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Korean Shibal / Re: Korean Entertainment Postwhoring Thread
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Hallo David, 
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Japanese / Re: Sayaka Tomaru 都丸紗也華
« Last post by irwinner on Today at 06:00:06 AM »
[Young Animal] 2021 No.21

Japanese / Re: Kazusa Okuyama 奥山かずさ
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[Weekly Playboy] 2021 No.44

Library / Capricious Lachrymose (YukoRena OS) <RE-POST, 2012-2015>
« Last post by sakura_drop_ on October 24, 2021, 07:57:32 PM »
A/n. I am trying to sort out my old works, and thus I am reposting this one separately from the original post, because this work is complete and thus should go to the Library. When I wrote this piece back in the day, I wasn't in a good place, and while I didn't experience the things I wrote in this OS, being in a lower mental state kind of made it possible for me to write this. I am not gonna lie, it hurt my heart to write the ending, but... Anyways, it's unedited, I am posting it the way I posted it back in the day, I think the raw-ness and rough edges of it makes it special, because I try to polish everything nowadays. Warnings ahead and I hope you like this for what it is.


Capricious Lacrymose

Part 1. Oshima Yuko

I do not even remember how I tossed all most important and needed things to my suitcase with one hand and stopped taxi with another. I do not remember if I left the refrigerator open or the lights turned on, if I locked the doors or what was the discussion with my boss about. I found myself only at the airport, holding my head up, looking at the timetable...

I want to get away from here. The further, the better. I want some sun, warmth and freedom. I have to fly like, right now, and I do not even think about this – otherwise my mind will return to its ‘ON’ state. Maybe it is a good thing usually, but not today, and really not in this case. I know I should not let all the emotions boil inside me and I should think calmly about all the pros and cons. And I know big clever girls do not act like this. To hell! I am no way near big nor clever. I just want at least a bit of tranquility, and then I will think about what to do. The nearest flight to Copenhagen. From there someone will definitely take me South. There, where I can spend some quality time for at least a week, only me, myself and I, and breath some sea air. Thanks to my grandmother Erena, who before leaving this world took care of my financial problems, I now use huge amounts of money if anything happens. Yeah, something did happen.

About what happened... Either my nerves went berserk and I have to go to rehab, or I understand nothing about love and lovers’ laws, dos and don'ts. When that person – his name is Riku – showed up in my life, I had already been through hot and cold many times. Pink glasses were not my companion anymore, and I knew the prince on the white horse will never come. Life in Tokyo was getting boring and I decided to travel somewhere else. That’s how I came to live here, in Tallinn. I still do not speak Estonian, just English, but I really like living here. The people here are not bad, and the country’s economy is pretty stable. I got used to different time zone, food, views and beliefs. I learned about the neighboring countries like Finland, Russia, Latvia, and some further ones, like Norway, Belarus, Lithuania.. Yeah, about some I never heard, or heard vaguely, so did not remember. Now I can tell lots of things about them. I even found some friends here, a few of them are from Japan too.

Being a twenty four year-old woman I already have seen so many things in my life your average thirty year-old would never ever see. Talking about personal life and men... Peacock’s tail is colorful, but men are more varied than anything. One appears a good man at handling handcrafts, a useful helper at home, but a total bore. Another can be fun, handsome, and entertaining, but might run after every skirt he sees. I got lucky I was born in a cool company of cool people, who always taught me to live a life in such a way that would make me happy, not others. And even after my parents divorced, I still loved them both, and I do now, the same way I did before, knowing they live the life how they want, without any withholds or regrets, living by that simple rule. So not even my grandma or any of the aunts were surprised that I do not hurry to marry and have kids. So I had all the luxury to live like and how I want, and wait for that someone special.

I knew I will understand it is him at the first sight. That is a thing every woman can feel. The feeling that you have met your man might come from the smallest detail, such as a nail shape, haircut, one phrase or word. But usually it is glances and the smell. In the office there was a stench of alcohol, iodine, calx, and god only knows what else, but it just could not drown the clean, ironed shirt smell that I could smell on a doctor, who was thoroughly bandaging my leg. That smell was doing a better job than the medicine. As were his encouraging gaze and soft hands. I traitorously blushed, thinking about what those hands could do, apart from restraining patient’s legs with casts.

Anyway, I was snowboarding with my friends Atsuko and Sae in the mountains, when one careless moment brought me to the condition I was in then – I sprained my ankle ligaments, and it took away from me ability to run for some time, but it also gave me this fateful meeting with Riku. Some time later, when we got close, he admitted he instantly understood what he was looking for all his life.
“Was it that minute when I limped into your office?” interrogated I, craving to hear that confession many times.
“Nope, while you were still sitting behind the doors.” let me enjoy the moment Riku. “I just felt that one moment and something important is going to happen...”
Jesus Mary, how we fell in love with each other! Meeting Riku surpassed all my expectations: with him I felt cozy, loved, and safe. He was a man which I was proud of and wanted to match him. But then I could not even imagine what will happen two years later, that I will rush about the airports with depraved nerves.

