@kokoiscute: Trying won't hurt! Deadline is October 1st, there is still time if you finally decide to participate Again, sorry for the slightly late update here. Prepare yourselves for a long read! Entry #11Title: Yesterday’s Road To Eternity
Main Character(s)/Pairing(s): Itano Tomomi, Kasai Tomomi; TomoTomo
Word Count: 10981
Yesterday’s Road To Eternity
The room is white, plain and sterile. With barely any decorations or furniture, it is a simple and depressing room. Even with my deteriorated sense of smell, I can detect the strong scent of disinfectant and sickness. You would think that a hospital would make their rooms more… welcoming.
But then again, I guess a hospital isn’t the happiest place on Earth. They wouldn’t particularly be sending the right message if they paint their white walls pink, change their beige duvets to flower patterned covers and squirt apple perfume around the wards. A hospital is indeed not a happy place.
At least, not for me.
- - - - - - - - - -
I stare at the large ventilator in the corner, with all the wires connecting to the sleeping body, the only feature to the room that made it seem less miserable. Indeed, the beeping machine made the room become rather futuristic. Taking my gaze away from the constantly pumping machine, I focus on the tiny body, her porcelain skin almost transparent as the fluorescent lights shine down on us. Able to easily see her pale blue veins and with all the tubes intertwined with her system, she almost looks like a cyborg. A perfectly preserved being that could last forever; that just needed to be recharged. And after her batteries reached 100%, she would jump back to life, letting us return to our daily lives.
However, I know that this isn’t true. She isn’t a robot that can live for eternity. She is just human. And all humans have an expiry date.
Nothing can bring Tomomi back to life.
-
I sit quietly as the doctor explains your current condition. Hearing it all before, I just stare at you, wishing you would wake up and tell the doctor to be quiet for me. I almost smile, practically hearing your sappy voice whining at the man, whinging until you got what you wanted, like always. Then, when he left, we would grin at each other and we would escape with your wheelchair. I would push you out of the synthetic hospital, past the busy nurses and doctors, out of the doors and through the blooming gardens, until we were free. And while we do this, with our remaining adrenaline pumping, I would be able to hear your laugh once more, harmonising with mine.
Yet, your voice doesn’t sound and I am forced to sit silently through his lecture.
While the doctor rambles on, I begin to think about our past. Reminiscing of the days we met and the days we parted, the infinite memories that we created together, brings a melancholic smile to my face. I remember it all as if it only happened yesterday.
- - - - - - - - - -
Rushing past the hurrying students, I sprint to the high school playground, the spring air drying my throat. When I arrive, as expected, there is an ocean of people in front of the notice board. Going to the back of the herd of noisy girls, I skim past the colourful heads, walking along until I see the second year section.
Even though I totally dread having to do this, with a deep breath, I dive in. Bending down and pushing past, I make my way through the hot and stuffy channels of females. Ignoring the brief exclaims and complaints, and enduring the sharp elbows and hurtful knees. Time passes slowly as I swim through the different limbs. Sweaty and slightly disorientated, I consider how much further I would have to go. Then, through the gaps of girls’ legs, I see the light. With a final dash forward, I explode out of the crowd. With a deep breath of fresh air, I cheer in silent triumph at being in front of the huge mob.
I stare up at the large board, searching for my name within the jungle of names.
Itano Tomomi…Itano Tomomi…“We’re not in the same class! How could this be?”
I jump with shock at the sound of the loud whine next to me. Incredulously turning to the side, I see the girl with the voice that I easily recognise, the unique pitch imprinted onto my brain. I grin at her, everything around us fading as I focus on my best friend; Kasai Tomomi. The girl that I have known for over half of my entire life. And the girl who nearly made me wet myself.
Calming down from the initial shock at my best friend’s arrival, I ask, “What?”
“Look!”
Concentrating my gaze on the direction of her pointed finger, among the mass of names, I see my name under Class 2-C and just across, I see Tomomi’s name, in Class-D. My eyes widen with initial shock. This will be the first time we will be in separate classrooms and a sort of loneliness starts. However, I expected this, being in an extremely large high school and so I shove aside the lonesomeness. Besides, it was about time we weren’t together 24/7.
I smile, watching the bemoaning expression on the girl’s face. “Calm down Tomo, you’re only the next class along.” I soothe.
I watch with amusement as Tomomi’s melodramatically threw her arms into the air, suddenly hanging onto my right shoulder with despair. “But it’s not the same!” she cries. “I won’t be able to stare at Tomo-chin’s concentrated face or her unsure face or-”
“Okay, I get it.” I say, my cheeks beginning to heat up at her description of attention. Although I also knew all of Tomomi’s expressions, having witnessed them all enough times, embarrassment still projects through me at the voicing of her personal knowledge of me.
Brushing Tomomi off, I try to ignore her sniffling. However, even though tears appear in Tomomi’s eyes as often as I eat rice, they still affect me. So, I wrap a single arm around Tomomi’s quivering shoulders.
“Let’s go to class. And then I’ll treat you to something at lunch.”
As soon as I finish, Tomomi looks up at me with a beaming smile, making my chest flutter with surprise.
“Okay! Let’s go!”
I shake my head in disbelief. This girl could be an actress. However, even as she drags me forcefully in the direction of our respective classrooms, I can only smile as her warmth envelops me like a cosy blanket.
- - - - - - - - - -
I stare down at the playground from the rooftop, placing my empty lunch bow at the ledge. The spring breeze is calming, the afternoon almost relaxed, much unlike this morning. Observing the tiny figures move around, I wonder how the first years are getting on. I remember my first day being hectic and frightening. With a new school, new people and new learning criteria, it was daunting. If it wasn’t for Tomomi, I don’t know how I would have survived. Suddenly, a rush of pity washes over me and I feel sorry for most of the first years. Not everyone can have someone like Tomomi.
“Are you going to continue Dance Club Tomo-chin?” I hear Atsuko call from behind me.
I turn to face her, giving a nod. Atsuko, Takamina, Mii-chan, Mariko, Haruna, Yuko and Tomomi continue their conversation about clubs, while my body is abruptly beckoned by the call of nature.
“Just need to go to the bathroom.” I state, not bothered if they heard me or not.
Quickly jogging down the stairs, I head to the bathroom.
