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I N D E X
COMPLETED
A Little Faith (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=27219.msg824989#msg824989)
Sublime Subleader (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=27219.msg950869#msg950869)
All I Want For Christmas (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=27219.msg984473#msg984473)
PENDING
These are fics that I currently have a very strong feel for (in relation to plot + characters). Hence why I’ve made fanfic posters for them xD
These are in no particular order...
So...
If there are any in particular that you would be interested in seeing next, please let me know. ^__^
(http://img576.imageshack.us/img576/6117/bossbattlesgif.th.gif) (http://img576.imageshack.us/i/bossbattlesgif.gif/)
Boss Battles –
Let’s just say… this was definitely the most enjoyable to plan xD I remember spending a lot of time smiling like an idiot while jotting down ideas for it. xD
The poster's a gif, so have a look at it to see the other lead character... :P
And if you’re thinking WHY this pairing, I have no choice but to send you here. (http://arnieparniepoo.livejournal.com/2194.html)
(http://img291.imageshack.us/img291/5577/loveinatimecapsule2.th.jpg) (http://img291.imageshack.us/i/loveinatimecapsule2.jpg/)
Love in a Time Capsule –
If you’re a Rokkies fan…
If you like your angst and your moodiness…
If you like your love shapes in your love stories…
(http://img222.imageshack.us/img222/7518/anbrokenangelstheirstar.th.jpg) (http://img222.imageshack.us/i/anbrokenangelstheirstar.jpg/)
Broken Angels and Their Star Fragments –
Has a lot going on in terms of plot (and characters too), maybe too much. Can only imagine how complicated it would be for me to write T___T
(http://img823.imageshack.us/img823/6462/ssecretrelationshipfic.th.jpg) (http://img823.imageshack.us/i/ssecretrelationshipfic.jpg/)
The Unshelling of a Turtle’s Secret Relationship –
When I think of this, I think of typical highschool Jdrama… xD (Though what’s wrong with that? The mere thought of Hana Yori Dango still gets my heart racing…)
Though with Eri as the lead, I don't think I can go wrong with this. xD Also features all eight Momusu members. This one should be a fun ride... hopefully... :grin:
ONGOING
(http://img72.imageshack.us/img72/5928/secretadmirer.jpg)
SUMMARY:
Takahashi Ai, who’s suffered her whole life from an agonisingly shy personality, is finally able to see hope one night when she masters her talent of mind control. On this particular night, Niigaki Risa, her flatmate, is in the middle of writing up her thesis in the study room. Ai has secretly been having fantasies about Risa for a long time, even before the bean entered a relationship with somebody else – and now, with the power of mind control at her disposal, Ai is tempted beyond all fiery hells to turn her fantasies into reality...
Theme Song: Find a Way by SafetySuit.
Rating: Mature. Very mature. XD
Remarks:
Please overlook the rather mediocre title *bows*
This fic was inspired by a talk I had with a friend about hypnosis and mind control and the possibilities that they offer. I was immediately interested in the ideas involved. And no surprise that my imagination took flight… :sweat: ..
Because I’m not well-learned in such areas, please don’t expect any of the events that you will be reading about to be accurate (or even plausible xD) in any way.
The idea I had for this fic was initially meant to be the sole basis of a one-shot perv, but as I planned it out, I kept wanting to add more and more to it. So I slowly developed a bit of context for the perv, and out came this rather nice little story I hope is more than just the standard serving of sex and sleaze.
Why TakaGaki? Just because. I love them way too much not to write about them XD I’d initially planned to give this to ReinAi because I was thinking they might have been better suited to the character dynamics. But in the end I just couldn’t pass up the chance to cast TakaGaki. Sorry to those who are put off by this pairing. I’m hoping the story is interesting enough to make up for any shortcomings. ^__^
I kind of took a risk with this so there may be things that readers find upsetting. I’m truly sorry if that is the case. *bows*
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C O N T E N T S.
Prologue (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=27219.msg815999#msg815999)
Chapter One (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=27219.msg849217#msg849217)
Chapter Two (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=27219.msg875324#msg875324)
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Yay! Bee! (I need a nickname for you) You started this thread finally! I look forward to the fics you will post. They all look promising from the posters you put up. Did I mention you are kick ass at photoshop?! lol I hope you will post your fics soon so everyone can read. Also, AiMiki?! I'll need to read a fic to be convinced about that pairing. XD
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ahhhh I can't wait to read some of this! of course, as a TakaGaki fan, I'm most excited about Secret Admirer... and I think I can handle the very mature level of it :twisted:
And the AiMikitty pairing is quite intriguing... I'm open to new pairings so you better make it good!! XD
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Well sounds like you have a lot of them planned :sweatdrop:
well can't wait for it B^3
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all story sounds cool!!! :twothumbs :twothumbs :twothumbs
can't wait for more :lol:
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How come I missed this thread? O_o
If I say I'm excited I'll be lying. I'm beyond excited. Since I have been lurking in this forum (even before I made myself an account) I have been something like a closet Beecubed fan (lol). I'm happy you decided to open your own fic thread, I'll be cheering for you :cow:
All the stories seems interesting so far. I'm really, really curious about Boss Battles. Never thought of that pairing, but I see a lot of potential there. Being a Rokkie's fan and a angs lover since forever I'm excited about Love in a Time Capsule too :heart: On another note, I will love you forever for The Unshelling of a Turtle’s Secret Relationship because I see a serious lacking of Kameshige lately (too much Tanakame and Tanashige, maybe?), and a fic with Kame as main with J-drama in mind = Awesomeness. AND I LOVE HANA YORI DANGO BTW.. About Broken Angels and Their Star Fragments... I get the feeling this is one of those fic I would like to read really slow, really enjoying it, preferably with hot chocolate in hand and bad weather (I wonder if that makes sense? lol). Heavy plot and deep characters... definitely looking forward to it!
And finally, about Secret Admirer...
Why TakaGaki? Just because. I love them way too much not to write about them XD I’d initially planned to give this to ReinAi because I was thinking they might have been better suited to the character dynamics. But in the end I just couldn’t pass up the chance to cast TakaGaki.
Oww, I would have love seeing the ReinAi one. But is ok, in fact, I love both, but I like more TakaGaki pairing :lol: ReinAi would have been quite interesting, since is not a popular pairing (at least not as popular as TakaGaki), though. Either way, I'm really looking forward to read it, I like the idea of the fic. And you made me wonder... Who is dating Gaki in this fic? I hope is not Kame I guess I'll have to wait and see~
I think it's time to request access to pervy section, because I'm sure this one is gonna go there in no time XD
Sorry for the incoherent rant! Congrats on your thread and good luck with the writing! I'll do what I can to keep your motivation up :cow:
Editing: I forgot to say, fanfics poster are AWESOME. Saved them all!
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All your stories look intresting Beecubed! the postetrs are great :thumbsup
Looking forward to the first chapter of Secret admirer.....
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I'm just excited looking at the posters. I actually did a fistpump (of unbridled joy, not this kind: :fap)
I can't wait to read em, Beecubed. 'Secret Admirer' sounds like a winner already- Tanagaki MIND CONTROL secks and related ethical issues angst FTW!
Now that you've stated your intent, there really is no turning back. Positive reinforcement aside, to quote NaNoWriMo, the looming spectre of personal humiliation is a very reliable muse. This has become a motto for my life. Meaning, just keep writing and don't look back. Hope this lights a fire under your ass sufficiently motivates you.
~grac
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@junkie-chan:
*squishes junkie*
Thank you! I seriously hope you enjoy the fics...
So again, thank you for leaving a comment, and thanks for all our fic conversations, and thank you for writing and inspiring me to write. :wub:
You're awesome.
Did I mention you are kick ass at photoshop?!
I can't remember, but thank you for saying this too. xD
And hey, you told me you were open to most pairings and AiMikitty sounded just fine to you! Well... I guess I'll just have to show you their magic with the fic. Just you wait!
@SarangAi:
Wooo, SarangAi! :love:
Thanks for your reply! :P
Fellow TakaGaki enthusiast, I really do hope you enjoy the fic! :heart: It'll be plenty mature, but I'm sure you'll lap up every bit of perviness :twisted:
o__o
AiMikitty! Looks like I'm going to have to prove the worthiness of this couple! :on woohoo:
@kuro:
Yeah :sweatdrop:
I keep getting idea after idea... they don't stop! This mind of mine is a constant buzz of ideas! xD
Thanks for your interest and hope you enjoy!! <3
@fallenxangel:
Thanks for stopping by to have a look! :love:
Hope you enjoy all the fics... ^___^
@Tightrope:
@___________________________@
Who are you? And why are you so awesome?
:lol:
Yay for new reader! :cow:
Your comment makes me so happy~ :heart: To hear all that from somebody I've never even seen around before, it's strangely touching :mon cute:
The first time I read your post, I was in a bit of disbelief ^^; I guess I just wasn't expecting that kind of a response even before anything has been posted, and certainly not something that elaborate and encouraging. So thank you again, you gave me such a pleasant surprise! My first (impulsive) response was to send you that private message. XD
I have been something like a closet Beecubed fan (lol)
EHH??!? xD
I'm surprised I managed to make a fan out of you even though I never had a fic posted!
My long-ass, extremely fangirly comments must have touched your heart that much then? :P hehe.. thank you, thank you! I'm so glad to hear they encouraged more than just the writers *huggles* I wanted to give you an affectionate *pat pat* on the head, but upon discovering that you're actually older than me, I refrained from doing so... xD
Thanks for spending the time to write up a brief run-through of all the fics! :love: You seem to be interested in all of them... which doesn't quite help me decide what to work on next :nervous
AiMikitty needs more love. Actually, it's not much of an established OTP at all XD But having planned through a whole fic with the two of them as leads, I can safely say that they are a pair to be reckoned with! :mon bleed2:
(too much Tanakame and Tanashige, maybe?)
Tanakame maybe, but I haven't seen much Tanashige around :(
KameShige though is one OTP that is often neglected >.< People see the relationship as purely platonic. I beg to differ. :grin:
You're an avid J-drama watcher? Yay for HYD! xD I'd never be able to write a plotline that awesome, but I hope to give the momusu girls a real fun (and eventful) highschool year with this one. :)
As for what you said about Broken Angels and Their Star Fragments... you're a really perceptive one, aren't you? :wriggly:
It's a bit of a complicated fic and quickly got messy during the planning process, so I left it... I started planning it at the end of last year, actually! >.< Damn.
But is ok, in fact, I love both, but I like more TakaGaki pairing
Do you mean you like TakaGaki more or you like ReinAi more? I'm not sure XD
ReinAi would have been quite interesting, since is not a popular pairing (at least not as popular as TakaGaki), though.
Not as popular for a reason. TakaGaki prevails. XD *hides from ReinAi supporters*
Trust me, if I had stuck to ReinAi, I don't think I would be able to write with as much passion and love for the story. :luvuluvu:
And you made me wonder... Who is dating Gaki in this fic? I hope is not Kame I guess I'll have to wait and see~
Not a fan of GakiKame? :P
You'll find out in the prologue~
I think it's time to request access to pervy section, because I'm sure this one is gonna go there in no time XD
You're going to need 30 posts for that, but don't worry about it. ^__^ When the time comes, I'll get everybody to make a request for it. Every lurker that I get to message me will receive a Tsukkomi-like slap to the head before I pass them the perv. xD (DAMN LURKERS! I blame you guys for some of my fav stories falling out!)
Congrats on your thread and good luck with the writing! I'll do what I can to keep your motivation up :cow:
Your excitement makes me excited! *looks at my response to your response* o.o
Thank you for your support, you have no idea how much I appreciate it! :wub:
(After reading your post, I got right back to working on the prologue xD...)
Thank you SO much! :kneelbow:
@oddball:
Thank you! :heart: Spent hours on PS making those >.<
I'll get it up very soon, just a bit to go. Hope you enjoy the prologue... yes, it'll only be the prologue XD Thanks for your comment!
@grac:
I'm just excited looking at the posters. I actually did a fistpump (of unbridled joy, not this kind: :fap)
:lol:
I'd be a bit worried if you did that other kind of fistpump... xD
I can't wait to read em, Beecubed. 'Secret Admirer' sounds like a winner already- Tanagaki MIND CONTROL secks and related ethical issues angst FTW!
I'm really happy to hear that, although I think you meant to say 'TakaGaki' rather than Tanagaki. >.< OMG. You...
But yeah, I'm still trying to figure out how the mind control 'secks' is going to play out *scratches head* ethical issues and angst, there will be too. You got all that right! :yep:
Now that you've stated your intent, there really is no turning back. Positive reinforcement aside, to quote NaNoWriMo, the looming spectre of personal humiliation is a very reliable muse. This has become a motto for my life. Meaning, just keep writing and don't look back.
That's actually what made me hesitate a lot before starting up this thread >.<
I am now accountable, and have the duty to make sure I update consistently XD
I'll keep that motto in mind :thumbsup
I didn't know what NaNoWriMo was, so I looked it up. I don't think we have that in Australia? You written something for that before, grac?
Hope this lights a fire under your ass sufficiently motivates you.
:rofl:
Definitely did. xD
Thank you for your comment, truly thank you. :heart:
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NO THIS IS NOT AN UPDATE, THIS IS ME SAYING THANK YOU. IN A VERY LONG-WINDED BEECUBISH KIND OF WAY.
:heart: :heart: :heart:
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Aww...I'm late on commenting.. :sweatdrop:
I can't wait to read your stories!!! :w00t: I am really, REALLY interested in AiMiki! :heart: :yep: Since they're both my favorites and same ranked! :wub: I went through those pics and they're just so cute together! :cow:
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Hey, you big meanie! You post in here, but it isn't an update. *pouts* You're going to keep everyone waiting, huh!? lol You shouldn't be so surprised about the amount of people that commented. I told you that this would happen. See! Sometimes I'm right.
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I'm glad you liked my fangirling. There is still a lot to come, so be prepared. And in any case, thank YOU, for all this :heart: My first (impulsive) response to your (impulsive) private message was saying OMG MARRY ME but I thought it was a bit extreme lol Thank for your impulsive response
I really don't want to spam your thread so I'll try not to rant too much. I'm starting to think we can be a pretty dangerous convo XD
My long-ass, extremely fangirly comments must have touched your heart that much then? :P hehe..
In fact, yes. It show that you care for the writing and for the writer. Or at least for her/his effort to write. And don't worry I love to be pat pat-ed, regardless the age. But I certainly love huggles too :heart: *huggles back*
Do you mean you like TakaGaki more or you like ReinAi more? I'm not sure XD
What I was trying to say it's I like TakaGaki more, but since there is a lot of TakaGaki fics and very little of ReinAi fics, I would have love reading the other version too. But of course, I have no complains about TakaGaki, none at all :wub: And reading that this pairing is going to encourage you more for writing, then I'm more than happy you chose that one. Now to wait for the TakaGaki hotness :heart:
And I'm planning to reach the 20-30 post required to enter the pervy section while you write, so don't worry. I can assure you I won't miss that fic ~
Not a fan of GakiKame? :P
You'll find out in the prologue~
That sounded like it's gonna be GakiKame! >_> And it's not like I don't like it. I don't exactly ship it either. It's just I can't really picture Gaki-san with anyone but the lovely leader. That and the fact the little KameShige shipper in me screams everytime I read Kame with everyone except Sayu XD KameShige needs love. Especially now, with Kame nearly graduating :cry:
So about what I would like to see next I'll give you more information then. Broken Angels and Their Star Fragment is what I would really like to read next. BUT. I know that one is difficult to write, so I don't think it would be the best to start right away with that one after Secret Admirer. I have high expectations for it, so I want you to take all the time you need. But apart from that one, I can't choose between the rest. I want to read them all... this really didn't help you either on deciding, did it? :lol:
(After reading your post, I got right back to working on the prologue xD...)
YES :cow: That's the reaction I'm aiming for! And again, thank YOU :cow:
Now go and write the prologue! We want to read it soon ~
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I'm really happy to hear that, although I think you meant to say 'TakaGaki' rather than Tanagaki. >.< OMG. You...
:roll: *cough* sure... that's exactly what i meant. yes, yes, it was a typo.
I didn't know what NaNoWriMo was, so I looked it up. I don't think we have that in Australia? You written something for that before, grac?
Yes, I have exactly 6 more days to complete- oh, another 46,000 words. *sigh* i guess i'll put it off for another year. Maybe you'll join me. :)
Now go and write the prologue! We want to read it soon ~
Amen to that!
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Finally!! YAY!! :cow:
Glad to see you finally decided to start a thread ^^
And i'm here to complain >.>
(I think u know why LOL) but... I won't go there xD
That AiMikkity sounds interesting, although i don't really get that pairing, it's like super weird for me o.0 but look forward to it ^^ as well as the prologue.
You better give a hell of story here so i can read it beyond everything XD
*This is not me not excited about this, this is me not knowing how to make a proper post* :peace:
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Waaaaaaaa can't wait for update XD
The summary gives me a very nice hint =D
Looking forward it ^^
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*pokes head in* Hmm what's this? A new story from Bee?
I really should be working right now but your story idea intrigues me and woke me up from the spell of sleepiness :lol: Looking forward to what you have in store for us
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Haha, Bee, you're so funny... and awesome of course :heart: I'm glad to see you doing your best to almost single-handedly bring more life to this forum, with certain "other" people slacking on it perhaps. >___>; And now you might finally start writing stories too!! You've already delurked at least one person, so we'll see how many more you can get. :lol:
Pardon since I'm not as great a commenter and so don't quote or anything, but... Oh, I did have to quote this:
@Tightrope:
@___________________________@
Who are you? And why are you so awesome?
XD And so true. Maybe "Ropy"-chan will help others de-lurk as well, although I do know it's not completely a lurking problem anymore. :( With the rise of Korean groups and AKB that is unfortunately where many (including some of my "friends") are going. >_< Not... that I'm being judgmental of course... :ph43r:
Anyway.
You are so organized in setting all this up. Are you going to put all the stories just in this thread with an even more organized ToC, or will there be a thread for each extended fic? Have you already said that and I'm just being baka in asking stupid questions? :lol:
As to the stories themselves...
Hmm.
I have to be with Ropy-chan there in preferring the ReinAi over TakaGaki in Secret Admirer, but you know, that's just me >.> ReinAi and I just have a... history. That said, reading blogs and such recently I have to say I'm becoming at least slightly more open to TakaGaki. Maybe you can get me to like them more again, even if the story sounds a bit... odd. :lol: It would have been fun seeing tsundere Reina in that role though...
Out of your other stories, I'd say what actually appeals to me the most is Boss Battles. But why do I think Aichan would appear to get her ass kicked very badly? (of course, note key word appear there...) And if it does get into the hot 'n' sweaty AiMiki, well... I can't say it's without precedent. After all, I... wait... have I actually never written the two of them?!? Oh. Whew. Thought I'd lost it for a second. There were hints at least in Circle of Three. :lol: Or well... perhaps more than hints... but nothing real-time still. :lol: Looking very forward to what you would do with them!!!
I'm not a very big OG fan, but I do somehow still have a bit of a soft spot for GAM. It's probably all of Commie's great works in the past, as well as the fact perhaps that Miki is well... Miki. :lol: Damn husband keeping us from her recently. >_<
Anyway, hope you manage to write some of them. ^^
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@kano-chan:
You're definitely not late... !!! ^__^ I only got the prologue finished and edited properly like... yesterday, so I have no idea how you could be late >__>
Thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment! A lot of people are taking an interest in AiMikitty, and awesome that the both of them are your favourites. I'm sure you'd have a blast with the story. That's if I ever get around to writing it XD
Thank you~! :love:
@junkie-chan:
I wasn't doing it deliberately :sweatdrop:
You know how much I agonise over my writing... lol. Well, I finally got everything done yesterday. And again, I'm not all that fussed about the amount of comments I get (though of course I do like to receive comments, all writers do :heart:). I'm more worried about stumbling into writer's block and thus disappointing readers with zero updates >.<
I hope you enjoy the prologue :)
@Ropy:
Bring on the fangirling! XD
Rest assured, I'll be fangirling along with you... hehe. :thumbsup
I'm starting to think we can be a pretty dangerous convo
Do you mean 'combi'? :lol: yeah, definitely. We seem to be on the same wavelength and feed off each other really well... so shutting up is a bit difficult. xD I'll try to cut down these responses so we don't have so much to attend to (I mean... on top of our growing PMs and everything..) ;)
It's just I can't really picture Gaki-san with anyone but the lovely leader.
Same... :P
Ai-chan can be paired off with the others, but I can only imagine Gaki-san with our leader too. Her other pairings feel too sisterly to me. :sweatdrop:
KameShige needs love. Especially now, with Kame nearly graduating.
QFT. Which is why I'm kind of stuck between Boss Battles & the Turtle one as the one I'd like to do next... :(
LOL. No, you didn't really help :P *pat pat*
The Broken Angels one - if I plan to drop it altogether, I'll still tell you about the story, so no worries. ^_____^
Thanks again for all your support! It's much appreciated... :heart:
:otomerika: :yossi:
@gracula:
Yes, I have exactly 6 more days to complete- oh, another 46,000 words. *sigh* i guess i'll put it off for another year. Maybe you'll join me.
:lol:
If you ever get around to completing one, you better share with us. ^___^
I'd be interested... but knowing myself, I'd probably have to pass. I have hardly any motivation to write as it is... I guess I'm much more of a reader XD
Good luck, and thank you! :love:
@StephanyLee:
:w00t:
Steph! Weren't expecting you to drop in, but thanks for your interest. :)
And i'm here to complain >.>
:lol:
Of course you would, with the apparent lack of AiEri love that I've shown so far... but have no fear, I have something that I would like to dedicate to you sometime down the road... :grin:
You better give a hell of story here so i can read it beyond everything
Can't guarantee anything but I'll try! :heart:
And don't worry about your post, what matters is that you left a comment to acknowledge me by. Thank you! <3
(And this reminds me, I still have to begin catching up with your AiEri one-shots! XD)
@Haruka:
Thank you! :heart:
I hope you enjoy the prologue~
@baddie:
It's YOU! :shocked: Lol, I'm ashamed to say I didn't notice that you'd come back :sweatdrop:
Welcome back! :jphip:
Last time you said there were things you needed to deal with first before you could concentrate on your fics~ I hope you've been well, and that life isn't treating you so harshly. I'd also love to see you update your Fairy Tale fic.
But thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment; I'm happy to hear that you're intrigued by the story idea. It's what I'm aiming for, after all. Thanks! :heart:
@rokun:
:nya:
I must rejoice, for it's senpai rokun who has come visit this thread :heart: Another person I wasn't expecting to show interest, considering how I've seen you respond to TakaGaki before... (or was it only Gaki? xD). Thank you, thank you, it means a lot! :heart:
As for the slackers... :lol:
Well, you guys have been around for AGES, haven't you? Can't expect you to hold the same level of enthusiasm and commitment you may have back then. For me, it's just really heart-warming to see that you've decided to stick around all this time, to guide and support all of us new ones. :wub:
Awww, thank you~ But rather than awesome, I've always seen myself as annoyingly long-winded .. but it's good to know that my efforts are appreciated. Arigato! :thumbsup
Well... it wasn't me who delurked Ropy, actually. It was gracula. Another writer you should definitely follow! <3 :yep:
although I do know it's not completely a lurking problem anymore
I used to be a big K-pop fan back then, when Lee Hyori just started out and Se7en was still huge. But I've had a change of heart, and I'm never looking back :heart: (massive headache trying to catch up with all the K-pop bands coming out >__>)
Yeah, it really isn't JUST a lurking problem, but it's still a lurking problem nonetheless. If I remember correctly, in SarangAi's last fic (which didn't finish too long ago), she held a little poll at the end and over 150 lurkers voted in it... so we DO have a lot of readers here, who HAVE accounts. Sarangai did a good job with her updating (which was incredibly fast and consistent), so she rightfully earned a lot of readers.
But it's a little disappointing not to see more explicit support for our writers here. :thumbdown:
You are so organized in setting all this up. Are you going to put all the stories just in this thread with an even more organized ToC, or will there be a thread for each extended fic?
It's strange how organised I have to be on the net, as I'm disgustingly messy in real life XD
I was thinking to have everything in this one thread - I'd rather deal with just this one thread than have several out to look over. But I don't know... would it be better to have a thread for each fic? :?
That said, reading blogs and such recently I have to say I'm becoming at least slightly more open to TakaGaki.
:OMG:
You did not just say that... wow. Okay... I'm in with a chance now to impress rokun :mon determined:
Maybe you can get me to like them more again, even if the story sounds a bit... odd.
... odd? In a good or bad way? XD
YAY! That makes me determined to do a good job of this story. <3
Out of your other stories, I'd say what actually appeals to me the most is Boss Battles. But why do I think Aichan would appear to get her ass kicked very badly?
Looks like it's got to be Boss Battles next XD
Because Miki's the type who can trample anybody ('cept Yuko... and maybe Yossie xD). It's all in that attitude of hers. :oops:
Hmmm.. I think the poster for this may be a little misleading. Once I have the first chapter up for this (and that will depend on how quickly I can get this first story done >.<), you'll see what I mean. :)
Damn husband keeping us from her recently. >_<
:angry:
If she hadn't been whisked away by him in the first place, we could've witnessed a lot more AiMikitty I reckon, with Miki being leader & Ai-chan being subleader and everything *shakes fists*
Thanks for your lovely, thoughtful response, rokun. Honto ni!
:k-inlove:
---
I don't know if you guys can tell... but I'm feeling kind of burnt out right now XD
I've spent the last few days making necessary preparations and lots of shopping for my upcoming holiday. I'll be out of Australia from the beginning of December and return sometime halfway through Jan next year... I'll still try to update and respond when I can of course, but I'll probably be a bit more rushed (and absent xD) than usual.
But thanks for all the interest you guys have shown, it really does encourage me! :luvuluvu:
So next is the prologue. Damn, it's just a prologue. But you can view it as a bit of a chapter zero; it is still a chapter. An introductory one. A little more dramatic than I would have liked, but oh wells.
I feel that my writing here is rather heavy-handed... and perhaps not as accessible to English language learners? >.< I'm always worried that it will be hard for learners to grasp, and I know that we have a few handfuls of these learners here at JPH!P. I'll try to tone it down a little in the successive chapters, which should also help to speed up the updates. :)
Also, feedback of any kind would be greatly appreciated. Discuss, speculate, critque... I'd love to know what you guys think and what I can do better. :thumbsup
Question:
Do you prefer to have longer chapters but slower updates ... or shorter chapters but quicker updates?
Lastly... please enjoy! :heart:
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(http://img229.imageshack.us/img229/8462/secretadmirer.png)
Prologue
Dear Gaki-san,
This has taken the kind of courage that I can only hope to gather in a dozen lifetimes. But I’ve managed to write this somehow… I guess I’ve reached the point where if I don’t somehow get my feelings across to you, I might just lose it… I might lose everything.
In short, this is a letter of confession. I’m in love with you.
I don’t know when this started, but all I know is that I’ve been watching you from a distance for far too long.
I probably won’t be able to say anything to you right now without sounding creepy or stalker-like, so I’m going to try and keep it short. I adore everything about you, Gaki-san. Every little thing. You embody everything that I admire in a person; you’re my one ideal girl, my dream girl. I’ve never felt this way about anybody, and I can only hope, however infinitesimal my hope may be, that you may one day return my feelings.
But right now, it’s just not possible for me to approach you at face value and try my luck. Is it okay if I continue to write you letters? Is it okay for you to write me some in return?
If all this is too much for you and you’d rather have none of this, I understand. I’ll stop. But if you can find the heart to exchange words and thoughts with me, please reply.
Yours truly,
S e c r e t A d m i r e r.
---
A night time hush has fallen over the apartment.
There’s a desk. On the desk, a folder lays open, spewing out lecture notes; black marker scrawled across the pages, crooked letters, the hasty kind that’s easily mistaken for a child’s handwriting.
Risa hasn’t moved from this desk in almost half an hour – she’s fast asleep. Ai, having watched her for all of that quiet half hour, moves towards her. She stops for a few moments, simply to listen, to revel in this much craved nearness, then reaches out to tentatively shake the other awake.
Eyes flutter open. Risa’s expression is befuddled as consciousness blooms back into focus, and, slowly, she lifts her head from the desk. In the dimmed glow of the desk lamp, Ai notices then the way the girl dazedly looks down at her waist first, how her hand goes down there briefly before turning her eyes up to regard Ai. The bean’s usually tame hair has staged a full scale rebellion, wisps of it having escaped from her now slack and oddly lopsided ponytail.
“Ai-chan… what the hell happened? What time is it?” she asks groggily.
Half shrouded in inky blackness, Ai glances at her watch, her hands trembling. “It… it’s 9.20.” A moment’s hesitation; she swallows the knot building in her throat. “You must have fallen asleep. How long have you been working on that thesis?”
Risa slouches back in her chair, rubbing absently at her face. “Most of the day… damn.” She begins shifting in her seat, looking down to her waist again. She’s frowning.
“You okay?”
“Yeah…” Risa says, distractedly, her hands slipping to her chest and then off. “Just… I don’t know. Weirdly stimulated like I had one hell of a wet dream or something.” She shifts in her seat again.
Ai twitches as she attempts to observe all this steadily, before a violent rush of blood to her head sends her vision careening, makes her almost tipsy. It’s as though her senses have been plunged under hot water, everything’s rippling around her in coiling waves, and then starts the insane thudding of her heart in her ears. Quickly, she finds a grip on herself, wills the faintness to dissipate. Whatever words she had ready to offer Risa dries on her lips.
Could she possibly… remember?
She can’t…
There’s no way…
I made sure of that.
“Did that Tanaka stop by and have her way with me while I was sleeping?” Risa asks with a cocked eyebrow, voice hovering between peeved and light-hearted; she isn’t entirely sure if she means to joke.
“Not that I’m aware of.” Ai chuckles uneasily. Something squeezes inside then, painfully, like a fist, something that hates how easily Risa is able to talk about her and Reina in that way. “Gaki-san, you look worn out. Why don’t you call it a night?”
There’s a glint in the bean’s eyes as she appraises Ai for a lingering moment, almost in an appreciatory way. “I might just.” The moment ends with a weary sigh as Risa fiddles with her study lamp to turn it off. She rises from her chair, her arms taking the brunt of her weight as she tests her unsteady legs. When all seems okay, she stands up straight, raises both arms in a mighty stretch and lets rip a rather unladylike yawn.
It's hard, a lot harder than it should be, but Ai finally manages to tear her eyes away from her friend and leaves the room.
For the rest of the night, Risa keeps looking down at herself, puzzled, as if trying to make sense of something. Ai busies herself as best she can. She bustles about the apartment, purposely finding things to put away or clean, sticking her nose behind a book, but not really reading, just doing everything she can to stop the perilous flow of thoughts. She makes this extra effort to avoid Risa in all manners, not to think of her, but a livid flush still clings to her whole body, like a breathing second skin. The mere sight of the younger girl still looking equal parts confounded and flustered sends a streak of panic ricocheting through her.
Is it possible that Risa could somehow stumble across the memories? Uncover them by accident? Had she really been successful in ridding Risa of those memories? Or was it the case that she’d only managed to tuck them away into a remote corner of the girl’s mind, a place that might actually be possible to find a door to, to set foot in?
No doubt Ai had been too hasty; she should have known better. She should have tested out her abilities on a smaller scale (and involving more trivial things) in order to gauge properly just to what extent she could control a mind and then wipe the associated memories. It was one mammoth risk she’d taken to try something of this nature with Risa on the very first go.
Rash, yes, foolish, even more so. But Ai had felt so brazen tonight, as if the revelation of her powers and its harmony with her very core had imbued her with a new personality. The rush of confidence that had come with it was staggering – but it’s all dulling now, her vigour, that gusto that had driven her to such lengths. What’s left in her is a hollowness she can’t stamp out.
Some part of her had awakened tonight, but some part of her had died too, to give way to this proud new presence. Now tainted in irreparable ways: her innocence, her deep-rooted desire never to cause trouble or harm, no matter how slight. The line that once seemed so distant and unreachable had now been crossed, and not so subtly either. She’d taken a blind step beyond her social confines, or at least what she believed to be her social confines, and now found herself wallowing in the depths of the unfamiliar.
Things too deep and dark for her to have previously dipped a toe in… things like betrayal and corruption, things she’d thought she would never have to concern herself over in this quiet, unspectacular life of hers. All in a single, unsuspecting night.
That night, her life changed forever.
-
Awesome start beecubed!!!
So Ai has mind control powers and she, and she used then to have her way with Gaki :shocked :panic:
Nice gentle start then :lol: looking forward to more
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Incredible start :thumbsup
Gaki seems rather confused on trying to pursue Ai however, Ai has mind control :lol:
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Eh? What sort of memories? Is it about the letter? :mon dunno: hmmm...So Ai-chan can control the mind.. Did Gaki find out in the past or something? :on ksweat:
And is that TanaGaki I just read about? :mon scare:
I like it! Very interesting! :twothumbs
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Yes!!! Sweet!
I love the premise of this entire story (not just the mind control secks part). I've certainly had my fair share of admiring people from a distance and harboring secret crushes. Its really fascinating to profile the psyche of someone who would go to the extent of confessing their love by writing to their beloved anonymously. Its probably just as difficult to write that anonymous letter, as it is to confess verbally, isn't it?
Ai twitches as she attempts to observe all this steadily, before a violent rush of blood to her head sends her vision careening, makes her almost tipsy. It’s as though her senses have been plunged under hot water, everything’s rippling around her in coiling waves, and then starts the insane thudding of her heart in her ears. Quickly, she finds a grip on herself, wills the faintness to dissipate. Whatever words she had ready to offer Risa dries on her lips.
The fear of being found out. Absolutely fantastic description of that feeling. It is, oddly enough, the same rush one would get when you get when (a) someone confesses their attraction to you, and (b) when you get the pre-breakup 'we have to talk'.
There’s a glint in the bean’s eyes as she appraises Ai for a lingering moment, almost in an appreciatory way. “I might just.” The moment ends with a weary sigh as Risa fiddles with her study lamp to turn it off.
This is really interesting. I wonder if this is the first time Risa's looked at Ai like that, or if its a residual psychic imprint?
No doubt Ai had been too hasty; she should have known better. She should have tested out her abilities on a smaller scale (and involving more trivial things) in order to gauge properly just to what extent she could control a mind and then wipe the associated memories. It was one mammoth risk she’d taken to try something of this nature with Risa on the very first go.
Rash, yes, foolish, even more so. But Ai had felt so brazen tonight, as if the revelation of her powers and its harmony with her very core had imbued her with a new personality. The rush of confidence that had come with it was staggering – but it’s all dulling now, her vigour, that gusto that had driven her to such lengths. What’s left in her is a hollowness she can’t stamp out.
I totally get that- if I found out suddenly that I had superpowers, I'm not going to wait for Professor X to assess me before I start using them.
This post-event dissonance is very realistic. What remains to be seen is if these moments would just get easier, or more agonizing.
Some part of her had awakened tonight, but some part of her had died too, to give way to this proud new presence. Now tainted in irreparable ways: her innocence, her deep-rooted desire never to cause trouble or harm, no matter how slight. The line that once seemed so distant and unreachable had now been crossed, and not so subtly either. She’d taken a blind step beyond her social confines, or at least what she believed to be her social confines, and now found herself wallowing in the depths of the unfamiliar.
Things too deep and dark for her to have previously dipped a toe in… things like betrayal and corruption, things she’d thought she would never have to concern herself over in this quiet, unspectacular life of hers. All in a single, unsuspecting night.
That night, her life changed forever.
Absolute power corrupts absolutely. I'd love to see the ethical conflict in this new Ai-chan.
Thank you for writing this, Bee. Looking forward to more.
I will now go fantasize about what happened before the "night time hush".
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:cow: :cow: PROLOGUE :cow: :cow:
I love that dancing cow icon XD
I came at light speed when you told me you updated. I scrolled down and down and down until I saw the header, only to make sure. Then I went all "Kyaaah it's here, it's here for realz~~ omg even the letters of the header are pretty omg I wanna read, I wanna read right now" fangirled like a little kid and finally I scrolled up up up up again and began reading XD
The Broken Angels one - if I plan to drop it altogether, I'll still tell you about the story, so no worries. ^_____^
Woho~ I'll remember those words. But I hope you don't have to drop it :nervous
I've spent the last few days making necessary preparations and lots of shopping for my upcoming holiday. I'll be out of Australia from the beginning of December and return sometime halfway through Jan next year... I'll still try to update and respond when I can of course, but I'll probably be a bit more rushed (and absent xD) than usual.
I said you already but I'll say it again anyway. Have lots of fun! :cow: Your only worry should be enjoying yourself while you are there. We'll be waiting for you here when you get back~ But of course, I won't complain if you insist in updating once in a while :roll:
I feel that my writing here is rather heavy-handed... and perhaps not as accessible to English language learners? >.< I'm always worried that it will be hard for learners to grasp, and I know that we have a few handfuls of these learners here at JPH!P. I'll try to tone it down a little in the successive chapters, which should also help to speed up the updates. :)
In fact, I noticed that too. But I think you shouldn't worry too much. In general, you can understand the meaning, even for words you have never seen before, thanks to context they are in. If not, that's why dictionaries (http://www.wordreference.com/) exists. Think you are helping people to improve their English XD But jokes aside, I think the whole chapter it's pretty understatable, maybe with a couple of words that aren't that common (I'm talking about what I'm used to see, maybe for other people is a different story), but I didn't see a problem there. But just stick with what feels more comfortable when you are writing.
Question:
Do you prefer to have longer chapters but slower updates ... or shorter chapters but quicker updates?
Hmmm I would like to know first... how is a short chapter and how is a long chapter for you? I usually like long chapters, even if I have to wait a little more. I think it helps you getting into the story (of course, there is always writers who know how to throw yourself there even with one line). There is people who feel lazy when they see a lot of words together but for me, the longer, the better XD I love reading good stuff :heart:
But, as I said before, whatever make you feel it's easier to write and more adecuate for each chapter it's ok.
And for the prologue :heart: I like it a lot.
I'm warning you, there is heavy fangirling and no sense speculations ahead. Read at your own risk.
I really wanted to quote the header, because it's pretty, and it's red and it's black, and... have I said it's pretty? I know there are only letters, but they are pretty letters dammit! I won't quote because I would feel like spamming, but I had to tell you. So there.
Talking about letters... I like how do you start the fic with that letter. Maybe we'll have a new letter with each chapter? Or is this the only one? But it makes me wonder... when did Ai write that letter? Before she even began to use mind control powers, or after that? In the prologue we really don't know if Gaki has read it yet, because she didn't mention it.So maybe she didn't read it yet, or maybe she read it and she will mention it later.
BUT THEN.
If this happened before Ai-chan decided to use mind control, did Gaki reply? Did not? Did her actions encourage Ai to do what she did?
And if this happened after... why then? Is a way for Ai to deal with her conflicted feelings? Conflicted feelings -> I love you but I'm almost raping you but I'm feeling way too guilty but I don't think I can stop now but please dont hate me? XD Is she trying to approach normally Gaki in top of controlling her every now and then?
Am I just thinking too much without reaching a coherent conclusion? Definitely yes :sweat:
I guess I’ve reached the point where if I don’t somehow get my feelings across to you, I might just lose it… I might lose everything.
I blame that line for all the ranting above. It's bothering me way too much, it can means nothing, but it can means so much too... And I know, I know, I overthink about insignificant details and then miss the big hints XD My head is weird like that.
“Did that Tanaka stop by and have her way with me while I was sleeping?” Risa asks with a cocked eyebrow, voice hovering between peeved and light-hearted; she isn’t entirely sure if she means to joke.
Wait, what? :shocked: That means we have TanaGaki here? TanaGaki?? OMG. This is the first time I saw this pairing, I think. And I'm hoping to see Reina with an important role in this fic! Aside from being "the girlfriend", I mean. Cool... now I really want to be Reina the one who catches Ai-chan doing nasty things. I mean if this make me a bad person? XD
Please, please, can we have some Reina? :heart:
I absolutely love clueless Gaki trying to find out if there is something wrong with herself while Ai's fears are almost eating her alive.
Ai twitches as she attempts to observe all this steadily, before a violent rush of blood to her head sends her vision careening, makes her almost tipsy. It’s as though her senses have been plunged under hot water, everything’s rippling around her in coiling waves, and then starts the insane thudding of her heart in her ears. Quickly, she finds a grip on herself, wills the faintness to dissipate. Whatever words she had ready to offer Risa dries on her lips.
The fear of being found out. Absolutely fantastic description of that feeling. It is, oddly enough, the same rush one would get when you get when (a) someone confesses their attraction to you, and (b) when you get the pre-breakup 'we have to talk'.
^ That's EXACTLY what I was thinking. It's curious how our feelings work, uh?
The 'we have to talk' is the worst. Even if in the end it don't result in a pre-breakup, never fail to make me feel real fear for what is going to happen in that 'talk'.
I wonder how will be Ai able to do it again, even when Gaki is clearly giving signs that she hasn't totally forgot.
There’s a glint in the bean’s eyes as she appraises Ai for a lingering moment, almost in an appreciatory way.
This this. If Gaki start now showing interest in Ai-chan, wouldn't that be due the "forgotten memories" with her? Or maybe those memories are just "helping" her to realize her true and undying love she actually likes Ai.
I DONT KNOW AND I'M CONFUSING MYSELF BUT I WANT MOAR.
And btw, Gaki seems pretty worn out. I mean, she's even testing if she can walk properly. I can't help myself but wonder for how long did Ai keep her mind control on Gaki for keep doing... you know XD I get the feeling poor Risa is going to be quite restless lately and she won't even know why :lol: :lol:
Some part of her had awakened tonight, but some part of her had died too, to give way to this proud new presence. Now tainted in irreparable ways: her innocence, her deep-rooted desire never to cause trouble or harm, no matter how slight. The line that once seemed so distant and unreachable had now been crossed, and not so subtly either. She’d taken a blind step beyond her social confines, or at least what she believed to be her social confines, and now found herself wallowing in the depths of the unfamiliar.
Things too deep and dark for her to have previously dipped a toe in… things like betrayal and corruption, things she’d thought she would never have to concern herself over in this quiet, unspectacular life of hers. All in a single, unsuspecting night.
That night, her life changed forever.
And with that Ai-chan started walking the "evil" path ~
She seemed to feel more fear than regret at first, but she definitely knows she has crossed THE line. Now she can't go back.
Fear + Ethnical conflicts = OH THE DRAMA assured.
And even if the fear factor goes away, something I don't see happening at all with Gaki being that perceptive, she still have to deal with all those dark emotions. Can Ai really manage all that? And I don't even want to think what will happen when the secret comes out, omg.
Poor, poor, Ai-chan. What just got yourtself into? And why we couldn't see it XD ? I want TakaGaki hotness! :drool:
I'm really curious how are you going to develop the plot from here. At least I know in the end isn't going to be a yay we all are happy ~ happy ending!. Some people are going to be scarred for life here :cry: Ah~ the angst :heart: I love it.
I have to say you really impressed me with some descriptions in this chapter, Bee :heart: And with your writing in general. Loved it :heart:
I hope this rant makes sense somehow. Keep up the good work!
It would have been fun seeing tsundere Reina in that role though...
That's one of the reasons I love ReinAi. The kitty being tsundere is :wub:
Maybe we can still have some tsundere Reina, even if it's with Gaki...? XD
I will now go fantasize about what happened before the "night time hush".
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
I love you, grac :heart:
Can't wait for more. I want chapter one soon!
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D: bee where the heck have u been all my life?? :O :shocked like seriously this is epic! 1st u draw me in with the fact that u have a thread now...then u make epic banners to go with it(which i will seriously ask tuts for XD) then u go and make epic summaries and tehn u give me a thing that has all of teh previous AND TAKAGAKI WITH SLIGHT(huge) PERVENESS?! :bow:
thankyou X3
now...ai ia halla screwed if risa finds out i belive..and i think she doesnt realise that what the mind cant remember the body probably will XDD and i wants reina in this too~ X3 i cant wait for more and i cant wait to see how ai'll change in this since it seems this is just a ticking time bomb...also
i cant wait for a perv :P
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^ That's EXACTLY what I was thinking. It's curious how our feelings work, uh?
