CHAPTER 17
Rena took a seat in the last row of the SKE theater, and watched pensively the empty stage in front of her. She had performed so many times in the past on this stage. The first years, SKE was just a new formed sister group of AKB, and this small stage was the only place where the group could sing frequently.
A nostalgic feeling spread through her chest. This place held so many memories. It was where everything started for SKE. Rena still remembered vividly performing the first times in front of a half empty theater.
Nevertheless, it never affected her enthusiasm. Each time, no matter how many people were present, she gave her very best. After all, that was what they were taught to do. To demonstrate SKE’s energetic side everyday on stage. To always have a broad smile on their lips, no matter how much their shirt was soaked with sweat after an exhausting two-hour concert.
And that’s precisely what she did. She gave everything she had during rehearsal and on stage. It didn’t matter that she was at first positioned at the back, and that the audience could barely see her. The view at the back gave her a unique angle: she could watch the other members dancing. Admire an eleven Jurina thriving to do her best and leading the group at the front.
Despite her very young age, Jurina had incredible energy and charisma. Not one complaint ever left her lips. She wasn’t afraid of physically demanding choreographies. Their dancing coach’s relentlessness didn’t deter her either. She worked hard every day, until she was completely satisfied with herself.
Jurina’s unfailing motivation propelled Rena into surpassing herself. When times were hard and Rena’s body was hurting so much she couldn’t help the tears from falling, Jurina didn’t stop. She kept on. Danced through the energetic choreography, no matter how many times their coach asked them to rehearse it again. Rena simply knew she couldn’t give up when she looked at Jurina. She was her driving force.
And, one day, Rena got offered a front position. After all these years, she still didn’t understand why she was chosen to be paired with Jurina. Without contest, there were better dancers and singers in the group. In fact, she could name a dozen of girls who could have easily occupied her spot.
Yes, she was a hard working person. But she was definitely not an exception. Everyone worked hard to meet their coach’s demands. There was no place whatsoever for laziness in SKE. Every girl was well aware of it. Their energy was their trademark.
In the end, Rena stopped wondering why she was chosen and decided to relish her new position. It truly happened when she least expected it, and she seized the opportunity with gratitude.
SKE's popularity increased progressively, and the girls were able to perform in larger venues. The Nagoya Dome was their biggest achievement. It took years to get here but finally, they could compete with AKB. They did not have to stay in its shadow anymore. SKE had success. They were playing in the big league. People seemed to love SKE’s unique, very energetic side. Popular members had lots of fans coming to see them during handshake events.
Rena was more than happy that SKE finally had reached a certain level of fame. However, it also meant she saw the inside of the SKE theater less and less. Indeed, her growing popularity prevented her from standing on this stage as much as before. With her busy schedule, she simply couldn’t perform every week. In fact, much as she searched in her head, she couldn’t recall the last time she stood on this stage.
A few staff members suddenly appeared on stage, and Rena knew they were preparing the place for tonight’s Team KII concert. Her nostalgia progressively gave way to melancholia. Even if she spent less and less time on this stage as the years went by, it would always hold a special meaning to her. This is where it all started for the 1st generation of SKE back in 2008.
And it was the place where it would end for a particular member of the Team KII. The person she considered as her best friend in the world. A girl who had joined SKE only a year after her: Airi Furukawa. Tonight would be the last time she would sing and dance in front of an audience. Today, the 15th of January, was her graduation concert.
Rena was feeling slightly nervous about what was going to happen tonight. It had only been a month since Airi announced officially her graduation. Why did she have to leave the group so fast? In her opinion, it felt rushed. However, Rena knew perfectly well that Airi was not at fault. When it came to SKE activities, management planned everything. Members didn’t have a voice in the decision-making process.
Rena wanted to voice her disapproval when the graduation date was officially announced to the other members of the group. She didn’t understand why it was taking place at such an early stage of 2016. Despite the words that were threatening to fall from her lips, she remained silent. No matter how popular she had become in the group over the years, she had no influence whatsoever on their management’s decisions.
Rena took a peek at her phone, and discovered there was still an hour until the beginning of the concert. She had arrived a bit early today, not wishing to be late for this special event. After that, she observed again distractively the staff members who were checking the lights, and making sure the moving stages were working properly. Her phone suddenly vibrated, and the text she received made her stand up at once. Her best friend had arrived.
Airi looked up from her book when she heard the door of the dressing room opening, and saw Rena appearing. They exchanged a genuine smile, until the older Matsui took her coat off, and came to sit by her side. For now, they were the only two members present in the room.
“I see I’m not the only one who arrived way too early,” Airi noted with a soft chuckle.
