-
Dear Friends,
My name is DeNight. I'm relatively new to AKB48 fandom. I've been reading many fanfics here as a silent guest readers for a while. The stories were so interesting, they motivated me to write and join the forum. I am basically a DD, but my favorite pairing right now is YuiParu. So, this will be the thread where I plan to post the delusions I turned into fanfics about them. Most would probably be an OS, but who knows what future hold... hehe... So, here is one. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it and... Yoroshiku onegaishimasu :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stories in this thread...
THE QUESTION (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1371960#msg1371960)
THE ANSWER (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1372091#msg1372091)
MANATSU NO DOME MUSING (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1372568#msg1372568)
I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND (1) (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1373222#msg1373222) (2) (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1373677#msg1373677)
THE LIGHTS (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1374928#msg1374928)
MIDNIGHT RIDES (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1375725#msg1375725)
MORNING LIGHT (1) (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1380576#msg1380576) (2) (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1388194#msg1388194) (3) (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1390394#msg1390394) (4) (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1390738#msg1390738) (5) (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1390973#msg1390973) (6) (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1391308#msg1391308) (7) (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1400618#msg1400618) ( 8 ) (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1400857#msg1400857) (9) (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1401182#msg1401182) (10) (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1409489#msg1409489) (11) (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1425449#msg1425449) (12) (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1445831#msg1445831) (13) (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1445910#msg1445910) (14/Final) (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40493.msg1446876#msg1446876)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE QUESTION
“Would you be my girlfriend?”
That was one of the questions I’ve been waiting all my life. The setting was perfect, too: late afternoon when the sun was about to set on the beach. The wind blew my hair away from my face. The sound of the waves was the natural back sound, enough to mess with the rhythm of my beating heart.
He was a really nice person I’ve known since I was little. Stabile job, more than enough income, work hours that would still enable us to have a nice conversation together after a long day—all were perfect to secure a nice simple life full of romance. Good looks, caring and considerate attitude, tender loving—all were perfect to make someone feel wanted and loved each and every day. What more does a woman have to ask for?
But, still, something was missing. Love. Not his, but mine. He was not the person I was in love with all this time. That was the one that’s missing.
The person I loved was someone who would not love me—at least, not in the way that I love the person. The person I loved wouldn’t care about the perfect timing, the perfect place, or the perfect words. But, I was swayed by all your imperfections anyway.
Yes. Yours. I was a fool who threw away the world that was offered to me on a silver plate just to chase a nonexistent future.
“Would you be my girlfriend?”
The second time I heard those words was at the theater, right after our practice ended. Everyone was getting ready to change and go home. I was sitting on the edge of the stage, knowing that the dressing room would still be packed with other members who wanted to finish everything and called it a day as soon as possible. But, I was still there, deep in my thoughts. Because, you were also there, sitting right next to me.
The setting was nowhere near perfect, far from what I’ve been dreaming of since my time in kindergarten. The time was even worse since we both were exhausted after hours of practice. I was literally drenched with sweat and I let it all out, running on my skin, dropping down to the floor. But still, my heart beats were crazier than they ever be. Deafening rhythm went faster and faster with every tick of the seconds. And I know it wasn’t the residue of the practice. I know, because it was you saying the words.
“What would you do if someone says that words to you, Yui?” you continued.
I smiled. Of course. Of course you didn’t just ask me to be yours. Of course you were just asking a hypothetical question—probably wanting my opinion since some ikemen might have just asked you out. It’s probably that actor you had always liked, wasn’t it? Or was it the guy who hosted that one TV show with you?
“Well, actually…,” I decided to tell you the truth, “Someone did say that to me last summer.”
I watched closely for any change in your expression. I watched for any tick in your gesture. How would you react to my revelation?
A second passed before you exclaimed, “Eeeeeee? Really???”
I just laughed.
“Who was it???”
I thought there was a hint of jealousy in your question. But, perhaps, it was just my wishful thinking. Or perhaps, you were actually jealous—because someone confessed to me first before someone did the same to you, and I didn’t tell you anything about it before.
“It’s a S-E-C-R-E-T!” I tried to play it out.
“Eee? Really, Yui? I want to know! So, how did you reply it?”
I smiled again.
“Isn’t it obvious?” it really was an easy answer to make, “I said that I was sorry. We have that prohibition about love and romantic relationship after all.”
“Just like that?”
“Yes. Just like that. What did you expect?” I kept the smile on my lips.
I pushed away from the stage.
“It’s such a waste actually. He really was an ideal man,” I said.
“Eee? Was he an ikemen? Come on, Yui, you should tell me more! I’m curious!” you moved from the stage to catch up with me.
“Nah… It’s a story for another time. Let’s go?”
You were still muttering your protest. I just laughed at your annoyed expression and guided you to the dressing room with my arms around yours. The truth was: I didn’t really want to talk about this with you. I didn’t want to tell you my story just to hear you telling yours afterwards. I didn’t want to know who that guy was—the one that was asking you out. I didn’t want to hear anything about anyone who had a better chance to get your heart—even with the love ban—simply because he was born as a he and I wasn’t.
Yes. I did turn that person down. I said that I love this idol group. I wanted to grow along with it. I wanted to be one of the people who take it to a whole new era. In order to do so, I need to strictly observe the love ban rule. But, the truth was, even though all of those were also true, the real reason was because I am always in love with you.
You’re still here and I’ll still be able to be one of your closest friends as long as I’m still here as well. If one day you finally meet your tall ikemen, fall in love, and graduate, I wonder how I will be. I did say that I’ll probably stay around longer than you. I promised myself to send you off with a smile on my face, just in case it will be the last time we see each other. But, then, when the time comes, when you’re already been married and I have decided to leave this group to the next generation, what will I do when someone ask me that question again?
Whatever happens in the future, I wish for us to be reborn again. In another life, in another time, under different circumstances, I hope I’ll get to be the one who ask you that question:
Would you be my girlfriend?
I wonder how you would respond to my words then…
END.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
I like your story! I was confused whose pov it was at first though haha. Can't wait to read more from you!
-
sequel please ^_^ :wub:
-
OMG so ssad... but.. maybe we need the other POv.. what if she feel the same!!
-
Thank you, Friends. It's really nice to take a break from work, log in, and find encouraging comments from all of you ^-^)
@Yuki88:I do think that I always have a problem regarding PoV while writing a story, lol
@xswordeyesx12: I wonder if I'd be abe to write a sequel about this... But, definitely more YuiParu in the future ^-^)
@Haruko: I really should write Paruru's PoV, shouldn't I ^-^)? I guess, I'll try to do that soon, hehe
-
pls continue the story :cry:
the story is good :)
-
Dear Friends,
Thanks for the kind comments. I'm glad that you like it. I don't know if I can call this a sequel or not. But, I did try to write the story from different PoV. Here it is. Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it ^-^
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE ANSWER
Would you be my girlfriend?
There are times when I was really tempted to say those words. At least, just to test how it would taste on my tongue—or so I tried to convince myself. But, no. Each time I had it on the tip of my tongue, I stopped. It felt wrong. We’re both women after all. It would be weird for me to say that to you. Wouldn’t it?
But, it didn’t stop me from wondering about what answer you would give if only I had the courage to ask. Would you say no? Would you be freaked out by it? Would our friendship turned awkward? Would you stop having meals with me when it’s just the two of us? Or… Is it possible for you to say yes? After all, you did say that you love me, right? I had read it numerous times—on your Google+ posts, your tweets, every interview you had which had questions about me… You even said it to my face a few times. So, it is okay for me to think that you really do love me in that way, right? In the same way that I love you?
No. It’s impossible. You said it to other people, too, after all. You said it to Ricchan, didn’t you? You broke down and cried when you found out that she’s graduating. You were so gloomy for days after that to the point that I wondered whether I, myself alone, was not enough for you…
Didn’t you also say that to Sayanee? And Mariyagi? And Iwata Karen? And Tano Yuka? And a bunch others? I think you had said it to most of the younger girls and some sempai you ever worked with in a team. Well, I guess it can’t be help. You are the soukantoku after all. You need to look after and get along with all of us.
But, many times, I did wonder how you could say it so easily. How could you say you love somebody as if it was nothing? As if it was not embarrassing at all? And why is it so hard for me to say it? Why is it so hard for me to express whatever it is I feel inside? Even when some fans came up to me during the handshake events, asking about us, I could only say that, “I think it’s Yui who loves me, though.” Those fans… They called me a “ponkotsundere” when I gave that answer.
You know, Yui. I know we believe that we know each other best. We know each other really well to the point that sometimes we didn’t even need to say a thing to be understood by the other. I still believe that it’s true. But, in this matter, I don’t think we know what each other think or feel at all. So, when you were quiet and deep in your thoughts, I kept asking myself: should I tell you what I have in mind?
“Would you be my girlfriend?”
I bit my bottom lip right after I finally had the courage to voice that question. It’s actually more like a slip of the tongue than courage. We were just done with practice, exhausted, and were sitting on the edge of the stage, waiting for our turns to use the dressing room. I was just rolling the question around in my head without really meaning to say it out loud. So, when you suddenly turned your head towards me, I tried all I could to normalize the situation.
“What would you do if someone says that words to you, Yui?” was my way to save myself.
You smiled that smile that I always like. There were a few seconds of silence—as if you were contemplating on your answer. When it came, it was nothing like I ever imagined it would be.
“Well, actually…,” you said it slowly, “Someone did say that to me last summer.”
I needed a second to process that answer in my mind. Somehow, I felt like I couldn’t comprehend it at all. In hindsight, I was probably too shocked to comprehend anything you said.
“Eeeeeee? Really???” was the only response I could give to you.
You just laughed.
“Who was it???”
I was genuinely curious… and jealous. Was it jealousy in my voice? If it really was, I hope it went unnoticed.
“It’s a S-E-C-R-E-T!” you said in a playful tone.
“Eee? Really, Yui? I want to know! So, how did you reply it?”
I tried to press you for more information. But, you just smiled. What should I do if you said yes? What would I be able to do?
“Isn’t it obvious?” you said as if I was supposed to know the answer already, “I said that I was sorry. We have that prohibition about love and romantic relationship after all.”
“Just like that?”
Was that a relief that I felt?
“Yes. Just like that. What did you expect?”
You kept the smile on your lips. Then, you pushed away from the stage and started walking away.
“It’s such a waste actually. He really was an ideal man,” You added.
Some invisible hand was gripping my heart. I felt as if my asthma was coming back.
“Eee? Was he an ikemen? Come on, Yui, you should tell me more! I’m curious!”
I moved from the stage to catch up with you, trying to fish more explanation out.
“Nah… It’s a story for another time. Let’s go?”
You linked your arms with mine and guided me to the dressing room. Not knowing, nor noticing, how I regretted voicing those questions to you. How bad I felt after hearing all that. But, I know it wasn’t your fault. I had never been able to convey my feelings properly anyway.
But, that didn’t stop me from hoping that you could really read my mind right then and there. If that’s even possible, I wouldn’t have to say anything and you would just let me know what your answer would be if it was me who asked you that question last summer.
Won’t you tell me, Yui? I want to know.
END.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
Thx For The Update
Aww Yuihan is so cute (๑•̀ㅁ•́๑)✧(๑•̀ㅁ•́๑)✧
-
Awwwwwwwww this hurts maaaaaaaaaaaaannnn seriously. Seeing two people who love each other but don't have the courage to be truthful to their own feelings is sooooo painful. I like this sorta monologue way of storytelling!
-
these two are an idiot! cute but idiots, I love it.. Of course I want htem together so maybe a part 3? if the first one was "the question" and the second was "the aswer" how about the last would be "the conclusion?"
thank you for this!
-
Dear Friends,
Sorry that it took me a while to reply. Glad to know that you like the second one as well. I am actually not really into story where the character's relationship is already established. I tend to like the story about how two people feel attracted to each other and slowly making progress toward their relationship. "Slowly" is the keyword here, lol. So, I think I won't write the conclusion part... Or at least not yet.
Since I saw YuiParu's KinjiFuta video and read this: http://xxxakaskorpion.tumblr.com/post/66989114271/akb48-no-all-night-nippon-170-130830-kawaei (http://xxxakaskorpion.tumblr.com/post/66989114271/akb48-no-all-night-nippon-170-130830-kawaei), I've been wanting to write about the 2013 Summer Dome Concert. Then, a couple days ago, I found this fanfic about it that was written by Kairi65 in 2014: http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=38436.msg1309875#msg1309875 (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=38436.msg1309875#msg1309875)
I really like the story it was so much like what I've been wanting to read. But, then, I still want to write about it as well. So, here it is, my version of the thing.
I guess it can be read as a stand-alone OS fic... Or as a prequel to the previous two stories. Well, I you want to think that it is an AU in which Kawaei graduated before August 2013 and still do ANN radio show even after she graduated, then I guess it can be read as a sequel, too... It's all up to you. I just hope that you like it :hee:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MANATSU NO DOME MUSING
SHIMAZAKI HARUKA’s PoV
“Paruru, you say something, too! You’re doing nothing but listen to us.”
I was kind of spacing out. It was really late after all. The only reason I was still trying hard to stay awake was because we were in charge for the night’s All Night Nippon radio show with Ricchan.
Well, it really wasn’t my fault if I spaced out. I tried so hard to keep my thoughts away from that concert we did last week. But, here you are, talking about it so passionately with Ricchan.
“I have something, but it’s not interesting at all…,” I tried to make you lose your interest.
“Don’t care if it’s not interesting.”
Ah… You really didn’t make it easy for me. I guess there was no way out of that. So, I decided to talk about the only thing that was on my mind since you both started talking about the topic.
“You know, Yui and I did a unit together…,” I drifted away, still trying to make it seemed like I wasn’t interested in talking about it at all.
“Ah, we did.”
“And during that song, there are lines directed to each other, and those were… like… a bit…”
Romantic? Nerve-wrecking? Too close to what I am feeling even until now? I struggled to find the right words to describe it.
“It’s about two girls loving each other.”
Ah, I should have just trusted you with the explanation.
“So, it’s a bit…forbidden.”
Forbidden? Was that the only word you could come up with? Well, I guess that was the best word to choose after all. It was also a part of the song title. Yes. After all, forbidden may be the right words to describe my feelings for you. Even if the whole world changes their minds, it will still be forbidden. After all, you don’t love me, do you?
But, still, it didn’t stop me from hoping that you would choose another word. Giving me more hints about how you felt about our performance together. Giving me more hints about how you felt about me… Even if it’s only about what you felt during that short time on Tokyo Dome stage.
“I really didn’t want to perform it with Yui.”
There, I let you know my real feeling about it. It’s true. I really didn’t want to perform it with you. It was too complicated. Too nerve-wrecking. Too hard for me to concentrate. Which one should I focus on more? My voice? My expression? The choreography? How could I do all those while, at the same time, I had to try really hard to conceal my attraction to you? The song lyrics and the costume you had on did not help at all…
“If you say so, then I didn’t want to do it with you either.”
There was a sudden pain in my heart when I heard you saying that.
“But, it suits you two!”
“Really? Thank you?” you were practically beaming after hearing Ricchan’s opinion.
Yes. Thanks to Ricchan for saying those words. I didn’t know whether she was telling the truth or just trying to make me feel better. But, if she didn’t say that, I really didn’t know how to respond to your statement. I think I knew that it was probably just a reaction to what I said before. But, still…
“So,” I tried to continue just to distract myself from dwelling in the pain, “We did it and in the ending part, during those lines, I laughed a bit.”
“Huh? Really? During such a serious song?” you really didn’t know.
“Yep,” I gave you my affirmation.
“But, that wasn’t captured by the camera,” Ricchan commented and you nodded at her comment.
Of course it was not. It was an ironic laugh after all. Hearing you saying those words with a flat expression reminded me about how ironic the situation was. There I was, wanting you with all my heart, but had to act like I was not. Then, there you were, not having any of the feelings I had, but had to try so hard like you really meant every single word you said.
I made sure to move my face and the microphone away when I could not stifle the laughter any longer. If it was captured by the camera, the fans would go crazy, talking and speculating about the reason behind it for centuries. Over time, people may forget. But, the internet will never do. It will be stored for an eternity in one corner of the cyber universe until one person stumbles upon it again and re-share it with the rest of the world. Being an idol after the invention of the internet and social media sure is hard.
“Try to do it, the two of you! Those lines in Kinjirareta Futari.”
Great. I was just letting my mind wandered a bit, thinking that the topic had gradually changed into something else, when all of the sudden, Ricchan came up with that idea. Even without hundreds of thousands of people watching, it will always be hard for me saying those words again to you.
“HUH?”
My thoughts exactly, Yui.
“I forgot them,” I lied.
“But, I wanted to see it live!” Ricchan whined.
Ricchan should really just wait for the blue ray disc to be out.
“Then, should we do it? You and I?”
For a moment, I thought you were talking to me. I wasn’t paying attention. I was just about to repeat my answer, saying that I forgot or that I didn’t want to. But, then, I realized that you were talking to Ricchan.
“NANDE YANEN!”
Ricchan response didn’t make me laugh like usual. Nor that it soothed the pain in my heart.
YOKOYAMA YUI’s PoV
So, that really was the case, wasn’t it? When I read some fans’ comments about your expression and mine during the song performance, I thought that they were wrong. I was sure that the pained expression you had at that time was not because you didn’t want to sing the song. It was just because you were trying to show the right expression, suitable for the sad lyrics. But, your comments on tonight’s ANN showed that it was me who was wrong. You really didn’t want to sing the song. No. If I remember it correctly, you just said that you didn’t want to sing the song with me.
Hearing that from you made me unable to hold myself back. I told you I didn’t want to sing it with you either. Of course that wasn’t true. After all, I had been asking Akimoto-Sensei for almost a year to let our YuiParu combi to perform it. I guess… I really shouldn’t do it, right? If it made you feel that uncomfortable…
But, then, why now? Why didn’t you say anything when it was announced that we would be the ones to sing it? Why didn’t you say anything during all the hours of practice and rehearsals? You would probably be able to get a different song if you said something at those times. Or a different partner for the duet… If that’s the case, I wonder who you would prefer to pair up with…
I try to look at you, guessing what your answer will be if I voice that curiosity. But, you are just standing there, right next to me, in silence. We are at the main gate, waiting for the management’s driver to come and pick us up so we can go home. Ricchan had left earlier.
“Un? What’s wrong?” you turn your head and ask me.
I just give you a smile, “Nothing.”
“Really?” seems like you don’t believe me, “You’ve been staring at me for a while, you know.”
I notice that you are shaking a little, “Cold?”
You nodded. So, I initiate one of the few physical contacts I allow myself to do with you. I put my left arm around your shoulders, hugging you a little. Then, I move my left hand up and down on your arms, trying to make you feel a bit warmer.
“It must be hard to get off work this late if you can’t really stand the cold. But, don’t worry, the car will be here soon.”
You just give me a nod and an, “Arigatou.”
The car arrives and we quickly get in, sitting next to each other at the back seat. It will take quite some time until we arrive at your home and then my apartment. So, I look outside the window, drowning myself in my own thoughts.
“I am really tired,” you say while leaning closer and putting your head on my shoulder, “And we still have work early tomorrow.”
I smile at your pout, “We do. Better go to sleep as soon as possible, then.”
You don’t say anything in response and just close your eyes. So, I go back to let my mind wander while staring at the reflection of myself and the street lights on the car window. Both the Manatsu No Dome Concert and the radio show are over. I shouldn’t dwell in everything that has happened. If you really don’t want to sing such song with me, I should just make sure not to accept any romantic duet with you in the future. Yes. After all, we can’t change other people or the past. But, we can always change ourselves and the future.
“Ne, Yui,” you suddenly say.
“Un? I thought you’re asleep already.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Un? You don’t have to apologize just because you’re not sleeping when I thought you were,” I laugh.
“I’m sorry for saying that I didn’t want to sing that song with you in the summer concert.”
You catch me off guard. Right after I decided to just let everything about it go, you drag me back to that exact topic. I can’t help but wonder whether you’ve been thinking about it this whole time as well.
“No need to say sorry if that’s really what you felt, Paru,” I try to give you another smile.
“It’s not that I didn’t want to sing a duet with you. It’s just… Not that particular song.”
“It’s okay,” I try to convince you, “It must be awkward for you, wasn’t it?”
“If it’s with any other member I am not so close to… it would be different. But, since we’re really close friends, it’s just… hard to sing it seriously, and… Well,… people may get the wrong idea…”
Or the right idea.
I really do love you after all. During the whole performance, I tried to keep a straight face and didn’t look at you—unless if it really was inevitable—to make sure that no one got any hints of my feelings for you. I guess it really did work since the fans’ comments online stated that I was really expressionless during the whole performance.
“It’s okay. I understand,” I give you my reply, “Sorry for saying that I didn’t want to sing it with you either.”
“It’s okay. I know that you said it because I said it first.”
We stay silent for the rest of the journey to your home. So, I let myself drowned in my own thoughts again. When the car finally stop and you gather all you things, ready to step out of the car, I grab a hold on your hand. You stop and look at me with a question in your eyes.
“The truth is, I…”
Should I tell you?
“I…”
I pause for a second, deciding on what to tell you.
”I was actually really happy to be able to sing a duet with you.”
You look stunned for a moment. It’s as if the words don’t really register in your brain. But, then you smile widely, causing the dimples formed on your cheeks.
“I was also happy to be able to sing a duet with you, Yui.”
Then, you step out of the car, leaving me alone for the rest of my journey home. I don’t know whether you were telling me the truth or not. But, I sure hope you did. I really hope that you actually were happy to sing together with just me. Because, no matter how complicated it was, I still enjoyed each and every second on that stage, hearing you saying all those words to me and only me…
I am really a coward, aren’t I? I was actually going to say something else to you just now. I was actually thinking of just letting you know about my feelings—hoping you would understand why I said what I said, how all those talk about our duet made me feel… Even if you don’t accept my feelings, it’s all right. I just hope that you’ll be able to understand… But, then I backed out. Deciding to say it in a rush may not be a good thing—or so my cowardice self convinced me.
After all, it really is forbidden, isn’t it? My feelings for you…
END.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
thank you for this fic!
-
Always glad to see more Yuiparu fics. :)
-
Awwww maaaaaaan, this reminds me of YuiParu's original song "Tomodachi de irareru nara", sooo befitting theme song for your fics.
-
Dear Friends,
You're all too kind. I keep torturing you with all this angst-unrequited theme, yet you are still happy to read it. Lol. Thank you.
@Haruko: Thanks for reading it! :kneelbow:
@Kyundere: Thank you. I have the same feeling :hee:
@Yuki88: Should I make a "Tomodachi de Irareru Nara" songfic next then? :on drink:
Oh, and for all the silent readers, I hope you enjoyed the stories as well :byebye:
-
Well I love angst because it will build more fluffs (or more angst), what can I say XD
That would be amazing, if you do :P
-
Veeery nice! The three of them! The thing that makes them more interesting and good is that you stick to a truest reality in which that might happen! I love how an author writes with the intention of make it feel more real. Thank you!
-
Dear Friends,
Thanks for the warm comments :)
@TotyTRC: Glad you like it. I didn't really intend to stick with reality (I also like lots of AU fics :) ), but it does seem more entertaining if it feels real, right?
@Yuki88: I did try to write a Tomodachi de Irareru Nara inspired fic over the long weekend. But, it turned out to be quite long (longer than the previous ones) and, somehow, I'm not satisfied with the way it ended. Yet, I don't have the time to revise it now. I may not be able to get online for this until next week or so either. So, I decided to break it (inequally) into two-parts and save the second part for later when I have time to re-read and revise it.