Two hours later Copenhagen hospitably embraced and even more hospitably sent me off to Hurghada. I felt way better. Not only because of me sitting side by side with a nice looking guy (later I found out his name was Kai, and then I thought he’s totally Acchan’s type), drinking fresh cooling juice, and was looking at the receding land illuminated by the evening sun. I felt really cool. Brave, courageous. Like before. Love is cunning; she gives many good things, but also takes away the opportunity of being yourself. This lesson of life I had yet to learn of.

...To tell the truth, I did not plan to live with Riku, as I love romantic dates, and also, it was comfortable to him – he was married, after all, and had a son. I really wanted to believe that I did not break his family apart, because Riku was asseverating that nothing connected him to his wife anymore, that they had no closeness between them. But for his wife it looked differently. One weekend we decided to go snowboarding to Switzerland, but then we changed plans and traveled to Liepāja in Latvia. And there, in the middle of the street – like in the most banal movie ever – we met face to face with a group of three laughing women. One of them was Riku’s wife. She didn’t say a word, just burnt as with her bewildered look. All nervous, Riku hurried me to get into the car, and then we sped home. It was an awful journey. And the goodbye was the worst – an awkward silence, followed by a prompt kiss, his eyes full of fear; in my eyes there was only disappointment...

I really did not have an opportunity or time to think about all this situation, when suddenly on my doorstep appeared Riku.
“Can I..?”
“Do you really need this?” I asked.
“I can’t stay there...” his voice was sorrowful.
“Then stay here.” I gave up.
Riku’s all high and mighty, he did not want to be tossed away by his wife, that is why he preempted his wife’s actions. I cannot say I was saddened by this. It felt good to wake up together, drink coffee in bed after love making. It felt good to separate our ways while going to work, then meet up after. Even shopping together was sweet. But there was one small little tiny...okay, pretty average problem - our life was embittered by Riku’s wife. She was calling us for every small thing – their twelve year old son Oscar needed new shoes (at twelve o’clock at night!), it was a must to attend parents’ meeting at his school (a reminder everyday, when still one month left), the woman never hesitated in asking Riku to come home and bring something from the basement (as she has never, even once, been there and has no idea which keys do fit..). She was asking Riku for such absurd things... Sometimes it felt like he was living with two wives, taking care of two families. And Riku really tried to be a good man for the both of us. He knew how to neutralize my anger while it was still at the very beginning – he just needed to make a right joke, hug me cozily, or suggest some evening action all of a sudden.

But one day everything changed. After going through irritable and consumptive divorce Riku’s wife Lisette stated she is radically changing life. It was time for her to blossom! To show the world, that such a small thing as divorce is not going to ruin her life! And maybe she will even make that scoundrel ex to regret everything! I did not fret any attacks from that missy, I got used to them. But after she sold her part of the apartment – Riku left his part to their son – and left to USA, I began to worry. Because she decided to travel alone. Oscar was supposed to stay at our place for a month, but that month turned into two, those two - into half a year... Riku’s wife was happy to inform us from time to time that everything is perfect, that she earns lots of money, and that she’s probably going to stay and live in USA. She is going to take Oscar with her whenever there is a possibility, or that was what she said. The child of course was angry at the whole world. I did not even try to serve as his mother, what I tried was to befriend him, but everything was in vain.

Little, angry, aggressive, hedgehog night and day was showing his thorns. He won’t do the dishes, vacuum the carpet, and definitely won’t lessen the volume of stereo sound system. He will sit at computer how much he likes, and go to school whenever he wants. Just give him his freedom, money, new cellphone – or even better, iPod or iPhone – and please do not preoccupy him. It has driven me crazy! Riku was also disturbing; instead of discussing the matter with his son and explaining his wrong doings, Riku was satisfying all Oscar’s needs and fulfilling all of his wishes.
“This is my child. So let me decide what’s best for him.” that was how he cut off all of my critiques.
So maybe you both should leave my place, and then live your life where and how you want? That was what I wanted to say, but I could not find the courage.

The hot Egypt’s sun took all my strength, but I feel happy like never before. I found a cozy hotel with a view to the Red Sea, and a nice and very talkative Arab, who promised to teach me diving. For this evening I have a basket full of delicious fruits, thoughtfully placed bottle of old good wine, and the so awaited solitude. It is so strange... Just this morning I was skidding the wet from rain Tallinn’s streets, and now I am lying in the huge king size bed, and my body is caressed by the light wind which got in through the opened balcony doors...

