Dear Friends,
Thank you for reading the previous chapter. Extra thanks to Haruko for leaving a comment. Making sure that Haruka is safe and ready to date the certain person has always been the intention all this long
Apologies that I will not be able to share her experience in details. I've been dragging this story for too long, for too many years. I'm just here to give myself a closure.
Thank you for following along all these years. For me, writing has always been an experience and a lesson all in itself. Your silent reading, thanks, and comments made it a lot more interesting.
Here it is, the last chapter.
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MORNING LIGHT (14)
It was a joyful night.
We ordered some food and had a nice dinner at home to celebrate the finalization of the legal arrangements. My parents, Yui-san, and Oya-sensei were joining us. We had long conversations before they called it a night. Hikaru was helping with the dishes before he went to bed. It was already a few minutes after midnight when Yui-san and I finished all the cleaning up.
“Here,” I offered her a cup of hot green tea.
“Arigatou,” she smiled as she took the clay cup from my hands.
We were standing next to the glass sliding door that led to my small balcony, looking outside to the dark night. The street had been deserted. Some lights in the surrounding apartment buildings were still on, giving hints that their residences were also still awake.
The weather had gotten colder by the day. But, no snow in Tokyo so far.
“So, have you told Itano-san?” She started the conversation.
I nodded, “I sent some text to let her know this afternoon.”
“How did she respond?”
I unlocked my phone and showed her a short video of Itano-san looking ecstatic, congratulating me for finishing the long battle. Yui-san chuckled.
“So, what’s next?” she asked.
I put my cup on the living room table and sat on the sofa before answering. She followed and sat next to me.
“I have had a discussion with Oya-sensei on drawing up a will.”
She looked alarmed at the mention of the legal document.
I smiled. “It’s nothing bad. I do not plan to die anytime soon. We just cannot predict the future so I want to make sure that, if anything happens to me before Hikaru turns twenty, the custody will be transferred to my parents.”
She smiled. “You have wonderful parents.”
“They are,” I smiled back. “Took them a while to process and accept everything but, once they did, they gave it their all.”
She nodded in agreement and took another sip of her tea.
“Are you still planning to move?” She asked after a long silence.
I took a deep breath and leaned back on the sofa before answering. “Yes. He has my current address, or, at least, can get his lawyer to get it, because of all the legal proceedings. I don’t want to risk anything if he ever changes his mind again.”
She nodded in understanding before continuing with, “Would it be far from here?”
“Not too far,” I answered. “I want Hikaru to be able to spend time with his grandparents whenever he wants. So, probably Kanagawa Prefecture like Itano-san always suggested, or somewhere else of similar distance.”
She smiled a little without looking at me before saying, “When?”
“Soon after Hikaru’s elementary school graduation. It will probably help ease the transition. He will need to part with some friends regardless as they go to different junior highs.”
“So soon…,” she responded while looking down at the cup in her hands.
I studied her face. The face that had become more and more familiar in the last one and a half years. I could tell that her gaze looked sad. But, I still could not read her mind.
“What about you?” I asked.
“What about me?”
“Yes. What’s next?”
She laughed, but the mirth did not reach her eyes.
“There’s no ‘next’ for me, Haruka-san. I will just continue my day as usual, continue teaching, seeing which cute faces will end up in my homeroom class next year. Same old, same old… Probably just get a cat when I feel ready.”
She is such a bad liar. While there were some truths in her words, it would not be the same.
She had been helping us so much in the past one and a half years. She always came here immediately after she finished all her work at the school. She stayed until late, either helping us around the house or just sitting to talk and keep me company, only going home to sleep, then repeating it all over again the next day. On days when she did not have to teach, she would stay over, sleeping on the sofa after spending the day with Hikaru and I. When I was at my lowest, she would hug and let me cry until I fell asleep, then leave my room to sleep on the sofa again. She would leave the bedroom door open as she went to the living room so I could easily find her when I woke up, preventing me from feeling alone.
We had been a big part of her life as much as she had been ours. Continuing her daily routines without us would not be a “same old, same old.”
I sighed. Anyone who had witnessed the way she treated Hikaru and I might have assumed that we have been dating all this time. It would be my first guess, too, if I saw anyone else in this situation. But, no.
I realized many months ago that I had never found the thoughts of being intimate with her to be repulsive. On the contrary, sometimes, I found myself wondering. Desire rose. Curiosity lingered. I just did not have anything to confirm how I felt.