-
Flushing the toilet and relieved of the painful pressure of my bladder, I am about to unlock the door, when I hear the loud chatter of people entering. I don’t know why, but I pause. From the voices, I recognise that there are two people. I hear the sound of conversation and washing of hands. I don’t understand why but instinctively I stop to listen for a moment. And as my intuition must have suspected, I suddenly hear one of the girls say my name.
“What do you think of Itano-san?”
Why are they asking about me?“She seems pretty nice. I wouldn’t mind getting to know her since this is the first time we’ve been in the same class.”
My ears perk at her response and despite my situation, I grin at the compliment.
“But… don’t you think Itano-san is close to Kasai-san?”
My smile instantly disappears. My heart drops and squeezes with discomfort as I hear Tomomi’s name. Confusion fills me at the association with us. Of course I am close with Tomomi; she is my best friend after all. Irritation suddenly develops at their audacity to gossip about us and my hand is on the door handle before I know it. However I halt as the girl, who said wanted to be my friend, defends me and Tomomi.
“Yeah, they are friends after all.”
She is definitely becoming my friend.“I mean
too close.” emphasises the other. “As in, more than friends.”
All air escapes me as the surprise settles itself in my brain.
More than friends? What did this mean?Tomomi is nothing more than my best friend. There is nothing more. An odd and uncomfortable sensation tingles through me and all I want to do is rush out. I don’t want to hear anymore. Yet, my body remains tense, unable to move. All I can do is listen and hope that the friendly girl would defend me once more.
“No way.” she mutters. “But that’s… so gross. They can’t be together.” she unreservedly retorts.
I try to control my breathing as I turn cold.
Please stop.A self-loathing impresses itself on me, even though I’m not sure why.
“But they are always together. During breaks, during lunch, to and from school, and probably after school they are always together. And when they aren’t, they’re always talking about each other. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Kasai-san talk about anyone else other than Itano-san. And she’s in my class.”
“That is true…”
“And they’re always linking arms or holding hands. Don’t you think that’s strange if they are just friends? I mean, we don’t do that. At least, not every day.”
“I guess so… Maybe they really are together… That’s so wrong.”
“Tell me about it.” she finishes with a disgusted tone. “Oh we better hurry, the bell is about to ring.”
Light footsteps exit the bathroom and fade away. However, even when they are completely gone, I cannot move. With one hand clamping my mouth shut and the other holding the door to keep it shut even though I know it’s locked, I silently let the unexplainable tears roll down my face.
-
Washing my face, I stare at my reflection. I sigh at the red eyes, biting my lip with aggravation. Suddenly the bell rings, signalling the end of lunch. Shaking my head, I take my handkerchief out of my pocket, about to wipe my face. However, as I pat my face dry, I stare at the tiny cloth. Peach coloured, with cherries dotting the surface. A handmade gift from Tomomi. I gaze at it, in mid-air as I press it against my cheek. Suddenly, a conflicting emotion surges through me and angrily I shove the handkerchief back into my pocket.
Storming out of the bathroom, I blindly make my way to the classroom. With my desperate pace, it isn’t long before I reach the classroom corridor.
“Tomo-chin!”
Her voice grips my heart, the pain almost crippling. Though I normally would turn to her immediately, I don’t. Instead I quicken my steps, keeping my head down and try to mentally block the brash voice. However, I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder, halting me. I know instantly it is Tomomi. Even though I wish I could carry on, I can’t. I can attempt to ignore Tomomi’s voice, but I can’t ignore her touch. However, I don’t to dare to look at her, unable to bear the pressure.
“What took you so long?” brightly asks Tomomi. “I was waiting for ages. The others even left Chiyuu alone.”
Extremely aware of her touch and feeling the stares of the passing students, my control breaks.
“Let go of me!”
I thrash my arm out of Tomomi’s hold, anger preaching its wrath upon me. With the violent move, I find myself staring at Tomomi’s shocked face. Honestly, even I am shaken by my rash action, but her touch and those presuming stares were burning me. However, after the initial shock, Tomomi’s face becomes one of concern.
“What’s wrong Tomo-chin?” asks Tomomi, her voice embedded with worry, making my heart ache further. She edges a bit closer as I don’t give a response. “Have you been crying?”
I stiffen, my hand nearly reaching up to touch under my eyes. Snippets of the conversation that made me behave this way sound in my head and I remember why this is wrong. I can’t go through it again. Those days in elementary schoolm when no one would even acknowledge me, to the extent that I almost forgot how to talk. I can’t be ignored again.
“No!” I crossly spit.
Then, beyond my gaze of Tomomi, I see the quickly growing crowd. I pick up on the hushed whispers, my body prickling with their judging stares. And amongst the excited, curious and insensitive mutterings, I catch a sentence that pushes me off the wall.
“A lovers’ tiff?”
With fear, I glance at the direction of the cutting statement and see two girls, glaring at me with repulsion.
Were they the two?However, surrounding us are other girls wearing similar expressions; presumptuously assessing and condemning. Like a trapped animal, I don’t know what to do and this feeling of incapability and hopelessness makes me even more afraid and panicked.
“Tomo-chin…”
I return my attention to Tomomi and wish I hadn’t. Immediately, along with the other chaotic sentiments, guilt joins them when I see the welling eyes of Tomomi. Much different from the crocodile tears, her eyes are reflecting so much hurt and uncertainty that I am forced to look away.
“I can’t do this anymore.” I pitifully force out and I walk away, trying to not meet any off the audience’s eyes as I enter the sanctuary of my classroom. I’ve made up my mind. I’m a deserter.
“Tomo-chin, wait!” I hear Tomomi cry, which makes the tears easily swell, flooding my pupils.
However, I do not stop and soon I hear the yells of the teachers, telling everyone to get to class. And though it hasn’t even been a minute, I already feel a dark void in my chest.
- - - - - - - - - -
Days pass and it is another end of another dreadful day. I lay my head on my crossed arms placed on the desk, my usual position these days.
“I haven’t seen Tomomi around.” I hear Atsuko address me.
I don’t answer her. My will to do anything has left me, leaving me irritable, unbothered and plain unpleasant. I know this. But I can’t help it. I just can’t be bothered anymore.
“You know, if you did something, you should apologise.”
“I didn’t do anything.” I quietly mutter, turning my head to face the blank wall. This is better than having to look at Atsuko’s disappointed expression. I hear her sigh, which makes me feel more inferior than I already am. I’m already guilty enough with what I did to Tomomi.