...Later it got worse. Oscar’s aggression raised my aggression. I started talking his language. Swearing, talking back roughly, shouting – this was the side of me I had never known of having. Everything and everyone was getting on my nerves, even Riku. Just then I noticed what huge ears he has, how high pitched his voice is, what abnormally long legs he has, and what an air-head he actually is. But what was the most disturbing thing... Riku was too messy. As he is the doctor, I expected him to be tidier and neat. And yet I always had to go after him and clean up the mess he left. I picked up the wet used towels, dirty socks, clothes scattered here and there. I cleaned the floor after he took a shower, the dishes after he ate and left them in the living room... I could go on and on. He even was keeping empty or half full bottles (some of them were ten years old!!!) under our bed! My anger was reaching its maximum level. Oscar did not stop terrorizing us, we could not even reach a compromise in either good or bad ways. One day a bunny appeared at our home. Oscar named it Buggy. That animal was silly and too energetic, but very cute. Everything was fine the first two days. But then Oscar got bored of his ‘toy’ and tossed the bunny’s care to us.

Even though the bunny was cute, he was making such noisy sounds at nights and eating so much, that our lives went into the period of hectic-ness and sleepless nights... After we got used to this noisy member of our family, another one appeared, even more silly, just, for my happiness, visiting only from time to time. It was Oscar’s grandmother, Riku’s mother Nana. Can you prohibit the old woman from visiting her one and only son and grandson? Of course not. Usually she was visiting without any notice.  After sitting down at the dinner table she every time cleaned imaginary crumbs from the surface, talking in a very nasal, nearly nausea bringing voice. And her question was always the same: “When is the wedding, children?” One could have gone mad in my place. And once she left, me and Riku fell to bed totally exhausted, without any strength left. A vampire, no other way to describe her. And then came the day, when the last drop of my patience disappeared. The bunny scrapped all the important documents, Oscar crashed a very beautiful and precious to me vase while playing with a ball (yet I asked him millions of times to not play with a ball inside). And Riku’s mom not only asked when is the wedding... She also suggested where I can rent the dress.

I tried to calm down by hugging Riku tightly, but he was at the highest peek of his air-headiness, murmuring something about how tired he is, and he did not even had the chance to play the new game on his PSP. That is why this morning I jumped out of bed and first thing what I did was creating a password for Oscar’s computer (he should play outside with friends or read books), then I gave bunny to the neighbor’s daughter (at least she is going to take care and love it), cleaned the whole flat perfectly, leaving the cleanliness Riku hates so much, and then jumped into taxi.

That is why I am here, where there are no worries and lots of sun. And I even know what I’m going to do further on! I am going to stay here as long as I want. Month, two, or even the whole year. I will be teaching the tourists swimming and diving, taking them to excursions. I am going to learn Arabian, then find some friends. I love changes. And Riku won’t get into trouble without me. And if he does, that means it had to be that way.

Part 2. Matsui Rena

This might have been a trap, and yet it wasn’t. I don’t even remember how I traveled here, but I can clearly say I did not have to pay for the trip. After all the things I have been through this looked like a dream, but it was definitely real. I felt a slight wind brushing past my face, the hot evening sun touching lightly my cheeks, and the vast blue sea, whose singing waves filled my heart with peace and tranquility...

I feel emptiness... Like I’m about to suffocate... These headaches I have, these nightmares... That voice and the feeling of those lips touching my skin... I can’t bear the memory that crept into my head and tears start flowing down my cheeks... Where to run? Where to go? Where to escape? Why did it happened to me?.. I thought we were friends, close family members... We... I... The bond I knew existed now is torn apart... This sadness that I feel... My body is shivering... I pass a lifeless street and stumble on my way to nowhere. I fall on the stone road and yelp in pain. Every tiniest detail of my past life flashes through my head again... Tears blur my vision and I try to stand up, but... I can do nothing about it, as the last time I ate was about twenty hours ago... I rub my eyes so to clear tears away. And then I notice it. No, my tired eyes notice. A white sheet of paper. I crawl to it and take it. The lamppost shines brightly, so I can read what’s written on that sheet. It’s a ticket. Huh... I toss it. Then my mind processes everything, and suddenly I feel an energy rush inside me. I grab the ticket and read it again. It’s a ticket to... Cairo?! Without a name, the economy class... It’s okay, I’m fine with anything, as long as I can get away from here... My mouth is still agape, trying to breath steady... Then time flies faster than the wind, and I find myself on a plane to Cairo. And then here I am, in the middle of the city, empty-handed, without any luggage, alone under the hot Egypt’s sun.

