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Author Topic: [Machdi-san's FanFics]: Goodbye, My Lover (WMatsui)  (Read 45375 times)

Offline atsukojiyuu_C

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Re: [Machdi-san's FanFics]: All of Me (KojiYuu)
« Reply #100 on: May 22, 2014, 05:43:39 PM »
................................... :pleeease: speechless!!
it's got right through my feeling, i got the sorrow  :fainted: oh my kojiyuu feelings......
but it turned to sweetness in the end, i squealed so much!  :mon angel:

it felt so real, with yuko graduate and their less time to meet each other because of work..
i love how you portrait Haruna's feeling about Yuko  :love:
thankyou so much for this story, arya-san.. awesome  :twothumbs
waiting for more~~ hihihihi

Offline AryaMachdi

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Re: [Machdi-san's FanFics]: Goodbye, My Lover (WMatsui)
« Reply #101 on: May 31, 2014, 05:11:32 PM »
Goodbye, My Lover

I know your fears, and you know mine. We had our doubts, but now we’re fine. And I love you, I swear that’s true. I cannot live without you.

:::

It could have been worse. She would be living in a life of no control and subconscious fears, but her courage and dedication succeeded on putting her into one of Japan’s finest universities. A day in a life of a college student doesn’t seem to be interesting, but Rena believed that her story wasn’t a dull fest. She kept it her head for quite some time, playing it over and over again like a videotape, and she never gets old of her own story.

Some people might call this story quite cliché and lack of originality, Rena once thought about it herself, but those words are from people who never felt what love was. Hardly people understand the girl’s self-called ‘sad story’, though the fact didn’t slip out of place as well. The chances of heartaches throughout the story is a fifty-fifty percent guarantee, so given that, warm tears would likely to form in Rena’s eyes again. Like she always would.

"Wouldn’t it be a total bummer if you don’t come to Mayu’s birthday party tonight?"

It was the middle of the second semester in one of Tokyo’s prestigious high school known in the last decade. The shivering cold of the winter season made many students wearing thick layered coats and jackets, inserting gloves into their hands as if the blood running through their veins has frozen. But as much as for the freezing temperature, Rena seemed to be unaffected by the current season’s intentions. For her, wearing her favorite sweater was already enough.

"Will there be a lot of people there?" Rena asked, seeing a trail of fog escaping her mouth as the pencil in her hand continued writing on her notebook, copying notes taken from her friend. She didn’t blame her slight drowsiness in class since it was the last one, so having a friend like Yuki having to write down notes from that class made her feel glad that there was someone who actually pay attention to two hours of Japanese History. And Rena knew how bad she was in memorizing dead people’s names.

"If I said yes, will you still come?" Yuki asked, hoping her friend would say the one word she was waiting for.

"Nope. But tell Mayu that I said happy birthday for her," Rena said, flashing a smile before she got up and putting her notebook inside her bag. "Want to go home together?"

"Nah, it’s alright, you go ahead. I have to wait for Mayu until she’s done with her comic book club," Yuki said, chuckling at the thought of how nerdy her girlfriend was.

"Gee, I thought the term ‘bros before hoes’ was true, but look at you. Waiting for your girl and all," Rena joked, laughing slightly as the other girl gave her one of her famous death glares.

"Don’t push it, Rena. I’m still older than you, so watch your words," Yuki said, trying to sound menacing as possible. "And for you information, Mayu isn’t a freaking whore. And she never will be."

“I was just kidding. Lighten up, Yukirin.” Rena said, lightly punching the girl’s arm. “All those tests and homework must have been making you stress, I believe.”

Yuki groaned. “You have no idea.” Her eyes darted towards the clock on the wall, showing the current time and realizing that she should head to the club room by now. “I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow, Rena-chan.” Smiling widely, she ran towards the door and ran out, her loud voice echoing throughout the hallway outside. “Think about what I asked earlier!”

Rena sighed, shaking her head as she made her way out of the classroom. Half carrying her bag slung over her shoulder, her mind wondered off thinking whether or not, she should stop by at Mayu’s birthday party which was held another from now. She doesn’t want to disappoint her own friend, but she knew a lot of people would be there and she wouldn’t like that.

She wasn’t good with the crowd. The feeling of her body being pressed up against another one’s body, invading her personal space was something she tended to stay away from.

A cough escaped her throat, shivering slightly as Rena looked up at the clouded sky, silently missing the presence of the sun. Five straight days, and she only sees the same thing every time her eyes look up. Winter was supposed to soon, and she couldn’t wait for it to be over. As much as she loved the season, she wouldn’t be able to take anymore of the freezing cold air. All she wanted to see was the sun shining down at her, feeling its warmth against her soft skin.

Rena checked her watch, the arrows indicating that it’s still too early to go home yet. Deciding to buy a warm drink from the nearest convenient store, she went inside and bought a cup of hot chocolate she got for herself. As she waited for the cashier to give her back her change, she glanced her eyes towards an unknown figure standing outside with her back facing Rena’s point of view.

Unusually, the person was wearing the exact same school uniform Rena wore, a thought came into her mind as she wondered if the girl, judging by the figure’s feminine appearance and long black wavy hair, was from the school Rena currently studied in.

Curiosity sparked up inside of the pale skinned girl. And so, she took her change and walked outside of the store.

Rena walked cautiously towards the girl, carefully not wanting to disturb the other person in front of her. Opening her mouth to speak, she only founf her voice gone as she noticed the half-finished cigarette caught between two fingers and the lips of the girl slowly taking a drag from the end of the cigar.