Of course, great minds.
Well, since we delurked about the same time, I consider ourselves doukie members- you know I love you, too. :P And Bee can be our sempai. :bow:
(Sweets, since I quoted on your reply, I noticed that you have some text in 1pt size- might wanna modify that, yeah?)
I forgot to respond to this:
I've spent the last few days making necessary preparations and lots of shopping for my upcoming holiday. I'll be out of Australia from the beginning of December and return sometime halfway through Jan next year... I'll still try to update and respond when I can of course, but I'll probably be a bit more rushed (and absent xD) than usual.
If you swing past Malaysia, you're very welcome to the use of my guest room.
I feel that my writing here is rather heavy-handed... and perhaps not as accessible to English language learners? >.< I'm always worried that it will be hard for learners to grasp, and I know that we have a few handfuls of these learners here at JPH!P. I'll try to tone it down a little in the successive chapters, which should also help to speed up the updates. :)
Also, feedback of any kind would be greatly appreciated. Discuss, speculate, critque... I'd love to know what you guys think and what I can do better. :thumbsup
Question:
Do you prefer to have longer chapters but slower updates ... or shorter chapters but quicker updates?
I'm having the same dilemma myself- quantity over quality (my chapters can't possibly get any shorter, though :lol:). But I'm such a wordophile that I'd end up agonizing over each turn of phrase I crank out. I think you should find your own rhythm and follow that- you're the author and your craft is the reflection of your emotions and thoughts. You could write an entire chapter filled with four-dollar words, or just single syllables to match the mood of your piece. Do what you will- we await with bated breath.
:thumbsup Good luck.
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OMG this is GOOD. I'm like, shaking with joy right now and fist-pumping. My cousin is asking if I need to go to the hospital. :w00t: :w00t: :w00t: :cow:
So Ai-chan has mind control powers.... HM, what could she have made Gaki-san do that night?? :twisted: :twisted:
I'm so looking forward to updates. AWESOMESAUCE :cow:
ps- I'd say shorter chapters and frequent updates, so we know you're alive :lol: But I have no right to say that :nervous
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Oh mai gaw~!!! It's here!!! It's here!!! Oh mai gaw!!! :cow: That was awesome!!!!!! :twothumbs :panic:
Ok, now that i'm a little calm let's reply "properly" :P
Steph! Weren't expecting you to drop in, but thanks for your interest. :)
Of course i'll be interesting after all we're talking about the great Bee here!! ^^
... but have no fear, I have something that I would like to dedicate to you sometime down the road... :grin:
really?!! OMG! oh mai gaw! Can't wait :wriggly:
Can't guarantee anything but I'll try! :heart:
I most definitely think you will, after reading that prologue ^^. You're doing an awesome job :thumbsup. Besides you really love writing and that shows so I'm pretty sure this story will be phenomenal :P
(And this reminds me, I still have to begin catching up with your AiEri one-shots! XD)
So do you still remember that huh? :mon impatient: It's been a while but is ok if you don't want to :mon hanky: i'll just be here and wait and... keep posting one-shots you won't read :mon runcry:
ok forget my little drama xD but yeah don't worry about it .. much :P
I'll be out of Australia from the beginning of December and return sometime halfway through Jan next year... I'll still try to update and respond when I can of course, but I'll probably be a bit more rushed (and absent xD) than usual.
But you won't abandon us right? :cry: .... that's all that matter, and have fun~!
I feel that my writing here is rather heavy-handed... and perhaps not as accessible to English language learners? >.< I'm always worried that it will be hard for learners to grasp, and I know that we have a few handfuls of these learners here at JPH!P. I'll try to tone it down a little in the successive chapters, which should also help to speed up the updates. :)
In fact, I noticed that too. But I think you shouldn't worry too much. In general, you can understand the meaning, even for words you have never seen before, thanks to context they are in. If not, that's why dictionaries (http://www.wordreference.com/) exists. Think you are helping people to improve their English XD But jokes aside, I think the whole chapter it's pretty understatable, maybe with a couple of words that aren't that common (I'm talking about what I'm used to see, maybe for other people is a different story), but I didn't see a problem there. But just stick with what feels more comfortable when you are writing.
Quoted 'cause that was exactly what I was going to say.
Also I really like that way you write made it so easily to read throughout the whole prologue without losing the essence and also pictured everything that was going on as well as the feelings. you really got me since the first line v^^
Question:
Do you prefer to have longer chapters but slower updates ... or shorter chapters but quicker updates?
I'd say longer chapter so that gives me time to force myself to comment xD but at the end i think it totally depends on you, like gracula said i think is best for you to find your own rhythm. :yep:
So...
That letter was creepy sweet ^^ and no yeah for TakaGaki but yeah for one side love XD and...
Ai chuckles uneasily. Something squeezes inside then, painfully, like a fist, something that hates how easily Risa is able to talk about her and Reina in that way.
Did I just read a little TanaGaki here?!!! :w00t: *oh please please, even a little, please!*
Listen carefully Ai, with great power comes great responsibility.
I say it before and i'll say it again. I really really love the way you write. Going through Ai's emotions ... *sigh* ... can't wait for the first chapter more drama and angst :farofflook:
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@baddie:
It's YOU! :shocked: Lol, I'm ashamed to say I didn't notice that you'd come back :sweatdrop:
Welcome back! :jphip:
Last time you said there were things you needed to deal with first before you could concentrate on your fics~ I hope you've been well, and that life isn't treating you so harshly. I'd also love to see you update your Fairy Tale fic.
But thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment; I'm happy to hear that you're intrigued by the story idea. It's what I'm aiming for, after all. Thanks! :heart:
Life couldn't be better for me, thank you very much :) That is, if I didn't have to fly so much for work (and leisure :lol:) which ironically is the best time to catch up with the fics :P
But it's a little disappointing not to see more explicit support for our writers here. :thumbdown:
True. Comments are much appreciated by the writers and keep them going, though I'm guilty myself for being a lurker :nervous
On the Prologue...
OMG WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?! *being a drama queen* LOL that was exaggerating but this is _______! Haha I have no words simply because this is beyond awesome. And it's just the prologue? Okay you got me sold :inlove: *sits patiently for the first chapter*
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Okay... so comment replies later and fic responses later too (so many fics to catch up with now! Thanks guys! X__X).
I thought I'd have the time to just sit and write stuff and update as usual, but NO. Not happening. XD
Am having way too much fun.
Yes grac, I just came back to Vietnam from a short trip to Malaysia. Finally out of that oven of a place. :P Nah, was wonderful. Shopping and Sunway Lagoon. :heart:
Having fun is really exhausting, especially if you're overseas and the fun never ceases. By the time I get back to the hotel, I'm dead beat and my eyes close the moment my head hits the pillow. So I think Secret Admirer will need to be put on hold until I get back to Australia... or at least, I'll probably only have the first chapter done for the month.
In the meantime, since the graduation is oh so close, here's a little something.
This is a very messy piece I wrote a day after the graduation announcements. I was feeling lots of things back then, and so decided to pour everything out in writing. I really needed it to deal with my feelings xD From Sayu's perspective, because I could only think - KAMESHIGE! *sob sob sob* - for a very long time. I wasn't planning to post this initially, but thought about it for a while beforehand (doing plenty of editing), and now I feel kind of bad for not updating Secret Admirer, so I hope this is okay for now. It's a little messy like I said, and there's no plotline or anything. It's just emotion. :cry:
Hope to get more time to hang around next time! :jphip:
Good day, friends, and take care of your lovely selves. :love:
Kamei Eri forever. :heart:
A L i t t l e F a i t h
The members graduating at the end of the year are…
Jun Jun.
Lin Lin.
Kamei Eri.
***
Kamei Eri…
After Tsunku releases the final name, the magnitude of the news doesn’t register at first. Not until a second or two later when our minds begin catching up, assembling sense, when we finally grasp the weight of his words.
My breath stops as a clammy tide of panic spills over. In an instant, everything around me seems surreal, everything that’s going on, all the fuss, the subdued murmuring, the stunned looks mirrored on every other face. Nothing is real anymore.
The room’s collapsing beneath me, and I’m light-headed, smothered by the waves of nausea passing through me, one after the other, before I’m completely numb, and then begins the buzzing off my head, the questions, the rising uncertainties. I can sense Eri’s determination to avoid my eyes. Even more strongly, I can sense the flickering glances the other members are giving me from the corners of their eyes.
It’s strange, they are probably thinking, that Michishige Sayumi is only finding out about Kamei Eri’s graduation wish now.
Because Eri tells me everything. Or so I had thought. This announcement is a revelation – it’s completely unexpected. While Eri had often complained about the stress she was going through and her plans to call it quits, I’d never once thought the day would come when her words became truth, crashing down on me like this and crushing every notion I had of living the rest of my Morning Musume dream with her.
Sayu, I hate this. Look how much I’m sweating! My skin’s getting so irritated. I’m going to leave Morning Musume tomorrow and find a cure for myself!
Eri would say such things in a cutely grumpy voice. She’d said something along these lines during concerts over many years, but nothing ever eventuated. Eri’s complaints gradually began to drown into the background, no longer ominous, no longer causing me undue stress as it had in the beginning. The last time I’d heard the complaints must have been during the Platinum 9 Disco concerts.
She’s been too quiet since. I should have known something was up. I should have seen this coming. But being the person that I am, so hopeless in situations that really matter, I have missed the signs altogether. And for being unable to catch onto them, I now cannot forgive myself.
Sayu, I hate this…
Her words back then begin to feed into my thoughts, my consciousness, parading down the deep recesses of my mind. Mocking, reminding, agonising in its intent to overwhelm me, to break me.
It’s a boy, isn’t it? I’m tempted to blurt out. Because that would somehow be more bearable than losing Eri to a skin condition. This skin condition that I have known about for a long time, but never paid any mind to, convinced it was something trite. It makes me so much guiltier, having known all along and having failed to take it seriously. It’s entirely my fault now that Eri’s decision to leave comes to me as such a shock.
After Tsunku exits the meeting room and leaves us to recover from the mammoth news, as expected, there’s an unpleasant moment of hushed tension before the room becomes one heated interchange of reaction. Every one of us slips on a mask of polite composure while trying to maintain what idol exuberance we have left in us in the face of such news. Ai-chan makes a big show of pulling us together in a huddle; she begins meting out her congratulations and cheering on the would-be graduates – the rest of us have no option but to take her lead.
But, of course, I can see right through it. None of us are happy, that much is clear. The illusion that we had gradually been sucked into, of the eight of us becoming something of a fixed unit… shattered in an instant. Like a splash of ice cold water across us, we’ve been shaken awake.
Three members.
Why does it have to be three? One graduating from our group is painful enough, but three all at once? And not just any three…
I feel gutted. Crushed.
“Being Michishige Sayumi, and thus being unbelievably cute, is such a demanding job,” I jokingly tell Eri afterwards when we finally have some private time to talk to each other. The other members realise that I’m hearing all this for the first time too, so they obligingly give us space. “But I’ll do my best when you’re gone,” I continue, with as steady and assuring a voice as I can. “I’ll hold myself together.”
I’m sure my smile doesn’t convince her. No, not even someone as naïve as Kamei Eri. I can hardly convince myself, not even for a moment, I’m struggling like hell to keep my tears intact, to not let the dam break. I feel sullen, lost and distinctly empty. I fight to keep it all from showing on my face.
“It’ll be okay, Sayu,” she says.
I had half-expected her to respond with something weird, something just plain kooky, in typical Kamei-Eririn-style. But her answer is so… normal, it hurts to hear. It’s almost as if Eri herself understands the severity of the situation, she understands just what all this means for me.
And I notice too, that Eri speaks in a deliberately controlled voice; she sounds fine, but is she really? I can’t imagine how she could be, not when my own heart is coiling in on itself, not when I’m hurting as much as I am.
How can it be okay? I want to scream at her, but the words remain painfully lodged in my throat.
Deep down though, I know that for Lin Lin and Jun Jun, the news must have hit them much harder. They’d always looked forward to doing more for the group, never giving up on Morning Musume and never relinquishing their dreams to one day front us. Their present was Morning Musume, and all they could see in their futures was Morning Musume too. My heart goes out to my two Chinese friends. While they’ve been pushed to leave, Eri must have been thinking about graduating for a while now, and this is ultimately her decision.
Sometime later that day, Reina takes Eri aside too, and they’re talking in whispers behind the dressing door. I can’t grasp onto anything, the words are too quiet, wafting away from me… what I catch though, unmistakably, is my name. I strain to listen, leaning forward, and then realise what I’m doing and abruptly, I walk away. As much as I want to know, I’m also shaking in my boots. I’m afraid what I hear will only intensify the pain. Afraid, so very afraid, that the truth will be solidified. Because giving in to this daze, to the relief of its numbness, and trying to shake off this nightmare rather than accept it – all this must be more bearable than the truth.
I still can’t believe it. At the beginning of next year, I’ll be in a Morning Musume that has no Kamei Eri in it. I don’t know what to think, except that trying to imagine such a future is so overwhelming, it’s verging on pain.
Later, Reina approaches me wordlessly, but I can see the pain glittering at the back of her eyes like tears. She puts an arm around my shoulder in a comforting gesture, but somehow it doesn’t alleviate the pain, I’m only feeling worse. We’ve been through so much together, us three, right from the beginning. We’re both wordlessly aware of how dear Eri is to us, what she means to us and what she means to our Morning Musume. Even though Eri is older than the both of us, she’s almost always the one being babied amongst us Rokkies. My pain must be Reina’s too, no matter how tough the other girl wants people to believe she is; I can’t forget that.
Eri must have noticed the conflicting emotions within me, that or Reina told her something, because that night she slips into my room.
There's nobody around so Eri holds my hand, interlaces our fingers and I feel a slight dampness growing between our palms. We're holding on so tight.
“Sayu…” she says quietly. My name has never sounded so precious.
I don’t say anything. We stay like this, caught up in this strange void, at a loss as to what to do or say. We stay like this for a long while, maybe too long, because at some point Gaki-san comes crashing into my room in a noisy peal of excited chitchat, Aika beside her, startling us. I let go of Eri’s hand.
It looks like Gaki-san can’t stay down for too long (unless it has something to do with Ai-chan); she really does bring the sunshine with her.
“Oi! Kamei, Sayu… what’s with this gloomy atmosphere? Let’s go out and get a quick meal before we come back for rehearsal.”
For the rest of the night, Eri and I, we’re silent.
In the following days, after the initial shock has worn off somewhat, a gloom hangs ever so lightly in the air.
Ai’s pained expression over the imminent loss of three kouhais, all at once, and especially the looks she reserves for her beloved Lin Lin. Gaki-san now clings tightly onto Eri wherever she goes. Reina, being strong and unaffected as always, but there’s a glint of sadness in her gaze too. She is, after all, such a Rokkies enthusiast, and losing Jun Jun would be akin to losing the soothing presence of a… boyfriend. Aika, in all her preciousness, those pursed lips and her teary visage. She’d been pretty bouncy and spirited at first, but slowly reality’s sinking in. Her generation of three will soon only consist of one.
At least outwardly, Gaki-san seems to be taking the news the worst. I’d thought that she had recovered remarkably well judging from that fairly nonchalant interruption of hers the other day. But I’ve begun to notice the way she’s dipping in and out of trance-like states. One minute she’ll be twittering away, completely chipper, her normal, cheery self, and the next, somber, quiet. She tries to keep up the high spirits whenever she has the will to, being our sub-leader and all, but I see that it gets to her too. For Eri is also somebody incredibly dear to Gaki-san. Not to mention how fond she’s become of the pandas… and then we have Ai-chan, who’s been crying a lot, but then she’s usually crying so I can’t say much about that.
As for me, they tell me my voice is faint and distracted. Ai-chan approaches me a lot now, when she’s not quietly moping herself and when the others aren’t around.
“Hey, Sayu,” she’ll say, placing a hand on my shoulder. “You want to talk?”
I shake my head. And smile. I can still smile.
I don’t tell the others, but Eri’s impending absence hangs like a wet blanket over me, it’s heavy and suffocating. I’m not sure if I can hold myself together in time for our next public appearance. The temptation to spill all my raw thoughts and feelings into my blog – to bear everything as it is – torments me mercilessly, like a persistent itch. But I know better than that. Whatever I do, I have to keep these soul-searing thoughts private. I need to keep my blog entries emotionally light, it’s one of the few protocols I can’t forget to abide by. Oh, and that’s aside from the fact that the fans don’t know yet.
During rehearsals, during lunchbreaks, during the rides back home and while I’m lying in bed, desperately trying to continue another chapter of the book I had previously been unable to put down – Eri’s on my mind, constantly now. Something doesn’t feel right. There are still a few months before her graduation, but already there’s this stony emptiness sitting somewhere inside me. Even when she’s right next to me, still goofing around, still being the Kamei I so love and adore and worship.
Anxiety swells furiously inside me, often now, when I get the time to just sit back and look at Eri, observe her, evaluate the role that she plays in my life. My head’s a roar, spinning and spinning and trying to make sense of what’s to come when she’s gone. During the long trips in the company van, while Eri is sleeping and I’m pretending to, images of a future Morning Musume claw through my mind in sudden and sharp, painful flashes… images of us delighting, fretting, struggling, conquering. All without Eri.
I dread the future concerts that I’ll take part in, when I turn to the side, expecting Kamei Eri to be there in all her glory, giving it her all, that crazy ball of energy that she is when she’s on stage. And knowing that when I do, she won’t be there. It will be somebody else. A new 9th gen member, another of my cute kouhais. But not Eri. The thought sends a cold horror sprawling across my heart, it makes me nauseous. She’s been there with me every step of the way. How will Sayumi go on without her right-hand woman? I can’t bear to think of a Morning Musume without my Eririn. I just can’t.
I know time heals everything. It always has, and when some seemingly insurmountable obstacle stands before me, I’ve had a reassuring past of being able to get past it without too much hassle, no problemo.
I’m certain that we will be seeing each other outside of work, as we often have. During my days off, I’m sure we’d still hang out; we’ll go shopping together, we’ll visit each other’s houses and talk about everything under the moon and stars and share our silly little secrets, as we always do.
I have nothing to worry about… nothing, right?
Even so, I’m afraid the distance will eventually deteriorate our relationship. We won’t be able to see each other half as much as we’re able to now, perhaps even less and knowing this, I’m more than afraid, much more. Doubt festers beneath my skin.
And all so suddenly, I have never felt so lonely, so desperately lonely, even in the company of these people who I’ve grown up with. The impending graduation has poisoned my subconscious, made everything dull and sluggish, has somehow drained the colours from the world.
I’m probably making this all sound a lot more dramatic than it really is. The last thing Eri needs right now is a morosely heartbroken Sayumi on her hands; she’s got plenty of her own things to deal with in these last few months leading up to her graduation. I wonder what I can do for her in this time, I know I can’t give her any extra worries.
But she’s taking care of herself, I can see it. It’s long been routine for everybody else to take care of Eri, since she’s a (self-proclaimed) hopeless case at taking care of herself. But now, it seems like it’s the resident turtle herself taking on the role of caring for everybody else. At least, she’s the one reassuring us all in her strange little way (e.g. spending more time being light-hearted and dorky, making us laugh, sneaking in unexpected hugs and cuddles).
The more I think about her the more I come to realise that Eri, as seemingly unreliable as she is, is surprisingly reliable. Eri, my turtle, has been like a rock, a constant and comforting presence, the anchor which keeps me grounded.
It’s only after a whole month since the private graduation announcements that I finally find the voice to tell Eri all these feelings that have been eating me up little by little.
As I tell her everything on my mind, the emotions come flooding over me in tidal waves, gripping my throat as I talk. It’s a gratifying mixture of relief and unburdening, of finally being able to release my sorrows and every petty little uncertainty.
So quickly, my guise of being the stronger one crumbles, and I’m crying in front of Eri, I’m completely exposed and at her mercy. She takes me into her arms, holds me to her in a furious tumble of smells and emotions. I’m swept up by it all – I can’t remember the last time I’ve cried this openly, I can’t remember the last time we embraced like this, if ever. Eri’s surprisingly calm and strong-headed, a sore contrast to the rather helpless, spaced-out turtle I have known for so long, who has always sought my shoulder to lean on, my comforting words, my warmth.
She lifts my chin so I’ll look up at her.
“The reason why I’ve been hanging on to Morning Musume for as long as I have has a lot to do with you,” Eri says, beaming at me that angelic smile that has been the beacon of my life for the last eight years.
“So have a little faith.”
That’s all I need to hear.
I think I will.
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yes! first!
sorry, i had to troll. I saw you post this up and just had to say hi. Hi- glad you're having a blast.
Putting a fic up whilst travelling- impressive.
This was simply heart-wrenching. I love every moment of the ride you've taken me on.
I love Eri- from the moment I saw her tentatively poking out of her shell to make fun of Makoto and Nacchi, to her self-effacing humor, the way she handles Nakazawa-san- becoming that character that would do anything asked of her without question and hesitation, and do it well. I made comparisons for a study fic- don't you think Eri is so much like Rika? Their sense of humor is quite similar, their personalities, the way they respond to being teased (perhaps slightly different, but the essence is the same). They both bloomed best whilst portraying alter egos- both beloved by Nakazawa-san.
The dynamics between Nakazawa and Eri are really interesting too- if we squinted, Eri could be the unruly, adorably hilarious grandson that Nakazawa-san would dote on and favor secretly, much like how Rika was the slightly gawky awkward cute duckling of a baby sister who grew up into a beautiful (still slightly socially awkward) swan that she became so proud of.
I don't know why most of my observations inevitably trace back to Original Leader and/or Rika.
This might be incomprehensible, but after a few more reads, you will be able to tell that I might be slightly inebriated and its 3:30am. Try reading this in the same condition, it might help.
Fabulous update. We miss you around here, but I'm plenty glad you're having 'way too much fun' as it were. Stay off the internet!
love,
inebriated!grac
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:cry: :cry: :cry: Jesus H. Christ in a hand basket on glory day. I had to stop reading in the middle of this because of the wave of depression that swept over me, a wave which has slowly grown stronger since the announcements were made. I think maybe you've hit at all the feelings being felt over this graduation, all the Eri fans (including Sayu) have been spoken for in this work. I won't cry, really, I won't. But thinking about the impending event makes a place in my heart ache. This Morning Musume has been one that I've known for so long now, I really can't begin to imagine it without these three. :cry: :cry:
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That was quite a good one-shot and the Eri/Sayu combination was quite sweet and in the end, that was a very good message
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Nice oneshot Beecubed, the ending was very moving :twothumbs poor Sayu, it's nice hoe Eri gives her the strength to go on, even if she is the resons behing Sayu's insecurities
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GOSH :mon cry:
I was supposed to come here and fangirl, but I can't right now. I'm happy I resisted the temptation of reading this in class, because I would have been crying in the middle of it. The song I was listening to, by chance, while reading this didn't help at all either. Really, wow, you let me spechless here. I'm depressed, but in a good way, if that's even possible.
Since the graduation announcement, I have been waiting for a fic like this. Just like this. I wouldn't change a single thing, or a single word. It's true everything can be improved but I'm super happy (or should I say super depressed?) by the way this turned out. This fic pretty much sums up all my emotions about Eri's graduation. And I absolutely love is from Sayu's point of view, it has been far more emotional this way. And you weren't going to post it, uh? Thank God you changed your mind.
I don't even feel like posting dancing cows, seriously. Ah, the KameShige :cry:....
With the beggining of the fic you made me remember when I found out Kame was going to graduate. I remember I read it somewhere, while lurking. It was a shock just with JJ and LL, I had just started to really like those two. And they haven't been enough time in the group :smhid I was just thinking that when I read about Eririn. Major shock at that time. And now here we are, only a day more to go :cry:...
My breath stops as a clammy tide of panic spills over. In an instant, everything around me seems surreal, everything that’s going on, all the fuss, the subdued murmuring, the stunned looks mirrored on every other face. Nothing is real anymore.
The room’s collapsing beneath me, and I’m light-headed, smothered by the waves of nausea passing through me, one after the other, before I’m completely numb, and then begins the buzzing off my head, the questions, the rising uncertainties. I can sense Eri’s determination to avoid my eyes. Even more strongly, I can sense the flickering glances the other members are giving me from the corners of their eyes.
I love all this. I like how you describe the emotions. They are so damn accurate! And because of that you can always relate to it and get more into the reading. And Eri avoiding her gaze while the others are looking at her wondering how much the notice hit her is awesome too. Don't ask me why, but I really loved this beggining :heart: And Sayu feeling being all emo and guilty over the graduations and remembering how Eri was saying she was going to left MM is awesome too. I think I started crying in that part I'm a crybaby, yeah XD Adding that part of "It’s a boy, isn’t it?" made all even more sad, at least to me. I just wanted to hug Sayu and cry together with her :cry:
Every one of us slips on a mask of polite composure while trying to maintain what idol exuberance we have left in us in the face of such news.
I loved this sentence :heart: I just wanted to point it out XD
But yeah, is so sad when you have to put on a mask, knowing nobody is happy, but everyone is trying so hard to seem like they are, for the sake of the others. It sure was a shock when they heard of it the first time. Stupid graduations. I always wondered how hard this should be to Ai, who is always crying for nothing. Aw :cry:
AND. The next part is is is is :cry: Only with the “It’ll be okay, Sayu” you can see how worried is Eri about the bunny. Even when she isn't exactly happy at the moment, the first thing she does is care about the rest. For Sayu :cry: Kame is so kind dammit, she shouldn't be graduating.
How can it be okay? I want to scream at her, but the words remain painfully lodged in my throat.
Have I said how much I love to read this from Sayu's view? Because I won't mind repeat it a thousand times. Sad/Angry Sayu in this fic makes me cry. Everytime, even at re-reading. And she is in that state the whole fic, so you can imagine what I was doing all the time lol. It's so emotional. So sad. So awesome. I LOVE THE ANGST ~ :heart:
And Eri taking Reina aside to talk to her in private was another detail I like very much. She is telling her to take care of Sayu when she is not around, right? And comforting her too <3 The yankee isn't as tough as she want us to believe. The other day in the concert MC Reina was saying something about what will they do without Eri scolding her about various things (food especially) xD Aw, now I like Reina a little more. Eri is an important member to everyone in one way or another. In fact, I'm sure Eri took aside each one of the members to talk in private about it. She's awesome like that, I know it.
Eri must have noticed the conflicting emotions within me, that or Reina told her something, because that night she slips into my room.
There's nobody around so Eri holds my hand, interlaces our fingers and I feel a slight dampness growing between our palms. We're holding on so tight.
“Sayu…” she says quietly. My name has never sounded so precious.
GOSH again :mon cry:
It's really heart-wrenching, and sweet at the same time. The bond those two have is so precious. This part was one of my favourites and one of which made me cry harder.
And Gaki XD What the heck, when someomes interrups, usually it's her, I noticed just now, and for some reason cracked up. It seems my emotional stability isn't very stable these days XD But oh well, is so like her to be that way. Gaki-saaan <3
The description of how the situation was affecting the members had a lot of details I loved. For example the mention of Ai-LinLin friendship. I'm lately craving for some sisterly-love fic with those two. Just because both of them are adorable being like sisters and I want to read about it :heart: And GakiKame too. I can't see GakiKame as a pairing, but friendship is a completely different story. They usually got paired up in a lot of programs and such, and their combo is always so enjoyable <3 Is nice to see Gaki clinging onto Eri here. And I like and approve the inestable mood of Gaki <3
and then we have Ai-chan, who’s been crying a lot, but then she’s usually crying so I can’t say much about that.
:lol: :lol: :lol:
I feel bad about this, but I lol'ed with this sentence. I'm sorry. Crybaby Ai-chan is love :heart:
And yay, another awesome detail, the leader trying to talk with Sayu to comfort her. Even though she didn't let her. But well, we know how reserved can be Sayu with her feelings, especially when she is feeling sad.
Even so, I’m afraid the distance will eventually deteriorate our relationship. We won’t be able to see each other half as much as we’re able to now, perhaps even less and knowing this, I’m more than afraid, much more. Doubt festers beneath my skin.
This is one thing I have been worried about. Distance is such a dangerous thing sometimes. I really hope this won't damage their friendship. But I know their bond is strong, so I won't worry too much. I'm sure they will hang together as much as they can, and they will be talking, or mailing, or whatever, each day. KAMESHIGE WILL LIVE NO MATTER WHAT :cry: And again, sad Sayu is sad *huggles for the bunny*
The more I think about her the more I come to realise that Eri, as seemingly unreliable as she is, is surprisingly reliable. Eri, my turtle, has been like a rock, a constant and comforting presence, the anchor which keeps me grounded.
This is pure truth. I think Eri is unreliable when she knows she can be like that. But when is needed she can be the realiable one. She can take care of herself and take care of others.
And then, the ending. THE ENDING OMG :mon cry:
I was going to quote again, but it was going to be a huge quote, so, no quotes for this part.
I don't have words to express how much I loved this part. I cried. And I melted. And cried again. It's so beautiful. And sweet. And moving. And lovely. And adorable. And KameShige. And I don't know. It's definitely my favourite part of this one shot. And I hope you are happy, making me cry this much. But I couldn't have hoped for a fic better than this one. Like I said, is exactly what I was waiting for, what I was searching for, since the graduation announcement. Thanks Bee :cry: :heart:
And by the way, I like how you had centered the attention in Eri's graduation, but without ignoring the other members who are graduating as well. I tend to give too much attention to Eri and it seems like I don't care about the pandas, but that's not true. And that's what I'm saying I like about this, I mean, here and there, you expressed that they all will be missed, no matter who is your favourite <3 Not only that, there was a lot of details in this fic that made it even more amazing and emotional :heart: I don't know if I'm explaning properly but anyway. I'm really happy you wrote it and shared it with us :heart:
And I quoted quite a lot, I'm sorry :lol: Just know I loved it, and you made my day today, even if I felt depressed :heart: But I think I feel a little happier now. So... it's time for dancing cows to celebrate the update!
:cow: :cow: :cow: :cow: IT'S A KAMESHIGE UPDATE YAY :cow: :cow: :cow: :cow:
I'll be waiting for mooore ~ :heart:
yes! first!
:mon wtfmm: :mon wtfmm:
You won this time, grac... Next time I'm gonna be first for sure! Here and in your thread too! Since when this is a competition, you ask? I don't know...
I love inebriated!grac btw. Your rants too late at night (or should I say too early in the mornings?) are awesome XD
Oh, and I forgot...
Kamei Eri forever. :heart:
:mon yeah: :mon yeah: :mon yeah: :mon yeah: :mon yeah: :mon yeah: :mon yeah:
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S e c r e t A d m i r e r :wub: :wub: :wub:
Wuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :panic: :panic: :panic: :panic: :panic: :panic: :panic: :panic:
I'm crazy for this fic
Please one more chapter :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:
A L i t t l e F a i t h
Omg !!! is so good .. Im crying :on speedy:
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secret admirer is making me curious about how will the story continue :yep:
what will happen then?
oh...but i have a question, “Yeah…” Risa says, distractedly, her hands slipping to her chest and then off. “Just… I don’t know. Weirdly stimulated like I had one hell of a wet dream or something.” She shifts in her seat again.
what'd she mean with wet dream? is she like, have to pee or something? uhm...? :dunno:
a little faith
you know, it is raining when i read this fic, and the song that i heard is 'goodbye my love' from 8eight....these two things + your fic makes me feel blue....my eyes got watery..and i got a strange look from my mother because of it.... :nervous
i like kameshige a lot...this pairing is the first that i shipped...and the understanding that the turtle gives to the bunny when the bunny sad or something and trying to hide it, and the attention that the bunny always gives to the turtle...i just cant help but feel sad that they wont be have work together for now...that they may have to see each other less than before...thus, i believe that because these two need each other company a lot, that this two is having this great relationship, i believe that even if they are working separately, they will continue to bond...because kameshige is one.
ah, and i really like this line,
“The reason why I’ve been hanging on to Morning Musume for as long as I have has a lot to do with you,” Eri says, beaming at me that angelic smile that has been the beacon of my life for the last eight years.
“So have a little faith.”
That’s all I need to hear.
I think I will.
i am blabbering strangely, arent i? ^^;
i am sorry, i dont know how to write a more proper comment...later, i will learn how to comment properly :yep:
bee-san...i really like your fic and i have become your fans ^^~
for now, i will wait patiently until your next update
bee-san ganbare~ ^o^
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wow, bee. you're like the poster child for delurking recruitments. and a right proper commenter too.
one more and you win a toaster oven. :grin:
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More people delurking ? :w00t: And people who likes babbling! :heart: Come and join us in the Bee fanclub ShiroiHana! :welcome
*feels like spamming but doesn't care*
:cow: :cow: :cow: :cow: :cow: :cow: :cow:
oh...but i have a question, “Yeah…” Risa says, distractedly, her hands slipping to her chest and then off. “Just… I don’t know. Weirdly stimulated like I had one hell of a wet dream or something.” She shifts in her seat again.
what'd she mean with wet dream? is she like, have to pee or something? uhm...? :dunno:
She mean she felt like she had a naughty dream <.< A very naughty and sexy dream ~ :heart:
What she doesn't know is that it wasn't a dream at all
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@ tightrope :
lol, okay, i will join the Bee fanclub :hee:
She mean she felt like she had a naughty dream <.< A very naughty and sexy dream ~ :heart:
What she doesn't know is that it wasn't a dream at all
oh....i see...? so it is something like that, :yep:
i thought it's something else ^^'
sankyuu for answering :)
*ps : umm...? is it okay if i post something like this before the actual update? :dunno: *
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Replying to A Little Faith comments::::
@grac:
That's okay... grac can troll all she wants. :love: Kinda funny actually that there seems to be some unspoken competition to post comments first after updates XD (I'm kinda guilty of that sometimes, actually...)
Putting a fic up whilst travelling- impressive.
This was simply heart-wrenching. I love every moment of the ride you've taken me on.
Actually, I already had the whole one-shot written up a long time ago, just after Eri/JJ/LL grad announcements, so for me it was just a matter of refining everything. ^____^
But thank you, I'm happy I got across to you the feelings :heart:
I love Eri- from the moment I saw her tentatively poking out of her shell to make fun of Makoto and Nacchi, to her self-effacing humor, the way she handles Nakazawa-san- becoming that character that would do anything asked of her without question and hesitation, and do it well.
:wub:
Well said. Just some of the reasons I love Eri too; there's much more about her that's to love, but I just simply find every bit of her endearing. :wriggly:
For me, Eri was the first of the 'modern' Musumes to steal my attention. Ai has certainly wiggled her way up, but Eri will always be the cutest thing to have come from H!P. Ever. :heart:
I made comparisons for a study fic- don't you think Eri is so much like Rika? Their sense of humor is quite similar, their personalities, the way they respond to being teased (perhaps slightly different, but the essence is the same). They both bloomed best whilst portraying alter egos- both beloved by Nakazawa-san.
:yep:
There's a reason why Masa and daigong call Eri Rika Jr. :grin:
They really are similar in ways, though I think Rika has gone on to adopt a much more confident personality, whilst Eri still has her reservations at times. But yah, they were both able to bloom thanks to their alter egos, and both cared for by Nakazawa, like you said. And they're both my top idols, so I guess you can say I have a thing for those kinds of characters... :P
love,
inebriated!grac
:lol:
Inebriated!grac is awesome. Hey, any grac is awesome, what am I talking about?! :sweatdrop:
Looking forward to more of your rants, and thank you muchly for your comment :heart:
@rndm:
Firstly, thanks for your comment! :love:
I think maybe you've hit at all the feelings being felt over this graduation, all the Eri fans (including Sayu) have been spoken for in this work.
Awwww, that was a really nice thing to say. :love:
I guess I was projecting all my feelings and doubt through Sayu's voice... I mean, even after Eri told all her fans that everything would be okay, I had my doubts and my fears. I was also afraid that after this graduation, Eri would be gone forever. I had to write this one-shot, just to spill... Sayu's perspective being a great vehicle for that, as I'm sure she'd been sharing some of the same uncertainties. ^_^
I won't cry, really, I won't. But thinking about the impending event makes a place in my heart ache. This Morning Musume has been one that I've known for so long now, I really can't begin to imagine it without these three. :cry: :cry:
Yeah, it was a very hard graduation to go through... it was the first one for me, as a fan. :cry:
It's been a while since the graduations... so how have you been holding up? :)
Hopefully very well. You're still active around here and posting awesome things (like that piece about Ai-chan's graduation and how you'd like to accept it :wub:). Keep up the good work! :thumbsup
@kuro:
Thanks for your comment, I'm glad you enjoyed it :thumbsup
@oddball:
I'm sure you've seen all the KameShige moments in the aftermath of the grad annoucements - you definitely tell that Eri is a source of strength for Sayu, despite her being doubtful of what's to come when Eri's gone. It's only because they care about each other so much. :oops:
Thank you! Glad you liked it. :heart:
@ropychan:
You already know how much I love your comments, and not just in this thread either... everywhere else! :heart:
I can't begin to thank you for being such a wonderful commenter :bow: I think it's safe to say your comments alone can fill the void of all the lurkers out there XD YAY for ropychan delurking, once again! :love:
Since the graduation announcement, I have been waiting for a fic like this. Just like this. I wouldn't change a single thing, or a single word. It's true everything can be improved but I'm super happy (or should I say super depressed?) by the way this turned out. This fic pretty much sums up all my emotions about Eri's graduation. And I absolutely love is from Sayu's point of view, it has been far more emotional this way. And you weren't going to post it, uh? Thank God you changed your mind.
Thank God I did end up posting it, then :lol: YAY!
I'm super happy this has met all your expectations!!! :onioncheer:
All the thoughts and emotions were right from my heart at first, but of course had to quickly substitute Sayu in, and tweak things a bit. Lol. Me writing my super creepy fangirl thoughts as they are won't do. XD
I like how you describe the emotions. They are so damn accurate! And because of that you can always relate to it and get more into the reading.
It's probably the only thing I can do :lol:
I'm not very good with subtlety, I find. That's why I have to be so direct with describing things. But I'm glad it works for you! :thumbsup
Sad/Angry Sayu in this fic makes me cry. Everytime, even at re-reading. And she is in that state the whole fic, so you can imagine what I was doing all the time lol. It's so emotional. So sad. So awesome. I LOVE THE ANGST ~ :heart:
You're a funny one, ropychan. Are you more into crack or angst? :lol:
But awwwww... you actually cried? *glomps ropychan* You must be a crybaby then, like me. XD
But since you seem to be such a fan of angst, you'll be happy with Secret Admirer. Hopefully. :P THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLIMENTS~ BEE IS HAPPY. :tama-lotsaluv:
And Eri taking Reina aside to talk to her in private was another detail I like very much. She is telling her to take care of Sayu when she is not around, right? And comforting her too <3
Well, it was actually Reina who took Eri aside first to talk about what's going on between her and Sayu (as everybody is surprised Sayu didn't know, and worried she may have felt hurt that Eri hadn't mentioned it to her before). So it was more to do with that, but I'm sure along the course of their conversation, Eri would be asking Reina to take care of Sayu. She'd be asking everybody to take care of Sayu, and make sure the bunny does not feel lonely. :)
And Gaki XD What the heck, when someomes interrups, usually it's her, I noticed just now, and for some reason cracked up. It seems my emotional stability isn't very stable these days XD But oh well, is so like her to be that way. Gaki-saaan <3
Yay for ropychan loving that scene. :cow: And yes, Gaki-san sunshine interrupts everything. She's just great like that, a real force to be reckoned with everywhere she goes, imo. :yep:
The description of how the situation was affecting the members had a lot of details I loved. For example the mention of Ai-LinLin friendship. I'm lately craving for some sisterly-love fic with those two.
OHHHHHHH??? :hee:
I feel bad about this, but I lol'ed with this sentence. I'm sorry. Crybaby Ai-chan is love :heart:
Hehe... that's okay, I laugh at crybaby Ai-chan too. XD
And ropychan mentioned quite frequently the awesome details that she loved... XD Bee will try her best to keep up with awesome details! :cow:
This is one thing I have been worried about. Distance is such a dangerous thing sometimes. I really hope this won't damage their friendship. But I know their bond is strong, so I won't worry too much.
With all the subbed stuff that we've seen of KameShige since, I feel quite reassured. They really are the best of friends; constantly gushing about each other and all that. I have a feeling we really don't need to worry. ^_____^
The only thing that's sad is we just won't be able to see it, now that Eri is gone. :(
This is pure truth. I think Eri is unreliable when she knows she can be like that. But when is needed she can be the realiable one. She can take care of herself and take care of others.
Yeah. We all know now that Sayu finds Eri to be the one she's relied on all this time, and that past her aho exterior, Eri knows how to care for and comfort the other members. Should've known anyway, with that TanaKame story involving Reina's bangs. xD
And then, the ending. THE ENDING OMG :mon cry:
I don't have words to express how much I loved this part. I cried. And I melted. And cried again. It's so beautiful. And sweet. And moving. And lovely. And adorable. And KameShige. And I don't know. It's definitely my favourite part of this one shot. And I hope you are happy, making me cry this much. But I couldn't have hoped for a fic better than this one. Like I said, is exactly what I was waiting for, what I was searching for, since the graduation announcement. Thanks Bee :cry: :heart:
Awwwwww... :mon lovelaff: ropychan so cute. :wub:
And what a cute little comment. Thank you! Reading that made me very happy... because you know, the ending was actually the part of the one-shot that I worked on first... everything else led up to that culminating moment. :P
And you're welcome. Crying is good for the soul, ya know. :P
*squishes you*
And by the way, I like how you had centered the attention in Eri's graduation, but without ignoring the other members who are graduating as well.
I had to. JJ and LL are also a part of all this, and it would've been selfish if Sayu had only focused all her thoughts and feelings on Eri. :twothumbs
And I quoted quite a lot, I'm sorry :lol: Just know I loved it, and you made my day today, even if I felt depressed :heart: But I think I feel a little happier now. So... it's time for dancing cows to celebrate the update!
Hehe... I'm sorry for the downer, but I'm glad you enjoyed it overall. And no worries about the quoting; quoting a lot shows me that you've read deeply and it points out to me what I'm doing right too. :)
Overall, that was one amazing comment and I loved every little thing about it. :wub: Inspiring, just to read it again!
HONTO NI ARIGATO, ROPYCHAN! :heart:
@Tami_Ai:
Hehe, that was quite a reaction! :heart:
I will update Secret Admirer shortly, and I hope you continue to read it :P
Glad you liked both, and thanks for dropping by to comment! Really appreciate it. :thumbsup
@ShiroiHana:
Hey, did you just totally waste your first post on this thread???!! :shocked
... :lol:
Yay, thank you! :k-inlove: I hope it was the story that brought you out from lurking, although I haven't seen you around lately. But please come back and continue to be active with your reading and fangirling! :wub:
I saw some of your posts in the KameShige thread, you're a lovely and dedicated fan, I'm sure we'd all love to see more of you. You should start your own thread too, as I saw you had some great poems posted there that would do some good here too. :)
oh...but i have a question, “Yeah…” Risa says, distractedly, her hands slipping to her chest and then off. “Just… I don’t know. Weirdly stimulated like I had one hell of a wet dream or something.” She shifts in her seat again.
what'd she mean with wet dream? is she like, have to pee or something? uhm...? :dunno:
:lol:
Well ropychan did explain it to you, but that's so cute. xD
You needed to understand that before you realised what was going on in the prologue though, so I hope you still understood... :grin:
i like kameshige a lot...this pairing is the first that i shipped...and the understanding that the turtle gives to the bunny when the bunny sad or something and trying to hide it, and the attention that the bunny always gives to the turtle...i just cant help but feel sad that they wont be have work together for now...that they may have to see each other less than before...thus, i believe that because these two need each other company a lot, that this two is having this great relationship, i believe that even if they are working separately, they will continue to bond...because kameshige is one.
Yep, I could tell right away you were a big KameShige fan. That's awesome - we so need more of them around here!!!! :bow:
Thank you for taking your time to write about your feelings for them, I really appreciate it and agree with what you said.
