CHAPTER 25
“Good morning, Airi.”
Rena knelt in front of the small grave, her fingers slowly brushing the kanji engraved in the stone. Today was the first day of Fall, and also the anniversary of Airi’s death. For this occasion Rena had decided to pay a visit to her friend who had left this world but definitely not her heart two years ago.
So much had happened since the last time she faced the familiar grave, and there were so many things she wanted to share with her lost kunoichi friend. Nevertheless, no words left Rena’s lips. Instead, she gazed silently at the last proof of Airi’s passage on this earth. Memories of the moments they shared together invaded her mind, and the most joyful ones didn’t fail to put a smile upon her face. However, her expression darkened when their very last interaction came to the forefront of her mind and her brain shut down, refusing to relive what followed.
“I miss you,” Rena whispered.
The first times she found herself gazing at Airi’s tomb, a part of her refused to believe her friend had truly left her side. Although she had witnessed with her very own eyes Airi’s lifeless body, she continued to see her everywhere she went. Airi was still present around her, even in the air she breathed, and she didn’t know how she would have survived her absence without the unexpected help of her kenjutsu instructor.
Her mentor had passed away of natural death a couple of months after Airi, but not before he could teach Rena a few meditation techniques. At first, Rena was more than doubtful that it would be of any help, but still she listened to the wise man’s recommendations attentively. And, indeed, they managed to ease her sorrow gradually over time. But never erase it completely.
Rena suddenly perceived footsteps and she jolted out of her thoughts, tilting her head to her right in curiosity. The familiar long, dark-haired master kunoichi was approaching from afar, and Rena distinguished a flicker of hesitation in her eyes when they looked at each other. Her steps even slowed down, until she halted altogether a few meters from her.
“May I join you?” Rie questioned tentatively.
Rena studied the 24-year-old girl who was keeping her distance cautiously, knowing perfectly well why she was acting this way towards her. When Airi was still alive, she got along with the kunoichi master of the clan, but they had barely shared a word since that fateful moment two years ago. Unfortunately, Rena’s irrational actions had provoked a profound uneasiness that had not dissipated one iota since that day. “Of course, Kitahara-san.”
Despite the polite invitation, Rie didn’t move forward when she heard Rena calling her with such formality. When they spent time the three of them with Airi, she always addressed her by her first name but, evidently, nothing was the same anymore since their common friend was gone. They had barely interacted together since that day and when they rarely did, there was always a third party present. In fact, it was the first time in two years she found herself completely alone with the kenjutsu instructor.
When Rie noticed that her interlocutor wasn’t paying attention to her anymore she finally joined her, looking down momentarily at the small grave, before kneeling by Rena’s side. It was not the first time Rie visited the cemetery to pay her respects to her most trusted and devoted spy, but the usual silence of the place had never been so heavy. Discreetly, she tilted her head to her left, observing the quiet woman who had her eyes set in front of her.
“I know you will never forget,” Rie spoke up at last. She was doing her best to keep her voice steady, but apprehension was building up inside her at the unknown turn this conversation was going to take. “But I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive me for sending Airi on this mission.”
Rena’s baffled expression would have made Rie laugh if she wasn’t dreading her reply so much. It was a conversation she had repeated in her head many times in the past, waiting for the right moment to broach the subject with her. It was not that she didn’t have a few opportunities to do so, but she had never gathered enough courage to make the first step.
“I have no reason to forgive you. You did nothing wrong,” Rena replied seriously. “If anything, it’s me who should apologize for the way I behaved.”
Rie found herself momentarily taken aback by her words. She could from now on witness her own apprehension reflected in her interlocutor’s eyes, and she shook her head softly. “You were devastated. Death can sometimes make us act in the most unreasonable way.”
As her last words left her lips in a feeble whisper, memories of all the people she had seen dying submerged Rie’s head. Some died by her own hands, and others by her trusted network of spies. She had witnessed so many forms of deaths: slow and painful, quick and painless. A part of her was convinced she had seen every case scenario possible. Moreover, the sight of people grieving their loved ones had never really managed to hit a nerve. Rie strongly believed it was her impassivity that made her more efficient on the job.
When Airi drew her last breath in her arms, she realized she wasn’t as indifferent to the vision of death as she had always thought. For the very first time, tears gathered in her eyes and fell in abundance over the form of the motionless girl. Not only had she lost one of her most faithful apprentices; she had also been separated from a dear friend.
Yes, Rena’s unusual reaction had startled her and even frightened her at the time. But who was she to hold it against her anyway? Airi’s death had also prompted her to do something she wasn’t especially proud of. A crime she had committed and carefully kept to herself.
