Welps, I finally finished my old one-shot from a few years ago. All I had to change/add was a sentence or two
Note* "Stupider than Sex" was a short fic series written a long long time ago by a forum member named Patachu. From what I remember it was just about dumb things Kameshige were doing other than sex. It's basically Kameshige cuteness, dorkiness, and fluff, it was funny and didn't make any sense. So this was my take on the series although mine isn't so nonsensical as Pata's. Don't ask me for Parts I and II, they used to be in JPM's 4th Station thread but it's no longer there. The stories were not related anyway.
But I don't know why it took me so long to write this I guess I found it too long to be a one-shot or something. But, hope you like it, it's bringing back an old character we love and miss.
Stupider than Sex III*: Bye-nara, Latin LoverIt's getting hot in here. Eri thought as she sat still in the dark. Fifteen minutes had already passed since she got herself stuck inside the small, tight wardrobe closet she always hid herself in of her dressing room. This has never happened before. The door doesn't even have a lock and yet she couldn't get out. Today was just one of those days, she guessed. She later found out that something had jammed the door shut. It was something long, thin, and flat and she soon realized it must've been the white tie (with the red rose) of her original Eric Kamezou costume. It got caught on the sliding mechanisms of the door and now it won't slide open. She had a feeling her messy habits would come back to haunt her. She was surprisingly calm though (that is, after panicking the first few minutes). She didn't want to waste her energy for she knew she wouldn't be found for a good while because it was around lunchtime and everyone must be out. Now she was hungry too and her stomach even said so. As she sighed and waited she heard someone hyperventilating near her in the darkness and then she remembered why she was stuck inside the closet in the first place.
"Are you finished?" Eri scoffed at the huffing person.
"We're going to die, Eric." cried the Ichiban Kawaii.
"Stop calling me that!" Eri snapped. "And we're not going to die!"
This whole thing started over an argument about the Maido Arii segment. It was the taping of the final segment and as soon as the director yelled "Cut!" Eri quickly stormed off the stage without turning back. She was so happy that the segment had finally come to an end. She hated it though no one knew she felt that way. All those months having to dress up like a guy was humiliating to her. Maybe Yossi and Makoto didn't mind playing guys, but not Eri and she refused to be part of the "guys" just because her hair was short. And the dance, especially the dance, was a total waste of her energy. Eri was never good at improvising, yet everyone got a kick out of her spot on antics.
But now it's finally over. She wasted no time shedding off her Eric costume as she entered her dressing room. Taking it off was even harder than putting it on, she thought. She looked at herself in the mirror and smiled, knowing that she could finally grow out her hair again. As she bid farewell to all that was Eric Kamezou,
she had entered the room.
She suggested that Eri should keep the segment going, at least till the end of the year.
"Why?" Eri had asked. "I hated it, you know?"
"Really? But it's fun!" Sayumi answered but that wasn't the real reason.
She wouldn't dare admit that she was in love...with Eric. How else did she managed to get the role of playing Eric's assistant and eventually becoming a regular on the segment? Seeing Eri as Eric made her heart flutter, even if it was just Eri in guys' clothing. She hoped Eri bought her little excuse but Eri could always tell when she lied.
Then the arguing started. Eri continually protested to the point where she stepped into her "quiet place" aka her wardrobe closet and asked Sayumi to leave her alone. Of course, like a leech, Sayumi hopped inside with Eri not leaving till they have come to an agreement.
"It's so cramped in here." Sayumi said, scooting around inside.
"That's because I'm not usually crammed in here with someone, like you." Eri replied smartly.
Sayumi scoffed at her. "Well, I'm not getting out till you agree to continue the segment."
"Get out!" Eri squeaked angrily.
"No!" Sayumi whined.
"Fine, then close the door." Eri said before burying her head in her knees.
Sayumi hesitated for a moment but out of anger she then took hold of the closet door and slid it rather hard. Now it was pitch black and the darkness felt endless. Seconds went by but to Sayumi it felt like eternity. She started to worry even though Eri was next to her.
"Eririn?" She whispered but received no reply. "Eririn?" She repeated but nothing. "Eriri-"
"What?!" Eri finally answered, deeply annoyed.
"Why didn't you say something?" Sayumi whined.
"Sayu, don't bother me." Eri said quietly now. "Could you please leave? I'd like to be alone. Please."
Sayumi pouted, biting her lip to stop herself from tearing up.
"Fine." She whimpered.
She gave up and shuffled around blindly in the dark trying to find the edge of the door. She bumped into Eri during the process but the girl didn't move. When Sayumi found the knob she gave it a tug but it failed to open.
"Ok, where's the lock on the door?" She asked feeling along the frame.
