Ohayo~
Um... so I'm updating as my BFF dark-atrox pestered me for a week for a Kai X Ray oneshot... her reasons why I had to write it for her... will remain out secret. ~ebil laf~ I demand she updates something now... and not the one she sent me earlier to read! lol anyway, there is a theme song for this one as well as Sora kept singing it nonstop to everyone on the Jphipsterz Facebook group. Thanks for reading my fics everyone. Sorry I hardly update anymore but comments and requests are always welcome. Anywho, let me present to you...
That Awkward Silence.
Song: Hard to Say I Love You ~Iidasenakute~ - WEAVER
It’s hard to comprehend why you love me so much. For I see myself as being unworthy of such love. Each time you blatantly declare that you love me, each time you frown when I tell you that you don’t, each time you make me smile with your childish remarks, each time you surprise me with your maturity, each time you slowly creep further into my heart despite my attempt to build walls to prevent you from getting in. At first I did not know who you really were, most likely a psychopath on the prowl… I talked, you listened, you talked, I listened. It was quite simple. We were simple. Our feelings were simple. Friends. That’s what we were, but not really what we are. What are we? Is that what you wonder? Because truthfully I wonder that as well. Are you my friend or my little sister…or something more…?
You are loud and obnoxious, yet quiet and shy when we’re alone. You laugh to my pathetic jokes, inquire into my well-being, chat to me about rubbish until the early hours of the morning, message me when I’m bored at work. All seemed so simple until that awkward silence. The silence I created once you told me you loved me… it seemed as though it was from that moment that things seemed to get more confusing, that you started to get hurt from my lack of reply, that I began to think too deeply into simple gestures, that I became who I never wanted to become. Someone that makes your smile dissipate…
I miss the sound of your laugh, I miss the sound of your voice, I miss your stupid jokes, I miss your stupid remarks, I miss the way you say stupid things which made you sound like a retarded child. I miss everything about you… I might as well just say I miss you. However I’m too stubborn, I let my ego get ahead of me, so much that I neglect you and your feelings, so much that I am starting to believe that what I’m doing is all to prevent you from getting hurt, however in the end all I’ve been doing to you is what I’ve been trying to prevent. I push you away despite my urges to have you close by my side. I joke around about your feelings despite the fact that I feel the same way. I accuse you of liking other people, when in fact if it were true it would break my heart. I know that lately I’ve been too hot-headed, too paranoid, too insecure, too… something I never was, and most likely something you would never love. How do I turn back time… how do I make things right… how do I step forward so I’m close to you again… how to I make right what went wrong since that awkward silence?
Now all I can do is stand at the side and watch as you spend time with him. Keigo, that’s his name… As much as I despise him, I know in reality that I despise myself even more… I lost you because of my own insecurities… because I could not accept that I love you…
“Kai….KAI!!!!!!!!!”
I quickly turn my attention away from the scene before me and turn to face my friend beside me.
“What?” My voice was monotone, emotionless.
“Man, you’ve been spacing out all week. What’s wrong with you?”
“N-Nothing.” I turn away.
Had I really been that obvious? Has she noticed my behaviour?“Come on Kai you can’t lie to us. We’ve known you long enough to know something is wrong with you.” Riku gently held onto the shorter boys shoulder.
“Yeah midget! You aren’t that small that we don’t notice changes.” Kuu added grabbing onto the other shoulder.
“Ergh let go of me!” Shrugging their hands off his shoulder’s he quickly whipped around. “I’m fine I’m just tired from all this work lately.” He smiled faintly. “Just wanted a holiday of some type”.
The two boys looked at each other before turning back around towards the former. Grinning widely they both replied at the same time.
“PERFECT!”
“Huh?” Kai looked at them confused.
“Well we were actually making arrangements to go ice-skating together tonight!” Riku quickly added.
“So you can have a good time out with all of us.” Quickly going behind Kai, Kuu began pushing the smaller boy towards the exit. “We’re actually going there now!”
“B-b-but what about our recording?”
“We just finished you idiot! Man you are spacing out!”
As they were going towards the lift Riku quickly turned and yelled back towards the room.
“Hey Ray! Keigo! Hurry up! Are you coming in our car or going in your own?”
Kai quickly stopped and turned around to face those deep brown orbs watching him. They stood there, staring deep into each other’s eyes, searching for the answer to an unspoken question.