When Rena told her a few weeks ago that she would do everything in her power to be present for her graduation concert, she felt deeply moved. After all, she was well aware that the older Matsui had a busy schedule. Moreover, the graduation date had been set very early after the announcement.
Airi would lie if she said the date had not surprised her. She expected to have at least three months left in the group. Nevertheless, she didn’t protest. She accepted the date with a polite smile, and went through the graduation process obediently. Photoshoots, interviews, last handshake events. She barely had time to breathe during this month.
“I’m particularly glad I was able to make it,” Rena answered, letting out a small sigh in relief. “Until a few days ago, I wasn’t sure I could.”
“I’m happy you’ll be on stage with me tonight,” Airi said sincerely, taking Rena’s hand and squeezing it lightly.
“You deserved better than that rushed departure,” Rena murmured. “You were captain of Team KII, and in the group since 2009.”
Airi distinguished fully the displeasure in her friend’s voice. Even though they had barely been able to see each other this last month - being each of them caught up in their own busy schedule - they had had this particular conversation once before. It happened in December, merely a few days after the date was announced. Rena was not only surprised about it: she was unhappy.
In fact, it almost looked like her friend was more impacted by the date than herself. Yes, she was startled to learn she would graduate so soon, but it didn’t bother her so much. Her mind was already set on her future. Of course, she would always keep a fond memory of all these years she spent in the idol group. After all, it was a big part of her life.
However, it was now time to move on. She had nothing more to offer SKE48. And SKE48 had definitely fulfilled a few of her dreams. Now, she was going to try and accomplish her ultimate goal. She knew the road was still long until she would fully become a recognized manga artist, but she had made a huge step with Weekly Shonen Jump’s latest job offer. Never once, since she entered the group, had she lost hope. And the path now ahead of her had never looked brighter.
“I made the most of it while it lasted,” Airi affirmed softly, but with conviction. “Now, it’s time for me to let another girl take my place.”
Rena’s silence told her she didn’t completely agree with her. Yes, Rena would have liked things to end differently. To be able to spend a little more time with her in SKE. Unfortunately, this short month period didn’t give them that. Despite the fact that an important page of her life was turning, Airi knew it didn’t mean the end of their relationship. They would keep on seeing each other: Airi had absolutely no doubt about it. Their friendship was too precious to let it end with her departure.
Airi took a quick peek at the clock on the wall, before gazing at her best friend who was now staring into space. She knew that the other members would be here in about half an hour, but she wanted to take advantage of the fact that they were still alone to broach a certain sensitive subject with Rena.
Since that day in the hotel room after the handshake event, they had not spoken about Rena’s possible graduation again. Airi was never one to pray, always preferring Rena to come and speak with her when she felt the need to. She had adopted this pattern for years now, a pattern that was always greatly appreciated by her introverted friend.
However, she was conscious of her friend’s inner turmoil. She had made it quite obvious a month ago, and she really wished she could do something to help Rena. But what could she really do? It was an important decision that affected her future. Only Rena could make such a decision. No one could tell her what to do, or influence her.
Airi was still a little unsure about their following conversation. As a result, she couldn’t help the hesitation from entering her voice when she uttered her next words. “Have you spoken to Jurina about your… possible future plans?”
She had not. Airi could immediately tell this in the way Rena grew still, and her features darkened in discomfort. The older Matsui didn’t turn to look at her, nor did she speak. For a moment, Airi wondered if she had not made a mistake by putting that topic on the table. Maybe it was too early for Rena to speak about it. Maybe she still hadn’t made any final decision.
The silence surrounding them had suddenly become a bit heavy, and you could almost hear a pin drop. None of them was making a single move. Their breathing had slowed down considerably. Seconds went by painfully slow. Airi could almost feel the unease growing between them. Just as she was about to change the subject to alleviate the tense atmosphere, Rena spoke up unexpectedly.
“I tried a few times,” Rena admitted helplessly. “I never found the courage to go through with it. Lately, she has been so happy. I fear…”
Airi nodded silently when Rena didn’t continue. In a sense, she could somewhat relate to what Rena was going through. She also waited a lot before confessing the truth to Churi. She feared her friend would not take well the news of her graduation, and she had been right. She still remembered vividly the expression in Churi’s eyes when she announced it to her.
At first, the shock completely prevented Churi from uttering a single word. It took a while until she asked her first question.
Why? Airi had expected that question in particular. She had even planned a whole answer in her head in anticipation. Nevertheless, it was painful to see the way her friend was looking back at her when she started her explanation. Airi decided to keep a smile on her face the whole time, but she knew it had faded at some point during their conversation. She simply couldn’t help but be affected by the despair that progressively invaded Churi’s eyes. It was an expression she never believed she would see in the usually cheerful eyes of her friend.
