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Author Topic: [eel_96's fanfic] ANNOUNCEMENT!!  (Read 17941 times)

Offline eel_96

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[eel_96's fanfic] ANNOUNCEMENT!!
« on: July 13, 2013, 03:41:26 PM »
This is my first fanfic here so i hope you will like it..  :D Just give me your thought and any suggestion..
Thank you very much...  :kneelbow:


In this world there is a very special moment which is just only few people know about it.
It all started when sun became 3 and it was just the beginning. One by one the chosen people start realizing what they have got, special powers…
This special moment called “The Battle”.
There are the Specials and the Sweepers. In every battle they fight for their lives. Hmm.. No. It’s better to be said the Specials fight for their lives.
Sweepers are just normal people who have being trained so they can surpass Specials and kill them.
In every battle Sweepers always finish their missions perfectly, but…. In the battle 3 years ago..
Something different happened….

Present time..
It’s getting dark and three students are going home.
“Whoaaa…. Look! Look! The sun..” a girl said to her friends.
“What? What is it with the sun?” the other girl look at the sky and “ What the.. 3 suns?? Am I dreaming?”
“Oh come on guys. It’s just a natural thing. Nothing wrongs with that. And don’t look at it too long if you still want to use your eyes.” the last three of them talked.
“No doubt from the genius. You really know everything, don’t you?”
“What is the use of internet? I’m sure you two just chatting or looking for useless things.” the so called genius girl mock her friends playfully and then walk ahead.
“Hiee… So mean of the cyborg girl.” the first girl complain.”Hey wait for us!”

Somewhere in Japan…
“Finally the time has come. Wait for me you monster. I’ll find you and kill you for sure.” a girl watch the sun from the peak of a high building.
She takes a photo from her pocket and look at it sadly. “I miss you…” tears start to pour.

Another part of Japan…
“Yow!! Long time no see… So what will we do now? The sign has just been seen.” A girl goes in without knocking.
“Give me some respect. I’m still your boss.”
“Ah don’t be like that… Hehehe… So what must I do now?”
“Find the person with “that power” and bring her here in “that” state.” The person so called “boss” talk seriously. “Oh and find every Specials’ data out there quickly. Tell everyone to do it. And remember..” she stop for a sec before continue, “No one left behind this time. You understand?”
“Ok ok.. I get it. Then.. See ya!!”
The “boss” walk to her window and look outside, looking at the sun. Then she smile, “Game start.”


So this is the prologue....  :mon thumb: How is it?
Please give me your comments so i can improve my writing... Thank you!!!  :kneelbow:
Must i continue this story???

« Last Edit: May 07, 2015, 05:42:29 PM by eel_96 »

Offline Kochiki

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Ah...No suggestion~ It's all perfect already for me~~
-And your writing, i think it's a pass~ I like your writing!!~
-Wait...3 suns?!?! That totally cool!! Oh...Cyborg Girl can only be one..Heheh~
-Specials...I wonder that is related to the 3 girls???~
-Who said "I miss you"??~ I wonder...and the girl who wanted to kill the monster??~
-Curiosity is all over my head now!!~ Interesting prologue!!~

>Plz update soon...You should continue it!!~ So many new fic!~ Like it!!~

Offline Shinoki

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Sounds interesting...
so is this 3 yrs ago from a present tense third person?

Offline shadowstep

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its a cool prologue

hahaha I already want chapter 1

Offline imteedee

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Seriously?!?! ugh I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF FANFICS TODAY  :dizzy:


I'm not getting enough hours of sleep now  :on blackhole:

this fic is very promising  :prayers:
my hat is off. saluting.

Offline gek geki

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Offline leEwẬy

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Oho~ Another Mayuki fic :onioncheer: *camping here*
The prologue looks awesome :on GJ:
The sun divided into three, cool~ :ding:
I'm think most of readers've already known about the first student :bigdeal:
I wonder who're those two and also the three Sweepers, especially the girl said "I miss you" :dunno:
I'm looking forward to your update :on gay:
Update ASAP, please :kneelbow:
Working on translating an awesome Kojiyuu fanfic, right now ☆〜(ゝ。∂) :mon beam:

Offline eel_96

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[eel_96's fanfic] Life is Unfair (Mayuki and other couples) [Chapter 1]
« Reply #7 on: July 14, 2013, 05:50:35 PM »
Thank you for your replies... :kneelbow: I'm really happy you enjoy reading the prologue  :mon lovelaff:
And for more information the prologue is in present time.
The setting is in present time but there is something happened in 3 years ago which is related to present time.
So here is the chapter 1... Hope you like it..

