PART 1/2
"Argh." Nishino Nanase groan as she open the door of their apartment. She was approached by a living room. And when you talk about messy, paper, clothes, bottles scattered all over the living room. As if some tornado visit their apartment. Her head start to spin around and she feel the pain later on. Is it a routine? Will she always come home from work with this kind of mess?
She sighed defeadtely. She is too tired to shout or scream at the person who's behind of it. She did it many times, she always told her about this but it seem her girlfriend always forget it. She is too tired to repeat it, it's useless.
She enter their apartment with a heavy chest and intentionally slammed the closes door. Hoping the girl will wake up but when she enter their own bedroom, she rolled her eyes. Her obviously drunken girlfriend is laying on their bed.
She throw her bag to the floor and step closer to their bed. "Maiyan.."
But the girl didn't move, still in deep slumber. She called her for the second time, for the third time poking her foot but it's all useless. The girl didn't budge so she gave up.
She sighed. She unbutton her blouse and remove her skirt instead, which left her only in undergarments. She walk towards their bathroom, she's about to grab her toothbrush but stop when a pair of warm arms embraces her from behind then follow by a kiss to her bare shoulder.
"Good morning baby." Shiraishi voices is husky which make Nishino weak at the moment. She stare at their reflection from the mirror, her girlfriend and the love of her life for the five years is hugging her. Still feel the same since they first hugged each other, she still make Nishino heart beat crazily and bring overwhelm all over her. But why does it feel so tire? "How's work?"
Instead of answering her or responding from her girlfriend hug, she asked in straight face. "Who did you drink with?"
A short silence engulf them as Shiraishi sense something different from her girlfriend voice. "It's them as usual. Nanamin and Sayuri."
At the mentioned of the second name, Nishino eyebrow raises and sharp eyes shot the girl behind her. "Sayuri?" Matsumura Sayuri? Your ex-girlfriend?"
Shiraishi sighed which make Nishino scoffed and remove the arms around her. "Wow, while I'm working and fighting for a sleep, you are here drinking and having fun with your ex."
Nishino exited from the bathroom and open their cabinet to grab some t-shirt. Sarcasm is obvious from her voice, Shiraishi watch her as she stay in the bathroom door.
"You know her, you meet her and talk to her several times. You know better that we are over a long time ago. Why this has to be a big deal again?" What Shiraishi said seem off as it struck Nishino nerve. She stare at her, eyes blazing with anger.
That is true. Actually, she become acquaintance with Sayuri. She knew her first as Shiraishi ex-girlfriend but later on become friend, well not that close. The fact that she became Shiraishi ex-girlfriend always stopping her to befriend the other girl though she's kind and funny. She need to admit that she is obssess with Shiraishi that she can't accept anyone that will be hinder to them. That is one of her childish side which one of the reason of their fight and now it seem it start again.
"You also should know that she is your ex-girlfriend!" Nishino couldn't stop herself from raising her voice. "Letting her inside our apartment and enjoying a drink with her without my permission is totally unacceptable!"
"I can't believe at you!" Nishino mumble, Shiraishi too sleepy and her head is spinning also from last night which making her hard to understand the root of Nishino erupt. If this is one of their petty fight again, she rather ignore it. She walks toward the other side of the bed, her back facing Nishino. She brush back her hair by her fingers and cover her face by her hands while her elbows place above her knees. Her head is in pain.
Nishino scoffed again, seeing how her girlfriend just turn her back on her bring pain to her heart. "What? Are you just going to ignore me again? What's new, Maiyan. You always ignore everything what i said like it's not important. What's the sense of me being your girlfriend!"
Shiraishi remove her hands from her face, her eyes catch the pile of papers on the floor that scattered and some is crumpled into ball. It was the papers of last night that she worked, the scratch of her design of different clothes. The truth is, Nanamin and Sayuri helped her last night to her work to their apartment, giving ideas and such but when she's ready to show it to her boss, she declined her work telling that it's too plain and always the same. Because of disappointment and upset, she grabbed some bottles alone in their apartment. The two friends she mentioned earlier are only there before she drunk herself.
But she can't tell it Nishino, seeing how furious the girl is, she think there's no way she would believe at her. And now, a thought pop in her mind. Do Nishino trust her?
"Don't you trust me? We didn't do anything wrong anyway." She said in low voice but enough for Nishino to be heard.
"I trust you for five years, Maiyan but now I don't think I can."
Shiraishi felt the pain from her chest. Nishino voice is so soft and low but why it feels it's so strong and sharp like a knife?
Shiraishi smirked, somehow her pride telling her that she shouldn't show weakness because she's not fault at this. "Wow, how easily your trust on me were gone. Just because of this?"
Nishino walk around the bed and meet Shiraishi cold and stern eyes. "You know how much I trust you Maiyan, you know it! You did this many times but still I trust you! You lied to me many times but still I trust you!"
Tears start to form from Nishino eyes, she can feel her heart aching. "No, my trust for you is not that easy to disappear. It slowly disappearing because of what you are doing."