Here is the first part. Like before, I guess it can be read as a stand-alone OS, yet it can also be considered as the continuation of previous ones. The time setting is this year, 2016, after Nagao Mariya's graduation and Koi Kojo drama announcement. I'm still torn between letting Yuihan and Paruru kiss in the end (which will also mean that I will move on with a completely new, AU, YuiParu fics afterwards) or not (then continue with related fic afterward). So, if you don't mind, Friends, please read this first part and let me know how you think it should end. Thank you.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I DON’T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND (1)
How long had it been since the last time all of us went out and had a meal together? It hadn’t been that long, had it? After all, we ate together quite frequently. There is a reason why people said that we, 9th generation members, are really close with each other. But, why did I feel like I hadn’t seen you forever?
“Oi, Yokoyama,” Haruu’s call brought me back to reality, “Are you okay?”
“Mm? Yes. Why are you asking?”
“You’ve been spacing out for a while. It’s not something you usually do when we eat together,” she said.
“Yes. You’re usually eating so fast, especially when we’re having grilled meat. We literally need to race with you to get a piece. But, that doesn’t happen today. What’s wrong?” Mariko chimed in.
“Hahaha… Guess I’m just a bit tired,” I tried to reason.
“Have you been working too hard again?” Mariyagi gave me a concerned look, “I know that you’re the soukantoku. But, please don’t overwork yourself. Now that I’ve graduated, I’ll be more worried if something happens since I can’t be there for you. It goes to all of you.”
I tried to explain that that was not the case. Everyone had been really nice and helpful all this long. So, she didn’t need to be worried. But, even after that long explanation, I could still see you giving me a concerned look from the other end of the long table. Ah, how I wanted to sit across or next to you like we usually did. Too bad, you arrived late today. Mariyagi and Haruu had taken all the places I usually reserved for you.
It’s actually you who had been working hard lately, wasn’t it? You’re so busy with that drama shooting and still had to show up for all the practice sessions, stage performances, and media appearances. Yes. Maybe that was why I felt like I hadn’t seen you forever. I missed you.
“Aah…that was really delicious wasn’t it?” Haruu said while smiling widely.
“It really was,” Minarun agreed.
“I was a bit worried that Yuihan ate so little. But, now I am also worried since you two ate too much. Didn’t you say that you both are on diet?” Mariko asked.
“Now, now, Mariko, don’t ruin their happiness,” Miyu laughed.
I smiled at the playful banter. As much as I like hanging out with other members, I always enjoy spending time with 9th gen the most. I looked at your way, expecting you to laugh along or add some salty comments to the conversation. But, there you were, checking your phone, squinting.
“Everyone,” you said, “I’m really sorry, but I have to go now.”
“What?” Minarun reacted.
“Paruru, why…?” Ranran pouted.
“So soon…,” Mariyagi whined.
I really wanted to say something along that lines as well. But, I knew that you couldn’t help it. It’s not your fault if you’re so busy.
“Sorry, Everyone. I really don’t want to go, but I just got a text from Manager-san, reminding me that I have an interview and need to be there in 30 minutes.”
You started to go around the table, giving hugs to the ones you couldn’t easily see anymore and a wave to the others. With Ranran and Minarun in SKE, then Mariyagi’s graduation, it’s even harder for us to arrange some time to get everyone together. I wondered when we would be able to get together like that again.
“You’re awfully quiet today.”
Right when I thought that you’re ready to leave, you threw your arms around my neck and gave me a hug from behind my chair. It caught me off guard. Even if we were crazily busy, we could still see each other easily, right? We’re in the same team after all…
“Make sure to get enough rest, okay?” you whispered next to my ear.
I really didn’t want the hug to end. But, I knew that you had to go. So, I held myself back, trying to be satisfied with what little I could get.
“You, too,” was my reply while touching your arms, giving them a light squeeze.
You left right after that, leaving the rest of us thinking about what to do next. We planned to go to a karaoke place or go shopping. But, everyone were so full and it didn’t seem that fun anymore since you’re not there—or perhaps it was just me who felt that way.
In the end, we decided to take a bit of a walk around the shopping district and take a picture at the purikura booth. We took turns so we could get the picture taken properly. We laughed at the results, seeing how the special effects made our eyes appeared bigger. Then, for the last picture, we decided to squeeze ourselves in the booth so we could take at least one picture together. Too bad, you weren’t there. I really wanted to take another picture with you.
We said our goodbyes afterwards. I walked with Mariyagi and Miyu for a while until we went our separate ways. It was one of those rare days where I had the whole day and night off. I thought about going home and just spending the rest of my free time with Bisu. The cat was probably sleeping on my bed at that moment. However, when I waited for the train, I decided to take an impromptu detour.
I put my mask and earphone on. Then, I set my playlist on shuffle and wandered around in Shibuya absent-mindedly. Not long after that, the song we recorded more than a year ago was on. Tomodachi de Irareru Nara. I smiled to myself and put the song on repeat. It was suddenly like that day again. The day when I wandered around in Shibuya with low battery because I played the demo version of the song over and over again.
Someone said that people tend to like something that she or he can relate to. Perhaps, that’s why I like the song so much. Fans acceptance to our YuiParu combi had been great since a couple years ago. So, I thought, Sensei might write the song as a fan service or because the market was promising. However, sometimes, I couldn’t help but wonder whether he could see right through me, see through my feelings for you, and wrote the song accordingly.
“Yui?”
I didn’t know how long I had been wandering around when I heard your voice. At first, I thought that it was just my imagination—something that occurred because I missed you too much. But, then, I turned to where I thought the voice was coming from, and there you were.
“Ah, Paru,” I took my mask and one of my earphone off.
“Thinking about buying a new dress?” you smiled and walked closer.
I realized that I had been standing in front of the same shop for a while. It might seem like I had been looking at the dresses on display for quite some time. But, I was actually just standing there absent-mindedly, listening to the song, drowning myself in my random thoughts.
“No,” I managed to reply, “I was just looking. You’re done with the interview?”
You stood right next to me, looking at the same display.
“Yes. It was an interview for the drama I am starring,” you answered.
“Ah,… Yutori?”
“Yes. The whole Sakama family was there,” you smiled, “It was fun. But, since there were many people, I needed to wait patiently for my turn. So, it’s a bit tiring.”
I nodded.
“Did the gathering end just now?”
“No. It’s actually…,” I took a quick glance at my watch, “…ended about three hours ago.”
I didn’t realize that it’s been that long. Looking around, I just realized that it was quite late at night.
“And you’ve been wandering around alone for three hours?” you gave me that concerned look again.
“It seems so,” I chuckled, but you didn’t seem to be amused, “So, what are you doing here?”
“The place where we had the interview was nearby. I was about to go home, but then I thought about going sightseeing for a bit.”
“I see.”
There was a few seconds of silence after that. We were just standing there, in front of the display, without really looking at it. The song was still playing on my right ear.
“Ne, Yui,” you said after a while.
“Un?”
“We haven’t really had a chance to spend some time together lately, have we?”
I smiled, “Other than work? I guess not…”
“Want to hang out with me?” you asked without looking my way.
“Sure, what do you have in mind?”
“Let’s go for a karaoke?”
I was dumbstruck. As if on cue, that particular verse was playing on my right ear. I took the earphone off. I didn’t want the song to make me read too much into your words. Yes. I wanted to be with you for a little more. Yes. You may want to spend some more time with me. But, the reason behind it may be different than mine. Did I say maybe? No. It must be.
“As much as I like that idea,” I took a look at my watch again, “It may be too late for that. We’ll miss the last train if we go for a karaoke now.”
“Ah… You’re right,” you looked at your phone and seemed disappointed.
That face. I would never be able to let you down if you show me that face, would I?
“Why don’t we…,” I started to say.
You raised your head and turned it to me, looking hopeful.
“Why don’t we spend some time at my place?” I offered, “Want to spend a night?”
You gave me an immediate, “Yes.” I chuckled at your happy face. Out of habit, I put my left arm around your back and guided you towards the train station while we talked about random things.
I didn’t realize what I was doing until we got on the train. As I grabbed the hand rail with my right hand, I decided to remove my left arm from your back. But, right at that moment, you decided to hold onto it to steady yourself. There wasn’t any vacant seat, but the train was not that crowded. Yet, you decided to hold onto me until we reached our stop, ignoring the available hand rails. Was it wrong for me to feel happy because of that? I knew that you might not mean anything by that. But, still, it made my heart fluttered.
“Ojamashimasu,” you said as you entered my apartment.
I locked the door behind you while you took your shoes off and proceed to go further in.
“Onee-san is not here?” you asked, referring to my sister.
“No. She had something to do so she went back to Kyoto yesterday. She’d probably stay there until next week.”
You just nodded at my reply while putting your bag on the table. You were about to sit on the couch when Bisu walked out of my room and strolled to the living room. Your face lighted up instantly.
“Bisu! Long time no see!!”
I smiled as you went to pet Bisu, trying to get him to play with you. It really did feel like a long time since the last time I saw you with him. When was that last time, I wonder?
“What are you doing just standing there?” you asked while lifting Bisu up and took him to sit on the couch with you.
“Nothing,” I smiled and shook my head.
We spent some more time to chat randomly. Then we took turns to take a shower and changed into our pijamas. After Bisu was well fed and rested on his bed, we moved to my room.
There were some movies that I had bought but hadn’t got any chance to watch. So, I let you pick one and put it on, then turned the lights off. We watched the movie while sitting on the futon, leaning on the side of my bed.
“Ne, Yui,” you said, a few minutes into the movie.
“Un?”
“When will you start shooting your Koi Kojo episode?”
“Mm… Soon? I haven’t been informed about the exact date yet. Why?”
“Will you…,” you hesitated, “Will there be… any kissing scene in yours?”
I looked at your face, trying to see why you were asking me that question. You seemed a bit troubled, but you didn’t look at me. The possibility of a kissing scene was actually something I dreaded the most about the new drama series. So, I tried not to think about it. But, now that you had asked, I couldn’t help but doing so.
“I don’t know yet,” I answered honestly, “Reading the script, it doesn’t seem like there would be any. But, who knows. They may revise the script or asked for some improvised act during the filming.”
You just nodded. Your silence made me couldn’t help but wonder.
“Will there be one in yours?” I decided to voice my curiosity.
“I don’t know yet…,” you answered.
“Are you worried that there may be one in yours?”
You thought about it for a second before you nodded.
“It’s okay,” I pat your hand, “Since you said that you wouldn’t mind if the guy is an ikemen, I’m certain that they would make sure to pair you up with an ikemen if there’s any kissing scene in yours.”
You shot me a death glare when I laughed. The truth was, I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it. Thinking about you kissing someone, even though I knew it was just for a drama, made me feel uncomfortable. So, I tried to joke about it to hide my discomfort. But, it was clear that you were also feeling uncomfortable thinking about it. It’s probably something you had been thinking about since the project was announced. So, I put my arm around your shoulders and gave you a little hug.
“Don’t worry, Paru. You have a lot of male fans that may feel troubled seeing your kissing scene. So, I’m sure the management will think about it carefully. Even if you have to do one, you don’t have to worry. Lately, they made the actor kissed above the actress’ upper lips while the actress kissed the actor’s chin. More like what Yagami-san and Kimoto-san did in that one SKE’s MV. It may look like a real kiss, but if you watch it closely, it’s not.”
“Still…,” you mumbled.
Yes. It would still be awkward, especially if the director asked for a re-take. There would also be chances that your lips would brush the other person’s lips or something like that. But, at least, thinking that it would not be a real kiss helped calming me down a bit.
“Ne, Yui…,” you said.
“Un?”
“Have you… Have you ever kissed someone?”
I was taken aback by your question, but I tried not to let it showed. I took a few seconds to think about it. Had I ever kissed or been kissed?
“Mm… not on the lips, I guess.”
You didn’t say anything in response. If it’s any other member, I might return the question back. But, it’s you and I didn’t want to hear your answer. I didn’t want to give myself a shock if you answer it with a yes. However, I guess, your next words did give me a shock after all.
“Ne, Yui.”
“Un?”
“Let’s kiss.”
I almost spat out the water I was drinking when I heard that.
To be continued....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
Another fun YuiParu read. :) I really like this AU, so I'm almost hoping for the kiss to be delayed a bit to get more YuiParu fluff if possible.
-
If I were drinking when I was reading this, I would've spat my drink at the same time as Yuihan lol. Knowing YuiParu, it's possible Paruru would just go for it if she really means it lol.
-
Please... I beg you... let them kiss... :cry:
-
“Ne, Yui.”
“Un?”
“Let’s kiss.”
I almost spat out the water I was drinking when I heard that.
To be continued....
OMG!
yes plis!
-
Interesting :cathappy:
I would like to see the next chapter
-
Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her! XD
Gonna wait the next one, author-san!^o^/
-
Dear Friends,
Thank you for all the comments. It's nice to see you getting all excited for the next chapter *chuckle*. I read all your comments and took them into consideration, then came up with this revised version of the ending. I hope I don't make you feel disappointed with this.
Okay, then. Thanks for waiting and happy reading. Since I consider this to be the last related story to the previous ones, next week, I'll try to come up with a completely new YuiParu fic... :on drink:
p.s.: Paruru put a picture of Koi Kojo script on her twitter the other day, saying that she's got it. Now, I really am curious to whether it would have a kissing scene or not *chuckle*.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I DON’T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND (2)
“Ne, Yui.”
“Un?”
“Let’s kiss.”
I almost spat out the water I was drinking when I heard that.
“Eeee?” was the only response I could give.
You looked anywhere but at me. There was a blush on your cheeks and I was sure it was not from the residue of your make up. I wondered if you were being serious.
“Well, since we don’t have any experience…,” you tried to reason, ”We may not be able to act it out properly when it comes down to that, you know. What kind of expression should we show? What kind of gesture would be appropriate? We may need a lot of re-takes if we get that wrong.”
I was stunned. Of course. Of course you were still talking about the possibility of a kissing scene in Koi Kojo. Of course you were not talking about the possibility of kissing with me for no reason. Of course the reason must not be because you had feelings for me.
I was just your close friend. Close, but still a friend. And we’re both women. I was not the tall ikemen you had been dreaming of. How could I forget all that?
You might think that it would be more convenience since we’re close friends. It might be less awkward. I wouldn’t misunderstand your suggestion, wouldn’t misinterpret your words, since we knew each other so well.
“Okay.”
You looked up to me in a sudden. It seemed as if you didn’t believe that I said it. So, I said it once again, more clearly this time.
“Okay. Let’s kiss.”
The blush on your cheeks was even deeper than before. There were some hesitations in your eyes. But, now that I had agreed on it, your pride wouldn’t let you to take your words back. You were the one who asked for it first after all.
“Okay,” your voice was barely audible.
We sat on the futon facing each other. You were clearly nervous. But, since you’re the one who asked, I let you initiate the action. After all, even though I might seem calm, the butterflies in my stomach were not.
You took a deep breath and looked into my eyes. We did some kissing acts for that AKB dating simulation games before, didn’t we? But, kissing the camera or a glass wall was a lot different than the real thing. One look into your eyes was enough to make me wonder why I agreed on doing it.
“Here I go.”
You took another deep breath and moved slowly towards me. You started to close your eyes as our faces drew closer. My heart was beating painfully hard against my rib cage.
I was about to close my eyes. Our lips were centimeters apart. But, then, you stopped and leaned your forehead against mine instead.
“Sorry, Yui. I don’t think I can do it,” you said, “I am way too nervous.”
You were breathing heavily. Your face was in an even deeper shade of red than before. I could see your hands shaking a bit. I could understand what you felt at that time because, even though I appeared calm, I was actually experiencing the same thing.
“It’s okay,” I said.
I was about to move away, but you had your hands on my T-shirt and wouldn’t let go.
“Why don’t you…,” you tried to say, “Why don’t you try to kiss me instead?”
I was once again stunned. I didn’t think that you would still want to continue with it. But, apparently, you did.
So, I swallowed hard and said, “All right.”
I removed your hands from my shirt and put them on my shoulders.
“Stop me anytime you change your mind, okay?”
You swallowed and nodded, looking down on my shirt.
I had one of my hands on the futon while I used the other to gently push you down.
“Here I go,” I said when you were completely lying down.
I moved slowly closer and closer. My heart was beating rapidly. I moved even closer. My heart was beating even faster. Your eyes were on my lips. My eyes were on yours. I made sure to pay attention to your hands as well, ready to move away at the slight sign of a push or discomfort. But, you didn’t show any. You just moved them from my shoulder all the way around to my upper back. I moved even closer and you closed your eyes. We were so close. I could feel the warmth of your breath. Should I kiss you?
Even in my wildest dream, I could never imagine that you would ask me for a kiss. Although the reason might just be for the preparation of a drama scene, this would be something I would never forget. Even if I wanted to, I was sure that I wouldn’t be able to forget this. Even if I tried, I wouldn’t be able to erase it from my memory.
Should I kiss you? Was this a mistake? Whatever the reason was, after this, everything would change, wouldn’t it? I wondered whether we would be able to stay as friends after this. Probably not. We wouldn’t be able to act like nothing happened, would we? At least, I know I wouldn’t be able to and that scared me so much.
But, I couldn’t turn back now, could I? My heart was throbbing and I really really wanted to kiss you. I already had my arms on either side of your head. So, I did the only thing I could. I moved even closer…
…and kiss your forehead.
You opened your eyes, confused.
“Your expression is perfect. Great gestures, too. As long as you don’t forget the feeling you had just now, I think you will be okay,” I said, smiling, still hovering above you.
You still seemed confused. Then the confusion seemed to mix with embarrassment and anger and some frustrations. It was clear that you were not happy with my decision.
“Why?” you asked.
I understood your question. But, I still struggled to form an answer. Why indeed. I really wanted to kiss you. But, somehow, it felt like I was taking advantage of you since I have these feelings while you’re not. You may just want it as a practice with no strings attached while I may never want to let you go after the kiss. But, I couldn’t tell you that, could I? I couldn’t tell you that I may not be able to remain as your close friend if the kiss did happen. I would want more. I would not be able to hold myself back even though I knew that you didn’t want that. How could I tell you all these?
“It would be your first kiss…,” I tried to reason.
“Yui…,” you started, but I didn’t let you continue.
“This is something you will remember for the rest of your life. You should only do it when you are ready…”
“Yui....”
“And you should only do it with the right person, with the person you love, with the person who loves you…”
“Don’t you?”
I was about to continue my ramblings, but I stopped when you voiced that question.
“Don’t you love me, Yui? Didn’t you say that many times already? Or were all those Google+ posts, those tweets, and all your other words were lies?”
You looked straight into my eyes. There wasn’t any doubt in yours. Since when did you find out about my feelings? Yes, I did say all those. But, didn’t I also say them to a bunch others? I made sure of that. Was I really that obvious? What should I do now?
“It’s true,” I decided on my answer, “We are close friends. Of course, I love you. But, because we are close friends, I can’t take your first kiss, can I?”
“Yes, you can.”
“I mean, things may turn awkward afterwards, and we won’t be able to remain friends...”
“Yes, you can.”
“It would be too painful…”
“Yui!” you said louder as you moved your hands to shake my shoulders, stopping any train of thoughts that I had.
“I said, yes, you can.”
“Huh?”
“I don’t want to be your friend. I don’t want to stay as just your close friend.”
Right after you said that, you pulled me closer and kissed my lips. It was really gentle. It managed to leave me dumbstruck.
I didn’t know what was happening. Was it a dream? Did I probably walk into another dimension when I was wandering around alone? Was this a parallel universe where the you I knew was not exist and the you here actually had feelings for me?
I was still questioning everything and nothing when you ended the kiss and moved away. It left me stunned. My mind was blank. I was unable to say anything.
Meanwhile, you were looking at me, smiling. You still had that blush on your cheeks. But, there was also some kind of playfulness in your eyes. It’s as if you believed that you had won something big and I was the loser. Come to think of it, that might be true. You did win. You won my heart over.
“Was it okay?” you said with a teasing smile on your face, “Or…do you think we need a re-take?”
I didn’t give you any reply. I just moved closer for another kiss… and another one, then another one after that—making sure that this was not a dream, nor some kind of a prank. I felt your reply on my lips. For each and every kiss, you were kissing me back—an affirmation for the question I had never been able to say.
It made me feel as if my heart had just exploded. The feelings I had been locking away, deep inside, were finally released. My emotion was overflowing. It was spilling in drops of tears. I couldn’t continue kissing you although I wanted to.
You sighed. Then, you smiled and pulled me into a hug. I hugged you back. Tightly. While shaking violently.
“You’re such a crybaby, Yui…,” you moved your hand up and down my back gently, “ I love you, too, you know. I have been for a long time.”
Your words made me cry even more. You just laughed and hugged me tight. That night, we slept on my bed, hugging each other, until the morning came.
That was a few weeks ago. Yes. People say time flies when we have fun. I guess that was what happened. Everyday seems even more fun now. Whenever I looked at you, even if it’s from across the room, I would see you looking at me as well. I would smile, knowing that this time, I know the meaning behind your glances and it wasn’t just my wishful thinking. Then, you would also smile, knowing that this time, you know the reason behind my smile. Even when we’re not working together, we’ll keep thinking about each other. Then a LINE message would come, lighting the screen of my phone up or lighting yours. I smile as I see that I just got a new message.
-The filming has just ended. So, I send you a text without thinking.
I smiled at the text.
-Really? So, is there any kissing scene in yours? (I also send this without thinking).
I don’t need to wait long for the reply to come.
-Hmm… About that. You should just see it for yourself later. (laugh).
-Eeeeee? “o_O)???
-I’m not telling.
-Hah. Fine.
-I’m on my way there. See you soon :heart:
I keep on smiling, reading your text. Meanwhile, Mariko is talking with Haruu about the taping of a TV show we had just finished. We are still in the dressing room, getting ready to leave the TV station.
“Did something good just happen? You look really happy,” Mariko asks, noticing my expression.
I just keep on smiling.
"Paruru just said that she’ll join us for lunch. She’s on her way.”
Yes. I feel happy just from knowing that we’ll get to spend some time, having a meal together. I feel happy just from our short text messages banter. I feel happy just from noticing that you added a little heart at the end of your message—something you’ve probably done to others as well, countless time. Even if you did shoot a kissing scene with some handsome guy, nothing would wipe this smile off my face. Because, now I know that the only person with whom you share your real kiss is me and no one else.
I put the phone inside my bag, humming the last verse of that one particular song we sang together.
Yes. It's true. I don’t want to be your friend. And I am glad that you didn’t want to be my friend either.
END.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
The way you describe their feelings to each other was great!
I like the your writing style.
keep the good work; author san.
-
Suuuuuuuper good! I imagined everything as if it really was happening and OMG, like I said before, the way you write it makes it feel more realistic and feasible. Yui's and Paru's feelings and way of speaking... I can believe that becoming true. And when Yui started to cry and Paruru teasingly laughed and hugged her... agh! That's something that would happen, too!
I admire everything about this fic so I'm just gonna say thank you very much! Realistically beautiful!
-
Omg I really love how you described their interaction and Yui's hesitation!! It's been a long while since I had a giggle and held my breath reading a fic!!
-
Dear Friends,
Thank you. It's really nice to know that I didn't disappoint you with the second part.
@sadrilim: I'm glad you think so. I also read your stories and like them. Hope to read more from you. *Would be great if I can read more YuiParu from you, hehe :D
@ TotyTRC: You're welcome. Glad that I can add some more flowers to your imagination, hehe. I also like that part (which actually wasn't there when I wrote it for the first time). Ah, and for the first part, I actually really like the part where Paru hugged Yuihan from behind her chair, hehe... We and our delusional minds... XD
@Yuki88: Thank you. Sometimes I felt that way, too, when I read a fic. Glad that I could actually make others giggled and held their breath with mine (didn't think I could do it before you said so, hehe). Oh, and I read your stories, too. I'm actually not really into HKT, but you managed to make me feel interested in ChiiNatsu :D
Now, with all the work this month, I don't know if I'll be able to write and post a new fic this weekend. But I do have a couple ideas in mind. I wonder... Should I write some fluff or more angst for the next one? What do you think, Friends?