[Chapter 1]

#rinngggg..... The bell ring indicating break time.
"Haaaa.... Finally." A girl sighing on her seat. "So boring... I want to go home." She put her head on her desk.
"Mayu chan~" suddenly the girl hear her name being called which make her startled and sit straight really quickly.
"Oh god you startle me Miyuki."
"Hahahahha... Mayu chan is so funny. Why you look so lifeless like that?" Miyuki ask her friend.
"School is my enemy. It's sooo boring. I can't bear this anymore." Mayu complain.
"Hahahha... Of course the genius girl will be bored since everything is very easy for you." Miyuki said playfully.
"Thank you for the praise. Let's go to cafetaria?"
"Of course i'm starving."
In cafetaria....
"Rabutan!" Miyuki shout at Rabutan and waving.
Rabutan come to Mayu and Miyuki. "Hey there Miyuki. Hello Mayu." But it seems like Mayu attention has completely taken for something. Being aware of something that has distract her friend making Mayuki and Rabutan smile mischievously.
"Just go to your lovely senpai Mayu chan." Rabutan sudden comment bring Mayu back to her consciousness.
"Rabutan!! Since when you join us?"
"Since you drown on your thought looking at your senpai." Rabutan tease Mayu make the girl blush and Miyuki just laughing behind.
"Seriously Mayu chan. Just go to her already and confess your feeling." Miyuki tell Mayu.
"I can't. I scared she will reject me and i don't know what must i do if that happen."
"Hah.. You really hopeless Mayu. For how many more years you will torture yourself like this?" Rabutan comment sadly.
The rest of school Mayu can't focus listening the lessons. She can't stop thinking what her friends said to her. She really want to talk to Kashiwagi Yuki, she want her senpai to know how she feel but she's just too scared what will happen after that. What if she reject her? She is not ready for that.
Yes, Kashiwagi Yuki is the girl who has taken Mayu heart away. She has loved Yuki since she came to this school.
Mayu is a transfered student. Although she moved to this school when she was in first grade of middle school but she came when the school had already started for few months because of some reason. Yuki is her senpai, she was in second year of high school at that time. And now Mayu already a freshman in high school and Yuki has already in university. It has been 3 years since she first saw this senpai.
3 years ago....
Mayu POV
"Hello everyone my name is Watanabe Mayu. Let's befriend and please help me in the future." I bowed to my new friends.
Everyone clapped their hands. After my introduction sensei told me to sit down.
"Hi Watanabe san nice to meet you. I'm Ota Aika but just call me Rabutan." She extend her hand to me.
"Hi." I take her hand. "Just call me Mayu."
Rabutan is really nice. She helped me all day. She even introduced me to her friends. Even though we just met but i had feel comfortable around her.
(Let's just skip to the end of the school :p)
"Sorry Mayu chan. I need to go home now. I have promised my mom to accompany her to mall." Rabutan tell me.
"It's okay Rabutan chan. Then i will go now too. Bye.." I waved to her as i walked to opposite direction from her.
"Bye Mayu chan."
I took train to my home. At this busy time it's always crowded but what can i do.
I went in to the train and right after i went in because my body was really small, i was being pushed to the corner and i almost couldn't breath at that time.
I was about to faint because lack of air but suddenly i didn't feel any pressure on my body and when i open my eyes i saw a girl probably older than me standing in front of me taking all the pressure from other passengers there. She was saving me. I could see she was really struggle holding many pushes to her back.
I stared at her face. She is the most beautiful girl i ever seen in my life, she had long black hair, her skin was so white and it looked so soft. Then i saw her uniform. She was from the same school as mine but she was a high school student. Rabutan had told me everything about my new school.
My new school is an all girl school which has every grades from kindergarten until university. Most of the students continue their study in this school until they're graduate from university because they want together with their friends.
Because i was too busy looking at her beauty, i didn't aware the train had stopped at the next station and the passengers went out from the train and she was going out too. Before i could thanked her she already disappeared.
The next day...
I still couldn't forget the senpai who saved me yesterday. I barely slept last night thinking bout her. I wanted to know her more.
"Mayu chan~ morning.." Rabutan greeted me from behind. I looked back at her still walking and waving at her. "Hey Rabutan!"
Suddenly i bumped someone and i fell. "Ouchh. My butt."
"Are you okay?" When i looked at the source of the voice i was really surprised. It's none other than the senpai who saved me yesterday.
"A-aaahh yeah i'm okay. Sorry i didn't pay attention at where i'm walking." I bowed to her.
"Mayu chan are you okay?" Rabutan came from behind. I just nod to her.
"Then i must go now. Bye." She said and walked again leaving me and Rabutan.
'Ah i'm forget to thanked her. Stupid Mayu.'