Her eyes grew wide as she realized that the girl was smoking, out in the open, the school uniform remained intact on her body. She could only stare at the girl in front of her eyes, blowing a trail of smoke out from her mouth.

"Isn’t it supposedly rude to stare at a complete stranger for more than five seconds?"

The voice of the girl shook Rena out of her daze, getting a grip of reality and looking at another direction to avoid any eye contact with the other person. “Um, I didn’t mean to stare at you like that… Sorry.”

As her eyes looked up, she didn’t expect the person to look back at her as well. Their eyes met, locked up in a short staring contest, as Rena observed the facial appearance of the stranger in front of her. In her mind, Rena never imagined someone as physically attractive as her.

The girl smiled. A sign of friendliness.

"It’s okay. I’m kind of getting used to the fact that people would be surprised if they ever saw me, a high school girl, having a smoke outside of the school area," The girl said, taking another drag before exhaling. "I never let it bother me, though. I let them judge as they want."

"And you’re not bothered by that?" Rena asked.

"No. Not at all." The girl smiled, throwing the finished cigarette into a trash bin nearby. "I’m Jurina, by the way. Sorry, I just realized that I have manners and meeting a school girl like you that caught me smoking made me forget about telling you my name."

Rena chuckled slightly at the girl’s sense of humor. “I’m Rena. Nice to meet you. I didn’t expect someone from my school to be out here when everyone is already home.”

"Oh, you recognized the uniform?" Jurina grinned "Well, I actually thought I’ve once saw you before. I believe you are the girl who spends her free time at school, in the library reading romance novels."

Rena eyes widened. “Wait, how do you know?”

Jurina laughed. “I’m right, am I? I often visit there to clear my head, keeping my mind sane from all the school work. Then I saw you, busy reading… What was it, Fifty Shades of Grey?”

"It’s a good book, okay? I don’t get why people think it’s disgusting!" Rena defended herself, feeling both of her cheeks starting to get warmer.

"Whoa, whoa. Calm down. I didn’t say it was disgusting. Or vulgar." Jurina added. "I don’t have problems with people who loves reading erotic romance novels in their abundant free time."

"I don’t…" Rena tried to say she wasn’t into anything erotic related, but she shook the dirty thought away and groaned. "See, now I’m having messed up thoughts because of you?"

"Hey, why me?" Jurina smirked. "Just speaking out the ugly truth."

"Yeah, well, the truth nowadays are always ugly." Rena took a sip of her hot chocolate before continuing. "Like how many couples are simultaneously cheating each other with other people, and once they found out, then voila. Break up happens."

Jurina raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t that a bit exaggerating?”

Rena thought about it for a moment, and shrugged. “I wouldn’t call it exaggerating if it was actually true.”

"Oh, so you have been cheating on someone lately?"

It took a large amount of willpower to not choke on her drink as Rena was cut off guard by the sudden conclusion. She looked at Jurina in disbelief. “What… No! Look, how did you even thought of that?”

Jurina shrugged. “Just guessing. So have you?”

Rena sighed, shaking her head. “No, I am not cheating on someone right now. I don’t even have a boyfriend, or girlfriend so what’s the point?”

Jurina nodded. “True. You’re not going home now?”

Rena looked down at her watch, showing her the current before diverting her attention back to Jurina. “Now that you’ve mention it, I should probably do that. What about you? Aren’t your parents going to wonder where in the world is their daughter right now?”

"Well, kind of." Jurina smiled. "So, I’ll see you tomorrow then?"

"We’ll see." Rena mirrored the girl’s action. "It was nice meeting with you, Jurina."

Jurina bowed her head slightly. “Ditto, Rena-chan.”

Rolling her eyes at the nickname, she walked off to the direction of her house while she contained her inner happiness that she would be able to meet the girl again.

-

"Why didn’t you come to the party, Rena?"

The cafeteria was filled with hungry students as the bell for lunch break rang off a few minutes ago, and nearly half of the school’s population were already gathered in the food hall, enjoying their lunch that were packed from home or bought from the cafeteria catering people. Usually, the loud voices of the students surrounded the place, and Rena only wanted to finish her food and get out of the crowded place as soon as possible.

Rena shrugged. “Had a lot of work to be done at home, and also helping my mom cook dinner last night. At least, I didn’t get wasted or turned up, or else I would have woken up with a God awful headache.”

Yuki groaned. “Don’t even mention it. I felt as if the world started shaking, and the next things I knew, I had my head stuck inside the toilet.”

Rena rolled her eyes. “Told you alcohol is bad for you.” She took a sip of her orange juice, and stood up from her seat. “I’m going to the library for awhile. This place is getting crowded by the minute.”

Receiving a nod from her friend since the latter was busy trying to tune down the explosions happening in her head, Rena quickly walked out of the cafeteria. Reminding herself to tell her friend that alcohol isn’t a good, and it might give you a horrible experience in the morning.

As she silently walked through numerous of hallways since the library was located too far from the cafeteria, her mind couldn’t stop recounting yesterday’s event. Meeting up with a fellow classmate outside of school isn’t rare and it happens quite a lot of time, the girl whom Rena met yesterday was oddly different. Especially when she saw Jurina smoking wide out of the open, it seemed bizarre for a girl like her to be taking into the dangerous life and doing what the so-called ‘cool kids’ are doing.

Then Rena realized she forgot to ask the girl’s age. She mentally face-palmed at her forgetfulness.