KameShige are the best of friends, and as you can see from all the DVDs and behind the scenes, they are crazy about each other XD Even if we won't be seeing much of them anymore, I have hope that they will continue to be together forever. :tama-lotsaluv:
i am blabbering strangely, arent i? ^^;
i am sorry, i dont know how to write a more proper comment...later, i will learn how to comment properly :yep:
No, not at all! For a first post comment, that was great! :twothumbs
I'm sure as you continue to read and comment, your commenting skills will improve. You've done a great job so far though, and I hope to see more of you around this part of the forum! :nya:
bee-san...i really like your fic and i have become your fans ^^~
for now, i will wait patiently until your next update
bee-san ganbare~ ^o^
Bee-san? :lol: kawaiii... *pats Shiroi*
Awwwww~ you're too cute. I'm glad to have found a fan in you. :love: Thank you for your encouragement!
Sorry about the lack of updates, you've probably forgotten all about JPH!P already, but next chapter up very soon. :luvuluvu:
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Replying to Secret Admirer comments::::
@oddball:
I'm glad you thought highly of it... I did put quite a bit of effort into the prologue, as people like junkie-chan can ascertain XD
So Ai has mind control powers and she, and she used then to have her way with Gaki :shocked :panic:
Yup, you summarised it in a nutshell, thanks for that :lol:
Thanks for commenting and hope you like the next update :thumbsup
@kuro:
Yay, I'm glad you liked it! :twothumbs
Gaki seems rather confused on trying to pursue Ai however, Ai has mind control
Hmmm? Did you take it that Risa was wondering if she should chase after Ai? xD Where'd you get that? Well, that was not my intention anyway... ^^;
Yes, Ai has mind control. Cool, yes? 8)
@kano-chan:
Eh? What sort of memories? Is it about the letter? :mon dunno: hmmm...So Ai-chan can control the mind.. Did Gaki find out in the past or something? :on ksweat:
Ahh~ thanks for commenting, kano-chan, but you appear to have been just a little confused by the prologue XD
That's okay, I'm not very good at bringing across ideas in simple and easy to understand ways. My fault. :kneelbow:
The letter is there, it's meant to make you question what's going on, but we're not supposed to know when it was written, and how it connects to everything.
We can assume that Ai had used her mind control powers on Gaki-san and then wiped her mind, so that she could not remember what happened (as her thoughts near the end of the prologue suggest).
When Risa wakes up feeling oddly stimulated, we can guess that Ai played a part in that. That she had her way with Gaki-san, as oddball put very nicely ^__^ I'm sorry that you didn't understand it, it's my writing =____=
But glad that you're still interested, and hope that you follow this up anyway. :love:
@grac:
:nya: :nya: :nya:
Grac comments are GOOD! :love:
I love the premise of this entire story (not just the mind control secks part). I've certainly had my fair share of admiring people from a distance and harboring secret crushes. Its really fascinating to profile the psyche of someone who would go to the extent of confessing their love by writing to their beloved anonymously. Its probably just as difficult to write that anonymous letter, as it is to confess verbally, isn't it?
I'm glad you've looked past the mind control secks part to find other things to like about the fic, that's for sure XD
Secret crushes are hard ^^; *Bee has had her fair share too*
Yeah, it can be hard to write anonymously, but at least the fear of instant rejection (in the face) is not as intense. Thus why secret admirer letters have been written here. ^__^
The fear of being found out. Absolutely fantastic description of that feeling. It is, oddly enough, the same rush one would get when you get when (a) someone confesses their attraction to you, and (b) when you get the pre-breakup 'we have to talk'.
:kneelbow:
It's what I like to call having an internal-slowly-turned-external panic attack :lol:
Fear produces physical reactions similar to panic and excitement. :yep:
This is really interesting. I wonder if this is the first time Risa's looked at Ai like that, or if its a residual psychic imprint?
I really like the way grac thinks :P
I totally get that- if I found out suddenly that I had superpowers, I'm not going to wait for Professor X to assess me before I start using them.
This post-event dissonance is very realistic. What remains to be seen is if these moments would just get easier, or more agonizing.
You will understand more of that when that particular scene (that I have yet to write, of course) comes along... but you're right. Ai suddenly realises she has these powers, they give her an immense surge of euphoric confidence, Risa is there, the object of all her desires and fantasies, what's Ai gonna do? :P
Thank you for your wisdom, grac. You pointed out some things that make a writer like me very excited. You're picking up on the things I want you to talk about, and to wonder. :heart:
Absolute power corrupts absolutely. I'd love to see the ethical conflict in this new Ai-chan.
Thank you for writing this, Bee. Looking forward to more.
Ethical conflicts you will get! :cow:
My pleasure, now you go update On Call and we're all happy. :otomerika:
I will now go fantasize about what happened before the "night time hush".
Did you enjoy yourself? :k-wink:
Those events will be revealed down the road. ^__^
And Bee can be our sempai. :bow:
Well, at lot has happened since you made that comment, and right now I can HARDLY call myself your sempai... :lol:
If anything, I'd like to be under your wing <3
If you swing past Malaysia, you're very welcome to the use of my guest room.
Next time, definitely <3 But would you have been able to house 15 people in that guest room? XD
I think you should find your own rhythm and follow that- you're the author and your craft is the reflection of your emotions and thoughts. You could write an entire chapter filled with four-dollar words, or just single syllables to match the mood of your piece. Do what you will- we await with bated breath.
Grac wisdom steals the limelight yet again. Thank you for those words, they were really encouraging! :tama-yeeaah:
Thank you for your comment, loved it. :wub:
@ropychan:
Ropychan comment, suggoiiii... once again... ^^; *Bee is stunned by ropychan's amazing efforts*
Reading your comments again even after such a long time is so motivating :wriggly:
You, like grac, really picked up on things that made me cheer :onioncheer: if anything, it shows that you've read deeply and thought about things beyond the text itself. Thank you! :kneelbow:
I came at light speed when you told me you updated. I scrolled down and down and down until I saw the header, only to make sure. Then I went all "Kyaaah it's here, it's here for realz~~ omg even the letters of the header are pretty omg I wanna read, I wanna read right now" fangirled like a little kid and finally I scrolled up up up up again and began reading XD
XD
What a cutie you are! :luvuluvu:
Thanks for answering my questions. ^^; most of the other readers skipped out on that, kinda shows what they're more interested in.. :grin:
In fact, I noticed that too. But I think you shouldn't worry too much. In general, you can understand the meaning, even for words you have never seen before, thanks to context they are in. If not, that's why dictionaries (http://www.wordreference.com/) exists.
:twothumbs
Feedback like this I need. Even though you say it's understandable, I will try to make it a bit easier to grasp in the following chapters (although chapter 1 is a bit wordy too :sweatdrop:).
Hmmm I would like to know first... how is a short chapter and how is a long chapter for you?
Super short chapter = 500-1000 words
Short chapter = 1000-2500 words
Long chapter = 2500-5000 words
Super long chapter = 5000 words+
And then you have epically long chapters like Essy's 10,000+ word chapters :lol:
Glad you like 'em long though. This one coming up is kinda long.
Talking about letters... I like how do you start the fic with that letter. Maybe we'll have a new letter with each chapter? Or is this the only one? But it makes me wonder... when did Ai write that letter? Before she even began to use mind control powers, or after that? In the prologue we really don't know if Gaki has read it yet, because she didn't mention it.So maybe she didn't read it yet, or maybe she read it and she will mention it later.
BUT THEN.
If this happened before Ai-chan decided to use mind control, did Gaki reply? Did not? Did her actions encourage Ai to do what she did?
And if this happened after... why then? Is a way for Ai to deal with her conflicted feelings? Conflicted feelings -> I love you but I'm almost raping you but I'm feeling way too guilty but I don't think I can stop now but please dont hate me? XD Is she trying to approach normally Gaki in top of controlling her every now and then?
Am I just thinking too much without reaching a coherent conclusion? Definitely yes :sweat:
:mon inluv: :mon inluv: :mon inluv:
*pats and squishes and huggles ropychan*
I wrote it like that because that's what I wanted for readers to do. Start questioning. xD You're doing EXACTLY that, and you're doing a great job, there's no need to come to a coherent conclusion yet because you don't have enough of the story to work with! But YES YES YES! Keep it up with the speculating! xD Ropychan is asking all the right questions, I'm so happy ;________; lol... besides, you asking all those questions help me to think about how I can construct the story to help you understand things, or to give you extra hints. It's definitely helping with the writing process for me, thank you. :bow: :heart:
I guess I’ve reached the point where if I don’t somehow get my feelings across to you, I might just lose it… I might lose everything.
I blame that line for all the ranting above. It's bothering me way too much, it can means nothing, but it can means so much too... And I know, I know, I overthink about insignificant details and then miss the big hints XD My head is weird like that.
^ for that part, you're probably overthinking it xD
*pat pat* I'm happy to see you thinking very deeply about it, but please don't tire yourself out unnecessarily XD
Wait, what? :shocked: That means we have TanaGaki here? TanaGaki?? OMG. This is the first time I saw this pairing, I think. And I'm hoping to see Reina with an important role in this fic! Aside from being "the girlfriend", I mean.
Please, please, can we have some Reina? :heart:
Hai, TanaGaki desu yo. ^___^
Rndm likes to ship this pairing, she had a whole story on them (which I would like to get to reading after I've finished all my TakaGaki <3).
Ropychan's wish is my command. I wasn't really thinking of giving Reina much space here, but since you've requested it (some other members have shown interest too), I've been thinking of how I can feature her more in the story. Lots of scenes have popped into my head. Thanks. :thumbsup
This this. If Gaki start now showing interest in Ai-chan, wouldn't that be due the "forgotten memories" with her? Or maybe those memories are just "helping" her to realize her true and undying love she actually likes Ai.
More questioning from ropychan. Good, good! :wub:
Do you actually want me to answer those questions though, or would you like to find out? XD
And btw, Gaki seems pretty worn out. I mean, she's even testing if she can walk properly. I can't help myself but wonder for how long did Ai keep her mind control on Gaki for keep doing... you know XD I get the feeling poor Risa is going to be quite restless lately and she won't even know why :lol: :lol:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
She was sleeping on the study table for a while... but I guess if you want to view it that way, be my guest :twisted:
So funny. XD
She seemed to feel more fear than regret at first, but she definitely knows she has crossed THE line. Now she can't go back.
Fear + Ethnical conflicts = OH THE DRAMA assured.
And even if the fear factor goes away, something I don't see happening at all with Gaki being that perceptive, she still have to deal with all those dark emotions. Can Ai really manage all that? And I don't even want to think what will happen when the secret comes out, omg.
Yeah, she's definitely crossed the line as she thought in the prologue. :bleed eyes:
Can Ai manage with all those dark emotions? Fair question. And another question for you... WILL the secret ever come out? >___>
And why we couldn't see it XD ? I want TakaGaki hotness! :drool:
LOL. Don't you worry, ropychan, I will be writing about the events that lead up to Ai's momentous night and you will get to see :drool: TakaGaki :love:
I'm really curious how are you going to develop the plot from here. At least I know in the end isn't going to be a yay we all are happy ~ happy ending!. Some people are going to be scarred for life here :cry: Ah~ the angst :heart: I love it.
We talked about this quite a while before... ^__^
I could make it a happy ending if I wanted, but you don't think it's possible?
I have to say you really impressed me with some descriptions in this chapter, Bee :heart: And with your writing in general. Loved it :heart:
:onioncheer:
Ropychan-approval, noted! :wahaha:
I hope this rant makes sense somehow. Keep up the good work!
That wasn't a rant. That was awesomeness. Thank you for taking your time to write up this awesomeness, it really made me excited reading it! :cow: :cow: :cow:
*huggles ropychan once more* :heart:
@waiwai:
Awwwww~ so cute. :love:
I'm not sure. When people ask me that, I always have the urge to respond by asking where Momusu has been all my life XD Knowing that would help answer your question :lol:
Yay, I'm so glad you're liking it that much already! :cow:
Feel free to ask me about photoshopping, I've been using it since late 2005. The most important thing I'd have to say is using TEXTURES. Without textures, I wouldn't be able to photoshop ;____;
now...ai ia halla screwed if risa finds out i belive..and i think she doesnt realise that what the mind cant remember the body probably will XDD
YES! :D
and i wants reina in this too~ X3 i cant wait for more and i cant wait to see how ai'll change in this since it seems this is just a ticking time bomb...also
Reina you will get, and I hope you enjoy the development of characters. Actually, I hope I can actually write that well :sweatdrop: Knowing me and my noobiness, it'll be difficult, but my aim is to show you how the characters grow and change through all these... activities... XD
i cant wait for a perv :P
Noted... :lol: remember this story was born out of the need to write up a perv. It will get pervy. :oops:
Thank you for reading and commenting!!! :heart:
@SarangAi:
OMG this is GOOD. I'm like, shaking with joy right now and fist-pumping. My cousin is asking if I need to go to the hospital. :w00t: :w00t: :w00t: :cow:
Awwwww~ thank you! :3
Fellow TakaGaki enthusiast, I feel somehow accomplished to have produced such a reaction from you. xD :twothumbs
So Ai-chan has mind control powers.... HM, what could she have made Gaki-san do that night?? :twisted: :twisted:
Keep thinking about it, it might inspire you with your fic writing (i.e. write a TakaGaki perv, onegai... :cry:).
ps- I'd say shorter chapters and frequent updates, so we know you're alive :lol: But I have no right to say that :nervous
Yeah, sorry. Me and my laziness has drawn this out until now. ^^; You DO have the right to say that, you're an awesome updater.
Anyways, thanks for dropping by, having a read and leaving a comment. Means a lot! :love: :heart: :yep:
@Steph:
Oh mai gaw~!!! It's here!!! It's here!!! Oh mai gaw!!! :cow: That was awesome!!!!!! :twothumbs :panic:
:lol: :lol: :lol:
We're talking about a TakaGaki story here... I can't imagine how you'd respond if this were an AiEri fic, but you know, that is uber cute and I really appreciate you taking an interest in the fic. Yay! :otomerika: :yossi:
I most definitely think you will, after reading that prologue ^^. You're doing an awesome job :thumbsup. Besides you really love writing and that shows so I'm pretty sure this story will be phenomenal :P
Awww, you have too much faith in me. :heart:
I hope I won't disappoint you ^^; Thanks for the warm compliments! :k-inlove:
So do you still remember that huh? :mon impatient: It's been a while but is ok if you don't want to :mon hanky: i'll just be here and wait and... keep posting one-shots you won't read :mon runcry:
ok forget my little drama xD but yeah don't worry about it .. much :P
:lol:
*huggles steph*
I still have so many fics to catch up with, and I promise you I will read your stuff <3
You're the only one around here who actively ships AiEri after all (they're one of the pairings I like better xD). I have to show my support for you when I can! :love:
Also I really like that way you write made it so easily to read throughout the whole prologue without losing the essence and also pictured everything that was going on as well as the feelings. you really got me since the first line v^^
Thanks for taking your time to write up a nice, meaningful comment for me, it means a lot!!!! :shy1:
I was initially a little worried that it would be hard to understand, but I'm relieved to hear that from you. ^___^
Did I just read a little TanaGaki here?!!! :w00t: *oh please please, even a little, please!*
XD
Everybody seems more interested in the TanaGaki :lol:
I will really have to make sure Reina plays more an important role here. <333
Listen carefully Ai, with great power comes great responsibility.
I say it before and i'll say it again. I really really love the way you write. Going through Ai's emotions ... *sigh* ... can't wait for the first chapter more drama and angst :farofflook:
Awesome piece of advice... now whether Ai-chan can understand that :nervous
THANK YOU FOR COMMENTING <3 That was a great comment too. Hope you enjoy the next chapter of drama and angst. :oops:
@baddie:
Life couldn't be better for me, thank you very much :) That is, if I didn't have to fly so much for work (and leisure :lol:) which ironically is the best time to catch up with the fics :P
:nya:
That's great to hear! :)
You have to fly around for work??? :shocked That sounds like a lot of fun and travelling for me... what exactly do you do? :D
On the Prologue...
OMG WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?! *being a drama queen* LOL that was exaggerating but this is _______! Haha I have no words simply because this is beyond awesome. And it's just the prologue? Okay you got me sold :inlove: *sits patiently for the first chapter*
Another strong reaction... XD
I'm happy to hear that the prologue got you :heart:... now if I can keep the momentum up for it to live up to your expectations. :thumbsup
Hope you continue to follow this and that you like the.. first chapter.. :nervous
Thanks for your comment! :love: :heart:
HOLY COW.
I really need to learn how to respond more moderately :sweatdrop:
I kinda feel bad if I don't show that I appreciate the effort readers put in though >___________<
BUT BUT BUT! I've been sitting here thinking about what to do instead 'coz I just can't do this every time... so...
As thanks, I'd like to give away some photocards to readers after the story's done. I've offered to give away photocards before @ Chuuch & competitions at H!O & LJ, and was thinking it would be nice to do it here too. Hopefully this will be thanks enough, and it'll make me feel better about not having to respond to comments in such detail as well :nervous
I have WAAAAY too many photocards (10,000+ now =___=), and I think a good lot of them would appreciate the attention from more modest owners :lol:
As a heads up, if you're a Rika, Ai-chan or Eri fan, you're in luck. Most of the photocards are of them. :P
(http://img718.imageshack.us/img718/2751/photo537.th.jpg) (http://img718.imageshack.us/i/photo537.jpg/) (http://img440.imageshack.us/img440/2950/photo436a.th.jpg) (http://img440.imageshack.us/i/photo436a.jpg/) (http://img709.imageshack.us/img709/2300/photo388o.th.jpg) (http://img709.imageshack.us/i/photo388o.jpg/)
^ Some of Bee's crazy collection. :bleed eyes:
---
Sooooooooo....................
A little more than two months on, chapter one, finally ^^;
Sorry for the major delay in updating, but I did have the awesomest overseas trip to enjoy. Then got home and got sad, and then just plain lazy. I didn’t want to write – I just wanted to read. But I am reminded once again I need to get things going (Thank you ropychan and grac for being the best motivators in the world. I love you guys. :mon inluv:)
I’m sorry this first chapter is a little slow. And the first part involves A LOT of telling (messy telling too, gomen >__<) – I was thinking about balancing it out with some scenes, but I couldn’t think how. I just needed to get most of Ai’s history out there first thing; I’m not skilful enough to do this any other way. Plus, I don’t need this to get any longer than it already is… Hopefully I can update a bit quicker next time – but the length of this chapter should make up for it in the mean time? I really do need to quicken the pace a little. For the peeps anticipating it to get explosively pervy, sorry too. Not until a little down the track… ^^;
Anyways, without further ado, chapter one.
Hope you guys like it. :)
-
(http://img229.imageshack.us/img229/8462/secretadmirer.png)
Chapter One
“Compared to what we should be, we are only half alive. We are making use of only a small part of our mind power. Deep down inside of us are vast powers we know nothing of and never use.”
---
The human mind is truly, in every sense of the word, a phenomenon.
It’s mysterious in its workings, capable of so much more than first meets the eye. The enormity of its mental potential has never been uncovered or fully understood by humankind. And slumbering eternally within the average human brain are immeasurable, hidden complexities and talents– never to be awakened, to be realised and consciously utilised. The true power of the brain is wild, volatile, too erratic to be manageable on any level. The singular, most frustrating stumbling block: finding a way to somehow reveal its veiled depths, unlock its power, harness this at will…
And what is the human mind really capable of?
A speck sampling of the global population reveals people who have phenomenal out-of-the-world memory, those who can bend spoons with their mind and others who can train themselves to withstand debilitating degrees of heat, cold or pain by sheer spiritual willpower.
Takahashi Ai, at a mere five years old, was discovered by her teachers to possess similar exceptional cognitive abilities. At five years old, such talent was still raw, largely undeveloped and untouched. The potential that Ai had in her manifested in select ways– especially so in the way of academia. At only 5 years of age, she was already showing high mental arithmetic functioning, which many a teacher had come to bear witness to; she was instantly labelled a child prodigy whose thinking and recall skills, even at that tender an age, were paralleled by no one.
While her parents had known from an earlier age that Ai was a rather special child, they had no idea just how remarkable her abilities would prove to be. After endless visits to educational psychologists, specialists, clinical counsellors and the like, they were informed quite extensively about the sorts of things to expect from Ai as she grew older and became aware of and more adept at tapping into her mind’s reserves. Everybody was firm with hope and belief that one day, Takahashi Ai would finally be in full control of her giftedness. After all, she’d unofficially become something of a national treasure, an awe-inspiring human asset, and it just wouldn’t do to have one such as her slipping though the fingers of authority. What a shame that would be, for her to drop off the radar when there was still so much to be seen.
And so, over the years, a relentless string of educational doctors and specialists arrived at the Takahashi doorstep in a bid to convince her parents to leave Ai under their care, that they would do it as a favour, to nurture her budding talents.
Amidst all the noise and fuss, it was Ai’s grandfather who showed a brassy stubbornness about not handing her over to the authorities, for fear that they would be interfering and messing with Ai, with the gift that she’d been given. And amidst the same noise and fuss, nobody had noticed how distressed one little girl had become from all the attention. How her eyes would flick nervously from side to side, how she’d fiddle endlessly with the hem of her summer dress, the slight wrinkling of her face at the mention of doctor. Nobody noticed, that was, except her grandfather. Nonetheless, his incessant pleas fell on deaf ears until one day when he resolved to step in physically and make sure his grandchild could not be hauled off to yet another clinic.
It’s for her own good, her father would say, his grip on Ai’s arm tightening along with his determination to get to their next appointment on time. Ai would look up to her Ojii-san, her lips pressed into a thin, trembling line. Those large, fearful eyes, twinkling with the threat of tears; everything about her made her grandfather sick with agitation and all the more vehement about taking a stand for his precious little Ai, who could not voice her own helplessness. Kids her age were spoilt and the usual fare yelled and screamed and threw temper tantrums when things did not go their way. Ai was different. She was quiet, painfully so, and they’d all taken it as a sign of her innate temperament and something that simply could not be helped. Still, her grandfather knew there were things that Ai didn’t like. Seeing the specialists topped this list.
“She’s just a child,” Grandfather Takahashi boomed. “Leave all the tests and probing until when she has the emotional capacity to handle them.”
“If we wait that long, she may never be able to develop to her full potential. Some things just can’t be left unattended. I trust these well-learned people, and I know one of them will be able to take good care of her. You’re not the one who knows what’s best for her,” her father retorted, reaching over to take Ai by the arm again.
The moment Ai stiffened, pulling away from him to cower against her grandfather, it happened.
“Get away from her!”
Ai still clearly remembers the sound of his voice, rumbling like a brewing storm from deep inside him. She was scared. For the first time in her life, truly terrified of everything and everybody around her, even as her usually gentle grandfather ushered her behind him with a guiding arm.
That day, she still ended up sitting across the table from a large white-coated man who had a clipboard in one hand and a continually inking pen in the other.
During the weeks that followed, Grandfather Takahashi would personally come out to greet the obstinate doctors who’d return time and again to their house. It wasn’t any old greeting that he offered; her saviour would punctuate his deceptively warm welcome by turning his head aside and hacking out a wad of spit. That was the last time she saw some of the doctors.
While her mathematical genius was undeniably impressive, there was the one standout ability that had garnered considerable attention from around the nation: Ai’s photographic memory.
In front of live audiences, she replicated through drawing something she had, only in a passing moment, captured with her mind’s eye. Her imagination was more wild and striking than could ever be expressed in mere words, as her subsequent artwork suggested. An 8 year old Ai soon found her work put on public display to the wonder and awe of many around the country. She had even made international headlines; her parents were, to say the least, very pleased with how things had turned out for her.
Behind all the glitz and glamour that had suddenly marked her life and her talents, Ai saw herself in a very different light. To her, these incredible abilities meant something else altogether– for one, that she never forgot a name, nor did she forget any feelings associated with that name. It was why her grudges could last forever, and why she could be just as ceaselessly steadfast with her admiration for someone. It was only one of the many mysterious ways her mind worked; Ai could simply not forget. But despite such an impressive stature of intellect and raw talent, Ai stuttered when talking to people. She was an agonisingly timid child and had never seemed able to shed herself of her shy disposition, even after years and years of social counselling from everybody involved in her life. A wallflower, many called her. It was no secret that she had a lot of trouble making friends and even more difficulty keeping them.
On her 10th birthday, Ai finally found the courage to verbalise the birthday wish she’d kept secret for so many years. She told her parents that she’d had enough, that she hated having to lie under those cave-like scanning machines and hated the fuss of being prodded and examined come every weekend; she didn’t want any of it, nothing, not even the much coveted fame and recognition, the endless choruses of praise that any other child would have basked in. There was something in her voice that must have struck a chord in her parents’ hearts that night. Her triumphant smile and the spring in her step for the rest of the week were worth it to them, her grandfather told her later, petting her proudly.
Time rushed on. For much of the rest of her youth, Ai fortunately managed to stay under the radar. She made it a mission to keep her blossoming talents under wraps, not to wantonly parade them for all to see and gawk at. For she hated the attention; it made her burn behind the ears and the blood whoosh to her head.
Her unblemished report cards came with little visible effort, and this did not go unnoticed. With her academic records pegging her as ‘profoundly gifted’, she was granted the opportunity to skip grades and enter university the moment she turned 12; Ai politely declined. Doing such a thing would only draw attention to herself– instead, she deliberately penned in inaccurate answers on her maths tests, and pretended to forget the trickier facts and figures her class needed to recall for Japanese history (though, of course, everything she learnt in class went straight to her permanent memory storage, never to be misplaced or forgotten). She made mistakes so as to avoid the peculiar glances her way, the somehow unpleasant what-is-up-with-this-perfect-scoring-girl looks that she found so hard to stomach.
When Ai hit fifteen, her family moved from Fukui to Yokohama, Kanagawa. By this age, her delicate features had begun to mature and refine, the softness of her face sharpening, and while her figure remained petite, it was beginning to swell with a womanly flair in all the right places. The boys in class began paying attention, and so did, she noticed worriedly, other, older males (and the odd female too). True to her wallflower image, Ai humoured nobody. She was hard to impress, too easily discouraged, too sceptical, too timid. The measly thought of being with another person in that way made gooseflesh sprint up her arms and down her back, and never in a particularly pleasant way. If there was ever a person who found it hard to connect with others, to fall in love – it was Ai. How ironic, that she could not live up to the name her mother had given her.
It was also around this age that she first began to notice something that had so far managed to escape her eye. It had never been pointed out to her before, nor was it ever amongst the harsh whispers her parents had long ago exchanged behind closed doors. Maybe it had always been quite elusive, or perhaps it was solely a product of her coming of age.
This uncanny talent of persuasion was just that at the beginning– an eerie ability to persuade. Considering that Ai was a bit of a stuttering oaf and was about as charming as a flailing sardine on a chopping board, she was doubtful she could do anything beyond blindly gaining sympathy votes. It was her physical appearance, it just had to be. Her looks had drawn the limelight away from her barely concealed talents, had reeled people in and made them weak for her. It had to be; she just couldn’t see how she could be genuinely convincing in any other way.
Slowly, she began to notice. That when she let off negative vibes (that being almost all of the time), people stayed a long distance away. When she felt calm and content, the same lot of people were copiously drawn to her. At first, she tried to brush off any suspicion of it being related to her giftedness, believing it to be the natural case with anybody; your mood, whether good or bad, would affect the people around you.
One average school day, it finally clicked with Ai. That day, having just found out the previous night that her grandmother had fallen very ill, Ai was feeling bitterly heartbroken. As expected of her, she did not allow such feelings to show on her face or manifest in any other way. Almost instantly after roll call, a loud wail sounded from just beside Ai. All eyes turned to the classmate just beside her, who had for no apparent reason begun to sob uncontrollably. A murmur of sniffling and crying grew around her; even the boy behind her looked just about ready to burst into tears. Ai sat there, frozen, the tears swelling in her throat turning to glue. When taken aside by their home teacher and questioned, all of the students claimed they did not know why they started crying, just that an overwhelming sadness had inexplicably come over them. Ai, who’d been eavesdropping from around the corner, stared wide-eyed as realisation dawned on her. She couldn’t believe it… her feelings… had they been that strong?
It was as she had thought. Ai could markedly affect people with her feelings, her moods.
It was why when after giving off negative vibes to a certain somebody who did not respond as she’d anticipated, that Ai thought she had found somebody in life to take a second look at.
---
O N E M O N T H E A R L I E R
It’s sometime past noon, and lemony sunlight comes slanting into the room past slightly drawn curtains, dust motes dancing in its wake. The gentle caress of afternoon warmth is welcoming; after a morning’s worth of routine homework completion and Professor Nakazawa’s innovative and individually-based instructional meditation, Ai likes to spend her calm (and dreadfully uneventful) Sundays with her nose in a good book.
Reading, books, stories… these things are her escape. From the aching nakedness of reality, certainly, but mostly from the chaos of her own mind. Being mentally gifted may have brought others a sense of elevated standing, of prestige and much wanted admiration, but for Ai, it is a burden.
Legs raised in a criss-cross behind her, Ai is lying on her stomach in the middle of a modestly spaced living room, in front of a blank television, reading a book and listening to music on her iphone, when she feels a sudden weight on the saddle of her back. Startled, she removes her earbuds with a jerk and strains around.
“Ai-chan, don’t move.”
It’s Risa, hands clasped at her stomach and looking up at the ceiling. She raises her head from where it’s rested on Ai’s back for a moment, then drops back down, shifting and snuggling, finding a comfortable fit; it’s all so light, flippant, playful. Ai’s heart skips a beat.
The older girl’s so busy celebrating this sudden show of intimacy from Risa that the implication of her being here takes a moment to sink in, and when it does (thanks in part to a heavy sigh from the bean), it hits her like a wall of bricks.
Risa’s full lips are a shade darker than normal, and dangling black earrings glint through her neatly styled hair. And the whiff of perfume is strong– too strong. It’s unnatural, almost pretentious, and worst of all, it masks the loveliness of Risa’s raw, womanly scent.
Risa had devoted a good hour this morning excitedly prepping herself for a day out with her girlfriend, who she’d been weeping about for a long time now. They’re usually complaints about how the two of them hadn’t had the chance to properly spend time with each other for weeks. She is supposed to be out having fun right now, so why is she here, with Ai, resting so chummily like this on the older girl’s back?
“Gaki-san?”
“Mmm?”
“Y–you… what…here, how? What?”
After the words tumble from her lips, Ai turns her attention back to the book at hand, panicking a little inside. She wavers, quietly debating her next course of action.
Risa gives a chuckle, probably amused once more by Ai’s rather conspicuous habit of word-blundering.
“Reina cancelled.”
Another sigh.
“Something about work demands, I don’t know. We’ve been trying so hard to find a time to meet, but things keep popping up.”
For a moment, Ai’s silent, taking this in. If she recalls correctly (and she has absolutely no problems with recollecting, that’s actually the problem), this isn’t the first time that Reina has cancelled on a get-together with Risa, although last time she’d at least had the courtesy to inform the bean a good while in advance.
“And she couldn’t call you earlier?” Ai asks, frowning. “She waited until your meeting time to let you know she couldn’t make it?”
“Last minute thing, I guess.” Risa doesn’t sound too convinced. “As you know, her boss is a bit of a finicky nutcase and with that prospective job promotion, things aren’t exactly easing up for her…” Risa sighs again. It’s all she’s been doing lately; sighing. That, and the darned thesis she’s been assigned to work on for the last month. It’s due in a few months time, though Risa seems bent on getting it finished a lot earlier just so she can focus on other more important things. Like Reina.
“But let’s not worry about that!” She cheers. “What are you doing here, all cooped up inside on a gorgeous day like this?” Risa whacks Ai on the back, her position not deterring her at all. “And I won’t take a good book as an excuse. Get out there, Ai-chan.”
Her voice then turns soft, solemn. Almost imploring, in a way. It pulls at something inside. “We’re not going to have this conversation again, are we?”
Ai is glad they’re not face to face right now. “Nothing I say now is going to stop you, is it?”
Inwardly, she wants nothing more than to deflect the issue at hand, fearing that she will have to lie there subject to Risa’s chiding for more than she honestly cares to listen to. It isn’t that Ai doesn’t appreciate Risa’s concern, it’s that it’s the same droning few words Ai’s heard one too many times.
“It took me two years to get you to open up to me like this. You’ve got to give other people the same chance. It’s such a pity the world doesn’t know the Ai that I do.”
“No it isn’t,” Ai says quietly. “And I will. Give other people a chance, I mean.”
“And you say that every time, but I’m still waiting for results, you know!”
“I have friends, Gaki-san.” Ai acknowledges that she’s stretching the truth a bit, but if she can get Risa off her back for the time being, she’ll stretch it as she pleases. “My life just doesn’t revolve around them, that’s all.”
Risa blinks. “Is that so?” She lifts herself from Ai and crawls over to position herself shoulder to shoulder with the older girl, where she then lowers herself to the floor, their faces inches apart with just a turn of the head. Risa brushes her hair aside, and a smile blooms across her face. “I’d like to meet them someday.”
Ai returns the smile weakly.
“They better not be make-believe like your last few were.”
Ai lowers her head, sheepishly, gives a nod as rising heat pours into her cheeks at the unsolicited memory of how she’d fabricated a night-out with ‘friends’, just so she could get Risa off her case– and how Risa had later discovered her nestled contentedly in an armchair with an encyclopaedia on lap, at the university library, after an impromptu visit to drop off some books.
Risa pinches Ai’s nose lightly, noticing the way the girl flinches, probably unused to the attention. She then settles down, using her arm as a headrest, closes her eyes, succumbing to the gentle warmth of noon and the lull of sleep. Ai’s gaze remains on the bean for a moment longer. Then, with a hint of a smile, she turns away, back to her book.
About an hour later when Risa wakes up, a little disoriented and pained all over from her less than ideal sleeping position, the first thing she does is asks Ai to recite the whole first page of the novel she is reading. Ai arches a brow at this request (as she does every time Risa finds ways for the older girl to showcase her extraordinary memory talents), but does as Risa pleases. Ai entertains Risa’s childish whims with an amused tolerance she has for nobody but the bean. She hands Risa the novel, who eagerly flips back to the first page to keep check, then clears her throat dramatically. Without missing a beat, Ai spends the next minute recalling aloud the first page of the book from memory, word for word.
Sugoi, sugoi! Risa exclaims, and she’s already riffling through the novel yet again, looking for more things to put Ai’s powers to the test. She asks this and she asks that, senseless questions, hard questions, questions that make the both of them laugh. Sometimes Ai responds without hesitation, other times she needs to have a moment to think, but at all times Risa is glowing, awed.
While Ai may have believed such childish things to be rather bothersome, with Risa, it’s different; with Risa, she relishes every single moment, every word that slips from the younger girl’s lips, the way her expression alters in tirelessly interesting ways, everything that Risa is etches itself clearly and sharply in Ai’s mind, like letters carved neatly into deep frost. When Risa lifts her lashes to regard Ai after asking her a question, the older girl is struck, again and again, by the brilliant coffee of those eyes, eyes so darling, so rich and full of feeling. Through the whole leisurely session of let’s-exhaust-Ai’s-abilities, her throat tightens, and she can’t think straight.
Ai had wanted Risa from the moment she’d laid eyes on her all those years back. And now, in spite of the fact that Risa is most painfully off the markets, she feels her body surge and tremble with unfurling desire, one that starts a hammering in the side of her throat. It’s all she can do to mentally keep herself in check, to remind herself to swallow regularly and not to overheat under the bean’s undivided attention.
“Kyaaa! Ai-chan, that’s amazing!” Risa declares for the nth time, eyes large and hopelessly spellbound. “How in the heavens do you do it? Suuuuugoi.”
After the rapid-fire of questions is over, Risa casually thumbs through the book.
“Is this story good?”
“I haven’t finished it yet.”
“But so far? What do you think of it so far?”
“It’s… it’s pretty good. It’s a philosophical novel, but it’s centred on a couple’s blooming romance.”
Dark brown eyes brighten. “Oh, like a love story?”
“In a way, yes.”
“I’ve always been interested to read something that you’ve read, Ai-chan. You know, just so we can have a common book to talk about. But the books you read always seem so…”
“Boring?” Ai offers.
“…thick,” Risa corrects. “And maybe a little difficult for me to read,” she adds sheepishly.
“What kind of books do you read then?” Ai asks, realising that she hasn’t seen Risa read. At all. Most of the bean’s literary endeavours seem to come in the form of reading and responding to gluttonous text messages from Reina.
“Disn…” her voice falters as her face clenches in realisation. “Well… ehe… I guess Disney novel counterparts don’t really count as proper novels, huh?”
“Oh no, they are novels too. Just different.”
“By different, do you mean pathetically childish?” Risa asks, laughing, and Ai lowers her head with a grin. “But yeah, you can say I’m a bit of a sucker for love stories…”
Silence follows.
“What are you thinking about?”
The question seems to startle Risa from her wandering thoughts, prompting her to shift a little. “…Reina.” She casts her gaze to the floor.
Ai isn’t sure what to say to this. All she knows is that she wants to continue this conversation, she doesn’t want it to end here; and despite her own ill feelings on the topic of girlfriend!Reina, Ai wants to find out more, even if the knowledge and reality of it hurts her.
“I’ve always wondered… what makes you like her so much?” Ai asks, hesitantly.
A pause. “There really isn’t anything I’d like to single out… just that she’s somebody special to me,” Risa replies, a slow, wistful, faraway look gracing her countenance. “I knew Reina was the one before I had even met her.”
Ai wishes she’d never asked.
Later that afternoon, Risa receives an unexpected call from Reina who seems to have an extended lunch break. Risa’s practically whooping for joy as she leaps onto the couch and settles into a cross-legged position, phone pressed to her ear and barely able to refrain from spilling over with heartbreaking excitement.
Ai watches, from behind the kitchen counter, Risa talk on the phone, taking thorough note of the endearing expressions of her face, her wildly animated hand gestures despite the lack of audience. Ai watches, mesmerised, for long, tormenting moments, the bowl of rice in her hands turning cold. Watching the younger girl, she is filled with a familiar sense of awe again, and at the same time, she feels weak with an odd sort of grief, misery that this wonder before her is so far beyond reach.
Nothing and nobody holds her attention as fiercely.
So beautiful, Ai thinks.
Beside Risa, Ai has always believed herself to be something of a broken person… paling in comparison, incomplete. Risa… she’s the one– has always been. Would…would Risa ever look at her?
And then always, as if on cue, as if by some psychic interchange she can sense Ai’s stare, Risa will lift her head, still feverishly chatting away into the receiver of her clamshell, and their eyes lock for but a passing moment. It’s usually Ai who looks away, who swiftly drops her gaze before her cheeks can flame and give her away.
After, a moment of internal struggle. Ai forces her stiff limbs into action, walks away with the intent of hiding in her bedroom, away from the sight of the younger girl’s can’t-erase-this-goofy-smile love. But Risa’s voice is too bright – that beautiful, tugging gravity– as always, drawing her, pinning her to the spot, snipping away at every thread of resistance in her. She leans back against the kitchen wall with an exhale of pent-up breath, and there, out of sight, she closes her eyes. There, she pretends; she fantasises, that she’s the one on the other end of the line. She imagines that she is the lover that Risa is talking to.
“I miss you,” Risa wails.
I miss you too, baby.
“Do you miss me?”
Of course I do. I miss you like hell.
“I miss you more~!”
No, I miss you more… Ai’s lips curve upwards.
“When can I see you again?” That voice, so lovingly gentle, so soft and girly in its conveyance of the question that Ai almost sinks to the ground under weakened, shaky knees.
As soon as everything is settled.
“But we haven’t seen each other in so long…”
I know. Wait for me, just a little longer. I’m doing all this for you.
Her heart swells a little, lost in the moment.
“Reina…”
That is of course, until Risa speaks that name that Ai has become so infinitely discouraged by. Her spirits wilt in an instant as reality greets her again, a jarring punch to the gut. Reminded that she’s just Takahashi Ai, a lonesome plain Jane, a disconnected heart. She can think and she can feel and she can ache all she wants, but no one would ever know– that’s how it’s always been.
-
dibs? @ropy: :mon blblbl:
The human mind is truly, in every sense of the word, a phenomenon.
Beautiful narrative- somehow, it evokes Discovery Science. However, the NatGeo themesong played in my head for some reason.
The moment Ai stiffened, pulling away from him to cower against her grandfather, it happened.
“Get away from her!”
Ai still clearly remembers the sound of his voice, rumbling like a brewing storm from deep inside him. She was scared. For the first time in her life, truly terrified of everything and everybody around her, even as her usually gentle grandfather ushered her behind him with a guiding arm.
I wonder how much of this was Ai, and how much of it was the grandfather?
It wasn’t any old greeting that he offered; her saviour would punctuate his deceptively warm welcome by turning his head aside and hacking out a wad of spit.
Takahashi Jiji RULES IN LIFE. He and I would get along nicely, I think.
If there was ever a person who found it hard to connect with others, to fall in love – it was Ai. How ironic, that she could not live up to the name her mother had given her.
Awww, misnomer. Don't worry Aichan, yours is a special one-person-only kinda Ai.
was about as charming as a flailing sardine on a chopping board
:huhuh the only sardines i know come in a can. with tomato sauce. but i love this. funny.
A little break from the quotes to let you know how incredibly well-written this is. You did not bore- this background drew me into the story even more, it gave just the right amount of information to set the scene, yet intrigue. It helped to put me in Ai's shoes, and then infer on what else could've happened in her life further. Every scene and story progression after this will have me wondering: "Okay, this happened. Ai-chan will react like so. Understandable." or "Wow, I didn't expect her to react this way- I wonder what else happened." and then i go off to ponder more. (this was written after my petulant IM to finish this, so pardon the lack of clarity)
*Risa's straddling Ai.*
Worthier Takagaki fangirls(boys) than I will certainly do my share of squeeing. But it was incredibly sweet.
*Ai Angst*
Ditto above. But bittersweet.
fearing that she will have to lie there subject to Risa’s chiding
due to Risa's squishing
Sideshow!Ai is adorable. And how she patiently accedes to Risa's bidding.
The contrast between their characters, the fact that they have near nothing in common (so far), makes me wonder- what is it that Ai see's in Risa? What made her fall that hard?
It was why when after giving off negative vibes to a certain somebody who did not respond as she’d anticipated, that Ai thought she had found somebody in life to take a second look at.
Certainly not just this.
Come on, we've all been 'tested' by the crazy ex with ludicrous demands, abusive behaviour and unreasonable tantrums to see if we'd run and "leave them just like everyone else". *raises hand* Anyone? Just me? Okay.
So I don't think that the only reason Aichan fell for Risa was just because the bean was a deadzone to Ai's empath-transmitting powers. (Course, we found out earlier that it didn't apply to mind-control secks.)
What was it? Does it still count as love when you 'love' the only person that could stand close to you and not get affected by your powers? Kinda like a marriage of convenience. Would Aichan's attraction and love for Risa still stand after she finds that Risa wasn't all that immune? When Risa becomes a mindless drone of a plaything? Will that love withstand the guilt and angst, post-defilement? You always run from people you feel guilty around.
Some mighty complex emotions and concerns you have to deal with here, Bee. And I am certain you will not disappoint. I take my self-grandiosing statement back- my modesty is only second to yours: this was a great chapter, what were you whining about? *smacks Bee's hand*
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My reply to your reply on my reply:
I really like that you like the way I think.
Well, at lot has happened since you made that comment, and right now I can HARDLY call myself your sempai...
Yes! You still are! For I fear you, in the biblical sense. :bow:
Additional notes:
You and ropynyanko should totally get married. Cute.
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BEE I LOVE YOU :wub:
AND GRAC YOU ARE EVIL EVIL EVIIIIIIIIL :on speedy:
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GAH BEE IM SO HAPPY YOU"VE GOT A NEW CHAPPY~!!! *glomps u and squeals*
this is like absolutely perfect! so sont you ever doubt your writing! i understood, and felt everything that was going on>.< i felt bed for ai when she was little and i know those feelings 1st hand^^; (well the being quiet and by yourself feelings) and just when she found risa was was all squealing like the happiest person ever, only to be all sadness near the end with ai's little fantasy in her head while hearing risa talk to reina on the phone :( poor thing.
i cant wait to read more about this~ X3 i hope you can post up the next chapter soon~ >3<(and this length is lovely btw X3*is happy*)
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O_O
...
