Title: My Everything
Notes: I have the love scene into detail but I want to make sure it's all set and ready to show everyone. Once it is just ask for it and I will email it to you. =)
“Ai, we have to talk about this!”
I rest my head against the bathroom door and sigh. I’ve screwed up big time. I never meant for this to happen. It’s all a big mistake. What will happen between us? What if everyone finds out and Tsunku-san hears about it? It would be the end of my career. I don’t want to leave Morning Musume! I like it. Then there will be a huge uproar and I’ll be all over the papers. It’ll be a disgrace. Things aren’t looking good. Everything is going terribly wrong. I close my eyes tight and focus on my breathing to try and get rid of these frightening thoughts. Everything is going to change now. Risa bangs on the door again, rapidly. I open my eyes and step back. I really don’t want to talk right now. I want to run and hide never to be heard of again.
“Go away! It’s bad enough as it is, Risa.”
“Ai, if we don’t talk it’ll get worse.” The knocking stops.
“There’s nothing to talk about! We were drunk it’s nothing but a mistake.”
There’s a sudden long pause. I’m such an idiot! Can’t I learn to think? I unlock the door and step out. Risa stands in the middle of the room silent. I have to say something, but what? There’s no way I can make things right now.
“Risa, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to,”
“Don’t say anything, Ai.” She snaps
Her eyes shine with disappointment and sorrow. I lick my lips, nervously and look to my feet. What else should I say? This silence is unbearable.
“Risa, if we continue this something bad is bound to happen. My career is really important to me you know?” I take a deep breath and sigh. “And I…I hope we can remain friends.”
I know this is the last thing she wants to hear and I have no idea why I said it. Its just instincts I suppose. She doesn’t say a word. Instead, she cries. Her face is stained with tears. Her shoulders sink and her body shakes. I can’t help, but feel guilty seeing her like this. I can’t lose her as a friend! We’ve been through so much together. I can’t let our friendship end. It’s just as important to me as my career. I walk over to try and give her some comfort. I don’t touch her though. I’m afraid she might snap if I do.
“Gaki-san, please try to,”
“Get out.” She says, in the faintest voice. My eyes open wide in shock. I’ve never seen her this cruel.
“I’m sorry I,”
“I said get out!”
She starts hitting my chest and pushing me. I have no choice but to leave. I make a dash for the door and go into the hotel lobby. It’s a good thing I got dressed in the bathroom first or else I would be in the hallway naked for everyone to see. Who does she think she is any way? She can’t kick me out of my own room! But it’s just happened and here I am. I shouldn’t be mad at her though. She’s hurt and it’s all because of me. And I’m not sure on how to deal with both this and our disappearing friendship- a friendship that’s lasted for eight years. There’s so much at stake right now and I just might lose everything. Why did I have to be so drunk last night? I can’t remember a thing. I remember buying a few drinks with Risa and we went to my room after, but that’s all I can remember. My mind goes blank after. Then the next day; BAM I wake up naked with Risa in my bed also naked. I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around that still- some morning to wake up to. It just might get worse further into the day. I walk down the hall in pain. My body is so sore. It’s covered in scratch marks and hickeys. Marks Risa left behind. My body shivers at the thought of her hands touching me and caressing me. I managed to cover the hickeys on my neck with make-up thankfully. I could use some rest though. I’m all worn out, but where do I go? I got thrown out of my own room. I continue to wander down the hall with no idea on where to go. And on top of that, I keep picturing Risa kissing me in places where the hickeys are left behind. Ah stop that!
“Hi Ai-chan-whoa! What the hell happened to you?” Reina asked
I jump then blush and look down embarrassed. Don’t ask me questions!
“It’s kind of hard to explain.”
“Are you ok?”
“I’m fine, just really tired.”
Please don’t ask any more questions. I’m in no mood to talk or answer them. I have too much crap going on right now. Between Risa and my own ever-growing questions about what’s going on is making my head about to explode.
“I can tell. Your bags have bags and your hair looks like it got in a fight with the hairdryer and it won.” She frowns “Maybe you should do back to bed.”
