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05 – Twisted Expectations My eyes slowly blink open as my mind returns from the dreamland. My ears pick up on a noise which oddly sounds similar to an airplane landing. Then, when I fully regain conscious, I realise its Atsuko, drying her freshly washed hair. I stare at her for a few moments. When did she get back last night? But did it matter? She wasn’t here last night, when I was waiting for her. And as expected, she was heading to work, when it was only… 5.30am. Exhaustion and frustration, I push out with a deep sigh. It was a new day and I have to get over myself.
Atsuko turned the hairdryer off and turned back to me. From her tiny jump, I know that I surprised her, and I can’t help but smirk at the cuteness. I see her smile back at me, adoration in her eyes.
I remember when Atsuko stared at me in that way for the first time. I wasn’t sure what the emotion was. I just knew she was looking at me differently. However, I didn’t make much of it at first, too confused and bothered by my own developing feelings for Atsuko. But then, when I finally confessed, that smile with those eyes… I knew the look she gave me. It was one of love.
“Sorry.” Atsuko says, sitting on the bed, lightly playing with my bed hair. “Did I wake you?”
“It’s okay.” I sleepily mumble back, the soothing touch lulling me back to sleep.
“I’m sorry… about yesterday.”
I open my eyes, my heart stinging from the reminder. I wonder if my memories could just sink into the pillow under my head, letting me forget about last night.
“It’s fine.” I quietly answer, glancing at her.
I see Atsuko frown. “No it’s not.” She earnestly replies. “If that stupid Itaki didn't cause trouble... making me late... taking my phone... that dumb..."
"What?"
Atsuko suddenly stops mumbling to herself. "Nothing." she grins, lightly shaking her head.
I raise my brow with suspicion. From what I could barely hear, it seemed someone called Itaki had something to do with Atsuko lateness. And since I've never heard of this Itaki, I assume it is the new cast member. However, would a new cast member really have the audacity to do such a thing? But then again, it would explain the uncharacteristic text she had sent me. Plus, from how much it ruffled Atsuko, they must have affected her substantially.
“Don’t worry Atsuko.” I assure, though I did feel greatly comforted. “I get it.”
She smiled with relief. “I’ll definitely fulfil my promise tonight.”
I can’t help but beam with delight. She remembered her promise. I feel bad for even thinking that Atsuko would ever forget a promise between us.
“Since we only have a couple of scenes to shoot today, I should be done by 4pm. So, by the time you get home, they’re will be a yummy dinner waiting for you. Then, we can watch a film together. Have a bath together. And after, we can take things to the bedroom.” Atsuko finished with a suggestive smirk.
I feel myself blush at her proposal but I feel my heart soar. “I would like that.”
With a smile and a final stroke of my hair, Atsuko stood up. I immediately feel the coldness of the alone.
“Okay I’ll see you tonight.” said Atsuko. “Love you.”
“Love you too.” I reply.
And with a kiss, she was gone. Now I just had to get through the day without being too excited. But that said, I can’t stop my hopes from building.
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Panting, I collapse on the rehearsal room floor, my sweating back pressed against the room-length mirror.
“Here.”
I open my eyes to see Mari-chan holding out a water bottle. I smile and thank her, taking the water gratefully. I take deep gulps and instantly I feel the sweet coldness run through me. With an exhale of satisfaction, I turn to Mari-chan.
“You were right Mari-chan. I was just being crazy.” I say.
“I know. I’m always right.” says Mari-chan with a cocky smirk. “But... what am I right about this time?” she unexpectedly asks.
“About Yuko!” I exclaim.
She ahhs her realisation. “So nothing happened?”
“Nope. She says that they just went around the shopping mall and had dinner. Then, after they separated, Yuko went to the arcade.”
“The arcade?” questions Mari-chan.
“Yeah.” I confirm. “But she didn’t win anything.” I laugh.
Yuko would always blow so much money in the arcade. I remember when we went there together and she tried to win me a teddy bear with tickets. However, she totally sucked at the games. However, she did in the end get me the bear. At the cost of over thirty dollars. I could have bought the same bear, at a much cheaper price at a shop. Nevertheless, it was entertaining to watch Yuko all motivated and determined to win me a prize. It was nice watching someone work so hard for me. And it made me love her all the more.