...
*spazzes and rolls around on the floor*
After such a long wait there is an update!! :bow: That surprised me, but made me really happy and excited that I jumped around a little in my seat. lol
Man, this chapter is long! @.@ I'm surprised I managed to sit through it all in one day. Usually I have to read things like this in parts because it's too long and I easily get bored. XD Damn attention span is so short! I forced myself to read through it though and carefully too.
I'm not good with comments, so I don't know what to say about this chapter other than that it's very well written! Ah man, I wish I can write like that. Every sentences ties up very well and I like the wording to this chapter. It made me like the fic and chapter even more~! :love:
I was kind of hoping that this chapter would have a steamy scene, but I'll take the angst chapter any time! lol I like my angst too much. ^^;
I feel bad for Ai. She should just steal Risa from Reina cuz I never did like TanaGaki too much and TakaGaki wins over that pairing anytime! XD
I like the friendship Ai and Risa have here. I can picture it clearly. I think what I also like about this chapter is that it seems to be in character, at least to me. And well, that's a very hard thing to do, or at least for me it's really hard. >_<
I look forward to another chapter soon! ^____^ :heart:
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You know, I was just wondering whether I should come and give this thread a good
kickbump, imagine my pleasant surprise when I saw this update. Finally, we get some backstory on Ai, a lot more than I was expecting. Is her relationship with her grandfather going to be important later on or is it just supposed to give more depth to her childhood?
Will we get some back story on Tanagaki?(which I love, btw, too bad Ai's going to be naughty later. Wait, not 'too bad', what am I saying? I'm a Takagaki fan first and foremost.)
Will we get a PERV soon?? XD
Don't take too long to update the next chapter, now. I wanna see Ai exert her mind control on the bean! :D
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Well this chapter came out of no-where didn't it..... :w00t:
Hmm, there's many dangerous undertones to what Ai may well be capable of, with her mood/mind control thing, especially with her grandfather, was it becuase of her that he reacted like he did, and also why her parents acted like they did with her 10th birthday wish.... and of course about what happened in the prolouge between Ai and Gaki :panic:
Seems as though Ai almost has an inferiority complex of a sort because of how, well, un-inferior she is, that she is so scared of her powers affecting other people that she hides away on her own, i.e. perhaps her greatest strength is also the source of her greatest weakness?
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ehh? what is it? an update? :shocked
..............
......................
.............................. really? :w00t: *spazz for moments like a fangirl*
ahem..okay, onto the story..
Secret Admirer Chap 1
“Compared to what we should be, we are only half alive. We are making use of only a small part of our mind power. Deep down inside of us are vast powers we know nothing of and never use.”
my teacher was saying something kind of similar to that long time ago. the moment i read that line, my teacher's face just pop up >_<
but, that's kind of true, if a teacher said so, it must be true, teacher wont lie, will they?
The human mind is truly, in every sense of the word, a phenomenon.
It’s mysterious in its workings, capable of so much more than first meets the eye
i thought that it's amazing, the power of human mind. and, the space of it that we have used for usual activity, like remembering names, phone number, or study... is only a little of the huge part of the mind itself.
and it's funny that people like to depend on computer while human mind is actually more powerful than a computer..we just havent discovered how to use it to its fullest.
Takahashi Ai, at a mere five years old, was discovered by her teachers to possess similar exceptional cognitive abilities.
....
she was instantly labelled a child prodigy
...
a relentless string of educational doctors and specialists arrived at the Takahashi doorstep in a bid to convince her parents to leave Ai under their care
...
It’s for her own good, her father would say
...
An 8 year old Ai soon found her work put on public display to the wonder and awe of many around the country. She had even made international headlines; her parents were, to say the least, very pleased with how things had turned out for her.
isnt it human nature to feel curious bout unnatural things? and it's human nature to labeled and judge something.
when something is unnatural, they will find out bout it more, at some point being proud of it and exposed it as much as they could be, and if they thought that it's too great, will try to make it normal.
the things her parents did showed it all, they want their child to be as great as she could be, probably feeling proud because their child is gifted.
but, what's the use for it? even if they said that it's for her own good, in the end, isnt it being done just for their own good?
“She’s just a child,”
grandfather-san is wise :nod:
much more wiser than the parents....i like grandfather-san :yep:
To her, these incredible abilities meant something else altogether– for one, that she never forgot a name, nor did she forget any feelings associated with that name. It was why her grudges could last forever, and why she could be just as ceaselessly steadfast with her admiration for someone.
i dont want such ability..*shakes head continuously* i dont want to always remember bout the grudge and hate that i have toward something, that's tiring.
Ai...i think...also dont want such ability.. :(
It was no secret that she had a lot of trouble making friends and even more difficulty keeping them.
the side-effect when you're always told and that you are different from others and treated 'specially'
no kids want to spend their time being examined at lab every week like that, being watched like some kind of object...
On her 10th birthday, Ai finally found the courage to verbalise the birthday wish she’d kept secret for so many years.
woah, finally she found the courage >_<
i feel relieved at this point :lol:
Considering that Ai was a bit of a stuttering oaf and was about as charming as a flailing sardine on a chopping board, she was doubtful she could do anything beyond blindly gaining sympathy votes.
i lol'ed there :lol: what a comparison
All eyes turned to the classmate just beside her, who had for no apparent reason begun to sob uncontrollably. A murmur of sniffling and crying grew around her; even the boy behind her looked just about ready to burst into tears.
and i laugh again. :lol:
it must be awkward when your classmates who just laugh a moment ago, suddenly cries like that..ah, ai's face must be funny at that time, considering that she's frozen on spot the moment it happened >_<
It was why when after giving off negative vibes to a certain somebody who did not respond as she’d anticipated, that Ai thought she had found somebody in life to take a second look at.
i am waiting when will she make an appearance, and then she appear and i am like, 'yay, finally' and feel relieved :lol:
i'm weird..^^;
ah...and...maybe the words,'you are created in this world because there's somebody who's already waiting to be found by you somewhere' could be applied to the certain somebody and ai's situation.
because that person is waiting, no matter what is it, you will feel like you are clicked with that person...that you found something special bout that person.
Reading, books, stories… these things are her escape. From the aching nakedness of reality, certainly, but mostly from the chaos of her own mind. Being mentally gifted may have brought others a sense of elevated standing, of prestige and much wanted admiration, but for Ai, it is a burden.
reading books, stories, and such are fun. i like those things because they are a perfect escape when i just want to leave the reality for a moment.
“Something about work demands, I don’t know. We’ve been trying so hard to find a time to meet, but things keep popping up.”
my childish side said something like,'reina is drifting apart from you, gaki-san. she isnt the one for you, go...find someone else, the one that's being used as your pillow *wiggle eyebrows at gaki-san*'
“They better not be make-believe like your last few were.”
the moment gaki-san found the truth that ai was lying bout her friends, who happened to be some encyclopedia, if i am allowed to imagine, that moment must be funny >_<
how awkward is it to be found that you're lying when you are happily spending times, reading. :lol:
While Ai may have believed such childish things to be rather bothersome, with Risa, it’s different;
it is different caused you are falling for her, ai.... i mean..when you are falling for someone, whatever that they did that you find it annoying when it's done by other person, if that special person is the one that did it, we wouldnt find it as a bother.
“Boring?” Ai offers.
ai is so negative :lol:
“I knew Reina was the one before I had even met her.”
nah, are you sure bout that, gaki-san...?
There, she pretends; she fantasises, that she’s the one on the other end of the line.
.......
“Reina…”
that was sad >,<
imagining that you are the one that's filling your loved one's heart and feel happy because of it, but the moment you realized that it isnt you...
you are only pretending...only imagining...that's really sad...and hurting at the same time...
reality is harsh..
after reading :
what's bad about this chapter? it is not bad >_<
i like the writing style, bee-san has a unique way of describing a situation..one of the example are this, 'as charming as a flailing sardine on a chopping board' and this, 'But Risa’s voice is too bright – that beautiful, tugging gravity– as always, drawing her, pinning her to the spot, snipping away at every thread of resistance in her.'
that's just felt so true..the way you portray ai's feeling.
it is good, bee-san and sankyuu for the update :)
and the reply :
Hey, did you just totally waste your first post on this thread???!! :shocked
... :lol:
Yay, thank you! :k-inlove: I hope it was the story that brought you out from lurking, although I haven't seen you around lately. But please come back and continue to be active with your reading and fangirling! :wub:
I saw some of your posts in the KameShige thread, you're a lovely and dedicated fan, I'm sure we'd all love to see more of you. You should start your own thread too, as I saw you had some great poems posted there that would do some good here too. :)
no, that was not a waste ^^. at least i think that it wasnt...well..except if you think that it's a waste ^^;;
yeap, it's the story that made me dropped here, thanks for your story ^_^
ah, some things are coming up so i cant visit this place till those things are cleared up ^^;
eh, really? those poems are good? gyah, sankyuu~... :shy1:
:lol:
Well ropychan did explain it to you, but that's so cute. xD
You needed to understand that before you realised what was going on in the prologue though, so I hope you still understood... :grin:
eh? what's cute bout that? :nervous
i think i understand....well...yeah, i think i understand..
Yep, I could tell right away you were a big KameShige fan. That's awesome - we so need more of them around here!!!! :bow:
Thank you for taking your time to write about your feelings for them, I really appreciate it and agree with what you said.
KameShige are the best of friends, and as you can see from all the DVDs and behind the scenes, they are crazy about each other XD Even if we won't be seeing much of them anymore, I have hope that they will continue to be together forever. :tama-lotsaluv:
yep, i hope the same, they have such a bond...i just hope that they will continue to cherish each other like they used to do even though they're rarely meet now ^^
Bee-san? :lol: kawaiii... *pats Shiroi*
Awwwww~ you're too cute. I'm glad to have found a fan in you. :love: Thank you for your encouragement!
wah, i feel really embarrassed, what's kawaii in there? :shy1:
and until the next update, i will wait patiently again.
bee-san ganbare~ ^o^/
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“I’ve always wondered… what makes you like her so much?” Ai asks, hesitantly.
This question, I guess is never easy to answer.
It always baffles me how someone like Ai would find herself plain. And yes, if only the one she likes would look her way, if only that smile was solely for her...if only...if only.... *sigh*
Another wonderful chapter as always. You are such a talented writer. I'll be impatiently waiting for more :)
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If there was an AiEri story written by you I would probably die of happiness xD
but yeah I was ... wait... I'm stil really exited about this pretty much because is you hehe . So you could write KameShige or worst GakiKame and I will still read it :P
Now about the 1st chapter... well, that was just amazing. Everything about it was great.
The fist lines totally got me.
Ai's past, finally we know something, she's been through so much. Been gifted isn't easy and yeah parents doesn't always knows best. I'm glad her grandfather was there for her.
It seems like Risa doesn't realize about Ai's feelings and I doubted a little her relationship with Reina but seems they will manage to save it (glad for that ^^) I wonder what Ai will do about it and also now i'm staring to have doubts about Ai's feelings, I mean, she clearly wants Risa and probably Ai is really in love but do what she's doing.... I don't know, well maybe I'm just imagine things or taking it the wrong way, let's see.
The friendship between Ai and Risa is really sweet (damn! you made me admit that >.>) I really like how you project that, well not only that, the whole story. Your writing is really good. Made it so easy to picture everything, the emotion, environment, feelings, anyway you're really good.
So now, when's the next chapter? xD (asking because I read this back when it was fresh new but until now I comment LOL)
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o________________o
Okay, so. Another two months. :sweatdrop:
The only thing that comforts me is the fact that I'm going at Kame speeds (because of course, I love my Eri). BLLLLAAAAHHHHHSS. It really takes me forever to write sometimes... it's not so much writer's block. Just being distracted in general. :roll: Anyway, I'm planning to update BY THE END OF THE MONTH, NO EXCUSES. And the update after that will be a lot quicker, as I already have about half of it written. I'm now in the middle of editing chapter 2.
Am sorry for absence from JPH!P in general. :kneelbow: I have close to a million comments now to write up, the same amount of fics to catch up with generally, but will start doing that AFTER I've finished with this particular update. >_____<
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Comment replies! Will try to keep this within sane word limit.
@grac: Where's my On Call fixes gone ;___________;
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I've already told you that you are awesome (on more than one occasion, I think :nervous). I like how you attended to Takahashi Jiji here. =) I'd say her grandfather acted upon Ai's feelings. Half/half. Thank you for picking up on that. Nobody had a clue about her powers back then, as an super-empath-transmitting-anti-hero (which I now officially deem her. Thank you again. XD). I melted reading your reassurance to Ai over her iffiness about being a misnomer. :wub: And as you can see, I don't know anything about fish. :lol: *Bee doesn't eat them or care* Awwwww... thank you for your kind words. :heart: You will be getting more 'information' in this coming chapter. Hope this doesn't bore you either. What is it that Ai sees in Risa? I guess you'll be finding out soon enough. =P
LOL. Poor grac, who's had her fair share of crazy exes. *hugs* Yep. I like your questions. I'll have to make sure I sufficiently answer them :)
Mighty complex emotions are scary, because I'm a simple girl who's had a simple life and my most complex emotions run like... you're cute, I like you. I'm tired, let's take some time off. Oh, you have a girlfriend now, I'm sad. So... I've kinda had to challenge myself here. :bleed eyes: Oh, and was I whining? :lol: gomen... and thank you though, for putting up with it, I guess. I have a weird habit of seeing everything I put out there as half-baked, unless I spend a thousand hours editing it again and again, which I didn't quite get done at that (frantic) point. grac fears my fangirling wrath, is what I think. Lol. And am working on getting married with ropychan. :bow: thanks for the comment grac, and thank you for the support. :bow: daisuki :heart:
@ropychan: ROPYCHAN I LOVE YOU TOO :wub:
And again, don't push yourself too hard. :heart:
@waiwai: Awwww, thank you. :wub: *Bee will try hard not to doubt writing* I'm glad this got you a little worked up, at least. ^_^ I haven't even gotten the ball rolling yet. Sorry about that, but once... chapter 4? Comes rolling by, things will become more interesting. *pat pat* glad you could relate, 'coz you know some of those lonely experiences were my own as well. :nervous I really didn't start having friends until grade 3.
Ummm... is this soon enough? :lol: and you thought the chapter length was lovely? Yay! Thank you for comment! :cow: Hope you enjoy the next chapter too. :thumbsup
@junkie-chan: XD Hahahaaa... that reaction. So cute. And sorry. Makes me feel even worse for taking so long to update, lol. But I'm happy you're still interested despite this being TakaGaki. :D And it was really that long? Ow. You know, you don't have to read the whole thing in one sitting. Feel free to take a bathroom break in between, or go do some drawings or something. xD Awww, thank you. :heart: I'm working on being less wordy though, it took me too long to get things across, I think. But I've been writing since the end of primary school, as a hobby. I've had plenty of practice. :P Steamy scene. Hmmmm. A bit early, don't you think? XD
LOL. You know, it would be really easy just to write Ai stealing Risa away like that. But. The story would end there, and I wouldn't have all this angst to write. :lol:
I've definitely tried to keep some of their real life qualities the same here, but I can't keep them totally in character. You'll see. >___<
Thank you for the comment. :love: (I still owe you some comments too, watch out for them! xD).
@rndy: Oh, you were following this?? :? ahhh well. It's rndy. YAY. :love: I'm sorry for the long wait for both updates, but I'll really make an effort in the future. Once I have all this boring stuff out of the way, it'll be a lot easier to write. Takahashi Jiji? You'll find out more about him in this coming chapter. I guess if I were to answer your question, it's a little of both. =)
:lol: rndy and her Tanagaki, hey. You won't get any back story about these two. Because a) this is mostly from Ai's third person perspective, and Ai doesn't know b) it's important I don't reveal too much about Tanagaki until later. You will find out why. xD AND YES. DON'T FORGET YOU'RE PRO-TAKAGAKI FIRST AND FOREMOST. :tama-mad:
No perv until I've finished writing about how it all happened in the first place. xD Sorry? ^^;
Sorry about long wait and thank you for reading and commenting! :love:
@oddball: Lol... yeah, it did come out of nowhere. After lots of prodding from grac and ropychan. :sweatdrop: you read and comment so often though, I'm surprised you can keep up with it all :thumbsup oh, you picked up on them both. The grandfather incident as well as the birthday incident. Well done. *cheers* :P yes, dangerous Ai-chan. :w00t:
Her inferiority complex is in part due to her being so gifted, but it stems more so from natural inhibition. She's just a really shy, introverted kind of person. You'll find out more about this as we go, but I'm happy to see thinking about all this. ^__^ "perhaps her greatest strength is also the source of her greatest weakness?" - bingo. :grin:
Thank you for reading and commenting! :heart: :yep:
@hanachan: *Bee smells new KameShige fic on the horizon* :grin:
I said 24 hours out of pure excitement, but sorry it's taken a whole lot longer. :lol: Thanks for commenting though! I've already told you that you're a great commenter and I really appreciate the effort you put in. It's so cute when you relate stuff back to your own life and experiences :wub: yeah, I think we use somewhere between 10-15% of our mind's potential. A really low percentage like that. Sucky. ;___; awwww. Yeah. While I was writing about her parents putting Ai on public display, I was reminded of my own parents who'd always get me and my siblings out in front of their friends and announce how we'd made it into selective schools, and then how they'd relish in the praise. Although they do care about us and how well we do in life, a lot of it is to do with outer appearances. I know too many friends who've suffered because of proud parents. :cry: I like grandfather-san too. :D yes. Such an ability is generally seen as a gift, but nobody knows that Ai has to deal with all the negative consequences too.
'you are created in this world because there's somebody who's already waiting to be found by you somewhere' - that is too cute. :inlove: :lol: and so are your thoughts! I know, right? Gaki-san needs to see she has pillow-Ai-chan and that's all she needs. >___> lol, encyclopedia-friends. The thought is funny, though when I wrote about it, it wasn't supposed to be. xD haiii, truly embarrassing for her to be caught with her books. Hehe, negative Ai-chan. In real life, she does seem to doubt herself too; I'm sure you remember her talking to Gaki-san about how boring she was, how she wanted to be more interesting. So I took that and exaggerated it. ;______; yeah, reality really is harsh. Especially for somebody who has no self-confidence. Thank you for all the detailed responses - I feel like I'm getting the right emotions across. :k-wink:
I never did say that I thought it was bad! Lol... I might have been complaining a little. But hey, I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for all the kind words, I really did spend quite a bit of time thinking about how I could convey all the feelings properly, and I'm happy it got through to you. :)
I have a feeling it was that KameShige one-shot that brought you out actually :P but I'm pleased it did. hanachan is awesome. :love: :heart: please continue to spread your awesomeness throughout the fanfic forum!
@lil_hamz: It's you! :shocked: <--- yeah, extremely adequate emoticon. Your dropping by and your comment was quite unexpected. Made me happy. :heart:
Well, we all know that Ai-chan has quite a few reservations about herself, right? Even though she's like as near perfect as any of us can get. But the plain is more in terms of personality/character than looks, if that's what you happened to be referring to. :nervous Mmmm... you'll be getting a lot more of that angst when the rest of the story comes around. >___<
Thank you heapsly! :heart: it's really reassuring to hear that! It's a bit too much to think of me as talented though, I'm really just competent; I realise all my limitations s a writer. But thank you. :cry: I hope you haven't forgotten this story, or become too impatient ^^;... next update coming very soon. Thanks for reading and commenting. :thumbsup
I have plenty to catch up with your fics too <3
@steph:: I will make sure you die from happiness one day then. I already have ideas brewing. :grin:
Awwwwww. *huggles* And what did you mean with the KameShige thing?! :scolding: ... *Bee calms down*
Anyhow, nice comment, really did encompass the chapter. Thank you! :heart: yeah, Ai's had it tough. Not only because she's gifted, but because it's in her nature to be afraid of people, and afraid of connecting with them. ;____; Well... of course, putting somebody under mind control to have your way, no matter how much you love them, is immoral. Ai is now going to have to face all the guilt from her actions.
Hehe.... sweet, did you say? I'm not sure when the last time was when you called anything sweet, besides AiEri. :wub: I feel strangely accomplished! :love: thank you, I really do put in a lot of effort with the writing. I'm glad it's gotten across to you. ^^
Next chapter will be soon. Before April, for sure. :twothumbs :heart: thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment!
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Okay. Was that sane? :huhuh
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wedge. :P
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Wedge~!
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wedge times 3~!!!!! :deco:
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^ lol.
Thanks for the wedges, guys! >______> *Bee thinks longingly of sour cream*
Okay. Here it is. But before that:
For everybody who has forgotten what the heck this story is about:
Prologue:
- Secret admirer letter.
- Risa wakes up feeling like she had a wet dream (hanachan learnt something here! :grin:)
- Ai's internal anguish revealed over her ability to mind control, and what had happened that night. We can assume she did naughty things to Risa and then wiped the bean's memories. Tsk tsk.
- Cue Ai angst.
Chapter 1:
- A History: Takahashi Ai. Fully talented. Fully shy. Crazy memory, cannot forget. Can seemingly affect people with her mood. Poor thing. Grandfather :heart:
- Reina cancels on Risa, Risa comes home to reading!Ai-chan, Ai-chan’s heart flutters, as it always does with her Gaki-san. Takagaki friendship, yay.
- Angsty!Ai-chan. Because Risa hearts Reina. And Ai can’t have her. Must resort to imagination, but even that is no good.
- Ai-chan angsts some more.
In case anybody gets confused, the ONE MONTH EARLIER part is meant to depict what happened a month prior to the events in the prologue (the mind control). After I finish writing up the events that lead up to that pivotal moment, the story will continue normally, without the need to reference time like that.
Hope you guys enjoy. :heart:
(http://img229.imageshack.us/img229/8462/secretadmirer.png)
Chapter Two
Things left unsaid are as telling as those articulated – Niigaki Risa had always believed in these words. They were the same words her mother had once imparted her with, when she was a fair bit younger and could not understand why her friends didn’t explicitly return the I love yous she gave them without pause. Though such wisdom had been passed on to her in a much simpler, child-friendly version, the meaning of the words had been clear, revelatory. Even now, as a full-grown adult, those words remained a crystallised message in the back of her mind, whispering to her when she doubted, soothing her inner turmoils whenever they burned. Being the people person that she was, Risa found it more than handy to keep such a motto close to heart.
It was peculiar, for two individuals so unalike to cross paths; and even more curious, that they would stop in their forward tracks to examine the other, to take a closer look.
“This is Ai-chan, my older sister. She’s two years ahead of us, she’s fifteen.”
Ai did not turn around to greet them, curiously preoccupied with something on the table in front of her. She only lowered her head a little so that her hair swept down in a curtain, covering most of whatever they could see of her face. Her lips were pursed – that was what Risa remembered most vividly about Ai in the beginning; the lowered head, the curtain of hair and the pursed lips. Always, that same painfully tentative combination.
Their new friend from Fukui, Takahashi Nanami, looked troubled at the lack of response (and manners, she later complained) from her older sister. A flicker of displeasure crossed her face, before she turned back to the three of them, jabbing a thumb in Ai’s direction. “Don’t worry about her. She’s always been… like that.”
Like that.
Risa wasn’t completely sure she knew what Nana-chan meant by like that, but she was convinced it had something to do with the sore lack of social finesse on the older girl’s part, the almost black, don’t-look-at-me vibes radiating from her cowered being. Konkon and Mako-chan showed little interest in Ai, and rightly so, for she was nothing but unfriendly and boring.
But for the life of her, Risa just couldn’t figure out why she couldn’t stop looking.
For the many days and weeks that followed, the bean’s increasingly frequent visits to Nana-chan’s house only ever afforded her a view of the back of the girl’s head, lush dark locks spilling down her back. When Risa asked about Ai, Nana-chan would bristle, as if offended by the very subject of her sister.
After a particularly stubborn barrage of questions concerning the mysterious older sister, Risa finally saw Nana-chan give in. “She’s a genius freak. Genius freaks don’t talk to other people. I think we’re too dumb for them to be bothered,” she explained gruffly.
“Genius freak?” Risa’s curiosity was instantly piqued. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. Like, she was all over the news when she was younger. She has this crazy memory where she can’t forget anything. And she’s a super maths brainiac.”
“Really?” Risa stole a glance at Ai, who was dawdling by the kitchen counter behind the much grander figure of her father. “Wow.”
Perhaps the bean had spent a little too long looking over at Ai in awestruck silence, as Nana-chan cleared her throat loudly and carried on undeterred – she then took the time just to describe in painstaking detail how Ai had no friends, how her older sister had never ever had one. That at their old schools, she’d always seen Ai wandering around by herself during breaks, and that their mother was appropriately worried. Risa noted, however, that she was hardly any more horrified by the knowledge of Ai’s friendlessness than she was by the way Nana-chan’s voice bloated with satisfaction in revealing all this about her sister.
Risa watched Ai. Over the following months, she watched her – not too carefully, afraid the others might pick up on it, but just enough to satisfy the inquisitiveness that swelled whenever she found herself within twenty feet of the older Takahashi daughter. The girl was always a breathless bundle of nerves, stiff, awkward. It may have been an indication to the other girls to stay away from her, Risa didn’t know. Not surprisingly, Nanami and their friends never paid Ai any attention. They kept their distance, in fact, as if she reeked of something unpleasant. And whatever little Risa managed to catch from her was the usual humdrum: no, yes, when’s dinner?, I’m going to do homework. It didn’t take long for the bean to become glaringly conscious of the essays and books that spilled from her own lips, while Ai, on the other hand, seemed perfectly content to use the bare minimum of words needed to communicate.
Risa wondered. And wondered. She spent too much time wondering, those few months. Behind that soundlessly beautiful mask, just how many thoughts flitted to and fro, how many emotions blossomed and rioted?
It was a simple thing to a simple girl.
Find out.
* * *
Since the move to Yokohama, Ai hadn’t seen her grandfather in three months. Three whole months. Prior to her family’s decision to relocate, the idea alone would’ve been ludicrous. But it had happened and the weeks inevitably crawled by. It was the first time in her life she had been apart from her Jiji, and the lack of his presence was heartbreakingly tangible – Ai spent many nights of her first grandfatherless month just lying in her sheets and listening to her heart, every once and a while pulling out a photograph to stare at it. Not that she needed to – every line and wrinkle of his gentle face had already been engraved true-to-life in her mind, just like every other damned face she’d ever come across. She looked at this photo though, just because the feel of it in her hands made it that little bit easier.
Nobody else in her family seemed to be as conflicted with the move, especially not Nanami, who looked remarkably cheerful for somebody who not too long ago had been dragged kicking and crying away from their old school. She, of course, had adjusted and made friends quickly enough. And their parents now had minus two bodies (grandfather and grandmother) to serve, so they were whisking about with a touch more verve, if their raised chins and freely swinging arms were any indication. But Ai. This move did nothing for Ai. Well, to be precise, it did do something. It took her away from the only person in her life who understood… at least, her grandfather was the only person who tried to understand her. Though the separation wasn’t as intolerable as she had imagined it to be during the few distressing nights before the move, it was hardly easy.
Oh my talented little Ai. With her grandmother, it was always the same few words. She was loud and proud when it came to Ai, and there was never a ‘bonding’ moment between the two that didn’t involve a lot of needless cooing and painful squeezing of the cheeks. Beyond that, Grandmother never seemed to see much of anything else when she looked at Ai.
The 15-year-old found something else entirely that bound her together with her grandfather – some deeper language held in common, perhaps. He was quiet. He was quiet, yes, which he’d done well to pass onto her in horrifying abundance. But he was also unwaveringly firm, and that was just one of the many traits of his she wished she had inherited instead. Jiji never asked her any unnecessary questions, nor did he prod her about things like so many others in her life were prone to doing. He never lectured her about the need to expand her social networks, and was never bent on bringing her out in front of rows of adult friends to brag about at every given opportunity. The two of them shared many of their moments just in silent companionship, and, for that, Ai couldn’t be more grateful. He was all the calm and reassurances of her life, the one person who, even if she was without talent or ability, would love her all the same.
After about a dozen or so unheeded requests to return to Fukui to visit her grandparents on her own, Ai arrived home from school one day to find that her parents had secretly sent for them. The more than welcome sight of her grandfather’s smiling face and outstretched arms by the front door had immediately sent her into a well of emotion, one that lasted for the rest of the week. They had come to Yokohama for a two-week stay. Ai was happy happy.
Now that the second week was drawing to a close, Ai clung to her grandfather every possible moment. The two of them were sitting outside in the garden, simply enjoying the afternoon warmth. It wasn’t long before a certain ‘bean’ had come bounding out, the same ‘bean’ Ai had heard Nanami mention several times before, that ‘bean’ that Ai herself had caught on more than one occasion sparing a glance her way. This bean spotted them from across the yard, her face lighting up, plump with a rosiness that could be seen a street or two away.
There was nothing awkward or rehearsed about her vivacity; she was spontaneous, every little bit of her, Ai felt it right away. As she had suspected – Niigaki Risa was devastatingly charming and sociable, like a ray of sunshine, much too bright for her to look at directly.
Listening to the girl talk with Grandfather was fascinating, albeit painful. How could this person, still so young and inexperienced with life, and who had never met her grandfather before… be able to converse so easily? She felt herself shrinking away from the sparkle of those eyes, that voice, the expressive lows and highs of it, like a melody. Something solid sank inside her as she watched the two chatter away, a bond forming right before her eyes, and no matter how much Ai wanted to open her mouth to join in, her lips were sewn shut – this girl before her confirmed every one of her own weaknesses, everything she hated about herself. There was just no comparison to be made. Ai was simply inadequate.
Midway through the exchange and about the same time that Ai was on the verge of zoning out, she came back to her senses only to realise with a start that she was alone. With Risa. In a moment of blind panic, Ai whipped her head to a side, catching sight of her grandfather’s back as the screen door closed behind him.
A jarring throng of alarm bells and flashing lights went off in her head, screeching for her to get up and get away. This was unfamiliar terrain, and everything instinctive in her screamed for her to avoid this, avoid this at all costs. She pushed off the chair, ready to make a mad dash after the old man who had left her to battle on her own, when a voice rang out.
“Takahashi Ai-san!”
Ai froze.
“It’s okay,” she said, a hint of caution in her voice. “Your grandfather just went inside to get us some drinks. He’ll be back soon.”
Ai knew right away what she meant, recognised the unvoiced suggestion for her to stay put. To talk. If there weren’t so many ice cubes slipping down her stomach, she may have been able to mumble some excuse to leave. But she couldn’t, and she didn’t, and as her veins ran with ice water, she slowly lowered herself back down.
Risa was looking at her, on the other end of the bench. Curiously quiet, and Ai, who had never felt more cornered than she did in that moment, was seized by another impulse to tear herself from scene. She wasn’t ready for this.
This can’t be good. Can’t be good. Can’t be good.
After an appeasing lungful of air, Ai decided she needed to turn to radical means to save herself – she needed to up her defences. Ignoring her heart rattling in her ribcage, she centered all her mental energies on thoughts of the bad and the ugly. She dredged up everything negative in her before quickly blanketing her mind and her aura with its stench. Emitting these discouraging vibes should do the trick to drive the bean away; if it drove everybody else away, she had every right to feel confident it would do the same to this one little girl.
Ai then boldly met Risa’s eyes, holding the gaze as steadily as she could. Soon enough, for a fleeting moment, the younger girl looked like she’d just been hit by something. She frowned and crinkled her nose, as though she were having a whiff of something particularly nasty.
But she didn’t leave. Ai had expected her to, but she didn’t – she stood her ground resolutely. Steadied herself. Upon seeing the smile that lit up her face the next instant, the older girl, stupefied, dropped her guard.
Risa shuffled a little closer.
* * *
The months flew by. They had become acquaintances after that precious afternoon, then tentative friends. Not full-fledged friends in the way Ai knew friends should be – the laughing, and the gossiping, and the sharing of all things dear and secret. While Risa continued to charge head-first into the delicately growing friendship, Ai tip-toed around it. The practice of making friends was entirely foreign to her, and she still spent too much of their time together stuttering and shying away from Risa.
Nonetheless, the younger girl was a boundless spring of patience. In the beginning, she’d talk and talk, even when Ai solidly refused to look at her or respond. The constant social output was good though; the nearly blinding friendliness she extended toward Ai, it drew her out, little by little.
They never did exchange personal contact details, happy just to see each other in snatches during the sleepovers Nanami so often conducted. Sometimes, when Konkon, Mako-chan and Nanami were busy spewing oceans of girl talk amongst themselves, Risa would take the chance to sneak out her friend’s room and visit Ai down in the lounge, or the garden, where they liked to hang around. Sometimes, during their ‘meetings’ and usually when Risa had run out of steam (or run out of words, period), she would look at Ai for a long time, silent, and Ai looked back. It was an inspection of sorts, with Risa raptly taking in Ai’s countenance, registering in her mind something unique, something about the older girl that must have intrigued her so.
Ai would never know if Risa had sensed the same – that, even though they got along quite cosily, there was often a startling tension between them, thick and disquieting. And just when she felt that there was something going on that the bean would sooner or later feel obliged to act upon, Risa would shatter the illusion with noisy questions about boy crushes and trendy haircuts. Ai’s smile shrank a little.
When things got busy and Nanami began to mingle with other friends in other classes, Ai didn’t get to see much of the bean anymore. Disheartened and singed by the uncertainty of what she’d really meant to Risa, the older girl fell into a deep restlessness. She was unable to think, read, write or concentrate on anything for very long; Risa was a constant raid on her every thought and action. All self-restraint had gone awry and for the first time in her life, Ai didn’t have to make a conscious effort to lose marks at school. That thought alone was scary.
The only occasions for contact were when they bumped shoulders in the school corridors. Upon spotting Ai passing by, Risa would make a desperate pounce at her, jostling past tides of arms and elbows just to pull her aside for some intense catching up. It happened about twice a month, more if Ai was lucky. Each stumble upon happened so fast, so surreal, and the older girl was always left shaking her burning head afterwards, having been rendered dumb by Risa’s nearness, Risa’s touch, Risa’s beautiful, brown eyes on her.
This is for you.
It was honestly the last thing Ai had expected that one average afternoon – the bean springing a surprise on her as she was busily cramming a locker-full of texts into her bag, ready for home.
It was a gift; wrapped up neatly in pretty, yellow paper, crowned by a white bow. Ai could only stare back wide-eyed as she took the gift into her hands.
Eh? Nani, nani nani?
It’s your birthday today, isn’t it? I managed to catch up with Nana-chan several days ago, and she told me.
Ai cried. It was the first time she’d received something from somebody beyond her immediate family, and the realisation of that, coupled with Risa’s kindness, were all too much.
Happy birthday, Ai-chan!
That year, Ai made a lot of progress with her sister too.
The time apart was bruising. Ai had no doubt that for the bean, time had wearied the intensity of those afternoons spent together – the average person could only carry dulling memories with them, memories that eroded with the passage of time and the onset of new, more exciting phases in life; but for Ai, who was no average person, Risa’s voice still whispered unceasingly, in her ear. She kept hearing her, hearing her, and then came the last year of highschool.
They hadn’t talked in two years.
They still bumped shoulders in school corridors, but Risa’s attention was always fixed elsewhere. At first, it was her rowdy friends who had her engaged, and then Ai began to notice how an increasingly thick stack of books and papers weighed down those arms. And the bean’s stride now, urgent.
Time had rushed on in the endless noon of her adolescence, and it seemed that before Ai’d turn around twice, graduation day was staring her in the face. She’d already run from some few hundred opportunities to approach Risa, and the gloomy prospect of losing that chance forever, of never seeing her again, loomed before Ai, a dreadful, beastly thing.
Ai knew she had to act fast, but the mere thought of confessing sent her into a dithering mess. She just hadn’t a clue what to do, swamped by indecision and her torturous lack of confidence – it was all so… terrifying.
What if Risa had completely forgotten about her? What if she didn’t even like girls that way? What if all Ai was doing was setting herself up for a humiliation so deep, it would leave scars? She’d never be able to recover from a rejection, not when it came from somebody as important as Risa. She scoured her mind for a good while, thinking what to do. How she’d confess.
And that’s when it came to her. That’s when she began to write.
---
O N E M O N T H E A R L I E R
“Do you want the good news or bad news first?”
A hundred and one stray thoughts fly through her mind all at once, so quick and chaotically that she feels the beginnings of a headache come on; worst case scenarios (I’m sorry, I’ve reported you to law enforcement. We’ve had to upgrade you from super-empath to uncontrollable mutant) and whatever could possibly be deemed good news (The good news is: Gaki-san likes mutants!). Shaking out of her momentary lapse, Ai draws in a deep, calming breath, tightens the hands in her lap into fists. She’s determined to get through the next hour without having to play out all sorts of weird in her head. Iida sensei, after all, doesn’t know much. About Gaki-san, that is.
Her sensei’s lips are set in a grim line, those intense eyes fixed on Ai, on her face, probably wanting very much to assess her on an emotional level as with anything else. There has always been a quiet war waging between the two of them. Ai, on the one hand, stubbornly setting up all the security measures, Iida, on the other, mulishly plowing through every one of her patient’s meticulously constructed defences. The both of them know it – Ai has been intent on keeping as silent about herself as she possibly can during these one-on-one sessions with the renowned clinical psychologist.
But since her first meeting with her sensei almost three years ago, Ai feels as though Iida has gradually and resolutely managed to crush every fence and fortification raised before her. The only thing protecting her now is a flimsy shield held up in front of her, and it hardly helps that she’s holding it with a trembling hand. It has taken three long years, but now, finally, sensei’s face is only a few inches from hers, and this shield, this last piece of resistance, can be laughingly knocked away with a measly swipe of the hand.
Ai stares back at Iida sensei in petrified silence.
“Ai-chan?”
Ai snaps out of her stupor, dips her head sharply in apology. “Please tell me the news however you want.”
After a moment’s hesitation, the psychologist nods.
Marooned amid a splatter of overturned books, Iida sensei has no doubt been busy consulting texts in order to compile and refine the notes that have been made about her patient. She has a clipboard in hand but today, she is not only going to be taking notes, she will be reading off them too. Today, Ai’s three-year long case study is finally coming to an end, finally being recorded down on paper in permanent marker.
“I know that you’ve been withholding quite a lot from me in the past years, but I understand that. It’s not like we haven’t made any progress, right?”
“Yes.”
“What should’ve been a one-year case study – two years tops – has stretched on for this long because of our consideration for your individual needs.”
Ai’s head dips again. “And I am really grateful for your patience with me, Iida sensei. You, and Yasuda sensei and Nakazawa sensei, all of you, for teaming up to help me.”
“Ahhh, it’s my pleasure. It’s not every day that I get to take on a case like this,” Iida says amiably. “You’re not quite like anybody else we’ve worked with, Ai-chan. And let’s not forget Yuuchan. I’m sure she has appreciated you coming to us most – as you probably know by now, she thinks worlds of your cuteness.”
“I noticed,” Ai says, a smile finding its way onto her lips. It’s hard not to smile at the memory of a flipping out Nakazawa. Ai doesn’t even really have to do much to earn such rambling praise from the older woman, whose unbridled fawning over her is amusing even to her normally level-headed colleagues.
“But I do hope we’ve done enough,” Iida continues. “Because it always feels like… if only you had opened up just a little more, we would have been able to do more for you.” She thins her lips and sighs over the hushed din of distant traffic.
Subconsciously, Ai clenches her fists again. “The truth is,” she begins, noticing how this breathes life into Iida sensei’s face, as it does every time Ai initiates talk about herself. “I’ve never truly been… comfortable. With anybody.” A pause. “Well, actually… my grandfather. He’s the only one.” Ai’s gaze shifts elsewhere and her lips part. She looks ready to say something further but promptly bites down on her lower lip.
Iida’s face softens, and she smiles. A long, dawdling kind of smile, slightly veiled, secretive. “There’s another name on your lips, isn’t there?”
Ai visibly falters, the gears turning in her head but her throat’s dry and she can’t cough anything up. With nowhere to turn, Ai does what she’s always done best – she withdraws. As soon as Iida senses this, the older woman reaches across the little space between them on the couch and places a hand on Ai’s arm. The gesture is firm yet infinitely gentle in intention, and stills her almost immediately.
Ai smooths back her hair, her throat suddenly tight with emotion. She draws in a breath. “And... and also, Gaki-san.”
“Gaki-san?” Iida sensei looks up from her notes, a brow raised in question. “Ahhh, the roommate you’ve mentioned a few times before? Your… friend? That friend?”
Suddenly, Ai feels like an insect pinned under a magnifying glass, but she pushes down the bubbling anxiety, pushes and pushes, and she gives a curt nod – it’s hardly the time for wavering. She needs to talk, she needs to talk now. She owes herself this much, she figures; she had forced herself to sit on Iida sensei’s sofa, quivering, for the first time years ago. An emotional mess, nothing short of it. But she’d taken that much feared (and needed) step in the right direction, finally reached out to somebody, and though she hadn’t exactly been the most open and cooperative in the following time, Ai wants to end off on a positive note. She needs it.
Ai has talked about Risa a few times before, and the bean is probably the only mentioned ‘friend’ she has ever talked about. But what she has so skilfully managed to avoid saying: that Gaki-san has wended her way into every corner of Ai’s life – she’s the words on the pages of a novel, the ticking second hand of a clock, the pills that cling doggedly to her sweater no matter how long she spends picking at them. Though she has never dared to allude to such things, whenever Ai mentions Risa there’s a sudden spark in Iida sensei’s eyes, a knowing kind of look that stings the younger girl with embarrassment.
A dainty laugh falls from the psychologist’s lips, her head dropping a little.
Ai licks her lips.
“I remember you’ve told me before. Isolation is something that you revel in, isn’t it, Ai-chan?”
“I don’t think ‘revel’ is the right word,” Ai says, tilting her head to a side in emphatic thoughtfulness. “But when I’m away from others… when I’m alone, I can breathe more easily. Inside… everything isn’t so hectic? And I’m not as tense. It’s, you know, it’s just I don’t have anything to worry about when I’m by myself.”
“Aha. Well, you’ve known for a while now that you’ve been classed a high level empath, although you do show quite a lot that deviates from the standard criteria,” Iida says, handing Ai some papers containing charts and diagrams followed by what looks like blocks of analysis. It’s everything that’s been chronicled about her. Ai frowns upon seeing this, internally berating herself for being such a complicated being. Iida flips through a few pages. “And yes, it’s true, your brilliant memory only strengthens all your abilities as an empath.”
Ai looks down to the page in front of her, looks at all the evidence, her brain scans, her graphed performances under controlled conditions, her petty answers to soul-searching questions.
E m p a t h.
So many waking hours and restless nights she’s stared at this word on paper, rolled the term around in her head and off her tongue to get a good taste, see if she could squeeze all of herself into it. It could be too tight a classification, or a little too loose… she needed to check that it was just the right fit. But it’s all they have to rationalise her situation, her condition – as if an overload of empathy were some kind of disease – and since the term isn’t formally recognised by any branch of science, it’s fortunate for Ai that Iida sensei has no qualms about dealing with the metaphysical – in fact, the professor appears utterly fascinated by it and remains on a constant agenda to track down cases like Ai’s to take on.
“Empath,” Ai says, sampling the word aloud for the first time in a long time.
“Yes. We’ve been through this several times before,” Iida sensei says patiently. “Empaths are people who have the astonishing ability to sense others on many different levels. They are extremely sensitive souls and are able to–”
“But I’m not so sure that I am one,” Ai interjects. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot. An empath should be able to feel others, right? But I don’t. I mean, maybe when I was younger… but now… well, now I’m nothing like that. I can’t feel others anymore, I don’t know what they’re thinking and I can’t sense what they’re feeling either. Maybe you have it all wrong.”
“That’s why we’ve had to elevate you to ‘high level’ empath status. You are different from a normal empath.”