All this time, there was nothing except some hugs and a few kisses on the forehead whenever I was deep in my mess. Our relationship was still as gray as a cloudy day. Our lines remained blurred. Everything stayed platonic and, sometimes, even formal. Like the way she never dropped the honorifics even when she called me by my first name.
I was also not in the capacity to do anything about it. I was not in the capacity to think about it. Heck. Sometimes, I was not in any capacity to think at all. But, now it’s different. Once we move, I do not need to worry about anything anymore. I would be able to focus just on my life and Hikaru’s. And I want her to continue being a part of that life.
“Why don’t you just move and live with us?” I blurted out the words without thinking.
It seemed to catch her off guard as she snapped her head to look my way. Looking into each other’s eyes, it turned into some kind of a staring contest. I might have just blurted the question, but I did not regret voicing it.
After a while, she shook her head, smiling. “It’s not something you can say lightly to a friend, Haruka-san.”
Was it really just friendship that we had?
“All right,” she continued, slapping her thighs softly. “I think it’s also time for me to head out.”
I reached out and held her right hand as she got up.
“It’s late. Just stay here for the night,” I suggested.
She looked down at me and smiled. “It’s true. But, I kind of miss sleeping on a proper bed.”
“You can sleep on my bed.”
Another staring contest in silence.
“Haruka-san…,” she started.
“Please.” I left no room for argument.
I rose up from the sofa and gave her hand a tug. She did not move, just stood where she was, staring. Was it disbelief in her eyes? Worries? Fear? Whatever it was, I wanted to make it disappear.
If there’s anyone that I could trust with my life at that time, it was her. I wanted to let her know that she could do the same. The more I thought about it, the more difficult it felt to just let her go. If she walked out the door that night, I would not know if I would ever see her again. Knowing her, she might try to put some distance between us to make it easier to say goodbye.
But, you don’t want any goodbye.No, I don’t.
I gave her hand another tug and kept on walking towards my bedroom. Slowly, she finally followed.
In the room, I led her to sit on the side of the bed. I sat next to her. She looked down on our joined hands. I squeezed her hand firmer and called her name, urging her to look at me.
“You’ve done so much for me and Hikaru, and I can’t thank you enough for that. So, this will sound selfish, but I don’t want you to leave.”
There was silence before she let out a nervous laugh, “I can still come back tomorrow, Haruka-san. It’s not like I live so far away from here.”
“You know that’s not what I mean.” My words were met with more silence.
“I cannot, and I will not, force you to do anything that you don’t want to do. I will respect your decision even if it’s not what I want. So just…” I lost my courage somewhere along the sentence and looked down. “...Just let me be selfish one more time...”
I put my hand on her cheek, followed by my lips on hers. The kiss was chaste. It was almost like a butterfly just landed for a brief second before flying away. But, as it left, a million other butterflies broke free in my stomach.
I did not want any regret. I wanted her to know how I felt. I needed to know how she felt. I needed to know that I am not alone in this feeling.
The next thing I felt was Yui-san lips on my forehead. There’s no lust. No desire. Every touch that followed in silence was a promise without words.
As we lay down, all that filled my mind was Yui. All the names that escaped my lips were Yui’s.
It’s been a long time coming, something that I had pictured countless times in my mind before, not knowing how it would really feel when it happened. Not knowing how it would change us.
Pleasure was not a destination. It’s a companion, flowing steadily as we explore the feelings that had been abandoned for years. Different from all those many years ago, I did not stay to escape. I stayed to finally find home in her embrace.
When my name escaped her lips, without any honorifics, I hugged her tight, wanting to let her know that I would also be her home if she let me.
She opened her eyes after all the tension was released. She searched mine and I could see worries coming back, along with a sense of panic.
“Yui,” I said softly as I touched the side of her face. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
I could feel the sobs that came after. As much as she tried not making any sounds, her body could not hide the fact that she was crying. She was shaking while covering her eyes with one arm.
I moved and laid my head on her upper chest, hugging her tightly from the side.
“I’m sorry to ever hurt you. I love you.”
Her body shook harder upon hearing my words. I hugged her tighter.
Nothing really mattered anymore. The night had told me so. Whether she would move to Kanagawa with me and Hikaru or not, it did not matter anymore. The feelings she let out through her touch had told me that everything will be alright. We would make it work, no matter what her decision would be.
We stayed in each other’s arms until sleep claimed us in a gentle wave. As my eyes slowly closed, I heard her voice, whispering softly as she buried her face into my hair.
“I love you, too.”
The whisper turned all the midnight darkness of my life into the morning light.
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Topic: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions [Chapter Update: ML Final Chapter-Nov 22, 2022] (Read 59872 times)