I am back! *Throws souvenirs* I hope you guys didn’t miss me too much 
And once again, thank you for the comments 
Keep them coming 
P.S. Sorry if there are any mistakes. I wanted to post it today so I slightly rushed it. I will edit later if there are any 
*EDITED*07 – Sweet and SourThe music blasts through the massive speakers, resonating through my body. I silently observe from the darkness, holding my crutches tightly as they support my weight, as the girls dance in unison. The stage pounds with the sound of the members synchronised steps.
I remember the days when this was but a dream. When a group of young girls who knew nothing about each other, were expected to dance as one. I remember the first dance lessons we had. They were gruelling, especially for me, who had absolutely no rhythm or experience. It was like military training, with the muscle and stretching exercises, hours of exhausting practise. And yet, there was minimal improvement. Each time we performed a routine, it was messy and unorganised. From the many shouts and scolding from the dance instructor, I remember one piece of advice that will stay with me till now.
“A dance is not just about the moves or the music. And a group dance is not about outshining other dancers. It is about synchronisation. You must move as one team. Each wave, each step, must be synchronised with everyone else, moving as if you are one being. Synchronise with the music, synchronise your mind with your heart and match it with the beat, and then, synchronise with everyone around you. This is the most fundamental factor of performing any dance. With any move, no matter how basic or outrageous it may look alone, together, it is beautiful.”
Synchronisation. That was what I took from that day, and from that point, I tried to learn everyone’s names. I thought, if I can’t dance with strangers, I can probably dance with friends. And from then, as everyone began to learn about each other, dancing became easier. Understanding one another’s feelings, thoughts and movements, knowing what they were going to do next. Soon, dancing became enjoyable and we were on a level that was performable. And after that taste of being on stage, with people watching me, listening to me, I knew I would never escape from this world.
That was why I am here today. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to come to the theatre, just to be able to absorb the atmosphere and see my dearly missed friends. Just to be able to inhale the sweet smell of determination and the sour scent of sweat and tears, an addicting mixture that I am addicted to, was enough to make me rush from the hospital and head to Akihabara. And I couldn’t stand being in the house for one more day. A week has passed since my injury, and according to my doctor who I saw before coming here, I still have one more week of home rest before I would be fit to perform again. This was the statement that finally pushed me over the edge.
As the music comes to an end and the girls remain in their finishing position, I see my usual spot is filled by another member. I brace myself for the expected income of insecurity and isolation, however I feel nothing. Instead, I feel glad that another member would have another chance to shine. And this thought, brought a smile to my face. Clapping my hands, the sound echoing through the quiet theatre, the members break their formation to turn to see who it was. Seeing their stunned faces, it makes me grin even more.
Suddenly, I am surrounded by a flock of chattering girls. Mewling over me as if I am an injured kitten, the team coo at my state, quickly bringing over a chair. They overwhelm me with questions about my condition, how I’ve been, what I’ve been doing, what it has been like not working and what I was doing here today. I try to answer the endless questions, while returning the many hugs I am receiving.
Then, as the questions died down and their curiosity with my crutches grew, I smile as I nodded for them to try them out. With a cry of excitement, some of the girls run and start trying out the equipment, while others bid farewell as they have other places to go. As I sit and watch the members playing on the stage, I see Mariko head towards me with a mischievous smile.
“If Acchan knew you were here,” Mariko begins, stopping in front of me. “she would kill you.”
Guilt and anxiety flows through me at this. This hasn’t really occurred to me, now feeling the full weight of what I’m doing.
Atsuko has been nothing but good to me over the week. Making me meals, treating me with presents and surprises, waiting on my hand and foot, giving me the great amounts of pleasure and attention that I have been desiring for the past month. And though she couldn’t constantly be by my side because even though time had stopped for me, it didn’t for Atsuko, she managed to call at least five times a day, just to make sure everything was okay. And though, at first, it had been amazing to be the centre of Atsuko’s attention, soon that wasn’t enough to disguise the boredom of doing nothing all day. Television and games could only last so long. I was just itching to stand on the stage that I had danced, sung and cried on for over seven years.
And so, though I know Atsuko would be very disappointed and angry at my actions today, expecting me to rest constantly and almost confiding me to bed, I just had to go.
I look at Mariko and just smile.
“Only if she finds out.”
All of a sudden, a pair of long familiar arms wrap around my shoulders from behind. I immediately know who it is, experiencing this back hug many times. I simply place my hands on top of the slim arm, feeling the moist skin under my palms. After a moment, she releases me and steps in front of me, next to Mariko.
