File #18"Mama, did you know? I think I've found someone I really like."
Chin to cushion, large dark eyes staring unblinkingly. Bare feet kicked idly at the plush covers, even as one soft cheek tilted down to nuzzle into the smooth fabric, perspective shifting.
Her audience said nothing, smiling steadily with gentle warmth. One finger reached out, stroking almost tentatively as full lips parted with a soft sigh. The surface was cool to the touch, and only reminded her of the distance between them.
"I..." She started, then broke off. "She..." More hesitation, as the girl on the couch rolled onto her back, staring blankly up at the ceiling. Words bubbled up within her, but she found herself picking frantically through them, trying to find the right words to say.
"There's someone I like..." She began again, slowly this time. "Father doesn't approve, as usual." Her lips curved into a self-mocking sneer. "When does Father ever approve?"
Another sigh, and her vision shifted abruptly as she rolled back onto her stomach. Her cheeks were puffed out now, giving her the appearance of a petulant child as she squinted at the person in the frame.
"Mama, do you know? There's so many things about me that Father doesn't know about. He can't even really look at me anymore, not after you were gone. He says he's keeping me safe, but he doesn't even know what I want or need."
The words had exited in a rush, the air leaving her cheeks as they reddened in her agitation, her fingers clenching and unclenching with obvious tension. Her eyes squeezed shut for a moment, even as she inhaled slowly to calm herself down. She was no longer lying down.
"I really do like her, Mama." Her voice was even again, her eyes returning to the image of her mother gazing tenderly at her. She reached out and pulled it closer, cradling the frame in her arms.
"She reminds me of you." Her voice had dropped to a whisper. She hugged her knees to herself, the framed photo of her smiling mother tucked between her thighs and her stomach. Her eyes were fixed on an invisible spot some distance in front of her, even as she rested her chin on her now raised knees.
"Would you really approve of what I'm doing now, Mama?" One hand reached down to pull out the photo, her thumb rubbing slow circles on the glass cover. Her eyes were wistful, the hidden depths misted over with layers of unshed tears and even more secrecy.
"Is it really alright...?"
~*~*~
"Ai-chan! Don't sleep here, you'll catch cold!" Risa scolded, her voice more motherly than sharp as she had originally intended. Ai merely blinked sleepily and squinted up at her childhood friend, having readily rested her head on Risa's lap the moment the younger girl sat down on the couch.
For her part, Risa wasn't actually doing anything to reinforce her complaints, one hand still placidly stroking Ai's hair like how one would coax a child to sleep. A contented smile appeared on Ai's lips, complacent and secure in the assumption that Risa would indulge her whims.
"Ai-chan..." A gentle smile touched Risa's lips, the fog that had descended around her momentarily lifting as she threaded her fingers through the fine strands of Ai's hair. Her other hand was currently trapped in between Ai's hands and chest, such that she could feel the steady rhythm of both her heartbeat and breathing.
Ai was here, she actually
was. Not some figment of her imagination, nor some hazy hallucination that her mind had cooked up. Risa let out the sigh that had been trapped within her chest for ages, a genuine sigh of relief.
Looking down at the peaceful visage of her Ai-chan, Risa moved one finger down the older girl's cheek and on to her jawline, giggling a little as Ai's nose twitched when Risa's hand brushed past it. It was almost just like old times, when Ai always came to her like a spoiled child seeking attention, and her the mature one indulging the older girl's every whim.
Almost like old times. The smile faded a little. They were both older now, for one thing. They were currently in Risa's apartment, where Risa now lived alone, away from her foster family, for her education. It was now in the middle of the night, way past her bedtime, and she was sitting in her living room with Ai dozing on her lap.
A whisper of the nightmare came back to her, of demonic eyes and impassive face, the veritable stranger that had violated her, right here in this very place, leaving her broken and in tears.
One a demon, the other an angel. Both lay slumbering within the deceptively innocent young woman dozing on her lap, and that sleeping face seemed more angelic than any newborn babe. The contrast could not be any more jarring, and conflicting emotions warred within her.
She threw that battle aside though, and focused on the moment. Ai appeared so unguarded right now, so at ease and at peace with the world. Just like how the Ai-chan that had belonged solely to her was, back in the day. Before she had left. Before everything changed.
Something wet fell onto that flawless cheek, making the skin around her eyes twitch as she frowned in her sleep. Ai opened her eyes to see Risa hurriedly wiping at her own face, as if embarrassed by the outpouring of emotion.
Risa started a little when Ai reached up to cup her cheek gently, using her thumb to flick away the rest of the tears. The tenderness of the gesture only made the tears come faster, practically reducing the younger to a sobbing mess.
Somewhere along the way, Risa found herself crying into Ai's shoulder, clinging to the older girl like a lifeline in the middle of a storm. Ai said nothing, merely continuing to pat Risa's back comfortingly, letting the younger cling to her and sob all her fears out.
"Ai-chan...baka..." There were so many things that Risa had wanted to say to her. To this cruel, gentle person that she loved and hated at the same time. A torrent of emotion, beyond words or action, surging within her. Yet all she could utter was those banal phrases, in that torn, tear-choked way that tugged at one's heartstrings.
"Risa." That voice, infinitely gentle, patiently tender. Ai guided Risa's head away from her shoulder, resting her own forehead against Risa's own, both of them enjoying the closeness.
"Ai-chan..."
"I want to sleep now." Risa stared at the earnest expression on Ai's face. The eyes were guarded, but the rest of her face was ripe with sincerity. Yet it was the eyes that had cut her off, preventing further discussion. Risa bowed her head, leaning against Ai as she wrapped her arms around the older girl's waist.
Risa clung tightly to Ai even as the older easily lifted her, wondering only in passing just how strong the fragile-seeming girl really was. The thought flitted out of her mind as quickly as it had come, even as Ai laid her down gently on her bed, before scooting in under the covers next to her.
Ai was asleep within moments, her breathing evening out and becoming smooth and regular, the tension draining from her face as she curled up into Risa's embrace. The younger girl held the older in her arms protectively, almost possessively, as if reluctant to let go or even let her out of her sight for even one moment.
With a sigh, Risa cuddled up closer into Ai, feeling the kinks in both body and mind unwind and relax at the familiar warmth. They had slept like this often, many times before, back at the orphanage when they were but mere children. In the darkest of nights, they always had each other, and always knew the way into each other's arms.
A brief, hazy thought entered her mind as it slowly began to fog with sleep's haze. Was it always Ai-chan who crawled into her bed, or was she the one who went to hers?
Her mind barely entertained the question as it winked off into dreamland, dropping off between one thought and the next. Her breathing became steady, a contented smile curving her lips.
Yet the question of her next thought that had been so abruptly cut off remained.
Was I the one holding you, or have I always just been holding on to you?===============================================================================
Hmm. I feel very retrospective now. TakaGaki had a lot of backstory here. It makes me sad.
Comment freely everyone!
Topic: Nocturne [13/02 - Epilogue (END)] (Read 112711 times)