...My life was pretty hectic, going from one city to another, changing families, parents, foster homes. I don’t know any of the reasons why our real parents left us at the orphanage when we were still of kindergarten age. At first we were always together, being shown to people as one unit. But for some reason no one wanted to adopt me, only my sister was in a wanted list. Well, not just for some reason. I always looked weak, as my skin was always white as snow, no, more like pale as that of the dead, or that’s how they called it. My thin non-muscular body with clearly visible bones pushed people away from me. That’s why with time I understood we will be parted one day. But I never thought it will happen so soon. Being ten years old, all weak-looking, I never thought of what will happen, if my eight year old sister is to be taken by some of the parents. When it happened... The huge hole in my heart widened, I cried buckets of tears, feeling lonely and forgotten when Jurina was taken away. I actually never got over the fact that my sister and I are far away from each other, that we will have different families, that people won’t add a ‘W’ in front of our surname when calling us, because we will have different surnames... And the fact that we might meet in the future never did hit me, knowing it’s a chance of one in a zillion for this to happen. I lost my poise, my smile, and all the hopes of meeting her ever.

They told me the truth: she was taken to Tokyo. And now she had a new family, consisting of loving parents, older brother Kuu and the oldest sister Mariko. It broke my heart, hearing all that, I lost consciousness at that moment. Later I started having nightmares, and by the time they ended, I already was nicknamed ‘zombie queen’ by the other kids, or ‘creepy’ by people who came to adopt someone. I would have preferred a nickname like ‘Black’, ‘Gekikara’, ‘Morticia’, or other cool nicknames that were given to some kids in the adoption center, but I had to bear with this one. To tell the truth, I didn’t care. I knew I looked awful, weak, and my habit of bitting nails did not help. But one day a miracle happened. A very gentle, calm couple came to adopt a child, and just one glance at me made them sure they want me as their daughter. I now had a different last name, Matsui. When I processed that thought, I opened my eyes really wide. I could even swear my jaw dropped on the floor and heart skipped away to the abyss. I remembered what I was told about Jurina. One thing in particular was very distinctive. My sister’s new last name was also Matsui...

That alone made me a bit relieved and relaxed. At least we had the same last name. But I still didn’t put any hopes in ever meeting her. She was in Tokyo, I was in Nagoya. My family was really nice. New parents loved me, the same amount as their other real child. Now I had another sister, Airi. She was really nice to me, and it appeared we both love 2D world... Airi-chan was such a cutie... But I still missed Jurina a lot, nobody could replace her to me. That puppy face, cat-like smile, clingy manners and those puckered lips, always ready to kiss anyone anytime. I shed a tear every time I thought about my sister. But that aside, my life went calmly and steadily. I had people who cared about me and loved me the way I am. A real family I could lean on, the family we always wanted to have since the very first day at the orphanage. But if only I could meet Jurina, just once... I don’t think I might need anything else... That was what I wished for, and yet I knew nothing about her. How did she grow up? What does she look like now? Is she the same clingy cutie that I knew? Does she miss me? These kinds of questions crept into my head, but had I known what awaits me... I would have never ever even wished to meet her... If only I knew she’s not the same person as before...

That day was like all other days: going to university, coming home, helping Airi-chan to clean up, helping mama to cook lunch, helping papa in the garden. At around five or six o’clock a phone rang. Airi-chan went to answer it. After a few minutes she came to me and said it’s a call for me. I was really surprised someone called me to the home phone. My best friends Akane and Aina knew my mobile number, professors never needed to call me, as I was a good student.
“Moshi moshi.” was what I said.
“Rena-chan...” I heard a voice calling my name and my heart stopped. I knew instantly who it is even though the voice was now more mature. It was the voice I wanted to hear so badly many many years.
“Jurina?..” I asked in a shaky voice, still not believing that it’s her voice I hear. Tears found their way down my cheeks, and I was afraid my heartbeat might be heard not only to the person on the other side of the phone, but to the whole neighborhood.
“Oh, so you recognize my voice, neechan?” asked she and I felt some unknown feeling clutching tightly my heart.
“Yes, Jurina-chan... I... I want to meet you... I miss you...” I couldn’t hold my feelings only to myself anymore. She is my real sister, I haven’t seen her for ten years. She is now eighteen, I’m twenty...
“I miss you too, neechan...” I heard her voice and somehow I felt uneasy, yet I had no idea why, and decided it’s because of not seeing her for such a long time. “Let’s meet this Friday, we have lots of things to catch up to.” she continued. I agreed we needed to meet.
“Where?.. And how will I know it’s you?” I asked shyly.
“You will know, neechan.” I knew she smirked just then, I could tell that much just from the tone of her voice.
“In the café we used to go when we were kids...” she whispered the last words, and I knew she had uneasiness.
“Okay..” I was worried about her, but what could I do, really... I am older than her, I had to remain tough for her. Or that’s what I thought.

