And here is chapter 6, just one more after this before the bitter final. Enjoy
Chapter 6: Limit
"You've rented me a friend?" Takamina said in a sharp tone.
"I know Akimoto-sensei cares about his singer's private life fairly often." Atsuko teasingly imitated.
"To hell with you" Takamina precautionarily said. "I have tons of friends."
"Oh that's right, you are a celebrity after all."
"Exactly right."
Atsuko didn't even bother answering but ruffled Takamina's hair with her hands instead. Ever since she had gotten better, her hair had been more properly taken care of as it had turned back to the old shining chestnut color. Although she had whined about not being able to find a decent hairstylist, Atsuko thought that she was just having star-syndrome. Her hair was already very beautiful. Magnificently beautiful.
"Cut it off." Takamina scolded, swatted Atsuko's hands away, " Who are you to me, my mom?"
"I want your first impression to be good." Atsuko said, her hands sweeping straight the crease on Takamina's sweater.
"If this woman turns out to be a social worker I will return to Japan right away." And as if to boost her word's convincingness she threatened, "I'm true to my words, Acchan!"
…
Florence turned out to be a gray-haired Japanese-born Australian Obaachan with a gentle speaking manner and a neat appearance as displayed by the pink sweater she was wearing. She wore a warm, polite smile on her face - a very Japanese style one - which made Takamina instantly relaxed. Atsuko had poured her some tea before taking Memory out for a stroll afterwards.
When she came back they were sitting on their knees besides the coffee table and chatting in front of a batch of photos. The old woman was showing Takamina the picture of a pale-haired young girl. Atsuko caught in between sentences that the girl was her granddaughter. In those pictures, the girl stood besides a large-built, blonde-haired man. Takamina told her afterwards that the man was the old lady's husband. She had left her family and ran off with him at the age of twenty. He had been everything she had when they first came to Australia and thus, she could understand Takamina better than anyone.
"Other than the fact that she knows nothing about homosexuality and thinks that we both should get ourselves a good man who can take good care of our family." Takamina said while smiling. She had come to like Florence, that's what Atsuko thought.
She placed Takamina's head on her lap and caressed her hairs by running her hands through them. "What's with you and those elderly women?" Atsuko asked. Even in their younger days, Takamina had always appealed to people twenty or thirty years older than her. Once there was even a rumor about her liking old men and that she had been in love with someone much older than her. Even Atsuko herself was never sure whether those rumors had been true or not.
"They know a lot." Takamina dreamily and sleepily said. "I find it a good thing."
oOo
Occasionally they went for a stroll at the nearby park, wandering between immeasurably tall eucalyptuses amidst a ghostly beautiful scenery. There were many people taking their dogs out for a stroll, silhouettes of people running and mountain bikes on the plane trail. Each road had a guide sign displaying names like "The River of Ned" or "Bill Gully's chewing-gum". Atsuko would read out loud every names to Takamina and both of them would break out laughing; their giggles echoed in between the leaves.
One day a quacking sound from behind startled Takamina causing her to run into hiding behind Atsuko's arms; her eyes wide-opened, evidently dreaded with horror.
"What is that?" She asked, her chest heaving up and down.
"Kingfisher" Atsuko said. "A species of bird." She flapped her arms to demonstrate the bird.
"Bird?" Takamina couldn't help asking back.
"Yeah." Atsuko answered, turned her face upwards and shouted at the top of her lungs: "Koo Koo Koo Koo Ka Ka Ka Ka Ka!!"
"Stop that." Takamina shrieked, tightening her grip on Atsuko's arm." What if they followed us?"
"Even though they look large.."Atsuko said while shaping her hands into a small box."...but they only eat rats"
Takamina blushed clutching her hands back, "As if you weren't scared the first time you saw it. "She said and sulkily stomped away.
Atsuko laughed calling after her: "Simon once told me that it was a monster and I had locked myself in the car for several hours straight. It's true!"
Memory made a barking sound calling for its owner a few feet ahead. Atsuko strode to catch up to Takamina and intertwined their fingers. Two pairs of intertwining hands dangled back and forth like a linked bridge.
oOo
Takamina had become more comfortable with her sexual desires in their daily lives, at least more comfortable than before. Sometimes she would initiate body contacts with Atsuko in public places by grazing her fingers on her back then tracing along the waist, or simply drawing circles on her elbows.
