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Author Topic: The Hand of Fate  (Read 3047 times)

Offline SunJian

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The Hand of Fate
« on: August 15, 2011, 08:09:25 PM »
Here a little of a story I decided to write with Mano Erina. Wrote the rough draft a few weeks ago, but decided to change it when I was typing. So here's a little sample, tell me what you think.


Hand of Fate
Chapter 1
Onegai Dakara

   "Onegai dakara motto warau koe wo kikasete, Onegai dakara hitori samishisa wo dakishimetai,  Onegai dakara ano hi tsunaida te wo hodoite, Onegai dakara futari deau mae ni modoshite yo~ please, please, want your love. Please, please, want your love." "Woo! Let's hear it for Mano-chan, what a great performance, thank you all for coming. "Wow, Erina what a great performance." "Thank you." I replied to the manager as someone's voice could be heard in the distance. "WAIT!! WAIT!! MANO!! Sorry, excuse me, coming through!" "Huh? What's going on?" I asked. "WAIT!!!!! Finally! I've made it" is what he said as he was catching his breath. "Here you go Mano...a gift...to celebrate the release of your latest single." He managed to say as he appeared to be collapsing from the exhaustion. "Are you all right?" I asked. "Sure, I'm fine...I'm strong as an Ox..." He said with a hint of arrogance in his voice, as he fell to the ground.

   "Hey...Hey...are you all right? Quick, somebody call an ambulance!" I shouted as a pool of blood began to seep out from his collapsed body. "B...B...Blood!!!" someone screamed, which caused everyone at the event to run in every direction looking for the exits in a panic. "Please, everyone remain calm and head towards the exits in an orderly fashion" the event's organizers were saying over the microphone, I as some how became separated from my manager. "Come with me Mano!" someone shouted. "What?" I said somewhat confused. "Don't question, and just come, if I'm right things are about to get a lot crazier." "What do you mean?" I asked, but before he was able to respond to my question a bomb or something went off, causing the convention center to fill with smoke and fires began to break out. "You see what I mean." he shouted as he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the exit. "I'm not sure if it's "them" or somebody else, but please hand over that jewelry box that fan who was bleeding gave you." "What... are you talking about...who are you? I asked unaware that I was still holding the box in question. "Damn...your gonna make this easy are you? Listen!... I'm only going to say this once, stop asking questions and just hand over the box...

Offline SunJian

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Re: The Hand of Fate
« Reply #1 on: August 16, 2011, 08:19:29 PM »
Here's the rest of the first chapter. 

these guys are professionals, and they're not gonna stop until they get what's in the box."

   "There she is, over there!" I heard a police officer yell. "Damn...another day then. Remember to be careful, cause who ever is after you won't stop until they get what they're after...until we meet again!" he told me as he vanished into the smoke. "Are you all right ma'am?" "Yes, I'm fine." "That's good. All right men I want this immediate are within five blocks secured and searched. If the suspect was on foot it's a good chance that he hasn't gotten pretty far."

Offline kuro808

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Re: The Hand of Fate
« Reply #2 on: August 17, 2011, 08:38:32 AM »
A pool of blood.... awesome start! :twothumbs
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Offline SunJian

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Re: The Hand of Fate
« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2011, 09:12:45 AM »
Thanks, tbh I was a little worried about it, since no one has posted a reply. I was beginning to think the violence was a bit much. I think it has sort of has a Hong Kong action movie vibe going for which is something I didn't plan on, but think I'm going to continue in that direction since I like those movies . I'm glad you like how it started, I don't wanna give to much away, but I tweeted a picture sometime last week that has to do with the story

Offline SunJian

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Re: The Hand of Fate
« Reply #4 on: August 22, 2011, 07:52:41 AM »
Here's the rest of the story.