Only a day after did I realise how foolish I was. The void that I felt quickly enlarged and I realised that if it wasn’t for Tomomi, I would still be friendless. Now, because of my useless fear, I lost the closest friend I could possibly have. I didn’t care about the rumours or judgement. I just wanted my best friend back. However, no matter how many times I call, text, email, she ignores me. Tomomi has not come looking for me either. In fact, I don’t think I’ve even seen a glimpse of her. Even though she is only next door, approaching her was far more difficult that I thought it would be. When I go to school, I don’t see Tomomi. When there are breaks, she is never there when I go to the class. At lunch, she disappears and doesn’t even have lunch with the others anymore. When it is the end of the day, I dash to her classroom, but even though she is only next door, she is already gone. And the one time that I went to her house, knowing her parents would be at work, she completely dismissed my shouts. That night I was made to walk home in the coldest spring nights I have experienced, and I know it’s because I was without the person who always shared her warmth with me.
However, I deserve it.
“You should talk to her. Make it right Tomo-chin.” Atsuko says. “No matter what you did, if she loves you, she’ll forgive you.”
My stomach jumps and I bolt upright. Yet, Atsuko is already gone.
What did she mean by ‘love’? Yes I love Tomomi, but as a friend. Surely that was what Atsuko meant. No way does this anxiety, terror and unfathomable yearning has anything to do with love. There is no way.
Yet I know it my heart, no matter how much I may deny it, I know it is the truth. Sometimes Atsuko knows my true self better than me.
However, my comprehension may have occurred too late. Tomomi may never talk to me again.
-
The night is cold and desolate as before. I gaze up at the house that is only five minutes away from mine. I can see Tomomi’s room window, the white curtains lightened by the buttery bedroom light. She is probably studying or watching one of the TV dramas. She probably isn’t thinking about me.
I glance at the gate, which is usually open for me. However, like the other day, it is locked. Shaking the tiny pebbles in my palm, I take one into my other hand. Aiming roughly, I throw it at Tomomi’s window. I miss. Trying again, I take another pebble and throw. I miss again. A sigh of aggravation escapes me. I throw another. It… misses again. I release a small cry of infuriation at my poor sporting skills and at this situation. Balling the rest of the pebbles in my fist, I throw back my arm and toss them at the window.
To my surprise, most of them hit the window. Suddenly I see the shadow appear behind the curtain and I have the urge to run. However, I stay still, waiting for Tomomi to reveal herself. And she does, quickly pulling back the curtain with a guarded appearance. I see her eyes widen when she sees me and our eyes lock for the first time in what feels like forever. Even from this distance I can see the sorrow in her gaze, and I expect her to close the curtains on me. However, she doesn’t. I see Tomomi fiddle with her window lock and throw it open.
We stare at each other in silence. To be honest, I don’t have a speech prepared. I was expecting my plan to fail and that I would go home alone again. However, now that Tomomi is actually listening, I don’t know what to say, and Tomomi remains quiet.
“I’m sorry.” I call, the only words that form in my head.
However, Tomomi waits, persisting to say nothing. I think of words to say, searching my apparently non-existent vocabulary.
“Please forgive me.” I shout, not caring if the neighbours will yell at me to quieten down. “I’ll do anything.”
Tomomi continues to stare at me, but this time with a hesitant gaze. And just as I think Tomomi is going to say something, she closes the window and the curtains. All my optimism is gone and replaced by despair.
How could I be so naïve?Of course Tomomi wouldn’t forgive me so easily. I was cruel and unreasonable. It was senseless to think that anyone would forgive me for what I did, especially to my best friend. Well, I hope she is.
I am about to leave when I am slightly blinded by the bright glow erupting from the opened door. I see Tomomi stand at the doorway, and giving me a vague glance; she steps outside and opens the gate. I watch her, while she avoids my gaze. When the gate is opened, she heads inside first, and I quickly follow. This is my chance and I don’t want to lose sight of her.
Closing the front door, making sure it is locked, I enter the living room. I stop at the doorway, seeing Tomomi sitting on the couch. She glimpses at me, then to the empty space next to her. Cautiously, I sit next to her, never having felt so nervous and timid around Tomomi since the first day I met her.
“Tell me why you did it.”
As usual, Tomomi is direct. I try to settle my uneasy heart, sorting out my words carefully. I shift my eyes to her, making sure she is looking at me. Tomomi is. This gives me the courage that I need to begin.
“That day… I was being stupid and scared and… I don’t know. I just didn’t want people to presume about us…me. I didn’t want them to judge me. I didn’t want them to think that we were together. I didn’t want them to say our relationship was something else, when even I don’t know what it is.”
Overcoming the unsteadiness and disconcertion of my speech, I begin to go with the flow.
“But after all this, when you weren’t there, I thought properly of how I feel. In these few days, I’ve missed you so much. Tomomi, you are the one person I need. You are the one that lifted me when I was down, you were the one that saved me when we were little, and you were the one that talked to me, hugged me, loved me and if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be who I am today. You make my life worth living and I just… I love you. I love you so much.”
Finally, I confess what I truly feel. The fear that I felt when I heard the girls talking about us was not because of the judgements of our relationship. I didn’t care about the others. At least, after thinking about it, it wasn’t about everyone else. I was just terrified Tomomi would discover that I was harbouring this unconventional and conspicuous love and that she would hate me. I can bear the weight of everyone else’s hatred, but Tomomi’s would be crushing.
“So, please don’t leave me.” I quietly finish, pleading, as I stare at her.
Her expression is surprised and dubious. This is expected. However, it soon transforms into one of relief and tearful happiness. This is truly unexpected.
“All I ever wanted was for you to love me back.”
I stare at her, my ability to speak now subdued again. Tomomi suddenly brings me into her tender embrace. Immediately I am enveloped in the familiar and comfortable warmth that only Tomomi can produce. An immense sense of relief engulfs me and I feel my supressed tears finally overflow. This is what I’ve wished for in my dreams. This is all I need. Just to be Tomomi’s forever.
Feeling Tomomi moving back, I tighten my grip. Not yet. I don’t want to let go just yet. It could too easily be a dream, and if it was, I just want it to last a bit longer.
Nevertheless, Tomomi pulls back again and this time I release her. She stares at me, while I return the attentive gaze, hypnotised by the brown orbs.
“I love you too.”
I think my heart is going to burst. The words that I’ve heard many times from Tomomi’s mouth have never touched me so much. And before I know it, her lips are on me.