"Kashiwagi senpai really is a princess of this school. We're too far compared to her." Rabutan comment.
"Yo-you know her?" I asked.
"Of course Mayu. Who doesn't know her in this whole school? She is the star here. Everybody admire her."
"Really? What is her name?"
"What's for? You like her already?" Rabutan just want to tease me but she is really shock when my cheek turn red. "You really like her? Kashiwagi Yuki senpai? You has just met Mayu. For god sake."
"A-actually i have met her yesterday in train." I told her everything.
"Wow really feels like a comic book huh?" She joked and then laugh i just stared at her still quiet.
Since that day i can't take Kashiwagi senpai away from my mind. Everyday when i wake up the first thing i remember is her and when before sleep i also think bout her.
Back to present....
I am walking at a park. My mind is full of the memory 3 years ago till i don't really aware where i'm going.
Being too drown with my thought i doesn't realize there is a bicycle coming to me.
"Watch out!" I'm back to my concious and just closed my eyes when i look back. Too shock because it will hit me in no time. I just can close my eyes and wait the bicycle to hit me but after for some time i feel myself being push. When i open my eyes there again, she is saving me again for the second time.
"Ka-kashiwagi senpai."
I'm really shock when i see her under me. She is not just save me from the bicycle but she also prevent me hitting the ground.
"You're not paying attention at where you walk again." she giggle. "Are you okay?" She asked me.
"Ye-yes senpai i'm okay." Then i look at her right arm. "Senpai.. Your arm. It's bleeding. I'm sorry it's my fault for not paying attention at where i'm walking.
"No no it's okay. Don't mind it."
"Sorry girls. Are you two okay?" The driver ask.
"Yeah we're okay. Don't worry." Kashiwagi senpai said.
"I'm really sorry for troubling you two. I didn't look at the front." He bow. "Ah your arm is bleeding. Let me take you to hospital."
"No need it's okay. You must treat your wound too. I can do it by myself." She smile to the man.
"Okay then. I'm sorry once again." He bow again then leave me and Yuki senpai.
"I'm sorry senpai. And thank you for saving me." I bow to her.
"No problem hmm... Mayu right?" She ask which make me surprised. She know my name?
"Ah Mayu i will go first then."
"Wait senpai." I grab her left arm. "It's my fault your arm is hurt so for express my gratitute i must at least help you treat your wound."
"No need Mayu. It's just a little cut. I can treat it by myself." She refuse but i keep insist. "No senpai. Please?? I can't forgive myself if i let you go alone like this."
"Okay then but my home is quite far from here." She said.
"Hmm my home is near here. Let's go there." She just nod her head.
At Mayu home..
"Please sit first senpai. I'll take the first aid kit. What do you want to drink senpai?"
"Anything is fine. Thank you."
"No senpai it's me who must thanked you."
'You have saved me twice.' I said in my mind.
I let Kashiwagi senpai to sit in the living room then i take drink and first aid kit.

