Fanfics Review / General Discussion Thread

[kawaii beam]

lol same, eventhough my writing sucks rainbow monkey butts i have a long way to go, but i do like to read more descriptive writing and such like rokun essy and rndy

[Sukoshi]

lol Rokun, I love your writing but if I were to leave a comment on Berry Beautiful it would probably go like this:

Sukoshi: hmm...needs more Ai chan or even Reina.
Rokun: Get out.

With my aversion to the "kids", it just wouldn't go down well

[Tundra Wind]

@kawaii beam You're at least more experienced than me so treat me well senpai 

@Sukoshi I think that rules out the possibility of you reading my fic... But then again, Ai-chan does play an important role in mine.

Which reminds me....rokun, does it show in my fic that I don't follow MM that much? I like constructive criticism and need it since I'm new.


...The image of Tsunku prancing around is still stuck in my head. 

[rndmnwierd]

Seems I remember you mostly commented a lot. Maybe that's why Yuuchan didn't fit you into a generation? You could probably tell from it kinda where you fit though, knowing your own history.

Oh yeah, that's right. Know my own history, do I? I think I had one or two stories. Maybe I mostly had pervs.

Sooo.. Third gen? Yeah, that sounds about right... I'm satisfied now.

[rokun]

Wow this is the best discussion we've had here in ages!

Sukoshi: Hmm... I would never tell you to get out. I know how awesome a commenter you are. But perhaps you'll be excused from reading BB lol. Still, there are other MM-focused stories (like KP and City of Angels, if I ever get back to it) Um... not that I'm saying you have to read those things >.>

Tundra: Honestly, I can pretty well sense the Berryz personalities as you're writing them, but it really contrasts a bit when you were writing Ai... Being such a good friend of Miss Essy, we talk about Ai's character... a lot and I suppose I'm pretty sensitive to how she's portrayed. Same with Reina, though she's a bit crazier so... easier to write maybe? I mean you can always fit the character into the fic as well (like I do in Circle/Sword >.>), but you seem to be writing Dreams based pretty closely to their real personalities. Of course I may be wrong. That's why I asked if you're into MM as much. Just the feeling I got. Finally, you poor thing.

rndm: You had pervs? well... I suppose if they were 4th gen pervs, yeah I wouldn't have really paid much attention to them. (no offense lol; I just really can't read IshiYoshi-type stories)

[Tundra Wind]

It's nice talking to oldies . Although I think I might stick out as a newbie. Do newbies have a new writer scent like a car would have a new car smell?*sniffs around* 

I think I just wasn't focusing on Ai's character that much at the time because I was going a bit like  while I was writing the explanations. Hopefully, I'll be able to get it closer to her personality when she comes back into the story. She's important after all 
By the way, I want an update for BB or Sword. That would make up for unleashing Tsunku on me.

[Estrea]

Oooh so much discussion while I was asleep!

@Sukoshi: Yay snob reading! Rokun and I call it pure elitism...actually, there are a lot of stories that give me the ARGH NO reaction. Stefy and hamz used to have fun scarring me by forcing me to read examples of bad writing. Because I tend to spaz out and start rubbing my eyes furiously. Lmao. And awww, cheer up, hammy doesn't cry because of that. She cries if they're good enough to make her cry.

One thing about this forum, I note, is that constructive criticism doesn't exist. If there's nothing good to say about it, I just end up not saying anything. I find that if I'm going to criticise anything, I rather do it personally on a one-on-one basis. No need to embarrass someone publicly, and plus, not everyone is receptive to criticism anyway. Me, someone needs to criticise me, which is why I talk to rokun and others to see if there are any loopholes in stuff I'm planning. Haha. There's always room for improvement.

@Tundra: Don't worry, newbness doesn't make you a bad writer. It just makes you unaware of the history of the forum. Which...has had quite a bit of history here, since the fanfic section is like a little kingdom of its own. As for the newb scent, we just look at your post count and join date, and go like "ooh, newb!". Ok, it goes further than that. If your username has never popped up before in other H!P forums/sites, that marks you as newb as well (if it has been sighted before, then you're just a migrant ).

And as for Ai's personality, I feel like I could write a whole thesis about her because I spend so much time just staring at her, thinking. She intrigues me like no one else, which is why all my stories have something to do with her.

And yeah, this is the best discussion this thread has had in a while. I hope it keeps going!