“How many have you come across in your studies?”
“None. You’re the first,” Iida sensei says. She hears Ai blow out a breath. “But I’ve done my research; I’ve read up on a few cases in other parts of the world. I know what I’m doing here.”
Ai fiddles a little, there’s a crease of worry between her brows. “Why am I still an empath though? I don’t fit the criteria anymore if I can’t feel anybody. And if I really am one… what makes me so different?”
“That’s a lot more questions than usual,” Iida says, eyes crinkling with laughter. “I’m glad you’re finally taking more initiative.”
Ai’s self-conscious all over again and there it is, the sudden urge to withdraw her questions, to just glue her lips together, take the handout, listen and nod.
“At first, we thought it was simply a case of you being a natural introvert and developing social anxiety as a result. But there seems to be a lot more to your situation than just that. Even after establishing that you were an empath, I still had a lot to discuss with Yuko and Kei. Now, this is something that’s not quite founded on hard evidence, but rather thanks to many of the things you have cared to divulge. We came up with an explanation for you, a while ago.”
Ai doesn’t recall ever hearing about this.
“Let’s see.”
---
Initially, I was going to have Kaori explain. But the chapter got too long. =____= And don’t keep your hopes up too high, the explanation isn’t even that interesting (just some BS I made up on the spot xD). But you know what’s interesting? Empaths. Go look them up! o.o
Next chapter will start off with more history (picking up from what happened to TakaGaki after highschool), then continue with the ONE MONTH EARLIER deal to allow for empath explanation and keep things moving until the mind control night.
And I was just thinking. The character that I’ve given Ai-chan in this story is the kind of character I would love to punch in the face in any other kind of story (I have a pretty low tolerance for emo kids in fiction, sorry x___x). But how could I ever manhandle such a face. And I figured if I was going to write angst, I ought to go all out. This kind of Ai has angst rolling off her in carpets. I love. <3 So please bear with her, for now. <3
And, this will get better. Promise. :heart:
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OMG WHEN.....
*runs to be first*
:cow: :cow: :cow: :cow: :cow: :cow:
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Wow :shocked Ai-chan really is something, eh? Nice chapter, love the way how you express Ai's feelings! Though I got little lost with the time lines :nervous
Anyway, I liked it very much :yep:
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I think Ai has plenty of reasons to be emo :lol:
So, we get some more Takagaki history and then Ai, who never forgets, of course she'd fall in love with Risa. Her first friend, the first to ever approach her, show an interest in her as a person. Also, it's no wonder Reina got to her first. So she becomes Risa's secret admirer.
Then a little, too little, bit of insight on the doctor's visits.
Yuko XD
I thought the last bit was too short, plot wise, though, so hurry up and give us moar! :grin:
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Hmm, It's intresting , Ai almost seems to be both afraid and intreagued by Gaki at the same time, that in some ways she wants to rncourage Gaki to be closer whist at the same time pushing her away.
She knows what Gaki is to her, she can literally not forget and we know that maybe Ai had feelings for her at an early stage, but even though she wanted to we see Ai not activly seeking Gaki out, so perhaps it is no surprise that Reina and Gaki got together first....
Ai as an empath, An intresting theory as she is the one that is shutting herself if from the word and being alone, somone an empath might pick up true feelings from when others haven't but then Ai is special, I feel as though she may be able to manipulate these thoughts to greater things, like her gradfathers desire to protect her was enchanced by Ai changing his fellings (or something like that)
You also get the irony that of course, when Ai herself is a empath, what she perhaps really needs is for an empath to look into her mind a see how she truley feels....
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:panic: how could u end on that bee?!?!?!?!
ah~ i really loved the whole chapter including the whole takagaki blossoming of friendship/ai-chan's huge infauation with gaki. it was pretty sweet. yet again i could feel like everything that ai-chan was feeling....girl you write so well! :twothumbs
i also had to lol at the catch-up XD short and to the point!
now.....
BRING US NEXT CHAPPY OR ELSE!.....pweez? i'll make u stuff(once i get my laptopback) and draw you takagaki pics if you do~ oh! and maybe write...but laptop must come back from dell 1st XD :deco:
lol my bribery sucks huh?
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To kickstart this new season of updates and my return to life, I bring you... well, greetings, I guess. I tried to find something worthy to bring you, but came up with nil.
[half and hour of googling later]
No... I looked again and couldn't find anything, not even crack (unless this monologue intro counts as). Ah, I shall update both my threads in penitence.
[goes to write Character Study]
Not quite the best study, but it'll do. Let's try finishing On Call now.
[glances at clock- 5:30am]
Seems pretty impossible. You'll just have to make do with me rambling idiotically in response to your fic now. It's far too late for sanity. Too bad.
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Firstly, there could not be a brilliant-er foil than Risa for Ai, the protagonist. The contrast is fantastic.
Things left unsaid are as telling as those articulated
You see, if my mama told me that, in a child-friendly way or no- I don't think I would've turned out as well-adjusted and as open and friendly as Gaki-san. Somehow, I probably would've grown up to be an over-thinking emo- wait...
...and could not understand why her friends didn’t explicitly return the I love yous she gave them without pause
I find this adorable. Was Bee-rinko an affectionate child? Or not. Maybe its all that mutual loving you and ropynyan heap on each other, of which somehow requires my acquiescence.
But for the life of her, Risa just couldn’t figure out why she couldn’t stop looking.
Frankie Valli - Can't take my eyes off you (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzpWKAGvGdA
#)
Aaand, back to the story.
Okay, seriously though, I actually like Nana-chan- a very interesting plot device. Will we get to see a little more of her later? It feels like her mild contempt for Ai is a weak reflection of Ai's own teenaged angst and self-loathing.
It may have been an indication to the other girls to stay away from her, Risa didn’t know. Not surprisingly, Nanami and their friends never paid Ai any attention. They kept their distance, in fact, as if she reeked of something unpleasant.
Nice subtle touch there.
It didn’t take long for the bean to become glaringly conscious of the essays and books that spilled from her own lips
I lol'ed at this. Imagining Risa-chan, MM subleader- having essays and books spilling from her lips. That would be in the context of quantity and not quality, correct? Oh, Chan Pon Chan...
Your portrayal of Ai in the second scene was wonderful. The way you managed to describe her vulnerability was perfect- the way you weaved it into the story was not too clinical, not too angst-ridden. You manage to evoke just the right amounts of empathy from the reader, I understand exactly what Ai was going through without even needing to have gone through it myself. This flashback teenaged Ai has her emotions and responses laid bare here, and when I contrast it with the post-ravager Ai in the prologue, it worries me to realize how little I know of her in your story's present timeline. How did this somewhat open book, with simple feelings go from here to there?
Ai knew she had to act fast, but the mere thought of confessing sent her into a dithering mess. She just hadn’t a clue what to do, swamped by indecision and her torturous lack of confidence – it was all so… terrifying.
What if Risa had completely forgotten about her? What if she didn’t even like girls that way? What if all Ai was doing was setting herself up for a humiliation so deep, it would leave scars? She’d never be able to recover from a rejection, not when it came from somebody as important as Risa. She scoured her mind for a good while, thinking what to do. How she’d confess.
And that’s when it came to her. That’s when she began to write.
(Sorry, large block quoting.) Could it be that the very thing that Ai loved to obsession, then became her undoing? Risa is like 'too much of a good thing' here- being the catalyst that allowed Ai to open up, and subsequently ending up as the reactant in this whole mess.
And here grac's obsession with research and terminology provides us definitions, just so we are on the same page:-
- Catalyst: "A substance... that modifies and increases the rate of a reaction without being consumed in the process"
- Reactant: "substance that is consumed in the course of a chemical reaction"
I’m sorry, I’ve reported you to law enforcement. We’ve had to upgrade you from super-empath to uncontrollable mutant
:lol: someone call Professor X!
OG as labrats!
Hot! Nakahashi? Just perfect! I rewatched all the HPNews clips I had in celebration of this.
the pills that cling doggedly to her sweater no matter how long she spends picking at them
Don't bother picking. Just shave 'em off.
Okay, before I descend into more insanity and do the rest of the chapter a disservice, you're right- an explanation wasn't necessary, but you've somehow managed to get all the pertinent information across in the Iida/Takahashi interaction here, which also gave more clues to Ai's psyche.
Great update. Thank you for this. I will keep up my end of the bargain soon, but please accept my character stud(ies) as a placebo in the meantime. Sorry if I was too irreverent above, but you know me. :P
See you when I see you- I've missed you too.
-
I have been all kinds of busy (and lazy, and easily distracted... :roll: ) and now I owe you comments for the last two chapters. Aaaaah, bad, bad Ropy. Hopefully, that ends here and now. Take a seat, because this is going to be long. Let's begin ranting and fangirling!
:cow: :cow: :cow: :cow: :cow: :cow: :cow: :cow: :cow:
Chapter One
SO AI ONLY WROTE ONE LOVE LETTER.
That was the first thing I thought when I started reading, since there wasn't another letter there. So I will asume that I'm right and I'll try to stop obsessing about it until you give me more information about it, of course. You know I love speculating about that letter
To tell the truth, I wasn't expecting that much background for Ai. But WOW. For some reason you are convinced the background is boring and slow. You are soo wrong. Aside from making me want to hug badly that little stressed Ai-chan , it made me understand her ANGST ;_; a lot more :heart: And actually to know a lot more about her special abilites, how they work and how they affected her personality and stuff. So awesome and detailed and interesting and I love it :wub: And her grandpa, oh my god, I love that old man. I want a grandfather like that ;_; Even if some of his reactions were half influenced by Ai, he's still awesome. Because, come on:
During the weeks that followed, Grandfather Takahashi would personally come out to greet the obstinate doctors who’d return time and again to their house. It wasn’t any old greeting that he offered; her saviour would punctuate his deceptively warm welcome by turning his head aside and hacking out a wad of spit. That was the last time she saw some of the doctors.
Grandfather Takahashi = HERO :yossi:
And sorry for starting with the quote spam so soon, but here we go:
Her triumphant smile and the spring in her step for the rest of the week were worth it to them, her grandfather told her later, petting her proudly.
This was so cute, to imagine little Ai-chan like that :heart: And then, when grandpa petted her, the cuteness factor rised even more. Really, I went all AWWWWW here :heart: Cute, cute, I like.
The boys in class began paying attention, and so did, she noticed worriedly, other, older males (and the odd female too).
:rofl: :rofl:
This made me laugh. 'The odd female too' she says :lol: I don't know why but I can't help laughing everytime I read that.
It was why when after giving off negative vibes to a certain somebody who did not respond as she’d anticipated, that Ai thought she had found somebody in life to take a second look at.
And when she took that second look she discovered how beautiful and kind and perfect and everything Risa was. Takagaki love is in the aiiir ~ :deco: *chants*
Talking about Takagaki love... the one month earlier scene was :mon lovelaff: but at the same time so :mon cry: Yes, I use emotis because there is no word to express my mix of joy and uber sadness :cry:
I'm liking more and more this Aichan. This poor, angsty child with her deep one-sided love ;_; I just wanna hug her and tell her everything is going to be okay *conveniently forgetting about the abuse/mind controlling <__<*. I loved the fluffy part of this scene. I couldn't stop squealing (and since I was home alone, I could squeal to my heart content XD ) and Awww-ing. Risa sighing in Ai's back and Ai being so nervous, incapable of asking Risa a coherent question. Word fumbling Ai is soooooo cute.
It’s Risa, hands clasped at her stomach and looking up at the ceiling. She raises her head from where it’s rested on Ai’s back for a moment, then drops back down, shifting and snuggling, finding a comfortable fit; it’s all so light, flippant, playful. Ai’s heart skips a beat.
Really, how cute is that? I'm repeating myself but I don't care ,so here: AWWWWWWW :mon inluv:
I love the fact Risa is always trying to make Ai a more social person, even if she doesn't really wants to :lol: In my most non-social times I fabricated some goings-out too just to stay in my house and read, or just to relax alone a little, so that anecdote amused me too much.
*huggles Antisocial Ai-chan*
Risa pinches Ai’s nose lightly, noticing the way the girl flinches, probably unused to the attention. She then settles down, using her arm as a headrest, closes her eyes, succumbing to the gentle warmth of noon and the lull of sleep. Ai’s gaze remains on the bean for a moment longer. Then, with a hint of a smile, she turns away, back to her book.
:mon inluv: It's so fluffy I'm gonna dieeee ~ :mon inluv:
Cuteness ovearload . REALLY. I mean, how come that nothing is really happening but you make it so sweet and fluffy and cute and Takagaki and omg. You, dangerous person, you always made me ship those two even harder, and I thought that wasn't possible :heart: And I better stop with those Takagaki quotes and move on or I'll never finish... because Ai doing as the bean pleases, reading from memory just to entertain her while Risa is all "YAAAAAAAAY AWESOME" is too cute too. And the books talk too, that disney part is so adorable, and Risa is so skdflnssdfskdfjsn :heart: , just wanting to have some common things to talk with Ai. Quoting material everywhere I tell you!
But after so much happiness... the drama comes. I hate you and love you equally for that scene XD Nah, the love part will always be bigger and you know it :heart: But it really affected me. And it still does, everytime I reread it :bleed eyes: It's your fault for expressing Ai's pain so well. It breaks me little by little when I'm reading it ;_; Gosh, you always know the exact amount of angsty drama to use for leaving me emotionally dead. I love those little details, like the bowl of rice turning cold, it makes the situation even more angsty. The worse (and the best) is that this is only the beggining of the drama. There 's so much angst to come, I know it. And I will suffer and enjoy it :heart:
Beside Risa, Ai has always believed herself to be something of a broken person… paling in comparison, incomplete. Risa… she’s the one– has always been. Would…would Risa ever look at her?
This fic is going to kill me, seriously :cry: And I must be a little of a masochist, because I would love to die with this.
But the next part, with Ai imagining she's talking to Risa... that was heartwrenching. Ai should have known better, that situation was clearly going to end badly. But even knowing that myself, I died a little inside too when Risa says Reina's name and poof! All the ilusion is gone, leaving only sadness ;_; The worse part of allowing oneself to daydream like that is when the reality suddenly hits you and force you to return to the real wolrd ;_; It's much more painful that way. SDKFSJNFDL MY POOR AI-CHAN :mon waterworks:
Oh, by the way, I love the way you play with the timeline. You know, mixing the past with present, with almost-present and all that XD I personally love reading things write that way when they are done properly. And yes, you are doing it more than properly, you don't even need to ask .
And this... minor speculation time!
“I knew Reina was the one before I had even met her.”
Does this means she is famous or something? Or that Risa just saw her somewhere without actually meeting her? Love at first sight and all that? And what is Reina working at anyway? I keep wondering about that. We only know she's busy as hell or just a dirty liar so... what is it? I only know she's no doctor :lol: If I had to guess I would say she is still in entertainment business. For nothing in particular, I guess I have that image of Reina in my mind.
And what will happen when Reina is near Ai? Will super Ai empath powers push her away or what? I want a epic Reina vs Ai somewhere in this fic, I seriously need it in my life. I told you many times now but I'm looking forward to see more of this Reina of yours :heart: Usually I'll just want to keep her out of the takagaki way, but this time I'm really interested in what is going to happen. I don't even know why, I was pretty indifferent to Tanagaki until now lol. Now my opinion of Tanagaki is in your hands XD No worries though, I will always support Takagaki <3
Before I rant about the second chapter I have to point out something. That summary of the prologue and the first chapter... :rofl:
Please, please, keep doing that in the future. I laughed so much with that. I know it's supposed to be more informative than funny but... :rofl: Bee remarks are the best!
Chapter Two
Risa point of view, I LOVE IT! Do it more! Please? :heart:
Like grac said, the contrast beetween their points of view (Risa and Ai) is awesome. It's interesting to see how different they are, they act or think. But how they have some common ground anyway :heart:
Backgrounds are getting more and more interesting with each chapter. It's so conflicting to want to know about what happened and what is going to happen at the same time. I'm always looking forward to both of them equally excited.
...and could not understand why her friends didn’t explicitly return the I love yous she gave them without pause
My life :cry:
I totally understand little Risa feelings, I had those too when I was little XD But I still keep blurting out 'I love you' to my friends anyway. Probably Bee is one of the few person who return my suddens I love you without being annoyed or rolling her eyes. Bee is nice :heart: And of course, grac, we'll always need your approval for that. It's feel better that way (?) :lol:
Awwww, but Risa is so cute, and innocent and everything :heart: Sooo adorable! Really. Stealing glances to look at Ai-chan? Non-stop interrogating Nana-chan? Wondering and wondering about Ai? How come she didn't fall for her and end up with Reina later? She's the one who was interested in Ai in first place <__< Maybe not in that way at first but... it could totally have gone there.
Talking about Ai's sister... She seems like a potential dangerous character. I don't know, I'm sure she can explode anyday and make poor Ai-chan life even more miserable. It sure has to be hard to life with someone who dislike you so much when you can actually feel that even more accurately that anyone because you have yaay-amazing-empath powers. Oh, and I approve Mako and KonKon cameo here! It's nice to see those girls here too <3
Back to Ai vision, Ai missing grandpa is Awwwww too. I said it up there, but I'll say again. I love him ;_; I love the relationship between both of them. He can understand Ai so well, without actually talking too much. I can imagine Ai being all clingy in her own way when he went to visit her. Cuute. And her relation with her grandmother... lol I guess a lot of us have that kind of relationship. No matter how many years pass, grandmothers always act like that XD
The first real Takagaki interactions was sooooo fangirlable. I actually had to stop reading and fangirl. Inner squealing and all that, you know me :lol: And this, this, so much cuteness from the Risa.
This bean spotted them from across the yard, her face lighting up, plump with a rosiness that could be seen a street or two away.
Aw :lol:
Again, your skills to write Ai's feelings during this whole scene left me speechless. It's not exaggerated, not too much, it's the perfect way to explain, to describe it and make the reader feel what Ai was feeling :heart: It's amazing. And I would have love to see Ai's face when she discovered no matter how hard she tried she couldn't push away Risa. Poor nervous and cornered Ai-chan XD
If there weren’t so many ice cubes slipping down her stomach, she may have been able to mumble some excuse to leave. But she couldn’t, and she didn’t, and as her veins ran with ice water, she slowly lowered herself back down.
I loved this part way too much. Just pointing it out :heart:
And then, more takagaki cuteness. The kind of cuteness that made you sigh and wish for a forever happy ending :cry: I still don't know if I want a happy or sad ending though. I'm not sure if I will able to decide on that someday. So many conflicted feelings with this fic...
Ai would never know if Risa had sensed the same – that, even though they got along quite cosily, there was often a startling tension between them, thick and disquieting. And just when she felt that there was something going on that the bean would sooner or later feel obliged to act upon, Risa would shatter the illusion with noisy questions about boy crushes and trendy haircuts. Ai’s smile shrank a little.
Oh my one-sided takagaki :cry:
Was Risa really oblivious to all this? Or just did that on purpose because she wanted to stay oblivious to it? For some reason both things seems possible XD Whatever the case, she never noticed anything? Really? In all that time? Not even with the love-letter? Okay, it was anonymous,but at least it made her more conscious about the people around her, right? I mean, if she wanted to find out who sent it. And when she started going out with Reina and stuff? Or fangirling Reina? I'm sure she fangirled Reina before they started going out XD Surely Ai couldn't pretend to be happy about all this... or can she? I feel like speculating a lot again.I NEED MORE BACKGROUND STORY :panic:
Each stumble upon happened so fast, so surreal, and the older girl was always left shaking her burning head afterwards, having been rendered dumb by Risa’s nearness, Risa’s touch, Risa’s beautiful, brown eyes on her.
I looove this. Those casually halls meetings are so :heart: Poor Ai-chan, always waiting for it, but never really prepared for it when it happened. I can picture Ai perfectly in that situation and awwwww! Aww too for birthday gift scene! I love the way Ai loses her composture when Risa does something she doesn't expect her to do. Cuute. I want to know what it was! Surely Ai still treasures it :heart:
That year, Ai made a lot of progress with her sister too.
Oh? :O Really? Interesting...
They hadn’t talked in two years.
:shocked :shocked :shocked
AND SUDDENLY THIS. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS. YOU ARE EVIL.
I understand Risa was busier, but but... two years! You should stop hanging with grac so much, you know? She's rubbing her not caring evilness into you :lol: I love you and your evilness anyway grac. No, really, this shocked me. Luckily I know they are roomies later, so I can be at ease. But this only makes me question more what exactly happened. Because that love-letter seems to be the trigger of what is going to happen. That damn letter, I can't help but obsses about it XD
I'm wondering again if that's really the only letter she wrote. ARGH. And... somehow Risa knew it was Ai? I don't know what to think about it. I mean, why then she got closer to Ai again if is not for that letter? But at the same time I don't think she knows. But then again, what happened that make them become closer again. Oh god, I don't know anymore.
WHAT HAPPENED THEREEEEEE :banghead:
Better move on before I start with the crazy theories :lol:
It's interesting that there are so many things happening one month earlier before the day in the prologue. I mean, it could have been two months earlier for example :lol: What I'm trying to say is that alll those things are related and was what made Ai start to think about what she finally did in the prologue. Maybe? But I said no more speculation for now, lol . MOVING ON ~
(The good news is: Gaki-san likes mutants!)
:rofl: :rofl:
I told you already, but this made me laugh out loud. And my mom looked suspiciously at me! :lol: The line before about mutants made me want to chuckle but with this one I couldn't stop it anymore. The way Ai's mind works is too funny sometimes.
KAORIIINN :heart: You know, I think I was waiting the whole time for her to made a pun, even if I knew she isn't like that here XD Blame grac >__> But I'm so happy that she's the one helping Ai-chan along with Kemeko and great Nakazawa Yuko :heart: I approve Yuko fawning over Ai-chan anytime. I want to see it! I want to see the three of them in action! OG love, yaaay!
I adore Kaorin here too :heart: How she treats Ai-chan, how she KNOWS about Risa :lol: That little talk was amusing, even if Ai-chan was stressing herself out. I must be an evil person too, because I enjoy reading Ai so defensive about that subject. The fact you know how to write it perfectly helps too. Aww <3 Overall this conversation let us (and Ai herself) know a lot more about her powers, it's pretty interesting . I remember I began reading this thinking 'Yay I still have a lot to read ' but suddenly it wasn't that much :lol: That means I enjoyed it a lot, so I guess it's not that bad... And empaths! Empaths are so interesting too. I have been researching as welll :heart: I cannot wait to see what will happen. Gosh, I love this fic. This plot. This everything.
*dies in happiness*
OH, BUT...
I won't forgive you for ending that chapter there. Evil cliffhanger is evil. Because I was all happiness and inner squeals and then suddenly there was no more to read. No matter how hard I tried to scroll down, no more words appeared. And I was left traumatized and in great sadness. Well, maybe it was something a little less dramatic. You saw my reaction anyway XD It's not like the explanation is all that neccesary, because you can understand from the talk but... but it's still interesting and I wanted more!
Even if I already told you countless times but I'll tell you again because you use to forget it easily (please read it with the proper dramatic pauses):
:cow: THIS. IS. AWESOME. :cow:
At first I thought this fic wasn't going to be very complicated plot-wise. You know, loads of angst, mind controlling, sex, more angsty drama, and yaaay!
Yes, there was drama and there was angst but then there was too that love letter that made me over paranoid, and then there were backgrounds (epic backgrounds with epic family members) for the characters, and it was no longer only mind controlling, because Ai was a super empath and that is awesome, and everything was fantastically written and I was like 'Oh my god, this is far better from whatever I could have imagined, I want to no know what is going to happen, what happened, what is happening, I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING AND I WANT TO KNOW IT NOW SKDFNSLKFDSNLFDN' :panic:
And now I don't know anymore, I just want to kidnap you and convince you to spoil me everything (and I know you wouuuuld!) because there are so many things I want to know and so many things that could happen. But that would be bad, because this fic is too good to do that. So I'll wait :banghead: Just know that little spoilers are allowed and appreciated >_>
ANYWAY.
What I was trying to say before I got sidetracked is that I love this fic, and I love the fact that is YOU who is writing it. Because if it wasn't Bee, I'm sure this story wouldn't be as amazing as actually is. Because aside from being the reader who everyone would like to have, you are an awesome writer too. Your writing skills are awesome Bee, it will never cease to impress me ;_; So please keep being like this forever :heart:
And... I guess I'll tell you. I wasn't struggling with the comment. I was struggling with a drawing. Sorry for not telling. It was supposed to be a surprise, but... meh. It's taking me longer than expected. I didn't want to comment without it, but I was starting to feel bad for make you think I was having problems with the actual comment. So yeah, expect a random fanart, if I'm able to do it properly, and expect a bad random fanart if I'm not able to do it properly XD I swear to god I'm starting to hate criss-crossed legs
sadknfasdaskfd I love you Bee! I will be eagerly waiting for the next chapter~ :mon inluv:
-
Ah….the long awaited update >______<
cant wait to read it O__O
And lol for you to smell the KameShige fic :lol: how could you smell such things? Lol
Chapter Two
Things left unsaid are as telling as those articulated
That was um…..kind of positives. But, I think, it is difficult to think like that. Ah, but, that’s me lol. I am not that positive after all.
It was peculiar, for two individuals so unalike to cross paths; and even more curious, that they would stop in their forward tracks to examine the other, to take a closer look.
Ah, that was like opposites attract… usually people tend to take an interest in others that’s different from them. Because they are admiring what they thought they aren’t having.
Always, that same painfully tentative combination
For some reason I thought, because Ai was like that, it will just make people become more and more curious to get to know her better. At least, I thought, the more the other person was signaling some kind of wall, I will tend to try to peek from the wall and eventually try to enter it. But, for some reasons…I think I know what Ai’s felt at that time. Hiding her face and tried to be as invisible as she could so that she wont be hurt.
“Don’t worry about her. She’s always been… like that.”
Takahashi Nanami-san was kind of rude for saying those things about her sister. Then again, there could be some reason about why she’s saying things like that.
But for the life of her, Risa just couldn’t figure out why she couldn’t stop looking.
Nah, maybe that’s mutual attraction, Gaki-san. ;)
Risa noted, however, that she was hardly any more horrified by the knowledge of Ai’s friendlessness than she was by the way Nana-chan’s voice bloated with satisfaction in revealing all this about her sister.
I wonder…maybe, Nanami-san was kind of jealous bout Ai’s gift..or she may be kind of lonely because her sister didn’t treat her like how an older sister usually treat their little sister. Satisfaction….. but, at her age, I think it is common if she thought like that. She wasn’t mature yet after all. It will be good if someday their relationship is getting warmer.
It didn’t take long for the bean to become glaringly conscious of the essays and books that spilled from her own lips, while Ai, on the other hand, seemed perfectly content to use the bare minimum of words needed to communicate.
:lol: what a way to describe their differences. These two was like a polar opposite >_< but kind of alike at the same time.
Risa wondered. And wondered. She spent too much time wondering, those few months. Behind that soundlessly beautiful mask, just how many thoughts flitted to and fro, how many emotions blossomed and rioted?
It was a simple thing to a simple girl.
Find out.
Gaki-san is really simple xD I wonder what it takes to be that simple, while Ai, in the other hands is having a rather complicated mind…wait it is more pessimist than complicated I think. Or it may become conflicted and complex because it is pessimist. Or…I may just blabbering away. :lol:
Nobody else in her family seemed to be as conflicted with the move, especially not Nanami, who looked remarkably cheerful for somebody who not too long ago had been dragged kicking and crying away from their old school.
Nanami-san is quite simple too actually and rather expressive.
He was all the calm and reassurances of her life, the one person who, even if she was without talent or ability, would love her all the same.
I am getting to like and like grandfather-san more ^^. He’s such a wise and kind person. Among Ai’s family which is kind of difficult to approach, he’s the one that see Ai as Ai.
Ai arrived home from school one day to find that her parents had secretly sent for them.
Waw, her parents finally …no, that’s kinda wrong, I mean..they are actually doing something that make Ai happy ^^. Well, that’s what parents supposed to do.
As she had suspected – Niigaki Risa was devastatingly charming and sociable, like a ray of sunshine, much too bright for her to look at directly.
If Gaki-san was a sun then…it will make Ai as the moon. I mean..if Gaki-san was shining that brightly…I am sure…the ray will eventually spark to Ai too. Ah..what I want to say was…that bright people will radiate a light to dark people. Akh, I cant explain it properly >.<’
There was just no comparison to be made.
Once again, Ai was thinking so negatively about herself. >_>
Midway through the exchange and about the same time that Ai was on the verge of zoning out, she came back to her senses only to realise with a start that she was alone. With Risa.
That was kind of funny xD. I mean..the way I imagine it, Ai’s expression when she realized that she’s left alone with Risa. O.O….. dumbfounded and panic. That’s a little comedic :lol:
Curiously quiet, and Ai, who had never felt more cornered than she did in that moment, was seized by another impulse to tear herself from scene.
Oh well, that’s another funny scene. I imagine that Ai’s like a cornered animal under those hunter eyes. And she stared at them with big round eyes, ears down..that’s funny and cute actually xD.
Emitting these discouraging vibes should do the trick to drive the bean away; if it drove everybody else away, she had every right to feel confident it would do the same to this one little girl.
Radiating such aura, huh? That’s a fine trick. And usually people who wasn’t that stubborn or interested enough with the other person, they wont go too far and tried to stay by the negative person side. But..i think Risa wasn’t going to leave, was she?
But she didn’t leave. Ai had expected her to, but she didn’t – she stood her ground resolutely. Steadied herself. Upon seeing the smile that lit up her face the next instant, the older girl, stupefied, dropped her guard.
Yay, she stayed. >_< ahhh, but on the comedic side…the way I imagine it, Ai, who was ready to fight and emitting such aura, expecting Risa to leave, but as soon as she met Risa’s gaze and seeing her smile. For instance she’s frozen on the spot. Eyes stared widely, jaw dropped. xD
While Risa continued to charge head-first into the delicately growing friendship, Ai tip-toed around it.
Ai’s really careful with her relationship. Because she’s afraid to be hurt..maybe because of that…
And just when she felt that there was something going on that the bean would sooner or later feel obliged to act upon, Risa would shatter the illusion with noisy questions about boy crushes and trendy haircuts. Ai’s smile shrank a little.
So close yet so far…
She was unable to think, read, write or concentrate on anything for very long; Risa was a constant raid on her every thought and action.
That’s saying that when someone was in love, 24/7 your minds will be filled with the thought of that special one. “I just want to spend my time by myself. I am totally fine with that. I spend most of it with reading. Suddenly on the book I read, there’s her face filled the book. I cant concentrate. Everything that I did always filled with her,” maybe that’s what Ai felt lol.
Happy birthday, Ai-chan!
That’s so sweet from Risa >_<
That year, Ai made a lot of progress with her sister too.
Ooh….their relationship is really getting better >____< I feel happy when I read it.
They hadn’t talked in two years.
Waaah..? :( Why…why…*stare sadly at Bee-san*
Time had rushed on in the endless noon of her adolescence, and it seemed that before Ai’d turn around twice, graduation day was staring her in the face.
Time flies like water, in a blink of eyes..it’s gone..
What if Risa had completely forgotten about her? What if she didn’t even like girls that way? What if all Ai was doing was setting herself up for a humiliation so deep, it would leave scars?
What if…I think the question itself was more dreadful. Because when I thought of ‘what if..’ I found myself being a coward and making no progress. And eventually become stress because of it. Such a scary question lol
The good news is: Gaki-san likes mutants
Wha-? :lol: Ai’s really cute here >_<
Ai, on the one hand, stubbornly setting up all the security measures, Iida, on the other, mulishly plowing through every one of her patient’s meticulously constructed defences.
Wah? Iida…sensei? Woah, >_< i think she’s fitted somehow. Her motherly and patient figure feels really warm
E m p a t h.
mmmm? *look up for meaning*.... oh...? wah? Ai is an empath? that's awesome and actually has a positive side though the bad side was still there. but, understanding other people's feeling and eventually resonant with it..isnt it awesome? at least i think that it's awesome. yet at the same time it is tiring. it is good that we could understand other but, will other understand us too? like...every good thing will be followed by bad things and bad things will also be followed by good things. Ai's gift wasnt that negative yet it will took long time for her to realize it though...
After reading :
My conclusion was Ai..is really a negative person >__>’ i mean, sure she's actually a shy person to begin with and her families ware also like that and unintentionally pushed her to be so negative. nah, I think I could recall her conversation with Gaki-san bout her no-confidence. But, reading her way of thinking was interesting though. It is funny and kind of cute at the same time yet depressing and sad. Ai makes me want to stand by her side and continue to encourage her so that she could see that this world isn’t that grey. I feel like i cant leave her alone..um..how to say it. because i can sort of relate with her way of thinking...it made me feel like..'ah..i want to be by her side'
And I like the relationship progress between Ai and Risa. It is started with just a few stare and then their gaze finally meets. Slowly the gap between them is being reduced.
Sankyuu for the enjoyable update ^_____^
I will wait patiently to read the next chapter :D
Bee-san ganbare! ^o^/
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ok so its not takagaki on a full chair but i suck at drawing chairs so this should do ne?
(http://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k296/kktomoyo/DSC06613.jpg)
NOW PLEASE WRITE LIKE THE WIND BEE~~~~ :deco: or will i have to bribe you more? XD
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wow wow WOW . just wow
did I told you I love your writing.......... because I totally do :heart:
did I told you you're awesome ........... because you're SO awesome :heart:
I'll try to make a good-worth-reading feedback (but I wouldn't count on that)
First you have Gaki, well, isn't she one curious little girl? I think I'd get a little annoyed by her but somehow I don't ¬¬* (and I get annoyed by the fact that I don't get annoyed) She's totally intrigue by Ai I wonder why? ......... well maybe because she got this BIG HUGE crush on her and she doesn't even realize xD Every fiber of me refuse to this u.u' (specially talk about it LOL)
Wonder if Risa saw something in Ai or she just like a challenge. She's totally intrigue by Ai jsut because her sister told her she's a freak and doesn't have any friends, maybe is sorry what she felt. Probably change that in the future... don't know.
Jiji why Jiji :cry: I totally love grandpa :heart: he's such a great support for Ai. Those three months were probably hell for Ai :( but good thing he could visit her for a while :)
OG! :w00t:
Hard to picture Iida all serious XD and probably the only thing Yuuchan did was call Ai cute other than that she didn't do much xD
Ai, Ai, Ai I don't know if I would hate her if she wasn't Ai. I mean, I can totally see why she's like that and afraid of people, and she doesn't brag about be such an antisocial person or the fat that she is different. She's scared of everything, specially her. The only thing I probably don't like about her is that she gives the vibe of being emo instead of antisocial (They're different!) and different but probably is just because of Ai xD besides when she was with Iida she totally stared to open up a little and she was as well trying to figurate what is going on with her.
You should keep the explanation! I wanted to read more!
I know your chapters are "long" and they look like it but when you finish read them it doesn't fell that way and you just want to read more. Well, at least for me that is :P
And I will definitely read about empaths now. I was intrigue by them, long time ago, so it should be fun to search them :P
I don't know how could this get any better, but looking forward :D
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BEEE!!! WHERE ARE YOU?! I NEED YOU HEEEERE!
And as promised, Eri, swearing at you to update faster. (She needed a little coaching to do it right)
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y214/gracthemusical/Photoon2011-07-19at0231.jpg)
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I dont really read fan fictions alot but this is really good :)
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Comment replies will come later! But much love to everybody who left a comment or a thanks or just continued to support and push me along the way (I suck at updating, I know, I really, really do). I really, really appreciate it, and am always in debt to you. :bow: I haven't forgotten about Secret Admirer, but seeing as how I've kept it on hold all this time, I hope it'll be okay to keep it on hold for a little while longer, while I get some other things out in the mean time... sorry. :(
I left Eri swearing at me for too long, so here's an update for tonight.
This short story (originally meant to be a one-shot, but I've had to break it up into several parts) is inspired by a story one of my friends wrote and shared with me a while ago. I fell for it hard. I've kept the core storyline the same, but I've modified and added a lot of my own.
This is a special piece, for a reason which I'll mention when I post the final part. Hopefully won't take another half a year. :sweatdrop:
Please enjoy. :heart:
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A Modern Day Fairytale
P A R T O N E
I’m not counting, no not really.
Thirty minutes. I stare at the phone in my hands. Or an hour… I sigh, adjusting the cuffs on my coat yet again. Or maybe two. My eyes dart about suspiciously, sure that there must be some stranger, just out of sight, who’s eavesdropping on my private thoughts.
But does it really matter? The waiting? When you’re waiting for the person you love, it doesn’t matter. Well, I tell myself it doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter. I can spend the time waiting in a very productive manner. Like fondly reliving drama-serial worthy moments between the two of us – the quarrels and confessions, the cuddles and kisses, the whispers and the promises. Most of it initiated by me, sadly, but I push that to the back of my mind. The anticipation of waiting helps things. It makes me want more. Want her more. I… I really want to see her.
But who am I kidding. It’s been two hours.
A sane person would have spiralled into a tantrum maybe an hour earlier. In a declaration of war, this sane person would then have proceeded to send mail filled with cussing and accusations, and once somewhat satiated by that, stalk home to soba, TV and a warm futon.
But I guess I’m no sane person. In fact, it would appear that I like to make myself suffer. I continue to punish myself by sitting here, waiting. Sulky fits and texting assaults probably aren’t my thing (they require too much effort). That, and well… I’m just stubborn like that. Others would call me a fool though. I wouldn’t dispute that.
It’s getting dark. The sun’s dipped below the horizon. People are filing out of the amusement park entrance, a distant jungle of trilling voices disturbing the otherwise still night air. And I’m here, I’m sitting here, in this fragile refuge. Alone. Waiting. Here, this bus stop where it all started for us.
The fact that she’s not here says a lot.
The packs of noisy adolescents, gaudy and red-faced from their time in the park, head this way. My hands tighten in my lap. I have a burning urge to turn away, hide my face. Disappear, if God would heed to this completely impromptu prayer. After what seems like forever, they all finally pass, and it’s quiet again. They didn’t seem to notice me. I can breathe again. I feel pitiful. I bring a hand to my chest, clutch the fabric of my top.
I stopped reminiscing some time ago. I’m not reminiscing any more, I’m hurting. And I keep thinking. Keep asking myself why.
Not even a text message.
I’m sorry, can’t make it.
Something came up, come wait at my place.
I’ll take you out another time.
Nothing.
I understand that Yoshizawa-san’s a busy person, you know, busy being busy, and that she lives almost two hours away. But she hasn’t said anything. I’ve already sent her a text message, and tried calling her too, but she won’t respond, won’t pick up. So I hold on, I wait it out. Stubborn. Or stupid. Or stupidly stubborn (or stubbornly stupid!).
But I can’t help it – almost three whole weeks already since I last got to see her properly. After Rosy Etiquette lost its lead singer and took on a new one, after the band released their debut indie single (therefore allowing my senpai to re-establish herself as the coolest bassist ever), Yoshizawa-san hasn’t been around.
I’ve been listening to her voicemail recording more than her actual voice. She’s often been late to rendezvous. That also says a lot because it’s usually me who’s late. If I’m late and she’s tardier, I don’t know what I should make of that. I’ve been trying to pass it off, but the truth of the matter is… I feel her slipping away. Every day that passes that I don’t see her, she slips away that little bit further.
I pull my coat around me more tightly and huddle against the evening chill, then look down at the bracelet around my wrist.
E – R – I
The block letters, a blazing orange – Yoshizawa-san’s gift to me on our one month anniversary. It’s been almost a year now, but when I’m thinking of that special day coming up, it doesn’t quite fill me with the rainbows and love hearts that made up that first month we had. I want to cry.
I’m fingering the bracelet, staring listlessly at it as its bold letters glint under the rusty glow of a nearby lamp post. I’m sighing, and fiddling, and shifting – and then I jump, when a muffled voice rings out next to me:
“Konbanwa~!”
I shoot up like toast from the steel seat, head whipping to a side as a peep escapes my lips. There’s a bear standing right next to me. No, to be exact, it doesn’t just stand, it positively looms. How I hadn’t noticed it sneaking up on me speaks enough for my state of mind. This bear – well, it’s not really a bear, rather, it’s a person in a bear costume – is no doubt a mascot from the amusement park. My hand splayed out over my heaving chest, I stare wide-eyed at the bear. Or rather, at that person in a bear costume.
“Ahhh, sorry for giving you a fright,” the bear says, motioning with her large paws an apology. I say her, because the bear’s voice is sweet and feminine, a little drowned out by the fabric of the costume but it’s still clear enough to make out her every word. “But I was just wondering, what’s a cute girl like you doing here all by yourself?”
Still flustered, I consider not answering. I sit back down. Why do I have to give this big, furry goofy-looking thing a response anyway? If I wasn’t feeling so deflated, I’d maybe have humoured her. It doesn’t sit well with me to ignore a friendly gesture. Anyway, why should she care?
I look away. “Just waiting for the bus.” Better than being a complete snub.
There’s silence. I don’t know what to make of this silence, so I turn my head to look at the bear. But it’s impossible to tell what she’s thinking – those glassy eyes and the woolly, smiling lips sewn on her bear face really don’t give much away. Underneath that huge bear head, I wonder what kind of expression she’s wearing. Is she cringing? Glaring? Smiling sympathetically? Not knowing makes me agitated. I shift on the seat, tug down the hem of my dress and sweep my hands up and down both legs, trying to keep warm.
“You’re cold,” the bear says. Before I can protest, she unwraps the massive scarf from her neck, revealing all of her round, white stomach. She then lumbers closer and begins to drape it around me.
“Wait!” I yell, startled. Ignoring my objection, she makes quick work of wounding it around me, and not just covering my neck but my whole torso. I grunt in effort, trying to push back. It’s no use. My arms are pinned tightly to my sides. “Wait a minute – stop! W-what are you doing? Yada, mouuu…” She’s circled me three times already and there’s still more of the scarf to go.
When she’s done wrapping me like a mummy so that only my eyes and nose peek out from a mound of wool, she takes a few steps back. She tilts her big bear head to a side, brings a paw to her chin and scratches, as if I were some piece of artwork and she was surveying me thoughtfully.
“Hmmm. Cuteness factor has gone through the roof, but I wonder if she’s warm enough.”
When I realise just how big this custom-made scarf is and how odd I must look buried in its depths, I press my lips together, trying hard not to laugh. But I can’t hold it back anymore and I spurt out the laughter that’s been tickling my throat. The thought of looking like a jiggling mound of wool makes me rock even harder. It takes a while before I’m able to remove the image from my head and compose myself, my giggling trailing off as I slip back into docile reverie.
I remember why I’m here, and why I shouldn’t be. I force myself to hold this minor distraction at arm’s length.
But she’s standing there, both paws tucked behind her back, still staring at me with her glassy eyes and her stitched smile. For the briefest of moments, I wonder what the girl underneath all that looks like. I wonder if her expression is contrary to that of the bear’s – if she’s really sad, like me.
She notices my silence. She comes back up to me and unwinds the scarf from my body. Then, ever so gently, she puts it around me, properly this time, letting it drape comfortably around my neck and stream down my shoulders. I still feel myself swimming in it and I’m tempted to refuse her goodwill. For some reason, I don’t.
“Don’t stay out too late.”
I nod. I muster, just for her, the slightest hint of a smile.
The bear pauses for a moment, before continuing in a cute voice, “This neck of the woods is teeming with all sorts of dangerous creatures, especially this late in the day. If you get into trouble, I’m not sure if I’ll be around to rescue you.”
Despite myself, I crack into a grin. Neither her body language nor her bear face gives me much to gauge on, but I can hear her words. Such cute words, dressed by a voice that’s amused yet entirely sincere. Before I can even try to curb my feelings, a surge of gratitude floods through me.
Really, I’m just some girl sitting at a bus stop outside an amusement park. Surely she’s under no obligation to stray from the park just to cheer me up. But she’s given it a good shot here. She’s been a welcome distraction from the emotions running amok inside, even if it’s only for little while.
I sit up a little straighter. “Hai!”
“Ah, the forest is calling for me. If that’s all, I’ll be on my way. Please have a good night, Hime-sama.”
