Ten Unfortunate Names
Have mercy, expectant parents, and don't name your kids any of the following:
Sarah Connor - Just imagine being listed in the phone book and fielding calls at 3 a.m. from yahoos demanding in robotic "Ahnold" voices, "IS THIS SAR-AH CON-OR?"
Adolph Hitler - Probably there's no one left with this name, but imagine trying to get elected even Second Assistant Deputy Undersecretary of Slug Mucous with this appearing on the ballot.
David Jones - Gym class locker assignments might be a difficult time.
Bruce Wayne - You'd probably have developed a venomous hatred of Batman by the time the 2,386th prank caller hollers "TO THE BATCAVE, ROBIN!" in your ear. Having neighbors refer to your trailer as "stately Wayne manor" would also probably grate.
Jack Schitt - At least all your friends could say they know you.
Lucifer - Somewhere, most likely in California, there are probably parents who've bestowed this tasteless title on their little one. Imagine spending an afternoon in grade school in an overzealous nurse's office as she shaves your head looking for odd birthmarks.
Peter Cox, Rod Johnson, or Richard Weiner - Any of these could make adolescence a traumatic experience. Enough said.
Hydroelectric Dam - There was actually a brief fad in the Soviet Union in the fifties for giving kids names that glorified science, industry, and political ideology, and the result was little children named Hypotenuse or Chemical Refinery. I suspect that if there's a Glorious Socialism Ivanov, he or she has probably sought a name change by now.
Bob Evans - The thousandth grinning person humming the "down on the farm" jingle might provoke you to violence, or perhaps you'd give up and go into some sort of agribusiness with your Grandfather MacDonald.
Clark Kent - Imagine trying to use a phone booth in peace, or all the papers marked "S" surreptitiously taped to your back. Journalism probably wouldn't be the best choice of career.