Of course, both situations were not completely similar. Airi and Churi were close, and shared a lot. Most of their hobbies were common, and they saw each other quite frequently outside of the group. They enjoyed spending time together. They always had so much fun. But they were just friends. There was no romantic feeling involved.
On the other hand, Rena and Jurina had taken their relationship to a new level a year ago. Airi knew that the older Matsui loved the young girl dearly, and the feeling was more than mutual. If Rena made up her mind and decided to graduate, there was no way to predict how badly Jurina was going to react. And Airi guessed that was precisely what Rena was worrying the most about.
“Have you made a decision?” Airi finally asked the question that was been burning her lips.
Rena nodded, this time looking straight into her eyes. “I thought about it at length. Weighed up the pros and cons. I have no other choice but to leave SKE if I want to pursue my dreams.”
There was an air of finality in her voice. A determination that left no room for discussion. In a sense, it reassured Airi to hear it. Yes, her decision was going to have an impact on Jurina. But it would also have an impact on SKE48. The group was going to lose one of its figureheads, and management would surely need to cope with this great loss. Their efficiency in doing so would decide SKE’s future.
All of a sudden, the door of the dressing room opened, and both friends looked up in curiosity towards its direction. Churi was standing on the doorstep, and by the look she was giving them, Airi immediately feared the worse. She couldn’t have heard their conversation, could she? Her heart beat faster in apprehension when she noticed the girl staring at Rena in utter shock. Churi’s next words put an end to any doubt she ever had.
“Rena… You’re going to graduate?”
When Churi arrived at the SKE theater a few hours ago, she surely never expected to eavesdrop that kind of conversation. She had arrived a bit early and was about to open the door of the dressing room, when she caught the words falling from Rena’s lips. At first, she refused to believe she heard correctly. Rena couldn’t be thinking of graduating. If she did, Jurina would surely have informed her about it, and definitely not looked so cheerful for the past few months. Unless…
Churi widened her eyes when she came to another conclusion. One that she didn’t like at all. The idea that Rena could have kept her graduation secret from her. She wouldn’t do that, would she? It was her wish to get answers that led Churi to push the door. She wanted to hear directly from Rena that it was only the fruit of her imagination. Rena was not deciding to leave the boat only a month after Airi. And certainly not keeping it from Jurina, the young girl who loved her so much. It was simply impossible.
In the end, Rena didn’t need to answer her question. Her petrified expression spoke louder than words. Churi was still about to ask her about it, when a few members of the Team KII appeared in the corridor a few seconds later, and entered the dressing room. By the look of it, Airi was the only one who seemed to know about Rena’s plans. So there was no way this particular conversation was going to happen while they were surrounded by so many people.
After that, Churi tried to focus fully on Airi’s graduation concert. She managed to do quite a good job when she happened to be on stage. However, the conversation she had unintentionally eavesdropped would often invade her mind once she found herself backstage, or in the dressing room to change into a new outfit. Quite often, she noticed Rena gazing at her briefly. Her discomfort was more than obvious. Nevertheless, they didn’t speak at all during the whole concert. The heavy tension between them would have been obvious to keen eyes.
During the last song, Churi couldn’t help the tears from rolling down her cheeks. Albeit the fact that she had promised herself not to cry, the idea that Airi wouldn’t be in the group anymore was too overwhelming. And hearing the audience shouting Airi’s name in despair again and again certainly didn’t help.
Once the concert was over, Churi watched the other members of the Team KII speaking with Airi in the dressing room. A lot of girls were crying, and the graduated member was comforting them as best as she could with a hug or a kind smile. Churi didn’t join them and kept her distance. Airi knew how she felt about her graduation. They had already spoken about it many times since she announced her decision to her in private.
What more could be said? Did Airi need to see her tears again? See her distraught expression another time? No, she didn’t. She had already enough to deal with the members currently gathered around her. This is why Churi left the SKE theater as soon as she was dressed in her casual clothes. She didn’t exchange a word with Airi, but she noticed the genuine smile her friend sent her as she passed the door to leave. Churi didn’t hesitate to reciprocate it.
Of course, her smile was somewhat different from hers. It was tinged with melancholia. But, behind all the sadness Airi’s graduation had caused her, there was hope. Hope that this wasn’t the end for them. That their friendship - that meant so much to her - wouldn’t suffer from it. Churi was not naive: she knew her friend’s departure from the group would have an impact. They were going to see each other less: of this she was certain. However, it didn’t mean their bond was going to be severed. Airi had held an important place in a heart during all these years. And she was going to make sure it would keep being that way for the following ones.
