I'm not sure where I've heard it before but they say that love is like a holding a double-edged blade.
Either way you try to hold it, you will get cut.
The more you tighten your grasp, the deeper the wound will get.
Letting go will make the blood gush out faster.
The pain might stop but the scar it leaves behind will be always there...
...to remind you of your foolishness.
Not all love stories have happy endings. Some end in bitterness. Some end in remorse. Some end in tragedy.
That's what I'm trying to avoid. And that's probably the reason why love has been avoiding me as well.
I will never fall in love. That's what I've been telling myself.
I used to like boys, but now I don't. Don't ask me why.
But that soon changed when I met him.
Him.
Sugaya's classmate.
In one of our concerts, Sugaya was a bit more excited and I couldn't forget that smile on her face when she said that someone special was going to watch her that night. But after she found out that the one she was expecting wasn't around, she looked like she didn't want to perform anymore. The smile she wore earlier that night vanished in a span of a few minutes. I took pity on her but I knew that she was about to cry that night. Tears were about to fall but she did her best to smile through out the performance. I didn't hate the person that made her that way but her situation just made me hate the feeling they call love more.
But amazingly, a few days later, Sugaya seemed different. She was more cheerful than before. Her actions were a bit unusual too. She kept asking us things like if guys would like these kinds of dresses or will guys like this kind of hairstyle. I asked her why the sudden change. She simply smiled back at me without uttering a single word. Her smile was different too. My curiosity told me that I had to know what happened to her.
In one of our rehearsals, we borrowed Sugaya's phone and called the last number she dialed. To our surprise, it was a boy on the other line. To my surprise he knew who I was just by my voice. I was the first to speak but his voice was faster to get into me. His voice sounded nice, probably enough to send shivers to any other girl. It gave me a familiar feeling that I’m sure I felt before. I think I actually blushed when he said my name.
"Is this some kind of sign? Can this be love?" I asked myself. While they were busy teasing Sugaya, I was busy wondering what was that I just felt.
We all got to talk to him and he reminded me that it was actually fun to talk with boys. I talk to some of my classmates but not in this manner. Perhaps he doesn't know that we're idols. But that's impossible. I looked at Sugaya when they talked to each other. Though she was whispering, I could hear what they were talking about. Now I know the reason why she changed...
Sugaya invited us to their place one day, after our mini album was released.
I think I fell in love the first time I saw him...
As he introduced himself, I kept asking myself if he was really the one we were talking to on the phone. He looked like a normal boy, nothing seems to be special about him. But I was wrong. There was something in him, possibly the same thing that Sugaya saw that made her fall for him. He has looks, heck he can even be part of Johnny's if he wanted to but I don't think he's into that. His voice sounded better in person and it wasn't just shivers it sent me. It also doesn't look like I'm a bit older than him. I almost didn't want to let go when he shook my hand. I couldn't take my eyes off him. He was tall, almost the same height as Kumai. I had to look up to meet him eye to eye. I couldn't explain it but I kinda like that feeling.
When Sugaya read the card he wrote for her, how I wish those words were meant for me. When they hugged each other after that, I tried to imagine the warmth of his embrace if I were in Sugaya's place.
I'm happy for her. I'm happy for them. But I feel jealous.
That's one of the reasons why I don't want to fall in love. The hearts of the boys I fall for already belong to someone else.
I like him but I know they like each other. That I'm sure of.
Kumai told me before that she asked him if he already kissed Sugaya. She said no.
Maybe I still have the chance to steal him away from her. But I won't.
This is another reason why I don't fall in love. I'm afraid to hurt others, especially someone close to me.
Sugaya is my friend. I don't want to hurt her and betray our friendship. Also, I don't want to see her the way she looked that concert night: Miserable.
But every time I look at myself in the mirror, I look a lot worse than Sugaya that night.
Perhaps I should give love a chance. Even once.
I wrote this because something just came up earlier. I received a message from him, asking me if I could go out with him this weekend.
I know, I know. This message was really supposed to be for Sugaya. I don't know how it ended up in my phone. But, just for the sake of it, I said yes anyway.
I'm not sure if he will show up but if he does, I'm going to make the most out of it.
Topic: Too Young: Seasonz (Read 44975 times)