Welcome to the last part of my special KojiYuu christmas twoshot!
I forgot to tell you guys that on 23rd of December was my birthday, and I turned 14
I wanna thank my friends who joined in on the fun with me, it was really awesome!
Anyways, here's the last part of the twoshot! Enjoy, and don't forget to follow me on Twitter!
http://twitter.com/AryaMachdi--
Dear Christmas (2 of 2)
Of all days I would meet her in a random place at a random time, it just had to be today.
Ever felt like having a good day over a month full of stress and exhaustion and the next thing you knew, something came up and ruins the entire day. It was the same feeling I’m having right now, except it’s not a ‘thing’ that ruined the day. It’s a person.
In my mind, I was thinking if I didn’t look at her direction and simply ignore her until she goes out of the cafe, I would be fine. But every time I drew my eyes downwards while looking at my hot drink, I couldn’t help but kept sneaking glances at her direction. Even though she broke my heart and I started to grow this hatred for her, I would be lying if I thought she wasn’t looking very beautiful wearing her winter clothes.
"I’ll have the hot chocolate, please."
I heard Haruna ordering a drink at the counter from the same girl I ordered my cafe latte from. Was it just me, or is it strange that I call her by her real name? Maybe I’m just used to calling her by her nickname, that calling her ‘Haruna’ sounded a little formal and strange. Like it sounded different. Haruna. Nyan Nyan.
I should stop arguing about what to call her. It felt stupid as it was.
She leaned against the counter, her finger tapping as she waited for her order while looking around the cafe as if trying to search for a comfortable spot to sit. I silently prayed that she won’t notice me, because apparently the distance between my table and the counter was pretty short. So basically, the odds aren’t entirely in my favor.
I saw her head turning into my direction, and for a brief second, our eyes met. That is until I quickly looked away, looking like a fool of myself as I stared down at my cup of cafe latte. Shit, I’ve been spotted.
Taking a sip of my drink as I tried to calm myself down and ignoring the rapid beating of my heart, I kept assuring myself that it’ll be fine. If she comes here, all I have to do was act natural and try to act as if I don’t care anymore. Then again, I would act cold to her, which wasn’t a big deal also. I took a sip again, my drink almost finished. I felt like I want more, but I have coffee at home so that won’t be a burden anymore.
A shadow cast down over the table, as I could the distinguish figure hovering above me. I couldn’t run away anymore. I already know who it was.
"Yuko."
I looked up, expecting the unexpected. It was her. Looking down on me with a smile so innocent, I don’t think I could ever hate her for a long time. She had a red scarf around her neck, followed by her casual winter clothes. Though simple, she indeed looked amazing. With the rays of morning sunlight piercing through the window and reflecting her appearance above me, in my eyes, she looked like something that came out of my dreams. The love of my life.
But of course, I remembered to keep my mask on.
"Hey, Nyan Nyan." I replied, my voice sounding different that it used to be. A lot more colder, and no sign of friendliness. I thought I saw Haruna flinching, but that could be my imagination.
She looked at the empty seat in front of me, already knowing what she was going to say. “Is this seat taken?”
I took a sip of my drink, my eyes were never looking at her since the beginning. I laid down the glass on top of the small plate that comes with the drink. “It wasn’t taken until you came.”
"So, may I sit here?" Haruna asked.
"I didn’t ask for you to-" I finally looked up at her, ready to rejecting her offer
"May I sit here?" Haruna demanded, her expression turned serious. She was rarely serious at most times except if it concerns about the group or her modelling career, then I would recommend to take her seriously. I’ve seen her being serious at times and whenever I tried to joke around, she would often scold or yell at me for being such a child. I didn’t mind, as long as she has her attention on me then I’d be fine.
Thinking that saying ‘no’ won’t be a good answer, I gave in with a sigh and allowed her to sit. “Fine. Sit down.”