I was so anticipating for our meeting, that I could barely eat or sleep. My family got worried for my health. I said things are fine, and that they do not have to worry. Because they trusted me and I trusted them, they believed in my words, and the next day – it was Friday finally! - I ate normal breakfast. Parents smiled at me, Airi-chan gave a comforting pat on my shoulders. That meant: whatever happens, I had their full support. It meant a lot to me and I hugged the three of them. Then I said them the truth, that I’m finally meeting my real sister. They were happy for me, and gave me all comfort I needed. Mama helped me with my make up, a light one, using just foundation and lip balsam; Airi-chan helped to pick an outfit; and papa just gave me a firm hug. The smiles on their faces.... I will never forget them... After I prepared everything, I left the house in a very high spirits, my mood was that of the highest quality. I caught a taxi, and said the address of that café. When I stepped into the ‘Two Roses’, I found there a lot of people, like always. I scanned the area, but there was no sight of my sister. Just my heart went all ‘doki doki’, when I found myself gazing at the very handsome guy with a silky black above-shoulders-length hair, cold yet breathtaking eyes, and smooth hands, waving!... As I got closer to him realization struck me. He was sitting at my and my sister’s favorite place.

Then he stood up and another realization hit me. He was taller than me, in white shirt, black vest, and black jeans, a nice wristwatch on his left hand; but it was actually my once little sister!!!
“J...Jurina...?” I stuttered, my eyelashes fluttering thousand times faster than ever, trying to connect this handsome guy with the little girl I knew ten years ago.
“Rena-chan,” His... No, Jurina’s voice sounded somewhat seductive as she looked up and down my body. I felt naked in front of my sister, even though I was wearing a nice white knee-length dress with black belt and navy styled jacket, white sandals and black accessories. But if then I felt strange and a bit afraid, that lasted only a short time, because few seconds later my all worries disappeared somewhere in the air, as Jurina nearly jumped on me and smiled in her old good cat-like smile, her voice being cute and childish – even though it didn’t fit with her image now, and lips curving into a pout after continuing the sentence “I missed you, neechan...”
I smiled and hugged her back, feeling very light and peaceful in her arms...

The hunger and thirst that I felt made me weak in my legs and I fell onto the ground, not caring that others were looking at me with ‘she is crazy’ glares... I was scared of what happened before I found the ticket, I didn’t know what to do now, and I felt my starvation getting at me. I just then came to understand the pain I felt in my stomach. I tried to rise and walk forward, but all I could do was crouch. There were no one who helped me, I don’t think anyone wanted to help me. People were just giving me stares, looking at me with pity, or making jokes about me, or passing by like some plague. And then I felt warm hands on my waist and shoulders.
“Hey, let me help you, do not be afraid.” a gentle voice said.

...It was late in the evening when we decided to take a walk. We talked about the past ten years, I learned a lot about her, things I missed out thanks to us being apart for such a long time. She was now a first year student at Akihabara university, and said it was actually on good terms with Sakae university, the one I was attending. I also told her a lot about me and my family, and all my life until this moment. It appeared we both were depressed about the separation, yet our families were able to soothe our pain, and only because of them we were able to lead peaceful and calm lives. But we still missed each other a lot, so this reunion to us was like honey to bees. Another different thing was that I never thought I’ll meet her again, I lost all faith after not seeing her for so many years. But Jurina, on the other hand, she never lost faith and she was always searching for me. And she found me. That made me glad and smile like crazy.

Taking a turn to the right we found ourselves in a dead alley. It was dark, only one lamppost shining faintly, barely illuminating anything around it.
“Jurina-chan, I’m scared... Maybe we should go back...” I whispered. I never liked narrow dark places, I was always afraid of the darkness, so turning right from the path was not a very clever idea.
“Are you afraid of something...or someone, Rena-chan? You have me by your side, I will protect you.” Somehow her voice was unconvincing and her hands, hugging me possessively, felt cold and somewhat unpleasant. I wonder, if she forgot my fear, if she forgot how I cried when teacher punished me and left me standing two hours in the darkest corner of the main hall, while others were sleeping. Jurina was always there for me, even being very young didn’t stop her from sneaking out and bringing me food, or hugging me in a comforting way. She was never afraid of such things. So I could understand how that alley was nothing but a mere alley for her. But I was afraid, and I wanted to go back.
“Jurina-chan..?” my questioning and dumbfounded a bit scared look made an impact, and she backed away, or that’s what it looked like at first.