Too wrapped in her own thoughts, Rena didn’t noticed she was coming into a corner and felt her body colliding into someone.

"Oh, s-sorry, I didn’t…"

Rena looked up at the person she bumped into, only to fine a familiar grin appearing at the girl’s face.

"J-Jurina," Rena stuttered. "Fancy meeting you here."

"I would have said the same thing, but it looks like you beat me to it." Jurina chuckled. "Fancy meeting you here as well."

Rena laughed awkwardly. “So, um, where are you heading?”

"Oh, I was about to drop by the cafeteria for lunch, but I guess I’m not hungry anymore," Jurina said, smiling. "How about you? Where are you going?"

"To the library. The cafeteria’s a freaking madhouse, I couldn’t survive another minute in that place. I prefer a place where it’s peaceful and quiet," Rena said. "You want to come with?"

Jurina laughed at the other girl’s annoyance. “Well, since I have nothing else to do and my stomach’s not begging me for food, then sure. Why not?”

The two girls walked down the hallway side by side, keeping each other’s company as they continued to talk about anything. From what Rena gathered, Jurina was slightly younger than her, the age gap concluded to be a two year difference. She was quite surprised at first, considering how mature the younger girl looks but nowadays, appearance is just a facade covering up the true colors of someone. In this case, Jurina’s appearance made her seem like an older sister.

As Rena was more of a listener, she mostly listened to what Jurina was telling, whether if it’s recounting a funny story or lame jokes. Rena would only laugh, and give the girl short comments before reverting back to listening. It was in this way, that Rena can fully know the other girl’s personality when she’s with someone. In other words, someone whom she just met the day before.

Once the two finally made it to the library, Rena quickly found find both of them a place to sit and settled herself with a book she was currently into while Jurina silently listens to a playlist through her earphones. Her fingers tapped to the beat of the song against the table, feeling herself staring at the older girl whom was reading the novel in her hands intently, eyeballs going left and right indicating that she’s busy reading each and every word printed in the book.

Noticing the title of the book was written under a different language, Jurina raised an eyebrow and took off her left earphone. “You read English novels, too?”

"Hm? Oh, yeah." Rena smiled. "I’ve read some books that are in English, but most of them are in the bookshelf in my room. You should try reading them, they make you feel sophisticated."

Jurina chuckled. “Thanks, but no thanks. I’m good reading books in my own native language, but I’m not saying that I don’t know English. The language has millions of adjectives and nouns I can’t even remember from when learn it in class.”

"Then go buy a English to Japanese dictionary," Rena suggested, her eyes not leaving the book in hand.

"Too lazy."

"Find someone to tutor you."

"Waste of money."

"Have extra classes after school."

"I have tennis practice, also basketball."

Rena looked up at Jurina, realizing how stubborn the girl was when it comes to learning. Yet she still managed to be in the top ten. “How are you supposed to learn English if you keep being like this?”

Jurina tilted her head sideways. “Who said I wanted to learn English?”

Rena blinked a few times, and shook her head. “You know what, never mind. Forget that I even said anything.”

Jurina grinned. “You’re adorable.”

Rena scoffed. “Keep on flirting, and you might be the school’s playgirl,”

"I wasn’t trying to flirt. If I see someone who caught my attention through their looks, I would be straightforward and tell them how they look like. It’s kind of my human nature whenever I see attractive people," Jurina explained, waiting for a reaction from the other girl.

"So, you’re saying that I’m attractive?" Rena asked, raising an eyebrow as she looked at Jurina questionably.

"Positive," Jurina said.

Rena sighed, and revert back to her book. “You’re such a flirt.”

"Fine. If you don’t want to believe me, so be it. But mark my words," Jurina said, leaning herself forward towards Rena. "You’ll eventually fall in love with my good looks."

Rena looked up, and smirked. “I never said that you’re good looking.”

"You keep glancing at me from time to time, don’t even bother lying."

"I was glancing at someone who’s even more attractive than you."

"There’s only us here, and in the hallway."

"Well, what if I saw a pretty face passing by, and you didn’t even notice?"

"Well, I…" Jurina paused, trying to think of a comeback but her head didn’t come up with anything smarter. "Damn it."

"Ha," Rena smirked. "I win."

"You got lucky, that’s what." Jurina crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes as she admittedly lost to someone whom she met only from yesterday. She was about to add another smart comment, but it was cut off by the school bell.

"Well, I’d love to say and chat, but it’s class time," Rena said, standing up and putting the book back into its original place. "I guess I’ll see you later, then." Smiling down at the young girl seated in her chair, she made her way out of the library.

As Jurina stared at the older girl leaving, her hips swaying side to side confidently, the girl let out a chuckle and shook her head while she sat up from the seat, and beginning to walk her way to class.

-

The cold wind blew restlessly around the area, giving off goosebumps on her skin as she breathed in and out almost too raggedly. Her hand forming into fist, silently letting the pain running up on her arm and wrist. Biting her lip and eyes tightly closed, she let out a shaky sigh as the stinging decreased.

Her heartbeat slowed down into its normal rate, letting her fist form back into a hand. Taking in a deep breath of cold air, she stood up while pulling down her sleeve. Her hand wandered off into her pocket, taking out a pack of cigarettes that had been in there for several days without getting caught. She took one out of the five remaining cigars, put the pack back in her pocket and pulled out a lighter. She felt a moment of warmth as the lighter was lit, and as she took a drag of the cigar in between her fingers, she exhaled. A overwhelming sense of calmness surrounded her body.