[Sukoshi]

oh! OH!  I was gonna start on KP really soon! =D  lol I think I used to read City of Angels, you know until you killed Risa off (in like chapter 1!!) and then Aika had to hang with the kids!  I might have gotta over Risa's death by now....you know after how many Hammy fics I've read   If you ever finish the story, I might pick it up again

Oh you know what you also reminded me of?  lol I almost forgot this but back in the 4th station days, I used to read IshiYoshi!  Years later it seems oddly strange

@Estrea:  lol I remember this!  Stefy showed me an example too!  my eyes burned

[kawaii beam]

essy i'd really like to hear how u analise ai...like seriously cus there's so many odd and mysteriously cute things about her

....i wish i was bale to put more depth into my stuff though...i feel like it's so dry and non descriptive....i already know abou the many spelling errors

[Estrea]

@Sukoshi: Try having hammy narrate those scenes. It gets better (or worse?! ). So yeah, I couldn't get away from those two. So evil. Lmao.

I still chip in with a bit of background Ishiyoshi every once in a while in my stories. Because while I'm not interested enough to make them the main pairing, they're, well, around.

@kawaii: Don't get me started, I have to go out soon. Thing is, Ai has this mystery around her (comes from not having a blog), but yet she's still strangely transparent. Gamer!Ai, TakarazukaFangirl!Ai, WantsToSpeakEnglish!Ai, LikesShoppingAlone!Ai...and many many more. She's very obvious, but at the same time you don't really know her motives. o_o She's like this blank canvas you can just write on. Hence why I like her. As a character she has a lot of possibilities.

Alright, heading out. Hope to see more when I come back!

[kawaii beam]

lol i see what u mean if anything...i wanna know more what u think the way u think about ai is so cool in ur fics XDDD pm me whenever u want to about it^^;
but i never knew she liked to shop alone dont forget about the giver of clothes ai she's been giving sayu and lin some of her shirts or dresses lately
and yeah her and eri are the only 2 without a blog....i'd probably understand eri though cus some things she puts make like no sense at all but idk why ai hasent gotten one yet...dosent she want one too?

i feel that that was off topic....was it?

[rndmnwierd]

I wrote Biyuuden pervs, too. Actually, mostly just them. Was there W stuff too? They are still my OTP, I don't care who's married and has kids or who dates ancient men.


You know, I've noticed what Essy-sama said about criticism is true. I usually never write (intentional, I'm a brat sometimes, sorry) criticism. If I don't have something nice to say, I just don't say it. Also my comments tend to be pretty simple if there's really nothing that needs to be questioned, at least in my mind, or I'm feeling lazy that day. I do like to comment just to show that I read, even if I have nothing to say.

[Sukoshi]

*gasps* W? *backs away from rndmnweird a little*     lol just kidding

Ah yes, this is what I meant by constructive criticism doesn't exist here   Estrea filled in the blanks perfectly =D  As a general lesson in life, some people take constructive criticism well while the majority of us lie about it and silently feel crushed    *pats self on back for comfort*  (It's okay brain, I'll try not to insult you today )

We all built this place together so it's definitely a popular preference and one of our charm points.  I don't think we want to end up like a certain **-*** anyways   (Those blanks might be harder to fill for those that never been there)  Though I do find that place rather amusing when I'm in a certain mood

[abok]

can someone give me a tips on how to write a good fic???

i have finished writing my first fic "Promise" but i think i'm still lacking.....

can someone please help me???

[Beecubed]

 
*Beecubed feels a little out of place...*

Damn, why couldn't I have gotten into this fandom earlier?! >.< (I've probably said this some few thousand times already xD).

Noooooo don't read that! I'll never update it! You'll regret it!

No I won't... I mean, I'm in the middle of reading it already... 
And if you never update it, I'll just have to nudge the rest of the story from you in skeleton form and write it all up in my head for closure

And as for Ai's personality, I feel like I could write a whole thesis about her because I spend so much time just staring at her, thinking. She intrigues me like no one else, which is why all my stories have something to do with her.

 
A thesis on Ai would be so lovely to read... imo, she's the most interesting person to analyse out of any of the Musumes, which is exactly why I can't come to terms with people calling her boring. Um.

I wrote Biyuuden pervs, too. Actually, mostly just them.

 
Honto ni?! I haven't read a Biyuuden perv yet... but but but...
Are these some more fics you want to hide from the world, rndm?  If not, sharing is caring... 

You know, I've noticed what Essy-sama said about criticism is true. I usually never write (intentional, I'm a brat sometimes, sorry) criticism. If I don't have something nice to say, I just don't say it. Also my comments tend to be pretty simple if there's really nothing that needs to be questioned, at least in my mind, or I'm feeling lazy that day. I do like to comment just to show that I read, even if I have nothing to say.

Because giving criticism can hurt too.

I did it a little earlier on in my stay...

I know when I'm reading bad writing, but sometimes I can't help but to continue to read simply because it's about my favourite people. Sometimes I fangirl too much for my own good, when I should probably tone it down and give more useful feedback 

And then when I think I should give more criticism, I end up being the last commentator for the thread... >.< (*bows in apology to StephanyLee*).

