I reckon it happened back in aught-six. I 'as a-havin' myself a quiet nap on the porch swing out 'hind pappy's farm that day, havin' mighty fine dreams 'bout pretty girls 'n such when such a commotion as I ne'er seen come 'n woke me. Sounded right like the crash 'a thunder, it did, 'n I dun mean the kind 'a thunder pappy brews out round the tool-shed.
Well, I done grabbed pappy's shotgun 'n a-went to see what the ruckus 'as all about. As I walks out round the side I seen as strange a thing as I ever done seen 'fore. Pappy's grain silo was flat on the ground, 'n standin' next to it as I live 'n breathe was a girl. Not an ordinary girl, mind you, she was a plum giant. Hunnerd feet tall if'n she was an inch, or my name ain't Chester Wilbur Cartwright the third.
So's bein' a man 'a action, I aim pappy's boomstick right at 'er masher, 'n she starts a-yippin' 'n a-yappin' like a beagle in a yip-yap factory.
"Who goes thar?" says I.
"It's me," she says. "Sayumi. Don't you recognize me?"
"I reckon I'd a'member if'n I seen the likes 'a you before, missy," says I. "You bein' such a big girl 'n all."
"Are you saying I'm fat?" she says.
"I'm a-sayin' yer big," says I. "Bigger 'n Paul Bunyon on stilts, I wager."
"Why are you talking like that?" she says. I s'pose she's not from 'round these parts if'n she don't know the natural drawl of the local folk.
"Now don't you go pokin' fun at me, missy. I gots an itchy finger here. How's 'bout you tell me what done happened to that thar silo."
"Silo?" she says, 'n starts a-looking left 'n right like a drunk squirrel.
"That silo right thar," I says. "If'n ya don't see it ya must be blinder than uncle Banjo."
"I don't know what you're talking about!" she says.
"Now this ain't no game, girly," says I. "Right this morn'n there 'as a grain silo standin' right thar 'n now it's flatter than Kansas."
"Ummm, I better do something..." she says.
"Dern right ya better," I says. "Pappy's gonna be none too happy 'bout this, I tell ya."
"Wait right here!" she says, 'n a-runs off toward Possum Lake. With'n them big legs 'a hers I reckon she made it in three strides, or my name ain't Chester Wilbur Pickett the fifth.
Well, I 'as a-wonderin' what she's up to over at Possum Lake, so's I start a-followin' when all 'a sudden she comes a-running back 'n Lord strike me if'n she wasn't a-carryin' the whole lake on 'er back! Right strange sight, that 'as.
"I hope this works," she says 'n up and throws the whole en-tire lake at me! I 'as wetter than a badger, I was, or my name ain't Chester Wilbur Cobblepot the eighth.
"Aw, look what ya done now, ya cursin' magpie," I says. "Pappy's gonna be none too happy 'bout this turn 'a events, no sir."
Just as I 'as fixing to make some discipline, thar comes another a blast 'a thunder, and what do ya know if'n another 'un didn't pop out! Two giant girlies at pappy's farm! "Well, I'll be, the boys at the waterin' hole 'r ne'er gonna believe this," says I.
*****
"What's going on in here?" Risa burst into the room to find Sayumi kneeling in front of an unconscious Tsunku.
"I...I'm sorry!" Sayumi squealed. "I was hanging this picture on the wall there, and Tsunku walked by and...well, I dropped it on his head."
Risa leaned closer. "My god, is he...?"
"He's alive. He's been saying some really strange things, though. And...I think he told me to lose weight."
"Why's he all wet?"
Sayumi pointed to an empty cup laying nearby. "I thought if I threw some cold water on him, he might wake up."
"Did it work?"
"No! He just called me a magpie!"
"What's a magpie?"
"I don't know!" Sayumi moaned. "Ohhh, Risa, what am I going to do?"
Risa thought for a moment. "I know!" she cried. "Let's go have some ice cream! That'll take your mind off of it!"
"Yaaaay!" Sayumi cheered. "Let's go!"
As the girls skipped out the door, the sleeping man rolled on his side, muttering under his breath.
"'N dun y'all be showin' yer faces back 'round pappy's farm no more, y'hear?"
Topic: A Tall Tale (Read 2280 times)