“Ray and I will go in my car.” Keigo quickly said, instantly bringing the two out of their trance. Kai turned and stared at Keigo and back to Ray before turning around to press the lift.
“Come on guys let’s just go.” The lift doors opened and Kai took this opportunity to quickly get out of there. The room had suddenly become intoxicating for him. He found it hard to breathe and had to get out of there. He felt like he was choking, his heart aching, beating an unfamiliar melody. Noticing his unease Riku and Kuu quickly stepped into the lift and waved goodbye before Kuu screamed through the lift doors as they closed.
“WE’LL SEE YOU THERE!”
Riku turned and stared at Kai who had his head facing towards the floor of the elevator.
“Kai, why can’t you just admit that you like her?” Riku’s voice triggering the latter to immediately look at him.
“I don’t like her. She’s like a sister to me.”
Kuu shook his head before resting against the wall of the elevator. Riku sighed deeply and leaned against the opposite side.
“Whatever you say…”
Kai turned and faced the closed doors before him. Staring blankly at them, all his mind was filled with was Ray’s face before the doors closed. Whether she was sad, annoyed, or happy he could no longer comprehend. Nor did he know his own feelings towards her. It was yet another awkward silence.
~***~
Staring at the lift doors, Ray’s heart sunk. As if the retreating figure of Kai into the lift wasn’t enough, her inability to rush forward into the lift to be next to him added to her dissipating confidence. Why did she confess to him? She missed being close to him. She missed his smile. His awkward chuckle as he scratched the back of his head when she teased him. The way he would appear out of nowhere to cheer her up when she was having a bad day in the studio. The way he would wipe away her tears when she cried. The way he would hold her hand tightly and walk her through her fans into the safety of her van. The way he would just be him and whisk her away from her boring life. She hated herself for ruining their relationship. She has caused such awkwardness. Now she hardly saw him in the last week. She hardly smelt the cologne which lingers from his body when he walks past and gently ruffles her hair. She hardly hears his voice whisper her name in her ear. She hardly feels the warmth of his body as he playfully hugs her. She thought the feelings were mutual, she thought everything would be the same, she thought that he would love her back, but in the end all that happened was an endless week of awkward silences.
~***~
Waiting outside the ice-skating rink Kai sat on the staircase whilst looking up at the sky. It was a clear starry night. Similar to the one a week ago. The wind was cold. Crisp one might say. Warming up his hands and pulling his scarf higher to cover his cheeks he continued to watch the night’s sky. Next to him Kuu and Riku looked around, waiting for the remainder of the group to arrive.
“Sorry we’re late!” Keigo happily cheered as he pulled Ray along behind him. Hearing his voice, Kai turned to face the arrivals. Nothing could prevent the stinging pain in his chest as his eyes caught a glance of the connected hands. Stopping a few metres from him, he watched as Keigo’s arm coiled around Ray’s waist. Gritting his teeth tightly he quickly turned away.
“It’s alright we’re still waiting for someone.” Riku replied before looking around streets again.
“BOO!” Riku felt as a pair of soft hands wrapped around his waist causing him to jump on the spot. Turning around he flicked the latters head. “Itai~”
“Don’t do that again!” Riku grinned widely as he hugged the girl close to him. Turning around he introduced the latter to the others. “This is my girlfriend Yuko.” Every stared in disbelief as the Yuko waved at them cheerfully.
“Since when?” Ray asked.
“Last week…” Riku blushed and turned back towards his girlfriend.
“I thought you were gay…” Kuu quickly added before jumping away from the vicious hands of the love struck boy beside him.
Yuko laughed lightly before pulling her boyfriend into the ice-skating rink. As the rest followed suit, two individuals walked through the doors at the same time only to be divided by a physical barrier, but an unintentional emotional one, Keigo. Both sighed deeply as the same thought crossed each other’s mind.
“Last week…”~***~
At the reception desk of the skating rink the group began to get there ice-skates. The reception glanced up at the individual ahead of her.
“Hey Kai! The usually?” Looking up the receptionist Kai felt uneasy. The fact was he and Ray were regular customers of the ice-skating rink. Looking over his shoulder he noticed Keigo and Ray chatting together.
“Um no just one please…” The receptionist looked over Kai’s shoulder after noticing his uneasiness. Upon standing up he instantly sat back down and looked at Kai before giving him his locker key to his personal locker and collecting his payment. As Kai turned quickly to walk away he accidently bumped into Ray.
