Aya’s Soliloquy
As I keep reading the words over and over trying to make sense of what is happening and what is going through Yossi’s mind my heart beats faster and harder like it wants to leap out my chest.
‘I love you Aya, you’re the best thing that’s happen to me. I can’t do this anymore… It’s over… I’m sick of hiding’
What have I done? This is all my fault. As my heart beats faster the pain starts to get too much. My body’s punishing me for driving her away and as the pain grows I try to sit up off my bed but I fall back and the tears start and I know they won’t stop until I have her back. I want to know… I need to know what’s going on.
The phone rings out over and over and every time her message bank picks up I listen to her sweet familiar voice until it is too hard to handle and an overwhelming amount of emotion floods over me. Memories, so many memories come back and I know that a life without Yossi is a life not worth living.
The hours seemed to drag on forever but the pain just drowns out everything around me. Soon morning hit and I knew she won’t keep avoiding my calls forever but what if she does? Would I ever see her again? Or would I one day run into her at a concert? God knows when I’ll be touring with them again.
I decided to try one last time before going over to her apartment. The phone rang and my heart was in my throat with anticipation.
“Hello” her voice somewhat soothed me and everything that was breaking inside me but the pain in her voice sent cold shivers up my back. It sounds like she had been crying and I want to ask why? I want to ask her so many questions but I don’t. I can’t speak.
“Hey.. I tried to call you” my voice started to break
“I’m sorry Aya” the tears started to build
“Please don’t leave me” I never thought I’d say those words
“Please don’t leave me…” the tears started running down my face
After a pause that seemed to last forever she spoke again
“I’m so sorry” she whispered and the coldness of her voice hit my heart like a shard of ice, I began to sob in pain.