There is no way for the Ham and Cheese song to live up to its title. None.
I wonder how Tsunku even came up with the idea. Maybe he was trolling 2ch one day during breakfast and saw everyone mocking his songwriting abilities, so he just up and goes, "I'll show them! I'll write something so awesome, yet so off-the-wall, that it'll prove my genius to those wankers!" But he's temporarily out of ideas for a song, so he just starts looking around the room, and sees his breakfast on the table -- a ham and cheese bagel. "That's it!" he goes. "I'll write a song about a ham and cheese bagel!" Then he goes a step further, and decides to give the song to C-ute, who have been riding a hot streak lately and whose sexy image would seem to be at odds with a song about a bagel. Then he goes even further -- he decides to make the song the lead track on C-ute's new album. But no, that still isn't enough to shove it in the face of those 2ch trolls -- that's right, Tsunku decides there will be a mother-f**king-music-video for his song about a ham and cheese bagel.
Satisfied, he sits back in his chair and starts eating the bagel. "Yep," he says, content. "I'm still a god-damned genius."