“Do you know what Airi’s last words were?” Rie asked, even though it was a rhetorical question. Never had she shared the content of her last conversation with Airi with anyone. “She asked me to look over you. And I have for these past two years, albeit from afar, as I knew you didn’t desire my presence by your side.”
“She did?” Rena exclaimed in surprise, avoiding her eyes in mild embarrassment. “It’s not that I didn’t want to speak with you, but each time I looked at you… I was reminded of her. And of what I did on that day.”
“I know,” Rie murmured and she placed her hand over that of the kenjutsu instructor carefully, in an attempt to bring her some small comfort. “I also wish you could forgive yourself. You have to know I never blamed you for the way you reacted.”
“You’re too kind,” Rena protested, shaking her head in disapproval.
Despite that, Rie was glad when her comforting gesture didn’t meet any opposition and she saw a faint smile on Rena’s lips a while later. Rie quickly reciprocated it, well aware that it would take some time until their relationship would go back to normal. However, it was undeniable a big step had been made today.
A recent event suddenly invaded Rie’s mind, promptly replacing the image of her lost apprentice. It was a mystery she had not solved, and a source of great frustration. “If only I knew who poisoned you a few months ago,” Rie declared thoughtfully.
Albeit the fact she sent her best spies to investigate, she still had not a single clue who the two attackers were. Without a doubt, they were two experienced men considering they had carefully covered their tracks, but Rie took pride in thinking she was leading the best network of spies of the country. She should definitely have been able to discover which clan had sent them. The thought that she had failed was disturbing her to no end. Thankfully, the issue of the ambush had not been as tragic as it could have been. “I’m relieved your protégée was able to bring you back safely to the clan.”
Rie watched Rena attentively and waited expectantly for a reaction. The mention of the young Watanabe sister did indeed stir her as she noticed Rena’s smile fading instantly and a slight discomfort crossing her features, but the latter chose not to say anything. Instead, her gaze fell anew on the grave in front of her.
“She looks like a good person,” Rie declared. She knew she needed to tread carefully with the subject she was about to bring up, and choose her words wisely. There was a risk the kenjutsu instructor would not want to pursue this conversation, but her latest openness to a very sensitive subject such as Airi gave her the motivation to continue. “I can also tell she enjoys spending time with you.”
This time, Rena gave her a suspicious look. “Why do I get the impression you’re trying to tell me something?”
Her words brought a smile to Rie’s lips. It is true to say not much escaped her - she wasn’t the master kunoichi for nothing - and her interlocutor was more than aware of her attention to details. Still, could she admit the complete truth without risking to offend her? Rie didn’t hesitate long and decided to go for it, somewhat curious by the reaction she would get. “I witnessed a certain kiss between you in the maple forest."
The kenjutsu instructor didn’t answer straight away, but her shock certainly didn’t go unnoticed. "You weren’t supposed to see that,” Rena uttered after a little while, clearly bothered by the revelation that this moment had been spied upon.
“I figured,” Rie replied on a light tone, unable to keep the amusement out of her voice any longer.
It was by complete chance that she happened to cross their path that day, and observe that short scene from afar. If truth be told, the young Watanabe sister’s initiative had not really startled her. Somehow, she guessed something positive would come out of this imposed partnership. It was definitely a matter of time until one of them would make the first step; the young Watanabe sister more likely. Rie didn’t believe she met anyone more straightforward than her.
“I explicitly told her it would never happen again,” Rena affirmed.
“Why not?” Rie exclaimed, surprised by her decided tone. “I can tell you care a lot about her. I saw the way you interact together.”
“You really shouldn’t be spying upon people,” Rena countered with a frown, until noticing Rie’s smile broadening, and she understood the irony of her own words. Quickly, she added. "At least, not upon the members of the clan."
"Forgive me, it was never truly my intention,” Rie offered, shaking her head lightly. “I guess it’s the perks of the job. I see everything, even moments I wish I didn’t.”
Rena’s reaction after the kiss submerged Rie’s memory, and she frowned at her swift departure. Although she was too far to hear anything they were saying, it was obvious the kenjutsu instructor did not appreciate her protégée’s action. But why?
“I don’t know what your reasons for pushing her away are,” Rie murmured thoughtfully, albeit she did not expect her interlocutor to give her an explanation. Today, Rena had already shared more than she would ever have hoped for, but still she wanted to give her a piece of advice. A piece of advice she regretted not to follow when her dear apprentice Airi was still by her side and alive. “Life is short. I believe we should make the most of it while we are on this earth.”