So what to do?

can someone give me a tips on how to write a good fic???

i have finished writing my first fic "Promise" but i think i'm still lacking.....

can someone please help me???

Anybody can sit there reading all the tips in the world, but that's certainly not going to guarantee them a good story...

I haven't read anything from you yet, abok, so I can't judge at this point. But for me, as a reader, a story really works (and may consequently become something epic) because:

- It's able to maintain reader curiosity, which is no.1 priority for any writer. I think this can definitely be achieved when you raise questions early on in your story for the readers to ponder, create (interesting!) conflicts for your characters to confront, or just establish characters so awesome the readers just HAVE to read on because they want more. ^___^

- It's well written, containing just enough attention to detail, to characters, to plot and setting.

- It's somehow different (from the countless of other stories we've all waded through during our literary journeys  )

If you manage to fulfil each of these criterion to a decent extent, I think you've got a good story in the works.

And you don't have to have formidable grammar or vocabulary to write a good story. I mean, just check out some of the fics here on JPH!P. The writers aren't really comparable to professionals out there making the big bucks, but why have their stories been able to capture as much interest as they have? Well, I guess a lot of it has to with the fact that we love reading about our idols and all that, but I do think we can't discredit our authors - if they care about their stories, their characters and their readers enough, it'll show.

I hope that helps... 
I tend to ramble a lot, but hopefully it helps because I'm saying all this as a very, very keen reader. 

[rndmnwierd]

Um, if you search enough, you're bound to find my stuff, but the Word Docs have long since been lost. Some of the pervs are halfway decent. Sometimes. On Thursdays. 

*gasps* W? *backs away from rndmnweird a little*     lol just kidding

Ah, yeah. I have a soft spot for my jpop cherry poppers, so to speak. Eww...

[Estrea]

Aww Beecubed, it's ok. At least you got here eventually.

It can be hard to teach how to write better. Personally I just try to read good writing and absorb the techniques involved. I'm of the opinion that reading well breeds good writing eventually. But beecubed is right, if you care about the girls, it shows in your writing, and sometimes that's enough. I mean, everyone can obviously tell how much I worship Ai from how I write about her. Sincerity shows in how you write. At least technique can be learnt. Heart can't.

Then again, I'm very hard to please as a reader. So don't get discouraged if I'm not impressed by something. I just have ridiculously high standards. Most of the time I absolutely hate my own writing because I think it's absolutely horrible. I wish I was better...

*emos*..

[Tundra Wind]

@rndm I had to actually go back to my fic and see if you commented. For a moment, I thought my last chapter was so bad that it scared you away.  I loved W but I can't really get myself to go fangirl for the older H!P members. I totally skipped over the golden era. 

@Estrea You should just brainwash me with Ai videos. She's my favorite from MM but my brain doesn't want to follow MM for some reason (probably laziness  ). I think the best writers are at least slightly emo about their works . It means they know they can improve and want to.

@Beecubed There are people that call Ai boring?   Now I want criticism from you just to see how bad it could be. I'm so masochistic when it comes to my writing. 


I'm not really in any position to give advice about writing since I think I'm the newest one on the block. Criticism really helps me grow though and I actually like when I have moments where I go  . I need people to try to poke holes in my stories because I tend to forget about things. I agree that it really does help that we love the girls that we write about though and reading good examples helps. I feel obligated to pay respect to the oldies now.

[abok]

@Beecubed : thanks for your advices and tips....   i'll try my best to fulfill the criteas that you have tell me... read my fic "Promise" if you got the time ok..... i'm not sure how much you like it though....

@Estrea : your writing is very good you know... i read all your fics and i love them... especially "Destiny Love"..... i love "Nocturne too but you dont update that anymore.... and i'll try to put more heart when i'm writing too...

@Tundra Wind : it doesnt matter whether you are new or not.... criticism will help to improve.... as for me, even if the criticism is bad, i dont really care because all the criticism will drive me to work harder....

[Sukoshi]

Before this goes full circle to 2008, the year of boot camps and betas, I have one suggestion.

S p e l l c h e c k e r.   Yes I know, Sukoshi's being mean here but chances are if the opening chapter to a new story is littered with errors, I'm gonna jet Grammar I'm willing to give leeway to but spelling..... no no no mon cheri   If it comes up underlined in red...you might want to correct it.  I don't mean you have to type your story up in a word editor but that's what copy-and-paste-after-you-are-finished-typing-in-whatever is for...or just use your browser.  Check the "check my spelling as I type" option   I think it's the least you can do for your readers...or at least for Sukoshi

Hmmm....that was rather rantish...forgive me.  brain needs food. 

*flees*

Now everyone can resume worrying about enticing plot elements and believable characters