Chapter 2

The 4 Pocky Sisters

   "Sorry Captain, but we were unable to find anyone." a young officer around my age told the Captain. "I see, until we're able to catch this person, I want guards to monitor her twenty four- seven. Cadet Mahoney please escort Mano to the safe house." the Captain said as departed towards another group of officers. "Yes, Sir! Please follow me miss Mano, the patrol car just on the other side of this car." Things seemed to had finally calmed down a little as we were walking to the patrol car. "Umm...do you know what's going on...sir?" I asked with the politest tone possible in my voice. "Hmmm... well, I probably should tell you this, but from all the information that we have been able to gather so far and the evidence we were able to find. It seems like the group that is responsible is an all girl ex-military unit, collectively know as the four Pocky sisters, because of their love of the snack with the same as well as being biological siblings . There were originally six members, two members who were not related to the other four, were the founding members, they were know as the "aces" of the unit and unexpectedly  disappeared one day never to be heard from again. The remaining members have become soldiers of fortune or "mercenaries" if you will, that pass along their services and skills learned and perfected during their military days to the highest bidder. They are very well known through out law enforcement as well as the criminal underworld for being both very ruthless and being a highly effective unit when it comes to accomplishing tasks. I have to add though that only very few have seen what the actually look like. We have some very basic descriptions of what they could or probably look like, but were not certain. We also four names, but for all we know they could be code names." He continued his explanation as I was completely dumbfound trying to find an explanation as to why these girls were after me.

   "From the "official" information we have, their four names are Rina Suzuki, Mami Sasazaki, Tomomi Ogawa, and Haruna Ono. The youngest of the group is Rina. Even tough she's the youngest, she is probably the most wild and most dangerous of the four in terms of "craziness". She's the explosives expert out of the group, but is also very handy with firearms, and has a high level of mastery in hand to hand combat. Next is Mami. Sure is a supreme martial artist, highly skilled in just about every form hand to hand combat and self defense known to man, who prefers to battle with her hands instead of with weapons. Don't let that fool you though. She may prefer to fight using her fists, but she is just as capable as a fighter with any weapon as well. Third is Tomomi, the sub-leader. Like Rina and Mami she is also highly skilled in  hand to hand and weapon based combat; however, unlike Mami who prefers unarmed combat, Tomomi prefers guns above all else. I've heard rumors of her being able to bring down small armies with just a specially modified assault rifle that to her specifications and a warehouse size amount of ammunition." "Are you serious!!!" I asked in disbelief of what I had just heard. "Hell yeah, I'm serious or at least that's the rumor on her." he replied as he continued with his descriptions. Last and certainly not least out of the four in terms of skill is Haruna...the leader .She's the oldest of the four, and is said to have been hand picked to be in the unit by the two "aces". "The "aces"? Do you have any information what so ever on them?" I asked. "On the "aces"? I'm sorry, but every aspect of their information went missing at about the same time they did. One thing that we do know is a fact is that these "aces" were themselves hand picked from a super elite group of special forces by someone named King. We don't know if "King" is the individual's real name or a code name, but they are rumored to have strong connections to people in this region, connections that can be traced to their time at a local high school. "King! Did you just say King?" I asked very surprised. "Yes, I did." He responded. "They say he used to be a student at a high school here, but, they also say that he "supposedly died" one night after being stabbed in the back. Why is that name familiar?" "Well, back when I was in high school there was a lot of rumors involving someone with the same name of King, but he died, so this new King can't be the same person...right?." "I see. Anyway here we are Miss Mano. Please wait here while I go fetch the sergeant." "Hello Erina, I'm Sgt. Rima Tomoruna, and I'll be in charge of security. Nice to meet you." "O.K. ladies I'm off to the station with the box, Miss Mano, please refer any question to Sgt. Tomoruna." However, as Cadet Mahoney was walking towards the patrol car a loud whistling sound could be heard just before the car exploded. As the car exploded Mahoney was blown in one direction while the box was blown in mine. "An attack!" shouted Tomoruna, as she was picking up the box. "Quickly Erina! Follow me and stay close." Once we were in the building I was about to breath a sigh of relief, when suddenly...CLICK "Thank you for making this extremely easy for us Erina." she told me as I was turning around only find myself right in the sights of a pistol. "What...why...?" I somehow managed to ask even though I was frozen in fear. "Please don't ask any unnecessary questions, Erina. My job was only to get the box, whatever happens to the owner of was left purely to our discretions."