Then I understood my hands were tied behind my back and I was being pushed against the hard and cold concrete wall. I was so taken aback by this sudden change of events and in such a shock from the dark and burning look in her eyes, that I couldn’t even protest or push Jurina away, when her lips met mine. She took my first kiss in a forceful manner, pressing hers against mine, biting my plump lower one until I got some copper taste in my mouth. I still couldn’t move, and it felt like I was watching this scene from afar, like the one who’s being kissed was not me. Then I came back to reality, as her hands started groping my breasts, her bent leg pushing hard between my legs against my most private place, her tongue evading my mouth and exploring it thoroughly. I squirmed and squirmed, trying to get away, to stop her actions, but soon my strength left me. Jurina was too strong, and knowing I was always this weak, I stood no chance against her. Tears started gathering at the corners of my eyes, when my REAL sister took of my clothes, leaving my jacket and dress hang behind my back on my hands, near the tightly tied rope. I felt dirty, embarrassed, afraid, and sad... To be raped by my own sister...

“Rena-chan... I missed you a lot... I love you... Don’t be afraid, I’ll pour all my love to you, I’ll make you feel good, I promise... You are very dear to me, Rena-chan...” her voice echoed in my head, sending shivers down my body, as her teeth sunk into the soft flesh of my mounds... I didn’t even notice how my bra was taken totally away by undoing the straps, then unclasping the bra itself, and taking it totally away, while saying all those words that made me cry even more. So when her teeth met my barren skin and later on my hardened cherries... I jolted and arched my back, my exposed mounds pressing hard against her face. I knew she was smirking, even though my eyes were closed, full of tears rolling down my cheeks. My mouth was making unintentional sounds and moans, as her fingers slowly traced my waist line and thighs. Then suddenly she pulled off my panties...

The memory creeps into my mind and I squirm in the hands of that woman, trying to escape her gentle hands, afraid of the touch, not being able to trust anyone. But she’s stronger than me, like Jurina is... It gives me chills, and I try to escape those hands again, screaming, shouting and crying aloud. Yet that woman just whispers sweet and calming words into my ears, her voice soothing me, making me melt in her arms. I don’t understand what she’s saying, my mind’s all blurred, but what I am sure about is that I want to sleep so badly, and her arms feel too good to run away anymore, too warm to protest.. I wonder, who this

Part 3. Trust and Fears

She lifted the sleeping girl from the middle of the street and glared at all people who were making fun of the poor girl. Her eyes probably looked very scary if everyone started minding their own business and stopped paying attention to those two. Yuko then carried the girl in bridal style to her car and placed her gently on the passenger’s seat by the driver, lowering the seat so the girl would be able to sleep comfortably. She fastened the girl’s seatbelt and closed the car doors. The short girl then went to the other side of the car, opened the doors and sat in a driver’s seat. After closing the doors she looked at the poor state the girl was in.

Here and there torn all dirty white dress with a few spots of blood at the bottom, skin full of red marks; being an adult Yuko instantly knew those were the rough kissing marks. The girl had bags under her eyes yet her face was that of an angel’s. Yuko smiled to herself, fastened her own seatbelt, started the engine and drove out of the parking lot.


Rena woke up in the king size bed in a very neat bedroom with white sheets, violet curtains, creamy soft carpet and huge windows. Rena found herself dressed in a very adorable pink pajama with brown teddy bears on it. She smiled but then the memories of what happened flooded her mind. Her face became all gloomy all of the sudden and the smile disappeared as if it did not exist. She glanced to the side of the bed and noticed a bowl full of fruits and berries on the night table.

The raven haired girl was about to reach for the apple when the door to the bedroom opened and a short Japanese female came in. Her warm smile, cute dimples and comforting gaze looked like it can calm anyone, but Rena had too much pain in her life, especially these past days. She just couldn’t trust an unknown person instantly, not after what happened with her sister. Losing trust had a huge impact on her; being raped was not a welcoming experience either. She hugged herself and tears fell down her cheeks. The woman looked at her with concern and sat down on the edge of the bed further from Rena, presumably not wanting to invade her personal space. They sat like that in silence for a long time but then suddenly Rena’s stomach made a grumbling sound. She blushed and hid her face in the pillow.

“Hey, don’t hide. Your blushing face is very cute” she heard a gentle voice saying. “You must be hungry. I prepared some food, care to join me? If not, just tell me and I’ll let you eat alone.”

No matter how much it hurt Rena’s heart, the feeling of being played with, now she was very hungry. Also, that woman just soothed her somehow, looking like an angel who came from heaven down here to save her. Rena decided to trust someone for the last time in her life and if this time it was also to fail, then she would never be able to trust anyone anymore.

“Un…” The girl was about to get up but Yuko stopped her by shaking her head and index finger while smiling.