Thinking that a certain someone would be waiting for her outside of school, particularly at the convenient store, she started to walk casually with one hand in her pocket and the other holding the cigar, taking her inestimable time taking in the environment around her.

She didn’t know how long she had been doing her routine. She never get hold of herself whenever she’s in a depressed state, seeing that the word ‘hurt’ never came to her mind until the incident happened. Since then, hurt had been in dictionary for quite a long time. But she wanted to stop. She really does. Though every time she tried to hold onto the urge, she would end up crying and spent hours in the same position, whether if it’s in her bedroom or somewhere else where no one can see her.

Either way, she knew that someday, she would have to stop her routine.

Her eyes caught upon the sight of a lonely girl standing in front of the convenient store, a cup of hot chocolate in her hand. She smiled, walking faster towards the oblivious girl until she was next to her, unaware of the latter’s presence.

"I see you’ve been waiting for me."

The girl turned around instantly, surprised at the sudden presence of the person she had been waiting for more than twenty minutes. Once she found out it was her, she narrowed her eyes.

"There you are. I’ve been standing here for the last fifteen-"

"Twenty minutes. We promised to meet up at four."

"Last twenty minutes," she said, glaring at the one who corrected her. "And you, out of all people, happen to be so tardy. Where have you been, Jurina? I tried to call you, but you wouldn’t pick up."

"Rena, calm down," Jurina said, taking a drag of her cigar and exhaled in the other direction. "Something came up, and I got a little over my time. My phone was dead, so I guess that’s why you couldn’t reach me."

Rena sighed. “You could have told me that, you know.”

"I’m sorry." Jurina smiled warmly. "I’ll try not to be late again."

"You better," Rena said, glaring at her once more. "Because if you make me wait for another twenty minutes-"

"Oh, would you look at the time. It’s getting late, so let’s go home like, right now," Jurina said, already walking down the street towards both of their houses. Shaking her head, Rena sighed as she caught up with the young girl.

"You’re lucky that I’m being nice to you."

"Aren’t you always being nice to me?" Jurina smirked.

Rena gave her a menacing glare. “Shut up.”

It was an agreement that every day after school has ended and the sports club finished practice, the two would meet up in the same place where they first met. It would often be the same; Rena buying hot chocolate for herself, while Jurina smoked. During the walk home, it was always the younger girl to start the conversation, but at times, Rena would talk about her friends or something she came across on in her life.

Each of the times they walk, Rena had a habit of glancing at Jurina to check if she was paying attention. The smoking girl never interrupted a single sentence coming from Rena, and vice versa. Jurina tried her best to laugh at Rena’s jokes, even though she thought they weren’t funny, while the older girl tried her best to hide the awkwardness as her friend kept taking drags of her cigar.

She never once had a friend that smoked. She always thought people who smoked had a troubled life, and that smoking was the only thing that can calm them down. But when she looked at Jurina, she never noticed a single ounce of pain in the girls eyes. She was always bright, and positive. There wasn’t a moment where Rena would caught her frown, or cry. Which was, in her opinion, strange.

"Okay, so you love books, right? You love them so much that you couldn’t live a single day without them. Right?" Jurina asked, finishing her cigar and throwing it somewhere out of Rena’s sight.

"You could say that. Not sure I would be that melodramatic, but I do love books. Why?" Rena inquired, taking a sip of her hot chocolate.

"So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Of what will I do in the future, and how am I going to live in a life full of success and happiness," Jurina explained. Rena nodded, signaling the girl to continue. "And I have finally decided. I want to be a writer."

"What?" Rene looked at her friend in disbelief. "I’m sorry, but I thought you’ve been in love with sports since you were little, and you come to conclusion and tell me that you want to be a writer?"

"Yes," Jurina said, raising an eyebrow.

"But why? You’ve been dedicated in sports for a long time, I don’t think giving up on it is such a good idea," Rena said, unsure of the girl’s decision.

Jurina smiled. “Why not? I’ve been doing the same thing for the past few years, achieving some success which technically are not for my own satisfaction. Sports is just a hobby, something I would do in my free time. It’s not something I would do for a living.” Jurina paused, turning her view towards Rena. “I want to do something different, something that can both make me happy and satisfied at the same time. I don’t want to do something other people told me to do.”

Rena looked at the other girl in astonishment, nearly forgetting that she was much more mature than her. Two months of spending time with Jurina, and she was still surprised at the high level of maturity the girl had. In those two months, she has learned a thing or two from her. Whether if it’s about life, or social related problems. Sometimes, even about death.

"How are you so sure that writing will make you happy?" Rena asked, curious about the girl’s answer.

"Because I know that you will read my stories. I know that if I ever become a famous writer, a book-person like you would definitely buy my books. No matter how bad they are," Jurina said, her lips tilting into smile. "Making you happy is already enough for me, Matsui Rena. Don’t you ever doubt on that."

A rush of blood ran through her cheeks, creating a bright red color on both sides of her face. Rena felt embarrassed by anyone in her life, especially if that embarrassment made her feel giddy inside. Jurina was the first to ever done that to her. And she liked it.

"You’re such a flirt," Rena said, hiding the blush on her cheeks but failed to do so, causing the other girl to laugh.

"I’ll take that as a compliment, so thank you," Jurina chuckled. An idea came up on her head, causing her to grab the other girl’s hand. "Let’s go to my house."

"Why?" Rena asked, surprised by the sudden hand holding.