There were times Atsuko had absentmindedly brought up this matter. Actually, she wasn't thinking much about it but as she had carelessly slipped out the words, she was wary that this romantic atmosphere would disappear if Takamina pulled her hands back from that warm place at her back pocket she had just found. Eventually, Takamina just shrugged her shoulder and said. "No one will notice."
There were also bad days, or bad weeks, when Takamina was forced to be bed-ridden with a large amount of painkillers. But again, those were the bad days. Other than those days Atsuko could say that she was living the happiest days of her life.
oOo
The long-awaited dreaded news arrived as a surprise to Atsuko but not to Takamina. She seemed to have mentally prepared since long ago. Although she didn't look at Atsuko, her hands were clutching her knees. It felt as if her entire body weight had accumulated at those shaking hands.
The tumor had started to spread again at a fast pace to the point where even the doctors couldn't come up with appropriate counteractive measure in time. It had spread to her bones as well as her blood. The doctor bowed his head in apology. "I'm sorry. If only I could have given you a better news."
"Hasn't chemotherapy treatment been proven to have good effects?" Atsuko spoke, "Maybe it can still help?
"The treatment could only delay the cancer cells' development." He answered." But it won't work in the long run. In my opinion..."
"Perhaps we should consult another doctor's opinion." Atsuko angrily cut him off; however, Takamina was still clutching her knees.
"How much longer do I have?" Her voice halfheartedly sounded.
And yet it made Atsuko's heart beat fast.
"With the current spreading rate.."
Atsuko plunged out of the room before the doctor could finish his sentence.
…
Takamina stood on the sand gazing out to the ocean before her. Her body was fittingly wrapped in a loose sweater and a big knitted cap. Atsuko thought that she liked this image of her, a romantic sight of a self-preserving ascetic nun drowned in sorrow with stoned jaw and crystal eyes. Atsuko thought it wasn't necessary to bring her inside, unless she sky showed any hint of rain.
-----
A few weeks later, Yuko called Atsuko saying that other members would drop by to visit them. Takamina was sleeping on the long couch, not minding about Memory lying on her legs like a gigantic rough blanket.
"You're not bringing over a cameraman team, are you?" Atsuko suspiciously asked.
"No." Yuko cowed. "You idiot!!!"
"But isn't this management's idea?" Atsuko asked, unable to refrain from chiming in a hint of tease.
"Of course." Yuko answered immediately. "How's she doing?" She asked after a moment of hesitation. Her voice sounded shaken.
Atsuko looked over at the fragile body whose skin color had slightly turned yellow on the couch.
"She's still fine."
It was a lie.
oOo
They arrived at a time when Takamina was trying to fight her pains and mostly stayed inside. She now was standing in front of the mirror, cheeks puffed up and eyes glowered as she was putting on makeup powder to cover up the eye-bags. She had been doing it for hours.
"Stop it." Atsuko said pressing down Takamina's cheeks with her own hands. "You already look beautiful."
"What beautiful?." Takamina sulkily said." I don't even look like how I was before. Now I look exactly like a cancer patient."
"Do not exaggerate it." Atsuko frowned. However, earlier that day, she had dug through all the scrap-heaps boxes in the art classroom and came back home with arms full of foil gift-wrap papers, decorative fur feather strings and meters long of flower wrapping fabrics whose patterns were a mix of sky blue/green roses.
"What's up with these things?" Takamina couldn't help being curious as she was throwing everything on the coffee table. Atsuko picked out a long, green fur feather string and waved it at her.
"You said you want to feel of being yourself?" Atsuko wrapped the beaded string around Takamina's neck then pulled her closer for a kiss. "They're from the costume room!!! Who says that Takahashi Minami can only become beautiful by wearing expensive brands?"
"You idiot." Despite saying that Takamina started digging into the scrap-heaps almost immediately. She found blue cotton fabrics decorated by bright pink stars in a square case. She then conveniently tied them into a ribbon around Atsuko's neck.
They spent about an hour long decorating each other by putting on sparkling tinsel papers on their bodies and edging yellowish jabots on their clothes. Atsuko made Takamina a clown's collar by folded tin papers. Takamina hung around Atsuko's waist a band of blue, frilly roses resembling that of a dress which looked absolutely dreadful.