Expecting Mari-chan to join in with my laughter, and to joke about Yuko’s failure at arcade games, I am surprised by the silence. I turn to her, to find her deep in thought. For some reason, Mari-chan looks bothered, but I don’t know why.
“Is something wrong?” I ask.
She looks up with surprise, as if she forgot I was here.
“No, it’s nothing.” Mari-chan answers.
Though she said it with a smile, I have my doubts. But before I can question it, the instructor asks us to start the routine from the top. As I stand, I see Takamina return to her position. I run to her, before the instructor can see.
“Takamina, after this, let’s have lunch together.”
With a smile and a quick nod, Takamina turned back round, ready to perform. I grin, gazing at the tiny back that held straight the tiny woman, supporting much heavier things than all of us. She truly is the leader of AKB48. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
With my towel, I wipe away the sweat that has accumulated around my neck. Everyone has gone home already, leaving me alone to practice on my own. Usually I practised my singing, and then I move onto the dance routines, overall an extra two hours. I try to fit as much practise in as much as possible. It wasn’t that I wanted to be the best. I just want to be at my best.
I sit on the stage, staring out into the empty audience. I’m not sure if I was becoming delusional from the exhaustion, but I could hear the cheers of the audience. I still remember the beginning, when I could count the number of people watching with one hand. Now, every performance was a full house. We have come so far, and I feel proud and accomplished. Yet I still feel greedy. I want AKB48 to be known world-wide, attaining world fame. Known for their music, dancing, and being the idols you can meet. And amongst these feelings, there is also apprehension. For myself.
What am I going to do? I know the time will come, when I have to graduate, but what will I do next? What will become of AKB when I leave? Even though Akimoto-sensei says that there is no AKB48 without me, what is he going to do when I’m truly not there? It’s not like I can stay forever. I know this and, though they don’t say, everyone else knows it too. And yet, like them, I’m too frightened to bring it up.
Shaking my head, I stand up. Time for one more song and then I’ll stop. Atsuko will be waiting for me.
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One Song Later --------------
Panting the last words of my solo song, I bow to the invisible audience, a grin pasted on my face. Suddenly, a single applause echoes through the empty supposedly theatre. I jump, chilling shivers running down my spine. I notice that the sound is coming behind me. Swallowing my fear, I spin round, facing the source of the noise.
“Haruna!” I exclaim.
She smiles a cheeky grin. “Did I scare you?”
I release a sigh, sounding like one of annoyance, but was actually a relieved sigh, thankful that it wasn’t a ghost. “I thought you went home.”
“I was going to.” Haruna says, watching her come towards me. “But then I thought ‘Takamina must be doing her extra practise’ so I decided to do a bit of game shopping and come back to invite you to dinner with me.”
I smile, happy that one of my best-friends could be so endearing and thoughtful. However, I already have someone waiting for me.
“I can’t Nyan-Nyan, I have to get home.”
Immediately a frown appeared on her face.
“Come on. I’m sure you can spare an hour for me.”
Haruna grabs my arm in a rather playful but possessive manner. I don’t usually mind it, but I am hot and tired, and just want to get home.
“Stop messing around Haruna.” I chortle, attempting to pull back my arm. “I really need to get home.”
“Why?” she snaps, causing my eyes to temporarily widen with shock.
I have only heard Haruna address Yuko in such a tone, when she got on Haruna’s nerves. I feel her hands slightly tighten around my arm, making me feel more aware of her proximity.
“Atsuko is waiting for me.”
I watch as Haruna’s demeanour instantly change, as if she had been released from a moment of possession. Her eyes look down, almost guiltily and I feel her clasp on my arm loosen.
“Fine.” I hear her softly mutter.
With a tiny push, she releases me. And the next thing I know, I am falling off the stage.
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I nervously pace up and down the corridor, waiting for the doctor to come out of Takamina’s room. This is all my fault. ----------
An Hour Earlier --------
I’m not sure why, but I release Minami with an exasperated push. For some reason, it irks me that Takamina was ditching me to be with Atsuko. Sure, I understand that they are together, but Takamina sees her every day. They have to, they live together. So, why can’t Takamina spend one dinner with me?