“Stay in bed, I’ll bring food here. You need to rest a bit more and also, you’re my guest, let me spoil you a bit.” Yuko gently ordered and then left the room.

She went to the kitchen and took a tray which had dinner for two on it. The woman smiled to herself. She was able to get through the overprotective barrier of that weak girl and it somehow made her feel stronger than she believed she was. Yuko really wanted to help that girl and now she believed in herself; helping the girl was now her goal. When Yuko’s life turned upside down, she left everyone and sank in her sorrow alone, not knowing later she’ll regret not having close friends by her side or someone, who could heal her heart and deep wounds that were marring it. Now she wanted to be that someone for the girl upstairs, even if it meant for Yuko to go a long and hard way to reach into the heart of the hurt girl.


Yuko brought the tray into the room and found the girl crying while clutching onto the sheets. The woman placed down the tray and hugged the crying girl, soothing her with calm words and holding her tightly in a comforting embrace.

Rena felt the woman’s arms wrapping around her, warm hands caressing her back and slowly all the worries that she had about the future faded away. She decided to stop reminiscing of the past for now and wiped the tears away.

“There, are you feeling slightly better?” The beautiful woman asked and seeing Rena nod made her smile brightly, not knowing that for the split second her guest thought of her as a squirrel due to those cute dimples on her cheeks when she smiled. “By the way, my name is Yuko, Oshima Yuko.”

“Rena…Ma…tsui Rena…” She whispered, gulping down the lump in her throat and keeping away the tears that were about to fall down, then smiled vaguely. “I’m feeling better. Really, thank you…”

“Very good, let’s eat then.” Yuko suggested and smiled once again, making Rena smile more sincerely this time.

The two females sat comfortably on the bed and started eating. They didn’t speak and it really was not needed. The silence wrapped around them cozily and warmly. It felt good, to eat just like that, without talking.

Rena had this strange urge to look up but felt too embarrassed to do so. Instead, she decided to secretly observe the woman. Her eyes glossed over the brown hair that were gently falling into very beautiful locks, ending halfway to her elbows; her charming facial features with those gentle brown eyes and the cute dimples when the woman smiled; simple and comfortable clothes, not too fashionable but fitting the older woman perfectly well; and, most importantly, her appetite. The way Yuko was eating made Rena chuckle. It earned a confused look from the older woman.

Yuko looked at the chuckling girl. It was nice to see the pale cheeks getting a rose blush and those lifeless sad eyes getting a spark of joy. Yet she could tell that the girl might be sulking and crying again, once she finishes eating and Yuko leaves the room. The state the girl was in made the woman realize Rena must have went through a lot. It must be very painful for her to bear it all inside; that’s what the woman thought. For her, the girl looked fragile and vulnerable, like a porcelain doll. No, more like an angel, that she wanted to protect and take care of. Yuko giggled, noticing Rena secretly casting glances at her. The way she took the last bite of food and smiled afterwards made something spark inside of the squirrel woman’s heart.

“Gochisoosama deshita.” Rena said.

“Un. Now you should go and sleep more, you need to rest. Okay?” Yuko asked with concern.

“Hai.” The girl rested her head on the pillow and Yuko picked the tray with empty dishes. She was about to leave the room when suddenly she heard a sweet mumble. “Arigatou.”

Yuko felt that same spark vibrate deep inside her and she nearly dropped the tray. Carefully leaving the room, she closed the door, leaving the girl to rest.


Days passed by and Rena seemingly has gotten better. She smiled more, got adjusted to the lifestyle of Cairo and even started cooking dinner for Yuko, who had lots of work now that she had to support not only herself but Rena also. It didn’t mean that everything went smoothly or that the girl’s heart has healed completely. Yuko could tell that the wound was very deep and something very magnificent had to happen for Rena to at least not think about the painful moment in her life daily.

Yuko herself was not feeling all too well. She realized by helping the girl out and accepting her into her house she dug herself a grave. The woman helplessly fell in love with the black haired angel and she couldn’t do anything about it. Both she and Rena had too much pain in their lives to start anything new other than this life they were having at the moment. However, the woman knew that one day she will have to voice out her feelings or they might burst out if bottled up for too long and it could scare the girl way too much.

The main reason why Yuko was sure of Rena getting easily scared by her confession was because Rena still cried at nights. The poor girl had nightmares very often, she would scream and yell a female’s name, afterwards whispering words like ‘No’, ‘please’, ‘stop’, ‘no more’ and so on. Yuko would go and wake up the girl on every such occasion, afterwards hugging her tightly and letting her cry and then calm down, which often resulted in Yuko having yet another sleepless night. One thing for sure, Yuko had to make a decision on what to do and how to help Rena get better and at least stop having the nightmares.