"Here the drink and let me see your arm."
To my surprise her wound is closing by itself untill it completely gone.
"Se-senpai.. Yo-your wound.. It's gone. Ho-how.."
She just keep silent stare at her wound shock.
I move back because i really shock at what i just saw and i hit the glass accidentally making it fall. I try to catch it then when it is about to hit the ground it stop, floating in the air. I move my hand instructing the glass to stand on the desk again.
"What the.." Yuki senpai said shock. I look at my hands. How can this happen? I can control something without touching it and Kashiwagi senpai wound healing by itself.
For some seconds we don't move still at our position digesting what just happened.
"What happen to us? How can this happen?" I said still shock breaking the silence.
"We must keep this a secret. You mustn't tell anyone. Not your friends even your parents."


How is it?
They start to get their power... :on woohoo:
This is about Mayuki and more couple soon...
Stay tune... :on asmo:

Offline Terragen

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I think it because the bycycle man

Lovers, keep on the road you're on
Runners, until the race is run
Soldiers, you've got to soldier on
Sometimes even right is wrong

Offline kuro808

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Yuki ends up with special powers after an accident.  Interesting start!!
Random Thought:


R.I.P. Jab!  Dad/friend

Offline kenjoy12

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Yuki's ability is self healing regeneration and Mayu's ability is telekinesis? :oops:

What just happened? How? When?

Interesting! :fap Looking forward for more :thumbsup

Thank you for the update :bow: :twothumbs
« Last Edit: July 14, 2013, 08:45:56 PM by kenjoy12 »

Offline imteedee

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it's gonna be their dirty little secret  :hiakhiakhiak:
my hat is off. saluting.

Offline leEwẬy

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Ara~ Mayu's in love with Yuki :ding: How's about Yuki :on lol:
Mayu's sure clumsy, Yuki had safe her thrice times :on drink:
By the accident, they're discorved their powers :on spit:
Now, their powers are sceret but I think thanks to those they'll be more closer :wahaha:
Anyway, I'm looking forward to the others' powers
Update ASAP, please :kneelbow:
Working on translating an awesome Kojiyuu fanfic, right now ☆〜(ゝ。∂) :mon beam:

Offline mo-chan

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Mayuki's 'little' secret   :rofl: :rofl:
I really like the story  XD
please update soon I love it!!  :cathappy:  :thumbsup

Jurina is my oshi forever!! (>w<)/
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Offline DC2805

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"You're not paying attention at where you walk again." she giggle.

Yuki knows Mayu name and remembers her...hmm...who knows, she might be a stalker? haha. I'm sure she has some interest in Mayu.
Visit my FFs:
We Love the Hospital! OS (Mayuki + Wmatsui) + Omake

The Foreigner Husband and The Traditional Wife (Wmatsui)

[Short OS] "Puppy" Love (Pairings: JR + YH)

My Little Brother Can't Be This Cute!

Derailed - OS featuring Aya x Nao

Offline eel_96

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[eel_96's fanfic] Life is Unfair (Mayuki and other couples) [Chapter 2]
« Reply #15 on: July 26, 2013, 02:41:17 PM »
Sorry for the late update everyone...
i was busy this past few days... so here is the second chapter...

[Chapter 2]
Somebody POV
"We must keep this a secret. You mustn't tell anyone. Not your friends even your parents."

"Why? Isn't it better if we tell someone? They can help us." Mayu ask.
"No Mayu! Let me explain to you. How can we sure this secret won't leak when we tell someone? They may forget and say about it accidentally. And you know what people will do to us when they know our secret? They will scared and when government know we may become..."
"Their experiment.." Mayu cut Yuki. She already knew what will Yuki said to her.
"Yeah you're smart. So promise me you will never tell anybody. This is our secret." Yuki take out her pinky and then they do the pinky promise. Mayu just nod her head.