Suddenly, I hear a crash. Rapidly I turn, to find Takamina gone. I rush to the edge of the stage. Instantly my blood turns to ice, chilling me to the bone, and my heart starts beating like crazy. My throat turns tight and my body freezes. I am unable to breathe. There, on the ground, Takamina’s still body lay.
“MINAMI!”
I jump down, quickly at Takamina’s side. She is as still as a china doll, and as fragile as one. Too afraid to touch her, I look around. I want to call for help, but no words come out. And no one would come anyway, everyone already gone home. I search my brain, thinking what to do. Then, I remember a programme I watched yesterday.
I put my ear to her mouth, like they did on TV, and try to listen to her breathe. However, over the pounding of my heart and the rush of adrenaline, I can’t hear anything. Panic quickly rises in me. But with deep breathes, I place my fingers on Takamina’s neck, feeling for a pulse.
There! A pulse. Reassured that she is at least alive, I immediately get up.
“Don’t worry Minami. I’ll get help.”
And with one last look, I run out of the theatre to the staff members working outside. ----------
Present-----------
I nearly had a heart attack when I saw Takamina, lying there, as if she was…
All of the sudden, the doctor immerses from Takamina’s room.
I immediately jump on him. “How is she doing? Is she okay? Is she awake? Can I go see her?”
The doctor looks at me and smiles. “Takahashi-san is fine.” he calmly answers. “To answer your questions; yes, yes and yes.”
I beam with the answers, and thanking the doctor, I head into Takamina’s room.
“Takamina!” I exclaim, seeing her sitting up in her patient’s gown. “How are you feeling?”
Takamina smiles at me, making my chest ache with worry and gladness.
“I’m fine.” she insists. “The doctor said it was just a very minor concussion and a twisted ankle. But they said that they had to keep me here tonight for surveillance.”
I sit in the visitor’s chair beside the bed, processing the information. A twisted ankle. That means Takamina wouldn’t be able to attend any of the theatre performances. Straightaway shame devours me.
“I’m sorry. It is all my fault.”
“No it isn't.” I hear her comfort me, with no effect to the suffocating shame. “It could have happened to anyone. It was my fault really for forgetting where I was and taking a step back, slipping off the edge of the stage.”
I can’t help but feel comforted by Takamina’s words, even though at the same time, they made me feel worse. Suddenly, I feel her stroke my head, her warm hand caressing my hair, making every single root tingle from the sensation. I remember seeing Atsuko do this to Takamina, and I remember a passing thought; 'How does that feel?'
I look up at her, seeing the same affectionate smile I have grown to know and love.
“Thank you Takamina.” I gently say. “And don’t worry; I’ll take care of you. Whatever you need, I’ll do it.”
She softly laughs, removing her hand away from me, making me feel strangely empty.
“Thank you Haruna.”
I gaze at her, examining Takamina’s features. Her large brown eyes, the cute dimples, her gentle smile… it is as if I am seeing her for the first time. And as I catch myself staring, I can’t help but feel the raise of temperature in my cheeks and the increased beating of my heart.
Suddenly, the door bursts open. In a blur, I see someone rush past me, holding onto Takamina.
“Minami! I came as soon as I could.” exclaimed the person.
After I get over my surprise, I realise its Acchan. Immediately, I feel like I’m intruding. I get up from the chair and take a step back. It is as if I’m not in the room. The two fawned over each other; Acchan in tears, while Takamina patted her head like a child. It was as if Acchan was the one in pain, rather than Takamina. However, from her tender expression, Takamina did not mind a single bit. As expected, Takamina is supporting Acchan.
Silently, I leave the room, suddenly uncomfortable with the sudden appearance and company of one of my best friend. As I walk down the corridor, I suddenly hear someone call my name.
“Nyan-Nyan!”
I halt, turning to Acchan. She stops in front of me, a grateful smile on her lips.
“Thank you for helping Minami. You are the best friend ever.”
She suddenly hugs me, letting me feel her usual warmth. I return the embrace, but I can only think how different she feels to Takamina.
When she leaves to go back to Takamina, I don’t know why, but I feel guilt pinch at my conscience.
Topic: How Long Does Forever Last? - Chapter 19 (AtsuMina & KojiYuu) 10/09/2015 (Read 71082 times)