Well, I can't wait for slowpoke wedges.
This is the longest chapter yet.
It's like 6 3/4 pages in Word. WOO!
Enjoy~!
[Chapter Twenty-One: Confused, But Happy]
For a few minutes it felt like I was in heaven. I hadn’t expected my first kiss to be so warm and soft… and gentle. Then again, I hadn’t expected that I would get my first kiss that day, either. Or from a girl that I barely knew. Her lips left mine, and she leaned forward so that our foreheads touched, letting out a quiet sigh.
“I probably shouldn’t have done that…”
I smiled, closing my eyes. How somebody could feel so guilty over something like a little kiss was beyond me. It wasn’t as though I couldn’t have pulled away, and to be honest, I hadn’t wanted to. So I was just as ‘guilty’ as she was. I didn’t know what I was doing… and I didn’t know where this was going, but… if this was how it started out then I was curious to see where it might lead.
“You regret it already…? I didn’t think that I would be that bad at kissing…”
“N-no… it’s not that… it was nice…”
I was glad she couldn’t see my face just then, because I’m pretty sure it was getting pretty pink right there. However, I waited for the ‘but…’ that was sure to come. Those ‘buts’, always shoving themselves in where they weren’t wanted.
“But… I’m not sure that I want anything to happen here… So… I’m sorry, I didn’t want to send out mixed signals like this. I really shouldn’t have done that.”
She sat back up straight again, moving away from me. Maybe I wouldn’t have felt so disappointed if she wasn’t so… wonderful. She was being very honest with me, but I think that the conflict that I held in my eyes was reflected in hers. Though she was telling the truth… she was holding back something, too. Obviously, she had a reason for putting up these walls and pushing me away…
There wasn’t much I could do but respect that and leave it alone, no matter how confused I was at the moment. This wasn’t the time or place to get into a relationship with anyone, anyway. I had too many things on my mind already, and I wasn’t here to stay…
Maasa got up off of the bed and staggered a little bit as she stood on her own two feet again. Anyone else might have been concerned, and I was, but I was able to read her well enough to know that she would probably refuse any help that I would try to offer, and so I just watched her silently.
“Are you leaving now?”
Of course you are…
“I think I’m going to go check up on Saki.”
A lie, but… I don’t belong in this place here with you.
“Be careful, then…”
I’ll probably never see you again… will I?
“Yeah, I will. Oh, but one more thing… About that song… the one your mom came up with? I think you should go for it. Don’t let the past keep you from moving ahead in the future.”
Maybe… I should take my own advice sometime.
“…I’ll think about it. Goodbye, Maasa.”
Goodbye, Momoko.
I sat there as she closed the door behind her without a word, and I pulled one of the pillows next to me in my lap, hugging it for comfort. The photo album lay open in front of me, and I reached forward to trace my fingers tentatively across the picture of my mother.
Would you have believed in me, too, Mom?
I gathered up what remained of my determination and courage, and hopped off of the bed, leaving the apartment to go and find the rest of the troupe.
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“Ah- Risako-chan…”
Even though some part of Saki was happy to see her old friends again… another part of her was telling her to run as fast as she could in order to get away from them. Unfortunately, there was a problem. Miyabi had already spotted her, and was giving her the most venomous look that she could muster.
“You don’t have the right to speak to her any more… or any of the rest of us, for that matter. What are you doing here?”
Miyabi’s voice was cold, and her words definitely cut into Saki’s heart, but she preferred them to the silent treatment.
“…I live in this city, and I was just taking a walk… Is there a problem with that?”
“Where have you been for the past two years, then?”
It was the question. The one that Saki had been waiting for. The one that she knew she couldn’t answer without expecting this girl to be angry at her. She deserved all of this hatred, though, she supposed… after all, she had been the one to walk away.
“I’ve been here.”
“I haven’t seen you once since before yesterday, so I’m not sure that I believe you.”