Soft, luscious and mine. My eyes blissfully close, my heart fluttering. We take turns catching each other’s bottom lips, endlessly tasting each other. I breathe in her breath, swallowing, just so part of her could be absorbed and become part of my existent. Before long, her arms are around my neck and mine are grasping her back. I don’t want this to ever end.
In this bliss, we don’t hear the door unlock and the sound of approaching steps.
“Tomomi we’re back. Did you miss-”
I feel Tomomi freeze against me and I too do the same. I open my eyes and look at the terrified expression that is covering the one I adore. Frightfully I force my head to turn, and I am met with Tomomi’s parents, wearing the most horrified expression I have ever seen.
-
“Papa, please!”
I stand in the middle of the living room, facing the ferocious and towering figure that is Tomomi’s father while Tomomi’s mother holds back her daughter.
“That is enough!” he bellows, making another bullet of fear shoot through me.
“Please Sir, understand, I lo-”
A gasp is forced out of me when a hand slaps me across the face so strongly that it felt like a brick. My ears ring, the vibrations from the blow spreading from my head, down my spine. Cupping my stricken face, I stare at Mr Kasai. Even though I am a woman, he is unforgiving, glaring at me with livid animosity. The pulsing pain quickly brings tears to my eyes and I already feel my cheek begin to swell.
“Honey!” exclaims Mrs Kasai. “She is only a girl!”
“I do not care!” he furiously retorts. “This…
thing is not a woman. And I do not want her dragging my daughter into the depths of her misguidedness and to lead her down this disgusting path.”
Behind Mr Kasai, I see Tomomi struggling, tears dripping down her chin, crying out at her father to stop.
“Leave. I no longer want to see you here ever again.” he instructs, and when he leans down he adds with a hiss, “And do ever go near Tomomi or I’ll really show you what I do to people like you.”
Another stab of terror wrenches into me and I retreat, quickly leaving the house, compelling myself not to look back. My illusion is shattered and I am facing the cruel reality of our situation. As if our parents would actually allow such a taboo relationship. I already see my parents’ reaction, matching Tomomi’s parents, their disappointment and anger depressing me further.
As I walk in the bitter cold, even though my cheek is in excruciating pain, Mr Kasai’s words echo in my head, hurting me far worse than his slap.
-
I lay on my bed, attempting to fall asleep. After crying for a few hours, my body is exhausted and all I want to do is sleep the pain away. Except, the mattress feels uncomfortable as I lay on my back, not accustomed to sleeping in this position. However, my cheek is sensitive and stinging, causing me not to be able to lie on either side, as it intensifies the throbbing. So I am forced to keep as still as possible, in the position you would lay a corpse in a coffin.
Suddenly I jump as I hear the sound of tapping on my window. I quietly hiss as my cheeks throbs at the sudden movement, but I stand to investigate. Opening the curtains and seeing the early hours of late spring, I see a minimised figure standing in front of our gate. My eyes widen when I realise it is Tomomi, frantically waving at me. Hesitantly I raise my hand in a makeshift wave, and I quickly open the window.
“Tomo-chin!” I immediately hear her cry.
Making a shushing gesture, looking behind me to check if my parents had awoken and about to enter my room, I shift my attention back to Tomomi.
“What are you doing?” I harshly whisper. “Your father will kill us if he finds out you’re here.”
“Who’s going to tell him?” she returns. “Just let me in.”
With an uncertainty, I nod. If Tomomi is brave enough to make this daring move to see me, the least I can do is let her into the house.
Carefully rushing downstairs, I watchfully open the door and allow Tomomi into the house. When I close the door, immediately I am engulfed into a hug, the coldness of Tomomi’s puffy jacket briefly shocking me.
How long has she been outside?However, just as suddenly the embrace began, I am freed.
“Let’s run away.”
With astonishment, I stare at Tomomi’s excited and eager face. Then, I realise that Tomomi is dressed warmly and carrying a large rucksack and handbag. I am about to question Tomomi’s motive, going to convince her that this is a ridiculous idea. However, my cheek suddenly pulsates and Mr Kasai’s angry face flashes in my mind. This makes me hesitate and I focus again on Tomomi’s anticipating grin.
The next thing I know, I am in my room packing my things.
- - - - - - - - - -
The scent of mould and damp blends into the wonderful scent of the cup noodles as I pour in the boiled water from the old kettle. Placing the worn chopsticks over the lids of both noodles, I trod back to the other room, the only room other than the tiny bathroom and the almost non-existent kitchen, feeling the tatty carpet on my bare feet. Hopping onto the single bed of the shabby one room apartment, I hold Tomomi against me, who was previously sitting on the bed scouring through the job section of the local newspaper.
“Anything?” I ask.
“No.” she replies. “Most of them require at least a high school level education and those that don’t are looking for experienced drivers.”
With a sigh, Tomomi folds the newspaper, tossing it aside. She leans against me, holding my arms around her stomach like a safety rail.
“I miss home.” she mutters.
My heart twinges and I can’t help but agree in my head. However, what do you expect when you don’t really have a plan.
That morning, we just got on the first bus that arrived, hopped off at the last stop and looked for the cheapest hotel. We carried enough money and clothes to get us by the week, but it was tough, especially when it came to ignoring all the phone calls and listening to the angry and distressed messages of our parents. It wasn’t the most comfortable life, but we have each other and that has gotten us through.
However, nowadays, even with careful spending, we lack money and are beginning to grow hungry. Plus, our wearable clothes are dwindling, closely driving us to spend the little money we have to wash them. Yet, I can’t bear to go back because if we do, we will surely be forced to separate. Furthermore, with Mr Kasai’s job, Tomomi’s family could easily move, making it definite that we wouldn’t be able to see each other. And that is a fate that I do not want.
“I know you do. But… just a few more days.” I say.
After a moment, I feel Tomomi’s head nod against my chest and a smile plays on my lips. Gently tightening my hold around her stomach, I place a kiss on the top of her head, content.
- - - - - - - - - -
“Tomo-chin!”
I almost fall from the bed from shock. Unaware, Tomomi breathlessly rushes in, shaking her jacket from her body and throwing her shoes at the doorstep. I amusedly watch her dance around the small room, laughing at her ridiculously excited movements while being completely baffled. At last she faces me, a massive grin pasted across her mouth.
“There’s money in my account!” she yells, grabbing my hands and pulling me to my feet.
“What?” I ask, sure I misheard. I thought Tomomi had been cut off, after a few days of warnings from her father.
“Mama must have put it in!” she reasoned, continuing to celebrate by swinging my arms.