“I’m not sure it’s a good idea. Matsui-dono said you were not to resume training until you were fully healed.”
Jurina grumbled, not in the least surprised by the short-haired man’s declaration. After all, he was one of Rena’s most devoted students, and she somewhat guessed he would not easily accept her demand. Still, she was not about to back away, and tried as best as she could to keep the frustration out of her voice when she replied. “Do I look unwell to you, Tanaka-san?”
The 22-year-old samurai eyed her carefully. The young girl facing him did indeed seem pretty fit, but he was reluctant to go against the kenjutsu instructor’s orders. Those she had again made more than clear a few hours ago when her protégée had tentatively tried to join the morning lesson, to no avail. “But Matsui-dono…”
“
Matsui-dono is not here, is she?” Jurina cut him off. She could feel her patience progressively slipping, and had to muster all her willpower not to raise her tone in annoyance. “I’m not going to tell her. Are you?”
“Obviously not,” Tanaka retorted, before sweeping the maple forest surrounding them in apprehension. There was not a soul in sight, but the fear to stumble upon the kenjutsu instructor was still not leaving him. He certainly did not want to be subjected to her remonstrance if she ever happened to discover they had been training in secret.
“Perfect,” Jurina exclaimed, pulling her katana out in determination. “Shall we begin, then?”
“Are you alright, Watanabe-san?” Tanaka questioned hesitantly the girl who was slightly bent over and trying to catch her breath, and whose katana who now laying on the grass after her defeat.
Their fight had been intense, to say the least, not that he expected anything less from his fierce opponent. However, he certainly did not foresee the surprising turn their fight took. His defeat against the young Watanabe sister during the last tournament was still engraved in his memory, which is why he absolutely did not expect to win this time. He could tell the young girl had something on her mind during their duel, as her focus wasn’t as sharp as it usually was.
It is true to say the young girl wasn’t - at first - the best when it came to keeping her emotions to herself, but she had improved greatly on that matter over time. Tanaka was more than startled that all the progress she had made came to nothing during their last fight. The young girl had asked to train with him and insisted, despite his reluctance; but she had made one mistake after another. Her behavior didn’t make sense.
“Thank you for accepting to train with me,” Jurina declared. Her breathing was more steady now and she straightened up to gaze at her interlocutor. “It was a good fight.”
“Likewise,” Tanaka nodded politely, albeit he thought the complete opposite. Their fight had been mostly disappointing to him, especially as he expected much better from someone who had mastered sword fighting so well these last months. However, it seemed his opponent was definitely not in a good day. “I’ll head back to the clan, Watanabe-san.”
Jurina watched his retreating form, until laying down on the grass when he was finally out of sight. She wiped her sweating forehead with the back of her hand, before staring absently at the cloudy sky. Gone was the perfect blue sky of Summer, as well as its scorching heat. Jurina certainly didn’t mind the drop in temperature, even letting out a small sigh of pleasure when the wind blew her hair softly and cooled her skin.
Her gaze fell next onto the katana by her side, the memory of the fight invading her mind at once. A frown fell upon her face. When she asked for Tanaka’s cooperation it was in the hope that the distraction would ease her mind from troubled thoughts, but it had failed miserably. Instead, she had made basic mistakes and had been completely unable to turn the tide.
Jurina knew perfectly well the reason behind it: her protector’s distant behavior was at the origin of everything. Her refusal to let her join the kenjutsu lessons until she deemed her fit had been the icing on the cake. It had already been four days since she had woken up for the first time after the attack, and Jurina was convinced to have recovered fully. However, it appeared her protector believed otherwise, as she was stubbornly keeping her away from any physical activity.
Albeit the fact they still had not talked about the kiss, Jurina thought to have made some good progress during their latest meeting in her bedroom. She couldn’t have been more wrong. After that, her protector was still not inclined on sharing with her more than a few words, and was cutting the conversation short each time she tried to broach a certain sensitive subject.
“Rena-san, you truly are a stubborn woman,” Jurina groaned, shutting her eyes tight in frustration and pondering over her next move.
Until now, she always avoided any true confrontation with the older girl and did not insist when the latter turned the other way. Truly, she didn’t wish to resort to such ways, but she was now convinced she had no other choice. It was obvious her protector was keeping something from her, and a gentle approach was leading her nowhere. If she wanted answers, she would need to find a situation where her protector was completely alone and unable of escaping her questioning. Only one moment fit the description.
