For the record, this is not about the actual sports teams of Gatas Brilhantes or Metro Rabbits.
I first came up with this idea way back in September when I was still a total noob trying to learn all the basics of Morning Musume and Hello Project...the idea continued to linger and develop in my head but I never could figure out a way to organize it properly without dedicating an endless wall of text to it, so I never bothered to share it (especially after
that Ai vs. Kobe topic blew my idea out of the water 
). However, after being inspired once again by the recent Utaban and the fact that it's the Super Bowl weekend (leading to articles like
this imagining a Marvel vs. DC football matchup), I now present to you...
The Morning Musume/Hello Project football* team!
*And by football I mean American football, which some of you elsewhere may better know it as armored hand eggWhen I first started getting interested in Morning Musume, I had a bit of trouble coming to terms with how it operated. The constant addition and subtraction of members throughout the years meant that the group as we know it now is clearly not the same group that started it all despite using the same name. But one day I randomly thought about it as people joining and leaving a team, and that's when it hit me: this is just like a sports franchise! Picturing Tsunku as a head coach who drafts players every year (auditions) and draws up plays for them to run (producing/writing songs), I started mentally assigning positions to each member based on their presence on the singles, with American football making the most sense for me due to the group's size--MM would be the offense of Team H!P, with soloists and other groups serving as defense and special teams. But eventually the idea developed a bit too well in my head that there was no way I could write it down without seeming like an obsessed maniac.
Still, I figured it would make for a funny discussion if I could somehow narrow it down to just the current lineup (plus I figure I can always elaborate on past rosters later if this topic takes off), so here's the offensive starting lineup...
Quarterback - Ai TakahashiAn obvious choice for QB, serving as the face of the offense and being in charge of running the plays. Some say she's the greatest passer in franchise history, while critics find her fundamentally-sound play unexciting and are quick to compare the amount of team success seen by her predecessor, Abe.
Running back - Risa NiigakiA dependable option for keeping the pressure off the QB, though her fans think the team doesn't call running plays enough. Has no problem finding the endzone, except when it's drawn on a map.
Wide receiver - Reina TanakaDrafted at a time when the team roster was already flooded with receivers, Tanaka was instantly put into the starting lineup in her first game and has managed to shine ever since, baffling defenders who have trouble figuring out which way she's looking. Notable for attempting to declare for the draft before actually becoming elligible.
Tight end - Sayumi MichishigeAn occasional receiver who's best work is actually knocking down defenders when they least suspect it. Always demanding more passes be thrown her way despite not having very good hands.
Slot receiver/fullback - Eri KameiGood for blocking for other ball handlers and serving as a third/fourth option for passes. Constantly involved in trick plays with Niigaki, despite a few of said plays requiring multiple attempts to get right.
Center - Aika MitsuiSees minimal ball-handling duties as the snapper, blocking for the QB/RB and picking up any fumbles along the way. Known for having a quiet demeanor and being injury prone, but still attracts a loyal fan following.
Offensive line - Junjun and LinlinThey make sure the ball handlers don't get smothered by the opposing defense...and they did an excellent job last Tuesday.
For the defense, Berryz Kobo and C-ute can fill in those spots, though I don't know enough about them yet to assign individual positions. Rounding out the team would be Erina Mano, who falls into place just right as the kicker/punter.
And even though covering past rosters would be one hell of a task, I couldn't help but focus on a few of them:
Natsumi AbeThe team's first QB, beating teammate Kaori Iida for the position during tryouts. Later formed a linebacker corps with Aya Matsuura and Maki Goto. Once played an entire game calling nothing but QB scramble plays. Was suspended in late 2004 for stealing plays and strategies from other teams.
Maki GotoFormer WR whose presence on the offense coincided with the team's championship years, but later was found to be more effective as a linebacker. Now plays basketball for Team Rhythm Zone.
Rika IshikawaDrafted as a tight end but later became involved in multiple special teams formations and defensive units, building a reputation for unheralded work ethic and athleticism. Has one of the most loyal fan followings amongst former players.
Hitomi YoshizawaDrafted as the team's first full-time fullback, later becoming team captain. Set a franchise record in 2001 for most rushing yards in a single game.
Ai KagoDrafted as a receiver, spending most plays lined up next to slot receiver Nozomi Tsuji, with whom saw big success on special teams and later as a defensive secondary unit. Was suspended in 2006 and later waived for violating the team's substance abuse policy.
Miki FujimotoOriginally passed over in the draft, was later signed as a linebacker before suddenly being switched to the offense, where she eventually became the primary receiver. Was moved back to defense after violating the team's personal conduct rules in 2007.
Koharu KusumiOriginally picked as the next go-to receiver for the team, but was eventually reduced to being a secondary option in the starting lineup. Her energy and frantic style, however, allowed her to shine on special teams as a kick/punt returner. Shocked fans everywhere when she accepted a sudden contract buyout in 2009.
Any thoughts? Like/hate my analysis and/or have your own? Think another sport or realm would be better suited for such comparisons?
Topic: Morning Musume and Hello! Project: a sports franchise??? (Read 6997 times)