"Okay then i think it's time for me to go home. Then i will go. Bye Mayu and thanks for the invitation." Yuki said break the silence after their punky promise.
"No senpai. It's me who has to thanked you. Thank you again for today." Mayu bow.
"Ah don't mind it. Bye." Yuki wave her hand and go to the front door.
"A-ah wait senpai.. It has become dark. I think it's dangerous if you go at this hour. Just sleep over here tonight." Mayu stop Yuki. She surely worry for her senpai but in fact she also doesn't want to separated from her beloved senpai this fast.
"Hmmm... You got the point, Mayuyu." Yuki said smiling while come closer to Mayu.
"Mayuyu?" Mayu asked surprised, just one person called her with that name. It's her sister who suddenly missing 3 years ago.
"Yes.. I like that nickname and from now on just call me Yukirin okay? Yuki senpai kind of awkward for me... hehehehe..." Yuki giggle.
"Okay then.. Yu-yukirin. So will you stay for tonight?" Mayu said blushing really hard and then look to side to hide her red cheeks.
"Hmm.. Of course i would glad to stay here with you. Thank you Mayuyu for the invitation." Yuki grin which make Mayu blush more till like a ripe tomatoes.

Few days later... Morning at school gate....
Mayu POV
'Okay this is pretty awkward. I walk together with the school's princess. And she is my senpai too.'

"Hey hey... Look! It's Kashiwagi Yuki, who the hell she is walking with? I never see her and it's look like she is a high school student."
"Oh my god!! Yuki sama walk with someone we never know. I can't accept this."
"We even never she her how could she has courage to walk with Yuki sama."

I hear everyone whisper to their friends. It feels really hurt. Am i really doesn't the right to just walk with her?

Flashback this morning...
It has been a day since the last i met her on Friday when we got this powers.
We have become much closer after the sleep over at my house 2 days ago. Although we have just met but she is really kind to me. I'm not wrong have always liked her until now.
Now was Monday morning and i was getting ready to go to school. My parents have gone to work since really early in the morning. I almost never meet them. But I've used to it. At first i felt really lonely but now i'm not really care anymore.
Actually my parents were not like that before but after my sister suddenly missing they began to be like this, work everytime. Maybe this is their way to relieve their stress.
She is not my biological sister but i love her very much like my own sister.

#knock voice....
"Mayu... Mayuyu chan..." I was eating my breakfast when i heard someone knocked my front door and called my name.
"I think i know this voice." I talked to myself. Then i went to open the door.
"Yukirin!! What are you doing here?" I asked surprised.
"I come to fetch you. I want to walk together with you." Yuki said grinning really wide. Oh god she is so cute.
"O-owh... Wait a minute i just need to take my bag. Ehmmm just wait inside first." I let her come in and did whatever she wanted.
"Wow Mayu is really cute when she was a kid. I want you to be my little sister." She said while looking at my family photos in the living room. Those photos always make me sad because they always remind me of my missing sister. I don't know why she didn't ask me who the girl beside me on the photos since it must made her curious. But i just let it be.
"Go now?" I asked to the amazed girl who looked at photos one by one excitedly.
"Un.." she nod cutely.
End of flashback...

I really drown to my thought untill i really surprised when she suddenly grab my hand. "Let's go! Don't hear their comments. We are friends right? Of course we can walk together." She smile to me make me calm down. I smile back her and grab her hand tighter.

After some scandalous walk in the morning at school we go separate to our own classes.

"Seems like the hot topic girl has something to be told for us." Miyuki said without evan greet me first.
"What do you mean?" I ask as if i don't understand what she mean.
"Don't pretend like you don't understand Mayu chan. Tell me what happen between you and Kashiwagi senpai. How come you walk together with her this morning?" Rabutan ask like she is interogating me.
"Okay kay.. I'll tell you guys what happened." I tell them everything except the super power part like my promise to Yuki.

"Wow... You're so lucky Mayu chan.. I'm really envy you." Miyuki said and then pouting cutely.
"I'm happy for you Mayu.. Finally you did it after 3 years pass." Rabutan pat my head.

After that the teacher come in and we study like usual. But because i feel really bored i make entertain myself and maybe some of my classmates a little. I just make the teacher to close the again and again because i open the door non stop with my power and then when my teacher is going to take a chalk i make it roll so she can't take it. I just giggle at what i did.
'This power is fun.' I said to myself.

"Really? But maybe you will regret get this power in the future."

"Eh??" I stand from my seat.
"Is there a problem Watanabe san?" Sensei ask me.
"A-ahh nothing sensei. I'm sorry.." I bow then sit again. "What was that? It felt like someone whispered right beside my ear." I whisper to myself and rub the back of my neck but without i know Miyuki hear it and watch me worriedly.