It was still dark when Rena’s eyes fluttered open. She didn’t usually have so much trouble sleeping but when she fell asleep that day, she knew her night would be filled with visions of Airi. After all, yesterday was the anniversary of her death, and her visit to the cemetery had brought back so many memories. Not to mention her impromptu conversation with Rie.
If truth be told, Rena was more than surprised when the master kunoichi made such a move. In two years they had only exchanged a few words, and she truly believed their relationship had changed forever after Airi’s passing. At first, she even hardly managed to conceal her discomfort at the situation she found herself forced into but progressively, she felt her body relaxing next to the other girl.
Rena knew Airi was close to the master kunoichi. Even though she never really considered herself friends with Rie, she didn’t mind her presence and found their occasional conversations interesting. Rie was wise, eloquent and professional. She trusted her judgment when it came to missions. The apprehension she felt each time Airi left for one of them had nothing to do with Rie’s expertise. It was solely motivated by her protectiveness towards her dear friend. Rena couldn’t pinpoint exactly when that side of her emerged for the first time but much as she fought against it, she soon discovered it was pretty useless. She simply couldn’t help but worry about the people she loved.
Rena was about to finally leave her thoughts aside and go back to well needed sleep when she caught some movement out of the corner of her eye. At first, she believed it to be the fruit of her imagination. After all, how could someone possibly be in her bedroom in the middle of the night? It was only when her eyes got progressively used to the dark that she managed to discern a form seated against the wall. No, she was definitely not alone.
“You’re awake.”
Rena froze when she recognized the familiar voice. Her concern vanished when she realized she was not in the presence of an enemy, but her frown did not disappear yet. She sat up on her futon, watching her interlocutor approaching and lightening up the candle on the small table.
“Jurina-san?” Rena murmured sleepily when their eyes met through the dim light of the flame. “What are you doing here?”
“We need to talk,” Jurina replied simply, taking a seat by her side.
“Excuse me?” Rena exclaimed in confusion, now very much awake. “It’s the middle of the night.”
Rena left aside the fact that her protégée had dared to come uninvited in her room. It was something that unsettled her, not to mention very improper. Despite her discomfort, Rena chose to keep the thought to herself.
“How else am I supposed to have a talk with you?” Jurina retorted almost immediately. “You keep avoiding me during the day.”
The reproach was clear and the tone almost icy; shivers run down Rena’s spine. She didn’t like the direction their conversation was heading, and she could tell by her protégée’s steady gaze that she was not going to let it go easily. Still, she could not let her have it her way. It was simply out of the question.
“You need to leave,” Rena affirmed, her decided tone leaving no room for discussion.
“I’m not going anywhere until you give me an explanation,” Jurina replied on the same tone. It was now obvious her presence was unwelcomed, but she didn’t move an inch from her position.
Rena frowned in displeasure at her lack of cooperation. It had been a while since she found herself in such a disconcerting situation with her protégée, and she didn’t keep the best memory of their first tense confrontations. It is true to say the young girl had tried to engage a conversation a few times lately, but she had cautiously avoided each one of them. It appeared the matter would not be solved easily this time. If her protégée didn’t want to comply to her demand, then maybe using a more diplomatic approach would work. In that intent, Rena softened her tone when she spoke up. “An explanation for what?”
“You know very well what,” Jurina groaned, unable of keeping the frustration out of her voice any longer. “Your distant behavior. You haven’t been the same since we kissed.”
Rena flinched at the mention of the infamous moment. She had been trying really hard to not think about it since it happened, the exercise proving to be more difficult than she hoped. Was she too naive to believe the young girl would simply do as asked and not bring the subject up again? Probably. After all, her protégée was definitely a stubborn person and always went to great lengths to obtain what she wanted. She should have guessed she wouldn’t simply give up on her demand.
Rena tilted her head to the other side and thought carefully about what to reply. Obviously, she couldn’t brush it off this time. But what were there really to talk about? Nothing could happen between them. Their relationship had to remain on a professional level. It was imperative for her own sake. So why couldn’t her stubborn protégée take no for an answer?
From her peripheral vision Rena noticed her interlocutor drawing closer, and she looked back at her in bewilderment. The lips that were rapidly approaching hers were a clear indication of what the younger girl had in mind, and Rena promptly placed her hands against her shoulders to prevent her from reaching her goal.
“Stop it,” Rena reprimanded her immediately. She couldn’t believe what her protégée was trying to do - for the second time - but was thankful when she halted. “I thought I made myself very clear on the subject.”
“Why are you doing this?” Jurina exclaimed, in a mix of frustration and annoyance. Although she stopped her advance, she didn’t back away an inch. They were so close now she could hear the older girl’s breathing, and she tried to find an answer into her eyes. “Is it because I’m your protégée? Or because I’m younger?”