Her expression turned back to normal, taking her scarf off of her neck in the process. “Thank you,” Haruna said, sitting down on the sit in front of me. Settling down the cup of hot chocolate on the table, she blew the drink for cooling the hot liquid with her mouth and took a sip. She let out a silent sigh of satisfaction. Now, I wanted some hot chocolate.
Haruna looked at my empty cup as I was busy looking at the people walking along the street, and lightly pushed the drink across the table. “Do you want some?”
I shook my head, giving her a brief smile while lightly giving back the drink to her. I crossed both of my arms around my chest. “It’s okay, Nyan Nyan. I just finished my cafe latte, so I still feel fool. But, thanks for offering.”
She smiled at me warmly A little too warmly, perhaps. “How are you, Yuko?”
I began to think what I had been doing in the past week. I had been sulking in my bed for as long as I can imagine, thinking of how everything went wrong all because of one breakup. I had been crying my eyes out for hours as I continuously read our old texts, thinking if my love for her was just as useless as trash. I had been hiding under the shadows, hearing the fucking whispers in the walls, demanding me to end it all in one simple swipe of a knife to the neck. I had been having depressed thoughts, mood swings and a hell of a problems in the group. I don’t eat normally, nor do I drink. These past weeks were a living hell for me.
I knew she wouldn’t want to hear all of that.
So instead, I only give her a three-word answer. “I’m doing fine.”
I knew she wouldn’t buy my answer, I knew it because she looked at me with a suspicious look, signaling that I’m lying to the teeth. But who could blame her, in all of seriousness. “What do you mean by that?”
"It means I’m doing just fine, Nyan Nyan. There’s no need for another explanation of how I’m doing now." I said, not liking where this conversation was going. I’m already in a bad mood, and I don’t need to get even more moody just because of her.
"Come on, Yuko. I know you too well that I recognized how you’ve been acting these days," Haruna said, her voice sounded obvious and slightly irritated. "There is no way you could be fine and cheerful like always after the breakup-"
"Never. Say that word again. You hear me?" I cut her off, feeling the anger inside of me ready to explode. "If you want me to be fine and cheerful again, then don’t ever mention about it. Hell, don’t ever mention about everything we did and said during those months of, what do you call it, love? I’m trying hard to forget about it, and you should too."
I noticed how shocked Haruna was when I blurt out every single thing I felt the urge to say out loud right in front of her face, but I’m glad I did. If I didn’t say anything to her at all, I would probably be a depressed wreck. I needed to blow off some steam somehow, so I felt relieved when I finished my sentence.
Still looking dumbfounded, she looked at me with worry. “Is this about us? After all this time?”
I rolled my eyes in irritation, feeling annoyed that she finally caught up with the situation just now. “Well, is there anything that I should be thinking of besides the fact the you fucking played with my heart as if I was some toy, then leaving me as if you never felt anything towards me?” When she didn’t answered my question with an even surprised expression, even though it didn’t need to be answered, I nodded my head. “Exactly,” I said coldly, getting up from my seat while I started to wear my winter coat. “It’s been nice talking with you, Nyan Nyan. Hope you have a nice day.”
I started to walk away from the table, heading towards the exit. I kept hearing my name being called out by Haruna, but I didn’t acknowledge her. I just kept wearing this emotionless face, and walked normally with both of my hands shoved into the pockets of my coat.
I chuckled sadly. Feeling the tears forming in my eyes, I quickly wiped them away before other people could see them.
Who knew that the person I love most could do the most damage for my heart?
-
"You’ve reach the number of Oshima Yuko. Leave a message, and I promise to call you back!"
"Hi, Yuko. It’s me, Nyan Nyan. Listen, I’m sorry about this morning. I didn’t know you were still not over about that… But it’s not what you think, trust me. I could explain everything if you just give me a chance to talk to you. I will come by to your house later today. I’ll see you later, Yuko."
Nyan Nyan. This isn’t a good time to talk.
