Hey guys!
I am new here. I have been "lurking" for long time though.
I decided to give it a shot and trying to write my own fanfiction.
It's about my otp who are Matsui Rena and Furukawa Airi.
Hope you enjoy it and feel (super) free to comment, criticize, like/dislike it.
:)
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Title: Fanservice
Type: One-shot
Pairing: Matsui Rena x Furukawa Airi
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Fanservice.
our chemistry is just about it?
内心では
This thing between us… It used to be so real.
So real I couldn’t even believe it.
No, it can’t be just fanservice.
It just happened that, one day, the fact that I like you, and I really do like you, became public, overused and abused.
Backstage videos, blog posts, gal games references, even tips from the staff about how I should be cute with you and you should be cute with me...
I know sharing our private lives with fans, it is part of what we are as idols, but you know me, I am so shy when it comes to you. And instead, those things made me feel that this beautiful dream, the dream of me reaching you, Rena-san, was getting fake.
I took refuge in my friendship with Churi, because I am fond of her and I'm fine with her and it seems that no one seriously force me to show my affection to her.
When she is with me I'm all right, ‘cause I feel free to express the real me.
It seems like I can share with Churi all the precious time of this world smiling happily, brightly, till it hurts.
I would like to be carefree as well when I spend time with you, Rena-san.
But it’s just impossible for me, I feel so different in your presence.
It is like a pure joy mixed up with the worst frustration ever.
You know, I am not sure about who I am going to be in a few years.
I am sure about what I like, my hobbies and my obsessions, my family and my life as an idol right now ... but I have not a clue about my future. Especially if it means dealing with love matters.
When I force myself to think about it, I feel uneasy. So I prefer to skip these thoughts and carry on smiling, dorking around.
Not today though. For no reason today I can’t avoid these thoughts, maybe due to what happened recently.
I was still a teenager when I decided to make this attempt to enter in the entertainment world. At those times I wasn’t thinking about love, boys or whatever. Never felt those girlish dokidoki feelings yet. I had no idea what it could mean to feel emotionally and physically attracted to a person.
And for sure I couldn’t imagine I would have liked a girl.
Liking her so much I would have wished to share everything with her. Even the most taboo fantasy of having sex with her.
Honestly, I still feel mentally so young for it. I feel so young for a lot of things actually…
Yet I am an adult, and it’s pretty clear when from time to time I can’t help but listening to my body’s needs. Especially when I find myself thinking more and more about the person I would like to have this experience with.
That, unfortunately, it's you Rena-san.
Gosh, everything related to you makes me embarassed.
I can be the hentai that everyone knows without any effort.
But when it comes to this, to me and you...
無理。無理だよ。
Anyway, this is Japan, the Japan where I was born, I have been living for twenty-three years and where I am an idol. And well… yeah, I am pretty sure this aspect of me can’t be accepted so easily.
And the fact itself that being part of SKE48 I agreed to the no-romance rule is not helping me at all.
I do not know whether I am gay or not. And frankly I don’t care that much.
My family was pretty good in bringing me up as a “sexual being”, not deciding what I should or shouldn’t be.
But this is what really matters for normal people, right? To find a category and be safely part of that...
I personally feel so distant from these normal people, then.
I am sure you would agree with me, if you just could hear my thoughts right now.
Your way of being strange is on another level, though.
Even for me is difficult to follow the stream of your feelings when you start being truly your Rena-ish self.
You are so intense sometimes. So sensitive and so aware of the complexity of the world that surrounds us. Not everything is about being kawaii, ne?
I like this gap of you so much Rena-san.
I am not so experienced to understand categories anyway.
I am in love, I am not in love, I like girls, I like boys. Difficult questions.
How many people did I love in my life? Not so much, I am inexperienced to properly answer to these questions.
I know one thing though. That right now I like you more than anyone else.
Maybe my feelings reach the point I can even say I fell in love with you.
But what about you? This is the worst question ever.
You often embrace me, hold my hand for a few precious seconds, but you never act toward me as you do with other members and you... never kiss me. Honestly I would die if you do, so maybe better this way.
We take pictures together, you tell me that you like me and I say the same to you, but I don't know if you really understand what these words really do means to Furukawa.
Gosh I have found out that those stupid things about the heartbeat are sadly true. As soon as I know I will be going to meet you in a few hours, I cannot help but hearing it and feeling shaky inside out.
Like last friday when we were greeting each other behind the stage at the handshaking event in Tokyo. It was very hard for me. Don’t know why, I was way too hyped, but my only thought was to taste your lips.
It was tough, very tough. And embarassing.
I felt like this just once before.
We were recording at the K’z station ... You were sitting next to me and every now and then my harm brushed against yours. Accidentally at first, then I made it on purpose.
You didn’t move away and, occasionally, it seemed to me you even moved your legs closer to mine, to enjoy this further contact and the heat that were coming from this little shy and intimate skinship.
What nonsense.
I don’t want to show anyone anymore how I feel around you.
I know it can’t lead to anything good. It would be risky for me to confess these feelings to you. It would be dangerous for this career we have undertaken and definitely a burden for you, who probably (most most probably) don’t feel the same as me.
But I am confident.
That one day, soon or later, when we are not this close anymore, I'll forget this feeling.
Everything has an end, right?
When I am not longer an idol, there will be time to wonder about the future, love and so on. But not now.
あらわにする
Hey! I have to hurry, almost time to leave for work!
Today I'll see you at the theater and this is maybe why I got lost in these thoughts in the first place.