"I wanted to show you something. Something I’ve never showed anyone to until now," Jurina said, her expression turned serious at the moment.

An unsure feeling settled upon Rena, wanting to know what was in the other girl’s mind. She looked into her eyes, trying to capture a glimpse of any emotion, but found it hard to do so. A sigh escaped from her lips. “Okay.”

-

It was the first time Rena stepped foot into Jurina’s house.

She never thought how comfortably quiet the place was the moment she took of her shoes, and walked towards the living room. Silence surrounded the room, the shuffles of their own foot was the only sound they heard. Jurina went upstairs to her bedroom in order to change her attire, coming down the stairs wearing a t-shirt and black sweat pants.

Secretly, Rena thought how cute the girl was.

Her eyes continued to admire her friend’s style of clothing at home her eyes came upon both of her arms. They were beautifully white, the skin looking as if it was soft.

That was until she noticed the scars and bruises in the left arm.

"Oh, my God," Rena whispered, standing up from the couch and walking towards the girl, grabbing her arm to see the awful sight right in front of her. "Jurina, what happened? What the hell did you do?"

Jurina chuckled. “I love it when you swear.”

"This isn’t the time to be funny, Jurina." Rena looked into her eyes filled with seriousness and worry. "Tell me what happened…"

She knew it was about time someone knew. Sighing deeply, Jurina let out a force smile before pulling Rena into the couch. “Let’s sit first. I’ll tell you all about it.”

Once they’ve sat down on the couch, Jurina felt her hand still intact with Rena’s so she tried to let go. But the moment she tried to move her hand away, the other girl’s grip tightened. By then, the younger girl thought there was no use fighting and let her hand be held in a warm embrace.

"Jurina…" Rena spoke softly. "Please tell me what happened."

Hearing her name being called, she turned her head to face Rena, the latter’s face filled with worried. Knowing that there was going back now, Jurina took a deep breath and forced a smile.

"I just wanted to say, I’m sorry. Because what I’ve been talking about my parents weren’t true, and I’ve been only lying to you for the past two months," Jurina explained. "They’re not busy, nor they are always out of the country doing their work. They never left me money at home, writing down little notes of their short departure. They never did any of those things. Because they’re already dead."

The grip in her hand loosened, feeling the widened eyes staring at her in shock. ”What?” Rena was left speechless, never thinking that her friend would lie about her own parents.

"It was the start of freshman high school. I had a troubled week with the new kids, and the amount of homework dues for the entire month. I didn’t know why, but there was a deep feeling in my gut when I was walking home and I didn’t know why it was there. So I ignored it, thinking it was nothing. Once I got home, I got a call from my uncle," Jurina paused. "He told me that they died in a car accident on the way to work. I asked him if he was joking, then he started yelling at me for thinking that it was a prank. After the phone call, I cried. I cried, and I cried until I grew tired of crying. The next day, I walked into school feeling like a completely different person, all of the happiness drained out of my body and I was left emotionless like a zombie."

Rena listened intently, immediately feeling bad at the times she tried to mention Jurina’s parents. But the girl took it easily, smiling while recounting stories about how they would often go to new places during the holidays, and how she loved them very much that she would do anything for them. She didn’t know if the stories were true, since Jurina admitted she had been lying about her parents for the past two months, but when she listened to the stories, they didn’t feel fake at all. In fact, they sounded sincere and nostalgic.

"Jurina…"

"My uncle took me in for a few months, then bought this place when he trusted me on living here on my own. Until now, he’s the one who’s been paying the school bill and buying me other things that would keep me living independently," Jurina smiled bitterly. "I once told him that he should stop burdening himself just from helping me, but he told me he doesn’t his niece to live a bittersweet life. So he, along with my aunt and the rest of my family, are the ones that had been looking out for me ever since. That’s when I started hurting myself."

Jurina looked down at the scars on her wrist and arm, gently caressing them as she felt nothing but rough skin. “I never had the intention to kill myself. I never wanted to end my life, even after all the shit that has happened. I just wanted to hurt myself,” Jurina chuckled. “Weird, isn’t it? But I like it. The stinging pain running up my arm is rather calming. It helps me through dark times, saving my mind from going insane. I even slit my own palm just to know how it feels.”

Rena could only watch and silently listened at the devastating story the younger girl was telling, a sense of deep loneliness and heartache longed in her words. As if the girl tried her best to hide her feelings for so long. Jurina suffered so much at such a young age, and Rena couldn’t help but show her sympathy at the girl.

Standing up from the couch, the older girl walked towards the kitchen while the younger girl noticed her. “What are you doing?”

"Where do you keep the knife?" Rena’s voice emitted from the kitchen, causing Jurina to wonder what was the other girl trying to do. Before she had the chance to say anything, she was cut off. "Found it!" Walking back into the room, Jurina’s heartbeat quickened as her eyes came upon the knife in Rena’s hand. She stood up, confused on the other girl’s antics until a hand forced her body back down to the couch.

Rena calmly sat down beside her, rolling her sleeve up as the knife’s tip glistened at the light shining from the window. Fear ran through her mind as she had second thoughts, but she knew it was already too late to back down.

"Rena… Rena, what are you…" Jurina’s voice trailed off as she saw the sharp object making contact upon the soft skin that belonged to Rena.

She bit her lower lip, closing both of her eyes when a stinging pain shot up from her wrist, the cold sharp metal slowly grazing on the skin. Tears formed in her eyes as the pain increased, feeling a warm fluid leaking out onto her hand. Slowly opening her eyes, her breathing hitched as the sight of a bleeding cut on her wrist bestowed upon her.