When the taxi pulled over dropping off the girls in front of Atsuko's house, Mariko casually opened the entrance door and stepped in, not minding about showing any politeness.
"What the hell are you two doing?" She asked, eyes narrowed behind the square-framed glasses.
…
Seeing everyone being stirringly emotional at the same time gave off a weird vibe. They surrounded Takamina, eyes narrowed in an inspecting manner and started tugging her costumes and hairs with their hands. After a few minutes of shouting and screaming not unlike the crazy wotas meeting their idol, they all eventually sat down on the long couch and started chit-chatting about various what-in-the-world rumors from Akihabara, things like: who got caught going out with JE guys, who used amphetamines, who gave birth to an illegitimate child, who was seen stepping half-way out from a cosmetic surgery clinic.
Atsuko could only sit there jealously watching, just like back in the days when she was busy doing other things while her parents took her cousins out to Disneyland. They would always bring home several small souvenirs for her but that didn't make her any less mad as she thought about how they had fun without her.
Within the past several years, Atsuko had always avoided thinking too much about how AKB48 still existing and flourishing without her. They still continued talking about memories that didn't have her in it which made her become unreasonably angry until Yuko put an arm around her shoulder and told her through the eyes that it was truly comfortable being back to a "TRUE" AKB48. All of them had finally returned to their real family.
oOo
When Atsuko woke up the next morning, she found the bed empty and the kitchen's lack of noisiness. With her eyes half-opened Atsuko almost tripped over the doorstep as she saw Yuko's and Takamina's heads huddled together, their excitement aroused by Yuko's much doted son's photographs.
Kenji had turned three this year. His mother was originally a model who had spent a one-night-stand with Yuko's brother. Eleven months later, she came knocking on Yuko's apartment door with a two-and-a-half year-old baby carried on her arms and vanished after that. No one had seen her ever since. Atsuko didn't believe Oshima Keita was the kid's biological father, but Takamina had told her that if she said that to Yuko, she would most likely get a good beat-up. Atsuko had no choice but to keep that thought to herself. She didn't understand what made Yuko's brother refuse to take up the responsibility he had created and pushed it to Yuko instead. It wasn't that important anyway. Yuko was truly a good mother.
As for Takamina, it was getting harder to know what she thinks underneath that beautiful face. She even rarely allowed Atsuko to give her a morning kiss.
Sometimes Yuko unintentionally glanced over at them and felt funny, as if she had never caught sight of them being playful under the shower in their younger days, the days when their love was still new, fresh and a surprise to Atsuko.
"Kawaii!!!" Atsuko exclaimed and grabbed a small photo of Kenji in an angel outfit with a small sparkling crown on his head from Takamina's hand. "How in the world were you able to give birth to such a cute angel?"
Atsuko herself even felt that her question was apparently ridiculous.
"You should have brought the kid with you." Takamina grunted. How could she not notice the anger in those black eyes and the veins popping out clearly on that wrist. Her tone was as cold and curt as it could get. Atsuko guessed that she probably had cried this morning and if that was the case, then Yuko was the most suspicious one.
"I've already told you." Yuko said looking miserable as if she had just been accused of a formidable crime. "I'mt not sure if the child will understand."
"He looks to have grown up." Takamina vaguely said, her eyes locked onto the small angel's face scattered all over the table.
"Well..yeah.." Yuko nodded agonizingly.
"I'm going to take a bath." She stood up after gathering all the pictures into a small pile and pushed them into Yuko's hand. The oatmeal and fruit breakfast had only been consumed halfway.
Just right after her figure had disappeared from sight, Atsuko kicked Yuko's feet under the table. "Did you make her cry?"
For a second, as if she had been waiting for it, Yuko looked to have turned several years into an old woman crouching in the kitchen with her shoulders hung down and her hairs disheveled.
"I don't know what to do either." She said. "She said she wants to say goodbye to the kid."
"Shut up." Atsuko said. Recently she would always display such a reaction whenever someone mentioned the word 'Goodbye'.
"Acchan..."
"Shut up." Atsuko almost yelled. Was she too old to cover her ears with her hands and screamed 'AAAAAAAA'?