“Well, for one thing, I didn’t want to be found, so that was kind of the point, and for another, why does it matter to you, Miyabi?”
“Because I want to know if I’m going to have to avoid seeing your face again.”
Another sharp dart, laced with poison. But no matter how badly it hurt, Saki wouldn’t lash back out at the other girl. It simply wasn’t her way. She would take the hits everytime and then try to move on. But… how much more would she… or could she take? Not anymore today, that was for sure. She had other things to worry about.
“Don’t worry about that… I’ll make sure to stay out of your way, if that’s what you want.” She mumbled quietly, walking past Miyabi and making sure not to make eye contact. As she was leaving, however, she felt a gentle hand grab onto her wrist, and every ounce of her being hoped that it might have been Miyabi.
Turning around to see Risako’s kind face wasn’t bad, either. The younger girl said nothing, but Saki could see something like forgiveness in those eyes, and as she glanced at Yurina and Erika, she saw that they were mirroring the same expression.
At least, not everyone hates me…
She smiled sadly at them, before continuing on, wanting to put all of that behind her. Once she was gone, Miyabi immediately turned on the youngest member of the troupe.
“What the HELL did you do THAT for? You’re going to make her think that everything’s okay now, and it’s NOT, Risako.”
“You’re the only one who had a problem with her leaving, Miya…”
“Because she dropped everything that was important to her and abandoned us! We were at the top of our game and we lost our best performer, and for what? Oh, that’s right, we don’t know, because she didn’t have an explanation, so that must mean there’s no freakin’ reason at all.”
“You don’t know that.”
“And YOU do?”
Risako was doing an impressive job of standing up to the intimidating Miyabi, and even though she was frightened of the other girl, she wouldn’t dare back down now.
“I trust Saki-chan. I don’t need to know the reasons why she does what she does. She’s my friend, and I’ll love her anyway. And honestly, I think you’re mad because something happened to you personally, and so you’re trying to take it out on the rest of us because you didn’t get what you wanted-”
The force of the slap was enough to knock Risako to the ground, and the sound of it echoed off of the buildings nearby. Risako didn’t know that something could sting so badly, and she felt her eyes begin to water. Miyabi was standing over her now, and after receiving such a blow, the younger girl had started to tremble.
“Don’t ever talk to me like that again. You don’t know what happened, and so you have no business talking about it like that. I’m still the leader of this group, and so I’m going to treat the lot of you however I want to. Oh, and guess what? You have your beloved Saki to thank for that, too, because if she hadn’t left, you wouldn’t be in this mess. How does that make you feel, Rii-chan? Hm? It kind of sucks to think about it that way, doesn’t it? Suddenly, Saki’s not so great anymore, huh.”
Risako was crying now, but she still had a little bit of fight left in her, and she managed to glare up at the older girl through her tears.
“You’ll never be even a fraction of the person she is…”
The younger girl flinched as she saw Miyabi’s hand swing back again, but something stopped her from slapping Risako a second time.
That something was me.
I had my hand closed tight around Natsuyaki’s wrist, and even though I wanted really badly to pull backwards and send the girl sprawling to the ground, I am a better person than that. Or maybe it was because I wasn’t entirely there thanks to what had happened with Maasa. Either way, I was willing to negotiate before I sent my new rival into a world of pain.
“Touch her again and you’ll regret it, Natsuyaki.”
“Let go of me, Tsugunaga.” She replied, through gritted teeth. I wasn’t exactly feeling threatened, though. More like, amused, because try as she might she couldn’t get her arm free of my grasp. Oh, and she had stopped using my nickname as an insult, I guess.
Which was good, because I didn’t like to hear it coming out of her mouth.
“I’ll let go of you when I’m good and ready.”
Just to emphasize my point, I twisted the girl’s arm so that it was pinned up against her back, and she let out a yelp of surprise and pain.