Chapter 3

Tokyo Shojo


   As I was standing there all seemed lost, and my life had begun to flash before my eyes. When suddenly a voice seemed to pierce though the tense atmosphere by  yelling "FREEZE!!" while a girl came running into the room where Tomoruna and I were shouting. "Tomomi! Tomomi! The police are already starting to arrive with reinforcements. "Roger that, until we meet again Erina." Tomomi shouted at me as the other girl who later turned out to Rina blasted a whole in the ceiling, to escape through the roof. "Oh, no you don't." said the same voice that had said freeze." MOVE OUT OF THE WAY or your going to end up getting shot." She shouted at me as she began shooting at Tomomi and Rina. During that small gun battle this mysterious women managed to shoot the box causing it to shatter right as Tomomi and Rina were beginning to disappear from view. "Are you O.K." she asked. "I'm special agent Hitomi Yoshizawa, and as soon as we assess the damage were going to be moving you to a more secure location until we can properly sort things out. It looks as though this is what they were after." Hitomi said as she pulled a vile from the debris that was once the box. "What is that?" I asked.
    "It's something that should have been well guarded, because it's TOP SECRET and not meant for the eyes of your everyday, average, type of people...Erina Mano. You can call me "Agent Rey" Special Agent Rey, and you seem to have gotten involved in something haven't you" This agent Rey fellow said with somewhat of a smirk across his face. "TOP SECRET!" I exclaimed. "Oh, yes!" he answered again with a smirk. Just as he was about to speak the phone inside of the room began to ring. "Good evening special agents. I see you have something that belongs to me." The voice said over the speaker phone. "Are you referring to project AH-2?" Rey asked. The phone was silent for a few seconds. "So... you know about it. If you know about it, then I'm pretty sure you know the reason and purpose for it's creation. Let me remind you though special agent before anyone starts anything, you have something I want, and I have something you want..." "Huh? My manager!" I screamed. "What!" both Hitomi and Rey exclaimed. "She's missing, the last time I saw her was at the event at the beginning of this whole ordeal." "That's right..." said the voice. "I have the manager...she's safe and sound right here with me...for now..." "Damn, all right what do you want." the special agents asked. "Erina brings project AH-2 to a specified location, and she comes alone with no police presence or...you know what happens." "Damn, it looks like the only choice we have to comply with their demands for now. All right men bring a vest, and ear piece, a double meet cheeseburger, small order of fries, and a medium drink. If they ask to super size when placing the order say, yes."  "Are you really serious? Your really going to send me to delivery "Project AH-2" to these people!" I shouted in defiance. "But of course." Rey responded. " What do you think I told the other officers to prepare a vest and an ear piece for you. The vest is for protection should you end up being shot, which is highly possible given who we are dealing with.

   The ear piece is so that we can monitor the conversation so that if things get to crazy, Hitomi and I will come in and save the day. We're ex-special forces just like the Pocky Sisters you know, so you don't have to worry about anything." he said with quite a calm tone in his voice. " But...but..." I stuttered. "Oh! I almost forgot, the double meat cheeseburger, small order of fries, and the medium drink is because I'm hungry. You know fighting crime requires a lot of energy, so you can never fight on an empty stomach." He said with a chuckle. "Relax." Hitomi interrupted. "Even though, he may seem a little odd or crazy, you can completely trust him. He knows what he's doing and how to handle situations, after all he used to be an instructor for the super elite of the special forces in the military. As a matter of fact he is the very person who trained me." "Super elite...special forces...ex-military instructor..."I wondered as we were arriving a few blocks away from the location where I had to meet whoever was leading the Four Pocky Sisters.
   
 
Chapter 4

Death Game Park

   "All right, Mano while the exchange is going down, Hitomi and I will be in that black van which will be parked directly across the street. We have snipers on the rooftops and have hidden undercover officers in various locations around the area. Your completely safe. If anything should happen just say cheese ball and the police will rush in." "A...A...All right." I said with a cowardly tone in my voice that was making it crack. As I entered the dimly lit warehouse, all I could think about was how something about all of this seemed a little odd, why are their so many ex-special forces involved in this, I thought, as I got closer and closer to the center of the warehouse, when a voice shouted at me. "That's far enough, Mano! Did you bring Project AH-2?" "Here it is!" I yelled as I was raising the vile into the air. "NOW!!!" a voice shouted as the lights in the warehouse instantly turned on with flash illuminating anything and everything. "IT'S YOU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!" "Now Project AH-2 is mine Ishikawa! Open fire! I ran for cover as a gun battle erupted within the warehouse while my mind was going blank and my heart was beating so fast I thought my chest was about to explode.
   