"Have you mentally prepared for this?" Yuko grasped Atsuko's wrist. It felt as if the heart was cracking open and spilling out the blood everywhere. "She needs you to be there prepared. "
"Then you tell me, how should I get prepared for this matter?" Atsuko angrily said. It wasn't a rhetorical question, she really needed an answer.
oOo
The night before, after a big ruckus everyone ended up sleeping in the same room. Takamina rolled herself on the long couch while everyone else fell into chaos with messy, disorganized mattresses and blankets. In the past, they would sometimes get into this type of situation while on tours as the audiences were too passionate. Atsuko used to be the one falling asleep first and the last one to be woken up but everyone adjusted to that because they thought she has already had too much pressure being in the center position.
Miichan had been having troubles with her boyfriend and Mariko took the chance to enthusiastically tease her despite the subject had become embarrassed to the point of blushing. Mariko had always specially given this favorable eye of her to people's secrets had she stumbled upon them by chance. She would wait for the chance to speak in a slow, teasing tone, flail her arms animatedly completely different from her usually calm manner.
Takamina thought that no one would have the heart to say "no" to her during these times so she interrogated Miichan with countless questions rendering her defenseless; she finally surrendered by shyly admitting that she had become discomposed since started dating an opposite sex. Takamina shot her down with a sentence: "You're afraid he will find out that you wear a wig, aren't you?"
Laughter could be heard from everyone but Miichan who still determinedly crossed her arms and frowned. "It's not funny."
Atsuko landed a final blow by grabbing her fringes and pulled her up high. The gang jumped up and down all at once whereas she turned around to fully meet Takamina's awkward smile.
"Even though you're a bit short you're still pretty." Atsuko gently said.
Miichan swatted Atsuko's hands away, though it wasn't hard to notice her trying to suppress an incoming smile through her pursed lips. Atsuko grinned, threw an arm around her shoulder and pulled Miichan toward herself as she proudly said: "Is it not fun having us as your friends?"
"No. Fun your ass." Miichan resentfully said.
"I find it funny." Haruna spoke up as this air-headed girl was basically always slow to fully comprehend people's intention. "I'm very happy that all of us are friends."
That was also the last night that they had spent together.
…
After everyone had left, Takamina chokingly cried for several hours straight.
In TV dramas, the guys would always praise their girlfriend's crying face as being pretty. Atsuko, on the other hand, thought Takamina's crying face was the ugliest thing she had ever seen. Every time it happened she wished she would never have to see it. Ever again.
...
Takamina had died on televisions five times but Atsuko never watched them; in truth, she witnessed a few scenes from Majisuka Gakuen as she had also taken part in it. The first time seeing it she instantly felt uncomfortable and left the room. She even suggested them shooting her crying scenes separately from Takamina's deathbed scene and joined those two footage together afterwards. Now she started gathering all those dramas, unwrapping every single DVD's that had not been opened ever since Takamina sent it to her, probably a few years back or more. She could as well use this as a method to practice. It would certainly be easier.
The drama started with her being kidnapped by a Korean terrorists and all twelve episodes were depicted like an epic story about leukemia. Just like that, Atsuko shrunk herself on the couch, legs curled up against her chest and fingers tightly wrapped around her toes. She continued waiting, waiting to see if she would be able to accept that death easier. But not at all. She felt heavier more than ever as every second passed by.
Two o'clock in the morning, Takamina happened to walk into the living room. She pulled a long yawn and sleepily scratched her nose. She glanced at the
TV, slightly frowned as she saw her paled, tired face.
"What are you doing?" She approached Atsuko by the couch, rested her head on her shoulder and sneaked her feet underneath Atsuko's woolen socks.
On the screen, the disguised mother was sniffing besides her bed.
"Yuko said you need me mentally prepared. "Atsuko said as she had difficulty realizing that her mouth muscles had almost become frozen, unable to move.
Takamina stayed motionless; a while after she slid her hand on the back of Atsuko's hands, looped over her ankle and sneaked inside the red sock. "Will that do any good?"
"Not much, but I don't know what to do either."
Takamina buried her face into Atsuko's neck, her voice hardened." You don't have to do anything." Her breath made Atsuko think of the sultry atmosphere before a rain. "Just don't leave me."
Topic: [G - Trans] Filling Up Memories (AtsuMina) - COMPLETED (Read 16868 times)