Rena was unsure if she could keep on living like that. Yuko made her happy but at the same time she still felt empty. As if her heart was ripped out of her ribcage and she existed in this world only as a doll, programmed to perform the very basic actions and smile when people expected her to smile. However, she felt as if that was not enough anymore. She still had nightmares and she felt bad for Yuko, who was taking care of her in that state every single night.

What’s worse was the fact that she couldn’t forget Jurina’s voice or face, nor she could forget what happened that fated night. It felt as if Rena was reliving it every single night and she somehow had to pass the day with the feelings from the dream and memories still lingering in her heart. She was thankful to Yuko who sometimes managed to keep those thoughts away but it was such a rarity that it barely counted.

She had to do something about this, about the pain and all the memories. She knew one thing though. She will have to act selfishly. Yuko will miss her, Yuko might even mourn for her, but at this point it was all Rena could do. She had to remove herself from this world in order to finally feel at peace, to finally erase all the bad memories and feelings.


I don’t know why I am even standing here… I have been coming here for five years already and still… I cannot feel anything else but pain… Sadness, anger, frustration, loneliness… It all dies before that one force. Pain. No regrets or remorse, just immeasurable pain. No other pain I ever felt in my life could be compared to this. Nothing has ever felt more agonizing than this misery and torment of knowing and realizing that this was the only way it could have ended.

She was like an angel, but a broken one. She filled my life with happiness and fulfilment, but with every positive feeling that she gave me she added more weight on herself to carry on with her life. The memories from her past, I never got to know what actually happened to her. Maybe it’s for the best. I think if I knew, the pain would be even greater than it is now….would I go the same path as she?

I don’t think of her as of an angel anymore. I have this image in my head, a certain flower that I was once told about. It is a mythical one, no one ever saw it but I think that through that short time I actually was able to see. A capricious Lachrymose. Flower that makes you cry from how suddenly it can change its behavior. It could bloom for a few days and then not bloom for a full year, or it could suddenly bloom for two years and then immediately die because it felt like it was for the best.

The pain in my heart is so strong and I feel like suffocating. How many more years will pass until I stop feeling this pain and misery? Why am I feeling like I will have to carry this torment with me to my grave? I cannot help but cry from all the memories that flood my brain whenever I am here, on the cliff she jumped from. It’s not only memories of her; it’s memories of my life… Of Riku, especially. Rena left my life so suddenly and I feel completely devastated. Did I make him feel the devastation and misery too? Did he realize his mistakes and changed?

I just know that I cannot jump the same way Rena did. I can only keep on moving forward, with this great pain in my heart, live for the poor girl and be thankful to her for opening my eyes. I did love her and I should have confessed. I know she still would have probably jumped but at least my heart wouldn’t feel so heavy. At least I would have made her death with more positive feeling. She at least would have known that there is someone who sincerely cares for her and who will honestly miss her for the rest of the life.

I know I will miss you forever, Matsui Rena, my Capricious Lachrymose…

Girls' Generation / Re: Breast SNSD
« Last post by junren88 on October 24, 2021, 07:47:07 PM »
Japanese / Re: Aya Ueto
« Last post by muppet on October 24, 2021, 11:04:14 AM »
Two legenday women at same place, same time... :deco:

Aya Ueto 1985年9月14日

Aya Matsuura  1986年6月25日

Talk) あややを目指してた/松浦亜弥・上戸彩 2007
Graduate Plaza / Re: The Matsuura Aya Thread (松浦亜弥)
« Last post by muppet on October 24, 2021, 10:45:10 AM »
New Page!  :deco:
Two legenday women at same place, same time...

Aya Ueto 1985年9月14日

Aya Matsuura  1986年6月25日

Talk) あややを目指してた/松浦亜弥・上戸彩 2007
The AKBar48 / Набор для гирлянд белт лайт
« Last post by Jimmieannor on October 24, 2021, 06:05:15 AM »
Белт-лайт представляет собой 2-х или 5-ти жильный провод с равномерно расположенными на нем патронами для ламп с цоколем Е27. В народе его также называют гирляндой с лампочками, ретро гирляндой 
 Также белт лайт различается по цвету и мы представляем черный и белый варианты
Graduate Plaza / Re: The Fujimoto Miki Thread (藤本美貴) [+99 pages]
« Last post by muppet on October 24, 2021, 05:53:02 AM »
Japanese / Re: Hina Kikuchi 菊地姫奈
« Last post by muppet on October 24, 2021, 01:07:54 AM »
Hina Chan turned 17 last week! お誕生日おめでとうございマス🎉👏

Busy Girl!

太陽ホールディングス株式会社 TVCM ~宇宙少女デビュー篇(30秒)~
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