She knew that the pain will be temporary, but the cut would last forever. Looking at the palm of her hand, she remembered that Jurina once slit her palm when she wanted to know how it feels like. Curiosity took her over, and Rena found herself slitting her own palm in one quick movement.

She looked at Jurina, feeling as if she accomplished a great success, and was met with wide eyes and a shock-filled face. Rena saw the younger girl’s hand, revealing an old cut lying on the base of her palm. As she saw it, she took Jurina’s hand with her injured one and hold it in a tight embrace.

“You don’t need to feel the pain by yourself anymore,” Rena said, staring intently at Jurina’s eyes. “Because right now, we’re the same.”

Both of them didn’t know how long did they hold onto their staring contest.

Both of them didn’t noticed how they slowly leaned in. Until they felt their lips met one another.

The two girls never kissed anyone. They realized that love was something that they should experience later in life, and finding it in a very young age might ruined the true meaning behind the four-letter word. But when they kissed, they knew that this was the first time they touch their lips with someone else. People also said that there will be a spark when you kissed someone you love. For them, it was more than that. It’s something precious, life-changing. And also beautiful.

The kiss deepened, both of them longing for each other’s touches. Their tongue fought for dominance, as their hands wandered off to one another’s body. Rena moaned, feeling as if she was in cloud nine and wishing that Jurina was feeling the same thing she’s having. Thankfully, the younger girl did.

The innocent kiss turned into a passionate make-out session, enjoying the light touches and sensation between the lust-filled tongue embrace.

Rena didn’t know that she would be staying in the girl’s house a little bit longer than she thought.

:::

Graduation Day

“Rena, come on! Take a picture with us!”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a sec,” Rena shouted back at her friends, looking at her uncle with a wide smile. “I think you should wait for a little while. We’ll have our special celebration at home later, I promise.”

“Ah, don’t hurry yourself,” her mother said. “Have fun with your friends first. And I remember someone saying that she wants to have a little alone time with her girlfriend.”

“Mom! I didn’t say that…” Rena said in denial, hiding the blush on her face which caused her mother to chuckle in amusement.

“I’m just kidding. Have fun, dear,” her mother said, giving her a kiss on the forehead. “Just call me if you need anything.”

“Will do,” Rena smiled. And with that, her mother left. Turning back towards her friends, she ran off into their direction. “Guys, wait for me!”

“Come on, we’re about to take a picture!” Yuki said, waving her hand up in the air signaling the girl to be quick while her other hand was holding onto Mayu’s. The cyborg smiled at the running girl, nodding her head as Rena finally arrived at them while the latter did the same with a warm smile.

“Stop smiling at each other, and get in the frame!” Yuki exclaimed, earning a chuckle from the two girls. Positioning themselves in front of the camera, they readied themselves as the timer was running backwards starting from the number five. As Rena finally decided to smile widely for the picture, she felt a pair of lips landing on her left cheek. And the camera captured at the perfect time.

“What the…” Rena turned her head towards the culprit, immediately narrowing her eyes when she saw who it was. “You are one sneaky little girl.”

“Well, I am sneaky, but I’m sure as hell I’m not little,” Jurina smirked. Her hands wrapped around the other girl’s waist, pulling her closer so that their faces were inches apart. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Rena said, feeling herself smiling like an idiot. “Come on, let’s go to the roof.”

“We’re not going to have sex up there, right?” Jurina asked, which earned her a hard slap in the arm.

“You and your dirty mind, of course we won’t,” Rena glared. “Isn’t it normal to spend some quality time with my lover?”

“Ah, I love it when you use that word,” Jurina smirked. “Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go to the rooftop, then.”

The two of them disappeared from the sea of crowd, running hand in hand as they pass through hallways and classes that both had special memories in their hearts. Indeed, they will miss the school, but it’s not like they’re never going to come here again. They both knew that in life, you have to live on and leave what you’ve done in the past. School was just one step of becoming something more than a regular person.

And they believe, with the enough willpower and dedication, they will be what they had always wanted to be. A person with big dreams.

They finally reached the rooftop, breathing in the fresh air as both of them, still hand in hand, walked over towards the railing and looked down at the huge gathering of students and parents enjoying their time at the graduation ceremony.

Today was both a happy and sad time, partly because another step up in life will be made once all of the former high school students walked into the university stage and partly because they will go along in different paths and being far away from the friends they have made along the school year.

Rena sighed. She will missed everything about high school.

“Jurina.”

The latter turned her head towards the other girl, smiling slightly. “Yes?”

“Do you feel nostalgic all of a sudden?” Rena said, not looking up from the sight below them as she recounts the good and the bad days that happened during the school year.

Jurina chuckled. “Of course. Everyone feels like they will leave a part of themselves when they left high school. The final years of training to become who you are, like my dad once said. I actually believed at every word he said to me.” She looked down at the people below them, a growing sense of sadness made her took a deep breath and sighed. “I’m going to miss this freaking place.”

Rena laughed, turning her full body so that’s she facing Jurina and kissed the girl’s cheek.

“Thank you.”

Jurina turned her body as well, her smile widened as she let out a small chuckle. “For what?”

The older girl pulled her body closer to her lover, leaning in until her lips met Jurina’s. The kiss lasted not too long, but it was sweet and sincere, and their foreheads touched.

“For everything.”

-

It was quite funny how in the next two years, the girl still kept her promise in being a professional writer. In total, Rena had a total of two books both written by Jurina placed in her bookshelf.