-
Do you know how much I squealed inwardly when you said I made you feel interested in ChiiNatsu? Someone gimme something to hug I'm melting!! (no jk I'm freezing, actually)
That said, of your question, I found myself deprived of angsty fics that managed to catch my attention lately. So perhaps you should write an angst, but I'm pretty much fine with fluff too. It's all up to you haha (I know I'm not helping at all lol).
-
I really liked me your story a lot.
I have not read many YuiParu, but I'll be careful if you write something.
I hope to see (read) you soon!
-
sure do, I am planning to make YuiParu OS.
please wait for it. :)
-
Dear Friends,
Thank you. You all are so kind.
@Yuki88: Yeah.. You're not really helping *chuckle*. But, really, thanks for all that ChiiNatsu fics. I hope that I can get to know their characters more so I can write one about them in the future. :)
@Minami-chan: Thank you. It gives me warm feelings whenever someone said that they like my writing and will wait for more. It's really motivating. :)
@sadrilim: Of course! I am already waiting since you finished "My Salty Cat" :)
Btw, Friends. I have to say that I am really really sorry. I know that I promised you another YuiParu this weekend. But, today, I just went ahead and wrote a SayaMilky and started a new thread for it *sorryyyyy*. Well, I actually am planning to post a longer YuiParu fic on that thread right after the SayaMilky one, though. So, if you're interested, please do check the story here (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=40568.0) and keep an eye for any updates in this and that thread. Thank you.
*And for all the silent readers, thank you! I know you're there. I can only hope that you also enjoy reading the fics I wrote :)
-
Dear Friends,
It's been a while, isn't it :) ?
I am quite fond of the idea of reincarnation. Just as I am fond of the idea of parallel universe. So, the next fics in this thread will be written with those in mind. There will be some short OS and some long ones, some with clear plot and some without. But, it will all be AUs.
I'd like to think that YuiParu may have lived a thousand lives and will live another thousand more, and they will always run into each other. Whether they really end up together or not, it doesn't matter. I would just like to think that their fates are linked, no matter how many lives they have lived.
So... Here's one of the stories. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing the idea down... :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE LIGHTS
Have you ever seen the lights? Sometimes, in the midst of the crowd, I saw some lights. Some people just stood out like that. It was as if some invisible lanterns were just shining, only for them. The color of the lights might vary, but they always seemed warm—just like the lights of some fireflies I once saw in a summer, years ago. Interesting. They really were—especially since I couldn’t really see anything except the lights.
People with the lights were always strangers. People that I didn’t know at all. People that I had never met. Needless to say that they were also people that I had never seen before.
However, whenever I saw their lights, I had the feeling that we were connected in some way. People with the brightest lights would usually turn out to be someone that I would be involved with in the near future. Meanwhile, people whose lights were less bright might be the ones with whom I had been involved with in a distant past or would be involved with in a distant future—and by saying distant, I meant not in this life.
The color and the brightness of the lights were not connected in anything earth bound, like social standing, wealth, or health. I presumed, they were more connected with how close or how important the person was to me. I knew that if I really tried, I might be able to see what kind of connection we had or would have—and how it would affect me and the person. But, most of the time, I decided not to look. I would rather do that for my clients—to see their past, present, or their future and its impact to their position. They were all very important people after all. As for my own life, I had no interest in knowing too much ahead of time.
Everyone had their own fate. If it was destined to be, it would happen eventually. It’s inevitable. There’s no difference between knowing and not. Thus, I’d rather just wait and let it be.
“Shimazaki-sama, we have arrived,” I heard Haruu’s voice as I felt the cart came to a halt.
It had been a long journey. It took us a few days just to reach Heian-kyo. I had never traveled this far before.
If it was any other people, I would rather stay in my residence and just send a messenger to answer whatever question they had in mind. But, since it was the powerful Fujiwara clan, sending a mere messenger would have probably been seen as an insult. Therefore, there was no other choice.
I tried to get off the cart with Komari’s help as Haruu went to inform the guards on our arrival. I guessed the long journey did leave me exhausted because, as soon as I had both of my feet on the ground, I felt a surge of dizziness. I was just about to fall out of balance when, all of a sudden, I saw some light engulfing me.
“Are you okay, Ma’am?”
It took me a few seconds to realize that the voice came from the light.
“Hai… Arigatou.”
I heard Komari moving closer. She and the person of the light helped me to regain my balance.
“I am really sorry, Shimazaki-sama! I was asking the hired helps to take care of our belongings. I should have paid more attention,” she apologized.
“It is all right, Komari.”
She proceeded to thank the person who helped me earlier.
“Sumimasen.”
I heard another voice coming from somewhere nearby. The person apologized for interrupting us and asked a permission to take their leave. I only nodded and let Komari did all the talking.
“Yokoyama! You shouldn’t just approach and embrace the Oracle like that! She is an important person of high social standing!”
The voice was muffled, but I could hear what the person was saying as they walked away.
“Aah, sumimasen, …” was the only reply.
I moved my head towards them and I could still see the light.
“Soft purple…,” I mumbled.
Komari must have thought that I called her because she responded with a “Shimazaki-sama?”
“Nothing…” I said, but then I changed my mind and said, “The woman who helped me just now… What… What did she look like?”
“The woman?” Komari sounded confused, “Ano… Shimazaki-sama… It was a man. A young samurai.”
I was puzzled.
“Really?”
“Hai…”
Interesting. I was sure that it was a woman. A young woman with a soft purple light. But, if Komari said so then… Well, perhaps he was a woman in another life.
Before I started walking towards the gate of Fujiwara residence, I turned my head to their direction once again. Somehow, I felt a strange pull towards the person. But, seeing his faint light, we might not yet destined to properly meet—not in this life.
Someday, somewhere, we might see each other again. When the time comes, I wondered if I will be able to remember this day. Will I be able to know that it’s him, then? Will I still feel this strange pull towards him? I didn’t know. Whatever destiny we might have in this life and the next, I only wish that one day I will be able to see more than just his light.
END.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
ugh...this is just so....
*cry me a river*
-
I like the theme! So it's either Paru is seeing her future with Yui there or... hehe.
-
Dear Friends,
Thank you for reading my last fic. An extra thanks for you who left a comment :)
@Kairi65: There, there... Please don't cry... If you cried over that last fic, I don't know how you would react to this one *chuckle*
@Yuki88: Thank you! I like the theme as well. And I am curious to know what suppose to come after that "or..." *chuckle*
It's been about a week and a half since my last post in this thread. So, here you go. I present you with a longer fic this time. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing the story :)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MIDNIGHT RIDES
We met for the first time on a Saturday night. It was around midnight and I just decided to extend my shift a bit since I knew that sleep would not come to me before dawn. You were just walking out of the back entrance of a posh apartment complex. You had a long coat and a mask on. Your short brown hair was blown by the wind. After looking here and there, you raised your hand, signaling me to drive your way. I made a stop right in front of you and you immediately opened the door before letting yourself in. You mentioned an address and I just gave an affirmative answer, letting you know that I knew where you wanted to go. Then, you stayed silent for the rest of the way. I needed to check the rear-view mirror a few times just to make sure that you were still there, sitting at the back seat. When we arrived at your destination, you gave me more money than necessary. I said my thanks, but you didn’t say anything. You just walked straight to the building’s back entrance. It was another posh apartment complex.
The second time we met, I was driving near a TV station. It was a Wednesday night, a few days after our first encounter. I was hoping to get some passengers before midnight since I only got a few in the afternoon. Then, there you were, waving on the side of the street, giving me a signal to stop. You were wearing the same long coat and a mask like before and—somehow—I just knew it was you. So, I stopped right in front of you. Just like before, you immediately opened the door and sat at the back in silent. The only time you said a word was when you mentioned your destination—the apartment complex from which I picked you up last Saturday. When we arrived at your destination, once again, you paid more than necessary. I wanted to say thank you, but you were already gone.
The third time we met was on the following Sunday morning. It was around 3 A.M. and I was just driving aimlessly—didn’t really have anything to do since I still had trouble sleeping. I was passing that other apartment complex where you got off last Saturday night when I saw you walking out of the back entrance. You didn’t even need to call me this time. Right when you’re about to reach the side of the street, I drove slowly and stopped right in front of you. I caught you off guard—fear was written all over your face. But, that fear quickly faded away as I popped my head out of the front window and asked if you need a taxi cab. You didn’t reply. You just opened the door and got in, sitting on the back seat. However, this time you were not completely silent.
“This is not the first time I ride this cab.”
It was not a question, just a simple statement. But, I answered anyway.
“Yes, Ma’am.”
I asked where I should take you. You mentioned the name of that apartment complex I assumed to be the place where you lived. I took you there in silence—just the way you were during the rest of the ride. When we reached your destination, again, you gave me more payment than necessary. I started to think of you as my favorite passenger.
The fourth time we met, you recognized me right away. Well, it was probably not me that you recognized. It’s probably just the number of the taxi cab or the tiny cat stickers that were visible on the back windows. Whatever that was, you sure did recognize me that Saturday night although it was almost midnight.
“It’s you again.”
It was another statement. There was no indication whether you were glad or annoyed to see me again. So, I answered it in similar manner.
“Yes, Ma’am.”
You immediately let yourself in and sat on the back seat. You mentioned that other apartment complex even before I asked where your destination was. So, I simply drove accordingly.
“Do you still work around 3 A.M.?” you suddenly asked when you handed me the payment.
I actually didn’t work that late—I was just driving aimlessly when I picked you up around that hour a few days ago. But, you were my favorite passenger—the one who never complained and always paid more. So, I said yes.
“If you’re not driving another passenger, please pick me up at that hour.”
I nodded. At least, now I had an excuse to stay awake. An excuse other than my sleeping problems.
But, I didn’t know it was going to be a regular thing. Starting that night, at least twice a week, around midnight, I would drive you to that other apartment. Then, around 3 A.M., I picked you up, taking you back to your place. We didn’t exchange any contact details. You just told me when I should pick you up next as we arrived at your apartment complex. I never asked. I just did as told.
“Did you tell anyone that you’ve been picking me up?”
You suddenly asked on our 23th ride.
“No,” was my answer. But, then, I thought about the question again and said, “Should I?”
“No,” was your answer.
Then, for the first time, you smiled. You had been taking your mask off during the last few rides. So, I could see the way your lips were stretched upwards from the rear-view mirror. There were a couple dimples on your cheeks. I thought that they were really cute. I wished you would smile more often.
But, then, that day came. The day when you seemed very upset when I picked you up from that other apartment complex. It was our 36th ride and I had never seen that kind of expression on your face before. You seemed like you were really mad, that you wanted to scream in rage. But, at the same time, you seemed like you were on the verge of crying your heart out. I would rather see the cold and distant expression you had on our first few rides than this—I wanted to tell you that. But, you stayed silent for the rest of our ride, just looking out of the window, drown in your thoughts. So, I kept my mouth shut. It might be better if you just let the tears out. At least, then, I would be able to accompany you until you’re done so you don’t have to be alone in your sorrow later on.
When we arrived at your apartment complex, you didn’t move. We both stayed seated in silence for a few minutes. You might need some time to calm the storm inside you and I didn’t want to disturb that process.
“Take me somewhere else,” you suddenly said.
“Where do you want to go, Ma’am?” was my response.
“Anywhere is fine.”
I didn’t ask further. I just started the car again and drove away. Right after we left your apartment complex, I turned the taximeter off. It would be a long ride and I didn’t want you to pay for trying to escape from your pain. I would just think of it as my treat—after all, you had always paid me more all this time.
Even after almost two hours ride, you didn’t even ask where we were going. I didn’t know whether you really trusted me that much or you just too deep in your own world. Even when I pulled a stop at the seaside, you didn’t move or say a word. When I heard you started sobbing, I immediately took my handkerchief out and held it out to you.
I got out of the cab after you took the handkerchief from me. You seemed like someone who didn’t really like to show your tears to others. So, I wanted to give you some space and time to let your feelings out.
I leaned on the cab while facing the sea. The cold autumn wind was blowing like crazy. I was glad to have a thermos filled with warm tea with me at that time.
When you decided to come out of the cab, I offered you a cup. You took it and sipped the warm tea in silence. Your eyes were so puffy, but at least you seemed calmer somehow.
“Feeling better?” I asked, trying to offer you my best smile.
You looked at me for a second before you lowered your gaze and muttered a, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
I noticed that you were shaking. I didn’t know whether that was from the sorrow that overcame you or because of the wind. But, I took my jacket out of the front passenger seat and draped it over your long coat. Once again, you thanked me.
“You know,” I said, “In a few minutes, we can see the sunrise from this beach. Is it okay if we stayed a little bit more?”
You didn’t say a thing. You just nodded in response. But, when the sun started to rise and the color of the horizon changed, I think I could see your eyes full of wonder.
“I always love the dawn and the sunrise,” I said, “They always remind me that, no matter how dark the night is, it will eventually end as the morning light will cast the darkness away.”
We stood there for a few more seconds. Then I put the thermos away and started to get ready to drive back.
“Let’s go?” I asked.
You didn’t say anything. But, when I opened the driver seat’s door, I felt a tug on my left hand. I looked at you with a questioning smile.
“I don’t want to go home…,” you said, swallowing a sob, “I don’t want…to be alone…”
You looked so vulnerable. You couldn’t even look me in the eyes as you said those words. It must have not been easy for you to admit that. I gave your hand a little squeeze so you would look at me.
“Well, you are not alone right now, are you?” I smiled.
I used our joined hands to guide you to the other side of the cab. Then, I opened the door to the front passenger seat, motioning for you get in. When you were settled there, I walked around and took my place at the driver seat. As I started the car, I took a glance your way. Ah, I really wanted to hold you then—wanted to tell you that everything’s going to be all right.
Since you said that you didn’t want to be alone in your home, I did the only thing I could think of—I took you to my place. It was a small flat, nothing like your apartment. Most of the residence of my building had been awake at that time. Some of them greeted me as I slowly parked the cab on its usual spot while you put your mask and a pair of glasses on.
We took the stairs to reach the third floor. Then I took my keys out to open the door, the third one on the left side of the stairs. You were mumbling a “Shitsureishimasu” as we entered.
Come to think of it, small was an understatement. My flat was cramped. Other than the bed, a small low table, and a couple of book shelves, I barely had any space to put anything else. The bathroom and the kitchen area were also cramped--but, at least, I had them.
“You don’t even own a TV.”
Not a question, but I replied anyway.
“I don’t really have the time to watch anything,” I chuckled, “So, I don’t think I need it.”
I took your long coat off and hang it on a hanger behind the door. I let you know that you were free to use the bed—I would just spread some blankets on the floor for myself later on. Then, I went to take a shower.
When I was done brushing my teeth, I looked at my own reflection in the mirror above the sink—wondering whether taking you home was the right decision. We’re strangers after all. The 36 rides we shared couldn’t change that fact. Or… could they?
I put my pajama on and went out of the bathroom. You were sitting on the edge of the bed—seemed lost and were unsure on what to do. I took a white T-shirt and a pair of shorts out, offering them to you as a change of clothes.
“You may also take a shower if you want,” I said as I held the clothes out to you.
But, you took both of my hands instead, holding them tight. I smiled and took a seat next to you. Slowly, I took your glasses and your mask off, putting them on the table.
“Get some rest, okay?” I said.
I moved to spread a blanket and took my place on the floor. But, you held onto the back of my shirt, stopping me from any movement. I was just about to ask what was wrong when you started sobbing again.
“Don’t…leave me…”
I stood there for a while, letting you cry onto the back of my shirt. Then, I turned around and sat on the floor in front of you. Tears were still streaming down your face. I wiped them away with my fingers.
“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
You looked at me with your teary eyes. I didn’t know who started it, but, then we shared a kiss. As I kissed you back, I wondered whether it was okay to do that. But, I didn’t want you to feel rejected and—truth be told—I had been wanting to hold you and kiss away your sorrow since I picked you up from that apartment complex. So, when the kiss progressed into something more, I didn’t do anything to stop it from happening.
I knew it wasn’t me in your mind that morning. I knew it wasn’t my name on the tip of your tongue, not my name that you wanted to call as you came. After all, even after all those midnight rides, we still hadn’t known each other’s name. But, I don’t care. The only thing on my mind at that time was that I wanted to give you as much pleasure as I could. I wanted to let you know that you were not alone. I tried to let you know that you were wanted.
Since when did I care about you this much? Was it the rides we shared? Or was it the sorrow that was evident in your eyes? I didn’t even know. All I knew was that I wanted to ease all your pain. So, I hold you in my arms until we both fell asleep.
It was already late in the afternoon when I opened my eyes. You were nowhere to be seen. I got up from the bed, covering my nakedness with the blanket as I saw that change of clothes I wanted to lend you was folded on the table. What I found next to it left me with shame and humiliation.
A ‘thank you’ was written on a piece of paper. Right next to it was a big sum of money. I took the money and counted it. Even if I turned the taximeter on last night, the fare would be covered by only one tenth of what you left me. I screamed in frustration as I threw the money to the floor, letting it scattered everywhere. Then, I sat down and cried.
I was not a sex worker. I was only a taxi driver who came to like you. I cared about you—probably even more than thought I did. I wanted to comfort you, wanted to make all your pain go away. So, I let you to use me—to use my body as you were hoping to do it with someone else. I was poor. But… I. Am. Not. A prostitute.
I cried and cried until the dusk came. Then, I went to wash myself, getting ready to start my shift a few hours late. Before I left my flat, I picked all the money that was scattered. I thought, if I saw you again that night, I would make it clear that I didn’t want any of your money.
But, I didn’t see you that night. Or the night after. Or even many nights after that. Granted, you didn’t leave any message, saying when or where I should pick you up next. But, I thought, driving around your apartment complex or the other one a few times a night would make me run into you eventually. However, even after a few months of being some kind of a stalker, I didn’t see you at all.
That was when I started to regret not knowing your contact details. That was the time when I regret not knowing anything about you. How could I find someone whose name I didn’t even know?
On the sixth months after your disappearance, I started to let everything go. I put the money you left in a box of memorabilia I kept deep in my drawer. I stopped driving around the places I ever took you. I started to make some friends. I forced myself to sleep at midnight with the help of some sleeping pills—trying to form a different sleeping habit so I could spend more times with other people and not just locking myself in my room after each shift. When I could manage to sleep and wake up early, I asked to be placed in the morning shift instead of the evening one. I had stopped waiting for the sun to rise.
“Done with your shift, Yui?” Rie, one of my neighbors, asked as I parked my cab on its usual spot that afternoon.
I nodded and smiled in reply.
“Why don’t you come in? I want to surprise Sasshi with a nice dinner tonight and I need a taste tester,” she said, grinning while showing the paper bags full of groceries in her hands.
I chuckled at her offer as I get out of my cab. I took one of the paper bags from her and followed her into the second door on the right side of the second floor. When we arrived at her and Sasshi’s place, she asked me to take a seat and wait as she prepared the dinner. I was just about to sit on the carpet when a tabloid on the low table caught my eyes.
“Rie, is this yours?” I asked, wanting to gain permission to take it.
Rie took a peek from the kitchen area before saying, “Oh, it’s one of Sasshi’s old tabloids. You know, she loves reading gossips about idols and stuff. You can read it if you want.”
I didn’t even wait for her to finish her sentence as I had already started to read the front page.
SHIMAZAKI HARUKA WAS SEEN AT A MATERNITY WARD IN A SAITAMA HOSPITAL.
A TRUSTWORTHY SOURCE SAID THAT SHE LEFT THE COUNTRY TO HIDE HER PREGNANCY.
The headlines were printed in bold letters along with a torso picture of you in a white dress and a small black and white picture of you in a hospital.
Finally, I found you. Finally, I knew your name. Finally,…I found a possible reason behind your sudden disappearance.
But, I was six month late. If I knew all about it sooner… If I knew…
What exactly could I do if I had known about it sooner? What could a poor taxi driver do for a superstar like you? I felt even more frustrated after I learned more about you. I let out a wry laugh.
“Yui? Are you okay?” asked Rie, concerned.
I gave her a smile and a nod, trying to let her know that I was okay—even though I didn’t feel okay at all.
Perhaps, it was time. It was the time for me to let go of you completely. After all, you had long gone, vanished into thin air. Even if you were back into my life, there was nothing I could do for you. Yes. Perhaps, it was time for me to forget about that night and all those midnight rides we shared.
THE END.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End note: I know I put a "The End" up there. But, I wonder if I should just continue this story...?
-
You should continue this fic, author-san!
Just make YuiParu happy with each other ><
-
:on yellcard: :on voodoo:
NOOO!!!!!
You should continue this fic, author-san!
Just make YuiParu happy with each other ><
agreed!
-
WHY WOULDN'T YOU?!
Ehem, I mean, it's a good story and I would like to read more about it because I found it very entertaining *read it with a fake solemn and calm voice*
Okay, joke aside, I loved it! As a one shot, the story is very good, but if you are willing to continue then I'm more than willing to read! I liked it a lot.
Thanks for this nice fanfic, I hope to read another beautiful yuiparu of yours soon. :)
-
:shocked :shocked
This last story ...
Yui, no! you are the father of that baby.
-
I hope you can do the next part please! :D love your fic
-
It's confirmed. U r my fav YuiParu author! :mon geek:
Just write moar...! I'll b waitin for 'em. :heart:
-
Ouch?!
A angst OS of Yuiparu
it hurt to see them suffer. Wish you could continue the OS author san.
-
you don't know how I craving for YuiParu these day .....
THANK YOU VERY MUCH
the plots is excellent and the angst pls continue it i'm begging you
:gyaaah: :gyaaah: :gyaaah: :gyaaah:
-
You're just amazing! Please more yuiparu!!
Domo arigato gozaimasuuu author san!! :cow: :cow: :cow:
-
Dear Friends,
It's been almost two months since the last time I post a fic on this thread. I am sorry for that. I was actually thrilled with the number of responses you all gave for "Midnight Rides". I've been thinking to write a continuation--I even promised Sadrilim-san that a long time ago. But then, life turned even more hectic--more than I imagined it could be. I got a promotion at work and it should have been a good thing. But, like Uncle Ben said to Peter Parker in that Spiderman movie: with great power comes great responsibility. So forget writing--I don't even get enough time to sleep lately. But, I really appreciate all of your likes and comments. So, I did try to write in between these crazy schedules of mine.
@junchan: I'll try, okay :) ?
@Kairi65: Ouch... that's probably why I've been having headaches lately. Stop hitting the poor voodoo doll! *Chuckle* Just kidding. Here's what you've been waiting for :)
@TotyTRC: Hahaha... Your comment literally put a smile on my face. I know it's not soon enough. But, hey... Better late than never, right :) ?
@Minami-chan: Hahaha... No, she's not. ;)
@Haruko: Thank you! Here's the next part :)
@faanpal: Eee...? Really...? *blush*
@sadrilim: I know it took me a long while to come up with this. But, a promise is a promise. Here's for you :)
@hakase309 & @chocolatepandastarlight: Thank you. Looks like it's your lucky day ;)
This continuation of "Midnight Rides" comes in parts. Considering my circumstances now, I want to say sorry ahead of time if it takes me a long time to complete it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORNING LIGHT (1)
What is the greatest happiness one can achieve in this world? The answer may be different for different people. For me, it is to be a mother. As cliché as it may seem, that is the only answer I will give for that question.
I made some mistakes in the past. Some of them were so big that I would never be able to amend them. Joining an audition for an idol group before even experiencing a first love might be a mistake. Simply going with the flow when I was told that I was accepted might also be a mistake. Falling in love and starting to date in secret was clearly another mistake. Agreeing on having sex without protection with a man who refused to take any responsibility of his actions... was probably the biggest mistake of all.
But, no matter how I ended up with a child, I will never see my child as a mistake. On the contrary, he was the one that set my life right again. He was the one who saved me. He was the one who brought colors back into my black and white days. He was the morning light that chased the darkness away from my endless nights full of crying.