"There's no lock on this closet." Eri piped up. How dumb can Sayumi be? She thought as she tried to open it herself. It didn't budge. "What the?" She mumbled as she tugged on it repeatedly. "What did you do to it?"
"I didn't do anything!" Sayumi defended as they both tried to pull the door open together now. Pretty soon they began to panic, banging on the door and yelling for help. No one heard their cries. They quickly gave up and here they were 15 minutes later.
---
"What is that smell?" Eri sniffed around.
"It's not me!" Sayumi denied.
Eri felt around the darkness and located the source of the smell. It was coming from the clothes that were piled up haphazardly underneath her instead of being hung up on the rack where they're suppose to. But it wasn't coming from the clothes. It was coming from a paper bag and she was sitting on it. Inside was something she had forgotten.
"Ah, it's that nattou sandwich I've been looking for a few days ago." Eri realized.
"Eww, you're not going to eat that, are you?" Sayumi cried. She could hear Eri shuffling inside the paper bag. "Don't you dare, Eririn! I'll scream!"
Eri rolled her eyes at her but of course Sayumi wouldn't be able to see it anyway. "Relax," She said. "It's probably not good anymore anyway. But then again I'd rather eat it than to be stuck in here with you." She lied as she stifled her gagging.
Sayumi coughed, the smell was beginning to be unbearable. "This is your fault, you and your weird habits."
My fault??? Nobody told you to get inside! Eri yelled in her head. Sayumi sure picked the wrong time to be annoying, she thought. She curled herself into a tighter ball and kept to herself. They'll just have to wait till someone finds them. She could just imagine what everyone else was saying about them right now:
"Where's Eri and Sayu?" Someone would ask.
"They're probably doing something stupider than sex." Miki would answer for she would be the one most likely to reply.
"Gross!" Everyone would react.
Ugh, this is so humiliating! Eri thought. If they're ever found how would she explain this to them? How can she explain how two seemingly close friends ended up locked together inside a closet with one of them semi dressed as a guy? How can she explain that as normally as possible? She can't. Then again what has she done that was considered normal to them?
Sayumi wasn't acting like her usual self either. Eri figured she must want something, especially complaining over something so trivial like Maido Arii. Why was it so important to her? Thinking back a few minutes earlier she remember how Sayumi looked really cute with her hair down though it wasn't like that during the taping. She also noticed how she would look at her funny, sort of doey-eyed and wanting. However, Eri realized that she would only look like that whenever she was dressed as Eric. Suddenly Eri felt something inside her. Jealousy maybe? Of what? Jealous because her non-existent character is getting her best friend's attention more than her as herself?
"No, that's stupid." Eri thought out loud.
"What's stupid?" Sayumi heard her.
"Oh, nothing." She was somewhat disappointed that she couldn't see Sayumi in front of her. She wanted her to look at her like that again.
"Eririn?" Sayu's voice emerged from the dark.
"Hmm?"
"Why are you mad? You never get angry."
The way she said that broke Eri's heart. She didn't mean to snap at her earlier. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm just not in a good mood today."
"Is it because it's over?"
"No, I said I was glad it's over."
"But why? I don't understand how you're not sad that a great segment is ending."
Eri couldn't think of an answer. Well, she knew the answer but couldn't say it.
Because Eri likes you, Sayu. Not Eric. She said in her mind. She didn't know she couldn't just say it to her. They were close friends, a little too close sometimes yet they seemed clueless of their attraction towards each other. Besides, Sayumi seems to like Eric more. His persona was quite different from her own yet it was her who brought him to life. Whenever she was dressed as Eric she found herself being able to do anything as if she could take on the world with no fear. There was a huge confidence gained whenever she was Eric. But she was conflicted now, wondering which is the real her.
"Eririn." Sayumi broke the silence again.
"What?" Eri answered tiredly.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"This is all my fault."
"It's ok. I didn't mean to get mad."
"No, it's just...I don't know. It's so stupid."
"You like Eric, don't you?" Eri let it out.
"Eh?" Sayumi was shocked, but more embarrassed.
"You don't have to hide it. I kinda figured it out already."
"Oh." She patted her cheeks. They felt warm. Good thing Eri couldn't see her blushing. "Stupid huh?"
"Yeah." Eri agreed.
Sayumi felt a pang in her heart from Eri's answer. Good thing she couldn't see that either.
"But I'm even more stupid for not admitting it first." Eri finished.
"What?"
"Didn't it ever occur to you that I was just being myself the whole time? That it's not Eric you like, it's me."
Sayumi thought for a moment, a bit too long actually. "You mean? You like me too?"
Eri thought she'd never answer. "Of course. I was just too shy to tell you." She sighed. "I guess being Eric sort of helped me get closer to you."