“Now, I don’t know what’s going on over here… I don’t really need to know, because it doesn’t really matter. But, I couldn’t help but overhear that you think that you’re still leading this group. And while that’s fine and nice and all, I’m here to inform you that a leader doesn’t treat her group like this. So if you insist on acting like this towards them, I’m going to let you know right now that I will step up and intervene. So grow up, or get out of my way. As much as I don’t want to say it, as a part of this group, you are needed. And if you don’t get your act together, it could be the end of this. All of this. The theatre… this group… your dream… everything. And you know I’m right.”
Natsuyaki had stopped struggling halfway into my speech, and I could tell that she was listening and thinking hard about what I had to say. Good, it meant that maybe I had knocked some sense into her. I let go of her hand, and watched as she let it drop limply to her side.
“We’re going to keep on working hard for this show. No matter what. I ran off today… but it won’t happen again. I am just an outsider… and I’ll leave once this is over. But until then, I’m committed. And I’m gonna do everything in my power to make sure that the theatre doesn’t get closed down.”
I walked over to Risako and bent down to help her up. Her cheek was red, and she was looking at me through bleary eyes. I wiped a tear off of her face with my thumb, and smiled at her in a reassuring way. Then I turned to the rest of the group.
“Go home. Get some sleep. Forget about what happened today, because tomorrow we’re starting this thing for real. And be ready for some serious work.”
I got nothing but silence for a reply, but I could tell that we were all in agreement, albeit a reluctant one. I nodded, and then tugged Risako along behind me to leave.
I wanted nothing more than to go to sleep at this point.
What a rough day…
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“I’m really sorry about it you know…”
“Go to sleep, Risako-chan…”
I felt the bed shift as she sat up beside me, and I groaned and rolled over, burying my head beneath a pillow to try and block her out.
“No. I’m not sleeping until I know for sure that you forgive me.”
“I wasn’t even mad at you to begin with…”
There wasn’t a reply, and so I wondered if she had even heard me through the pillow. Considering that this was Risako I was talking about, probably not. I sighed and sat up as well, turning to look at her.
“Listen… I’m not mad at you for what you did today, and I never was. When I got upset… it wasn’t about you… it was because of the weight… the pressure that I felt at that moment… well, it was just too overwhelming for me to handle. That’s why I ran out, okay?”
“I know, and I didn’t mean to put you on the spot, I swear, I just thought that-”
I held up a hand, stopping her in her tracks.
“You thought it would be nice to offer. And it was. I just didn’t know how to handle what you had given me… but… when I got away… and had time to think about it… I think I’m going to go ahead and do the solo. But only if the others are okay with it.”
She gave me a toothy grin, and I knew just then that I would never hear the end of it.
“Oh, I already talked to them about it when we were looking for it. Even Miya seemed to be interested in the idea… but I don’t know if her opinion’s changed since you gave her a good talkin’ to… By the way, where did that come from. You were so awesome out there, Momo-chan…”
I know, I know. I can be much too amazing for my own good sometimes. It didn’t hurt to hear it from someone else for a change, though.
“She hurt you… and nobody’s going to treat you like that when I’m around.”
Especially not when I’m around. I had a feeling that that wasn’t the first time Natsuyaki had bullied my cousin, either. She and I would be having a long talk if she tried to pull something like that again.
Risako smiled at me again, before laying her head back down on her pillow.
Finally… maybe now I can get some sleep.
I rolled back over, getting all situated and comfortable again, and was ready to let sleep claim me in order to escape from the thoughts racing through my mind. …That’s when she started to talk again.
“…So what made you change your mind?”
I really didn’t want to discuss this with her or anyone just yet… But since I had my back to her, and she couldn’t see me… I let a little smile creep onto my lips.
“Oh, nothing… just a random change of heart, I suppose.”
“With you? There has to be something more.”
“Okay then, how about you tell me where you got that rose that’s sitting on the table over there?”
“Goodnight, Momo-chan!”
Haha, good night, Risako.