Right after the class end i go to Yuki.
"Mayu where are you going?" Miyuki ask but i just ignore it and keep walking.

Then i spot Yuki is walking with someone to the school gate.
"Yuki!!" I shout. She look back and smile. "Hey! What's up?"
"I have something to tell you. This is important." Then i look at the girl beside her.
"Ah this is my friend. Let me introduce you two. Mayuyu this is Miyazawa Sae and Sae chan this is Watanabe Mayu who i have told you before."
"Nice to meet you Watanabe san. Yuki has talked a lot about you."
"Nice to meet you too Miyazawa senpai."
We both shake hands and right after our hands meet i get a really bad feeling about this senpai.
She smile to me and I return her smile awkwardly.

"Yuki.. Can i talk to you? Just two of us?" I look at Yuki again. I think she is understand what i will say to her.
"Of course Mayu. Ehh Sae chan can i go with her? I will text you when i get home." Yuki said to Sae senpai.
"Okay.. Just go. I won't disturb your date." Sae senpai tease us. I blush and i think i see Yukirin blush too but it's impossible.

After that Sae senpai walk leaving me and Yuki alone. We see her dissapear from our sight.
"Yuki i don't know but when i shake my hand with Miyazawa senpai i got a really bad feeling. It feels like something bad will happen to us." I talk honestly to her.
"Nothing bad will happen Mayu. Believe me. She is my best friend. So calm down okay?" She grab my shoulder really gentle which make me calm immediately.
"Okay back to the actual topic. This morning when i was in class suddenly i hear a girl voice it felt like she whispered right beside my ear. She said that i will regret i get this power in the future. I'm scared Yuki." I tell her everything. Yuki take me to her arm. I really enjoy her hug.
"Believe me Mayuyu i will protect you no matter what so don't be scared okay?" Once again she calm me down with her soothing voice.

Someone POV
"Boss.. I have a good news!! I got chance to be near the girl. I have tried to release the seal and she felt it all. She is amazing like you said before. I will begin my plan soon. Just wait her at your place." a girl talk on her phone watching Mayu and Yuki secretly.
"Good job Sae. I don't tolerate even just a little mistake from you."
"Okay! I won't disappoint you. This Miyazawa Sae is too amazing to make any mistake." Sae talk to her "boss" on the phone. After some chat she hang up.
"Hmm interesting.. Really an intersting girl. I'll get you Watanabe Mayu, the new sweeper's assassin." Sae chuckle.

What?!? Mayu is an assassin?? if you want to know what's the meaning read the next chapter  :wahaha:
Sae is really suspicious right? Who actually Sae is and who she is talking with on the phone??
Why Yuki didn't ask anything about Mayu's sister? And what happen to Mayu's sister and who she is?
Please keep support this story ^^   
Stay tune.....

Offline Zita

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I just found this story.
And it is pretty good. :grin:

Offline kenjoy12

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Hope you update soon~! :fap

Thank you for the update :bow: :twothumbs

Offline DiVAGal2458

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Why?!?!?!  :shocked
Why is Sae a Bad Guy?  :?
at least that's how it appears...she's always the bad guy in Mayuki stories and i don't like it!  :angry:
the story itself is good though  :twothumbs
If Sae is a good guy please pair her with Sayaka...I like all Sae Pairings the most  :cathappy:
Looking forward to the next Chapter :panic:

Offline imteedee

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Why?!?!?!  :shocked
Why is Sae a Bad Guy?  :?
at least that's how it appears...she's always the bad guy in Mayuki stories and i don't like it!  :angry:

I was about to say this too,   :kekeke: I'm loyal with my oh so precious MaYuki but fairly speaking but oh well haha poor Sae, somehow her character fits to be the Villain more like she's versatile in every way so that means she's that good to play every character these awesome authors create, oh I love Sae too  :mon dance:, just don't get in the way of MaYuki please?  :mon hanky:

yeah! Yuki protect Mayuyu all the way! stay overnight EVERYDAY!!!  :mon determined:

 :mon misch:
my hat is off. saluting.

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