I just want her to understand that I don’t want anymore of this. I just want to move on. Move on, and continue my career of being an idol and pursuing my future dreams. Not getting stuck in a dilemma in which I can’t get rid of. Maybe it was my time to take a break from her, take a break from love. Maybe.
I shifted around the bed, trying to get a comfortable position where I could sleep in peace. But I couldn’t, as my head was filled with nauseatic thoughts that I begged to stop. Kicking the sheets off of my body aggressively, I hold the sudden urge to scream. The urge to break everything in sight. The urge to jump off from my roof and landed on the cold hard ground with a splat, my blood leaking out from my lifeless body.
These thoughts. They kept me up every single night. And I just want them to stop.
God damn it, please make it stop.
I gripped my head, feeling the need to rip my own hair out and cry as long as I can. But I already wasted all my tears, and now I couldn’t cry anymore. My eyes were red and sore, my breathing was abnormal and fast, I feel like a crazed patient in a mental asylum. But I’m not crazy.
I’m not fucking crazy.
"Yuko, open the door!"
I shook out of my thoughts, immediately shot up from my bed and stood up with my half-asleep legs. Haruna? She still came?
"Yuko, please. Open up."
Maybe I was so caught up in my thoughts, the whispers threatening me in their sinister ways, that I didn’t her the door bell ringing and the loud knocking as well. I’m beginning to lose my grip on reality as we know it. Slowly yet carefully, I walked out my room and head towards the front door, the god-awful headache never stopped throbbing my head.
I gripped on the door knob, and opened it slowly, the cold steel rubbing underneath my shaky hands. I could feel myself wanting to vomit in a matter of seconds, but I hold it in. I peeked outside of the door, and low and behold, it was Haruna.
"What do you want?" I said, my voice came out weak and dry. I coughed a little loudly, making her flinch in surprise.
"I come here to talk to you. Didn’t you get my message?" Haruna asked, looking at me with a lot more worry than this morning. I coughed a little, feeling my throat beginning to sore.
"Yeah, I did," I said, coughing again. I feel my whole body began to feel weak, my forehead dripping cold sweat. I opened the door more wider, so that I could see her clearly. "It’s okay, Nyan Nyan. You don’t need to…"
I feel the weigh of gravity taking over me, as I feel myself beginning to fall down the floor.
Everything turned dark. I couldn’t see anything as my eyes slowly flutter on their own. But, somehow I felt someone holding onto me. Haruna.
"Yuko! Yuko, what’s wrong?"
Her voice was like an echo at the other side of the tunnel, it started to fade as I feel myself losing my grip on reality. I couldn’t force out a word. I couldn’t do anything.
"Yuko…"
Her voice was the only thing I heard before everything went dark.
.
.
.
"How is she?"
"She’s a remarkable person. One of the luckiest, to be honest. She had been ill for almost a whole month, and she hadn’t been eating or sleeping during that period of time. My theory is that she’s been having troubled thoughts, and due to the lack of food in her body, her thoughts affected her physical condition. That, and she’s being too exhausted at work."
"So… will she be okay?"
"From what I see now, she will be alright. She’ll just need some time being treated here, maybe get some more food for her. Until then, I will continue to check up on her if my schedule’s not busy."
"Thank you so much… but, may I see her?"
"Oh, yes. You may see her, but do keep in mind. She’s had a tiring month, so please don’t make a ruckus."
"I won’t, sir. Thank you."
-
She looked fine.
Even she looked incredibly tired, her face worn out with bags under her eyes and the constant sweat dribbling down her forehead, she looked normal. Just like the Yuko I know.
And now, she’s here. Laying in the hospital bed, unconscious. With no signs of life. Hanging in the line between life and death. I could be over dramatic now, but I won’t be if she dies.
As for now, all I could do was wait. All I could do was hold her hand, and look at her with so much guilt and regret. I silently cried, because it feels like the right thing to do when I have the person I love suffering because of me.
I didn’t mean for all of this to happen.