She can tell that Nishino is in the brink of crying and seeing her like this also hurt her. It's the least she want to see, to see Nishino crying in pain because of her. She want to stand up, embrace the girl and apologizes sincerely. But somewhere inside her is stopping her, someone whispering like why would she apologizes when it's not her fault anyway and she should trust her more. It's a pity that she can't stop something like that inside her.
"If you don't trust me anymore, then why you are sticking to me like a crazy possessive girlfriend?!" Shiraishi shout above her lungs, she saw Nishino eyes widen as tears start to fall from her eyes. Her words really stab Nishino in her heart, she didn't expect Shiraishi to say these harsh thing to her. She just felt her heart broke into pieces.
On the other hand, Shiraishi was also shocked to the words that escaped from her mouth. It's too late to realized that those words feels knife, it's too late for her to withdraw what she said. She is about to stand and apologizes but stop when darkness swallowed the room.
Thanks to the only source of the light from the window, they can see each other miserable state. Nishino had an idea why it happened and it enlighten her when she saw electrical bills from their side table.
"Shit." Shiraishi cursed under her breathe while Nishino only massage her temple while tears continue to fall down.
Nishino salary is not enough for the both of them, from the water, electrical bills and apartment rent and such. It's not really enough. Shiraishi is a freelance fashion designer, it's her dream and her passion. Unfortunately, her design got always turned down to the reason she doesn't know. So basically, it's all on Nishino since two years at. From their food and bills, it's all on Nishino. Shiraishi promised her that she will do her best while Nishino let her and support her girlfriend to pursue her dream but as it's getting longer and longer, everything become difficult.
Nishino witnessed how her girlfriend get upset everytime her design turned down. She witness how Shiraishi failed, how she become so obssess to pursue the fashion field that their relationship start to ruin. Shiraishi become miserable each passing by, how she rely much on alcohol beverages and her other friends everytime she failed. Then their fights start, lies and arguments. And times come when she doesn't recognizes her girlfriend anymore.
She often told by her friends to break up with her since she's a failure and all but she ignore all of them because she believe at her, she love her so much.
But no matter how you love a person when you are really tire, there are times when you feel like giving up. And that is what Nishino feels right now. She's tired of everything.
"I'm tired."
After a long silence in the middle of the darkness, Nishino mumble those words. Shiraishi slowly tilt her head up and saw the shiny tears that escape from Nishino eyes. She can feel her throat turn dry and body stiffen.
"I'm tired of everything, Maiyan." Nishino brush her hair and tilt her head up, staring to the ceiling. "I don't think I can do this anymore. I don't think this will work out anymore."
Shiraishi felt her body stiffen. She can feel the pain in Nishino voices that she's been holding for so long. It's so hard to move, everything become numb.
"I don't understand why everything has to be like this. I don't understand why..why.." Nishino stop in the middle of her sentence as her eyes caught the papers on the floor. Nishino knew it will hurt Shiraishi but she's in pain too and doesn't know how she will work her mind. She carelessly kick the papers on the floor causing some to scattered father. Shiraishi silently watch her as she continue to kick it as if the pain and anger will lessen from this. "I don't fucking understand why do you need to stay in your passion when your parents are willing to pay for you to have a better job?! For once Maiyan, lower your pride. Your pride won't lead us nowhere!"
"You know I don't want to be a doctor! I don't want any help from my parents! You know I love this fashion! You know everything of this, Nanase!" Shiraishi nearly broke her voice in the middle, she curl her fist into ball and stare at Nishino eyes.
"But your fucking love to your passion won't lead us nowhere, Mai! It's ruining us!" Nishino shout which causes her to broke into tears again. Shiraishi can't move her body, she watch Nishino as the girl collapse on the floor. She desperately bury her fingers on her head while staring on the floor. "Have you once..think of me, Mai? Have you once think of what im feeling all these years? Have you once thought if I'm still happy? Have you once thought if this relationship is still happy?"
Shiraishi want to answer her yes but her throat become dry and she think there's no voice will escape from her mouth. But she want her to answer those questions. Yes, she always. She always think of Nishino, thinking of everything that she's doing is for her. She's her inspiration and the only strength. She want her to be happy because she clearly remember how Nishino said that she love all Shiraishi design and seeing her like this would make her happy. But to answer her like that feels off.
"I love you Maiyan, I really do." They both look at each other, eyes telling different emotions. "But this is not we promise each other, we both promise to love and make each other happy. I am not happy anymore."
Nishino confession bring pain to her heart again but it's weird that she can't show any emotion. But she is sure that she doesn't want this, she want this to be stop before Nishino could those words but it's too late.
"Let's break up."
Nishino stood from the floor and left Shiraishi unable to move, staring emotionless to the spot where Nishino is sitted before she left.
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A/N: So here's another NanaMai (Nanase x Mai) fanfic. I'm a big fan of angst and this OTP. It's my first time to write here, I notice the lack of nogi fics that's why I decide to make one. Hope you support this! Let's support Nogizaka46 💜 Hope you share your thoughts about this story, I would love to know it. Thank you!
Topic: MAD (Shiraishi Mai x Nishino Nanase) (Read 5393 times)