“Hime-sama?!” I whine. Noticing how loud and high-pitched that came out, I clamp both hands over my mouth.
She chuckles. “Can I please have your name, then?”
“Kamei Eri.”
“Ja… Eri-hime…”
She inclines her head a little; I recognise it as a bow and immediately return it. She’s about to turn, but stops and regards me again. “Whoever you’re waiting for… they’ll come back to you. For now, it’s best if you go home. The stars are worried and have asked me to relay this to you.”
“I told you I was waiting for the bus!” Another shrill exclamation. I feel myself heat up uncontrollably as I realise that perhaps she’s been watching all this time. The humiliation cuts through me sharply. I look away. Up to the sky. I make a wild, waving gesture at it. “And there are no stars!”
No reply. I glance back down, only to catch the bear’s large figure skipping away.
“Ahh, chotto!”
She stops mid-dance to turn back.
My bottom leaves the seat.
“I… I didn’t get your name.”
“You didn’t ask,” she replies. I feel her smile. “My name is Cookie.”
“Cookie-san, then,” I say, nodding. “Cookie-san?”
“… Yes?”
“Thank you!”
Cookie waves back vigorously, then twirls on her heels and wiggles her butt at me. She begins to dance her way back to the park, her wild, jerky movements taking her further away. She’s so zealously moving to some unheard beat that she loses a foothold and goes stumbling for a bit, nearly toppling over to the ground, her arms and legs windmilling frantically as she tries to regain balance.
I laugh. So she’s a klutz, like me. She turns around, scratching her head with a big paw. I can tell it’s from embarrassment, and giggle again. She waves at me one last time, then she’s on her way once again, taking care not to trip over herself this time.
I watch her walk all the way to the park entrance, and realise with another spurt of laughter that she’s been locked out – she’s pounding and clawing at the gates, in what appears to be a slight panic attack. A security guard opens the gates for her a moment later. He’s probably not very happy, as I see her bowing over again and again before scampering through the gate.
“What a weirdo,” I say aloud. It’s nice to be able to say that about somebody else for a change.
The bus comes not too long after. I board this one.
The door closes with a gentle hiss behind me and the bus jolts into motion.
The trip home is uneventful as usual, but I’m occupied, strangely tranquil, somewhere faraway. My head leaning against the window, I watch as tableaus of scattered colour and whirling movement zip by, the city’s nightlife emerging like the mysterious nocturnal creature it has always struck me as.
Something’s sunk in my gut, burrowing there like a drowsy bear. Her visit has left the rest of me awake though, and I look down at myself, look at the scarf snaked around me, I hold its soft fabric in my hand. The night has been breathing nothing but cold – everyone around me’s swallowed up in gluttonous coats and sweaters, chins tucked to chests, hands rubbing for warmth.
This is the kind of weather I’ve never been good with. But it’s surprising. As the ventilation blows creepy crawlies across my skin, I keep thinking to myself how so very warm I feel.
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GAH SOMETHING ACTUALLY WRITTEN BY BEE~!!!!! X3 i am estatic XD pretty cute to see eri and cookie-chan interacting lol eventhough i wonder who cookie-chan really is? XD cant wait for more and i hope that you'll write more asap~! or i'l start tempting you with more pictures~! XD
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I once saw a pv with a girl who worked at an amusement park (she was the giant pink rabbit much like in h!m) who fell for a male visitor and this fic reminded me of it only it's so much better. Cookie-san is so adorable and Eri is too. I'm gonna guess Ai is the big flurry bear although I secretly hope it turns out to be Gaki ^^;
Please updat secret admirer when you can? I miss it =(
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Be~!!!! you finally update something! *do happy dance* it's not Secret Admirer but still good!!! :twothumbs anything that is writing by you is good ^^
I haven't forgotten about Secret Admirer, but seeing as how I've kept it on hold all this time, I hope it'll be okay to keep it on hold for a little while longer, while I get some other things out in the mean time... sorry. :(
Aaaw is ok Bee, at least you're giving us another story :thumbsup so I guess we'll have to be more patience about Secret Admirer ^^
Now to the story ...
Eri~!!! :cry:
Thirty minutes. I stare at the phone in my hands. Or an hour… I sigh, adjusting the cuffs on my coat yet again. Or maybe two. My eyes dart about suspiciously, sure that there must be some stranger, just out of sight, who’s eavesdropping on my private thoughts.
LOL paranoid Eri is so cute xD
but she's right, you never know how might be hearing your thoughts ..
But does it really matter? The waiting? When you’re waiting for the person you love, it doesn’t matter. Well, I tell myself it doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter. I can spend the time waiting in a very productive manner. Like fondly reliving drama-serial worthy moments between the two of us – the quarrels and confessions, the cuddles and kisses, the whispers and the promises. Most of it initiated by me, sadly, but I push that to the back of my mind. The anticipation of waiting helps things. It makes me want more. Want her more. I… I really want to see her.
Eri~!! why you do this to you? :mon hanky:
guess, she's right, when you love someone you do anything for her ...
but who'd do this to Eri!
How can you make Eri wait! You don't do that to the little turtle! :mon fierce:
But I guess I’m no sane person. In fact, it would appear that I like to make myself suffer. I continue to punish myself by sitting here, waiting. Sulky fits and texting assaults probably aren’t my thing (they require too much effort). That, and well… I’m just stubborn like that. Others would call me a fool though. I wouldn’t dispute that.
No ones a sane person once they're fall inlove. And stubbornness is the worst, but I can't blame her, I understand :(
The fact that she’s not here says a lot.
Unfortunately it does
I stopped reminiscing some time ago. I’m not reminiscing any more, I’m hurting. And I keep thinking. Keep asking myself why.
Not even a text message.
I’m sorry, can’t make it.
Something came up, come wait at my place.
I’ll take you out another time.
Nothing.
:gyaaah:
I understand that Yoshizawa-san’s a busy person, you know, busy being busy, and that she lives almost two hours away. But she hasn’t said anything. I’ve already sent her a text message, and tried calling her too, but she won’t respond, won’t pick up. So I hold on, I wait it out. Stubborn. Or stupid. Or stupidly stubborn (or stubbornly stupid!).
So it's you Yoshizawa!!! :scolding:
But I can’t help it – almost three whole weeks already since I last got to see her properly. After Rosy Etiquette lost its lead singer and took on a new one, after the band released their debut indie single (therefore allowing my senpai to re-establish herself as the coolest bassist ever), Yoshizawa-san hasn’t been around
Well, it takes a lot of your time being in a bad .... but still is no excuse >.>
I’ve been listening to her voicemail recording more than her actual voice. She’s often been late to rendezvous. That also says a lot because it’s usually me who’s late. If I’m late and she’s tardier, I don’t know what I should make of that. I’ve been trying to pass it off, but the truth of the matter is… I feel her slipping away. Every day that passes that I don’t see her, she slips away that little bit further.
aaww Eri!! :cry: want to hug you so much right now!
The block letters, a blazing orange – Yoshizawa-san’s gift to me on our one month anniversary. It’s been almost a year now, but when I’m thinking of that special day coming up, it doesn’t quite fill me with the rainbows and love hearts that made up that first month we had. I want to cry.
No, don't cry :(
Once you don't get to fill that, you deep inside know is over. Even though you don't want to accept that.
I look away. “Just waiting for the bus.” Better than being a complete snub.
yeah right. Eri didn't even believe herself in this one :P
“Wait!” I yell, startled. Ignoring my objection, she makes quick work of wounding it around me, and not just covering my neck but my whole torso. I grunt in effort, trying to push back. It’s no use. My arms are pinned tightly to my sides. “Wait a minute – stop! W-what are you doing? Yada, mouuu…” She’s circled me three times already and there’s still more of the scarf to go.
LOL, abusing Eri in that way, so funny xD
“Hmmm. Cuteness factor has gone through the roof, but I wonder if she’s warm enough.”
haha, can only agree here
XD
When I realise just how big this custom-made scarf is and how odd I must look buried in its depths, I press my lips together, trying hard not to laugh. But I can’t hold it back anymore and I spurt out the laughter that’s been tickling my throat. The thought of looking like a jiggling mound of wool makes me rock even harder. It takes a while before I’m able to remove the image from my head and compose myself, my giggling trailing off as I slip back into docile reverie.
Aaww Eri finally smile again~! good job kuma-san :thumbsup
She notices my silence. She comes back up to me and unwinds the scarf from my body. Then, ever so gently, she puts it around me, properly this time, letting it drape comfortably around my neck and stream down my shoulders. I still feel myself swimming in it and I’m tempted to refuse her goodwill. For some reason, I don’t.
Aaaww this is so cute :heart:
Despite myself, I crack into a grin. Neither her body language nor her bear face gives me much to gauge on, but I can hear her words. Such cute words, dressed by a voice that’s amused yet entirely sincere. Before I can even try to curb my feelings, a surge of gratitude floods through me.
:heart:
The whole interaction between Eri and Kuma-san is so cute~ :heart:
You can tell that Kuma-san saw something she likes :P
“Ja… Eri-hime…”
Sounds more than perfect to me :wub:
She inclines her head a little; I recognise it as a bow and immediately return it. She’s about to turn, but stops and regards me again. “Whoever you’re waiting for… they’ll come back to you. For now, it’s best if you go home. The stars are worried and have asked me to relay this to you.”
Ah! So kuma-san knew it!!, see Eri wasn't paranoid after all LOL
“I told you I was waiting for the bus!” Another shrill exclamation. I feel myself heat up uncontrollably as I realise that perhaps she’s been watching all this time. The humiliation cuts through me sharply. I look away. Up to the sky. I make a wild, waving gesture at it. “And there are no stars!”
LOL, so cute Eri here, first denied then... just change the subject XD
“I… I didn’t get your name.”
“You didn’t ask,”
LOL simple logic, great to used on Eri xD
she replies. I feel her smile. “My name is Cookie.”
“Cookie-san, then,” I say, nodding. “Cookie-san?”
“… Yes?”
“Thank you!”
:heart:
She begins to dance her way back to the park, her wild, jerky movements taking her further away. She’s so zealously moving to some unheard beat that she loses a foothold and goes stumbling for a bit, nearly toppling over to the ground, her arms and legs windmilling frantically as she tries to regain balance.
LOL, so cute Cookie-san :lol:
I laugh. So she’s a klutz, like me.
and that's hard to find xD
I watch her walk all the way to the park entrance, and realise with another spurt of laughter that she’s been locked out – she’s pounding and clawing at the gates
Yep so cute, mental imagine is so hilarious :rofl:
“What a weirdo,” I say aloud. It’s nice to be able to say that about somebody else for a change.
I bet :lol:
This is the kind of weather I’ve never been good with. But it’s surprising. As the ventilation blows creepy crawlies across my skin, I keep thinking to myself how so very warm I feel.
Awwwww!! :heart:
So cute and glad Eri forget about her problems for a while, Cookie did a good job, a really good one if I said :D
Need new chapter!! :panic:
Talking about that how many more chapter are there? (i'm just curious xD)
I have a theory of who Cookie might be, but not sure. Actually I have two people knowing you OTP (I think it could work :nervous) but then again it can be someone else :P (which I'm hoping for that one xD)
Aaahh!! I loved reading this :heart:
Don't know but all this came to me as manga-type style for me LOL Eri waiting, Cookie-san making her laugh, Eri as a mummy :lol: It could totally work :P
I really really like reading something from you so I hope you can update soon ^^
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-crawls out from hiding- Ooh an update!! :otomerika:
Hm? Sorta YossyEri? That's unusual, but it's cute now that I think about it~~ :yossi: :yossi:
Eri is so cute!! But who could Cookie be?? :cathappy: quietly prays for GakiKame xDD
I can't wait for update~~ <3
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Since I've already told you how much I loved this on Skype, I decided to express my love for it in a different way.
Edit: I didn't realise Cookie was brown (durr) (But if you still want the pink one, you can get it here (http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y214/gracthemusical/Bee-EriCookie.jpg).)
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y214/gracthemusical/Bee-EriCookiebrown.jpg)
MOAR!
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I'm kind of really happy that I decided to laze around at home on a Friday instead of the usual lol
I never would have found this story (or stories i guess xD) otherwise. You should totally update when you get the chance ^__^
(and grac, seeing you here, I cant help but bug you about on-call as well LOL)
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Eh Yossy & Eri? That's an unusual pairing :lol:
This is cute lol. Wonder who Cookie-san really is. Will wait impatiently to find out :D
Oh don't forget to update your Secret Admirer as well!
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No, not an update, but hopefully a lead-up to the next part of this fairytale... which will be coming soon. :P
Forum has been feeling empty as of late. :cry: ropychan's absence NOT helping ;____;
But thanks to everyone who's still been writing and those who are still reading and commenting. Not just for this story, but for any of the stories here. I really feel like my love for this fandom has been prolonged thanks to this part of the JPH!P forum. I'm not usually one to stick to a fandom for long, so I'm glad my passion is still going strong, and just wanted to say thanks to everybody. :deco:
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@waiwai: I know right? Something written by me! OMG! :lol: But awwww, thank you :wub: you're not even going to try to guess who Cookie is? xD I guess it doesn't concern you because it's not TakaGaki :lol:
i hope that you'll write more asap~! or i'l start tempting you with more pictures~!
Yeah, 'coz, like, that's such a bad thing... :lol: that just makes me want to hold off writing so I can see more drawings... :3 fail plan, waiwai. XD
I'm writing!~ thank you for not giving up on me! xD and I'd love to read more TakaGaki from you soon! :wub:
@hammy: it's you! :shocked: lol again... but I've recently developed quite an admiration for you because of your blog ^_^ dunno if you've read my comment.. but yah, it was in response to one of your TakaGaki posts :wub: you're awesome! Thanks for dropping by and leaving me your thoughts, I have plenty of my own to give you soon.
Ahhh... you and your GakiKame love. Let's just say, I will have to consider writing GakiKame in the future XD I've only ever seen them as really good friends, and have appreciated them in that sense in fanfiction, nothing more... hmmm. :grin:
Ah, you've been following Secret Admirer? I thought I lost a lot of readers with my sporadic (or zero) updating. :nervous I'm glad you're still reading then? Thank you. I've kind of been stuck with chapter three for a while now. I don't know why. ;___;
Good luck with updating your own stories - especially Doki Dorky, which I have only caught up with recently! :love:
@steph: Hi there, lovely. :deco: lol, you're always excited about my writing... :P cute.
but she's right, you never know how might be hearing your thoughts ..
:lol: that was just Eri being a dork - don't tell me you're paranoid about that thing too... XD I know, right? Who the hell would make Eri wait... Eri is Eri, she makes YOU wait! :smhid
Your commentary was extremely cute :3 I especially loved the way you reacted to finding out who was making Eri wait... :rofl:
No ones a sane person once they're fall inlove.
^ so true XD
What? That wasn't abusing Eri, Cookie-san was simply trying to keep Eri warm! :D Oh yes, Cookie-san definitely saw something she liked :inlove: we're talking Eri here, it's not that hard to see why. :grin:
Ah! So kuma-san knew it!!, see Eri wasn't paranoid after all LOL
XD You mean, something like soul-mate telepathy? :wub:
Yah, lol. Eri changed the subject but she failed there too, because the dork doesn't realise that even though she can't see them, the stars are always there. :nervous The real logic would be -- Eri: I didn't get your name; Cookie: I didn't give it. -- but I felt that was a tad cheesy so I went with something else :lol: how many chapters left? I honestly have no idea. ^^ I've got everything planned out though. It looks like... maybe another 4 parts? No idea...
Oh, you have theories, do you? You have theories for everything XD Hai hai. I know you're hoping to death it's AiEri. Well, we'll just have to find out, won't we. :twisted:
Don't talk to me about manga, I can't read them for the life of me :sweatdrop: but I'll take that as a compliment :twothumbs THANKS, STEPH! That was a really enjoyable comment from you to read. :k-inlove: hope you're writing too! :heart:
@KirikomoriHime: If you're referring to this as an update, is it safe to say you've been getting frustrated with me too? :nervous Man, it just makes me feel really bad about my updating (or lack thereof xD). Anyway. YOU. TakAika fan. :P Thanks for popping out of hiding though; I'm always really happy to see more readers showing interest. Makes me feel like I'm writing for more than just myself. :thumbsup You're another GakiKame hopeful? XD I'm sorry to disappoint this time. ^^;
YossiEri - is cuuute. And, well, Yossie has a purpose here. Sorta. XD I will show you more - go down to the video at the end of this post. :P
Thanks for commenting again, and hope you enjoy the next update! :love:
@grac: :mon lovelaff: you've already been burdened with my fangirling... so I'll keep it to a minimum here... but yeah. Just. THANK YOU. ;________; I love that drawing to bits! Toooo cuteee... :tama-yeeaah: grac, you're the best. But you already know that. :deco: :heart: and no, it's not Rika. As much as I love IshiKamei, I'm not going to be that obscure. xD Anyway, I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far. AND. You know it's coming. Update ON CALL. Pwetty please. :mon love:
@kjpop: Ah! IshiYoshi fan! :heart: what are you doing in this thread XD
What's your usual on Friday then? :P Awww. I'm glad you found something in this barely updated thread to enjoy. And I'm also glad you seized the opportunity to bug grac to update :lol: you will be happy to know that I do as much as I can to push grac (without making her hate me xD) on the topic of On Call. Looks like a lot of us are in a bit of a rut with our writing. ^^;
Anyhow, thanks a lot for your comment and your encouragement! I'll definitely try to update when I can. :P
P.S It looks like we have a mutual love for Guy-chan! :deco: I'm feeling an urge to write him!
@baddie: Hey there! It's been a while, huh. ^^ Hope you've been well!
YossiEri is an unusual pairing, yah, but they are cute. :love: Please refer to video at the end of this post. xD Some guesses have been thrown around already - you're not going to take one? Yah, you'll be finding out soon enough. Hope it's a pairing you'll be okay with. I never know with you guys. XD
And I know that you actually have a fairytale story to be writing yourself :P
You've also been following Secret Admirer? I've completely lost track of who's still reading :lol: Hai hai, I won't forget. That's one damned story I have made a promise to see to the end. :bleed eyes: Thanks for your comment! :love:
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Why YossiEri...
1. Yossie's prince-like, which fits nicely into the whole fairytale theme...
2. This:
YossiEri moment (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JNzt-OAfE4#)
^
The first time I saw that moment, I fangirled. XD
Though I don't understand much of what's going on... I love Yossie's 'Eri-chan'... and the fooling around toward the end. :wub:
Okay, that's all for tonight. Thanks to all of you guys again. :luvuluvu:
Me to bed now. :3
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Blah, sorry for yet another delay. :nervous
Next part to the fairytale. :heart:
If you still don't know who Cookie is by the end of this part...
...
...
...
:sweatdrop:
(I will try harder? xD)
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A Modern Day Fairytale
P A R T T W O
Blank.
Not exactly just yet, but that’s the state I’m aiming to get my mind to. A blank. A nice, clean, empty blank. Because for quite some time now, my head hasn’t been able to stop buzzing.
There’s no time to exercise such brain power though – I glance sourly at my wristwatch – because I’m late.
As I approach the front gates at a hurried pace, I notice how much busier the park looks than usual. I bounce on my heels, once. Then I’m off, a knife through the crowd. I can’t afford the time to wade through this human tide with cutesy, traversing steps, only barrelling headfirst through it will suffice.
Once I’ve shoved my way past the packed entrance, it’s a little easier to breathe. On nimble feet, I quickly negotiate my way around a few pruned animal-hedges, ducking past a bronze statue and into a fork in the walkway. In my haste to turn a corner, I nearly go crashing into a couple. I step on my brakes just in time, suspending my forward momentum long enough for them to breeze past so that I can fall back into stride. Before I even reach my work station, I’ve already slipped clumsily out of my blazer, slung it over a shoulder, and somehow, even with a backpack dangling from the grip of one hand, secured my hair in a ponytail.
In my frenzy, I think I may have smacked somebody in the face. As intensely annoyed as my conscience is that I don’t backpedal and find that somebody to apologise to, I wave away the guilt trip that’s hovering too close for comfort and charge onwards, past game stalls and park attractions until I reach mascot centre. If karma finds its way back to me afterwards, then so be it.
This must be the third consecutive day that I’ve turned up a jiffy behind schedule. I don’t want to think about how many glares I’m going to get stabbed by the moment I show my apologetic face. My co-workers are cranky, and my supervisor even crankier. That should be incentive enough for me to be a little more organised and punctual, right? Right. But things aren’t always that easy. Some things are simply out of your control. Traffic, for one. Guys harassing you, another. When it’s a combination of both, that’s when it’s especially tricky trying to arrive at work on time so as to avoid another tedious dressing-down. I so don’t need one of those right now.
Weekends are hard enough as they are – it’s on these days that I take on the afternoon, evening and night shifts all in one go – pretty much until the park closes. I’ll need to start all of them on a good foot.
Once I ease into the day’s schedule though, it’s all smooth sailing from there. Cookie has been recognised as the park’s most popular mascot. I’m the only one who throws herself wholeheartedly into the job, the only one to really work up a proper sweat walking around, meeting, greeting and entertaining, posing for photos and handing out balloons. It wasn’t always like that at the beginning. This ‘career choice’ has required a bit of time to take root; it’s something that’s really grown on me over my three years working here. Sure it’s a taxing job at times, but I can’t see myself doing anything else now. This is it. This is what I want to do.
Unlike the others, who see this chiefly as a survival job and spend a good chunk of their work shifts begrudging the games attendants, concession staff and ride operators their positions, I’m in it for the long haul, the dreaded 8 hour shift; only the most sound of minds and athletic of bodies can toil through such ghastly a shift. My fellow mascots have to take turns with their stints. It feels a little lonely that I’m the only one who’s willing to ride out the 8 hours with little to no break. Cookie, the crackpot.
I spot my supervisor. Hideaki-san is standing just in front of the locker area, hands planted squarely on hips. When he hears my labouring breaths and the squeaking of my sneakers and knows I’ve arrived, he snaps his head in my direction, flashes me a hard look before dropping his gaze to his watch, taps it a few times in furious succession. Not happy, got it.
“Gomen, gomen, gomen, gomen!” I rattle off in a rapid-fire before he can get a word in. If I can put a quick wedge into this now, before his voice spills into the air and pollutes it, I should be safe. I sail right on past him, moving unerringly to the dressing room.
“Cookie!” follows his thunderous voice, like he’s got a boom box installed somewhere deep in his throat.
I flinch and halt in my tracks, tossing an impatient look at his overbearing form over a shoulder.
“Cream’s been out there by herself for the last twenty minutes. Is it fair to have your partner go solo at such a busy time of the day?”
“No, boss.”
“Best mascot or not, you shouldn’t make a habit of it. There’s no room for complacency on my team.”
“Yes, boss.”
When he says no more on the matter, I’m ready to turn and leave.
“Wait! We had a visitor this morning.”
Feeling the onset of a facial tic, I stop again. “Oh,” I say, not really interested.
“A girl, looking for you.”
I take a moment. “Oh?” My voice inflects, my eyes widen. Interested!
“Cute little thing,” he says, a little too dreamily, so I hit him (in my imagination). He clears his throat, not as inconspicuously as he’d probably hoped to. “She had your scarf. Said something about you offering it to her last night. We promised to give it to you and tried to take it from her, but she refused and clung onto it with claws.” A dazed expression crosses his face, like he’s reliving something in his head that he can’t quite make sense of. “Stubborn thing. Said she wanted to give it to you in person and asked you to meet her at the same time and place tonight.”
“Ah…” I say, trying to dodge his curious eyes, which has fixed a little too intently on me. I rub the back of my neck. “Okay.”
His eyes twinkle. “Well, if you’re busy tonight and you really can’t make the rendezvous, I can go in your stead…”
I give him a once over. His drum-like gut hanging over the belt, the greying bands of hair, his crinkly, pitted sun-wearied skin.
I don’t want this man anywhere near Eri.
“No, I’ll be good to go!”
As grateful as I am for everything he has done for me, robbing me of the opportunity to see Eri again is not something I’m going to sit idly by and allow.
“I hope you’re not slacking off and cutting time from work to see her,” he says gravelly. I’ve hung around long enough to know how he ‘works.’ He’s pressuring me to reconsider, but I hunker down and shake my head.
“No, of course not!” I clap both hands together and motion a quick apology. “I shouldn’t keep Rei-Cream waiting. Excuse me!”
Hideaki-san is a good guy, I’d be hard-pressed to question that, but I’ve noticed the shameless amount of time he devotes to flirting with girls (including those half his age, and those whose arms are accessorized with a boyfriend). Logical deduction: he must get a real kick out of being publically humiliated.
So. He’s got the pick of any girl in the amusement park to victimise – was it so hard to leave Eri alone?
Which brings me to my next dilemma.
While I’m getting into my bear costume, I fall back into my earlier daze.
Her name is Kamei Eri. I finally know her name. Kamei Eri…
The same thought. The same name. Both continually shimmering in my head like confetti.
The dreamy high of last evening hasn’t quite loosened its hold over me. I still can’t believe I actually did what I did. But the longer I’d watched her wait, the more twisted the knot in my stomach – I could hardly focus on my own duties. At the two-hour mark, my brain finally switched off and my legs began to move of their own volition. I was in front of her before I knew it. She was like a dream. And while she hadn’t regarded me with anything more than a tentative curiosity, it still hasn’t registered with me that I was that close to her, talking to her and joking with her and, sweet Kamisama, wrapping my scarf around her.
And NOW. She wants to see me again? Eri? She could’ve just handed them my scarf, and let that be the end of it. Was there really a need to see me again? Why would she go through the trouble? Wait. Wait wait wait! Maybe she… what if… b-but! No! I don’t want to hope. It’s too early to hope. Hope leads to a lot of things, and for me, it usually invites disaster. It’s when I don’t hope that things tend to not suck.
I have no idea how long I’ve been standing lost in thought outside the dressing room in my bear body with my bear head clasped under my bear armpit, because the next moment I’m rudely shaken from my daze.
“COOKIE!”
I jump and yell out, a string of vulgarities tumbling from my lips before I can vacuum them back in.
“LANGUAGE!”
I smash on my bear head and motion yet more apologies to Hideaki-san, who looks so unimpressed at this point I might begin crying but there’s a voice in my head reminding me I have a comrade out there who needs me right now.
I’m out of the building in record time.
* * *
Cookie, Cookie, Cookie.
I’m just ‘Cookie’ to Hideaki-san, aren’t I?
I wouldn’t describe myself as somebody who gives up easily. My persistence, though occasionally a real grief, is sometimes about the only thing I have to get me through at the end of the day.
But I’ve long given up on Hideaki-san calling any of us by our real names. He’s an infuriatingly unreasonable person when it comes to work ethics, you see.
He thinks by using our mascot names, he can foster inspiration. He thinks the others need to have these names drilled into them because it reminds them of their positions and their responsibility to deliver a persona. I would’ve been exempted from this, except it wouldn’t be the best thing to do in the name of team spirit. If any of our patrons caught us calling each other by our real names, our credibility would be compromised. Boss wouldn’t like that.
Don’t ask me why he treats the mascot division as though it’s the epicentre of the park. It’s so darned far from it.
I’m running and running and nearly tripping every few steps because it’s a chore trying to move at breakneck speed in a costume that’s all at once as big as a parachute and as tight as a wetsuit. Too many eyes turn on me. I can feel them, they’re curious because they’ve never seen a mascot move so fast without face-planting.
“Cream!” I yell, huffing and puffing as I zero in on her. I arrive just outside the central food zone, taking a moment to bend over, paws on knees, to catch my breath. “I’m really sorry!” Unhooking a bundle of balloons from a wire basket just behind a ticketing booth, I waste no time jumping right into work.
“Cookie!”
I cringe. No offence whatsoever to Reina, of course. It’s a reflex. I don’t like it when somebody I consider a friend calls me that.
I’ve tried to reason with her more times than I can count that away from the mascot house (where boss Hideaki likes to dilly-dally about), we should call each other by our real names. But Reina’s deluded. She’s convinced that Hideaki-san has somehow bugged our costumes and makes a hobby of listening in on everything we say. That doesn’t stop her from divulging raunchy details about her bed ventures with her Chinese girlfriend though (to which – within the security of my bear head – I either blush or gag). Needless to say, I have yet to find the guts to say that to Reina’s face. Don’t think I ever will.
Case in point: Cream’s foot ‘accidentally’ comes down hard on mine.
She waits for a group of teens to pass before leaning her bear head in, close to mine. “Why are you so late!” she hisses. “You know how long I’ve been out here all by myself? Trying not to bark at every crying runt and snotty adolescent that comes within two feet of me? You know I can’t deal with them!”
While she’s talking to me through gritted teeth, she doesn’t miss a beat handing out balloons and waving at nearby families. What a professional.
“Gomen, gomen, gomen.”
I wonder when it became a hobby of mine to apologise to people. Reina doesn’t like people who say sorry at the drop of a hat, nor does she like those who offer thanks just as flippantly. Reina doesn’t like a lot of things. Including irresponsibly late coworkers, but I don’t know how to explain to her that it isn’t because I’m irresponsible, it’s because life tends to be uncooperative at the worst of times. So I don’t explain.
I don’t think she likes the fact that I’m not explaining either, because she shoves the balloon – yes, shoves, she doesn’t hand the balloon to the poor kid, she shoves it into his hands, like the barbarian that she is. Panicked, I immediately seize the rest of the balloons from her. “Let me! Let me!” I say. She puts up a struggle but I quickly relieve her of her duty and nudge her to a side, indicating for her to take a moment to cool off.
Reina stands back, watching as I effortlessly slip into character. It’s a lot of fun entertaining the visitors. I draw out smiles and laughter with my over-enthused posing, dancing and spontaneous English, and I’m gifted with hugs and thanks in return. I’m so in the zone after a while that I throw my arms up in the air and the fourth batch of balloons for the week drift up and away, lost to the skies. I easily ignore the cry of irritation from behind me as everybody else watches in delight.
When there’s a lull in the crowd, we migrate to our next temporary station, just out in front of one my favourite, favourite rides – the Lethal Claw. When riding it alone after hours (having bugged staff-san to leave it on and wait for me while I finish up a shift), I sometimes find myself thinking. Does Eri like the extreme rides as much as I do?
I’m quietly contemplating my decision to tell Reina about Eri. She’ll be completely shocked to learn how much closer I got to Eri in just one night!
I chuckle to myself.
“You saw her yesterday?”
Argh. Why does she always win?
“How’d you know?” I ask, injecting as much wariness in my voice as I possibly can, knowing she can’t see my narrowed eyes.
“You were distracted the whole time. Even when we had to head off, you kept lingering back to the entrance. And the moment the shift was over, you didn’t walk me back to base. Didn’t even say anything, you headed straight in direction of the entrance. I figured as much,” she says, and I can practically hear her rolling her eyes.
I stay quiet for a moment. The silence is my embarrassment, but I hope she takes it as me just reflecting on things.
“Her name is Eri.”
“Oh, Eri-chan, is it? Does Eri-chan know you fancy the pants off of her?”
I hit Reina.
“I’ll take that as a no.”
Explaining to her that I’d approached Eri as Cookie and charmed her as Cookie and that the Princess hasn’t a clue as to who I really am takes a while, because Reina keeps cutting in with ‘you’re stupid’ and ‘why didn’t you just…’ and I’m not sure I want to share anymore because I’m feeling gloomier by the second.
Frustrated by her unhelpfulness, I press my lips together. I say nothing more. I’m not even finished recounting everything that had happened, but I’m too disgruntled to continue. Reina’s not usually this vexing to deal with; she’s being extra feisty today with her ‘schooling’.
“Then tonight,” she declares suddenly, “you’ll go see Eri. And you’ll do it as yourself, not Cookie. How about that?”
“I was going to get to that part,” I say through gritted teeth. “I’m going to see Eri because she wants to return my scarf. That’s all.”
“But you can’t let that be all! It’s the perfect opportunity for you to get another foot in – ask for her number or something.”
“No!” I cry. “I can’t. She’s seeing someone.” Or at least she’s trying to see someone, I remark dolefully in my head.
Cream shrugs her shoulders. “I guess, if you’re willing to let that stop you…”
Afternoon turns to evening too quickly.
I sigh, and set off for my Princess at the bus stop.
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Ai-chan? She's the only one I could think of xDD;;
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I especially loved the way you reacted to finding out who was making Eri wait... :rofl:
yeah, now that I think about it
OMG! Yossi! :shocked (I was sick when I read that chapter xD) Didn't actually understood this pairing, so this is going to be interesting ^^
Oh, you have theories, do you? You have theories for everything XD Hai hai.
I like theories :P
Don't talk to me about manga, I can't read them for the life of me :sweatdrop: but I'll take that as a compliment
haha well that was probably the flu talking xD It's a good thing though since it mean you make it easy for me to picture everything :P
and just for the record, the second chapter didn't come at me as in manga-style xD
and talking about the second part
OMG!!
PART II IS HERE~!!! *do happy dance*
:deco:
aaaahh so much emotions right now :panic: I don't know where to start lol
Cookie~!!! :heart: (or should I say ..... :heart:) XD
I think I know who Cookie is but I've been wronge in the past u.u'
Seems like Cookie really love her job. Taking all the shifts o.0 I would probably hate it :nervous
As intensely annoyed as my conscience is that I don’t backpedal and find that somebody to apologise to, I wave away the guilt trip that’s hovering too close for comfort and charge onwards, past game stalls and park attractions until I reach mascot centre. If karma finds its way back to me afterwards, then so be it.
Awww so cute. She's so caring :heart:
I’m the only one who throws herself wholeheartedly into the job, the only one to really work up a proper sweat walking around, meeting, greeting and entertaining, posing for photos and handing out balloons.
:heart: Cookie does her best. So lovely :P
“Cute little thing,” he says, a little too dreamily, so I hit him (in my imagination)
hit him for real!!! >.<
“She had your scarf. Said something about you offering it to her last night. We promised to give it to you and tried to take it from her, but she refused and clung onto it with claws.”
Could it be?! :w00t: of course it is. Eri!! ^-^
LOL I could totally picture Eri hold on the scarf and refuse to let go xD
I don’t want this man anywhere near Eri.
Aaaaww that's so cute :wub:
Cookie so protective over Eri :heart:
Aaaaaawww Cookies you so cute! :heart: I totally loved when she starts talking about how she went to Eri and talk to her. So cute >.< :heart:
And NOW. She wants to see me again? Eri? She could’ve just handed them my scarf, and let that be the end of it. Was there really a need to see me again? Why would she go through the trouble? Wait. Wait wait wait! Maybe she… what if… b-but! No! I don’t want to hope. It’s too early to hope. Hope leads to a lot of things, and for me, it usually invites disaster. It’s when I don’t hope that things tend to not suck.
Oh the dilemma.
I totally see your point Cookie-san. but hope is the last thing that dies :thumbsup
Already daydreaming about Eri :heart:
I jump and yell out, a string of vulgarities tumbling from my lips before I can vacuum them back in.
imagine someone so cute doing this .... :rofl:
Reina~!
I love the interaction xD
Cookie really apologized a lot isn't she?
and is there JunRei?!! I love them ^^ great that you include them ^^
I sometimes find myself thinking. Does Eri like the extreme rides as much as I do?
Still thinking about her, aren't we?
Extreme rides he? Now, who could it be? XD
“Oh, Eri-chan, is it? Does Eri-chan know you fancy the pants off of her?”
I hit Reina.
“I’ll take that as a no.”
Yep I love the interaction xD
“I’m going to see Eri because she wants to return my scarf. That’s all.”
Yeah right Cookie. Reina's right! you have to do something! This is your chance!!
I sigh, and set off for my Princess at the bus stop.
OMG! And then what! :O
You can't let me here!!
It's not fair!
:panic:
Well, i'm jsut going to say it.... I really feel is Ai, there no other, right? please tell me i'm right? *begs to Bee*
LOL
It all point to Ai though. So well, I guess I'll just wait to the next chapter ^^
Like I said and always will.
Is worth the waiting ^^
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YESSSSSSSSs!!!!!!!!!!
I'm soooooooooooooooooo HAPPY you updated! And it's a happy with capital letters and neon flashing lights XD
I'm positively down in the dumps for some time now and I realized only MM fics can get me kinda upbeat again =(
Hmmm positively down in the dumps...it doesn't make sense does it? ^^;
Anyhoo, I find cookies and cream really cute names for big fluffy and adorable mascots. And as soon as our heroine said rei-cream, I knew Reina was her friend.
I'm sorry about going ewww in my mind when I read about Reina and her Chinese girlfriend. I guess I'm just not really into a Reina-Jun pairing? GOMENE!!! But a Reina-Lin pairing would be really weird >_<
It's really amazing how you managed to portray Eri in such a manner which slips her into her character so easily. I'm not sure how to explain this, but I can really see Eri as ERI, you know? Gah, I'm blabbering =.=" And I'm super hyped that she made the first move to see Cookie again.
Now, for my guess on who's Cookie. I thought it was Ai from your first part, but that opinion has changed. Currently, I think it's Sayumi.. I can imagine your eyebrows rising and you going "Really? Why is that?" Am I close? XDDD Well, I guess it's due to how it seemed that Cookie has been observing Eri for some time. To the point that even Reina knows about her crush on the girl. And for some reason, Sayu is the only one I could see doing that. Watching Eri while at work in her suit. Not in a creepy way, but in a longing way.
Thus, I guess (and hope) that this will turn out to be a KameShige fic. I can't wait to know if I'm right *hyperventilates* =P
I read your comment on my blog and I replied... I don't know how you found it since I don't really publicize having a blog =X But thank you for your really sweet and nice comment. I didn't ever think anyone would appreciate what I wrote. Have a good weekend yeah? =D
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I'm sorry for posting another time when I should edit my previous comment. But it isn't easy posting on a phone. It doesn't allow me to go to the end of that post and...*senseless ramble*
The reason why I'm so agitated now is cuz... THIS ISN'T KAMESHIGE BUT AIERI!!! *bawls*
Cuz well, I don't think Sayumi is an extreme rides lover and Ai... well... SHE IS!!! *gasp*
Okay, now that I've let out that outburst, I'm gonna go hide in my hole again and cry =(
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YAY AN UPDATE (even if it's not secret admirer lol)
To be honest, I skipped out on the fairytale story since I was all like, "PFFT THIS ISNT SECRET ADMIRER!" [insert blatant scoffing and ignoring here]
But then I decided to give it a chance because an update from bee is an update damnit so I'll read it!
So i went back and read part 1. needless to say, but you made me eat my words and your words once again turn me into a puddle of goop <3 It was sweet and you captured Eri's goofball charm perfectly! I wish I could draw because I had the most wonderful scenario playing in my head while reading it xD Ah well~
PART 2:
OMGAH COOKIE & CREAM. OMFG I seriously read that and ran to the market to get some cookies & cream ice cream LOL
ANYWHO~ Reina was mega-LOL status here xD IDK if you purposefully made her come off as a bitchy perfectionist, i-hate-my-job character, but either way i think a lot of people see her this way in real life anyway ahah her trolling added some comedic relief. loved the junjun hint lol
And i think we can all tell who cookie is~ it's kind of adorable <33
no pressure to update fairytale + secret admirer or anything but..I might just dig a ditch and jump in if i see no updates T__T
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Bee i hate chuuuuuu :cry: Cookies & Cream? Really?! You HAD to remind me of my craving for ice cream when I'm staying away from sweets :angry:
Though unlikely I was hoping Cookie would be Reina simply to satisfy my TanaKame biasness. But since Reina is most likely with Jun (eww double eww)...perhaps Ai? But you'll probablely put Sayumi lol
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Thank you to everybody who left a comment above for fairytale --- I'll respond to them before I post the next chapter of that. :wub:
I think everybody knows what this post is going to be about xDDD
Last year, I was heartbroken over Eri’s departure and simply not prepared for it, and so my (KameShige) one-shot just before her graduation was probably too much on the angsty side.
Tonight, we have Ai-chan graduating, and though for me it’s a sad occasion (mostly ‘coz I’ll miss TakaGaki like heck), I really look forward to it (to seeing it I mean >__>). I know this period is meant to be a celebration of everything Ai-chan’s achieved and a warm farewell, but I started planning this one-shot last year, before her graduation announcements. So it’s not so much about Ai-chan as it is about… TakaGaki. ^^; I had to change quite a lot of the plan to fit in the graduation scenario but hopefully it’s changed for the better. And sorry, it's really rushed and messy because I only got it finished tonight ;___;
It’s always been about Ai-chan, and there’s no doubt that with this graduation, it’s the case even more so. I’ve already done my fair share of Ai-chan (+Guy-chan xD) fangirling, so I’m going to take this chance to level the playing field a little and show my appreciation of Gaki-san. She’s been at service for a long time now, and she’s such a fantastic, hardworking and loving member, and I think it’s fair to say that she’s never quite received the amount of love and respect that she deserves. This is my thanks to both Gaki-san and Ai for everything they’ve achieved thus far, my best wishes to the bean on becoming leader, my congratulations to Ai, and my love for the eternally wonderful AiGaki. :wub: :wub: :wub:
(Little other note: I’ve injected A LOT of my own thoughts/feelings into this; in no way am I trying to accurately capture what the girls really feel… but I have a feeling some of it’s legitimate. To some extent. xD I also took some actual stuff from hammy’s TakaGaki posts and inserted it here too :heart:)
We already have a super heartbreaking post-grad songfic from hammy… omygah that was.. ;____; This is the alternate version of that, the version where there are no regrets.
(I have yet to read caiyunki's! OMG it better be happier! :w00t:)
Anyway... please enjoy! :love:
Viva TakaGaki! :bow: :deco: :heart:
Sublime Subleader
At the beginning, I was adamant that it would be Risa and me fronting the group – the last two Gokkies. Somehow and somewhere along the way, that person, that second frontwoman came in the form of Tanaka Reina. I never have complained, nor have I ever doubted her for a second – Reina is feisty and ambitious and she’s certainly got the goods to back it up. She’s superbly made for the frontlines.
But Risa? When will her time come then? When I’m gone? When I’m gone…
When I’m gone, Reina will still be leading. Not as the leader, but she’ll be leading, nonetheless. And then that spot that I’m leaving behind, which I want nothing more than to assign Risa (can leaders leave a last will? I’ll have to see into that…), will most likely be filled by some other shoes. Sayu? Riho? I mean… Riho? She’s a little firecracker, that one. And there’s still so much she has to show of herself, to offer.
When Eri, Jun Jun and Lin Lin left, I was looking forward to being able to brush shoulders with Risa during shoots. But the next instant, up popped little Riho... and once again, my fellow Gokkie was pushed that much further away. To say the least, I was taken aback. Fair enough, the 9th generation members need their share of promotion, but so quickly and brazenly like that?
My stomach curls a little when I think back on it all, back to those uneasy moments when we were informed of the single arrangements, from line distribution to positioning in photoshoots. I wasn’t sure what she thought about that, our subleader, but if she’d had any qualms about it, she did more than a good job of hiding them.
I wanted to talk to her about it. Actually, I’ve wanted to talk to her about all this since years and years ago, when I was thrust to the front and she left to hang from behind.
My friend of 10 years, someone I’ve watched working so hard in the same amount of time, has really earned herself some of that limelight. She has 10 years of hard work under her belt – surely she deserves that centre position. I’ve always wanted her to have that happiness.
I thought she’d be getting it, I really did. I know how diligent Risa is, how much bubbling talent she has yet to share.
The logic stands that winners can be choosers, right?
Wrong… she hasn’t had much say in the way things are run, even though Risa has always been a winner to me.
I wonder. Is she happy being on the sidelines? A sidekick rather than a main star? It’s a topic that’s too sensitive for me to even look at, let alone hear anything from her on it.
And in some strange, roundabout way, I want to apologise to her. For all these years. For the popularity I’ve inadvertently garnered for myself, for the attention I haven’t always been able to share with her the way I’ve wanted to.
I’m often told that I’m the ultimate triple threat of talent: the singing, the dancing, the acting. I admit that I’m never satisfied with myself unless I pull out all stops, and a lot of the time even that’s not good enough.