“What are you doing here?” asks Haruna sternly, completely different to her attitude only seconds ago. “Shouldn’t you be at home resting?”
However, just before I retort, Mariko’s phone rings. Quickly she pulls answers it, slightly turning her body. With fast responses, soon the conversation was over.
“Sorry guys, I have to take off.” she suddenly announces.
“So soon?” I ask.
“Yeah, mum wants me to go to hers for dinner today.” Mariko explains. “I’ll see you guys around.”
And with that, Mariko disappears into the dressing room. Silence fills the area and I quickly notice that all the girls were also gone. I must have been too preoccupied to notice them leave, and they even left my crutches against the wall next to me. It is now just Haruna and me. Haruna remains hush, simply taking the crutches into her own hands and trying them out. With the height difference, the handles doesn’t even reach her arm pits, and when she begins moving around, she had to slightly bend her legs. I slightly frown at my inferior size.
“Do you want to go to dinner?”
I look up at Haruna, who just continues to hop around. I hesitate in my answer. Even though I would like to catch up on the latest gossip with Haruna, Atsuko doesn’t know I’m not at home and if she knew where I was, she would be worried sick. Then again, Atsuko doesn’t get back until 8 tonight, and it was now 5:30. So, I should be able to get back in time. And though I am thinking of a counter argument in my head, my mouth replies with a yes.
Haruna simply grins at my response, returning and placing the crutches next to me.
“I’ll just go get ready.” she says.
I nod, and watch her about to go behind the stage. But then, she stops.
“You know…” I hear her begin. “… I missed you.” Haruna softly mutters.
I smile, feeling the warmth that Haruna could so easily bring.
“I missed you too.”
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Dinner is quiet, but a comfortable quiet. Already filled with bubbly laughter, we start to eat our dinner silently. Hence it quiet. Passer-bys may think we were awkward, but that didn't matter. We know we are each other's bestfriend and even though we know we can tell each other anything, silence is also as comfortable as a conversation. We talked about what it was like for Minami not to be at the theatre, how things were going with us, about the recent weather, everything. At least, almost everything.
Amongst our talks, I had noticed one thing. I wasn’t sure why, but neither of us asked about our girlfriends. It was odd, but then again, it wasn’t like I didn’t meet with Atsuko and Minami sees Yuko quite often. And yet, isn’t it normal to ask about each other’s relationship? Don’t girls usually talk about their relationship’s ups and downs? And yet, since we had known about each other's relationships, we have never questioned about them.
As I ponder over this unusual fact, I suddenly hear a familiar ringtone. I see Minami fumble through her short pockets, pulling out her mobile. I observe her answer the phone and from the immediate change in demeanour and her twinkling eyes, I know exactly who it is. However, as I stare, I detect a sense of frantic from Minami’s expression. But before I can consider this odd reaction, Minami focuses on me for a second and sends me an apologetic expression, before absorbing herself into the conversation again and excusing herself. I look down at my plate, my appetite suddenly disappearing. As she leaves, my ears prick to a quiet whispered reply.
“I’m…at home.”
Even though I am staring at my dish, my eyes widen with shock. This is the first time I’ve heard Minami lie, let alone to Atsuko. And I can’t believe it. Why would she do that? Why would Minami even need to lie? I don’t understand what is going on. Am I being kept a secret? But why? My mind explodes with confusion at what is going on. However, I don’t have time to think.
What felt like seconds, Minami returns.
“Sorry about that.” she says, lightly smiling.
I only shake my head, keeping my eyes down.
“It’s okay.”
We continue dinner, as if nothing happened. As if I wasn’t part of a lie. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I unlock the front door of my house. And just as I walk, a stoic figure stands. I immediately freeze, terror rushing through me. Atsuko stands in the middle of the hallway, both hands on her hips, and a furious expression on her face. But why was she here? I thought she would be at the set until 8? It was only 7pm.
“Where have you been?” exclaims Atsuko. “I have been calling you for almost an hour!”
I flinch at the cold voice. However, I wonder why I didn’t hear my phone? It might have been because after her first call at dinner, I put my phone into my bag and the ringtone was drowned out by the chatter…
“I was at the theatre.” I reply, which was true.
I see Atsuko slightly relax, but it is not over.
“So when I called you, you weren’t at home?” quietly demands Atsuko.
My hands instinctively tighten around the crutches, wishing they would support me and help take me away.
“…No.” Hurt immediately crosses over Atsuko’s face. “But,” I quickly answer. “I didn’t want you to worry.”