“How much is there?”
“¥125,000!”
Suddenly a burst of joy explodes from me. That is enough to last us for a few months! I give my own scream of happiness and I join Tomomi in a dance. Finally our days are starting to look bright.
- - - - - - - - - -
My eyes are heavy as I try to open them when I hear the front door unlock. However, my exhausted body does not agree with me and lulled by the unbelievably comfortable duvet and double bed, I soon feel myself quickly falling in the depths of sleep.
However that is short-lived when I feel the mattress sink from the newly arrived body. Wearily opening one eye, I see Tomomi smiling down at me, her hand lightly brushing the messy stands from my half snuggled face.
“Don’t you need to get ready?” she asks, blithely pulling down the duvet from my face.
After revealing my lips, Tomomi leans down and kisses them, leaving a warmness in my chest. With a moan, I stretch and sit up.
“So how was work today?” I inquire, leaning my head lazily against the headboard.
“Another usual day at the restaurant.” she replies, carelessly sprawling across the bed and over my covered legs. “The cook was so harsh today.” Tomomi complains into the blanket.
I grin. “Well you are his apprentice so he has to teach you correctly.”
Tomomi shoots me a defiant look. “Aren’t you supposed to be my girlfriend? You’re meant to be on my side.”
“I am.” I smirk. “Just not in the way you expected.”
Tomomi just rolls her eyes. That just makes my smile broaden and a contented affection blooms within my heart. However before I can relish this moment of tranquillity any further, as Tomomi said before, I need to get up.
“Right, I need to have a shower.” I announce, playfully slapping Tomomi’s firm buttocks.
With a yelp she rolls over, giving me the chance to get up. Giggling at Tomomi’s flustered pout; I don’t notice her get up too. Then, she is holding my arm, mischievously smirking.
“I also need a shower.” she proclaims.
“I need to go first.” I impishly return.
A leering glint appears in Tomomi’s eyes before she leans to closer to my face. “Well then, why don’t we have a shower together?”
I stare at the beaming vixen feeling the rush of adrenaline run through my body, awakening my inner beast. “I like your thinking.”
I grab her body and we friskily drag her inside. More giggles erupt from us as we both enter the bathroom, closing the door behind us, blocking out the world.
-
When I slip on my socks, I begin to feel the bed stir. I glance to my left, seeing Tomomi’s disordered hair border her beautiful face.
“You’re going now?” Tomomi sleepily questions, her eyes just opening as slits.
I smile at her adorableness. “Yeah, today’s my shift at the bar.”
“Okay. Be careful. I don’t want any unruly men touching my Tomo-chin.” Tomomi warns, even though she is in the midst of extreme drowsiness.
A sense of delight always materialises in me when I hear Tomomi’s loving cautions. With an affirmative, I lean down and routinely leave a kiss on her forehead and a peck on her pursed lips, before I get up.
“I’ll see you in the morning.”
With a hum of understanding, Tomomi is back to sleep and with a lingering gaze, I head out to another night of work.
- - - - - - - - - -
The warm spring breeze passes through the open flower gardens. The sun is setting and the disappearing rays highlight the casually dancing clouds circling above the park. We walk side by side, our hands connected, enjoying the remaining hours of the day.
“This has been such a wonderful day.” speaks Tomomi. “First the romantic dinner, then the picnic in the flower gardens and then the boat ride across the lake. It has been just perfect.”
I smile, proudness building in me at my surprise celebration. “Well it is our five year anniversary. So I wanted to treat my beautiful and perfect girlfriend to the best day ever.”
Tomomi’s smile is as stunning as the sunset behind her and I revel in this satisfaction. Five years we’ve been together, yet it only feels as if it’s been a week. Five years is only a short time when it comes to infinity; the amount to which I will continue to love Tomomi.
She kisses my cheek and the usual blush presents itself on my cheeks. Tomomi skips ahead, happily dancing through the spitting water, the fountain lights outshined by her presence. Her melody of a laugh sings to me and I just watch over her as she dodges the momentary columns of water that sprout up from the floor. However, as I contently observe, it doesn’t take my mind off the momentous question I am about to ask. I nervously put my hand into my pocket and lightly touch the box at the bottom.
The small box that contained our future.
The box that contained the personally designed platinum engagement ring.
- - - - - - - - - - -
I pace apprehensively, up and down the large bedroom, fiddling with the waist of my silk and satin white dress.
“Nervous?” asks Atsuko, sitting relatively calm on the bed, my maid of honour.
“Of course I’m nervous!” I exclaim. “My heart is pounding, my palms are sweating and I swear every five minutes I feel like I’m going to throw up.”
“Sounds more like you’re pregnant.” she mutters.
I shoot her a glare, while continuing to pace. It is amazing that I haven’t tripped on the lengthy and expensive material. I knew that this was coming since the moment Tomomi accepted my proposal. But I never thought I would be this frightful. Though I know for definite this is what I want, as I wait, ridiculous situations start to pop into my head.
What if Tomomi runs away? What if she says no? What if someone objects? What if someone kidnaps Tomomi during the ceremony and I never see her again? What if-Suddenly there is a knock at the door and I freeze. My heart bolts up into my throat, clogging my saliva. With a churning stomach, I watch the door open and see Shinobu peek in.
“You ready?” she asks.
I glance at Atsuko, who confidently smiles, before standing and hooking my arm around hers.
“We’re ready.”
With a nod, Shinobu disappears and I feel Atsuko begin to lead me. Nervous and fearful, I simply follow her steps, allowing her to guide me because I don’t think I can walk on my own. I hear the organ piano begin to play the wedding march. My heart is still stuck in my throat, and when we enter the ceremony hall, my chest tightens when I see the eyes of our friends and colleagues. Keeping my eyes forward, Atsuko guides me down the aisle as I am surrounded by the sounds of awe. It seems like forever before we reach the front pedestal. Leaving me next to the priest, Atsuko gives me an encouraging nod before she disappears behind me to the side. With a deep inhale through my nose, I fretfully wait for Tomomi to arrive.
Then, when I hear the sounds of awe again, I turn and I freeze. As soon as I see Tomomi, I am stunned.
It is as if time has slowed. Everything fades away and all I can see is Tomomi’s beaming grin and the twinkle in her eyes that I have never seen. With each step Tomomi takes down the long aisle, the glowing white dress falls flawlessly behind her. No words can describe how beautiful Tomomi is today. She is simply breath-taking.