Hikaru.
Despite what his father, my parents, and my manager said to me, I had never wanted to let him go. But, hiding his bulging presence inside my womb was hard. I couldn’t keep on lying to people around me. I couldn’t keep on lying to my fans. So, when the doctor said that he was strong enough to survive a long travel—as long as I am being really careful—I decided to quit my job and leave the country.
It was hard. It took my parents three whole years to forgive me and the decision I made. But, even then, it was still too early to move back to Japan. I didn’t want my son to be the target of any kind of media circus. So, for ten years, there were only the two of us.
I used up all my savings to keep us alive during the first few years of Hikaru’s life. I knew that we wouldn’t be able to survive like that for long. So, when he was old enough to be enrolled in some government funded daycare, I started to apply for small jobs here and there.
To keep me sane in the middle of harsh reality, I took night classes in a small community college to study fashion design. The lecturers were really nice. They let me took Hikaru with me whenever I attended their classes. Seeing Hikaru making his own abstract drawings and paintings in class became the highlight of my days.
After getting my degree, I got a job offer as a designer in a bridal owned by Miss Itano—one of my lecturers. During my second year working there, she encouraged me to start my own clothing lines. Hikaru had started attending the elementary school that year so I had some extra time to spend alone. Instead of using it to work more at her bridal, Miss Itano said that I should start making my own products and put it up online. She also said that I could use her workshop to do it and she knew some people who might be able to help me starting my own business.
“I am also a Japanese who left the country and started everything from scratch. Our reasons may be different. But, if I can succeed here, I believe that you will, too. You need to struggle and work extra hard. For your own sake and Hikaru’s.”
Her words gave me hope and courage to move forward. I did as she told me to do. It was not easy. But, as the general manager of my idol group used to say: hard work will always be rewarded. And it really was. Three years after starting my own clothing lines, I was able to move back to Japan with Hikaru.
I started to work mainly from home. I worked on some new designs at home while Hikaru was in school, then I sent them to my workshop in Ascot. The samples of the end products would be delivered and displayed in Miss Itano’s boutique in London. The clients would then be able to place pre-order requests there or purchase them online.
Business was booming. I had been talking on the phone with a couple of boutique owners in Milan and Paris who were also interested in selling my products. The trend had even reached Japan. Since the products were not available for purchase here, seeing some people wearing dresses or suits with the word SALT on them always seemed amusing to me. If only they knew that the designer was actually a Japanese living in a modest apartment in Tokyo...
But, I knew that I had to keep a low profile. I had no interest in coming back under the media spotlight. Life was good the way it was. No need to add any unwanted attention and curiosity in it.
“Mom, you’re coming to school with me today, right?” Hikaru said while munching on his breakfast that morning, about a month after we moved to Japan.
“Am I?”
“Moooom..! I’ve told you about it yesterday!” he whined, clearly annoyed by my reaction, “My homeroom teacher wants to see you. She said that she wants to talk about my progress in the new school and there are still some documents you need to turn in or something.”
“I know. I’m just teasing you,” I ruffled his hair, “Hurry up and finish your breakfast then. I’ll take you to school.”
As I drove him to school that morning, Hikaru kept on talking about his homeroom teacher. He said that she was young and really cool. She taught music, she sang really beautifully, she could play some different instruments really well, and so on and so forth. I laughed a little, thinking that the teacher must be really amazing or Hikaru was just having a big crush on her.
I started to look forward to seeing this teacher of his. I wanted to know what she actually looked like. I would probably be able to tease Hikaru about it later.
I was smiling when I knocked the door to the teacher’s office that morning, asking for the homeroom teacher of year 4 class A. I was still smiling when the male teacher who I met at the door asked me to come in and have a seat while he tried to get the music teacher for me. I still had the same smile on my face when she came closer. But, when she was right in front of me and I stood up to greet her, my smile faltered.
“Good morning. My name is Yokoyama Yui. I am Hikaru’s homeroom teacher,” she bowed.
Was she...? But, how was that possible? The last time I saw her, she was not a teacher...
“My name is Shimazaki Haruka. I am Hikaru’s mother,” I also bowed, trying to regain my composure.
She asked me to have a seat before she sat on a chair across mine. Then, she started talking about Hikaru’s grades, showing me his test scores. She also talked about how Hikaru’s ability to speak Japanese really helped him in making friends and adjusting to the school. But, she thought, it might still be hard for Hikaru to study some subjects like history and social science with his current level of Japanese. So she suggested that it might be better to provide a supplementary Japanese lesson for him. She then started to mention some language schools that had classes for that and explained the differences in methods and schedules. I could see that she was a really good homeroom teacher. But, during all of her explanation, I couldn’t help but focusing mainly on her face.
She looked slightly different from what I remembered. She looked more mature. Her hair was longer than I remembered and she had a pair of glasses on. Was she really the person I thought she was?
“Shimazaki-san?” she looked up from the papers she had been reading.
“Ah, yes?” I was a bit startled, “I am sorry. What was that?”
“I said, I will leave the decision to you. But, the deadlines for the language school application are mostly next week. So, you may need to decide soon.”
“Ah, all right.”
“And I think you still haven’t turned in the certified Japanese translation of Hikaru’s birth certificate. I think that is the only required documents that you didn’t submit along with the school application form. But, let me check again, just to make sure.”
She started to check the documents in some folders while tidying up the test papers and the notes that were scattered on the table.
“Ano... Yokoyama-sensei,” I decided to try asking.
“Yes?” she responded without looking at me.
“Have you always been an elementary school teacher?”
She stopped turning the pages of the documents she was checking. There was a couple seconds of silence. She was not looking at me when she answered.
“No. It’s still my second year teaching.”
I was torn. I knew that asking further would be impolite. But, I really wanted to know.
“What did you do for a living before becoming a teacher?”
She didn’t stop what she was doing this time when she said, “Is there any particular reason for that question?”
“Oh, no,” I immediately said, “Sorry... I’m just... curious.”
She finished checking the folder in her hand and took another folder before answering.
“I worked as a taxi driver for five years before attending a university to get my teaching qualification.”
Her answer confirmed what I had in mind.
“By any chance... Were you working around Saitama area?”
She was still looking at the documents when she said, “I was.”
My heart was pounding hard.
“It is not the first time we meet.”
She looked up from the documents she was checking, looking at me straight in the eyes. A small smile was forming on her lips.
“No, Ma’am. It’s not.”
I felt my heart skipped a beat.
To be continued...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
I couldn't believe that you really did it! THANK YOU!!!! OMG so many things coul happen :D I'm waiting for te next chapter
-
You're soo awesome autthor cheers! :cow:
-
My, my, what do we have here? *sips on her cup of coffee*
First of all, thank you for giving us the continuation of this story. I must admit I forgot for a bit xD but I'm really glad you kept on writing about it. Also, congratulations on your promotion!
Now, my ramblings about the story <3 : OMG!!!! This is great! Poor little Haruka, having to raise a child all by herself and in a different country. Nice thing she worked hard for her little family <3 my biggest thanks to Miss Itano. Now, Yui as a teacher... just how lovely that must be? Though I must say, by the expectations on her job she might be a more extrovert character (at least with children) than the taxi driver one. As I can notice, Haruka and Yui aren't the ones they used to be 10 years ago, and that proves that people change. In addition, might it be that Yui had mixed feelings about seeing Haruka again? I was about to faint with the dialogues at the end: "it's not the first time we meet."
and then the final shot: "No, ma'am. It is not."
And I was like: OOOOOOOOMMMMMMGGGGGGG SHE CALLED HER "MA'AM" OMGOMGOMG!!!
So yeah, if you still have any doubts, I enjoyed it very much <3
I'll be patient for the next chapter. Again, thank you!
-
My, my, what do we have here? *sips on her cup of coffee*
First of all, thank you for giving us the continuation of this story. I must admit I forgot for a bit xD but I'm really glad you kept on writing about it. Also, congratulations on your promotion!
Now, my ramblings about the story <3 : OMG!!!! This is great! Poor little Haruka, having to raise a child all by herself and in a different country. Nice thing she worked hard for her little family <3 my biggest thanks to Miss Itano. Now, Yui as a teacher... just how lovely that must be? Though I must say, by the expectations on her job she might be a more extrovert character (at least with children) than the taxi driver one. As I can notice, Haruka and Yui aren't the ones they used to be 10 years ago, and that proves that people change. In addition, might it be that Yui had mixed feelings about seeing Haruka again? I was about to faint with the dialogues at the end: "it's not the first time we meet."
and then the final shot: "No, ma'am. It is not."
And I was like: OOOOOOOOMMMMMMGGGGGGG SHE CALLED HER "MA'AM" OMGOMGOMG!!!
So yeah, if you still have any doubts, I enjoyed it very much <3
I'll be patient for the next chapter. Again, thank you!
Totytrc is trying to be polite but in reallity she loves so much your fic that keep blaberring (in a good way) about your fic a lot with me.... XD
-
Wow, finally you update author san. :cow:
I miss your story.
psst... i never know that Yui is a girl in this story (MORNING LIGHT (1)). :lol:
-
:inlove: thank you thank you and thank you
I'm just so happy ok. .speechless. overjoyed :fap :lol:
But really, your ff was so so good and it's really worth the wait.
-
Dear Friends,
It took me about two months to write and post the first part of this story. Then, today, I realized that it took me about three months to write and post this second part. I hope it won't take me four months to write and post the next one... I don't know how long this story will go. I haven't been able to see the ending yet. But, I am determined to write it until the end, especially now that Paruru's graduation is coming closer... I don't know about you, Friends. But, for me, fanfictions will probably be my only resort for more YuiParu in the future... I'm sorry to start this with such a gloomy mood.
Anyway, I am really thrilled over all of your comments. Thank you :) I'm sorry that I didn't reply them immediately. And for all of you, Silent Readers, thank you and please keep on reading :)
@Haruko: You’re very welcome :) I couldn’t believe it myself. But, I hope you’re still waiting. About TotyTRC,... Really? What was that blabbering about? I want to know more! Hehe... Anyway, I’m glad that the stories could be a topic in your conversations. I believe that good communication maintains and improves relationship—any kind of relationship. Hope you both can get along well for as long as possible :)
@chocolatepandastarlight: Eh? Thank you :oops: Cheers.
@TotyTRC: You’re welcome, thank you, and it’s all right :P To be honest, work and life forced me to forget about it for a while as well. But, I’m back and still writing XD I’m glad that you enjoyed the story so much. I always enjoy your analysis and comment on my fic as well. I hope you’ll enjoy this part, too. :)
@sadrilim: Thank you :) I miss your story, too. You know I read all of them, right? If I didn't leave any comment or like, it just meant that I read them without logging in, so I couldn't leave any. Sorry XD About the story, I guess you were not the only one, Buddy. It was unintentional, but I didn’t really mention Yui’s gender in Midnight Rides. Given her male-dominated field of work, guess it’s easier to imagine her as a he there. But, as much as I enjoy reading GB stories, I don't really write any :)
@wmxmy: You’re welcome, you’re welcome, you’re welcome XD I’m really glad that you like the fic. I’m sorry that the waiting time is getting longer and longer :oops:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORNING LIGHT (2)
“This is not right.”
I sighed for the nth time today and erased the sketch I just made on my drawing book. Nothing seemed right lately. Since I met Yokoyama-sensei a couple months ago, I found it hard to concentrate. I kept getting distracted. Whenever my mind strayed away from whatever I was doing, it kept getting back to that day.
“It is not the first time we meet.”
“No, Ma’am. It’s not.”
Her smile... She clearly remembered me. Yet, she did not say anything else other than Hikaru’s progress in school.
What was I hoping anyway? Was I hoping for longer conversation? More personal one? Some words on what happened between us ten years ago?
No.
No, because there was no “us” in the first place. Granted, she was practically my personal secret driver for a month or two. But, we barely had any conversation. I did not even know her name until that meeting a couple months ago.
Yet you thought it was okay to sleep with her.
There it went again. The voice of conscience, some people might say. But, for me, it was just the voice of confusion. It’s going to drive me insane.
Yes, I got intimate with her. Once. It was only once and I did not think it was okay. Truth be told, I did not think at all—although perhaps I should have.
I had never thought of myself as gay. Not in the slightest bit. But, I was sad. I was depressed. I was frustrated. Devastated. And, with her being the only one showing some warmth and kindness...
So, you used her to make you feel better.
No!
Well... Yes. I used her. But, it did not make me feel any better. I felt horrible. I felt even more horrible each time I thought about it so I tried not to think about it at all.
That was why you dumped her right after you used her.
“Okay, stop! Just...stop!”
With my eyes closed, I put my forehead on the desk and tried to picture a stop sign in my mind—something my therapist taught me to do, years ago when I was deep in my depression. I needed this mean superego to stop for a minute. I had to think about the here and now, about what I could and wanted to do about my situation—and I would not be able to do that with it kept on criticizing my past decisions and actions.
I thought that I had conquered this long ago. I thought that I had succeeded in getting rid of that self-blaming side of me which dragged me down into the pitch black darkness once. But, no. Turned out that it was just diminished and locked up in a dark corner of my mind, like an evil genie trapped in a glass bottle—and, even if it was unintentional, that woman had unleashed it when she re-appeared in my life.
I tried to take a deep breath a few times until I felt a bit calmer. Then, I decided to move away from my desk. There was no point in forcing myself to continue working at times like this. She would come in less than an hour anyway.
Yes. A few days ago, Hikaru had said something about Yokoyama-sensei’s visits to the students’ houses. She would talk to each parent about the progress of their children in school and ask about their condition at home. She was scheduled to visit ours today. About forty-three minutes from now. Perhaps that was why I felt even more agitated than usual.
I tried to dismiss that thought and walked to the kitchen area—wiping the top of the counter for the fourth time today on my way. I grabbed the remote and turned the TV on as I drank a glass of water to calm my nerves. Then, I walked to the couch, making sure that everything on the coffee table was neat and tidy, before I leaned back and closed my eyes. I decided to stay like that until she came. The low noise from the TV in the background helped drowned any unnecessary comments in my mind.
But, it turned out that nothing could really prepare me for seeing her up close again.
“Shitsureisimasu,” she said as she entered the apartment.
We did not really exchange any word as she took her shoes off so I just stood there in the hallway like a statue. I offered her something to drink as she took a seat on the couch, preparing the assignment papers of Hikaru she needed to show me later. After I brought her a glass of water, I sat on the adjacent seat. Then, just like a couple months ago, she started talking, but I could not really concentrate in anything she said. All I could think about was how the time had treated her well.
“So that was all the progress we have seen so far. Hikaru has been doing really well. I believe that he also makes more friends lately. With the improvement in his Japanese and his circle of friends, I am guessing that he also feel more and more at ease with the school life lately?”
“Yes.”
“Is he at the language school this afternoon?”
“Yes.”
“I see. I am glad that you decided to enroll him in that language school, Shimazaki-san. Did his teacher at the language school say anything about his progress?”
This time, I tried to answer with more than just a “Yes.” As I told her about Hikaru’s progress in the language school, I could feel some warmth spreading within me. I could feel my mood improved and my lips stretched up to form a smile. I did not know whether every mother feel this way about their child or not. But, talking about Hikaru always made me feel better. I guessed it was written all over my face because I could see that Yokoyama-sensei had started to smile as well.
But, happiness did not stay for long. It never did around me. Not even today.
Right when I was talking eagerly about Hikaru’s thought on the language school, a new CM was on. A familiar voice from the TV stopped me in my track and forced me to look its way. My eyes were glued on the screen as the smiling face of a man I knew all too well was shown.
That man.
I knew that he was still in the industry. I had heard that he was less popular after he graduated from his idol group, but he still got some jobs every now and then—some small roles here and there. I managed to avoid seeing him by not watching any drama or movie he was starring and immediately changed the channel every time a CM was on. But, I was too distracted today, I did not even turned the TV off when Yokoyama-sensei came.
“Shimazaki-san?”
Her question brought me back to earth.
“Ah, I am sorry. Just a second,” I said as I tried to change the channel.
But, it seemed like the universe was in the mood for a bad joke. The next channel had the same CM on. The next channel after that had his old drama on re-run.
“Shimazaki-san?”
I kept on changing the channel, trying to look for one that was not showing his new CM or his old CM or his drama or a trailer of a movie he was starring...
“Shimazaki-san.”
Yokoyama-sensei’s hands on mine stopped me from continuing to click the remote for another channel.
“It’s all right,” she said as she took the remote from my hand and pushed the power button to turn the TV off.
I did not realize that my hand had been shaking until she took that remote with her right hand. Her left hand was still holding mine. The right hand soon joined it. She held both of my hands and looked at me in the eyes.
“It is all right,” she repeated softly.
She then released them and tidied up the papers on the table, putting them back in a folder, then in her bag.
“I’m...I’m sorry,” I heard myself said.
She stopped what she was doing and gave me a small smile.
“There’s nothing to apologize for, Shimazaki-san. I can see that it may not be a convenient time for you. Thank you for your patience. We can continue this conversation some other time. I think another home visit has been scheduled to take place after the term’s final exams. If you have any question before that, please feel free to contact me at school. I’ll be happy to answer your question,” she said.
I did not know what to say. I did not mean to make her feel uncomfortable or thought that it was time for her to leave. I did not want her to leave... But, all I could do was sitting there in silence, looking down on my shaking hands.
She sat there for another minute before she sighed and said, “It’s never going to be easy, is it?”
I raised my head and saw her sad smile.
“That expression on your face,” she continued, “Even after all this time, it’s never easy for me to see that.”
Then, as if a déjà vu, she took a handkerchief out of her pocket and held it in front of me. Slowly, I took the handkerchief from her hand. I did not even realize that a drop of tear had trailed down my cheek until it dropped down on the handkerchief.
“To be honest,” she said, “I didn’t come only for the home visit.”
She took something from her bag and held it against her chest.
“Maybe this is not a convenient time for you. But, it is also inconvenient for me to hold onto this any longer.”
I did not understand what she meant. I could only look at her with a question in my eyes. Perhaps, she understood my confusion because she then put the thing on the table.
“This is yours. I don’t need it. I don’t want it. I can’t take it.”
She kept the smile on her face, but I could see that it was not a pleasant one. I turned my gaze to the table and immediately recognized the thick brown envelope. Right at that moment, memories from that night, ten years ago, came back to haunt me.
I felt terrible. I felt horrible. Fear, frustration, guilt, shame, anger, sadness, and a million other negative emotions washed over me. I did not know when or how I completely broke down and cry. All I could remember was that I kept saying sorry over and over again.
But, no matter how many times I said it, sorry could never change a thing.
To be continued...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End Note:
I have some ideas for the continuation, but I'm also open to suggestion. So, feel free to let me know whatever you have in mind or want to read in the next parts of this story, Friends :)
-
e-eh? so paru dumped yui back then? ...cruel :smhid
and welcome back author-san... thank you for effort to update it :thumbsup
-
Aaaaaaaaand my heart broke 💔
Okay, I liked it. I actually loved it. It was... marvelous. I was prepared for the worst scenario and to be it not a dramatic but passive one is what made it even more delightful. So simple yet full of emotions. I just love this.
I'm amazed of how you wrote Haruka's feelings towards seeing Yui one more time and having to deal with it from now on. She still has that guilty conscience in which tries to excuse herself by the mess she was then but still knows she did wrong. She can't bring herself to move on from what she did to Yui. And THE guy. Ugh, even I felt sorry about her having the tv as a constant reminder of her mistakes in the past.
But Yui. OMG Yui. She always breaks my heart (actually the fanfics I've been reading always tend to make her suffer so I find this both depressing and cool because who doesn't want to take part in a feels trip with their oshi? XD). Lil' baby got stuck on what happened ten years ago and is recently trying to move on... I just can't imagine how hard must it be for her trying to get rid of that heavy burden in her chest. And I absolutely LOVE it how she still acts so cool and calm <3
Anyways, now that you are receiving advices/opinions of what to do next, I hope you could write the next chapter under Yui's point of view so we can all see how has she been dealing with what happened recently. Either way, I bet you'll bring us a good chapter like the ones you have made us get used to <3
Thanks for writing!
P.S.: Do not believe Haruko... OKAY :v maybe a little bit. We both tend to discuss the fanfics we like and talk about the characters and story as if those were real things. It's so fun~
-
Dear Friends,
Thank you for waiting. Despite the hectic schedule, I somehow managed to finish and post this part just one month after I posted the previous one. So, I guess... it's a good thing :) ?
Thank you for the kind comments. Another thanks for those who hit the thank you button. And, no, I haven't forget you, Dear Silent Readers. Thanks to you, too :)
@ミサキ: You're welcome and thank you for welcoming me back XD Yeah... she kinda did. But, was she really cruel? Hm... Guess you need to read on to find out about that :)
@Tupi: Why? これは愛ですね。。。 Hehehe. But, yeah... Yuihan was my oshimen even before I found Paruru and became a YuiParu shipper. So, there may be some biases... That's why Yuihan seems like such an angel here... XD
@TotyTRC: Sorry to break your heart. But, I enjoyed reading your comment (like always :) ). Yeah, having a superstar as a lover (or an ex) doesn't really seem awesome if we think about it, isn't it? I still don't know what to do about "that guy" part in this story. But, oh well... Guess it will come to me eventually. In the mean time, I still need to stick with Paruru's PoV for this part. But, I'll try to use Yui's PoV for the next part. Something that only she can reveal is coming up next. So... stay tuned? (I will believe Haruko's words. Just a little bit :P )
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORNING LIGHT (3)
“I’m hooooooome.”
Hikaru came in a really bad time. I was in the middle of my breakdown with Yokoyama-sensei right beside me, trying to calm me down. I should not have given him his own key to the apartment because, in between my tears, I could see that his face suddenly turned pale in shock to see the scene. He immediately rushed to my side.
“Mom!? Mom, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
I could not give him any answer. What answer was there to give anyway?
“Sensei! What happened? What did you do to my mom!?”
The accusation in his voice was evident.
“I-I didn’t... It’s...”
It must have not been easy for Yokoyama-sensei to respond to the questions. After all, she did not know anything either. The reason of my breakdown, she had never known anything about it.
“What did you do to my mom!?”
“I..”
I reached for Hikaru. I wanted to tell him that he got it wrong. Yokoyama-sensei did not do anything. But, it was as if I had lost my ability to speak.
“Forget it. Sensei, please leave us alone.”
Hikaru’s voice turned cold. Hikaru was never cold.
“But...”
“Please leave!”
There was a moment of silent. The only sound left was my sobs.
“I understand,” Yokoyama-sensei finally said quietly.
She moved back to the adjacent couch to collect her bag.
“Thank you for your time, Shimazaki-san. I am very sorry if I made you upset.”
She then bowed and took her leave.
I was still sobbing when I heard the door was opened and then closed. I was still sobbing when Hikaru held me and said that everything will be okay. I was still sobbing when he slowly guided me to my bedroom and lay down with me on the bed.
I did not know when I fell asleep. When I opened my eyes, I could see the light of dawn sneaking in through the gap in between the curtains. I had stopped sobbing. But, my head was throbbing and I did not feel like talking at all. I did not even want to leave my bed. So, I just curled up in a fetal position and pulled the blanket to cover myself all the way to my head. I stayed that way for a couple days.
In those couple days, Hikaru stayed with me and tried to take care of everything for the both of us. He took showers regularly without my having to tell him. He took some changes that I usually left in a glass jar on the kitchen counter and went to the convenient store downstairs to get us something to eat twice a day. He tried to clean as much as he could. He prepared change of clothes for me although he knew that I still did not want to move from the bed. He even read me some bedtime stories from his book collection. He acted like everything was okay—like he did not have a mom who was so deeply troubled; she could not even function at all.
With everything he did, once again, he saved me. He brought back the light into the pitch black corner where I tried to just curl up and die.