But when she sings, I never want her to stop. When she dances, I want to be closer. When she smiles, I can’t look anywhere else.
I heard from the Rokkies that some fans think of me as a hamster, always missing from DVD and backstage commentaries, as though I’m running away. Admittedly, part of the reason is that sometimes I just don’t know what to say or do (and honestly can’t be bothered to make up something interesting!). But like I said, that’s only part of it; if management demands that I partake in these subsidiary activities and show my face more often, I wouldn’t complain, I’d do it. But mercifully, they’re a little more lax about these lesser, informal things. So if I can, I avoid them completely; if I can’t, I’ll make up something quick and get the hell away. It’s one of the rarer opportunities for me to remove myself and allow the other girls to bask a bit more in the attention. It makes me feel less guilty.
And besides, she’s a lovely talker, Risa. As long as she and the other girls are getting more screen time, I’m happy.
I think about all the photoshoots and lineups and I realise once again, with something sinking inside me like a sack of bricks, that Risa is behind me, Risa is two, three bodies away. I have the biggest urge to step out of line, march over to her (as a statement to the authorities), grab her wrist and pull her back, to me, to my side. She belongs next to me.
It’s long been a fantasy, and I’m painfully conscious of the very little time I have left to see this fantasy through. But during our photoshoot lineup for my last single and I’m actually really considering it, I turn my head to catch Risa’s look – and I see her. In all her beaming radiance. I tell myself maybe she’s happy where she is… I don’t need to raise my voice here, I don’t need to bring attention to this issue that maybe only I’m fabricating in this crazy, little overthinking head of mine.
Her smile, it tames me. It puts to rest some of my uneasiness. I don’t have the heart to interfere with anything anymore.
“Takahashi-san,” one of the crew members call when my moment of distraction is prolonged.
“Hai! Sumimasen!”
I think about the life that stretches out before me, the boundless possibilities. And without Morning Musume it seems all a little too foreign and inexplicably lonesome.
I’m leaving Morning Musume.
I’m leaving this home I’ve built for myself… the family that I’ve made. Maybe it’s a little dramatic to put it that way; maybe it’s not really a farewell, perhaps it’s more of an I-can’t-wait-to-see-you-later.
The members scatter noisily come the first film break for the day. Risa saunters over from behind and, without a word, slips her arms around my neck, murmuring contentedly as she snuggles up. I can tell right away she knows what I’m thinking.
Well, maybe she doesn’t know what I’m thinking exactly, it would be embarrassing if she really does, but she knows that I’m thinking too much.
Angling my neck so that I can better see her, I find myself looking into strikingly warm eyes, a complete set along with that signature smile that can remedy all pains and discomforts.
This isn’t an easy period for her either. She’s set to become the last Gokkie standing here, and declared leader of not just Morning Musume, but all of Hello! Project. She needs as much reassurance as I do.
I lift my hands and place them on her arms. I smile back at her. It’s all I can give for now.
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
It’s quiet in the dressing room – the others haven’t arrived yet.
It’s just Ai and Risa. They’d decided that since it was their last concert together as Morning Musume members, they’d savour every little moment, take whatever they could. That, and they needed to quickly go over new proceedings for the night and ensure once again that they could coordinate everything.
Having arrived hours before schedule, they’ve sat themselves down at the centre table, getting by the tension with attempts at small talk.
A wave of sick nausea is already rising within Ai, similar to what she’d experienced last night before bed as her she’d tried to comprehend what was to come. Under the table her legs have turned into jelly; she tests them, and they seem unable to bear any weight. She feels hot, as though she were developing a sunburn under the collar. And she can’t stop licking her lips.
“Ai-chan,” Risa calls out for the second time. “Earth to Ai-chan! Let’s quickly go over our notes now, okay? Then, when the others come, we’ll run it by them all.”
“Ahh… un.” Nodding once, Ai reaches into her bag, feeling around for her notes. After a moment of fruitlessly fishing around for them, she holds her bag up and dumps its entire contents onto the table. They’re not there. Both hands spring to her head. “EHHHHHH?!?! I forgot them?!”
Ai shoots to her feet, the sharp motion sending her chair toppling backwards onto the floor in a noisy clatter.
She’d been in such a daze before arriving here that she’d actually forgotten her notes!
“Ai-chan, calm down!”
“I-I have to go look for another copy…”
“Mou, Ai-chan…”
“I know! Do you think they have a printer here?"
“Let’s not–”
“Or I can ask to have it sent to me and I can read it with my phone.”
“Oi, hopeless leader!” Risa yells, face crinkled in annoyance. “Listen to me for a second. No need to worry, I have an extra copy of your notes here with me.” She picks up her bag from the floor, digs through it for a second before pulling out a set of notes, which she slides it across the table, to the other end where Ai is standing stock still.
“Thank me later,” Risa says.
Ai doesn’t pick it up, doesn’t even move.
Realising that Ai is peculiarly fixed on her, Risa snaps her fingers. “Hello?”
The next instant, Risa is tackled by Ai in a mammoth hug, one that propels her backward in the chair with a laugh of surprise and elation.
Ai’s sitting on Risa’s lap now, burying her grin in Risa’s shoulder, feeling the bean’s arms reach up around her own, familiar laughter in her ear. They rock back and forth, squeezing each other tightly.
“You know, Ai-chan,” Risa begins, trying to claim back her limbs but Ai continues to cling on, rocking. “It’s not like we need to go over these notes in any case. We know exactly what’s going to happen this evening. You’re going to have the best graduation ever.”
“As I’ve always thought,” Ai says, with a smile she can hardly contain. “You’re my wonderful subleader, after all.”
Risa mirrors the smile and teases, “It’s a little hard not to be when you have a leader as hopeless as Ai-chan.”
Ai pulls back from Risa, pouting, but refuses to break the embrace. With one hand released, she waves it dismissively in front of the bean’s face. “Chigau, chigau!” They share a laugh.
A moment of silence slips in. They’re looking into each other’s eyes, too close. Ai’s still sitting on Risa and hopes to God none of the other members come crashing in to catch them in such a compromising position. Sure they’ve done this in front of the others before, but with them alone now, it feels infinitely intimate. The longer the moment stretches, the more she’s conscious of her heart beating in her chest though, so Ai slips off of Risa’s lap, sits down in the seat next to her.
Risa clears her throat. “In reality though… I couldn’t have asked for a better leader.”
Ai makes a face. “You’re just saying that.”
“No, really.”
“How many times have we been through this? The both of us have been under the care of much more competent people. And you know me, and I’m not cut to be a leader.”
“In your own special way, Ai-chan, you’ve been great leader. You might be hopeless, but it’s endearing, and you might be a little soft on the members, but I love that you lead by example. I don’t think you have any idea how much the others look up to you,” Risa says, watching as the older girl’s eyes begin to mist over, just as expected. “And I love that under your care, the group’s become such a tight unit. I admit, when Yoshizawa-san graduated, I was really worried. I thought it was unfair… and I wondered if you were ready to take on such a large responsibility. And when Yoshizawa-san left, that was the end of the Morning Musume that I’d known, that I had grown up admiring. Sure, the road’s been a little bouncy for us all since, but the group under your care has earned my love even more endlessly. It’s because of you.”
“It’s because of us,” Ai butts in, heart thump-thumping in her ears as she emphasises the ‘us’ in her correction, reaching over to whack Risa across the shoulder. Her hand falls down the next instant though, slipping comfortably into Risa’s to give it a squeeze, which the bean Risa returns with interest.
“These years… have you been happy?”
Risa arches both brows high into her forehead at the sudden question. “Of course I have been!”
Ai smiles. She probably really has been overreacting for Risa over the years.
“Why the sudden question?”
“I was afraid that I haven’t been doing enough for you… you’ve always been there for me. Whenever I needed it – you know, to comfort me or encourage me. I can’t say I’ve been able to do the same for you. Gomen ne?”
Flashing Ai a look, Risa snickers. “What’s this? This isn’t like you.”
“I just wanted to let you know.”
“This isn’t the end, Ai-chan,” the bean says in a low, firm voice, firing her a suspicious look, as if reprimanding her for even thinking it. This time, she squeezes Ai’s hand.
“I know it isn’t. But I’ve told you before, haven’t I? So it won’t hurt either of us for me to say it again. Because there’s Gaki-san, that’s why I’m here.”
“Okay, okay, feelings received, loud and clear.” Risa begins patting her friend’s forehead. “I think I know what else you’re trying to say,” Risa says, grinning. “Morning Musume was a dream back then, and it’s still a dream to be a part of it now. I’m a lucky one. And I’m happy as long as I’m here, front, behind or centre. It doesn’t matter.”
“…Really?” Ai says.
“Really… although I always like it when I’m next to you…”
Ai pretends to swoon, but she’s feeling the blush, oh boy she’s feeling it, like it’s about to melt off her face.
“And you, Ai-chan?” Risa looks at her, eyes glittering sincerely.
“Eh?”
“What about you? Have you… been happy?”
Ai nods once, gives an ‘un’ as a smile splits across her features. She lifts a hand to Risa’s face, uses a thumb to brush back and forth over Risa’s brow and chuckles when the bean grimaces and tilts her head away.
“I’m sorry, but we might as well start right here and now. Soon you’re going to have to play with your own brows…”
After the both of them are done laughing, the older girl’s face drops into a little solemn expression. Risa catches on right away.
“No doubt about it, we’ve all had our own ups and downs. But you don’t have anything to worry about, Ai-chan. I’m going to be leader soon and I’ll continue to take care of them. I’ll continue to fight for our beloved Morning Musume...”
Ai frowns and her lips part in preparation to protest, so Risa quickly interjects, “I’ll fight for myself too. I promise. I want you to graduate today without any worries.”
“… Thank you.”
There’s a moment of silence as they bask in each other’s pleasant companionship. It’s so comforting, this silence… the both of them wish all silences could be as enjoyable.
“So this is it, huh?” Ai says quietly.
Risa nods. “This… this is really it. Can you believe it?”
“No… it’s all a little unreal right now.”
“But it must be exciting on some level, right? Imagine yourself waking up tomorrow and not having to be tugged from meetings to shows to rehearsals!”
While looking around the room, the two girls fall into a deep talk of nostalgia. They talk about anything and everything that’s happened, condensed all their experiences into minute moments in time, to cherish and talk about in voices wavering with emotion. They even manage to straighten out some misunderstandings neither had the guts to confront at the time.
How Ai had cried non-stop when she’d found out that she was to become leader, unable to stop howling, “I’m going to ruin Morning Musume!” and how Risa had spent the night comforting her. And that time when Ai had been assigned a lot of lines to sing; she was convinced it was because she’d been trying really hard and it was paying off – and so she had ended up telling Risa (with the best intentions) that the girl needed to try harder too, which resulted in a very, very livid bean.
After the heated conversation, Risa feels accountable for allowing Ai to be this distracted, and her being the source of distraction, no less. But they’ve come along this far already, and the notes to be studied seem so trifling.
“Ai-chan.”
“Hmm?”
“I know that I’m meant to give you a graduation message at the end of the concert… and I’ve already given you half of it with my you’re-a-great-leader speech just earlier... but obviously, the time that we’re given there is not going to be enough. I’ll have things to tell you that I’ll want only you to hear.”
“Ehhhh,” Ai says, eyes widening. “Do I really have to listen to this now?”
“Ai-channn. I’m about to pour my heart out for you here. Can you at least lend me an ear?” Risa says, glowering, but there’s still a hint of amusement in her expression.
“The graduation portion isn’t enough?” Ai questions.
Risa sighs. “There are some things I’d only want you to hear… but fine, if you’d rather the rest of the world know too, and therefore diminishing the intimacy and worth of my words…”
“Ii yo, ii yo,” Ai says hurriedly, giving Risa a push in the arm. “I get it, I’ll listen.”
“You’ve kind of ruined the mood now.” Risa grumbles, turning away from Ai with a huff and a sullen crossing of her arms.
“Gaki-san…” Ai says, with a bit of a pout. She sits there, hands on lap, looking extra attentive to the bean with her large, guileless eyes, and of course, Risa’s resolve is no match for that.
“It’s just… I don’t want to be a crying mess before the concert’s even started,” Ai says quietly.
“But really listen, okay?”
“Okay…”
“The truth is I’m scared. No matter how much I’ve been preparing myself for a Morning Musume without you, I can only try so hard. But here we are… and here is where we’re going to have to let you go. I’m the last Gokkie standing and I’m scared…”
“I’m scared too!” Ai interrupts, with a little chuckle of disbelief, as though Risa’s words are only just solidifying things. She tightens her hold on the bean’s hand.
Risa smiles meekly and nods once. “But Ai-chan, I’m not just scared for myself.” The bean eyes her friend warily. “Will you really be okay on your own?” Then, unexpectedly, she begins to tear up. “Actually, I’m scared of you not needing me any more…”
In a spurt of raucous laughter, Ai brings her subleader into a cuddle. “Nani yo, Gaki-san. The concert hasn’t even started and you’re already like this.”
“…But at the same time, you need to go. There’s still so much for you to do out there, and I can’t wait to see you do all of it. I’m going to stay strong so that you can stay strong too. So no matter what heights you reach in all that life you have yet to live… I’ll continue to support you. Always, Ai-chan, as your subleader.”
Risa is grinning at Ai, eyes bright and twinkling, but the tears are there, mirroring the ones already trailing down Ai’s cheeks. It’s such a maddeningly infectious thing, that smile, and the older girl’s mind blanks for a moment before she thinks how close they are, how pretty Risa is and how soft her lips look.
It’s suddenly the most fitting, most effortless thing in the world to fall into her arms, to cup Risa’s face in her hands and kiss her.
Risa’s lips are soft. The rest of her body under Ai is stiff with shock, but her lips are soft, and the older girl can’t bring herself to stop as she continues to kiss the bean. Slowly, lingeringly.
Finally, she pulls away. Risa is staring at her, lips parted and dewy with her taste.
Ai wrenches her eyes from the bean’s mouth and meets her stunned gaze as steadily as she can. Risa looks like she can’t understand what’s just happened. Neither can Ai, and nobody says a thing.
The silence stretches, agonising, like an embarrassingly bad joke’s just been told and they’re now sitting dumbfounded in the aftermath. Both of them had thoroughly prepared for the emotional ordeal tonight, but neither had prepared for a kiss. And not just a Sayu-on-Ai kiss either… a kiss kiss.
Ai swallows the lump forming in her throat. “Alrighty,” she says, licking her lips. “Hm. That’s all. I’ll just, um, go ahead and, um, yeah–” Ai begins to clamber off Risa’s lap.
"Ai-chan," Risa says unsteadily, "baka."
***
The celebrations continue to rock backstage; in light of the brilliant success of the tour, in tribute to the countless achievements of their leader. There’s not a hint of sadness in the atmosphere, they’re all doing their best to make it a festive occasion.
The Kyukkis have entered a deadly elated mode; highly strung, running around and making noise. There’s Reina, and there’s Aika too, one of the first people Ai wraps up in a hug the moment they leave the spotlight for the last time tonight. Then there’s Sayumi, unusually feverish, who continues to coo “Oooo, something’s happened, something’s happened!” as she looks pointedly at Ai and Risa and their swelling love. That girl has always been unnervingly observant.
Ai feels the love from her friends, her precious group members. Everyone’s jamming together, arms strung around each other, singing songs and chorusing a string of Morning Musume songs (Ai’s favourites), meting out praises and congratulatory exclamations. She lets the rapture of it all fill her heart, feels herself soaring. She drinks it all in, this moment, gets that tickling feeling in her chest and marvels quietly to herself: This is what happiness feels like.
She starts to cry.
She’d survived the last 10 (bloody crazy) years. How, she’d never know for sure, but she has an inkling or two.
Ai reaches out absentmindedly, closes her hand around familiar fingers, ignoring the look of surprise on her darling bean’s face as she entwines their fingers.
The others are teary and exhausted and there’s the distinct whiff of after-concert sweat hanging muskily in the air, but they’re all running on pure adrenaline now, there’s an incandescent glow to every face. There’s noise and there’s more noise, the gleefully riotous kind, arms and elbows waving everywhere, bodies begin bouncing until she can’t tell one person from the next.
Amidst it all, Ai smiles at her girl, a little shyly in light of all the revelations of tonight, earning that sunshine smile in return.
Ai-chan… baka.
Risa had cupped her face, had pulled her in for another kiss. Risa hadn’t pushed her away.
It isn’t so much the graduation that’s overwhelming her now, it’s… it’s her, and it’s Risa. Had they liked each other all along? Or was this simply a desperate bonding of convenience, of being afraid to be apart after all these years together?
But none of that really matters. All she knows at this point are her feelings for Risa, how strong they are. How much Ai wants her to know…
It’s too loud to speak right now and be heard over the din, but she doesn’t have to.
My sublime subleader, she says, with her eyes. I love you.
The next moment she realises she’s being swept along by members and staff alike, all hugging and cheering and her hand is forcibly pulled away, fingers slipping from Risa’s. For a moment she panics and scrabbles at air. When she realises that it’s okay and that they’re all just carrying her along, she begins to laugh.
Somewhere in the mess and ruckus of arms and legs and bodies thrown together, Ai reaches out intuitively and finds one hand to slip back into, holds on tight. She’s being shepherded away and can’t see the owner of the hand. But she knows it’s Risa’s, knows the familiar shape of Risa’s palm and fingers and knows how they feel against hers, how warm they are, how right.
The past month or so have been about lasts. Last single, last PV, last TV show, last live… painfully, one after another.
Finally, finally, a first.
With Risa, Ai celebrates her first love.
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I had actually wrote something previously but my com had decided to go crazy on me and erased what i had written previously, which made me go -.- . hahaha
After reading the reports from the concert, things went real bad for me. the whole of this week was tough to pass by. but your fic had triggered a little smile within me. I want to believe that AiGaki will still continue their wonderful friendship, even if the graduation had separated the two of them away. From one episode of Yorosen, where they were asked to write a letter to their own self in 10 years time, Gakisan's letter really made me very sad. And it made sense with Ai-chan's graduation message she gave today. . .
I like your the last sentence of the fic. It gives hope. And for the fact that Gakisan was arguing for aichan's attention to listen to what she has to say was :heart:
Thank you for the fic! :)
Mine, was a disaster though. hope you did not carry too much hope in it. hehehe
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You did it! :)
It woulda been a whole lot sadder if you heard what Aichan said to Gakisan at the concert. But I like this happy angst.
I owe you something- and it will be paid in more than full, I promise.
:deco: :deco: this is me. huggling you in public.
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oh my god bee-chan, i wake up expecting emoness alraround( and thankfully that hasnt happened full force yet XD) but DAMN! you made that in a rush?! that would've takken me days to write!
i love how takagaki started off with trying to be responsible with notes and how ai-chan spazzed about her missing notes XD it was way to cute how responsible reliable risa just slides the notes over lol im like that with one of my guy friends XD whenever he foregets someones name or something i just say it for him cus im so used to it lol
i felt all of the emotions in this one and all of those huggles and snuggles and even that 1st kiss~!!! oh my ghad it was all so perfect! :luvluv2: :luvluv1: and then even after the concert i had to giggle about sayu's bunny senses tingling about the two of them XD
there was one point that made me really relate to how risa felt was how worried she was for herself and for ai. for me when i graduated highschool i was like "wth am i going to do now? i wont be able to see the friends that have been with me for 7 yrs 5 days a week anymore..." and of course i worried about them too, and i still have a bit of thoughts now that i'm in college, but its like when i read that it hit me so hard :panic:...DANG IT BEE!!! XD y u give me to many emotions that i cant handle?! :bleed eyes:and eventhough ai-chan's had done alot of lasts, there's always going to be many 1ts for her in this new path for her.
gah i'd write more but my mind's emotionally blank and i think you've made me reply to something more than i ever had before XD so congrats lol and yet again i bow to you that you could do this long and this descripively beautiful peice in such a short time :bow: :deco: good job
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I'm sitting at school right now crying thinking about Ai-chan ;____; wahhhh Ai-chan </3 ><
Wow I love it Bee-san <3 like a lot. It's hard to say what I like the most about it, it's all so... so... :panic: I can't describe it :sweatdrop: It's really nice to know that people feel the exact same way about this that I do. (at least I assume you feel the same, since you said it's mostly your own thoughts and feelings~)
Ok I better stop crying I think people are starting to get creeped out xDD;;
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This is it! I CAN'T GO ON T__T
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Your writing sure is truly amazing, you know that? :wriggly: So beautiful and touching, Ai-chan's and Gaki-san's feelings were conveyed in very natural way :luvluv2: It's so sad to see Ai-chan leaving :on speedy: Be strong Gaki-san!!! :cry: Sorry I couldn-t make a more sensible comment, my brain is overloaded with sadness...
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(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y214/gracthemusical/Bee-CookieBalloonsSky.jpg)
This was my favorite part in the whole story and I felt I just needed to draw it.
:heart:
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But Risa? When will her time come then? When I’m gone? When I’m gone…
This is much too depressing! *cries* And you say I write sad stuff. *blows nose*
My stomach curls a little when I think back on it all, back to those uneasy moments when we were informed of the single arrangements, from line distribution to positioning in photoshoots. I wasn’t sure what she thought about that, our subleader, but if she’d had any qualms about it, she did more than a good job of hiding them.
My stomach did too. And my heart sorta got squeezed. It's unfair isn't it? But Gaki took it all in her stride. She is awesome like that. Really makes me admire her so so much.
It’s one of the rarer opportunities for me to remove myself and allow the other girls to bask a bit more in the attention. It makes me feel less guilty.
I never thought of it this way. I always assumed Ai shunned away from the camera simply because she didn't know what to say. But now, you've provided me with a different view and it could be true.
It's wrong for me to comment on yours and Cai's fics in one go. Because reading your awesome but incredibly touching fics back to back makes me break down! *is a sobbing mess*
Risa with the back up copy is something I can totally see. I'm almost certain it has happened on several occasions.
The kiss scene made me feel slightly better. Just slightly though cuz I'm still insanely upset =(
This is what happiness feels like.
I'm glad they managed to feel something happy.
I salute you for ending with hope. It's a first for them and it's sweet that this first is their love for each other.
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A Cookie break for Bee, who is working hard completing her assignment. Take it easy sometimes and always remember that you love what you do, just like Cookie.
Come back soon.
(http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y214/gracthemusical/Bee-CookieBreak1.jpg)
(yes, the sunglasses- for those of us who cannot draw eyes)
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oh! new story and didn't know :O
Bee should had told me about it xD (even though is TakaGaki ¬¬') but you know I read everything you write lol
and a little sad that is not Secret Admired or A modern Day Fairytale :( I mean, no pressure but I do miss those SO much :P
Anyway about Sublime Subleader .... wow! that was great, really.
So sweet, actually not so sad, not sure how to say it ... reassurance, and so TanaGaki xD I mean, the way the interact with each others and such, i could totally picture all that happened ^^
I really like it ^^
(but then again since Eri left I don't care enough and decided to destroy my feelings and now with Ai gone, i'm just dead inside xD) god! that was so emo u.u' forget about that xD just remember the part when I say I really liked and enjoyed Sublime Subleader even though is TakaGaki and my comment doesn't actually show my love xD :nervous .... now give some more A Modern Day Fairytale :P or Secret Admired ...... or whatever you feel like write xD
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Update soon!
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Fairytale Part 2 comments:
@KirikomoriHime: Well, what makes you say that? :roll: lol... you'll find out soon enough. The poster should be a dead giveaway. xD Thanks for the comment!
@Steph: YossiEri is cute, c'mon... :P I honestly think Eri X Anybody is cute, because she's so cute she just makes up for everything :wub:
Yes, you do like theories. And speaking of them, you need to explain some more of your AiEri ones to me. Where've you been? Haven't caught you online in a while! ;____;
LOL. You know who it is, you can admit it already =P She does love her job, and you'll find out a little more about that as you read on I guess. :)
Hahaaaa.. if Steph's the kind to really hit her boss, then okay. Cookie-san not so. XD
I'm glad you find Cookie cute? Heheee, more cuteness to come when we see more CookieXEri in the following chapters. :3
One of the few JunRei fans too loool... I'm not sure if I have enough time to add more JunJun, but we'll see. xD
This chapter hopefully satisfies a bit of your curiosity - thank you as always for being so patient and loving a reader. *hugs* :heart:
@hammy: Positively down in the dumps sure does make sense (positively taken as 'certainly' here xD), but yes, a bit of an oxymoron you've got there. xD Awwwww. It makes me happy to see that you enjoy my updates that much. I don't think I've been given a happy with capital letters and neon flashing lights before. :P
I hope this chapter can lift your mood. :heart:
It took me a bit of thinking-time to come up with all the mascot names. There's still a few more to be revealed, as you'll see when you keep reading. ^__^
LOL. Hey, I didn't mention JunJun at all, and I wonder if I'll even get the time to - so feel free to imagine whoever you want as Reina's Chinese gf. Hebe. Lol (I've obviously been reading your blog) =P
Aww I'm glad Eri comes across as Eri, I wouldn't want it any other way :heart:
You chose Sayu at first - why's that? xD Hehee, fair enough assumption, but then...
;___; I'm sorry that you picked up on that clue and you didn't seem very happy about it, lol. I'll really try to write CookieXEri in such a way that you can accept and cheer them on. :) Thank you for your lovely comment! :love:
@kjchan: :lol: Fair enough - fairytales can be really cheesy, and contrasted with secret admirer... xD And yes - I update so rarely I think it would be worth it to read any update hehe :thumbsup
Awwww, thank you! I'm very happy to have been able to hook you in with this too. xD I shall continue to goof Eri up if that is what you wish. Hey, I wonder if you've actually read the next part already.. XD
I wish I could draw because I had the most wonderful scenario playing in my head while reading it
;____; I wanna seeeeee....
Hahahahaaaa.. I didn't mean to troll Reina at all - though I'm not as big a fan of hers, I do love the character quirks she can bring to any H!P story. I thought it would be nice to have her in fic to balance out the cuteness a little. lol XD glad you liked her.. and the junjun hint :deco:
You can tell? Are you sure? :P Yeah, it is adorable. :oops:
I hope you haven't been in the ditch too long, update soon coming soon! Thanks a lot for your comment! :wub:
@baddie: Sorrrrryyy.. :cry: I'm not too big on ice-cream, so it didn't really affect me and lol... sorry for not doing Tanakame either. And why does everybody think JunRei is ewww? I think they're adorable!
As for your guesses, you've got somebody, yes. xD Thanks for commenting! :)
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Sublime Subleader comments:
@caiyunki: ;_________;
AiGaki WILL continue their wonderful friendship. I think we can tell already, since Ai-chan left they're still pretty tight, aren't they? But I do have to say, of course it's not the same and it probably won't ever be. Ai-chan leaving was pretty tough yeah, but personally I still don't think it was as tough as seeing Eri leave. We still see a lot of Ai-chan. Eri, on the other hand, disappeared. :cry:
That episode of Yorosen always makes me cry. Gaki-san's feelings were so strong about them all being together for years and years to come. When Eri and Ai have left (her best buddies), I can't imagine what she must've been feeling. *sobs*
I'll take this opportunity to thank you for all the writing you've shared with us again, and it's a real thought to know that I could lighten you up a little with the one-shot.
And how the hell was your fic a disaster?! :bleed eyes: It was so damned lovely and bittersweet! :heart:
Thanks for your comment! :heart:
@grac: Of course I'd heard what Ai-chan said to Gaki at the concert... *forever crying* ;____; I'm glad you liked it! :heart:
Awwwwww - you're always supporting me and giving me cute drawings and now grac huggling me in public? :cry: :cry: :cry: :deco: :deco: :deco: thanks grac, you're a sweetheart :heart:
@waiwai: Ahhhh, no - I didn't write the WHOLE thing in a rush >__< lol I had all the basic dialogue and actions written down, it was just the decorating with description and fleshing out and editing that I did in the last few hours before Ai graduated ;_____; I wished you'd written something for the occasion! :(
Responsible Gaki IS so darned cute and I totally love how you get that! XD Hehee, I'd need a responsible friend to keep me in order too, I'm a bit all over the place myself :nervous
I love TakaGaki fangirls. :wub: :wub: You guys rock and then some xD The first kiss was incredibly fun to write, so I'm happy you pointed that out, and Sayu's bunny senses tingling too, hehe - she's made a few TakaGaki observations before, hasn't she? ^__^
That's life isn't it - it happened for me at the end of elementary school, then highschool - now university. ;_____; But life moves on and people come and go. There are a few people though who I'd hold onto forever. I hope Ai-chan and Gaki-san find that each other. :love: hehee.. if I'm emotional then the fic's emotional.. I hope it's been a good thing though. :) I can't wait to see many more of Ai-chan's firsts!
You've written plenty, you didn't have to worry about trying to squeeze in more XD waiwai kawaiiii :heart: yay for long comments though hehe. Thank you for enjoying it so much, it means a lot that you could express that to me. :wub:
@KirikomoriHime: Awwwww *hugs* Ai-chan's such a heartbreaker, isn't she? xD Thanks! I'm glad you loved it, even though you can't describe what about it was appealing lol - of course I feel the same way! It's hard to know exactly what the girls think/feel themselves, so I had to put a lot of myself into it. How have you been doing since that comment? ^__^ Hope you've been feeling better and still supporting Ai-chan all the way! :heart: Thank you~
@kjchan: LIAR. xD Last time I saw you, you were headed off for a jog... :lol:
@Bamtai: No, I didn't know that so thanks for telling me! :cry: *eternal self-doubter* I really put into it as much as I could and I'm glad it's come across to you. Yes, it's sad to see Ai-chan leaving - and the both of them should stay strong - so far, so good, don't you think? :P
And that's absolutely okay, at the very least you left a comment and that's more than enough! :love:
@grac: I love you :heart: And I will have you know, that Cookie & balloons drawing has been my phone's lock screen wallie for a loooong time. xD THANK YOU for the Cookie break drawing too - lol, it's so awesome it inspired me to write about it :deco:
@hammy: Awwww - that's nowhere as depressing as yours though! You really broke me with your version :k-sad: I was honestly worried about Gaki-san being pushed to the back though. I mean she's had at least *a little* limelight thanks to being Ai's wingwoman, you know what I mean? With Ai-chan gone, I hope she still finds plenty of moments to shine. :heart:
Gaki-san is so awesome I'm not even going to start XD Along with Kaorin & Kei-chan I think she's been completely underrated. Disliked for all the wrong reasons too. So yes, UNFAIR!
Hmmm, it just hit me that Ai-chan would shun away from the cameras for such a reason - I read somewhere (can't remember where now ;__;) that Ai-chan said Morning Musume needs to progress, and that was one of the reasons why she decided to graduate? Knowing how shy and humble she can be, I've always wondered what she thought about being the obvious 'star' of the group. Did she ever feel a little guilty for taking up so much of the spotlight? Knowing others like Sayu and JunLin who made it no secret that they wanted it really badly? We know that Ai-chan can certainly carry herself when thrust in front of a camera, no problem. But why was she always being so elusive backstage? ... so yah, I just took it from there :P
Neither cai's nor mine was as sad as yours, what are you crying about, baka! *whacks* lol
Thank you for your comment - I'm glad you liked it, even though you really weren't in the mood to :love: :deco:
@Steph: Sorry, I didn't feel obliged to let you know 'coz you'd probably be disappointed that I wasn't continuing with the fairytale :sweatdrop: that's why you should check back every so often? =P
but then again since Eri left I don't care enough and decided to destroy my feelings and now with Ai gone, i'm just dead inside
Why would you say something like that? You're going to make me cry ;______; You can fangirl them forever. Even a year on since Eri graduated and has been doing next to nothing, I'm still fangirling her! Very hard! :lol:
That's okay. I understand. It means a lot that you'd enjoy my stories even though they're not AiEri. Really, thank you - I really appreciate it :deco:
Fairy tale coming soon, so I hope you enjoy it :wub:
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And yes. I have been reading all your updates guys and I'll leave my thanks and comments soon. Thanks everybody! :deco:
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(http://img339.imageshack.us/img339/5596/amoderndayfairytale.jpg)
Theme Song: Anchor by Mindy Gledhill (this song reminds me so badly of a merry-go-round!!!)
(or any Mindy Gledhill song, really - thanks grac! :love:)
If you still don't know who Cookie is, please have a close look at the poster. :P
A Modern Day Fairytale
P A R T T H R E E
If somebody’s to ask me what I love most about her, I don’t think I’d hesitate. Her eyes. Second only to that smile, of course. Even if I’d only ever seen her up close once before – three years ago, the day I first found myself drifting miserably from one end of the park to the other, caged in a smelly bear suit I was sure I’d take home to burn later that night.
It had been my first day working at the amusement park. Sullen and ungrateful I’d been, though I knew better. I blamed (and still blame) my negativity at the time on having had a pretty crappy week. Running away from home, and, in my time of desperation, discovering that the people who I thought I could trust were nothing more than fair-weather friends. Needless to say, I was feeling rather guarded and apathetic – certainly not the best state to be in first day on the job.
Yaguchi-san wouldn’t have any of it though. At her (very loud) request, I tried feebly to put a cap on my nonchalance. She was the veteran mascot back then, had people falling all about her in adoration. She was a walking ball of pure gravity. I thought maybe since all was in good hands, I could afford to sit back a little, mull over my own personal situation.
A job at this amusement park as a bear mascot? Really? Couldn’t Hideaki-san have found me something better to do? I could only imagine it as a short-term gig, something to get me back on my feet. As they say, beggars can’t be choosers.
Still, when I did try to reach out to someone and offer a bit more of myself, they’d angle sharply away and join the always sizeable Yaguchi crowd. Some people, I noted huffily, were even tripping over themselves in their efforts to get away from me. After a while of this, I had to wonder if my rather rotten mood had somehow birthed a cloud of toxic flies above my head.
Lunch break couldn’t have arrived more slowly and I’d escaped to a secluded area a ways behind the Ferris wheel attraction, bear head lying idly at my feet and sunnies whipped out.
The swish of grass underfoot caught my attention and I turned my head to see Yaguchi-san approaching sans bear suit. She was tiny, smaller than me, even. She made herself comfortable beside me on the stone bench.
“I know you’ve had a hard week and this is your first day,” she started, hooking a finger around a frame leg and tugging the sunglasses off me. “It’s not going to get any easier unless you put more into this. I’m asking you to put more into this. Cookie is a new mascot, and of course she’s all yours. But you need to sell her to the public, otherwise it’s back to the drawing board and you’ll be forced to try on as many characters as it takes ‘til you establish a durable enough reputation for one of them. You think I’ve always been Cupcake?” Yaguchi-san jabbed a thumb at her name badge, pulled a face and flapped a dismissive hand. “Nahhhh. Before her, I went through Custard and Caramel. Was on the verge of losing my sanity but a few people latched onto Cupcake and off she went. Haven’t looked back since.”
“I’m trying,” I mumbled, feeling my jaw tighten as I tried to look anywhere but at my senpai, whose tiny build couldn’t possibly contain her larger than life personality. “But it’s hard.”
“I know it is. If you can’t do it now, you’re just going to have to fake it until you make it.” Yaguchi-san flashed her pearly whites and clapped my shoulder. “You’re a good kid.” Her eyes trailed to the top of my head. “Even though your shocking hair and attitude suggest otherwise.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not normally this troublesome. I promise to get my act together and do better.”
She still seemed transfixed on my hair.
“This? I needed a new start, so I just felt like getting it cut and bleached. I’m sorry. I’ll dye it with a more appropriate colour and let it grow out properly.”
“Mmm. What? Sorry. When we get back on the job, just try reaching out as best you can, okay?”
“Okay.”
I wasn’t convinced. Yaguchi-san wasn’t either. She seemed to have reached the point where standing back and letting me quietly rot in my little bubble was no longer an option. Honestly, I just wanted to cry a little and thank her for her kindness. I’d been aching all week to be cared for. But when I opened my mouth I couldn’t summon the words in time and the moment passed.
She gave me a sharp, warning look. “I want you to really mean it this time.”
So I did. At least, I tried.
There I was, shaking a little, because this time I was going to put my heart into it and any form of rejection that followed was a guaranteed spirit-sinker, right to the bottom of my stinking suit.
A group of teenagers happened to be walking by. Highschool girls in school uniform. It was my perfect chance – cutie highschool girls wouldn’t be able to turn down a nice gesture from a cutie mascot like myself, right?
Drawing in a deep breath, I reached out, balloon strings in hand. But as they passed, my paw was brushed away with polished indifference. Without even a look, a grunt of acknowledgement or apology that would’ve made things somehow more bearable, they pushed me away, immersed in light banter amongst themselves.
I stood frozen, felt cement seep into and harden every one of my joints. My heart sank. That’s it, I thought. The whole week had been a dreadful blur of dealing with the same mistreatment, of people ignoring and abandoning me, and quite frankly, I’d had enough.
I was turning to leave, storm off, whatever the hell my temper would bring me to when I spotted her. One of the girls who had been travelling in the group stopped and signalled for her friends to go on. Then she came back.
Trotting the last few feet, she eased to a stop before me. She bowed at a slight angle, raising upturned palms in front of her. I think I took a step back. Having been rejected for nearly the whole day, this extremely alien sight of her asking to be tended to had me grappling for a mental (and physical) foothold. I was simply unable to grasp her request, until she was forced to reach out and wiggle a finger at the balloons themselves.
I handed her a balloon. She took it from me, flashing me the cutest, toothiest smile I’d ever seen, her eyes shrinking into two lovely crescent moons.
“Ganbatte, Kuma-san!” she cheered with an animated fist-pump, then swivelled clumsily on her heel to run in the (wrong) direction after her friends. After a moment she slinked back into view, laughed sheepishly at her little stumble before taking flight in the right direction towards the entrance. Before she left through the entry, she turned back briefly to wave at me.
I didn’t wave back. Couldn’t. I was strangely paralysed, caught in every way. It wasn’t until a while later that the emotional aftershock finally kicked in and I had to blink away my stupor and try not to stare after her dumbly.
Something strange had begun to stir inside me. In the bear suit, my body felt flushed and tingly all over, like I’d slipped into a skin of fizzy heat. Sapped of bone and muscle, I managed to stagger back a few steps before my legs collapsed and I dropped straight to the ground, onto a cushioned butt.
I sat there for a while. I don’t remember what I was thinking exactly, or if I was thinking at all, just that somewhere in my head I knew something REALLY GOOD had happened and it was taking some time to process.
I remember sitting lost and swallowed by a forest of scurrying legs, my mind no longer tethered to me as it drifted off to join the rest of the balloons floating against the sea sky streaked by wisps of fairy floss clouds, balloons that had slipped from my paw the moment I hit the ground.
I sat there until Cupcake came along and forcefully yanked me to my feet by the elbow.
“What’s this, a boycott already?!”
I wouldn’t be gaining any favours from Yaguchi-san for a while.
It didn’t matter though. I’d found something new to hold onto.
Whoever she was, she’d given me strength. It would’ve been so easy just to sink back into the depression threatening to engulf me. But every time I felt ill or unenthusiastic, all I needed was to think of her words and her smile and those striking crescent-moon eyes, and everything would be okay again. That was how I got through the first few days anyway – riding on the words of a complete stranger.
Sometimes, when the park was relatively quiet and I was finding myself kicking stray leaves for fun, I’d try to recreate the whole scene in my head: my movements, her movements, our connection, every little thing down to the very last detail. I sweated over the extraneous bits too: the weather, the exact spot of concrete I’d been standing on, how far she’d been standing from me, how many balloons I was holding, what colours, in which hand.
In my head, Eri too, her face and her expressions. I tried desperately to salvage what little I could. But as the days passed and I continued to struggle with visualising the whole scene so that I wouldn’t forget, her face was beginning to fade. She’d been so whimsical and disarming and while my feelings in response to that continued to burn, the more tangible aspects of our encounter had become a blur.
Two weeks into the job, she became a bit more than a stranger. Lady Luck must’ve been working some of that magic on me that late afternoon while I’d waited out the rest of the uneventful day in dusty sunlight. I’d decided to get a better view of the sun making its descent, to appreciate the beauty of the sky splashed with glowing red and orange. When I got close to the bus stop, I picked up the squealing voice first. Then, as my eyes raked over the figure of the uniform-clad girl who the voice belonged to, I could tell, just from her profile. It was the girl – Eri.
Sunset appreciation forgotten, I ran, with my figurative bear tail between my legs, all the way back to the park.
The next morning, thanks to a conscious effort to check, I noticed her there again. After a whole week of seeing her there every morning and afternoon, I’d had no trouble piecing it together – the bus stop there was her main point of departure to and arrival from school. There came a point when I’d inadvertently imprinted her schedule in my head – the exact time she needed to be there (needed to be, because she often wasn’t), the exact time she came back.
I always felt a little bad – felt almost like a stalker. But I chalked it down to being an admirer, nothing more. What scared me a little though was how infatuated I was with the idea that I knew this girl. She almost felt as real to me as a friend.
In the three years that have passed, I’ve learnt a lot about her.
I know that her favourite colour is orange. She hates being alone and doesn’t function well when she is, drawing into her shell and becoming timid. But in group situations, she thrives. She’s definitely not a morning person, always sluggish. But come afternoon and she turns into a hyperactive kid, especially noticeable on the occasion when she hangs about the stop with a few other friends. She must’ve been a part of the badminton club at school too, I’d seen her prepped in her gear every Friday morning. She’s a university student now, but as always, she’s usually late in the mornings on all days but Wednesday. As to why Wednesday, it took me a long time to figure out.
Wednesday was the only day of the week that I’d noticed a certain other girl there – the tall one with the short blonde hair and the extremely cool aura about her. I also noted, quite reluctantly, how Eri seemed drawn to this girl. At the beginning, she was always getting close, and then closer, but at the last moment never seemed able to muster the courage to talk to the mystery blonde.
The end of the second year of watching Eri marked a pivotal moment: in what appeared to be a final effort from her before the transition from highschool to college, she finally approached the girl. Though my breath had faltered, it didn’t surprise me, the way they held hands as they got off the bus that afternoon. I should’ve been happy for her. But the same girl who’d given me so much that fateful day, she felt well and truly gone.
Third year, I didn’t watch her as much. For obvious reasons. I’d also long become an inimitable asset to the mascot team, and saw Yaguchi-san moving on to bigger and better things (i.e. tall and hunky boyfriend).
Eri had sure spent a lot of time with her girlfriend the first few months of their blooming relationship. But lately, no more. And she’s been waiting. Stomach-flipping amounts of waiting.
Last night was a particularly gut-wrenching episode – Eri looking at her phone every fifteen minutes as bus after bus came and left and she continued to sit out there in the cold, looking edgy, helpless, and at points, almost as though she were in tears. I couldn’t watch anymore.
But now… another dilemma has reared its ugly head.
“Then tonight, you’ll go see Eri. And you’ll do it as yourself, not Cookie. How about that?”
Reina’s helped me to come to the realisation again, as I do every time, that I can’t do anything about this.
I’m stuck with Cookie. Sometimes, I really believe I am Cookie. I wouldn’t have been able to approach Eri otherwise. With this mask over my head, I have the confidence to do and say things I’d never be able to as myself. All my fears and insecurities are boxed away the moment I slip into my costume. In my bear getup, I’m a completely new person. I’m not afraid, I’ve never been hurt. I only know how to smile. I can pretend.
Sometimes, I’m so swept up in my pretense that it’s a jarring, painful process in itself coming back to Earth, taking off the bear head and shedding the bear body to realise once again that I’m nobody.
It’s thrilling, this side of myself that I find through being Cookie, but disheartening at the same time. Because Cookie is the better person, she’s the one everyone else is taken by. Kids and adults alike don’t chase after me and line up to take pictures with me. Cookie wins, hands down. I wish I could be more like her – spontaneous, bold, cheeky. You’d think that after three years of personating this alter ego, I’d maybe have picked up a few things, transferred a few personality ticks. Nada.
I make my way towards the bus stop, overhead floodlights being the only illumination. Already my throat’s a little thick, my mouth dry.
There’s quite a stretch of ground left to cover before I reach the bus stop, but something’s been brought to my attention: a movement in the corner of eye.