When Tomomi steps onto the platform, across me, she nods to Shinobu who gives her a heartening thumbs up before she moves to the other side behind Tomomi, opposite Atsuko. She smiles at me and all my anxieties vanish. This is all I want. To be Tomomi’s forever.
The priest begins and my attention on his words gradually fazes. I only focus on the woman who I sincerely worship with my entire heart, soul and body. This reality feels unreal and I can’t help but want to pinch myself just to make sure this isn’t some wonderful dream. This sense of security and oneness that I have never felt before is like an illusion. However, it is real and this is meant to be.
“Now for the brides’ vows. Itano-san.”
Inhaling a shaky breath I take Tomomi’s gloved hands into my own, feeling the thin lace contrast against my bare skin.
“Kasai Tomomi. Ever since I met you, I knew that you would be my best friend. When you first transferred to our school, you didn’t see me as the strange quiet girl. You saw deeper than that and extended your hand to me. That day you accepted me for who I was. You were my first friend and will forever be the closest person to me.” I take another shaky breath and continue, feeling my nose start to tingle, warning me of the oncoming tears. “I can never really express to you how much I love you or how much I need you or how grateful I am to you, but by this marriage I hope to spend every day trying. Tomo I love you and I will love you for all eternity.”
I sniff in my tears and I smile. Tomomi sniffs as well and I see her smile with the glittering trails on her gorgeous face. She squeezes my hand reassuringly and pushes out the tears that have been teasing my eyes.
“Kasai Tomomi.” indicates the priest.
Breathing in, Tomomi gazes into my eyes.
“Itano Tomomi. The first day I laid eyes on you, I knew that I loved you. Every time you smile, laugh, cry, I want to be there with you. I want to be part of every moment. You’ve always supported me, even if my idea is dumb or I’m wrong, you are always there for me. When I’m scared or tired, you’re always there to see me through and pick me up. You are my pillar, my support, and without you, I can’t imagine who’ll I would be but I know I wouldn’t be happy. I’m so glad that you are part of my life and so much happier now that you are going to be my wife. You are my best friend, my soul-mate and the one who I want to be with forever. I love you more than words can describe. Tomo-chin, you are the one and only.”
Complete joy overcomes me and tears fully pour out of my eyes. However, it is the same for Tomomi and from the brief sniffs and whimpers, I can guess it is the same for some of the guests as well.
“Thank you for those beautiful vows. Now, can I have the rings?”
Takamina comes forward with the rings, quickly shooting us tearful smiles before retreating back to the side. We each are given a ring and as we slip on the rings on each other’s delicate finger, I can’t help but think this is perfect. As if my hand was designed for this moment, to hold Tomomi’s ring.
“Do you, Itano Tomomi, take Kasai Tomomi as your lawful wedded wife?”
I gaze into Tomomi’s glistening eyes.
“I do.”
“And do you, Kasai Tomomi, take Itano Tomomi as your lawful wedded wife?”
I have never seen her just look so… happy.
“I do.”
“By the power vested in me, I pronounce you wife and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”
Closing my eyes, I lean forward and we seal our binding promise to each other, with a loving kiss.
- - - - - - - - - -
It is a mixture of pink and white. There are small words on different parts, labelling the anatomy. Amongst the other items in the room, it rather stood out at me when we first entered. I stare at the model, bewildered.
It is a rather accurate replica of a woman’s vagina.
“You’re one doesn’t look like this.” I say, walking up to the hospital bed where my wife sat.
Propped up right by the bed, with her legs held open by the stirrups, Tomomi sits in her hospital gown. Tomomi simply shakes her head, but I see the small smile of amusement on her lips.
“Isn’t it strange that Acchan and I are pregnant?” Tomomi utters, changing the subject.
“Well we were trying at the same time so it’s a bit expected.” I answer, my head still looking around the room.
“Tomo-chin~”
Hearing Tomomi’s familiar whine, I sit down on the stool beside her.
“I’m sorry.” I smirk. “Yes Tomo, it really is strange. To think that Atsuko, who did the insemination around the same time as us, would be pregnant now is astounding.”
Tomomi playfully slaps my arm but she is grinning. I giggle, and out of the blue, the doctor enters. I quickly quieten down; though maintain the smile, welcoming the woman who has been taking great care of my pregnant wife.
“Sorry for the wait.” Dr Akimoto says. “So how are we?”
“Pretty good.” Tomomi replies. “Just starting to feel the morning sickness.”
“Well that is perfectly normal.” the obstetrician calmly replies. “Now, shall we take a look at you?”
Nodding, we observe as the doctor reveals Tomomi’s stomach and begins to squirt some sort of gel.
“Oh, that’s cold.” softly laughs Tomomi.
The doctor and I smile at her, but I sense apprehension coming from Tomomi and I. This is going to be our first sonogram and from the beginning of the day, we were quite nervous. We just wanted everything to go right.
Then with what seemed to look like a shop scanner, Dr Akimoto runs it over Tomomi’s faintly bulging belly. Suddenly, a moving image appears on the sonogram machine, the screen grainy, black and white. A pulsing can be heard, a sound exactly like the one Tomomi has whenever I place my head near her chest.
“That’s the heartbeat which sounds very healthy. And… this is your baby.”
I feel Tomomi holds my hand as we stare at the screen. The frozen image of a mass of grey and black. However, amongst the large area of blackness, I see the tiny, hazy, greyish blob. As I stare, I feel my eyes begin to water.
That is our baby. The tiny life that is soon to be ours.
“Would you like to know the sex?”
“You can tell us?” Tomomi gasps, squeezing my hand.
Tomomi looks at me and I excitedly nod. With a smile, Dr Akimoto announces that our baby is a girl. Even though I didn’t mind what gender our baby was, glee surges through me.
“I’ll leave you two alone for a moment.”
Dr Akimoto promptly exits the room and leaves us alone. Tomomi holds my hand tightly, both of us enclosed in our own silent bubble. We don’t need to say anything because we understand. That this moment is just ours and we are soon going to be a family.
“Isn’t she perfect?” whispers Tomomi.
“She is.” I quietly answer.
She truly is.
- - - - - - - - - -
Pushing open the door with my shoulder, I hurryingly enter the toasty house, placing the sodden bags of takeaway on the counter.
“I’m home.” I call. “And I brought you’re favourite take-away.”