I broke up with her… just so I could give her something special on Christmas.
I saved up all my money to buy a large apartment for the two of us to live in. I even planned to graduate so that I could pay off the rents and bills we will have once we move there. I can imagine her face as I pulled her into the building. She would cry tears of joy, hug me so tightly, kiss me passionately and couldn’t hold on the urge to continue it in our future bedroom.
Now, I can’t see her smile anymore. All because of me.
The silence couldn’t make up how deeply sorry I am.
Is it okay if I could trade places with her? I want to know what it feels like for Yuko to be suffering this bad.
God, why can’t it be that easy…
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Stop with the beeping. I need to hear her heart beating.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
"Nyan Nyan…"
My eyes widened in shock. My head shot up, praying to God that this isn’t a dream and not my imagination.
It was her. Awake from her slumber.
"Yuko!"
I didn’t hesitate once more to hug her tightly in my arms.
I cried. I cried, and I didn’t feel embarrassed by it. I’m just glad that I get to see her, to hold her again like we used to, to hear her lovely voice in my ears. There was nothing in this world I could feel lost with except her.
"I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to…"
I poured all my emotions out with my tears, in order for her to see how guilty I was to make her suffer much more than I expected. Yuko might be a forgivable person, but I still feel guilty about everything I did to her the past month. I wish saying sorry was as easy as giving her a kiss.
I felt her hand stroking my hair softly, her arms wrapping around my body as I began to cry even louder.
"It’s okay, Nyan Nyan…" She whispered weakly. "I couldn’t stay mad at you forever, you know. I love you too much to get angry with you…"
Her hand continued to stroke my hair as she kept embracing me when my cries turned into sniffs, my tears staining her clothes. I hoped she didn’t mind.
"Nyan Nyan…"
I pulled away from the embrace, looking at her eyes. They were tired but still full of love. She slowly showed her warm smile to me, her hand digging for something under the blanket. When she pulled out the object in her hand, I didn’t know what to react until she spoke up.
"Merry Christmas."
She opened the small box in her hand, and I saw what was inside. My eyes began to tear up again. I planned myself to only give her the Christmas present, but never expected her to also give me one.
"Yuko…"
It was a golden necklace. With the initials ‘H & Y’ painted in bright, sparkly gold.
Holding the urge to sob again, but this time in happiness, I saw her lips forming into a smile so genuine that I knew for sure that she still loves me, even after all she has been through so much. She picked up the necklace from the small red box, set the box down on the bed and held the necklace in front of me. It shimmered beautifully under the hospital light.
"Allow me," Yuko said weakly, and I allowed to put the necklace around my neck as I tried my very best to not cry again. I felt her fingers brushing against my neck when she finished putting the necklace on me. Feeling her hand on my cheek and gently caressing it, she couldn’t stop smiling at me with her eyes looking at me with so much love.
"I was about to give you this on our anniversary, but… I didn’t get a chance to give you this when you left me."
I let the tears flow out of my eyes, as I couldn’t them any longer. It was a gift. She was about to give it to me, before I broke up with her. I remembered that she wanted to tell me something but I cut her off and tell her it was over.
How could I be so cruel to her?
"It’s a good thing I didn’t get into a coma, or I wouldn’t have give you this now," She said, chuckling lightly at the little joke at the end of her sentence. She leaned in closer to me, and kissed me in the forehead. And that’s when I realized how much I missed her kisses.
She looked at me deeply into my eyes, as I look at hers. We were caught up in a moment of clarity, and I couldn’t help but couldn’t feel mesmerized by just looking at her eyes.
"I love you."
And I have the right to say it back. “I love you too.”
As our lips touched, I knew for sure that both of us get what we wanted for Christmas. It might not be as good as the apartment I bought for us, but what’s most important was our love.
It never died, and it never faded. It just got lost in transition along the way.
Topic: [Machdi-san's FanFics]: Goodbye, My Lover (WMatsui) (Read 45526 times)