In the third morning, I finally dragged myself out of the bed and took a shower. Relief and happiness was clearly shown in Hikaru’s eyes. He was practically beaming when he put a couple slices of bread in the toaster in his attempt to prepare some breakfast for us. He was even humming some cheerful children song while he put some chocolate spread on his toast and started chewing.
“Hikaru,” I said as I spread some butter on mine.
“Yes?” he looked at me with a wide smile on his face—so happy that I was finally talking again.
“You need to go to school today.”
His smile faltered.
“You can’t keep on skipping your classes, Sweetheart,” I ruffled his hair and tried to form a smile, “I am okay now.”
He looked down, seeming unhappy, but still mumbled an, “All right.”
I sighed before adding, “And you need to apologize to Yokoyama-sensei.”
He looked up to me. His eyebrows were forming a squint.
“What happened to me... It was not her fault,” I said before he could protest.
He looked back down and stayed silent for a while before muttering, “I know.”
“You know?” the squint was in between my eyebrows now.
“I know,” he repeated, “It was not the first time. It happened before.”
Yes. It did happen a few times before. But, I did not think that he knew out about it. I thought that I hid it well.
“I may be a child, but I have ears,” he said, “I heard everything. I knew Uncle Jay was not just a friend. He was your doctor. I knew that each time Miss Itano or the Granny next door asked me to spend some nights at their places, it was because things like this happened and you could not take care of me. I know, Mom.”
He looked straight into my eyes. Pain was all over his eyes. I was speechless.
“But, I also know that it had been a long time since the last time it happened. You were getting better. You were all right. You were happy... You were... Until Yokoyama-sensei came for the home-visit!”
“Hikaru...”
“She may not be the one giving you this problem. But, you were getting better, Mom... and she ruined it!”
He was clearly upset. So, I moved away from my chair and went to give him a hug—letting him to cry in my arms.
“I’m sorry, Sweetheart. I’m really sorry. I didn’t want you to feel troubled by all this,” I said as I moved my hand up and down his back.
Hikaru shook his head.
“I’d rather know...,” he mumbled in between his sobs, “I love you, Mom... I want to help... I want to protect you...”
I gave him a kiss on his forehead, “I love you, too, Sweetheart. Thank you.”
I broke our hug and wiped away his tears.
“I only have you, Mom... If anything happens to you... I’m scared... I don’t want to be alone...”
I smiled. I only had him, too.
“You won’t be alone. I promise. I will try my best to get even better. So, don’t worry too much, okay?”
He nodded although some fresh tears were still trying to escape from the corner of his eyes.
“And you still need to apologize to Yokoyama-sensei.”
He was trying to object, but I put my hands on the sides of his face and lowered myself until my eyes and his were on the same level.
“She didn’t do anything bad. Something happened. It made me feel really upset. But, it was not her. She didn’t know anything. She was confused and was just trying to help when you came in and saw us. All right?”
He looked into my eyes for a second before he lowered his eyes and mumbled, “So she didn’t hurt you?”
“No, she didn’t.”
“She didn’t make you feel upset?”
“No.”
“She tried to help?”
“Yes.”
He stayed silent again.
“Do you feel bad now?” I asked.
He slowly nodded.
“So, do you understand why you need to apologize to her?”
He nodded again.
“And you’re going to go to school today so you can see her and say sorry?”
Another nod.
“All right. Then get ready, Sweetheart. I’m going to get ready, too. I was the one who got her in trouble. So, I’ll take you to school and apologize to her as well.”
It was already 7.30 in the morning. So we rushed to make sure that we would be able to get to the school before the first bell rang. I was hoping that I could find Yokoyama-sensei and apologize before the class started—thinking that it might make it easier for Hikaru and her to interact with each other again later on. So, I tried to drive as fast as I could without breaking the speed limit. I had a lot to explain to her after all.
However, although we were able to arrive ten minutes before the bell rang, Yokoyama-sensei was nowhere to be found.
“Yokoyama-sensei?” Oshima-sensei, Hikaru’s gym teacher, responded to my question, “I don’t think she’s here today. Hmm... come to think of it, I don’t think I saw her here yesterday either.”
Since she did not seem to know where Yokoyama-sensei was, I was about to thank her and took my leave. But, then the school nurse walked by and Oshima-sensei called her out.
“Ah, Watanabe-sensei! Have you seen Yokoyama-sensei today?”
Watanabe-sensei stopped and turned our way.
“No. I don’t think that she’ll be here today. She called in sick the day before yesterday. She hasn’t come to the school since then,” she answered.
“Hmm... it may be quite serious if she needs to take a few days off. She usually still comes to school even when she’s not feeling well. I don’t think she ever took a sick leave before.”
I started feeling uneasy upon hearing Oshima-sensei’s words.
“Well, about that, I think she did take a week off last year. Right around this time of the year, not long before the end of term exams. But, you’re right. She never took any leave other than that.”
Watanabe-sensei left after that—continuing to walk to where she was heading before. I was supposed to take my leave as well. But, I was still rooted on my spot in front of the teacher’s office.
The day before yesterday... Does that mean something happened right after she left our apartment?
“Shimazaki-san?”
Oshima-sensei stopped my mind from wandering further.
“Is there anything important you need to discuss with Yokoyama-sensei? If there’s any, I can take a message and give it to her later...”
“No,” I immediately answered, “No... It’s all right, Oshima-sensei. Thank you.”
I bowed down and was ready to leave. Oshima-sensei tilted her head a bit. I could feel that she was still looking at me even as I started walking away.
“Shimazaki-san!”
I stopped when she called my name and ran toward me. When she stopped right next to me, she showed me a wide grin and started scribbling on her clipboard. I could only give her a questioning look when she tore the end of the paper and gave it to me.
“Just in case you would like to visit her. But, don’t tell her that you get that from me, okay? Yui-chan may get mad at me if she knows.”
She ended that explanation with a conspiratorial wink.
To be continued...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
MYGOD UPDATE!!!!! WHAT HAPPEN NEXT! PLEASE UPDATE SOON AUTHOR-SAN :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:
-
Dear Friends,
I tried to update as fast as I could. But, got some technical problems posting on the thread before. (I had tried to post three times, but the page always reload even before I finished my post... Perhaps it's a problem with my connection). Anyway, thank you for reading the previous chapter. Another thanks for those who clicked on the thanks button. Another extra thanks for those who have left some comments :)
@KyouyaAnis: It's always nice to see a new comment, especially an excited one. Thank you :)
@Tupi: You're welcome! Here's the next update :)
I have to apologize, though. Although I've said that this part will be written from Yuihan's PoV, I went ahead and wrote it from a third-person PoV. But, no worries, the third-person PoV follows Yuihan. All things considered, I think, this may be a more suitable PoV for this part. So, please don't hate me XD
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORNING LIGHT (4)
Onee-chan, I’m scared...
Don’t worry, I got you. I won’t let him hurt you.
But,... But, he got a knife...
But, he doesn’t know where we are now, so if we stay quiet, he won’t find us.
But, Onee-chan...
It’s all right, I’ll be here. I’ll protect you, okay?
...Okay.
Good. Now, sleep Yui. Sleep. The police will be here soon. We’ll be safe. For now, just sleep...
Yokoyama Yui was startled. She did not mean to take a nap. But, no matter how hard she tried to stay awake, sleep would sneak past her and everything would replayed itself in her mind. It was so vivid as if everything really did happen again for real—repeating itself over and over again. But, no matter how many times it repeated itself over the years, Yui could never do anything—let alone to change anything.
It was tiring. But, there was nothing Yui could do. The flashbacks were not something she could deliberately summon or cast away—not that she did not want to do just that. She wished she could do something about it. But, whoever was up there never seemed to grant her wishes.
Ten years ago, she decided to start taking some pills to help her sleep at night. When she was able to form a better routine without the pills, she thought that she would never have to worry about insomnia anymore. However, when that particular time of the year came around, she would start losing her night sleep again. She would stay awake for days until her body could not stand it any longer and started to shut itself down for multiple short naps during the day. But, each nap was always packed with its own terror.
Yokoyama Yui tried to turn to her right side, but she could not. Her body was stiff and aching all over. She also felt nauseous like she was having a massive hang over. When was the last time she got anything to eat? She could not remember. She did not even know what day it was or how long she had stayed in her room. She did not really care anyway. She would stay there for as long as it takes for the hurricane in her mind to pass.
“Ah, Yui-chan, you’re awake!”
Yui looked to her left side and found Kitahara Rie, who used to live with Sashihara Rino on the second floor, walking toward her with a bucket of water.
“Rie-san?” she knitted her brows.
“Haiiii,” the woman answered in affirmative while taking a lukewarm damp towel off Yui’s forehead.
“What are you doing here?” Yui’s voice sounded hoarse.
“What do you mean what I’m doing here? I’m taking care of you, of course!”
“But... You’ve moved to Niigata for work last year...”
“Yes. But, I am allowed to take a few days off and visit an old friend, aren’t I?”
“But... How did you get in?”
Rie, who was squeezing the towel after soaking it in the bucket, stopped her movement and looked at Yui with a bored expression.
“Really, Yui? We’ve been friends and neighbors for years and you think I didn’t know where you hide your spare key?” she said while folding the damp towel and put it back on Yui’s forehead, “You should really change the hiding place from time to time, you know. Otherwise, some bad people may find out and break into your place.”
“Well... There’s nothing worth robbing here,” Yui said while looking at the ceiling.
“Probably. But, you are here and anything can happen, you know,” Rie said, looking worried.
Yui did not say anything in response. She just kept on looking at the ceiling, feeling the cold damp towel on her forehead. Did she have a fever? Was that why she felt nauseous? She could not even keep track on the current state of her body.
“Yui-chan...”
Rie’s voice broke her quiet musing.
“You know that Sasshi and I care about you, right?”
Instead of answering the question, Yui asked, “How’s Sashihara-san?”
“She’s all right. Long distance relationship turns out to be harder and more complicated than we initially thought. But, we can still manage. She has a really good career in Hakata. Being able to work with idols seemed like a dream comes true for a big fan like her after all. But, even with all her busy schedule managing the group, she never forgets people who are close to her. In fact, she was the one who called me last night, saying that we may need to check on you, considering that your health problems usually come up around this time of the year.”
Once again Yui did not say anything in response. Seeing her like that, Rie just sighed and patted her head.
“I was going to make some lunch and prepare some dinner for later. But, there’s nothing in the fridge. So, I’m going out for a bit, okay? I’ll just grab some things from the grocery store nearby. I’ll be right back.”
Yui looked at her retreating back for a while.
“Rie-san,” she finally said.
“Yes?” the woman turned around.
“Arigatou...”
“No need to say thanks,” she smiled widely, “For now, just get some rest, okay? Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Sleep was actually the last thing Yui wanted to do. She would rather stay awake for as long as possible. So she just stared at the ceiling.
She did not know how long she had been staring. But, it did not seem that long until she could hear the sound of the flat door being opened.
“Rie-san?” she called out.
No answer. But, she could hear a pair of shoes being taken off before the sound of footsteps came closer.
“It sure was fast...,” Yui said absent-mindedly.
But, still, there was no answer. It felt odd. Kitahara Rie was always the attentive type who would respond to anything others said, no matter how trivial. So, when the footsteps sound came even closer, Yui turned her head to the side, trying to take a look at her.
To her horror, the person who looked back at her was not Kitahara Rie.
It was a masked man with a bloody knife in his hand. He loomed above Yui, ready to swing his knife anytime. In shock, Yokoyama Yui felt as if she was petrified.
No... No... You’re dead! You can’t hurt me! You’re not real!
The man smiled. Although half of his face was hidden beneath the mask, somehow, Yui could just tell that his lips were slowly stretched into an evil grin. Then, he raised his knife, holding it with both hands above Yui, ready to strike.
Run, Yui! Run!
She could hear her sister’s voice in her head. She really wanted to run far far away—as far as possible from the masked man. But, her body would not move no matter how hard she tried. So, she tried to close her eyes as tight as she could and prepared herself for whatever would happen next.
Yes, that’s it Yui. Just close your eyes. Go to sleep. The police will be here soon. I’ll be here when you wake up. Just sleep for now.
But, when Yui opened her eyes again, no one was there. Not even the masked man. But, she could hear the sound of a siren in the distance and she saw some blinking red lights.
It’s over, Child. It’s already over.
She could hear someone said.
You are safe now. You will be okay.
So they said. But, as they were saying that, Yui could see some people in white uniforms wheeling two bodies on the stretchers. One was smaller than the other, but both were fully covered with white bloody sheets. When she saw a small hand with a pink floral bracelet came out from under one of the sheets, she immediately knew.
No, no, no! Don’t take my sister away! You can’t take my sister away! Onee-chan...!
She could feel her body being held back. The harder she tried, the stronger they were in dragging her away from that place. She could not do anything but wailing. She kept on calling her sister while deep inside blaming herself for letting everything to happen. It was supposed to be her on the stretcher, not her sister...
“Yokoyama-sensei?”
Yokoyama Yui was startled awake. Again. She did not know how many times it had happened over the last few days. The terror would keep on repeating itself in every twisted version possible. Then, Yui would no longer be able to tell dream from reality apart. She would be so involved in whatever scenario her mind was playing at the time, then she would be awaken so abruptly with her body in cold sweat. This time, her hands were also shaking.
“Are you all right?”
The voice filled with concern was not Kitahara Rie’s. So, Yui rubbed her eyes and squinted, trying to have a better look at the person sitting right beside her bed. The face she found there made her wonder whether she was still sleeping and it was just another twisted version of her flashbacks—the continuation of the previous one.
“...Shimazaki-san?” she said, not sure if she was right.
The woman in question averted her eyes by looking at the floor and confirmed it with a rather awkward, “H-hai...”
Yui closed her eyes tightly, not believing that it was happening. She did not know how Shimazaki Haruka could end up in her flat. She did not really want to know. Not now. She got a lot in her mind. It felt like her head was going to explode anytime. She could not deal with anything else right now.
“I’m sorry to come without any prior notice,” she heard Shimazaki Haruka said, “I came to the school earlier... to apologize for everything that happened a few days ago... But, I heard that you haven’t been coming to school, so...”
“Shimazaki-san,” Yui interrupted.
“...Yes?”
“How did you get in?” she asked.
“...Kitahara-san let me in...”
“Where is she now?”
“...She’s outside, answering a phone call...”
“All right, then... This really is not a good time for me. So, I need to ask you to leave.”
There was silence. Yui knew that she was being awfully rude. But, she could not have Shimazaki Haruka there while she was trying to get through all these recounts of a horrific past—not when the woman was also a reminder of another past she had been trying to move on from for years.
“Aah, Yui-chan! You’re already awake. Good. I was just done making some soup a few minutes ago before Sasshi called to ask how you’re doing,” Kitahara Rie chimed as she walked back in.
She might not be able to read the mood in front of her. But, Yui immediately made it more obvious for her.
“Rie-san, please see Shimazaki-san to the door.”
Her request stopped Rie on her track.
“Eh?”
“Shimazaki-san is done here. I may still have some trouble walking around. So, would you please see her to the door?”
Confusion was written all over Kitahara Rie’s face. She looked at Yui to make sure that she heard it right. Yui might be a loner. But, in all the years they had known each other, she never saw or heard her being that harsh. Since she went through all the trouble to go and visit her, she thought, wasn’t the woman also Yui’s friend?
Kitahara Rie was about to question what happened. But, before she was able to voice what was on her mind, Shimazaki Haruka abruptly got up from her seat.
“I’m sorry to disturb you. I’ll take my leave now.”
She bowed a little to Yui, then rushed to the door. Yui did not say anything in response. But, she was fully aware of some wet spots her guest had left on the floor.
To be continued...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
Ahhhhh an update :on drink:
So, Yui had some dark childhood :on freeze:
Ahhh I hope Haruka will help her forget about the masked man. DARN YOU MASKED MAN :angry1:
I'll wait for the next update :byebye:
Hope you'll update soon :nya:
-
Dear Friends,
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
I promised a friend on Twitter that I would use a day off to write and post another update as soon as I could. So, here it is. Please do enjoy it as some kind of a Christmas and New Year gift :)
@Tupi: No worries. He's dead. The only one's hurting Yuihan now is just her mind and her memories. But, I'm sure with more support from others, she'll survive :)
@KyouyaAnis: Yes, she did. But, some people will help her... Well, perhaps not forgetting--because the more we try to forget, the more we'll remember. But, perhaps just forgiving... At least forgiving herself. :)
As always, thank you for reading the previous part, Friends. Another thanks for you who clicked on the thanks button. Another extra for the kind comments. Hope you'll enjoy reading this over the holiday :)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORNING LIGHT (5)
You see, Yui?
It doesn’t matter how dark the night was.
Eventually, the sun will rise and its light will cast the darkness away.
The first thought I had that morning was how beautiful the smile that had just lingered in my mind was. It felt like, with the mantra echoing in my head, the curse had finally been broken. I knew that it was the end of my nightmares.
I got up, trying not to step on Rie-san who was still sleeping soundly on the futon right next to the bed, and went to take a shower. Slowly, the sun rays sneaked in from the glass tiles window and I could hear some birds chirping. It was early.
It had been so long since I was able to wake up just before dawn and watched as the first morning light came in through the window. I used to just stay awake all night to see it. Then, the habit stopped about ten years ago when I forced my sleep cycle to change. The habit stopped after I realized that it did not matter how long I stayed up or how many times I drove around Saitama. I would not be able to see you again anyway... Or so I thought.
Shimazaki Haruka.
Who would have thought that I would see you again after all this time? Who would have thought that I would find you in my room for the second time after ten years of not even hearing anything about you at all? And I even had to be your son’s homeroom teacher? Life sure did love playing around—playing me around.
It was too much to take in. Too much. Especially, with my annual mourning period around the corner. Yes. I called it my “annual mourning period”. It was the time of the year when all the bad things I had witnessed in life came back to haunt me for a few days. It used to be worse.
“Yui-chan... You’re awake?”
I was having a cup of coffee while checking on some papers I had graded when Rie-san was finally awaken. She rubbed her eyes a few times then smiled—perhaps because she saw me in my work clothes, ready to leave. I tried to smile back and offered her a cup of that caffeine as well.
“Thank you. Feel better already?” she asked while receiving the mug I offered her.
I nodded, “A lot better than before. Thank you for helping me these past few days.”
“You know, last night, Sasshi just said that she’d like to visit you tomorrow. Just to make sure that you’re okay. But, it seems like there’s nothing to worry about anymore,” she smiled again.
“Yeah. All better now. I could finally get a good night sleep last night,” I responded, “It will be nice if she can come. But, I don’t want her to force herself to do that in the middle of her hectic schedule.”
“Nah, don’t worry about that. She’ll manage.”
There were a few minutes of silence. We just sat there sipping our coffee while drowning ourselves in our own minds. It was still 7.00. I still had about half an hour before I needed to take the bus to go to the school.
“This year’s mourning period of yours,” Rie-san finally broke the silence, “Seems shorter than the last time, doesn’t it?”
I thought about it for a while and answered, “Yes. It is shorter.”
Rie-san smiled, “It’s good, right? Perhaps, from now on, it will really get shorter and shorter each time until you don’t need to be bothered by it anymore.”
I doubted that but, I did not want to let her down so I gave her a small smile and said, “Perhaps.”
There was another minute of silence as Rie-san tapped on her phone—perhaps sending Sasshi-san a good morning text.
“Nee, Yui-chan,” she said when she was done tapping.
“Yes?” I answered absent-mindedly.
“Is it okay if I ask?” she seemed like she was hesitating.
“About what?” I asked back, wondering about her hesitation.
“Shimazaki-san.”
The sound of your name being mentioned was like a gun-shot to my ears.
I was just out of my mourning period. I still did not know what I should think about you. Neither did I know how I should act around you.
When Hikaru was transferred to my class, I just bitterly smiled as I read the name on his files—thinking that, if you were really pregnant and gave birth to a baby boy, he would probably be as old as that little guy now. But, then, a little over two months ago, I was stunned as I met his mother in the teacher’s office. It was really you—in the flesh.
I tried to act like I did not care—like I did not know you, like I had never met you. I tried to be as professional as I could because, I thought, you would not remember me anyway.
It had been a decade after all. Although there was time when I gave you rides, 36 times, back and forth, in over two months, it was always around midnight or even later. It was always dark and all you did was sitting at the back. You might not be able to see my face clearly and we only exchanged a few words occasionally. I did not even know your name—nor did you know mine.
Yes.
There was that morning. The morning when you cried about not wanting to be alone so I tried to keep you company. There was that morning when I took you home after our long ride to see the sunrise at the beach. The morning when I tried to take your misery away...with more than just a kiss and a promise that everything would be all right.
But, there was no way that you would remember me even after that. It was not me on your mind after all. I was sure about that. I was just a replacement, right? I was just a consolation. You even thought that I did it for money. So, why bother remembering the face of a stranger you paid just to get you through the night—or, in this case, the morning?
“Yui-chan?” I must had been silent for a while because then Rie-san said, “Sorry. We don’t have to talk about her if you don’t feel comfortable.”
I shook my head. No. It was actually not okay. But, it did not matter if we talked about it now or later. I doubted that I would be able to give her a better answer anyway—and I kind of owed her some explanation after the drama I put her in when you were here two days ago.
“No. It’s okay. What would you like to ask about her?” that was what I finally said.
Rie-san took another sip of her coffee before she carefully said, “You and her... Well, was she a friend of yours?”
Were you? It was interesting that Rie-san used the past tense in that question. I guess, the way I treated you left an impression that, even if we were friends, by the time she stepped back into the flat, we were not anymore. But, that was a really interesting question. Were we friends?
As much as I would like to think that we were, I was fully aware that we were not. It was all business, wasn’t it? You were just a customer and I was just a random taxi driver you happened to meet a few times. So, I shook my head.
“Eeeeeeh?” Rie-san showed her surprise, “She came all the way here to see you when you’re sick. So, I thought she was your friend and I let her in. I’m really sorry, Yui-chan! After lecturing you about the danger of leaving your key where it usually was, I was the one letting a stranger to enter your place! I’m really really sorry!”
I smiled at her reaction and shook my head again, “She was not a stranger either, though.”
“Eh?” Rie-san was clearly confused, “So, she’s an acquaintance after all? Has she ever been here before? When I met her, I did think that her face look familiar, so I was convinced that she’s your friend...”
I turned my gaze to the cup of coffee in my hand and said, “Well,... Her name is Shimazaki Haruka. Sashihara-san would definitely know her.”
“Eh? A friend of Sasshi’s?”
“Although it may be better if you don’t say anything to Sasshi-san. It seems like Shimazaki-san doesn’t want to attract too much attention to herself nowadays,” I added as an afterthought.
Rie-san seemed like she was trying so hard to remember—perhaps not believing that there was an old friend of Sasshi-san’s that she did not know or never heard about. She was probably trying to repeat your name in her head over and over again while going through all the memory in there. After a few minutes, her eyes suddenly opened wider. The realization came in that “Aha!” moment.
“Shimazaki-san?” her voice was an octave higher, “Shimazaki Haruka-san???”
It was hard not to chuckle at her reaction.
“The Salty Idol Shimazaki Haruka???”
I smiled and nodded.
“So that’s why she looked so familiar! When she was still active in that idol group, her face was all over Sasshi’s tabloids and magazines!” Rie-san smacked her own head, “So, how did you know her?”
“She was a customer. We met a few times when I was still driving the cab.”
Rie-san nodded.
“But, Yui-chan,... it was like ages ago...,” she hesitated again, “If she was just one of your passengers, I wonder how she knew about where you live and why she went through all the troubles to visit you after all these years. And...that didn’t explain the interaction between you either... I had never seen you like that to anyone before...”
I smiled again—although I knew that it was a bitter smile.
“I slept with her once.”
Rie-san almost spat out the coffee she was sipping.