“I can’t. I kind of got kicked out.”
Don’t ask about that either! Her face scrunches up in confusion then she sighs and shakes her head.
“Whatever, I won’t ask. Look, if you need a place to sleep you can use my room. We got a whole week off so I’ll mostly be at Eri’s place with her and Sayu.” She hands me the keys
“Thanks.” I take them and head to her room
When I get inside I slap my forehead. We have a whole week off?! That means there’s no way I can avoid Risa. The girls will want to go out with us. If I say no they’ll ask questions. Ah! I’ll worry about that tomorrow. I really need to sleep. I flop down on to Reina’s bed and sigh. I almost instantly go to sleep. I’ll worry about everything tomorrow.
***
Who ever knew a whole week could move so slowly! It’s torture! I was able to stay away from Risa for two days, but the third day everyone is catching on. Since we’re best friends we’re around each other a lot so they’re use to us together talking and laughing. And things got even fishier to the girls when Risa denied Eri’s offer to come have dinner at her house later on tonight with Reina and her. Risa stays in her room almost all day and when she leaves, she has on this expression as if she’s broken. My stomach turns and twists every time I see it because I know it’s there from me. I don’t do anything though. I just hide and ignore the fact that she’s hurt. I roll on to my side and glance at my alarm clock. It’s only seven and I’m already in bed. I can’t sleep. Her scent is everywhere. My whole bed smells like her. It’s a sweet and soft fragrance, but it brings such torment to me. It haunts me and taunts me. I close my eyes tight to try and sleep again. My head floods with a vision the second my eyes close.
“Ai.”
I run my hand up Risa’s stomach daintily, while my other hand travels down her stomach slowly with only one destination in mind. She pants calling out my name in pleasure, begging for more. For me to touch her in places I shouldn’t. And I obey. I explore her body and trail my tongue down pass her belly button to meet up where my hand is.
I open my eyes and look around me. I run a shaky hand through my hair and exhale. I lift up my shirt and trace a finger over the red marks on my skin. I can’t ignore her. She’s everywhere. She’s captured me and won’t let me go. She won’t let me forget. I can’t sleep. I have this strange feeling inside of me. This is sort of…a good feeling? It’s like I’m flying or overwhelmed with joy. I shouldn’t have such feeling in a situation like this. I don’t understand what’s going on with me. The pit of my stomach burns because of it, but not in a painful way. It’s pleasant and warm. I put a hand over my stomach to try and control it. I sigh and close my eyes. With my eyes closed I can feel the sensation more clearly. I close my eyes tighter as if that will make it go away. It just makes the feeling stronger. Dark images start to form. It’s faint and it’s blurry at first, but it gradually changes. It becomes more detailed and distinct. I see a form of a person. Then I can see a face, her smiling face. I can see her innocent eyes shining directly at me. My heart starts to race and I can feel myself sweat. I have this strong urge to…kiss her. I want to make her mine. I open my eyes, panicked and look around me. It’s all in my head. Risa isn’t here. It’s just a stupid dream. But I’m awake. Was I daydreaming about her? I don’t know if I should be happy about that or angry. I run a tired hand down my face. I shouldn’t be thinking about her. She’s my best friend. I turn to the ceiling to face another sleepless night. I don’t know when I’ll be able to rest.
***
Another two days of ducking and dodging. And I still can’t sleep. Everyone is worrying. They won’t stop nagging me with questions. Risa and I still haven’t talked and I’ve lost my urge to get completely drunk again. It looks like another night of mopping, but first I need a shower. I smell really bad like beer and smoke from the bar. I walk into the hotel and down the hall. I head to my room, but not without bumping into Risa. Oh just my night. We stare at each other for a while. The tension is thick and nerve wrecking. I know we should talk, but I really don’t want to. I want to avoid it for the rest of my life, but Risa will never let that happen.
“Ai, we have to,”
“Talk?” I finish for her
She’s silent again and I’m not sure how long this will be. I turn to my door and unlock it. I’ll do what I have been doing for days…ignore it. I can’t face it yet. I never can. I don’t want to remember the night we spent together drunk.