Tomomi’s recent cravings including tossed salad smothered in vinegar, stir fried squid with extra onions and extremely spicy chilli grilled chicken breast, with a side of garlic bread. I can say for sure that it definitely not the best smell to sleep with, but Tomomi is the pregnant one and what she wants, she gets. And with today being my last shift of the week, I decided to treat her.
I shake of my jacket, the rain dripping off the waterproof material. “Tomo?” I holler again, throwing off my soaking shoes and peel off my waterlogged socks.
Entering our living room, I expect Tomomi to come gently paddling in, with her almost four month pregnant belly.
However, she doesn’t. I stop and realise just how quiet the house is. No television, no music, no sound of any movement. A terrible fear suddenly grips my heart and I dash through to the bedroom.
“Tomomi?” I yell.
As soon as I enter the room, I don’t see Tomomi on the bed as I wished. I look around the room, and to my absolute horror I see her feet peek out of the side of the bottom of the bed. I run to the side, my heart beating fifty times faster than normal. There, lying on the floor is my wife, unconscious. And just under her legs, I see the pool of blood.
“Tomomi!”
-
Rain continues to pour, relentless, unknowing or uncaring of the misfortunes that insignificant people suffer daily. And I am among them.
When I hear the sound of oncoming footsteps I look up and immediately am on my feet when I recognise it is Dr Akimoto.
“Is Tomomi okay?” I urgently demand. “How’s the baby?”
Instantly I notice the sorrowful demeanour and the deep frown that pastes itself of Dr Akimoto’s face. Immediately I want to run away, too cowardly to want to hear. However, my feet are grounded and I can’t move a muscle.
“I’m truly sorry to say this, but your wife has suffered from a miscarriage.”
My world comes crashing down and I collapse onto the unforgiving plastic chairs. My body is numb and my mind is blank. I see Dr Akimoto’s lips are moving but I don’t hear a word. In fact, I don’t hear anything. Not the rain, not my heart, not even the sound of my own breathing. Our dream bubble has popped and we are all that remains.
And I am the one that has to tell the one that I cherish more than anything, that we lost our baby.
- - - - - - - - - -
With the tray of easy to eat foods, I carefully enter the doorway of our bedroom. I sadly look on as Tomomi sits in her usual position on the bed, her arms crossed over her front, holding her now flat stomach. I feel my tears prick at my eyes, but I endure the pain. I have to be strong, for the both of us.
Taking a shaky inhale, I step forward.
“Tomomi I made you dinner.” I say, with a somewhat peppy tune. However she doesn’t even look at me, just staring blankly at the TV, which is off. Trying to seem indifferent, I place the tray on her stretched legs, even though my heart is trembling. “I made your favourite.”
Yet Tomomi still pays no heed. Just sitting, staring. I pick up the chopsticks and pick one of the finely cut fish pieces. I hold it to her mouth, but she doesn’t open. My hand starts to shake and I feel my lip begin to quiver. Biting my lip, I put the chopsticks back down.
“Please eat.” I softly beg.
Desperation is quick to build in me and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I pick up the tray and put it to the side. Not knowing what else to do, I lay back on the bed, next to Tomomi, copying her position. I stare at the TV, just as Tomomi is doing now and I place my hand on top of hers. I feel the familiar warmth, but it doesn’t heal my aching heart.
“I’m sorry Tomomi, it’s my fault.”
I didn’t take better care of you.Yet, once again, Tomomi doesn’t answer. My tears threaten to fall again and I can’t let Tomomi see. With a heavy sigh, I stand up.
“Stay.”
My head twists round as soon as I hear the sweet but exhausted voice. Tomomi is in the same position, however this time she is looking at me.
“Stay with me.”
Overcoming the initial shock, I rush to Tomomi’s side. This is the first time I’ve heard Tomomi’s voice in weeks that isn’t sobbing, whimpering or sleep talking. This is Tomomi.
Unable to hold back, I immediately bring Tomomi into an embrace. Holding her head against my chest, I frantically kiss the top of her head, not wanting to ever let go. In return, Tomomi wraps her arms around my waist, lying across me.
“She was ours.” I hear her softly mutter. However, I recognise the painful voice and know she is crying. “And… I lost her.”
I shush her gently, embracing her tighter, pressing her against me. I feel her weep against my chest, soaking my shirt. I wonder if Tomomi can feel the tears that drop on her hair or hear the sound of my heart breaking. Nevertheless, I don’t care. All I want to do is take away all of Tomomi’s pain and make it my own. But I am powerless. All I can do now is support her until she recovers.
I hold Tomomi until she falls asleep. However, even then I don’t let go, too terrified of the possibility that I’ll lose her too. So I continue to hold her, gently rocking her to and fro, promising never to let go. Humming the lullaby we would have sung to our baby daughter.
- - - - - - - - - -
Pulling on my jacket, I gaze behind me, wary of the fact that Tomomi is coming with me. I hesitate for a moment. It has been a few months now and I know that Tomomi has been getting better, eating her meals properly, going outside and even going back to the restaurant part-time. However, this is a massive step and I’m not sure if Tomomi can handle it.
“You don’t have to come.” I gently say, voicing my uncertainties. “I can just say you’re feeling unwell. They’ll understand.”
She gives me a brief look, before shaking her head. “Don’t be silly. I have to come for this.”
From the look, I knew that Tomomi was coming. I should have known. She is a tough woman, the toughest I know.
I give a curt nod, I let Tomomi go first and follow her outside to our car.
-
With me leading, we quietly enter the white hospital room. The cleanliness is almost blinding and our eyes take a second to adjust, but we go in.
“Hey you two.” calls Atsuko, as soon as we enter. “I’m glad you could come.”
I smile at Atsuko, who is lying on the bed. I turn back round to see Tomomi, and I notice her staring at the cot beside Atsuko. Atsuko must have noticed her gaze too because soon she is up on her feet, leaning into the cot. We stare with amazement as Atsuko suddenly stands, this time with a tiny bundle in her arms. Hesitantly, we make our way to Atsuko, standing on either side of her as she holds out her son. My eyes are immediately drawn as I gaze at the pale and miniature face of Atsuko. His high nose and pouty lips resemble Atsuko so much. I can’t help but feel my heart swell with elation and tears soon develop.
“Say hello Kai-kun. This is your Auntie Chiyuu and this is Auntie Tomo-chin.” we smile as Atusko’s soft voice introduces us. “They’re going to be your godparents.”
I freeze, and I feel Tomomi do the same. With wide eyes we gaze at Atsuko.
“Us?” Tomomi asks.