“And now I’m teaching her son at school.”
Now, she was definitely choking on the coffee. She coughed a few times and needed to take a few deep breaths before she could respond.
“So, she was an ex and now you’re teaching your ex’s son???”
I shook my head, “She was not an ex.”
“Eh?”
“It was only once. We were not in a relationship. But, yes, I’m her son’s homeroom teacher. Complicated, eh?” I smiled.
For a moment, Rie-san did not say anything. She was just wiping her mouth and the some little drops of coffee she spilled on the table. I looked at the time on my phone.
“I need to leave in five minutes, Rie-san,” I said, “You’re staying another night, right?”
“Yes. I’ll just wait for Sasshi to come tomorrow and leave when she leave.”
“All right, then. I’m sure you know where everything is. If there’s anything you need, please don’t hesitate to text or call me.”
She smiled and nodded as I grabbed my bag and got ready to leave. She saw me to the door and wished me a good luck for the day. But, right before I left, she called me again and said:
“It’s probably not my place to say this. But, well, you know that I’m quite a meddler and you were like a little sister for me, so... If it’s possible, you should probably try to talk with Shimazaki-san again. She looked really worried when I found her in front of the door the other day. And,... I wonder if her visit had anything to do with your mourning period ended earlier... I don’t know. It’s just an old lady’s hunch.”
Her words lingered on my mind for the whole day. Even as I was in the middle of teaching the class, when I let the kids to do their assignment, my mind went back to those words. I did know that I had to see you again. There was another home visit already scheduled for a couple months ahead after all. I would not be able to hide or skip your house then. It was part of the job. Since it was inevitable, it would probably be better if I apologize for my rudeness as soon as possible.
“Yokoyama-sensei!”
I was just walking out of the class that afternoon when I heard the voice. I turned around and saw Hikaru running toward me from his class. He stopped right in front of me—trying to catch his breath.
“Yes?” I got down on my knees to get to his eye level.
“I am really really sorry, Sensei!” he suddenly bowed deeply, his body formed the 90 degrees angle.
“Eh? What is this about Hikaru-chan?” I asked, feeling glad that he was not doing a dogeza—or else, I might get called to the principal’s office to explain everything.
“I misunderstood things and was very rude to you. I did not even let you explain. Mom had told me everything. I’m really really sorry. Please forgive me, Sensei!”
I smiled. I did not think that you had really told him everything. But, I got what he was trying to say.
“It’s all right, Hikaru-chan,” I asked him to stop bowing and smiled, “I understood. You were just trying to protect your Mom, right?”
He nodded while still looking down.
“Is there... is there anything I could do to get your forgiveness, Sensei?”
I tried not to chuckle. After going to that language school, his Japanese did improve. But, sometimes, it was just too formal and awkward.
“Did you feel bad?”
He nodded again.
“Then, it’s all right,” I smiled and tried to make him look at me, “You realized that you were wrong. You felt bad. Then, you apologized. It’s enough, Hikaru-chan.”
“B-but...,” he tried to argue.
“It’s all right. I’m not mad at you.”
He looked down again. He did not seem happy with my acceptance of his apology at all. Then, once again Rie-san’s words from that morning crossed my mind. Should I really just do as she said?
“Hikaru-chan.”
“Y-yes?”
“Would helping me make you feel better?”
His face was suddenly lit up.
“Yes, Sensei!”
“Then, I do have a little favor to ask,” I smiled, “If it’s not too much of a trouble.”
To be continued...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
Yeay update!!! :on woohoo:
The feels really strike me this time cause Paruru is graduating :mon cry: :mon cry: :mon cry:
Please update soon! And thank you for the update :mon sweat:
-
How lucky, I did not know you continued the story!
-
Dear Friends,
Thank you for the warm responses. Reading some great fics lately encouraged me to write more as well. So, here's another update :)
@KyouyaAnis: I understand that feeling. I couldn't even bring myself to watch the graduation live. So, I'll just pretend that it didn't happen and let YuiParu always live through my fics... But, anyway. Yeay! Here's the update :)
@Minami-chan: Hello, there! It's nice to see your comment again and I'm glad that now you know :lol: . Hope you enjoy the continuation as much as you enjoyed the previous story :)
As usual, thank you for the comments, the thanks, and the silent reading, Friends. Have a nice end-of-year reading (while I get back to my end-of-year cleaning XD ).
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORNING LIGHT (6)
“Yes? Let me see...”
I adjusted the position of my glasses and looked closer to the screen.
[Is this all right?]
The man on the screen asked as he showed me the pattern of a new product.
“Yes, go ahead with the production of the samples. When will you be able to send them to me?”
[Next week? We can try to finish it faster, but it will probably just finish one or two days earlier. Unless... of course if we compromise on the quality of the end products...]
“No, I don’t want to take that risk. Next week is all right. Just make sure that you use the fastest shipping service to send the samples to me.”
[Understood, Ms. Shimazaki. Is there anything else I could help you with?]
“No, that will be all. Thank you, James.”
With that, I ended the Skype call and sighed. As much as I wanted to take a break, I knew that I still had some people to contact. So, I logged off Skype switched to another window to send some emails to my business partners. But, before I even typed a greeting, my phone vibrated, informing me that I got a FaceTime call.
“Hello, Miss Itano.”
[Paruru-chan! How are you?]
Her smile made me smile as well.
“I’m fine. Thank you for asking. I was just about to send you an email regarding the new products.”
[Ah, yes. How is the production going?]
“I have just contacted the workshop in Ascot. They’ll send the sample of the new products to me next week. If everything goes well, they will be ready for the display by the end of this month. I hope that is all right.”
[Yes, no worries. As long as you can send the display before the end of next month, it will be all right. But...]
“But...?”
[How are you really?]
“What do you mean?”
There was silence for a while. Miss Itano just squinted as she looked at the screen—as if trying to take a better look at my face. Then, she took a deep breath and sighed.
[I am just a bit worried because, not only that you are quite late in sending this season’s display, but also... Well, I have seen the design you sent me. Isn’t it... a bit dark for a summer collection?]
“You think so? Should I change the color? I can also change the design if it’s that bad. I can still call James and delay the sample production for a day or two.”
[No, no, no! I don’t mean to say that it’s bad. To be honest, I quite like the design. The colors are still acceptable for summer. It’s just that... It’s not like your usual style or choice of color. So, I was just wondering if everything is all right over there.]
“Well... Everything is all right, Miss Itano...”
[But...?]
I bit my bottom lip before replying, “No. No ‘but’.”
[Are you sure? Is it about Hikaru’s father? If it’s too much to take, you can always come back here, okay? Or at least, move away from Tokyo. Smaller towns or even rural areas may be better for your health. Not to mention that the view may also give you some new inspiration.]
I took a moment to let her words sink in. I did have some uneasy feelings. But, was it because of that man? Was it because it seemed as if his presence was everywhere?
Yes. It was true. It did seem as if I could see him everywhere—and seeing him tended to give me uncomfortable feelings. I felt miserable. I felt defeated. I envied him because, after all that happened between us, he could still maintain his career while I had to lose mine. Why was it only me that had to suffer?
But, no.
As much as I hated his father, I would never regret having Hikaru. Despite all the difficulties, I struggled and I managed. I learned and I grew a lot over these past ten years—all because of Hikaru. As for his father’s annoying presence, I just needed to ignore it—or at least, kept on trying to do so.
So, what was it that kept nagging me and left me feeling uneasy?
You already know the answer, don’t you?
Argh... Annoying conscience. But, did I really? If I had to think about it... there was only one other person that I could think of.
See?
Could it really be because of her...?
If not, then who else?
But...
[Paruru-chan? Hello? Are you listening?]
“Ah, sorry. What was that again?”
[You really make me worried, you know. I said, my younger sister still lives in Kanagawa Prefecture. If you’d like to relocate, she’ll be happy to help. It’s not in Yokohama, but still not too far away from Tokyo. So, you can still commute if there’s anything you really need to take care of there. But, it may be easier to avoid seeing him in the small town than in Tokyo.]
I smiled.
“Thank you, Miss Itano. I really appreciate that,” I said, taking a deep breath before adding, “But, no. I’ve found a school and an additional language school for Hikaru here. He is still adjusting, but I can see that he really likes his new friends and teachers. It won’t be fair to make him change school again right when he just started to feel comfortable. Besides...”
[Besides...?]
“I can’t run away forever, right? Some things are inevitable. Sooner or later, I need to deal with whatever it is I need to deal with. So, it will be better if I learn to face my fear, one step at a time, just like what Doctor Jay said. It won’t be easy. It will be unpleasant and hard, but I need to keep going until I won’t feel bothered by it anymore.”
[...All right. Then, how is it so far?]
“Hard,” I laughed, “I’m not going to lie. It really is not easy. I prefer to turn the TV off and stay in the apartment as much as possible. But, whenever I need to go out, his face will pop up out of nowhere. But, I can’t just turn off the big screens in Shibuya or Shinjuku or Akihabara or wherever they are, right? I can’t buy all the newspaper and all the magazines in this city and burn them either. But, I’m still alive right now. So, I think it’s good.”
Miss Itano knitted her brows.
[Yeah... that must be hard. I’m very proud of you for being able to stay strong in the middle of that madness. If it’s me, I may not be able to stand even a day there. I’ll definitely book a ticket right back to London.]
I laughed at her response.
“Well, I can still handle it if it’s just about him...”
[If it’s just him?]
I sighed.
“I met someone else from the past and... For a certain reason, I can’t avoid this person either.”
[Eh? I didn’t know you have another ex besides Hikaru’s father. Didn’t you say he was your first and only boyfriend?]
“She’s not an ex.”
[She?]
“Well... It’s complicated. If it’s not you, Miss Itano, I may not even be able to mention this at all. Let’s just say that she was...well, still is, a really nice person. But, I did something wrong to her.”
[Well, I don’t know what your relationship with her was. Whatever it was, I’m not going to judge. But, if you did something wrong, why not just go talk to the person and apologize?]
“That’s what I’m still trying to do...”
“Moooooooom! I’m hoooooooome!”
I looked up from my phone. Having the conversation with Miss Itano, I did not even hear the sound of the front door being opened.
[Is that Hikaru?]
“Yes,” I smiled.
It did not take long until Hikaru popped up at my bedroom door, grinning from ear to ear.
“I’m home,” he repeated.
“Welcome home,” I said, as I gestured him to come closer for a hug.
[Hikaru-chan!]
“Aaaah, it’s Miss Itano! Hisashiburii,” he said while bowing to the phone.
[Huh? What’s with that? You usually just said that you miss me, no bowing. Don’t you miss me?]
“Uuh... I do miss you. But, the sensei at the language school said that it was what I supposed to say and do if I see someone I haven’t seen for a long time...”
Miss Itano laughed.
[I can see that you’re learning a lot, Lad. I miss you, too. But, I have to go now. Be good to your mom, okay?]
“I will.”
We said our goodbyes and ended the FaceTime video call. I put my glasses and my phone away, then went to prepare some afternoon snack for Hikaru. He followed me to the kitchen and I could not help but noticing that he kept on grinning.
“Well, you look awfully cheerful today. Are you really that happy that you got to talk to Miss Itano?”
“Yes!” he exclaimed, “That and I have something for you, Mom!”
I raised my brows as he ran to his backpack, took a purple envelope out, and ran back to give it to me.
“What is it?” I asked as I took the envelope from his hand.
“Yokoyama-Sensei finally came to school again today!”
His words stopped me from opening the envelope.
“I went to see her after school to say that I was really really sorry. She’s really kind! She said that it’s all right. When I asked if there’s anything I could help her with, because I felt really bad, she just asked me to give the letter to you!”
Hikaru then went to wash his hands. Meanwhile, I was torn. I wondered what Yokoyama-sensei wrote in the letter. But, I was too afraid to open it.
Didn’t you say that you need to face your fear? One step at a time?
Argh... damn conscience!
Well,... You’re the one who said so...
I know, I know.
I gathered all my courage to open the envelope and took a piece of paper out. As I opened the folded paper, I could see that she did not write much. The content of the letter was only:
I’m really sorry for the other day. Perhaps, we started it off on the wrong foot.
If you don’t mind, let’s meet up and start over from the very beginning.
Yokoyama Yui
Under her name, she left her number and a LINE Id.
I knew that she meant well. She was a kind person indeed. I was the one who needed to apologize. I left her confused after my breakdown and Hikaru’s accusation. Then, I came to her house uninvited and unannounced. But, she went out of her way to apologize first. I should have been grateful and accepted her invitation to meet up... Right?
Right.
But...
But, what?
I don’t know if I’m ready. What if it doesn’t go well? What if something happen and I break down again? What if...
So what if they do happen? Would you let those what ifs to control your decision? Your life?
I don’t know... What should I do?
I don’t know. What do you think you should do?
To be continued...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
Yashhh update!!~~~ :on woohoo:
I wonder who the father is? :mon huh: But all I know is he's a bastard :angry1:
Well hope you'll update soon! Thanks for the update :kneelbow:
-
Need moooore!!! :inlove: :inlove: :inlove:
-
Dear Friends,
How are you? It has really been a long while, hasn't it? I hope that you are all well. A big change happened in my life earlier this year. It was a positive change. But, this change was also the reason why it took me about 6 months until I could start writing for fun again. I will try to post some more chapters this month. But, after that, I may need to take another long break to focus on life. Thank you for everyone who had been reading the previous chapters. An extra thanks for those who left a thank you. Another extra thanks for those who left a comment. And my special thanks to anyone who was still patiently waiting for more story in this thread. It really means a lot to me :)
@KyouyaAnis: Well, he is, isn't he? I am still torn whether I should make him appear in the next chapters or not. I don't want him to mess with YuiParu. But, I understand that conflicts may make a story more interesting. Although...it may also make it a lot longer than I intended to write... :P
@Erza_Jerusalem: Here's more. Sorry that it took such a long time for this update. XD
@Tupi: No worries, Tupi-san. But, I agree. She should not think too much. :)
So here's a new chapter. Hope you enjoy reading it, Friends.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORNING LIGHT (7)
I pulled over at the school’s parking ground. In a few minutes, the bell would ring and the school would be over for the day. I stayed behind the wheel, hesitating for a moment.
What am I doing here?
I berated myself. I knew Hikaru could just take the bus to the language school. There was no need to pick him up. But, here I was anyway—dreading the possibility of seeing her with picking up Hikaru as my excuse. Not that I actually needed an excuse to be there.
The sound of the school bell startled me back from my self-musing. I stepped out of the car and closed the door—trying to do everything very slowly before I decided to just stand there and braced myself for the inevitable.
Then, I saw her walking out of the class to the corridor. Children had started to flood the school yard—happily chatting with one another as they walked out of the school premise without forgetting to greet their sensei as they went. She smiled as she replied their greetings—reminded them to be careful on their way home and to do their homework later.
Had I ever seen her smiled like that? Yes, I thought I had. It was the same smile she showed me a few times—the smile that always seemed sympathetic and full of understanding yet… at the same time, it also felt kind of… lonely?
“Mom!”
Hikaru squealed happily as he saw me. It startled me and it seemed to startle her as well. As Hikaru came running toward me, her eyes met mine and she immediately bowed politely.
“Are you going to take me to the language school? I can go there by myself you know,” he said that, but he was smiling from ear to ear.
“Well, if you don’t want me to, I can go home now,” I said as I ruffled his hair.
“Noooooooooo,” he protested as he held my hand.
I was still teasing Hikaru further when I sensed her coming closer.
“Good afternoon, Shimazaki-san,” she bowed.
“Good afternoon, Yokoyama-sensei,” I bowed back.
For a moment, both of us seemed at loss for words.
“I believe that you have received my letter?”
“Yes.”
“Once again, I apologize-”
“Yes, about that,” I cut her off mid-sentence, “I actually come to talk to you in person.”
I took a deep breath before continuing with, “I need to take Hikaru to the language school first. Would you mind coming with us?”
I could see that she was hesitating for a second.
But, in the end, she smiled that lonely smile and said, “No, I don’t mind.”
The air in the car was so thick, anyone could have cut it with a knife. But, oblivious to the high tension between us, Hikaru just chatted happily with his sensei along the way. When we finally pulled a stop at the language school, Hikaru stepped out of the car and said his goodbye. I offered Yokoyama-Sensei to move to the front seat and drove away.
She did not say anything. She just kept looking out of the window at her side. When we stopped at a traffic light, I glanced at her. She smiled as she looked down at her hands.
“What is it?” I asked as the light turned green.
She shook her head.
“Nothing. It just feels nostalgic in a reverse kind of way. Being in the same car with you, I mean.”
I did not reply although I understood what she meant.
“Are we going somewhere?”
No. We were not going anywhere. I did not know where to go. I just knew that I had to see her and talked to her.
“If you haven’t decided on a place,” she said, as if reading my mind, “Would you mind going here?”
She showed me a location on her phone.
“But, it will be one hour drive from here,” she smiled, “So, I don’t mind if we go somewhere else.”
I did not mind. There were still three hours until Hikaru came home from the language school. Long drive always made me feel calmer. Driving away from the city might also help in avoiding any annoying image of that man. So, I agreed.
We spent the next hour in silence, except for some random comments here and there about how the view had changed in the last ten years. I could see that she really tried to start some light conversations—perhaps hoping to make the atmosphere feel less awkward for the both of us. I really appreciate that. But, I was never good at keeping a conversation going—even more so when I tried to find my way in an area I was not familiar with.
However, as the coastline had started to be visible from the side of the road, I realized that I actually knew the place.
I pulled over at one parking spot and stepped out of the car. The beach was not long. But, it was really beautiful. Some small shops lined up closer to the road and the parking spots. It was not yet summer, but some people could be seen sitting or lying down on the beach sand while chatting with friends. It looked kind of different. Perhaps, it was because we came in the afternoon when the sun was still shining brightly. But, it had also been ten years after all. Many things had changed.
“This place is--“
“Yes,” Yokoyama-sensei responded, “It has been a long time, hasn’t it?”
I did not answer. I just started to stroll on the shore. Yokoyama-sensei quietly followed.
“That was the place where I used to wait for the sun to rise,” she said after a while.
I looked up to the cliff she was pointing at. I recognized the faded white fence bordering the edge of the cliff. So, it really was the place she took me that one time.
“I did not come there anymore. It’s the first time I visit this place after ten years…”
That caught my attention. I turned around and tilted my head a bit to the side.
“Why?” I asked.
But, she just smiled and continued strolling. No explanation given. Perhaps, it was none of my business anyway. So, I did not ask further. But… ten years?
“Aaah! Yui-chan! It’s Yui-chan, right?”
An old lady walked out of her small seaside shop when she saw us passing by. Yokoyama-sensei smiled and bowed politely.
“Hisashiburiiii,” the old lady affectionately held her hands, “Are you here to visit your aunt and uncle?”
Yokoyama-sensei shook her head, “I’m here with a friend.”
Friend? I did not know if the term could correctly describe our relationship. But, there was no need to confuse the lady. So, I just tried to be polite and bowed.
“Aah, come, come! I have some dango at the shop. Why don’t you two come and have some?”
The old lady left no room for argument as she took our hands and pulled us along. I glanced at Yokoyama-sensei. She gave an apologetic smile.
“I’m really sorry, Shimazaki-san,” she finally said as we sat in front of the shop with some dango in our hands, “Yamada-san never takes no for an answer.”
I raised the dango I was holding.
“She just gave me something to brag about. Hikaru will be so jealous. So, there is no need to apologize.”
She chuckled.
“So… Yamada-san is a relative?” I asked, trying to return the favor and started a conversation.
She shook her head.
“A family friend. She’s my aunt’s best friend. We used to live close to each other.”
“Aah… so your aunt and uncle live around here?”
She smiled, “I guess you could said so… They are buried in the temple’s cemetery up the hill.”
“Ah! I’m really sorry--“
“It’s all right. It’s been a few years.”
We fell silent. For a few minutes, there were only the sound of the wind, the waves, and other people talking to each other. I did not know how to resume the conversation after that. Perhaps, it was time to do what I came here for.
“Yokoyama-sensei.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Eh?”
“For being very rude when you came over the other day.”
I looked at the sand beneath my feet as I said, “No, Sensei. It’s me who should have said sorry. First, I suddenly cried uncontrollably and got you in a complicated misunderstanding with Hikaru. Then, I came to your house without even asking if it’s all right. I could only hope that I didn’t get you into an argument with your girlfriend when I left so abruptly.”
“My girlfriend?”
“Yes… Kitahara-san, right?”
She burst out laughing. I could only look at her, confused.
“I think you don’t need to apologize, Shimazaki-san. You just need to stop making assumptions.”
“Excuse me?”
“She’s a really good friend. But, not a girlfriend,” she laughed some more, “Her partner will immediately come all the way from Hakata to strangle me if I dare to be anything but a really good friend of hers.”
“Aah… I’m really sorry!”
Yokoyama-sensei waved her hand in front of her face, signaling that it was all right—although she was still laughing. I felt so embarrassed. Perhaps, I should just stop talking before I embarrassed myself even further.
“About what happened during the home visit, you really don’t have to apologize,” she said when she finally stopped laughing.
“Emotion is a tricky thing. It may come and wash us over whenever it likes and we may not always be ready for it.”
“But…,” I tried to reason, “I did not even try to explain anything to Hikaru and he ended up accusing and blaming you for everything, Sensei.”
She smiled and moved her gazed from the sea to the sand beneath her feet.
“Shimazaki-san… If we can turn back the time and repeat the day all over again, do you think you will really be able to explain it to Hikaru?”
I opened my mouth to reply. But, nothing came out. Yokoyama-sensei turned her smiling face towards me. I turned away to avoid her gaze.
“I have a confession to make.”
Her words turned my face back to hers.
“I have PTSD.”
To be continued...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
Thanks a lot for this new update ! :D
It's amazing, as always ! *0*
I'm waiting impatiently the next chapter ! ^_^"
-
OMG! that was so intense. I really want that both remember about that crazy night together~
-
Dear Friends,
I hope you enjoyed the previous chapter. As promised, I come back with another one :) I am feeling quite productive this week. Let's hope that it will persist until at least another week :lol:
@Miniju: Thank you. Hope I didn't make you wait for too long for this chapter :)
@Haruko: Was it really? I wonder what you think about this one then. I tried to fulfill your wish... Well, kind of. I'll see what I can do in the coming chapters :P
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORNING LIGHT ( 8 )
“Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. You had probably heard the name before.”
I still stayed silent. She turned her gaze back to the sea.
“Something bad happened a long time ago. But, it still comes and haunts me through recurring flashbacks. Sometimes they come when I am asleep, sometimes when I am wide awake. They tend to get worse at a specific time of the year, around the anniversary of the incident. When that happened, I can barely function. I lost control of some things. Emotion is just one of them.”
I tried to process what she was telling me.
“After knowing this, won’t you be worried to leave your son in my care, Shimazaki-san?”
“Should I be?”
“Well, it is not the kind of state which will make me hurt anyone. But, it may still create some confusion or scare some people. So, although I seem to get better over the years, when it happens, I prefer to take a leave from the school until it passes.”
“Then, I do not need to worry.”
“No. But, some parents may still be. That is why I don’t usually talk about this with others, especially parents.”
“But, you are telling me this.”
“Yes, Ma’am. I was kind of gambling on what your reaction might be,” she chuckled. “I am sharing this because I want to assure you that there’s nothing to apologize for when you lost control of your own emotion. I don’t know what happened in your life, but I kind of understand. It must be something big if it could bother you that much.”
I did not admit or deny her words.
“I am also sharing this to explain why I was being rude to you before. I am not proud of what I did. But, it was that time of the year and I really wasn’t in the condition to be a proper host. I deeply apologize for that.”
I let a second passed before responding with, “I’m sorry. But, I cannot accept your apology, Sensei.”
“…I see.”