"Awww, Eririn..."
Eri could then hear Sayumi shuffling toward her. Eri followed, shuffling toward Sayumi. They ended up smacking foreheads together and in the process knocking down the clothes that were hanging on the bar above them.
"Argh!" They both grunted and fell opposite ways hitting the backs of their heads this time against the walls of the closet. And then there was silence. Minutes went by but it felt like they were unconscious for hours. Sayumi was the first to shake off the bump.
"Eri? Eririn? Eric? Are we dead?" She called, shaking what feels to be Eri's leg.
Suddenly that leg moved and the rest of the body it was attached to slowly roused awake. "Argh, Sayu! You have a hard head!" Eri mumbled.
"Nah uh, I have a cute head." She pouted.
"Baka!" Eri snapped.
And then there was silence again.
"Something touched me." Said the silence breaker, Sayu.
"Ew, what? A bug?" Eri freaked.
"Bugs? Where???" Sayu freaked more.
They screamed like banshees, toppling over each other in the closet, a few more outfits hanging above them fell on top of them again.
"Ugh, we're hopeless." Eri groaned. She then heard soft breathing on her left side. She reached out her hand and found Sayu's soft round cheek. Sayu shuddered from the sudden touch. It was starting to feel a little hotter inside the closet. "What touched you?" Eri now whispered.
Other than Eri's hand, Sayu thought. "What you said earlier." She replied. "About being yourself the whole time. It's not Eric, but you." She then placed her hand over Eri's hand which was still on her cheek. "I should've realized."
"It's ok." Eri replied. "Now you know."
Sayu could then feel Eri creeping closer to her, her breath getting warmer against Sayu's face. Sayu closed her eyes in the already pitched black closet, anticipating for the expected action. Suddenly a sliver of light pierced the darkness followed by a rush of cool air.
"There you are!" Said the light.
Sayu opened her eyes and looked up. "Eririn?"
"What are you doing in my closet? We're all looking for you. We're gonna shoot the final segment soon." Eri extended her hand toward Sayumi. Sayumi took it and felt Eri pulling her up to her feet. She wobbled a bit, trying to stretch out her legs from being cramped in there. "What were you doing in there?" Eri repeated.
"I guess I fell asleep." Sayu yawned.
Eri raised an eyebrow, then furrowed it as she sniffed. "And what's that smell?"
"I didn't do anything!" Sayumi denied, then looked behind her. There was a paper bag crammed in one corner.
Eri picked it up and looked inside. "Ah ha! I was wondering where this was." But she grimaced and threw it into the nearest trash bin. There really was a sandwich there.
"I, I was just wondering how it was like. I see you do it all the time." Sayumi lied.
Eri giggled. "Yeah? Well, next time do it in your own closet, ok? Now go and get ready for the segment." She patted her back.
"Eric?"
"Hmm?"
"I mean, Eririn. You're not sad that it's going to be over?"
"Well, a little. It was fun while it lasted. Didn't you have fun?"
"Yes. Um, you're not mad at me for calling you Eric, are you?"
"Uh, no, it's ok. I guess it's because I'm in costume huh?" Eri tugs at the collar of her costume.
"Uh, yeah. That's it." Sayu wanted to kick herself for sounding stupid.
"Why? Do you think I make a handsome guy?" Eri asked slyly.
Sayumi blushed.
"Hey Kamei!" Someone shouted. "Did you find Michishige?"
"Yeah, she came out of the closet!" Eri yelled out.
"Eririn!" Sayumi slapped her shoulder at her friend's absentmindedness.
"What?" Eri had no idea.
"Well, I guess I should get ready then. I'll see you on the set."
"Ok." Eri replied.
Sayumi straightened out Eri's costume, a black robe usually worn at a tea ceremony. "Oh, yeah. You should really clean up your closet. Bad things might happen." She said the last sentence in an eerie voice, then left the dressing room.
Eri looked at her strangely but shrugged it off. She went over to her closet and sat in it. It still felt warm from where Sayumi sat. She noticed something in the corner of her eye and picked it up. It was the white tie (with the red rose) from her first Eri Kamezou suit. She stretched it out to reveal the whole thing. She noticed a stain on it, one coming from lips covered with strawberry lip gloss. She rubbed her thumb over it and then put it up to her own lips.
"Eric, what have we done?" She said to herself. "Thanks for your help but I can take it from here. Sayumi is mine now." She took the tie and stuffed it inside her robe, placing it over her heart.
She looked at the mirror once more and almost felt sad.
"Goodbye, Eric. Maido Arii!" She said as she stepped out into the stage one last time.
Topic: °e's One-shots - [9/17] STSIII - Bye-nara, Latin Lover (Read 7498 times)