Rena loosened slightly her hold on her shoulders, but chose cautiously to not remove her hands altogether. Somehow, she didn’t trust her protégée to not make a second attempt if she gave her another opportunity to do so. The distance between them had been considerably reduced, and she wished she could move back. Unfortunately, her back was already pressed against the wall behind her.
“It has nothing to do with that,” Rena denied softly. Of course, the wiser thing would have been to use one of those reasons to explain her distant behavior, but she couldn’t bring herself to lie. How could she justify her foursquare refusal to accept her advances? Evidently, it was out of the question to mention her past. That’s something she had carefully kept to herself for two years, even from her friend Yuki. Unfortunately, she was facing a complete dilemma.
"I’m sorry," Rena murmured. She knew her interlocutor wanted an explanation more than anything - she could read the slight despair lurking in her eyes - but she was currently incapable of giving her one. She was at an impasse.
"I don’t want an apology.” Jurina frowned. “Your behavior makes no sense to me. I know you like me too.”
The statement was quite bold, but Rena barely blinked. Yes, it felt a bit strange to hear such words uttered out loud, but her protégée was absolutely right. When did she start having feelings for the young girl? It was hard to pinpoint the exact moment, but she became aware of them once and for all when she made a move on her and kissed her.
Albeit the fact she had never felt this way with anyone else before, it was futile denying the obvious. The young Watanabe sister stopped being a mere student a long time ago, and her affection for her kept growing gradually as she happened to spend more time with her. Rena knew the mistake was entirely hers: she should have maintained a professional distance from the start and never let her protégée get closer to her.
The harm was done. There was no flashback possible. Her heart was beating differently in the presence of her protégée, and she couldn’t ignore it. However, it didn’t mean she had to act upon her feelings. Yes, pushing away the object of her affection was utterly painful, but it was essential if she didn’t wish to see the past repeat itself.
Rena jolted out of her thoughts when she noticed a pleased smile on Jurina’s lips. Manifestly, her silence just gave away the truth. Rena was in an impossible situation, and completely clueless on what to do next. Her protégée just got the confirmation she needed, and her intent was clear when she saw her moving forward in determination.
This time, her resistance proved much in vain. Her fingers clutched her kimono in order to push her, but it failed miserably. Despite her obvious disapproval her protégée didn’t give in, and Rena was left to tilt her head the other side to avoid the imminent contact with her lips. To her surprise, the young girl didn’t try to steal a kiss. In fact, she stopped moving altogether and as the seconds went painfully by, Rena ended up believing she would finally leave it alone and back away.
The last thing she expected was the soft touch of Jurina’s lips on her cheek. Its gentleness was such a contrast with her previous forceful behavior that Rena was caught completely off guard. The lips that had briefly touched her skin soon pulled away, and Rena knew she had to seize the occasion to stop what was happening. Somehow, she knew the young girl would not be satisfied with such a simple kiss.
Indeed, she didn’t have to wait long to feel another lingering kiss on her cheek, slowly descending down her jawline. Rena heard her heart hammering inside her chest, and she knew she had to put an end to this until it would be too late. Her hold on Jurina’s shoulders had already considerably diminished, and she could feel her resolve slipping progressively under her protégée’s careful ministrations.
“Don’t do this,” Rena protested. It was a desperate last attempt to push her away, but she knew she had miserably failed at the sound of her own voice. Indeed, the words were uttered in a feeble murmur and lacked any conviction. Where did her previous decided tone go? Right now, she would have given anything to get it back, as she could feel herself losing the battle gradually.
“Stop resisting,” Jurina whispered between kisses. “It’s hurting us both.”
Rena distinguished the pain in her voice, and it hit a nerve. All this time, her main goal had been to preserve her fragile heart. She was so decided not to suffer again, that she had completely disregarded her protégée’s feelings. When did she become such a cold and cruel person?
Rena felt soon a lonely tear slid down her cheek, but she didn’t bother to wipe it off. The feelings she was so desperately trying to keep locked inside were bursting free, and she turned around slowly to face her protégée. Their eyes met silently, and a faint smile grazed Rena’s lips when the young girl wiped her tear off gently. Was this a mistake? Maybe. No one could predict the future. But she wanted to see where this relationship would lead them.
When Rena leaned forward and their lips touched for their first mutual kiss, she had already surrendered. For better or for worse, she was giving her protégée the key to her heart.
TO BE CONTINUED
Topic: Warriors - Chapter 29 [WMatsui] (01/07/2020) (Read 111859 times)