“Because there is no need to apologize,” I tried to give her a smile. “If my losing control over my emotion was not something to apologize for, then your inability to entertain an uninvited guest was not a mistake which need apologizing either.”
She looked stunned for a moment. But, then, she responded with a smile of her own. Right at that moment, I felt like we had both come to an agreement. We had revisited and accepted everything that had happened in the recent past. We had let them go, and we had moved on.
“Thank you for your understanding,” she said.
We let some time passed in silence while we finished our dango. It was not an awkward or uncomfortable silence at all. It almost felt like we were just two old friends sitting in front of a seaside shop in an unplanned reunion. Surprising. But, not unpleasant. It was interesting how an exchange of a few words could turn a situation around.
“Shimazaki-san…,” she said at last. “May I ask you a question?”
“Yes?”
“It may make you feel uncomfortable. So, it’s all right if you don’t feel like answering.”
I turned my gaze from the sea to her face.
“When I came for the home visit, did I… Was it because of something that I did? Did my presence trigger a bad memory?”
I knew that this kind of question would come up. When I strengthened my resolve to see her, I had also prepared myself to explain what happened at that time. But, I never imagined that she would ask with such an expression. It was as if she was embarrassed… or ashamed. It was as if she felt guilty of a mistake she never made.
“No,” was my answered.
But, she did not seem convinced.
“Well,” I said as I tried to form better words in my mind. “It was not because of you, Sensei. It was not what you did. It was what you brought back.”
She looked confused for a moment, but then her expression changed.
“The money.”
I tried to smile. But, even to me, it felt bitter. Very bitter.
“It was not my money. I didn’t want it back.”
I could feel my chest started to tighten. I did not like this feeling. I felt like throwing up. But, I understood that I needed to explain this. I did not know what the future held. But, there was always a chance that I would need to explain this to someone else. To some other people. So, I needed to be stronger.
“It was given to me by someone.”
My eyes felt hot. They were brimming with tears. I tried to hold them back.
“Ten years ago, … It was given to me so I could… So I would…”
Why was it so hard to say the word? That stupid word.
“It was given to me so I could go to a clinic to…”
I tried again and failed miserably. Hikaru’s face flashed in my mind. I could not hold back my tears any longer.
A handkerchief was handed to me. Again. I took it in silence and buried my face in it.
“Hikaru’s father?”
I could only give her a nod. I tried to hold back a sob. But, again, I failed miserably.
I hated this. I hated when I felt like this. It had been ten years for God’s sake. Why did it still hurt so much? Why did it still feel so hard to talk about it? Shouldn’t I feel angry? Wouldn’t it be better if I could just spit it out? Wouldn’t it be all right to talk about this and curse him? Talk badly about him and his stupid decision? About the decision he forced me to make? He had ruined my life after all.
Then, why? Why was it that after ten whole years, the only thing that I could feel was pain? Why couldn’t I let go? After all, he didn’t love me. Although he said that he loved me. I thought he loved me…
I felt my body shook as I continued sobbing. Then, almost immediately, I felt an arm went around my back. I was pulled into a warm embrace where I stayed until the very last of my silent sobs.
Yes. She was a friend. I never needed to lay myself bare. She already understood. She did not judge. I felt accepted. I felt safe.
“I’m sorry about that,” I finally said. “It seems like, each time we meet, I always end up ruining your handkerchief.”
She laughed.
“Don’t worry about that. I still have some spares at home.”
It made me laugh a little as well.
“How many handkerchiefs do you actually have?”
“Hmm…,” she acted like she was silently counting. “Enough?”
We laughed again. This time, my tears were no longer of misery. I dried them with her handkerchief.
“Thank you…,” I whispered.
“No, Shimazaki-san,” she shook her head. “Thank you for sharing. It’s never easy to share something like this with others. Pain, however small, will always come along when we try to recall an unpleasant memory.”
Yes. She did. She understood completely.
“To be honest, the money made me feel very uncomfortable as well. There was time when I was disappointed and furious because I thought that you left it for…,” she seemed like she was trying to choose her words carefully. “For what happened between us that one morning…”
“No! it’s not like that at all!” I tried to explain as I felt my face flushed. “I just didn’t want to hold onto that money and I thought… I thought…”
“You thought that I might need it more than you did?” she smiled.
“Yes…,” I quietly admitted. “I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t make such judgment either.”
She shook her head.
“No, you shouldn’t. Now that I know where that money came from, I kind of understand. But, at that time, I didn’t know anything and I felt humiliated. The fact that you were already gone before I woke up didn’t help either. Some explanation might have spared us some misunderstanding and discomforts. But, although I tried to look for you after that, I couldn’t find you. I couldn’t get that explanation.”
“I’m sorry…”
She shook her head again.
“I am not telling you this to make you feel bad or to get your sorry, Shimazaki-san. I am just trying to explain the situation from my point of view, to let you know why I kept the money all this long despite my resentment toward it. There were times when I thought that I would never see you again so I should probably just give the money to charity or something. But, each time I tried to do just that, I couldn’t. Perhaps…”
She stopped.
“Perhaps?”
She took a deep breath and sighed.
“Perhaps, somewhere in the back of my mind, I still believed that I would see you again someday.”
She did not look at me as she said that. Her gaze was fixed to the sand beneath her feet.
“And, suddenly, here I am.”
She chuckled bitterly.
“Yes. It was really a sudden. Right when I was about to lose all hopes, too.”
I studied the side of her face as she said that. How deep had I actually hurt this woman? How big was the pain that I left without knowing? Did that morning mean that much to her?
“I’m sorry. I know that we barely knew each other. I didn’t even know your name,” she tried to laugh. “And it was just one morning…”
But, I felt like I’ve known you forever.
Somehow, I kind of expecting her to finish it off with that sentence. But, she just sat there, biting her bottom lips with her eyebrows drawn, forming a squint. Her eyes never left the sand beneath her feet.
“When I saw you again at the school, I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was really you,” she smiled. “But, it had been ten years. You must have met many different people in life. So many different faces to remember. What were the chances that you would recognize a taxi driver who appeared in your life for just a blink?”
“But, I did recognize you.”
“Yes,” she smiled again, “Yes, you did. That was when I thought that I might have the chance to return what was yours and get my closure.”
“Then, I dragged you into my mess.”
She laughed.
“It’s not a bad thing, though,” she looked at me. “Otherwise, we might not have the chance to explain and hear each other out. Thank you, Shimazaki-san.”
I shook my head and replied with, “Thank you.”
She smiled. Then, she got up to say thank you to Yamada-san before asking whether I was ready to walk back to the car. I looked at the time and realized that we should really get going or I would be late to pick up Hikaru from the language school.
“Sensei,” I said when we were already on our way back. “Since you asked me a question, may I also ask you one?”
“Eh? Sure.”
“The reason you haven’t been coming to the cliff to watch the sunrise… Was it because of the bad thing which left you traumatized?”
“No,” she replied while looking straight ahead. “It was actually one of the reason I started waiting for the sun to rise.”
I raised my eyebrows. But, I did not say anything. I just made the turn to exit the highway.
“The flashbacks used to happen a lot more frequently,” she continued. “During the first couple years, they happened almost every day. They also tended to come at night. So, I had trouble sleeping and feeling very exhausted almost all the time that I couldn’t even attend school. My aunt was a psychologist and my uncle was a teacher in a local school. They saved me…”
Her voice quivered. From the edge of my vision, I could see her turning her head to look outside the passenger window. Yes. It was not easy to share one’s past to someone else.
“My aunt and my uncle adopted me. I was home-schooled. My uncle always tried to get home early from school so he could have the whole afternoon tutoring me. Meanwhile, although I was treated by a psychiatrist, my aunt also had an important role in my healing and recovery. She walked with me through every step of the long process. When I couldn’t sleep, she stayed up with me and we would talk about any random things. One morning, after staying up all night, she took me to see the sunrise. She showed me that, no matter how dark the night might be, the light would eventually shine through. I started developing the habit of watching the sunrise after that.”
She looked at her hands now. There was a smile on her face. It still seemed a bit lonely. But, it did not seem forced.
“Wonderful people,” I commented.
“Yes. They really were,” she responded.
“So, you stopped watching the sunrise after your aunt and uncle passed away?”
She shook her head.
“They passed away a few years ago. I stopped even before that.”
I raised my eyebrows again and made another turn before continuing with, “May I ask why?”
“You may,” she smiled. “But, we’re here.”
I pulled a stop in front of the school. She mentioned earlier that she still had some things to take care of before going home. So, I agreed to drop her at the school on my way to pick up Hikaru.
“So, I guess it’s a story for another time,” she said as she unbuckled her seat-belt.
“I guess so,” I gave her a smile.
She said her thanks before going out of the car. I replied with a similar thank you and waved her good bye. I caught her reflection in the rear-view mirror as she walked away. I started to drive away soon after.
I did not pursue further for an answer. I could not pursue further. Part of it because I knew that it was not easy to share personal details of one’s life to others. The other part is because, somehow, I felt like I already knew the answer for my own questions.
To be continued...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
It was fast ! :D
We finally know a bit about what happened with Yui \o/
Thanks for your update ! :D
-
I really love how this story is going. Now a lot of questions have been answer it. I wanna know that happen next.. Friend? or just Teacher-mother relationship..?
-
Dear Friends,
Thank you for reading the last chapter. Another thanks for those who clicked the thank you button and/or leave comments. I tried to keep on writing. I knew where I wanted to take this stories. I'm just still having troubles picturing how I wll take it there. So, any suggestion is more than welcome :)
@Miniju: No worries. I did try to update as fast as I can :)
@Haruko: Thank you. I am also wondering about that... :)
Anyway, here's the continuation. It's kind of short. I was conflicted between writing this or writing a new story for Yonjujo. Well... perhaps we'll see some updates on that thread as well? Perhaps...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORNING LIGHT (9)
What kind of food do you like, Sensei?
Eh? I like many kinds of food…
What’s your favorite?
Perhaps… Niku-don. Why?
Let’s go somewhere that has niku-don next time. I just happen to know the best donburi shop around this area.
Eh? Why? What about you, Shimazaki-san? Don’t you have anything you would like to eat, too?
Don’t worry. That place also happens to serve the best shio ramen.
Aah, so shio ramen is your favorite food?
Eh? Not really. I like many kinds of food.
Yokoyama Yui smiled at the memory. Life sure was full of surprises. Who would have thought that she would be able to befriend the woman who had left her so broken-hearted and ashamed years ago? Until last year, even meeting the person again seemed like nothing but impossibility. But, now, they met up for lunch and some occasional hang outs almost regularly.
Granted. It was not the kind of relationship Yokoyama Yui ever hoped for. But, she had decided to stop hoping anyway. She just tried to live and enjoy the here and now. After all, being able to spend that much time with the woman, without any awkwardness filling the atmosphere between them, had been a miracle in itself.
“Ooh, Yui-chan’s smiling! What a rare sight! I wonder if it will rain tomorrow!”
Oshima-sensei’s voice brought Yui back from her self-musing. She was in the teacher’s office that afternoon, looking over the grades of her homeroom students. Oshima Yuko just came into the room and walked straight toward her.
“And you look like your usual cheerfully loud self, Oshima-sensei,” she replied.
“Well, I really am loud all the time, aren’t I?” Oshima-sensei laughed. “Wait! What’s with the ‘Oshima-sensei’? It’s Yuko-chan, you know! Yuko-chan! Why do you act so distant? We’ve known each other since way back!”
“Well, the distance had grown since you deliberately gave out my address to people without my consent.”
“Ooh… so you’re still sulking about that? Come on, Yui-chan! it’s been over a month! And it’s not like I gave it out to just anyone! Besides… didn’t it work out well in the end?”
“What make you so sure about that?”
“Well, that smile of yours, of course.”
Yui gave her a sideway glance with an irritated expression.
“Is it really that rare for me to smile?”
“Well… not really.” Oshima Yuko tried to think before continuing with, “It’s not really the frequency. It’s more about… the intensity? The impression? Let’s just say that your smile seems more genuine and happy lately.”
Yui did not respond. She did not want to admit that Oshima-sensei was right. But, she knew that it was true. The more time she spent with Shimazaki Haruka, the more at ease she felt. It seemed like she could take her mind off of anything. She could just focus on the light conversation they were having. Even though the conversation was not about anything in particular. Even though the conversation might not mean anything at all--at least, not for Shimazaki Haruka.
All this time, she had gone through her life feeling numb most of the time. The only times she felt something were when she was terrorized by the reminiscent of her horrible past. Sure, she had some friends with whom she interacted with. Sure, she had smiled, laughed, and even get mad at them from time to time. But, it never lasted long. It was always just fleeting reactions she tried to give at the appropriate times to stay functioning and fitting in the society. Even when she experienced some sort of emotions, she could tell that the numb feeling was still there, inside her, nagging. So, she never felt truly excited or furious. Well, almost never. Because, apparently, Shimazaki Haruka was like that much-needed extra tug, which tipped her off balance. In a good way. Or so she hoped.
There she went hoping again. Even after she had told herself over and over again to stop. She sighed.
“Ooh… Now Yui-chan is sighing.”
Yokoyama Yui felt more irritated.
“Why are you here anyway?” she asked the gym teacher.
It was late in the afternoon. All the other teachers had gone home or wherever else they needed to be. Yokoyama Yui decided to stay a bit longer to review her students’ grades to see if any of them would need to take some make-up classes and exams before the report cards were handed out.
“Ooh, that’s right!” Oshima Yuko put her hands together as she exclaimed. “I just finished my rounds to make sure that all students have left the building and locked the rooms up. I was about to go home, too. But, then I saw Shimazaki-san at the parking ground. I thought she might be waiting for you so I decided to come and let you know.”
“What? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
Yokoyama Yui took her phone out of her bag. She always put it in silent mode while she was at school. She had not checked it because she was busy working on some papers before. That was why she missed some LINE messages from Shimazaki Haruka, asking whether she was still at the school and wanted to have dinner together. She decided to call.
[Hai. Moshi moshi.]
“Ah, Shimazaki-san! I’m really really sorry! I was working and I didn’t see your messages.”
[No, it’s all right. We didn’t have a plan to meet today and I should have called instead of texting you.]
“Are you still at school?”
[Yes…]
“I’m really sorry to make you wait for such a long time! I’ll be there in a minute!”
Yokoyama Yui ended the phone call and scrambled to tidy up the papers on her desk. Oshima Yuko watched in amusement. Her lips formed a smirk.
“Are you really sure that nothing good happened lately?” she teased.
“No,” Yui answered.
“Hmm...it looks like something for me~,” she continued in a sing song voice.
“Yuko-san,” Yui finished her tidying up and grabbed her bag. “I really have no time for this.”
“All right, all right! Go! Don’t be late for your date!”
“It’s not a date!” Yui shouted back as she hurried out of the teacher’s office.
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll just make sure that you’ll tell me all about it later,” Oshima Yuko grinned.
To be continued...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
YuiParu date ! Yeay~ :D
Thanks for your update ! :D
-
HAhaha Oshima sensei knows! Another date?! What is thinking Haruka?! Also I want to know about the lesbian thing... Haruka consider herself like a bi or something like that
-
Dear Friends,
Happy New Year! Long time no see. I hope you are all doing great. I come back with a new chapter. Rather short, I guess. But, well, better than nothing, right? Anyway, thank you for everyone who read the previous chapter. Extra thanks for you who hit the like button and/or left a comment. Really, thank you.
@Miniju: Thank you for seeming thrilled for the possibility of YuiParu date. I am sorry if this chapter doesn't meet your expectation (not to mention that it took to long until it is here).
@Haruko: Oshima-sensei always knows, right? Hehe... We will have a deeper look into Haruka's mind and feeling in the next chapter. (Let's hope that I can come up with that next chapter soon...)
Anyway, here it is. Hope you enjoy reading it :)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORNING LIGHT (10)
[I’m really sorry to make you wait for such a long time! I’ll be there in a minute!]
Right after saying that, Yokoyama-sensei ended the call. I moved the phone away from my ear and stared at it for a moment. She really did not need to apologize. I came to school in a whim. Hikaru and I went to visit the grandparents earlier and, soon after, I found myself alone for the rest of the weekend.
“I am going to go fishing this weekend,” I recalled my father said. “Do you want to come with me, Hikaru? We can go fishing together! I will teach you!”
Hikaru did not say anything. But, I could see the excitement grew in his eyes.
“Ooh…it would be nice,” my mother joined in. ”Baba can also prepare some food and Hikaru’s favorite snacks. We can have a picnic near the river! Would you like that?”
Hikaru started to fidget. He looked like he would burst anytime. But, he was also trying to be in his best behavior. So, instead of jumping in joy, he just turned his face toward me, silently asking for permission.
“You can go if you want,” I smiled.
“Yes!” he immediately exclaimed and gave me a hug.
My smile grew wider.
“But, be good and don’t trouble Jiji and Baba, okay?” I added before I forgot.
“Eh? You’re not coming with us, Mom?” Hikaru asked, pulling himself back from the hug.
“Yes, why don’t you come with us, Haruka?” my father asked as well.
I shook my head.
“I have a product design due soon and I need to consult Miss Itano first. She has been very busy lately, but she had cleared her schedule tomorrow so we can have a video call,” I explained.
I did not lie. I really did need to have a consultation with Miss Itano that weekend. But, it was not the main reason.
Hikaru had been living so far away. There were some video calls and infrequent visits to the grandparents since we moved to Tokyo. But, Hikaru had never really had the chance to bond with them. I wanted him to have that chance... Even if it meant that I would feel lonely…
“Shimazaki-san!”
The voice startled me. Yokoyama-sensei was half-running. Her long hair looked a little messy from rushing to the parking ground. I felt an urge to reach out and tidy it out. But, I was not sure if it would be all right with her.
“I am really sorry to make you wait for so long!” she bowed deeply.
“It is all right, Sensei. I am the one who should say sorry for coming unannounced.”
She shook her head and smile.
“So, … how about the dinner?”
“Of course! I would love to have dinner with you!”
We got into the car and drove away. I promised to take her to my favorite donburi shop before. We agreed that it might be a good time to fulfil that promise.
We filled the air with conversations about Hikaru. I told her about how my parents kidnapped him for a fishing adventure. She laughed at my choice of words and commented on how lucky the kid was for being ‘kidnapped’.
Funny. We had spent many times together the last few months. Yokoyama-sensei may be the closest person that I could consider as friend in Tokyo now. But, our exchange stayed formal.
“Somehow, it feels strange to keep calling you ‘Sensei.’”
I did not realize that I was thinking aloud until Yokoyama-sensei responded with an, “Eh?”
“Ah, sorry. I didn’t really mean anything by that. Please just forget what I said,” I hurriedly said.
She looked at me with her head a bit tilted to the side.
“Ah… Is that because we now spend more time together outside the school?”
“…Sou desu.”
“If that is so, then, you only have two options, Shimazaki-san.”
I gave her a questioning glance.
“You can either stop spending time with me outside the school…”
I frowned at the suggestion.
“Or you can start calling me Yui,” she smiled.
I made a turn after a traffic light and let the seconds tick as I weighted my options.
“I will just call you Yokoyama-san. Outside school,” I decided.
“Eeeh? Why? All of my friends call me Yui.”
I smiled at her protest. “No. If my memory serves me right, they call you ‘Yui-chan’.”
“Well, you can call me that, too,” she laughed.
“It won’t feel right. You are older than me after all.”
“Eh? How can you be so sure?” she chuckled.
I raised an eyebrow and gave her a smirk.
“All right, all right. ‘Yui-chan’ is out of the question, then.”
I laughed as I pulled the car to a stop. “Here we are.”
We got off the car and I was immediately struck with a sense of nostalgia. I used to come to the shop all the time. Sometimes with some fellow members of my idol group, sometimes by myself. I noticed some slight changes in the color of the wood and the glass of the shop front. The shop signs were also new. But, other than that, it was exactly as I remembered it to be.
“Are we going to get in?”
I did not realize that I was just standing in front of the shop until Yokoyama-sensei voiced that question. There was an amusement in her smile—perhaps from seeing me overly washed by emotion just because of a donburi shop. I had a feeling that she would tease me about it later.
I was about to tell her to wipe the smirk off her face when the door of the shop was slid open. Yokoyama-sensei moved aside to give way and a man walked out, followed by a woman who was holding his hand. They glanced absent-mindedly at us as they passed, and I felt like all blood was drained from my face.
I reached for Yokoyama-sensei’s arm out of instinct, praying to any and every god there was so they would not notice me. I had changed. I had different hair color now. Different hairstyle. I wore less make-up. No fancy clothes. Surely, they would not recognize me. Would they?
The women did a double take. The man then turned to look as well. A sudden realization.
“Paruru?”
My nightmare had come true.
To be continued...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
That scene with the grandparents made me miss my grand folks as well. That was really cute. :)
Haha.. The choices Yui gave somehow leaves Paruru without any choice but to call her by her name but Paru was wise enough to dodge it. Haha. That was a nice scene. :)
And yeah... I sense trouble with the last scene. Probably Hikaru's dad, am I right? What a timing to ruin the YuiParu moment. :angry:
Anyway, welcome back DeNight-san! I got excited when I saw the update I clicked so fast that my thumb got burnt. Haha. I hope you had happy holidays~ Have a good year ahead! :cow:
-
Haha, finally Paru doesn’t want to call Yui by her name ^^
Nooo! YuiParu moment will be ruined! :(
Welcome back and Happy New Year ^^
-
You updated! I'm happy! :cow:
Hikaru father!? :angry:
Welcome back de-night San! And happy new year :deco:
-
MORNING LIGHT очень понравился. Продолжайте писать, пожалуйста. Great Job.
-
:angry: that jerk...
-
Dear Friends,
Apologies for neglecting this thread for over a year. Happy (belated) new year 2019. And happy lunar new year as well. I am really happy to see more comments and likes, from old and new friends. Thank you :)
@shortcut48: Thank you, Shortcut-san! I did have a good year. Hope you did, too. And many more ahead :) I would not comment on the potential trouble ahead. I guess you just need to wait and read :P
@Miniju: Happy new year, Miniju-san :) ! Sorry that I was not back for long. Seeing your productive writing encouraged me to resume YonjuJo Yuriannin fic as well. So, please look forward to it.
@Rhythm: Thank you, Rhythm-san :) Guess the last chapter made you happy and angry at the same time :D Hope the next one will spread some warmth.
@Crisl: Спасибо! Hope you'll keep on reading XD
@jcreww: Which jerk :oops: ? Hope this chapter can make you less angry (although, if I can bring myself to write more, the future chapters may be more irritating :P )
Anyway, I have not been writing fic for a long time. I had to use different English system as well these past couple years. So, my writing style may have changed a bit and you may find more typo in my future fics. Regardless, I hope this short update can bring you some reading joy :)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORNING LIGHT (11)
“You know them?” Yokoyama-sensei asked.
I threw a glanced, shrugged my shoulder, and voiced a, “No,” before pulling her arm to get her walking.
I dared not to look back. I could only hope that I still had some of the acting talents I possessed years ago and walked right into the donburi shop. I hope the actions managed to convince them that they got the wrong person.
The waitress greeted us when the door opened. But, I could not hear what she said. My eardrums were throbbing from the sound of my racing heartbeats. I guessed Yokoyama-sensei must have responded to the greeting because the next thing I knew was we were seated in a rather secluded corner table. She then slid in to sit next to me instead of across me, shielding me from the rest of the world.
I felt a touched on my hand. Yokoyama-sensei is covering mine with hers.
“It’s all right. They didn’t follow us in.”
Right at that moment, I realized that I had been squeezing her arm tightly.
“I-I’m sorry,” I said as I let go of her arms.
But, even then, my hand was still shaking. It also felt stiff and looked pale from the lack of blood.
“Is-is your arm all right? I’m sorry I-“
“It’s all right,” she cut me off while taking my hand in hers and started rubbing it gently. “I am all right. Are you?”