   "GET DOWN NOW!" To...To...Tomomi! "Get down you idiot or your going to end up getting yourself shot!" Tomomi shout at me. "Why...why...are you helping me!" I shouted back at her. "Because it's part of the mission that us Pocky Sisters were assigned to do." Hitomi told me through the ear piece. "What the...that...that...means you...you...your one of the "aces"! I yelled. "Bingo!" Rey yelled as he ran out from behind some crates guns blazing.  "If Hitomi is one of the "aces" then...then the other "ace"...must...must...be..." "Nice, to meet you too Erina! Ishikawa shouted while dodging a storm of bullets. "What the hell is going on here! I shouted trying my best to avoid being shot. "If this group of girls are the Pocky Sisters, that means that Rey is really...really..." "LOOK OUT!" "Your not going to win this time King!" I won't let you destroy Project AH-2!" With that the mysterious man who was later identified simply by the name Dr. X threw the vile containing project AH-2 into the air and shot it breaking the vile and releasing the liquid that was inside before he himself was shot by King. " Move out of the way Mano! Don't let the liquid come in contact with your skin!" King shouted at me. I awoke  two weeks later in the hospital with King standing at the foot of the bed. "So you've finally woken up huh?  I'll try and keep this as short as possible. The man was killed at you event two weeks ago was one of our "employees" who was working for us as a spy at a company run by Dr. X which created biological weapons for the black market. Project AH-2, or better known for it's "unofficial" name Project Action Hero 2 was a secret formula developed by Dr. X to give criminals super human abilities after it came into contact with the subjects skin. We still don't fully understand what the results of the formula are or will be since it was said to never have been tested. However, with that being said my associates and I would like to extend you an invitation to join or organization in the fight against crime. What do you say... will you join us?

Offline kuro808

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Re: The Hand of Fate
« Reply #5 on: August 22, 2011, 08:06:49 AM »
Wonderful ending, my man

I was looking through the pocky sisters names and then it hit me :lol:

Well I have been busy, although I read before I did comment on it but don't worry, if you have readers, people like me will always comment :)
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Offline SunJian

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Re: The Hand of Fate
« Reply #6 on: August 22, 2011, 08:35:14 AM »
Thanks kurosawa87. What did you think of the story, I had originally planned on writing the story differently, but scrapped that idea and just wrote what ever I thought about as it came to me. I tried to have many twist to keep the readers guessing as to who was behind everything, but I also tried to drop hints that echoed things from my other stories. Something like the story takes place in the same universe as Ai araba it all right and Kimagure Princess just further down the time line. In hand of fate Mano mentions something at a high school in her younger years which would fall into both the Ai araba and Kimagure time frames. What did you think about that aspect?

Offline kuro808

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Re: The Hand of Fate
« Reply #7 on: August 22, 2011, 08:48:21 AM »
Thanks kurosawa87. What did you think of the story, I had originally planned on writing the story differently, but scrapped that idea and just wrote what ever I thought about as it came to me. I tried to have many twist to keep the readers guessing as to who was behind everything, but I also tried to drop hints that echoed things from my other stories. Something like the story takes place in the same universe as Ai araba it all right and Kimagure Princess just further down the time line. In hand of fate Mano mentions something at a high school in her younger years which would fall into both the Ai araba and Kimagure time frames. What did you think about that aspect?

That sounds good to me, for the fic, I liked the imagery of an action film like slasha's fic (it is a really good one) and yeah I saw some of the themes from the other fics.  The best thing I like about yours is usually the change because many I read are more love interaction (primarily I have been on but sudden changes are my things  :lol: ) But, it is hard to stand out with the type of fic writers we have especially the ones who can do something exemplary, but continue what you can do, and I'll be here to help, if you want to chat just PM me and we can set up something 
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Offline SunJian

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Re: The Hand of Fate
« Reply #8 on: August 22, 2011, 08:57:24 AM »
Thanks a may be a while before I post another fic though.

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