Though she still has a pained expression, I can see Atsuko physically calm down. She begins to step towards me, but I don’t have the courage to meet her halfway. She stands in front of me, and I can’t help but become captured in her rather sad eyes that makes my heart hurt. Suddenly, Atsuko brings her arms around me, one hand on my back and the other holding my head against her heart.
“Minami…” she sighs. “You didn’t have to lie. I would have understood. Though I’m still upset you lied to me. You can understand that right?”
I nod, letting my head sink against Atsuko’s chest, surrendering myself to her. However, I am still afraid. Afraid that Atsuko’s heart will be able to hear the lies and regret that echoed inside my head, through my ears. So, I am the first to break away. Atsuko allows me to withdraw, but keeps me within her grasp, her hands running up and down my arms sending shivers through me.
“You must be hungry.” I feel my insides twist. I don’t answer. But I don’t need to. “I’ll make us something.
Then, she turns and heads to the kitchen. With hesitation, I carefully follow her.
“So did you go anywhere else today?” Atsuko calls over her shoulder, as she disappears into the kitchen.
I am about to answer but an impulse strikes.
“No.”
And as soon as the lie leaves my lips, I feel sick. Why did I lie again? All of a sudden, Atsuko enters the room again and I am frozen. Has she caught my lie? Apprehension and panic fills my heart. Suddenly, Atsuko engulfs into another hug, this one much urgent and fervent that the last. I feel Atsuko hot breath on my neck, heating the skin underneath her soft lips.
“Don’t ever do that to me again.” I hear her whisper.
My heart breaks at the soft voice and I can’t help but want to cry.
“I’m sorry.” I admit.
For more than one thing.
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I open the door to the apartment, feeling light from the enjoyable dinner I had with Minami, but weighed down by the heaviness of what I heard. That tiny fib… it still haunts me. I just can’t think of any reason as to why Minami said such a thing, except she didn’t want Atsuko to know about her whereabouts because she didn’t want Atsuko to worry. But even if this was the reason, it doesn’t justify her actions. Why did I have to become part of a lie that I wasn't meant to hear? Confusion clouds my head so much that I didn’t even notice the figure sitting on the couch.
“Haruna!”
I jump at the loud voice, turning to the source. There, I see Yuko sitting, wearing an exasperated and worried expression.
“You didn’t come home for dinner.” she sternly states. “Where did you go?”
Suddenly, I realise why Yuko was looking so uneasy. Today, Yuko finished her shooting early and we had agreed to have dinner together. Immediately shame builds up inside me. And I think Yuko could see I had forgotten because she soon stands up and is about to head to the bedroom.
“Wait!” I cry. “Minami had come to the theatre today and… and I asked if she wanted to have dinner.”
Yuko stops, but doesn’t look at me. I can tell she is hesitating, wondering if she should be angry or not for what I truly had forgotten.
“Is she okay?” Yuko finally asks.
I feel relief that I wasn’t being completely ignored. Usually it was me doing the ignoring, but when Yuko was angry, it was truly frightening. Thankfully it occurred rarely, and was never directed to me. Until now.
“Yes, she’s doing much better.” I answer. “But she still has one more week of home rest.”
Yuko turns and faces me. Thinking I am forgiven, I take a step forward. However, as I gaze at her stony expression, I know I am not yet off the hook.
“So why did you take her out to dinner when Minami should have been resting at home?” she demands.
I swallow, attempting to loosen my tightening throat.
“I just thought she needed time away from the house. You know Minami, she couldn’t stay in the house another day. She needed to get away.”
After a moment, which felt like ages, Yuko’s features finally relax.
“Fine, I get it.” she says, which makes my heart soar. “But you should have at least called me.”
“I’m sorry.”
I see her hesitate once again. Sadness decorates her facial features and remorse aches within me.
Then quietly, Yuko mutters. “You worried me.”
My chest is really hurting now.
“I’m really sorry.” I emphasize, truly feeling sorry.
She looks at me for another moment and I try to convey my apologetic feelings. As I gaze into those large eyes, I also see something other than hurt. However, I don't have time to analyse it. Yuko breaks the brief contact and turns back round. I’m not sure if she received my message, but even so, I feel the repentance swirl in my stomach.
As I watch as Yuko disappear into the bedroom, I do not pursue her. I can’t bring myself to do it. This is because even if I do, I can’t go near her. I am afraid that she’ll know that even though I was truly sorry for not letting Yuko know where I was, I’m not sorry that I was with Minami.
Topic: How Long Does Forever Last? - Chapter 19 (AtsuMina & KojiYuu) 10/09/2015 (Read 71077 times)