“Really?”
With a tender smile, Atsuko nods. “You can hold him if you like.”
At Atsuko’s bold words, I turn to Tomomi. However, unlike what I had expected, Tomomi is wearing a beaming smile. In a flash she is in the process of accepting the baby.
“He is adorable.” she coos, as Atsuko gently places the baby in Tomomi’s arms.
Immediately, Tomomi adapts to him and is rocking him gently. I watch with wonder as Tomomi softly bounces on her knees, holding the quiet baby against her. She begins to hum a melody that I instantly recognise. A sharp ache hits my chest, but I endure it. It is a pain that I have come to terms with, and though I know it will never quite go, I will become strong enough to go on with my life.
I walk around my wife, completely taken aback by her positive reaction. I sit beside Atsuko on the bottom of the hospital bed, observing the two as Tomomi fusses over Kai.
“How are you feeling?” I ask.
“Much better now that he’s out of me.” Atsuko huskily laughs, making me smile. “Just a bit tired.”
I nod an understanding.
“What about you?” she asks.
Honestly, I don’t know how to reply. It would be a lie if I said I was perfectly well, because I’m not. However, I am getting by, with Tomomi. And though it may be awhile before we are fine again, I know we will survive and perhaps soon will be happy once more.
“We’re getting there.” I answer and Atsuko accepts this with her own nod.
Suddenly, Tomomi is in front of me, holding Kai towards me. My eyes dart to Tomomi and Atsuko, as if asking permission. With their encouraging smiles, I hold out my arms and accept the tiny bundle. Immediately, as I hold him against my own body, the lightness surprising me, a sudden calmness fills me.
“Oh wow…” I hear myself whisper.
I stare at the tiny face and gently laugh when he gurgles and gently tosses before he finally settles back down.
“You’re a natural.” I hear Atsuko praise.
Bathing in the tranquillity, with my best friend on one side and my wife to the other, I silently cry. Through my tearful smile, I whisper a thank you and simply stare at the baby’s face that is new to this world.
- - - - - - - - - -
The old paper rustles in the spring breeze as I turn the book pages over with my wrinkled fingers. The porch swing rocks as the garden rustles and sounds their welcoming of the comfortable weather.
“Tomo-chin.” utters Tomomi to the side of me, her knitting needles clicking away.
“Yes?” I meekly answer.
“When did we get so old?”
I laugh, my voice husky and slightly out of breath. “I think after we hit 70 we officially became old.” I reply.
“I don’t want to be old.” she retorts. Even after all these years, Tomomi’s cute voice is the same, just with a bit of edge and a hint of croakiness.
“Why?” I ask, partly curious and partly humouring her.
“Because then we’ll have less time to spend together.”
I fall silent. The breeze blows through my greying hair and cooling my aged skin. I gaze at Tomomi as I find myself doing more often lately. Perhaps instinctively my mind knows that the end is coming and that it wants to savour the last moments, cherishing them until we in turn perish. However, with the fact that we are going to die laid out so barely, it makes me uncomfortable. I know that it is life and death is part of the cycle but I want this moment to last forever. I want us to last forever. And even though I know it won’t, I might as well try. At least we can treasure the present.
“Aren’t we together now?” I answer, pushing away the thoughts of the bleak future. “But…. I guess that isn’t enough.” I gaze at Tomomi, who looks as beautiful as ever, waiting for me to elaborate. “Okay, from now on we’ll do everything together. That means no cooking alone, no going out alone, no napping alone, no bathing alone…”
I trail off, the teasing suggestion making Tomomi’s eyes widen and a shy blush appear on her cheeks.
“Stop it you.” she raspingly giggles.
However, with a serious aura, I grab Tomomi’s hand. She stops and stares into me, as she always does.
“I mean it. Every moment of my life, I want to spend with you Tomomi.” I sincerely say, bringing her hands up to my chaste lips. “I love you.” And with that, I close my eyes and kiss the ring that bonds us with our promise to each other.
I glance up at Tomomi to discover her gazing at me with an enamoured expression, that I am sure is reflecting my own. Her eyes are shining and with a smile she whispers the words that I will never tire listening to.
“I love you too.”
- - - - - - - - - -
I lightly stroke the leathery skin of your ghostly arm with my fingertips and like every time I touch you, a warmth fills me, even if your actual skin is cold to the touch. However, this time the warmth is quickly replaced by anxiousness and sorrow.
I grasp your hand, careful with the IV drip, and hold it to my forehead.
Please wake up.I continue to chant this phrase over and over, keeping your still hand against my forehead. I don’t know why I think this would be any better than actually speaking. However after days of non-successful tactics to wake you, I am willing to try anything.
So I continue to chant, wishing that perhaps with my telepathy, your eyes would open.
Yet, after an hour of chanting, you don’t stir. Not even a twitch of your fingers. Even so, I don’t give up because I am afraid that if I stop, you would truly disappear. So, as if my internal voice was binding to your soul, I continue chanting, keeping you grounded. Even as the despair builds inside me and overflows as tears, I continue. Perhaps my sanity is finally diminishing, but I don’t care.
Just one more time. I want to hear your voice just one more time.
“Tomo…chin…”
My eyes snap open, lightly sprinkling the salty crystals across my skin. My eyes lock on yours. Even with the deep wrinkles around your tired and partially sedated eyes, I still see the kind spark that made me love you. My aged hands hold onto your hand tighter, now truly afraid to let go. I don’t know if this is a dream, but if it is, I don’t want to wake up.
“Tomo…” I whisper.
I silently gasp when I see you smile, the same grin that makes my elderly heart flutter. I bite my lip as I try to keep my tears from cascading.
“Do you have to go?” I mutter, surrendering to the unavoidable tears.
“Yes.” you answer, giving the tiniest of nods, maintaining that flawless smile of yours.
I suddenly feel the gentlest of squeezes as I hold your hand. Forcing a smile through the terrain of tears, I hold your hand against my cheek. Lightly you cup it, and even I can sense the struggle with your last ounce of strength.
“I… love you.”
A sob escapes me and I know the evitable is coming. I just hold your hand against my cheek, sobbing as I look down at you fading away.
“Tomomi…I love you…I love you so much.”
You beam and we just smile at each other until, with one final glance, your eyes close. Another choking sob erupts from me and I hold your hand tightly, unable to let go even when it goes limp.
And when the machine sounds an endless bleep, I know you have joined the angels in heaven, to live a new eternity.