I looked up and saw the kind smile on her face. No. I am not all right. I am not. I wanted to cry. I could feel an urge to break down right then and there. But, I did not want to make a scene. I did not want to make things worse.
“We can leave, you know,” she said. “You don’t have to force yourself to eat here. I can drive you home.”
My tears started to fell. Once again, she seemed to be reading my mind. I felt that I am understood. I felt accepted. I felt like it is all right to be my broken self… How can someone be this kind?
She pulled out a handkerchief like she always did. She used it to wipe my tears.
When the waitress came with the meals she might have ordered as we were seated, she apologized and asked for them to be wrapped as a take away. She then asked if I felt all right to stand up and leave. When I nodded, she took my hand and walked ahead. She paid for the meal, took the food, and opened the door. She looked around for a bit, trying to make sure that those people were not there anymore, before guiding me to my car.
She led me to the passenger side of the car and asked me to unlock it. She then walked around to the driver side and got in. She asked for the key and started the car. But, even before drove away, she still took some time to ask me:
“Is it all right if we go to your house now?”
We drove in silence. But, whenever I looked her way, she made sure to glance back and show me her kind smile even though I never returned it with mine.
When we arrived at my apartment building, she asked if I felt all right to leave the car. She then opened the door for me and took my hand, guiding me to enter the building until we reached my unit door. She then asked me to open the door and guided me in. She took hers and my shoes off, brought me into my room, and tucked me in bed.
Even in my non-functioning state, I did not feel alone until she said, “Take some rest, okay? I will stay for a while. I will just be outside the door. You can call me if you need anything.”
No.
No, no, no.
I do not want to be alone.
Please… don’t leave me alone!
I grabbed the back of her shirt as she turned away. She stopped and turned back. Our eyes met, and she stayed silent for a while.
“Let me just turned the lights off,” she finally said.
I let her go.
She went to the light switch and flipped it off. She then went to the window and closed the curtain, blocking the early evening city lights away.
In the dark, I could feel the bed shifted as she climbed in from the other side. I turned to face her, and I felt her arms reaching out and engulfed me in a warm embrace.
Please.
Please be here until the morning comes.
To be continued...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
:panic: :panic: :panic: :welcome BACK !!!
:deco: :deco: :deco: :panic: :panic: :panic:
Best day ever.
-
UWAAAAAA
Saikou desu !
I really love your fic autor-san !
You got me into Yuiparu :inlove:
Yuihan is so kind in this fic. I also love how is Paru~ I Hope she will be fine in the end :panic:
I'll be waiting for an another update !
-
Dear Friends,
It's been three years. I have no excuse. Life happens. The last three years have been very challenging. Hope everyone are well and keep on surviving.
@wmxmy: Glad that I made your day :)
@Yuina: Arigatou. You may not be waiting anymore after three years. But, I do hope you find this new chapter one day :)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORNING LIGHT (12)
I woke up a few times that night.
I did not dream, but I felt anxious, not wanting to wake up to an empty bed, an empty house, with a haunting past as my only company. The warmth that I found whenever I woke up reminded me of the kind soul that had turned herself into a human blanket, shielding me from the rest of the world.
I could tell that Yokoyama-san was trying to stay awake for a while. The first few times I woke up and stirred, she immediately checked on me, asking if I was all right. Somewhere around midnight, she fell asleep, but she never let me go. Even now, as the morning light sneaked past the small gap between the closed curtains, her right arm was draped around my waist, keeping me close as her little spoon.
Yokoyama-san.
Why was it that, whenever I felt lost, I always turned to you? Why was it that you were always there and responded kindly even after what I put you through?
I turned around to face her. My movements woke her up.
“Ohayou…,” she said while trying to open her eyes fully.
She retreated her arm to get her phone out of her pants pocket. I missed that arm already.
“It’s already 9?” she groaned, looking at the clock on her phone. “Sorry, I fell asleep.”
I shook my head, hoping that she knew that I did not mind. I wanted her to be there.
She started to move away, but my hand immediately found one end of her shirt, stopping her movement.
She looked at me with questions in her eyes. I could not say a thing. I had no right to stop her from leaving.
“Do you want me to stay?” she asked.
I nodded, but could not bring myself to voice it.
She smiled her kind smile and covered the hand that was holding onto her shirt with her own.
“Then, I will stay. It’s all right. It’s Saturday. I have no appointment with anyone. I just need to use your bathroom. Probably also use your kitchen to prepare some breakfast after that. Is that all right?”
Again, I nodded. I remember that we had not had any dinner the night before. The take away food was probably left somewhere on the kitchen table. She must be starving.
“...Sorry,” I said, finally finding my voice.
She smiled again, tucking a strand of hair out of my face, and looking straight to my eyes as she said, “There is no reason to apologize, Shimazaki-san.”
She patted my head gently a couple times, put a light kiss on my forehead, fixed the blanket to cover me properly, then went out of the room.
As I touched the place that she kissed, I wondered what we were.
What do you think you are?
I thought we were friends. She was kind and caring. But, friends would not embrace each other all night, would they?
What do you want to be?
I do not know. I had never thought about starting anything with anyone. Not after everything that happened ten years ago. I never wanted to drag anyone into my mess.
But, she is already in your mess.
True. But, continuing this way would not be fair for her. I felt like I was taking advantage of her kindness all over again.
Well, she does not seem to mind.
Still not a reason to drag her deeper into this.
I got up and moved away from the bed, not wanting to have any more debate with my voice of conscience. I walked out of the room to find Yokoyama-san frying some eggs in the kitchen. Light smoke was coming out of the rice cooker, signaling that steamed rice would be ready soon. Two small bowls of miso soup were already on the table.
When she saw me, Yokoyama-san smiled and said, “I hope you like rice and eggs in the morning. I’m not much of a cook.”
The aftermath of yesterday’s encounter with a ghost from my past was still lingering, and I did not know what to think about all this. I still did not know what we were, what we should call this parent-teacher friendship that felt far more intimate than it should be. But, seeing Yokoyama-san in my kitchen, trying to take care of me, made me smile. It made me feel loved. And whatever this relationship might be, I felt like I wanted more of it.
We had a nice breakfast. Although I was mostly silent, she filled the air with light talks. She waited until we finished our breakfast to ask the big question.
“Is it all right if we talk about what happened yesterday? You can say no if you don’t feel comfortable.”
I shook my head a little.
I did not feel comfortable. I would probably never feel comfortable talking about it. But, I knew that I owed her an explanation.
“It is all right…,” I said.
She reached for my hand from across the table and gave it a light squeeze.
“The man from yesterday… Is he Hikaru’s father?”
Long silence. Recalling him, I could feel my hands start to tremble. She gave another squeeze of support. I nodded.
“Could you describe how you felt when you saw him?”
I never really thought about it before. I was used to immediately changing TV channels or quickly moving away from anything that could remind me of him, not wanting to give any chance for the feelings to overwhelm if I could.
“Startled… Rage... Frustration... Fear..,” I tried to identify. “But, mostly rage and overwhelming fear.”
Yokoyama-san nodded in understanding.
“What was it that you feared?”
Again, it took me a while to search for the words.
“To be recognized. To be questioned about the past ten years. To be trapped into a media circus when the words got out...”
“And the biggest one?”
“To get Hikaru taken away from me.”
I could feel tears falling down as I voiced those words. I could not lose Hikaru. I would lose my life.
“That was what I thought,” Yokoyama-san said as she moved to wipe my tears with her fingers.
“Shimazaki-san,” she said after a while, “I may never fully understand how you feel because I never experienced what you have faced in your life. It may also not be the best timing for me to say this. I may cross a boundary here, but I think I need to say it.”
“I don't know if you have known this or not but, with the Family Law in Japan, any children born from unmarried parents will be under the sole custody and responsibility of the mother. No one can legally take Hikaru from you.”
I looked up to her face, not knowing about that before.
“But,” I could feel my chest tightened, anticipating a catch. “At the same time, parental child abduction may not be recognized as a criminal offense. So, your fear is still valid. If one day the father found out about Hikaru and took him, as long as he could prove that he was the father, Japan’s legal system may not be able to order him to bring Hikaru back to you.”
I tried to process her words in my mind carefully. Fear tightened his grip on my throat.
“What should…what should I do?” I asked.
She gave my hand another squeeze before continuing with, “I don’t exactly know either. But, it seems like if it is possible to arrange a written agreement with the father, it can be used so that he can never contest your custody rights or take Hikaru without your permission. I have a friend who is a lawyer. She will be able to explain this to you in more detail. I can make a call and ask if she can help if this is something you want to do.”
My hope rose as I listened to her explanation. But, my hesitation also grew, fearing what the arrangement would entail.
“Shimazaki-san,” Yokoyama-san gave my hand another squeeze, “You don’t have to decide now. It’s a big decision and the process won’t be easy. Arranging a written agreement means you may need to see him, be in the same room with him, and disclose about Hikaru’s existence to him. And we don’t know what his reaction will be. So, I just want you to know that you have this option and think about it. Take it into consideration, and make a decision only when you are ready, okay?”
I looked into her eyes and saw nothing but concerns and compassion. I squeezed her hand back, trying to let her know that I understand her good intention.
“Arigatou…,” I said, trying to form a smile.
I knew that I was not ready. I was not strong enough for all that. I might never be ready or strong enough.
But, that day, I have had my resolve.
To be continued...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
Dear Friends,
Thank you for reading the previous chapter. Extra thanks to those leaving thank you. You know who you are and I am very grateful :)
It's coming to an end. Not this chapter. Probably the next.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORNING LIGHT (13)
The past one and a half years was a blur.
It was very challenging and time seemed to drag itself slowly when I was living through it all. But, now that it has come to this point, it felt like everything happened in a blink.
One and a half years ago, Yui-san–yes, somewhere along the way, we started to address each other by our first names–suggested that I took some legal measures to ensure that no one could take Hikaru’s custody from me. I took her suggestion, but things did not get better. On the contrary, it got worse. I got worse.
About a month after I accidentally met the man, after all my summer collections were released, I told Yui-san that I would like to try making all the legal arrangements. She then contacted her lawyer friend, Oya-sensei, and set up a meeting for us. As I sat through the meeting where Oya-sensei explained what the process of making the arrangements would be like, my mind went wild with all the possibilities. I told Oya-sensei that I needed more time to think.
As I arrived home, my mind had not stopped conjuring images. It ran all the possible scenarios, but mostly the bad and the worst. It simulated all the possible reactions that the man would have, and it terrified me. I spiraled to more depressive episodes. Whenever I got better, I thought about proceeding with the legal arrangements. But, before I could make any single call, my mind came up with the images of that man and his possible reactions, and I froze. Then, the depressive episode started all over again. I had to put a pause on all work plans to design and produce any new collections and what not for at least six months. Work was the last thing on my mind as I could not even take care of myself.
But, things usually get worse before they get better. That saying was true for my situation.
During my series of depressive episodes, Yui-san did not ask or push me to move forward with the legal arrangements. She just came over, almost every day, to make sure that Hikaru and I were taken care of.
“I’m tired…,” I finally said one evening when I could find my voice. “I’m tired of feeling afraid… I’m tired of being like this… Why can’t I live a normal, happy life just like everyone else?”
I crumpled into a sobbing mess in her arms for the nth time.
“Are you ready to get some professional help?” was the only question she asked.
Yui-san had offered to find me a new psychiatrist and therapist. Someone who could do home visits. I did not know exactly how she did it, but she got in contact with Miss Itano to get her updated about my condition and get professional advice from Doctor Jay, my previous psychiatrist. But, I was not ready to respond then.
That evening, when she asked, I finally nodded. She took care of everything.
I was in therapy for three months before I started getting better. Not completely recovered, but functioning. The goal was to make sure that I feel in control enough and strong enough to go through with making the legal arrangements for Hikaru’s custody. Deep in my heart, I just felt that things would get better once I could get it done. No legal document would be able to protect us from all possibilities, but it would aid us in continuing our life.
At one point, as advised by Nakamura-sensei, my current doctor, I took Hikaru to see a child psychologist and family counselor. Gradually, we discussed the existence of his father and the legal arrangements that I was aiming to get for his custody. We gave him time to process it at his own pace. I told him that, if he wants to overturn the decision in the future and sees his father, he could. I would not hold him back or prevent him from seeing his other parent, no matter how much it would break my heart.
“No,” he said in one of our counseling sessions. “I don’t need him. I just need you, Mom. I want you to get better.”
I said that he might change his mind in the future. He shook his head.
“I have been happy living with you. I just want you to be happy, too.”
I remembered crying, saying sorry and thank you multiple times after he said that. He cried, too. As we hugged, I felt that he saved me all over again.
One and a half years was the total time that we needed to move from the donburi shop incident to today. I had had to meet the man in person, be in the same room a few times for the legal arrangements to be made. He was with his lawyer and I was with mine.
At the beginning, he had entertained the idea of getting to be in Hikaru’s life. I almost spat to his face. After all this time, he had the nerve to talk about seeing Hikaru, making it public, and being a real father. I threw up and could not keep my food down for a few days after that meeting.
Fortunately, after a couple more meetings, Oya-sensei managed to convince him and his lawyer that it would not be good for his career. While the revelation might put his face on the front pages of the mainstream media for a couple weeks, tabloids would dig deeper into the story, into the scandal of me leaving the country eleven years prior. They would put two and two together and reveal that he had been abandoning his son and the mother for the last eleven years. His popularity would take a nosedive as young housewives and mothers, the majority of his current fans demographic, would sympathize more with my situation.
It was sickening to see how, after more than a decade, he was still the selfish narcissist that he was. Upon hearing his lawyer confirming that possibility, he did a 180 on his position. But, at least, for once, that side of him gave me an advantage. He agreed on signing the documents as long as it contained clauses that stated I would never make his identity public or sue him for any child support.
As if I would ever want to do that.
His lawyer insisted on rechecking the documents in detail once more before we submitted them to the Family Court. Today is the day we were supposed to receive the documents back, stamped and sealed by the court.
“Are you ready?” Oya-sensei asked with a wide grin on her face.
We were sitting in the client reception area of her law firm. I sat on one of the leather sofas, in between. Hikaru and Yui-san. She sat on the other sofa, right across from us, with a small coffee table in the middle, where a big brown envelope was lying around.
Upon my nod, she took the brown envelope with two hands and held it out for me to take. I could feel my hands trembling as I took the envelope from her. After slowly opening the flap of the envelope, I took a bundle of documents out. Seeing all the stamped signatures and seals, I could not hold my tears back.
“Congratulations, Shimazaki-san,” Oya-sensei said happily, “From now on, you don’t need to worry about any custody battle anymore. Hikaru will always be with you until he reaches twenty and decides otherwise.”
Hikaru hugged me tight as he said, “No. I will never leave my mom.”
I hugged him back tightly, still could not stop my tears from falling. When I felt a light stroke on my back, I looked up to see Yui-san. She just smiled. Her eyes were bright, full of emotions and unshed tears.
“You did it, Haruka-san,” she said softly. “Congratulations.”
I nodded and closed my eyes.
After all these years, this time, I could probably start to be happy.
To be continued...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
Yes!! Finally Haruka is free!! Now she could date a certain person... If she wants of course. Waiting for the next chapter
-
Dear Friends,
Thank you for reading the previous chapter. Extra thanks to Haruko for leaving a comment. Making sure that Haruka is safe and ready to date the certain person has always been the intention all this long :)
Apologies that I will not be able to share her experience in details. I've been dragging this story for too long, for too many years. I'm just here to give myself a closure.
Thank you for following along all these years. For me, writing has always been an experience and a lesson all in itself. Your silent reading, thanks, and comments made it a lot more interesting.
Here it is, the last chapter.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORNING LIGHT (14)
It was a joyful night.
We ordered some food and had a nice dinner at home to celebrate the finalization of the legal arrangements. My parents, Yui-san, and Oya-sensei were joining us. We had long conversations before they called it a night. Hikaru was helping with the dishes before he went to bed. It was already a few minutes after midnight when Yui-san and I finished all the cleaning up.
“Here,” I offered her a cup of hot green tea.
“Arigatou,” she smiled as she took the clay cup from my hands.
We were standing next to the glass sliding door that led to my small balcony, looking outside to the dark night. The street had been deserted. Some lights in the surrounding apartment buildings were still on, giving hints that their residences were also still awake.
The weather had gotten colder by the day. But, no snow in Tokyo so far.
“So, have you told Itano-san?” She started the conversation.
I nodded, “I sent some text to let her know this afternoon.”
“How did she respond?”
I unlocked my phone and showed her a short video of Itano-san looking ecstatic, congratulating me for finishing the long battle. Yui-san chuckled.
“So, what’s next?” she asked.
I put my cup on the living room table and sat on the sofa before answering. She followed and sat next to me.
“I have had a discussion with Oya-sensei on drawing up a will.”
She looked alarmed at the mention of the legal document.
I smiled. “It’s nothing bad. I do not plan to die anytime soon. We just cannot predict the future so I want to make sure that, if anything happens to me before Hikaru turns twenty, the custody will be transferred to my parents.”
She smiled. “You have wonderful parents.”
“They are,” I smiled back. “Took them a while to process and accept everything but, once they did, they gave it their all.”
She nodded in agreement and took another sip of her tea.
“Are you still planning to move?” She asked after a long silence.
I took a deep breath and leaned back on the sofa before answering. “Yes. He has my current address, or, at least, can get his lawyer to get it, because of all the legal proceedings. I don’t want to risk anything if he ever changes his mind again.”
She nodded in understanding before continuing with, “Would it be far from here?”
“Not too far,” I answered. “I want Hikaru to be able to spend time with his grandparents whenever he wants. So, probably Kanagawa Prefecture like Itano-san always suggested, or somewhere else of similar distance.”
She smiled a little without looking at me before saying, “When?”
“Soon after Hikaru’s elementary school graduation. It will probably help ease the transition. He will need to part with some friends regardless as they go to different junior highs.”
“So soon…,” she responded while looking down at the cup in her hands.
I studied her face. The face that had become more and more familiar in the last one and a half years. I could tell that her gaze looked sad. But, I still could not read her mind.
“What about you?” I asked.
“What about me?”
“Yes. What’s next?”
She laughed, but the mirth did not reach her eyes.
“There’s no ‘next’ for me, Haruka-san. I will just continue my day as usual, continue teaching, seeing which cute faces will end up in my homeroom class next year. Same old, same old… Probably just get a cat when I feel ready.”
She is such a bad liar. While there were some truths in her words, it would not be the same.
She had been helping us so much in the past one and a half years. She always came here immediately after she finished all her work at the school. She stayed until late, either helping us around the house or just sitting to talk and keep me company, only going home to sleep, then repeating it all over again the next day. On days when she did not have to teach, she would stay over, sleeping on the sofa after spending the day with Hikaru and I. When I was at my lowest, she would hug and let me cry until I fell asleep, then leave my room to sleep on the sofa again. She would leave the bedroom door open as she went to the living room so I could easily find her when I woke up, preventing me from feeling alone.
We had been a big part of her life as much as she had been ours. Continuing her daily routines without us would not be a “same old, same old.”
I sighed. Anyone who had witnessed the way she treated Hikaru and I might have assumed that we have been dating all this time. It would be my first guess, too, if I saw anyone else in this situation. But, no.
I realized many months ago that I had never found the thoughts of being intimate with her to be repulsive. On the contrary, sometimes, I found myself wondering. Desire rose. Curiosity lingered. I just did not have anything to confirm how I felt.
All this time, there was nothing except some hugs and a few kisses on the forehead whenever I was deep in my mess. Our relationship was still as gray as a cloudy day. Our lines remained blurred. Everything stayed platonic and, sometimes, even formal. Like the way she never dropped the honorifics even when she called me by my first name.
I was also not in the capacity to do anything about it. I was not in the capacity to think about it. Heck. Sometimes, I was not in any capacity to think at all. But, now it’s different. Once we move, I do not need to worry about anything anymore. I would be able to focus just on my life and Hikaru’s. And I want her to continue being a part of that life.
“Why don’t you just move and live with us?” I blurted out the words without thinking.
It seemed to catch her off guard as she snapped her head to look my way. Looking into each other’s eyes, it turned into some kind of a staring contest. I might have just blurted the question, but I did not regret voicing it.
After a while, she shook her head, smiling. “It’s not something you can say lightly to a friend, Haruka-san.”
Was it really just friendship that we had?
“All right,” she continued, slapping her thighs softly. “I think it’s also time for me to head out.”
I reached out and held her right hand as she got up.
“It’s late. Just stay here for the night,” I suggested.
She looked down at me and smiled. “It’s true. But, I kind of miss sleeping on a proper bed.”
“You can sleep on my bed.”
Another staring contest in silence.
“Haruka-san…,” she started.
“Please.” I left no room for argument.
I rose up from the sofa and gave her hand a tug. She did not move, just stood where she was, staring. Was it disbelief in her eyes? Worries? Fear? Whatever it was, I wanted to make it disappear.
If there’s anyone that I could trust with my life at that time, it was her. I wanted to let her know that she could do the same. The more I thought about it, the more difficult it felt to just let her go. If she walked out the door that night, I would not know if I would ever see her again. Knowing her, she might try to put some distance between us to make it easier to say goodbye.
But, you don’t want any goodbye.
No, I don’t.
I gave her hand another tug and kept on walking towards my bedroom. Slowly, she finally followed.
In the room, I led her to sit on the side of the bed. I sat next to her. She looked down on our joined hands. I squeezed her hand firmer and called her name, urging her to look at me.
“You’ve done so much for me and Hikaru, and I can’t thank you enough for that. So, this will sound selfish, but I don’t want you to leave.”
There was silence before she let out a nervous laugh, “I can still come back tomorrow, Haruka-san. It’s not like I live so far away from here.”
“You know that’s not what I mean.” My words were met with more silence.
“I cannot, and I will not, force you to do anything that you don’t want to do. I will respect your decision even if it’s not what I want. So just…” I lost my courage somewhere along the sentence and looked down. “...Just let me be selfish one more time...”
I put my hand on her cheek, followed by my lips on hers. The kiss was chaste. It was almost like a butterfly just landed for a brief second before flying away. But, as it left, a million other butterflies broke free in my stomach.
I did not want any regret. I wanted her to know how I felt. I needed to know how she felt. I needed to know that I am not alone in this feeling.
The next thing I felt was Yui-san lips on my forehead. There’s no lust. No desire. Every touch that followed in silence was a promise without words.
As we lay down, all that filled my mind was Yui. All the names that escaped my lips were Yui’s.
It’s been a long time coming, something that I had pictured countless times in my mind before, not knowing how it would really feel when it happened. Not knowing how it would change us.
Pleasure was not a destination. It’s a companion, flowing steadily as we explore the feelings that had been abandoned for years. Different from all those many years ago, I did not stay to escape. I stayed to finally find home in her embrace.
When my name escaped her lips, without any honorifics, I hugged her tight, wanting to let her know that I would also be her home if she let me.
She opened her eyes after all the tension was released. She searched mine and I could see worries coming back, along with a sense of panic.
“Yui,” I said softly as I touched the side of her face. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
I could feel the sobs that came after. As much as she tried not making any sounds, her body could not hide the fact that she was crying. She was shaking while covering her eyes with one arm.
I moved and laid my head on her upper chest, hugging her tightly from the side.
“I’m sorry to ever hurt you. I love you.”
Her body shook harder upon hearing my words. I hugged her tighter.
Nothing really mattered anymore. The night had told me so. Whether she would move to Kanagawa with me and Hikaru or not, it did not matter anymore. The feelings she let out through her touch had told me that everything will be alright. We would make it work, no matter what her decision would be.
We stayed in each other’s arms until sleep claimed us in a gentle wave. As my eyes slowly closed, I heard her voice, whispering softly as she buried her face into my hair.
“I love you, too.”
The whisper turned all the midnight darkness of my life into the morning light.
END
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------