“I have nothing to say.” I say this so coldly it even surprises me. There’s no backing down now though. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
But I do! Ai-chan, I can’t pretend! I can’t forget what we did.”
I spin around and glare at her. I told her I don’t want to talk. That doesn’t mean she can scream what she wants to say about our night into the hall for others to hear. What’s wrong with her? She steps up to me and grabs my arm. I shrug it off and push her. She nearly falls. Can’t she understand?!
“I said I don’t want to.”
Her eyes flood with water and I go back to my door to open it. Everything inside of me feels like it’s torn up and burning. It’s like someone stabbed me.
“Go away Risa.”
I step inside and close the door, but something stops me. I go to see what it is. Risa has her foot in the doorway. Her face is still wet with tears. I feel myself become really angry and I open the door then grab her by the collar of her shirt. I yank her inside and close the door. I bang her into a wall while keeping my hold strong.
“What’s wrong with you?! Can’t you learn to leave me alone?! Whatever happened that night is pointless. It meant NOTHING. Do you hear me?! Nothing!” I shake her a few times to get a reply. She cries harder.
“You’re wrong!”
That isn’t the answer I want. She isn’t helping.
“It meant EVERYTHING to me.”
My grip loosens. I feel all these unsettling feelings awaken inside of me. She puts both hands over the hands clutching her shirt. My fingers start to shake at the touch of her soft skin against me. I let out a small breath. I feel my face soften to a scared expression.
“I’m in love with you.”
I let her go like I was just shocked by ten thousands bolts of lightening. I jog to my room. I can hear her running after me. Why won’t she leave me alone? This will do nothing. She has to drop it. Forget like I did. But did I really forget? Or I believe that I did. Am I tricking myself? I’m not in denial! I’m not. I’m very sure of myself in this situation!
“You don’t know what you’re saying.” I face the window to try and ignore her. “Two girls can never love each other.”
“I’m not a child anymore Ai! I know what I feel and I love,”
I turn around. “Don’t say it! Don’t EVER say that.” I sigh to try and calm down a little. “Do you have any idea how wrong this is?”
I go over and grab her shoulders. She flinches. “You’re my best friend. If this goes more than…whatever we have it’ll be the end of our career!”
She’s crying endlessly. I feel a single tear trickle down my face. I don’t know why I’m crying, but I am and I can’t stop it. I feel her body quiver, but the look in her eyes is unreadable. I stare at her to try and figure out what she has planned. And it happens all too fast. Her lips go against mine and we kiss, heatedly. My mouth opens and she takes full advantage to slip her tongue inside. It doesn’t surprise me. I thrust my tongue into her mouth and shift my hands to her waist. She taste like honey. This feels all too familiar. She moans and parts for air. I exhale slowly. I kiss her one last time and walk her to the bed. We fall back gently and I move so that I’m laying on my side next to her. I gaze into her eyes and wipe away her tear. I stopped thinking the second she kissed me. I let my emotions take over. I pour everything I feel into our kisses and simple touches. Maybe I am tricking myself after all.
***
I fall back into my bed covered in my own sweat. Risa kisses my temple. I’m too weak to move. My body is limp. She joins me on the bed. She pulls the sheets up to us and cuddles against me. She gives a quick peck on my cheek.
“I love you Ai-chan.”
I look at her and smile. She can say that whenever wants. It just feels right to hear her say this. It makes me quake with joy. My tired arms wrap around her waist, firmly. She buries her face into my neck.
“I love you too.” I feel her smile into me. We lay in silence as I wait to get some of my energy back. I can barely talk. I take a deep breath before talking again.
“So…does this mean we’re dating now?”
She laughs and nods. I can accept that. Forget about how it’s forbidden. I’ll have to take the risk of getting caught. I can deal with the consequences later, because she’s worth it. She’s worth everything.
Topic: Writerjunkie's one-shot(UPDATE 1/2) Delusion (Read 32175 times)