“S-s-sorry.” He fastened his pace towards the locker room heaved a sigh of relief once he turned in and leaned back against the lockers. It was getting to hard for him and he didn’t know why. He opened up his locked and stood still, his eyes fixed to a pair of skates. Her skates. Moving them out of the way he quickly pulled his skates out and locked the locker. He sat down on the bench of the empty locker room. Looking down at his feet he zoned out. Reminiscing the past.
~FLASHBACK~“I’ve never been ice-skating before I’m scared~” The young girl pouted as she watched the guy tie her skates up for her as he kneeled down on the floor in front of her. He looked up upon finishing off the bow on the laces. Grinning widely he stood up and held out his hand.
“Come on let’s go! I promise I won’t ever let you get hurt.” Smiling widely she stood up and grabbed his hand. However due to her inexperience in walking around on ice-skates, she fell forward onto the latter. She felt as a set of arm securely wrapped around her and looked up only to meet a set of lips close to her forehead. “Are you okay?”
“Y-y-yeah” She quickly turned away to hide her blushing face. She felt as the warmth of the unexpected embrace disappeared. Suddenly she felt as a hand tightly held onto hers and pulled her forward. Her heart skipped a beat.
“Come on then! I want to start skating and watch you fall over and wet your butt!”
“Yah!” She playfully hit his arm as he chuckled lightly.~***~
Kai looked at the lockers before him. Did she like me then…?
Standing up from the bench he began to walk out of the locker room only to bump into Ray again.
“Hey…”
“Hi…”
They stared at each other again. It was yet again another awkward silence.
“Could I get my skates out of the locker?” Ray asked softly. Kai quickly fumbled for his locker key.
“S-s-sure” Opening up the locker he passed the latter the other pair of skates, shivering at the touch of the latter’s soft fingers as she took the skates out of his hands.
“Thank you.” She turned away and quickly walked out of the room leaving the former to stare blankly into space in defeat.
Turning the corner and sitting on the bench next to Keigo she gently touched her heated cheeks.
“Are you okay?” Keigo asked as Ray stared blankly at the fingers which gently grazed Kai’s hand.
“Y-yeah” She quickly changed into her skates before walking forward on to the rink.
~***~
After half an hour of skating Kai stepped out of the rink. He thought he would be okay, but he wasn’t. His hands were as cold as ice and it made his realise how much he missed the warmth of Ray’s hands. He turned and watch as Keigo held tightly onto Ray’s hands. It was Keigo’s first time skating and Ray was leading him around the rink. Kai stared at the couple, unaware of his clenched fist. Flashback’s of his first time coming to the rink with Ray flashed through his head. He remembered how she wobbled uncontrollably, how she grabbed him tightly, how she screamed for help, how she complained when he lead her away from the walls, how she hugged him like her life depended on it when she fell down, how she told him never to let go of her. Turning away he quickly walked towards the food court and bought a bottle of water. Pouring the contents down his throat quickly he gulped down half the bottle before sitting down on the bench. He was exhausted, not physically but emotionally.
If only it wasn’t so hard to say I love you…Standing up he walked towards the toilets. Turning the corner he crashed into Ray. Looking at him, the latter quickly uttered an apology before stepping past him. She was however halted by a tight grip on her wrist.
“Don’t go.”
“Kai please…”
Before she could retort and pull away she felt as the latter’s arm wrapped tightly around her slim waist. She felt his warm breath hitting her neck. She felt as he pulled her closer against his body. She felt as he turned her around to face her. She felt as his soft lips crushed against her own in a deep passionate kiss. She felt as his lips left hers. She felt as his heart beat against hers. She felt as his cheek grazed against hers. She felt as his lips gently touched her ear. With four syllables she felt as the weeks lonely and heart breaking awkwardness dissipated and a longed comforting silence took over.
“Ray, I love you.”
~Fin~ 
There you go! Hope that meets all the expectations xD I feel pressure to write well after certain people on Facebook told me that they liked my stories xD Anyway Please comment! AND BFF WRITE ME A FIC!!!!
@ Kahem and Ecchichan: Acchan is definitely abusing the jealousy game!
Topic: Keichan Ichi BANG! Random Update: How to be a Tsundere 101 (Kojiyuu 27/4/2015) (Read 37561 times)