Eri-hime’s not-so-sneakily sneaking up on me. I’d have been able to spot her hunched form from a mile away, even with my restricted peripheral vision.
She pounces, and even that is clunkily executed.
“BOO!”
For the sake of her amusement, I feign shock, stamping both paws over my chest. Her laughter tinkling in my ears sets my heart racing.
“That’s for scaring me yesterday,” she says, face bright with glee. “We’re even now.”
Don’t break out into a sweat, don’t break out into a sweat. I repeat the mantra to myself, willing my body to maintain composure and avoid becoming the haywire wreck it feels a bear claw away from.
She really is a sight up close.
“A-actually we’re not, Eri-hime.”
A quick glance from head to toe confirms what I’d been suspecting: one big bear scarf is missing.
Eri doesn’t seem to have noticed. I can see her brain still ticking.
“You… why did you ask me to come here in the first place?” I offer.
For a moment she’s blank, then it finally clicks and her face rotates through a reel of emotions. “Ahhhh! Ahh!” Her head snaps from side to side, she looks behind her, above her, below her, between her, as though the scarf’s bound to magically appear if she keeps searching. “Ummmm…”
“You forgot to bring it?”
Catching her bottom lip between her teeth, Eri grabs a fistful of hair and looks around in obvious embarrassment, finally nodding once and allowing her gaze to drop away. “I don’t know how I could forget.” She turns worried eyes up at me. “Cookie-san, gomen. You came all the way out here and all you got was a horrible scare.”
Despite the urge to rush forward, wrap my bear arms around her and whisk her away and home with me, I keep my feet planted and my arms locked to my sides.
“Eri-hime, please don’t blame yourself,” I press on. “It’s nothing that Cookie can’t survive. But what am I going to do now? Without my scarf, I… the thought of having to sleep through another terribly cold night…”
“I…” her voice wavers.
For another moment, I just soak in the sight of her.
This bear suit really does come in handy sometimes – specially so when I find myself staring long and hard at somebody, as I do now with Eri, without the fear of feeling awkward.
“How about I make it up to you?”
She smiles.
I press a paw to my chest, needing desperately to suppress the swelling. I can feel my heart. Boom, ba-boom, ba-boom, in my ears, right through my thick bear chest. My whole body is made of heart.
Then there’s a conversation going on, but I’m strangely removed from it, a fly on the wall, there but somehow not really there, as though I were merely spying on Eri and Cookie talking.
I can tell, even before the night ends – it’s the start of something special.
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SAVE THIS SPOT SAVE THIS SPOT SAVE THIS SPOT SAVE THIS SPOT OMG OMG OMGOMG OMG CRYING BRB
First off, those banners are so megadorable that i cant even stop squealing <3 props to whomever <3
She was a walking ball of pure gravity
Perfect description of the guuch <3
She still seemed transfixed on my hair.
“This? I needed a new start, so I just felt like getting it cut and bleached. I’m sorry. I’ll dye it with a more appropriate colour and let it grow out properly.”
“Mmm. What? Sorry. When we get back on the job, just try reaching out as best you can, okay?”
I think that's what we were all thinking at the time as well xD though i do miss her dirty blonde boy hair =[ *dreamy sigh*
Drawing in a deep breath, I reached out, balloon strings in hand. But as they passed, my paw was brushed away with polished indifference. Without even a look, a grunt of acknowledgement or apology that would’ve made things somehow more bearable, they pushed me away, immersed in light banter amongst themselves.
Not even gonna lie xD I would totally be one of those snotty girls :nervous
Then she came back.
\o/
“Ganbatte, Kuma-san!” she cheered with an animated fist-pump, then swivelled clumsily on her heel to run in the (wrong) direction after her friends. After a moment she slinked back into view, laughed sheepishly at her little stumble before taking flight in the right direction towards the entrance. Before she left through the entry, she turned back briefly to wave at me.
KAWAII K.O. :heart:
In my head, Eri too, her face and her expressions. I tried desperately to salvage what little I could. But as the days passed and I continued to struggle with visualising the whole scene so that I wouldn’t forget, her face was beginning to fade. She’d been so whimsical and disarming and while my feelings in response to that continued to burn, the more tangible aspects of our encounter had become a blur.
bah i know the feeling LOL without trying to sound like a total creeper of course xD it's hard to remember someone that you barely even met to begin with!!
I always felt a little bad – felt almost like a stalker. But I chalked it down to being an admirer, nothing more.
STALKER KUMA-AI :shocked:
In the three years that have passed, I’ve learnt a lot about her....
Not stalker-ish at all :lol:
I’m stuck with Cookie. Sometimes, I really believe I am Cookie. I wouldn’t have been able to approach Eri otherwise. With this mask over my head, I have the confidence to do and say things I’d never be able to as myself. All my fears and insecurities are boxed away the moment I slip into my costume. In my bear getup, I’m a completely new person. I’m not afraid, I’ve never been hurt. I only know how to smile. I can pretend.
Sometimes, I’m so swept up in my pretense that it’s a jarring, painful process in itself coming back to Earth, taking off the bear head and shedding the bear body to realise once again that I’m nobody.
God, someone get this girl a shot of Ego with a side order of confidence, ne?
She turns worried eyes up at me. “Cookie-san, gomen. You came all the way out here and all you got was a horrible scare.”
If cuteness could kill...
I can tell, even before the night ends – it’s the start of something special.
I LIKE SPECIAL THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :love:
RABIDLY AWAITING YOUR NEXT UPDATE <33333
and secret admirer *cough* *cough* *cough*....
....*cough* *cough*....*choke*...*wheeze*....*RUNS FRANTICALLY AWAY* :panic:
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^someone's happy, lol.
So we get a bit of back story to the person behind the Cookie... I wonder at the runaway part.... I wonder at a few things...
This was quite short, though insightful.
I still want some Secret Admirer....
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Eri-hime... It's been so long since I've heard anyone called her princess. Brings back memories. I miss Eri and happy birthday to the turtle.
I love how descriptive you are when you write. I can totally visualize everything happening. Although AiEri isnt my favorite Eri pairing, I can accept it because you are the author =)
I'm quite takenaback that Eri would initiate something. But I'm guessing this is the start of a new friendship between her and Cookie. And though Cookie's behavior of watching a customer so closely when she didn't know her seems somewhat stalkerish, it is still sweet in a way.
I can't wait to know what happens next. Thank you for an amazing update. And like rnd, I also longing for Secret Admirer =P
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yay! new chapter~! :D and it's AMDF double yay!! ^^
OK, first of all, i'm sorry it took me so long to comment u.u' i'm really sorry but I was really happy when I found out you already wrote it and post it ^^
So it's AiEri after all!! :shocked OMG! I didn't know ........... ok I totally knew all the way even before chap. 1 XD
This chapter is sooo sweet specially the end ^^
If somebody’s to ask me what I love most about her, I don’t think I’d hesitate. Her eyes. Second only to that smile, of course.
Such a cute way to start. And yeah I totally agree here, although first is her eyes, that smile too .... can we have two #1 here :lol:
aaww negative Ai, just like me. I can totally related except for the fact that ... she run away from home :O poor Ai-chan :'(
Ah Yaguchi-sempai always there as a father figure for the little ones :)
"I just felt like getting it cut and bleached. I’m sorry. I’ll dye it with a more appropriate colour and let it grow out properly"
Please do Ai-chan. I was never a fan of that hair style o.0 .... although I have to admit she did look good (but then again Ai looks good on anything)
Drawing in a deep breath, I reached out, balloon strings in hand. But as they passed, my paw was brushed away with polished indifference. Without even a look, a grunt of acknowledgement or apology that would’ve made things somehow more bearable, they pushed me away, immersed in light banter amongst themselves.
aaw don't take it personal Kuma-san, i'm not going to lie, it totally suck when people do that. I used to do almost the same as Kumai-san except it was fliers, people can be really rude sometimes ¬¬*
I was turning to leave, storm off, whatever the hell my temper would bring me to when I spotted her. One of the girls who had been travelling in the group stopped and signalled for her friends to go on. Then she came back.
haha i'm surprise but not so much, knowing Eri woul be dying to have a balloon (I'd too :P)
this extremely alien sight of her asking to be tended to had me grappling for a mental (and physical) foothold
:rofl: and that's just a little bit of what a Erien she really is xD
I handed her a balloon. She took it from me, flashing me the cutest, toothiest smile I’d ever seen, her eyes shrinking into two lovely crescent moons.
“Ganbatte, Kuma-san!”
Aaaawwwww~ :heart:
definition of cute right there :P
then swivelled clumsily on her heel to run in the (wrong) direction after her friends. After a moment she slinked back into view, laughed sheepishly at her little stumble before taking flight in the right direction towards the entrance.
:rofl: so... Eri
Can't blame Kumai-san's reaction after that. It's amazing how a single person can make so much impact and turn around your whole world :heart:
I’d try to recreate the whole scene in my head: my movements, her movements, our connection, every little thing down to the very last detail. I sweated over the extraneous bits too: the weather, the exact spot of concrete I’d been standing on, how far she’d been standing from me, how many balloons I was holding, what colours, in which hand.
there are not enough hearts for this :heart: :heart: :heart:
I always felt a little bad – felt almost like a stalker.
yeha ... almost XD
In the three years that have passed, I’ve learnt a lot about her.
Not a stalker at all!!!!
Wednesday was the only day of the week that I’d noticed a certain other girl there – the tall one with the short blonde hair and the extremely cool aura about her. I also noted, quite reluctantly, how Eri seemed drawn to this girl. At the beginning, she was always getting close, and then closer, but at the last moment never seemed able to muster the courage to talk to the mystery blonde.
Ok, i gotta be honest. I'm still getting used to this YossiexEri thing going on. This should be interesting in the future if there's more into the relation (is going to be more of their relation?)
Eri-hime!! :wub:
“I don’t know how I could forget.”
XD i'm pretty sure you know, after all that's just who you are and don't push it Kumai-san you perfectly know you could also forget about it xD
I can tell, even before the night ends – it’s the start of something special.
:heart: :heart:
See so cute!!
Seriously! Thank you so much for this! ^^
and sorry again for not commenting sooner :sweatdrop:
Looking forward for the next chap. :D
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ah ithink all i've wanted to say has been said so i'll just leave this here as a little modivator for ya bee-chan~ :deco: sorry if they're too big ^^;
(http://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k296/kktomoyo/DSC08004.jpg)
(http://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k296/kktomoyo/DSC08003.jpg)
gah kiwi sucks at drawing ppl in costumes ;3;
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^Thanks for the comments, guys - will respond when I write up the next chapter for fairy tale :deco:
Sorry this is late. =___= For some reason, I had the busiest (but funnest) Xmas ever and couldn't find the time to just sit and write this, even though I was dying to. It's a little rushed and might be extremely corny (I haven't read it properly from beginning to end yet), but I hope everybody can enjoy ;____;
Merry Belated Christmas to everyone! Thanks to waiwai for helping me out with a few ideas here. :love:
This Xmas one-shot is written for and dedicated to hammy (lil_hamz). I owe her for something but she wouldn't let me repay her with a physical gift, so this is for you. Thank you for your kindness and for sharing many things with me. I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it! :heart:
(http://img834.imageshack.us/img834/3297/takagakichristmas4.jpg)
A L L I W A N T F O R C H R I S T M A S
“Merry Christmas, Niigaki-san!” calls out a voice as one very tired and pensive-looking Hello! Project leader teeters up the driveway to her house.
Niigaki Risa halts momentarily to turn to the source of the voice. Her face softens in reflex and she even manages a smile at her 17-year-old teen neighbour, a somewhat tasking smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes, but a smile nevertheless.
The city’s gripped by relentless Christmas fever. Though it’s evening, the streets, dressed in dazzling lights, are still littered with both car and pedestrian traffic. Christmas is everywhere, manifesting nearly on every lawn, around every street intersection, on every passing face.
Still, one person isn’t exactly having a merry Christmas.
“What’s the matter? No date on this special night?” inquires the same teen from a post just outside her house, a few friends chirping away beside her.
Bull’s eye! The vision of an arrow piercing cleanly through her heart flashes through her mind. “Something like that,” Risa says, shrugging in attempt to pass it off casually. She knows she is dealing with a frighteningly shrewd person though, having inevitably conversed with the girl on numerous occasions. She wants to end this conversation and fast. “Merry Christmas, Kamiya-san!”
Then, granting herself the satisfaction of a quiet sigh under her breath, Risa whirls away and heads towards the front door. She sets down her duffle bag. Hesitating, the bean steals a look back over her shoulder. She’s keen to escape into her house and rest her sore body, but then there’s the ache of having to deal with the loneliness of it too.
Ai had to cancel weeks back because the Tokyo final of her Dance of the Vampire play happened to land on Christmas Eve, tonight, and she was obliged to (as she put it) celebrate with some of her co-workers after. Risa hadn’t taken too well to the news, but she had made sure Ai acknowledge that it was because both of them were busy, with Risa’s freshly conferred H!P leader responsibilities and now concert rehearsals being in full swing.
So just earlier she’d spent some time hanging with the group members and thinking to herself how great it was to have them all together, including the Juukies. But before she could invite any of them back to her place to revel in the coming of Christmas, Sayu had ushered (or tricked) her into a taxi (whose taxi driver was suspiciously stubborn not to let her out), then messaged her quickly after that declaring, ‘Leader should head home to have some much-needed time-out and Sayumi will take care of the rest! Hearto hearto hearto’. Damn Sayu and her impudent subleader aspirations!
Then there was her family, who she could always trust to be there when all else failed (yeah right). Last night, they’d upped and left to spend Christmas at the wayward request of some distant relative who Risa isn’t even sure exists. Truly head-scratching stuff. In any case, they’d at least had the decency to check in with her and promised to call again tonight.
She turns back to the door, unblinking, gives it one long, penetrating stare. Maybe… maybe she ought to catch up with Sayu again, or even see what a certain turtle is up to. Or better yet, the two are together right now and it’s the perfect opportunity to bomb on their undoubtedly romantic night (Sayu would empathise with her, right?).
“You should hurry inside and check to see if Santa Claus has left a gift for you!”
The words come across slightly mocking to Risa, and she tsks, snapping back once more to see her young neighbour still watching her with undue diligence. “I’m not so sure about that!” she singsongs back, then says more quietly to herself, “Been breaking a few rules…”
Her thoughts linger back to the evening of September 30th. Tingly warmth wells up like a Christmas song inside, and the bean feels herself split into a smile.
The moment of bliss quickly subsides though, as a pang of cold hits her face and she realises that she’d been so deep in reverie that she’d unconsciously leant forward into the door. She shakes her head, blinking. “Ah-ahh. Ai-chan, why am I not with you right now?”
The idea of spending Christmas alone is just a tad too tragic for Risa’s liking (and her ego, admittedly). She picks up her duffle bag, swings it over a shoulder and turns away from the house.
“You’re leaving?”
Bathed in a giant pool of shadow, Risa quirks a brow. “Yes.”
“But–”
“Kamiya-san, just why are you so interested in what’s happening on this side of the fence?”
The teen falls into silence. The twittering from her Christmas companions die down.
“We’re fans!” pipes up one of the friends. Heated whispering and flurried slapping ensue before Kamiya addresses the older girl again, taking a rash step towards her.
“Instead of lugging around your bag, why don’t you leave it at home? Take some time to maybe freshen up your appearance as well. Niigaki-san’s obviously been rehearsing very hard, but you don’t want to let that show tonight...”
How rude! Risa decides not to dignify that with a proper response (the Kamiya teenager, however, does not seem privy to the hostile scowl thrown her way on account of above mentioned giant pool of shadow) and in a huff of indignation, marches back to her house.
Once she’s spent long enough fumbling with her house keys and the door’s finally slammed shut behind her, she releases the storm churning inside: “WHO THE HELL DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?!”
Deep down, Risa knows her resentment stems more from the fact that she’s not with Ai than anything else, that Ai hadn’t tried harder, that she’d seemed only slightly apologetic that she’d be spending Christmas Eve without the bean. A 17-year-old trying to school her hurt nowhere as much.
With a burst of childishly undirected anger, she lifts her duffle bag to shoulder height, takes a couple of running steps and heaves it across the room.
THUD.
A whimper.
Something isn’t right. The bag had connected solidly with something even before crashing to the floor…
Risa stills, her vision slowly adjusting to take in the warm candlelit glow of her lounge, the twinkling Christmas Tree lights in one corner and finally the crumpled form on the floor next to her couch.
Her heart catches in her throat.
A hesitant step forward, and then another. The candles and the Christmas Tree and every little push throughout the day for her to head home and it’s starting to come together. “GAHsgvvdsananneehhhhhhhHHHHHHHH????!?!” She rushes over to the figure and drops to her knees beside it.
“Ai-chan!”
It really is her! Weak with relief and a little numb, Risa floats somewhere between laughter and tears as she looks dazedly down at her equally dazed girlfriend. The older girl has the bridge of her nose pinched and her other arm slung over her eyes. She groans. “Merry Christmas…”
“Ai-chan, daijoubu? Let me see!” One arm braced around Ai’s neck, Risa grips her wrist, the hand which is clamped firmly over her nose, and timidly the older girl allows her girlfriend to pull it away. Oozy red spills down her front.
“Yabai!” Risa sweeps her eyes about the place. “Stay still,” she orders, grabs a sofa cushion to slide beneath Ai’s head before setting her down carefully. She shoots to her feet. The abrupt forward motion causes her to stumble clumsily, though just before she hits the ground (and ends up as incapacitated as one other), she manages to catch herself with spread palms.
She comes back with wads of tissue and some water. Ai is still lying stunned with pain, now spread-eagled on the floor, looking for all the world wounded and helpless. Her nose is left untouched, thick blood dripping freely and miserably over her lips, dribbling down her chin.
“Gaaaki-saaaaan.” Her voice cracks in agony. “Itaaii.”
At first Risa doesn’t say anything. She only goes about the chore of quickly cleaning Ai up, a little more roughly than she had intended, but still with an air of worry and caring. While Risa cleans, Ai seems to recover somewhat and begins pointing to the dinner table a few feet away, trying to shift Risa’s attention to the food she had spent all morning preparing. It was the first full-scale meal Ai had ever cooked, and her voice takes on a chipper quality as she explains to Risa how she’d had to consult the internet about a thousand times and call her mother every half hour to ensure she was on track. When finally the food had been prepared, she’d gone back to Tokyo to do her last show. Once the show was done, she’d travelled straight back to Risa’s house to finish setting up for the surprise.
Hearing all this, Risa wants to say something but her voice has shrivelled up and she can’t seem to find it. The older girl’s bewildering presence has eclipsed everything; Risa’s eyes can’t leave Ai, she doesn’t want to survey the rest of the house, not even to appreciate at a glance the food the older one had so painstakingly made for her.
Frustrated that Risa won’t give the food any attention, Ai grabs the younger’s jaw and attempts to direct her gaze. The bean stops her with a hand. She helps the older girl slide up and sit back against the couch, glad to note that the nosebleed has stopped.
Risa thinks she’s found something to say, but when her mouth opens, the words lodge in her throat and her mouth snaps shut again.
There’s a moment of what almost seems like a stare-down between mother and child.
Deciding to give up on food, Ai asks, “Did you miss me?”
Risa sidles up to her, cups Ai’s cheeks in both hands, caresses them. She continues to look at the girl in disbelief.
“Are you glad I’m here? Did you think about me all day?”
Risa leans in and presses her lips against Ai’s, firm and insistent, silencing her.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about yo–” Ai begins the moment there is a break to speak, but is promptly interrupted by her girlfriend’s lips again. “Mmmmm, Risa.”
The pressure of the bean’s lips this time is gentle and seeking, and Ai melts into it, responds to it instantly with a soft noise of appreciation. She slides her arms around the younger girl, tangles her hands in her hair and pulls her closer. At that, Risa crushes her lips to Ai’s, deepening the kiss until it’s almost clumsy in its fervour. She pushes her tongue in, can hear the pleasure bubbling in the older girl’s throat as their mouths slide against each other’s, hot and moist. Tilting her head to find another angle and a perhaps a different taste, Risa realises almost immediately when their noses brush too roughly that she’d hurt Ai. Ai yelps, drawing away sharply as a hand springs up to cover her nose.
“Gaki-san!” Ai chides, her face contorted in a half-smile, half-grimace, eyes now brimming with a fresh round of tears.
“Sorry, sorry.” Risa reaches a hand around to rub the back of Ai’s neck in soothing, circular motions. “That looks serious. I think we should go see a doctor.”
“Not now! It’s Christmas! And I don’t think it’s anything serious.” Ai wiggles her nose in demonstration. “The pain will probably go away soon… besides, I kind of have my own doctor here.” She gently taps her nose and raises her chin a smidge, leaning closer to the bean.
Lightly, ever so lightly, Risa kisses the tip of Ai’s nose. “Who knew? That I was getting my own red-nosed reindeer,” she says, chuckling. After a moment’s pause, she adds, “I’ve missed you so much.”
“Obviously, with a kiss like that,” Ai giggles, running feather-light fingertips along the bean’s jaw. “I supposed you needed to do that?”
Risa remains silent this time, just keeps looking at Ai. Her breathing feels wrong, it’s all jerky and light, she can’t still it.
“You’re not talking a lot today,” Ai says, looking slightly concerned. She places the back of her hand against Risa’s forehead, tests her own. “Are you feeling okay?”
Risa bats her hand away. “I… I wasn’t expecting you.”
“That was the plan.” Ai grins. “Probably just the way I was hardly expecting your bag flying 100 miles an hour into my face.”
“I didn’t see you there! Creeping around in the shadows like that. How was anybody supposed to know?”
“Well, next time you decide to pull something like that, please give me some kind of warning in advance.”
“‘Who the hell does she think she is?’ at the top of my lungs not good enough?”
Ai laughs. “… And who were you mad at exactly?”
“Nobody.”
“Was it me?”
Ai looks at her expectantly, waiting for an answer.
Risa breaks eye contact for just a moment to mumble, “Aren’t you supposed to be celebrating with some other co-workers right now?”
Ai hangs her head in an exaggerated look of defeat. “Mouuu, you sound like you don’t want me here…” With a telling grunt of effort, she lifts herself up to her feet, her girlfriend following suit.
“That’s not true!” the bean blurts out quickly, drawing one of Ai’s gloved hands and cradling it with both of hers. “You have no idea how happy I am right now… it’s just… I’m not used to surprises.”
Ai pulls a face. “You think I am?”
“No, judging from the number of concussions I’ve taken to the head from your flying hand.” Risa rolls her eyes. “And wow, I so understand now why you hit people.”
“See? And you’re always saying I’m needlessly violent.”
“But it’s always been me surprising you, hasn’t it? At least, it feels that way.”
“That’s right. Which was why I had to make sure my Gaki-san wouldn’t try to surprise me this time around,” Ai says, mischievous glint in eyes as she nudges Risa with an elbow.
“I don’t think I would’ve been able to even if I tried,” Risa says, sighing. “Concert rehearsals have had an iron leash around my neck. I apologise for not even thinking about surprising you and receiving much-wanted blow to the head.”
Ai reaches out again, rubs a hand up and down the bean’s arm. “You’ve been working hard, haven’t you?” she asks, voice so soft and so lovingly enquiring that Risa feels her eyes well up unexpectedly.
“Unn. The both of us have.”
“Ja~ would you like to hit me right now? For surprising you?”
I think I surprised YOU more, Risa wants to say, but instead she just looks the smiling Ai up and down, for the first time in the night really paying strict attention to her appearance.
A red Christmas outfit quite like nothing she’d ever seen on her girlfriend before. Ai’s slim hips are girdled with a black belt that complements a strapless one-piece dress rimmed with white fluff at the bodice, revealing bare, creamy shoulders and arms. The hem of the dress sits high and bouncy on the her thighs, while her lace top red fishnet stockings are crowned by Christmas bows which match the one sitting at the top of her bodice. A fluffy-rimmed hood and chic red gloves finish off the ero-kawaii look.
After she’s allowed her eyes to wander the length of Ai’s body, stopping to linger in places, a stinging sensation begins behind Risa’s ears. “Seriously? With you looking like that?”
Risa looks down at her own straight-from-practice-jersey-pants-and-hoodie look, feeling slightly more mangy than usual.
“Ah~ What do you think? Dou?” Ai steps back with a flourish. She twirls on her toes, following up with some hip jiggling and a few signature Morning Musume dance moves that Risa hasn’t seen her perform in longest time.
There’s a quietly confident fire in her eyes as she puts herself on show, and when that exquisite smile flowers to life, the bean’s breath almost stalls in her throat.
Not once does Risa take her eyes off her girlfriend. “Wow.” She snakes both arms around an Ai-chan who still hasn’t finished dancing, bringing them closer so as to rest her cheek against Ai’s chest, to snuggle up real tight. She clutches onto Ai with a furious dedication she hopes the older girl can feel. “You’re so wonderful,” Risa murmurs as Ai returns the embrace. And ridiculously sexy. “The best Christmas gift ever.”
The both of them are still young and unseasoned in the game of love, it’s so apparent now as Risa observes the physiological change taking place; her churning stomach, the tingling pulse, how easily she is swept by an absurd and sappy tenderness for this girl as she lifts her head, drives her face right up to Ai’s and rubs her nose affectionately against the older girl’s, her own face scrunching up in adoration when Ai winces at the contact but doesn’t pull away.
This all-consuming, heart-racing kind of love she’d begun to think would never happen for her.
* * *
Graduation night had marked a new phase in life for them, Ai thinks.
She often finds herself carefully constructing fantasies in her head when she can afford the mental workout (like waiting for Risa to come home for her Christmas surprise!): what it would’ve been like if they’d gotten together earlier, what exactly it is about her that Risa likes.
Ai had always thought the bean to be painfully straight. It was part of the reason why some subliminal part of her brain smothered any breath of an idea that went against H!P idol convention – the thought that Risa would be attracted to her, that they could be together. But then again, the bean had argued fiercely (after they got together) that Ai had made a very convincing case of having the hots for (way) older men, so that kind of balanced things out…
Post-graduation and they’d become so suddenly and acutely conscious of every look and every touch, unused to the idea of dating and exactly what it involved, and, most of all, the outlandish notion that the both of them were more than just friends. The last few months since her graduation have been a tumultuous whirlwind of new experiences.
Over the years as Morning Musume members, the looks and the touches had been innocent, sometimes a little more (especially on her own part), but always kept strictly within the realms of friendship. Now, they make love to each other with their eyes first. It’s like the exhilaration Ai gets when she lands in a country for the first time and the strangeness of it all bombards her. With her senses all jumbled and reeling from the impact, it’s a conundrum in itself figuring out how to react, what to do. Risa’s kiss in greeting now, Risa’s voice on the phone, Risa’s smile when she looks at her. Everything is so familiar yet markedly exotic, for the bean now seems so fresh and fascinating (not that she hadn’t before!), a pristine territory to be explored.
One thing has stayed the same though.
Ai’s had many people hold her, but nobody holds her like Risa does – strong, protective, a calm kind of ownership that makes her all melty and weak at the knees. Safe. Out there in the (big, bad) world, and especially so in the entertainment industry, sometimes it feels as though her life is just one, unending schedule of challenges and uncertainties – heaps of fun, but demanding and at times even scary. But back here in Risa’s arms, Ai is safe and truly home.
“What food?” Risa asks again, still wrapped around Ai but straining her neck as she probes the air with a twitching nose. She’s teasing Ai, the older girl can sense it.
“The food I spent all morning preparing and the same food that’s gone cold because you didn’t come home according to schedule.”
“Sorry,” Risa says. “I was dawdling a bit. Didn’t exactly want to come home to an empty house and celebrate Christmas all alone.”
“For almost an hour… while I drained battery playing pocket FF Tactics.”
“I’ve apologised already, haven’t I?” Risa breaks the embrace and moves to the dinner table, looking ready to begin setting up for dinner.
“What are you doing? No, no, no!” Ai catches up to Risa and gives the girl a well-aimed smack on the rear. “You – have a seat.”
When she shows no intention of doing as told, Ai guides the bean by the shoulders to a chair and pushes her down onto it. The moment her eyes settle on the cold food that’s in dire need of heating, Risa springs right back to her feet. A frustrated whine escapes Ai as she stomps back to seat her girlfriend again, this time making sure the girl stayed put.
“Gaki-san, we’re in this together. You’re always taking care of me, so is it so bad that I want to do the same for you? Please depend on me more. Don’t you worry your pretty little head over a thing tonight and let me take care of you.” Ai plants a kiss on her head and picks up several dishes to take with her.
“What should I do then?” Risa asks as the older girl begins bustling about in the kitchen, the clinging and clanging no doubt adding to the bean’s itch to leave her seat and help out.
“Nothing. I’ve got everything under control, leader. Just relax.”
“I can’t do nothing,” Risa complains. She taps her fingers against the edge of the table, restless, for approximately ten seconds. Then her chair scrapes as she pushes it back, ready to defy orders and get back up.
Ai whips around from behind the kitchen counter, points a knife at her. “Stay.”
Risa slowly sits back down.
After half a minute of silence, Ai decides it’s time to begin laying some entertainment on the bean. Thick.
“If you really need to occupy yourself, why don’t you think about what you would like to happen later?” she calls. “Since I’m your gift, things like, when would you like to unwrap me and what you would like to do…”
Risa seizes up, blushing furiously. She glances over to Ai who’s busy heating things up and portioning their meals, ssexy beasting gleefully to herself ‘heh heh heh’, shoulders hunched and the tip of her tongue poking out.
Risa throws an annoyed look at Ai, face still burning up. “Shhhhh! Only a hentai can laugh like that.”
“If that kiss you initiated earlier is any indication, you certainly don’t lose to me in the hentai department.” Ai giggles. “Let’s be hentai together!”
Risa groans into her hands. “Ai-chan, it’s that dress. I think it’s poisoning you.”
Putting down her knife, the older girl’s face brightens. “Are you suggesting I take it off?”
“No!” This time Risa pops out of her seat and rushes to Ai, who looks in serious contemplation of taking her outfit off. “Gifts don’t unwrap themselves, silly,” Risa says, holding back both of the girl’s hands. She pauses, relishing the sight of Ai’s cheeky grin, something she’d never get enough of. “Allow me to do the honours later.”
Their eyes meet. Risa feels another searing flush crawl across her cheeks, but she doesn’t look away. “Let me help you with dinner.”
Ai’s about to refuse, but she presses on. “And stop pointing knives at me. That might be the way you do things around your house, but we’re in my house now and that makes me uncomfortable.”
“Sorry,” Ai says.
“There are other ways to persuade people, you know? Violence doesn’t solve anything, Ai-chan.”
“It makes me feel better!”
Risa flashes her a look.
“Doesn’t solve anything.”
Together, they finish dinner preparations and settle down to eat at the table. A red lamp mounted on a wall nearby casts lukewarm light over them, harmonising with the intimate glow of the two candles sitting centre of the table.
They eat and sip in silence for the most part, perhaps wrestling with their own thoughts. A look here, a smile there (and a constant footsie battle beneath the table) and the meal draws to a close. The food, Japanese cuisine with a hint of western influence, is good for a first attempt. But Risa, much to the older girl’s chagrin, spends too much time sharing cooking tips (Ai doesn’t want to cook any more) so she’s thankful when the home phone starts ringing.
Reluctantly, Risa stops imparting cooking wisdom and darts to the phone a few feet away, puts it on speaker and slips back into her seat.
High-pitched giggling and then a voice rings out: “Konbanwa! Eririn calling~”
“Oh! Kameha, Merry Christmas!”
“Merry Christmas, Gaki-san! And Ai-chan too!”
“Merry Christmas, Eri!”
“Ehhh, she knew you’d be here?” Risa looks over at Ai.
“Everybody knew about Ai-chan’s surprise except you, duh!” Sayu’s voice exclaims from the background. “It was fun playing with you though and knowing that I’ve been doing some good towards the noble AiGaki cause.”
“Tsk. I thought Sayu was being mean and wanted the kouhais all to herself,” Risa remarks.
“That’s rich coming from someone who gets to have Ai-chan in that sexy Christmas dress all to herself…” Sayu bites back. “I expect lots of photos and a detailed report! ... And you’re not wrong in saying that about the kouhais either… itaiiiiiiiiiiii!” Sayu howls and the bunny and turtle begin bickering in the background, something about Sayu giving away too much of her love and not paying Eri enough attention.
“I wish there was video playback too so we could bring out some popcorn and enjoy,” Risa says, and Ai laughs. She looks warmly at her girlfriend. “You went through a lot of trouble to make sure I was going to come home, and to an empty house at that, huh.”
Ai nods and her lips turn up in a small smile. With the two Rokkies squabbling as (not-so-romantic) background music, the two Gokkies share a sweet kiss over the table, soon interrupted by a voice which blasts into the receiver.
“I have to deal with a turtle tantrum now, thanks a lot. Catch you two soon?” Sayu breathes heavily.
“Hai! Merry Christmas, Sayu! Thanks for all your hard work!” Ai-chan calls, her girlfriend quickly echoing the sentiment.
“Merry Christmas! Don’t have too much fun now! We need Gaki-san back in-” A turtle shriek goes off and then the line clicks to an end.
Risa laughs merrily, thinking how adorable her two kouhais are and how she’d love to hang with the both of them again. A part of her continues to wish that Ai-chan hadn’t been so… taken by Lin Lin – not that that had been a bad thing of course – at the time, she was comforted to see Ai had found somebody who shared so many similar interests, someone who just clicked with her. Still, Risa is a little grudging of how well they get along even now, and wonders how much more fun it could’ve been if Ai had been there too, with Risa and the crazy SayuEri pair she so adored and wanted to share with her best friend. Times when the four of them had been together were some of the best times ever.
When Risa climbs out of her trance and peers closely at Ai, she’s surprised to find the older girl’s a little misty-eyed.
“Ai-chan?”
“It’s nothing…”Ai bites down on her lip. “Just hearing them like that... I miss having all the girls around. It sometimes gets a little lonely at work now…”
Bringing her chair with her, Risa drops down next to Ai. “If I’d known I was getting such a moody present, I would’ve asked Santa-san for something else,” she teases, trying to revive their former light-hearted tone. Ai rocks forward, cries a little harder but doesn’t miss delivering a resounding slap to the other’s arm. The bean slides said arm around Ai’s waist and gives her a reassuring squeeze. “C’mon, Ai-chan. You have so many people watching you and cheering you on. You can repay their support by doing your best and being happy, ne?”
The girl manages a weak smile. With an arm snug around her girlfriend’s waist, Risa rests her head on Ai’s shoulder.
“You’re the best, Risa-chan.”
For a long moment, they watch the candlelight flicker, listen to the quiet and breathe in one another’s sweetness.
Something tells Risa to glance down at her Mickey Mouse wristwatch. Ai looks down at it too. They look back up to each other and lock loving gazes.
“Merry Christmas, Ai-chan.”
“Merry Christmas, darling.”
* * *
12:30am, Christmas Morning
Risa asks, “Can I make a request?”
Ai nods. “Anything.”
“Aaaanything?”
Her eyes shrink to slits. “Why am I suddenly feeling uneasy?”
Risa slips on a pleading, puppy look (that not even a gay man can resist).
“Hai hai, anything.”
“Will you perform all of Merry Pink Christmas for me, Ai-Pink?”
“EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The noise emits from Ai in her very sharp, unattractive nasally voice that’s always been so-un-idol of her. “Yada. Haven’t I been tortured enough with that song?”
“You’re in the perfect outfit for it,” Risa says, laughing. “And I want to see you all embarrassed again.”
“You’ll get to see plenty of that if you’d just unwrap me already.”
Ai(-Pink) spends too much of her Christmas morning performing Merry Pink Christmas for a drunkenly happy Niigaki Risa.
* * *
(http://img689.imageshack.us/img689/33/2010hotsalefashionchris.jpg)
Sorry for the photoshop fail. Always my last resort when I can't find a way to bloody superimpose a face. :sweatdrop:
Thanks to waiwai for helping me again. I don't think I'd have found this dress without her! :heart:
ALSO. I'm sure it won't hurt to remind everybody of HOWFRIGGIN'CUTE embarrassed!Ai-Pink is:
わ～MERRYピンX'mas! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQJUUvgz71o#ws)
愛ピンク！！ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JL6uIgcLB7c#ws)
*giddy all over again*
I should be free now. Will catch up with forum properly. :yep:
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I DONT WANT A LOT FOR CHRISTMAS, ^^^^^^^ THIS IS ALL IM ASKING FOR~ *showers with love and affection* there's not enough "thanks" in the world ahha
(brb to read and edit and cry lol)
EDIT: OMGAH~ the plotting bwahahhaha so adorable <3 leave it to sayu~ scheming devil bunny <3 sayueri were megadorbs though! loved that lil sneak peek we got of those two! Miss em loads =[
and so were gaki's annoying neighbors in on this too? i was kind of confused haha but i was probably too busy screeching about how adorable this was instead of paying attention to details xD anywho, glad to see gaki's crummy christmas ended up being all sorts of fan-freakin-tastic ahhaha with an outfit like that, all decked out with a rudolph nose, i wouldn't keep my hands to myself either ahahha I would ask for a sexy time extension *winku~* but my spazzy imagination can suffice for the meantime (*COUGH*WHEREISSECRETADMIRERJKSDFHLKSDHFKSDF*COUGH*)
the way that ai kept hinting in a not-so-subtle way to gaki about being unwrapped ahha makes u think lawd she must've wanted it baddddd aha oh man, my thoughts always go that direction xD
and rofl the ai-pink xD that video will NEVER get old xD risa, you devil you~
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AH~! ITS FINALLY HERE!!!!!!! :panic: :otomerika: :yossi:
lol it was deffinetly worth the wait lol i love how risa is actually able to act all jelly in this story XD she does have a right to lol but still it was cute to see her act childish, expessially when she got all pissy and threw the duffle bag XD plusiwith it hitting ai it felt like karma for all of those yrs she's been beating down risa XD though her poor nose felt most of the wrath XDD
of course the gakimama mode was on full force as soon as ai's nose started bleeding and with ai desperatly trying to get risas attention to the food like a kid it was like they were more of a mama and her child than an actual couple XDDD but alas thats hat happens when you have girlfriends like them i guess? XD
ai-chan's threating knife thing made major lol XD thats how she gets things done her way at her place???? my god im surprised her sister's still alive then XDDD and the present talk was ubber cute! thats one way to show how perverted both of them are lol XD
i'd add more but im like spazzy all over this and im gonna reread it again! XD and your welcome for the help~ :deco: i'm always here if you need it~
ps emberassed ai-pinku is thebest present ever...why can i imagine that after a while she threw a pillow in emberassment or something at drunk risa?? XDDD
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This story is epic. There are so many little things in it that are just... Just so amazing! The tiny details that just define Takagaki. The Ai-violence, the knife waving, footsie under the table, the list goes on. And you bring it all together in such a way that it paints a wonderful picture, including the ending, lol. Gosh, what more can I say to praise this story other than it was worth the lateness!
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Awww that was such a cute x-mas one shot!~ :D I can't believe that everyone but Risa was in on the surprise lol!~ Were the annoying neighbor children instructed to get her in the house? They did a pretty good job pissing Gaki off lol!~
Takahashi fam waves knives around o.O S.C.A.R.Y :O
Lol they're such lovey dovey love birds XD I TOTALLY APPROVE!~ <3
P.S. Lol @ Shige's pervy pedo-ness XD
Loved everything about this! Gonna have to read this a few more times now~ :luvluv1: :byebye:
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This.was.perfect.in.every.way. :bleed eyes:
Just the thought of their ~innocent~ love becoming not so innocent heh heh. Seems like Aichan is dying for Risa to unwrap her :twisted: And so am I... *cough* I mean what?
Waaaah this was too cute. Aichan really want all out to make it special and a surprise for Risa :wub: In that dress and all too~ :inlove:
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Awww thank you. It was really nothing...only you will bother to give something back. And in this case, it's what I love, fics =)
It was sweet how Ai prepared her Xmas surprise for Risa. I was quite shocked when I read how Ai started bleeding. I didn't know to laugh or tear ^^; I don't know how you do it, but you always manage to include little details that I would have never thought of. Like how Risa's neighbour was part of the scheme (but the poor kid got a mental scolding in Gaki's mind for nothing, lol), or KameShige's random phone call =D Thanks for having our little turtle. I miss her so *sniff*
Mickey wristwatch is so cute! Trust you to think that up. And Ai in that suit just makes my imagination run wild too =P And yes, I adore her merry pinku perf that you have so kindly reminded us of. She gets so shy and that's too adorable for words.
Once again, thank you so so much for this fic. I really appreciate it. Ham is so touched. I hope you had a great new year!
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This is that long overdue comment I meant to write and post eons ago.
Before I begin, let me first say that I still love this fic so much and it truly still stands upon the nth read. Beeeee~ please don’t stop just ‘cause I have!
I started writing this whilst sitting in a plastic chair in the middle of Ikea. (I have photoevidence)
I like the flashback storytelling.
It was nice to see what Cookie thought of her job at first and how far she had come.
Some people, I noted huffily, were even tripping over themselves in their efforts to get away from me. After a while of this, I had to wonder if my rather rotten mood had somehow birthed a cloud of toxic flies above my head.
Given how stinky the suit was, I won’t be surprised if there was an actual cloud with flies.
I love how the Gooch seemed to be so into her job. Name badge! Love it.
“Nahhhh. Before her, I went through Custard and Caramel. Was on the verge of losing my sanity but a few people latched onto Cupcake and off she went. Haven’t looked back since.”
Not forgetting, the unfortunate stint as Cup Ramen and the ostracized Corndog. Poor Corndog, all she wanted was to be loved.
I have a greater respect for mascots in general after reading this. I wonder if the mascot community have little support groups and stuff?
After a moment she slinked back into view, laughed sheepishly at her little stumble before taking flight in the right direction towards the entrance.
I loled picturing this. I have always loved Eri’s sense of comic timing and this was portrayed so adorably here.
Something strange had begun to stir inside me. In the bear suit, my body felt flushed and tingly all over, like I’d slipped into a skin of fizzy heat. Sapped of bone and muscle, I managed to stagger back a few steps before my legs collapsed and I dropped straight to the ground, onto a cushioned butt.
This is an incredibly wonderful physical description of falling in love. You do these moments so well, even in SA (*hint hint*)
Love the recursion- Cookie’s attempt to memorize and rehash the moment she met Eri within the story’s context. Lit students in the far-flung future will have a field day with this device.
I most especially love how Cookie gets to know Eri more and more in all that time, much like how WE came to know more about Idol Eri. How we saw her grow from being that timid, shy personality into such a robust character.
And then there is Idol Ai. I like the counterpoint to her idol self, taking on the role of Cookie to the point of believing herself void of a personality of her own. Your description of Ai’s angst over this stayed with me for quite a while, you know? I have long since been a practitioner of “fake it til you make it” and now that I have ‘made it’, in a way- how much of myself has been built on something that did not exist before? I really don’t mean this in an angsty way- it was just an interesting like self-observation triggered by that particular scene you wrote.
Srstalk aside, thisss:
Catching her bottom lip between her teeth, Eri grabs a fistful of hair and looks around in obvious embarrassment, finally nodding once and allowing her gaze to drop away. “I don’t know how I could forget.” She turns worried eyes up at me. “Cookie-san, gomen. You came all the way out here and all you got was a horrible scare.”
Despite the urge to rush forward, wrap my bear arms around her and whisk her away and home with me, I keep my feet planted and my arms locked to my sides.
I know the feeling, Cookie. I really do.
If I remember (in)correctly, you mentioned that this story never meant to last very long. The way you wove the story, I think will resound in me for a long time to come. I really REALLY like this mascot thing. Can’t really explain why. The whimsical feel, the theme of transience (themepark, balloons).
After being away from reading anything fictional for such a long while, it is so heartening to actually find that beauty in the craft of words.
Thank you for writing this. Now that my comment on this is coming to an end, I now remember that Bee is an English teacher and I apologize for any errors you may cringe across. Tired, but so very worth it.
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I noticed this thread creeping lower and lower in the list of fanfiction. Coming out of hiding so I can ask if we/I can hope for an update any time soon?? Really refreshing writing. Thanks!