In Rena’s opinion, the two books were amazing. One was romantic comedy, and the other was a crime mystery, both of which sparked her interest when she found them in the local bookstore near her apartment. Every day, she went home after taking classes at the university she applied into and spent the rest of her day reading Jurina’s book. And after she was done, she read the other book. When she was finished with the both of them, she returned back to studying. But she had been patiently waiting for a new book to be released.

Rena had already moved out of Nagoya a week after graduation, leaving her friends and memories in the place where she was born and raised. She made sure she would often visit her birthplace in the holidays, so that she wouldn’t feel homesick. But even though Christmas was a month away, her longing to come back home was killing her.

She missed Jurina. It has been two weeks since they last texted each other.

Knowing the girl’s current occupation was a writer, she knew the busy schedules the girl needs to attend and because of that, both of them couldn’t chat for a couple of days, or a week in maximum. Rena missed the girl very much that she prayed that the holidays would start soon, so that she could go back home and spend Christmas with her family, friends, and lover.

Fourteen days without communication bothered her. Jurina never took this long to be away at work.

As the thought of something bad might happen towards the girl, Rena couldn’t focus on her studies and slept late at night wondering what had happened that caused Jurina to be missing. She didn’t knew why, but a bad feeling in her stomach told her that she needs to come back to Nagoya as soon as possible.

Thinking it was just due to stress and homesickness, Rena shook the thought out of her mind. She didn’t want to have any negative thoughts in her mind, considering the amount of paper work needed to be done. She thought that she was just over-thinking too much.

Until she received a call from Mayu.

“Moshi moshi.”

“Rena? It’s me, Mayu.”

“Mayu-chan! It’s been so long, how are you? You don’t know how much I miss your voice right now!”

A chuckled was heard from the other line. “I miss you too, Rena. When are you coming home? Everyone’s waiting for you.”

“I’m not sure, I’ve been really busy lately with assignments and I couldn’t find a single free day. Hopefully, I’m coming home a week before Christmas.”

“Ah, that’s great,” Mayu said. “But, I think it’s best if you come here sooner.”

“Really? Why?”

There was a pause in the other line. “It’s something really important. Trust me, I think you should come here tomorrow. Just for awhile is fine.”

“Oh. Um, okay. Tomorrow’s a free day so I guess I could come.”

“Great. I’ll come pick you up in the train station then tomorrow. Tell me when are you going to arrive, okay?”

“Yes ma’am. I will. See you tomorrow.”

“Alrighty. See you, Rena-chan.”

Tomorrow came by quicker than usual, with Rena being overly-excited that she would come and visit Nagoya even if it’s just for awhile. She missed the place where she had spent the majority of her life at, she missed her parents, she missed her friends. It made her feel even more happy that she would get to visit Jurina. Ever since the last time they chat, Rena has longed for a text or call from the girl. Now, seeing that she would get to meet her face-to-face, was more than enough for her.

Her unconscious smile widened as she walked out of the train, in her hand was a small bag of luggage having nothing but a pair of sleeping clothes and bathroom utensils. She waited at the parking lot for awhile, until she saw the black Mercedes driving up in front of her. The owner of the car walked out of the vehicle, a smile plastered on her face.

“Is this a dream, or is that Matsui Rena I’m looking at in front of me?” Mayu joked, walking towards the taller girl and giving her a tight hug.

Rena giggled, returning the hug. “I miss you too, Mayu.” They pulled out of the embrace after a couple of seconds. “I’ve seen that you’ve grown taller now,”

“So I’ve heard,” Mayu chuckled. “Come on, I’ll put the bag in the back of the car.”

Once they had settled in the vehicle, Mayu started the car and both of them drove away from the train station. Rena’s eyes kept staring outside the windshield, memories of her birthplace flashed in her mind as a sense of nostalgia gave her a wide smile on her face.

“What’s with that smile on your face?” Mayu’s voice snapped her out of her trance. Rena turned her head, her smile never leaving her face

“I’m just glad that I’m home,” Rena said. “So, where are we going?”

A sad smile formed on the other girl’s lips.

“You’ll see.”

-

It was a short drive from the train station to the parking lot of a place Rena couldn’t quite recall, the moment she stepped out of the car, a gust of wind blew around the place making some leaves on the ground being taken away. The silence was eerie, as she only saw a few cars parked in the area. Confusion struck her as she had no idea what was she doing here.

“Hey. Are you coming?”

Rena turned her head towards the voice, seeing Mayu already a few feet away from the car. She nodded. “Yeah, I’m coming.”

When they first arrived at the entrance, Rena noticed that they were in a graveyard.

Questions filled the corners of her mind, silently wondering why in the world are they in a place where the deceased are taken care of. She didn’t ask out loud, as she only followed Mayu right behind her as they continued to walk through gravestone by gravestone in silence.

Rena halted her pace when she felt Mayu stopping in front of her. “Why did we stop?”

Mayu turned to her, a sad smile forming on her face as she let out a sigh. “Take a look.”

She pointed at the gravestone next to her feet, and my eyes followed to where they were pointing. Only to found herself widening her eyes, and covering her mouth with both hands as she saw who’s gravestone was it.

It was Jurina’s.

Time seemed to stop as she stared at the horrifying truth in front of her, the amount of shock was beyond what she had hoped for. She came to Nagoya because she wanted to meet her parents, her friends and the person she loved the most. She had her spirits up, hoping to finally meet Jurina after two years of separation, two years of loneliness, two years of longing. Only to find her hopes flushed down the drain, as she felt her eyes getting watery at the sight of her lover’s own grave.