I take my safety-mask, a comic book and I am on the train.
I arrive on time and meet other senbatsu members ready to get on our bus and reach the place where today we have to record a tv program.
Then I hear your voice.
“Airi”.
You are calling me.
Something is wrong, why did you call me Airi? Don’t you usually prefer Airin?
“Need to talk with you later, Airi”.
I would rather not be here now, at all.
We smile to each other despite the atmosphere is a bit strange.
This day is going to be long for sure.
Time passes slowly.
One of most tiring day of my life. Now I regret going to bed so late yesterday night, just to finish my drawings..
I can’t focus, and I keep on thinking you are going to talk to me about something in a few hours. Scaring. How shall I react?
On the pretext that we have a shopping date together after work, we greets other members and slowly have a shower and change our clothes .
Much more slowly than the others, much more slowly than usual.
Only Churi and Shiori are still in the dressing room, but Churi kind of understand the situation and hurries in greeting us and dragging Shiori out with her.
We are alone. Please kami-sama, let me disappear.
I'm so not able to deal with these situations.
Though I am older than you, you seems the only adult woman here.
You are maybe concerned, but you are not shaking like M-kawa.
We are finally ready. We are about to leave the room when I decide it's time to open my mouth and exchange few words with you about what place it's best to have our talk. But we are not even out in the hallway that you grab my wrist and pull me back into the locker room, closing the door behind us.
Your face is so close now. How did it happened?
You are taller than me, but now you seems so small.
What are you thinking? I see your gaze turning to my lips.
What are you going to do? Kiss me?
You start talking.
“Airi”
Airi again, every time you call me Airi I fall for you a little more.
“Airi I have a strong feeling for you”
It's dark, I don’t know what to do, should I turn on the lights?
Wait, what? A strong feeling for me?
"And I know you do not want to show yours for me, your feelings I mean"
You are stuttering. I am dead.
“But I cannot bear it, I'm too jealous. I can stand seeing you smiling with other people while you are excluding me from you life”
Maybe I am not dead, but I am petrified.
“Ne, Airi, you don’t want me inside you life, am I right?”
You said this last sentence smiling bitterly with the saddest look ever and in the dim light I can see a glitter of tears in you eyes.
I never see you crying it's the first thought that crosses my mind.
I'm not crazy, it's really happening.
What should I supposed to do? With your last question you're leaving everything to me.
Too many emotions together.
This is maybe the final proof I'm not an adult woman yet. I feel like running far away right now.
I want to come back to my stupid routine, hapi hori recordings, shonen manga readings, performances, dorking around with Churi, watching Anime, enjoying yuri from the safety of my room.
..."Actually, I am in love with you"
What the hell did I just say?
And what does that "actually" means? It makes my sentence sound like a conclusion. The conclusion of my thoughts. Was it really necessary?
"Once I used to simply like you, as a fan, as someone who wants to support you… but then I screwed up everything falling in love with you"
I think I impressed Matsui Rena.
I impressed myself as well.
But then you reply to me with this so perfect "I like you so much" and you add "every time I see you I like you more than before" .
You are not smiling, you're serious, you're always so serious and deep Matsui Rena.
"And I'm jealous, jealous of those moments in your life when I am not with you Airin"...
Oh, you come back to 'Airin'.
I am speechless, give me time, give me two seconds to think about what to do.
"Is this insane? I want to be with you, I do not want to suppress anything if it's about Airin".
I am not thinking clearly anymore.
After a short silence, I tell her "Last week, at the handshaking, my only desire was to stay behind the stage and kiss you all day long"
I do not know really, if it's me talking anymore
"I mean ... not that it was the most important thing to tell you, right now..."
aah shut me up!
"...but maybe it's me who is insane, not you"
I knew she would take the initiative in the unlikely case something like this would ever occur. I knew it.
Even if the one making a good impression on her and kiss her first should be me. Instead, it was her.
Not fully on my lips though.
I feel the left corner of my mouth literally burning under the soft and inexperienced touch of her lips.
I am even more inexperienced than her in practice if it is possible.
But I am strong in theory..!
So I open my mouth a little and lean my head to the right.
I have read so many manga and seen so many kisses.
Even those kisses between girls in yuri manga.
But this is completely different.
I am not feeling happy just because I see two fictional characters kissing.
This time it's about me. It's me kissing my Rena.
Really, living this moment is too much exciting for me to bear.
I can feel her.
In this exact moment I wish to be her mature woman, her naïve young girlfriend, her expert lover, her strong sempai, her kawaii M-kawa, or just her Airin...
While I'm kissing her my hands are clinging to his sweatshirt. I feel her left hand behind my neck and her right one reaching my arm.
It's all about feel and heart flips.
Not I'm wrong, my nose is working too, and she smells good.
It's been two months. We have been together for two months.
I can't explain what we are. But we are happy, you smile even more than before and I want you so bad.
I have not really touched you.
I do not know where to start frankly, and neither do you, I think.
I want to make love with you, but ...we'll work on this together.
For now it’s enough to enjoy our time together and have this mutual desire for each other.
We made a promise. That in a year we'll find our own way and graduate from SKE48.
We are betraying our fans, because there is a rule that we are not observing. Although we know that is not right we just need one more year in SKE48. Just one more year.
We can only repay them with all the fanservice thing..
The most honest fanservice ever.
Topic: Fanservice (Matsui Rena x Furukawa Airi) - OS COMPLETED (Read 3211 times)