Rena kneeled down beside the gravestone, feeling the rough texture of the stone in her hand as she stared at the girl’s name printed in bold letters, the date and year of her birth along with her death below it. The grave was covered by small petals of flowers, meaning that someone has been taking care of it ever since.

Rena stayed silent, her lips quivering as she was close to breaking down.

“She never told you, didn’t she?” Mayu’s voice rang through her ears, but Rena continued to be quiet. Mayu sighed. “One of her parents had lung cancer, and Jurina was unlucky enough to be passed on. Right after her parents died, she had a medical checkup and… the doctor said that she was positive.”

Rena quietly listened to Mayu’s story, her fingers gently caressing the gravestone.

“It didn’t take long after you moved to Tokyo that the cancer kicked in. Everyone, even you parents were really worried about her condition and took her to the hospital. She stayed there for more than a month, but was able to write two books during her critical state. That girl has always been stubborn as hell,” Mayu chuckled dryly.

“But the night before she died, she told me to give you this. It’s a letter, but she didn’t want me to read it. She wanted to be you to read it first, and then once you’re done, you can share it to me and everyone else.” Mayu took out a piece of folded paper, and extended it towards Rena. The latter looked at the paper, then slowly took it.

“I’ll be waiting in the car. Call me if you need anything, okay?” Mayu said, forcing a smile on her face as she patted her hand on Rena’s shoulder. Receiving no response from the other girl, she quietly walked away from the grave and leave Rena in her thoughts.

She looked down at the letter below, her hands slightly shaking due to the shock. She hesitated on opening it, but curiosity beat her to it and she found herself slowly opening the folded paper.

Her lips twitched that it was written Jurina’s own handwriting.

It didn’t take long before she started kneel down on the grave, silently crying her heart out with the crumbled paper in her hand as she realized that the girl she fell in love with, the girl stopped her habit for smoking, was gone.

-

Dear Rena,

I know that this is kind of old-fashioned, but the doctor wouldn’t let me call you even though I desperately need to. So, I’m giving this to Mayu so that she can give it to you.

I’m really, really sorry.

I wish that I could see your face again, hear your adorable laugh and spend most of my short time being with you as the clock of death inevitably awaits me to deliver me to the heavens above. This stupid illness isn’t anyone’s fault, not even yours or mine. It’s life, and sometimes, we don’t always get what you want.

I love you. I really love you. You don’t know how hard it is to not think of you every night, picturing your smiling face in front of me, feeling the warmth of your embrace. I’m forever sad that you are not home anymore, and now residing in Tokyo. But you chased you dream, and I’m proud of you. I love the times we had together, even if they were short. But I want you to know that, even though I’m not in this world anymore, I don’t want you to forget about me. You’re my first love. Please don’t ever try to forget about me.

Matsui Rena, I hope you have a good life. I will see you soon. If not, maybe fifty years from now.

‘You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am for our little infinity.’

Love,

Jurina
I'm just a guy who likes writing fanfictions, makes music and has a healthy obsession for melonpan | Matsui Rena is my Oshimen! ^^

Twitter: http://twitter.com/AryaMachdi
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Offline RenshuChan

  • Jurina's secret crush ~
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Re: [Machdi-san's FanFics]: Goodbye, My Lover (WMatsui)
« Reply #102 on: June 01, 2014, 02:46:15 PM »
It was freaking sad!

But the smoking Jurina sounded cool, hot, badass B-)

As expected from you, great story as always Machdi-san (∩_∩)

Offline Minami-chan

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Re: [Machdi-san's FanFics]: Goodbye, My Lover (WMatsui)
« Reply #103 on: November 24, 2014, 11:37:27 PM »
oh!! I don´t read these last two stories. I like it!!!
Plis don´t forget to update : Creaks at Night

Offline gek geki

  • 松井玲奈 松井玲奈 松井玲奈 松井玲奈
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Re: [Machdi-san's FanFics]: Goodbye, My Lover (WMatsui)
« Reply #104 on: November 29, 2014, 10:30:21 AM »
Gooooooood

Offline Kirozoro

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  • WMatsui, Atsumina, Mayuki couple forever!!
Re: [Machdi-san's FanFics]: Goodbye, My Lover (WMatsui)
« Reply #105 on: December 01, 2014, 04:56:01 AM »
Omg shuch a sad story~~~

I love how you tell the story....great grammar? XD

Offline wmatsuified

  • MATSUI RENA OSHI ♥ WMatsui, Mayuki, Kojiyuu, Sayamilky
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Re: [Machdi-san's FanFics]: Goodbye, My Lover (WMatsui)
« Reply #106 on: February 08, 2015, 01:53:00 PM »
OMG ALL THESE BAND SONGS james dean and audrey hepburn, sorry by sws. Intoxicated by the cab, ever enough and like we used to by arttm, I LOVED IT also the os with the script songs. Your One shots are mostly sad tho PLEASE WRITE MORE OS RELATED TO BAND SONGS (LIKE MAYDAY PARADE SONGS LOL)  :bow:
Matsui Rena & Matsui Jurina
AKB48 SNSD | Band freak~

Offline daph

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  • atsumina
Re: [Machdi-san's FanFics]: Goodbye, My Lover (WMatsui)
« Reply #107 on: March 06, 2020, 11:33:46 PM »
really liked your atsumina fic !

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