“Akane… Can we talk?”
Churi tensed when she heard Rena’s tentative voice calling her. She was outside the SKE theater and about to call a cab to go home, when her fingers stilled on the screen of her Smartphone. Akane placed the phone back into her pocket, turning to look at the older Matsui who was standing a few feet away from her. Churi ignored the cold wind that suddenly blew into her face and stared at the girl. Well, it appeared they were going to have that conversation, after all.
Churi nodded, and watched Rena reducing the distance. So many questions were currently juggling in her head, but she wanted to leave the other girl the time to explain herself first. If truth be told, it felt a bit weird to have that particular conversation with her. It felt wrong in so many ways. Churi had spoken on many occasions with Rena this last year. Definitely more than the previous ones. But it was only due to their common relationship with Jurina.
Churi still didn’t consider Rena and her as friends. And she knew Rena didn’t either. A few times, Jurina had admitted she felt a bit saddened that the two girls apparently didn’t manage to get that along. They were cordial, and could hold easily a conversation without any sign of unease. But they were both aware that they were merely interacting because of Jurina.
Churi was currently finding herself a bit torn. On one hand, she wanted to know what had motivated Rena to make such a decision. Why now. Why so soon after Airi’s decision. On the other hand, she felt bad knowing Jurina still didn’t know. This wasn’t right. She wasn’t supposed to know about this before the young girl.
In the end, Churi was the one who broke the heavy tension between Rena and herself. She took a quick look around to make sure no one could hear them, before speaking up. The disapproval was definitely showing in her voice, but she simply couldn’t help it. “You really are leaving?”
“I’m sorry you had to hear that,” Rena answered in unease. “But please don’t tell Jurina. I want to be the one to tell her in person.”
“I hate keeping something from her,” Churi declared in all honesty. Rena’s words were confirming again what she feared. Rena was really going to graduate. When? Why? In the end, she didn’t ask any of those questions. Her thoughts went to Jurina, and the pain she could foresee in her eyes when she would hear the news. “Don’t wait too long. She doesn’t deserve to be kept in the dark.”
Rena didn’t answer. However, Churi guessed by her discomfort that she was dreading her conversation with Jurina. Of course, it wouldn’t be easy to admit her such a thing. It was going to hurt Jurina: of this Churi was certain. But there was no point in delaying the inevitable. Rena had decided to graduate, and would have to announce it publicly sooner or later.
Decisions always had consequences. Rena had made plenty of decisions these last seven years. She accepted her transfer to Team E despite the pain it caused Jurina. Didn’t refuse when she got offered a kennin in Nogizaka46. Much to Jurina’s disagreement. As time went by, she received more job opportunities outside of the group. Opportunities that she didn’t let pass. Churi may very well not be that close with Rena, it was not hard to guess this decision in particular was probably the hardest she ever made. And definitely the decision that was going to have the most devastating impact on SKE’s ace.
Jurina knocked softly on the apartment door, waiting for the girl on the other side to open. If truth be told, she was feeling slightly nervous. Her hand was clutching the plastic bag tightly and her heart was beating faster in expectation. Why? Because today was very special. It had been exactly one year to the day that Rena confessed her feelings to her after the AKB48 concert in Tokyo.
That is why she had bought a present for the occasion, and booked one of Rena’s favorite restaurants for tonight. Of course, she was positively sure Rena would be completely surprised about her plans. After all, it was common knowledge that the older Matsui didn’t really attach importance to dates. She still remembered vividly last Valentine’s Day. Rena had invited her to her apartment and Jurina believed it was because of it. Much to her surprise, it was not. In fact, Rena had entirely forgotten about it.
In the end, it didn’t matter if they didn’t always attach the same importance to things. January 30 marked the first day of their relationship. This day would always have a special meaning to her. This day symbolized too much for her to ignore it.
When a few seconds passed by and Jurina didn’t hear the sound of footsteps, she frowned a little. It is true to say she had not warned Rena of her arrival, as she wanted to make her a surprise. However, she knew that she was spending the afternoon at her apartment. She had casually checked her schedule with her the day before.
Maybe she had momentarily gone out to run an errand? Jurina pondered over her options, before taking out her spare key from her handbag. A little while ago, Rena had given it to her, stating it would be easier that way for her to make her way in and out of her apartment.
Jurina was completely speechless when the object was placed nonchalantly in her hand. Jurina imagined she must have looked very shocked, because Rena couldn’t help teasing her about her attitude for the following minutes. Of course, Jurina was well aware that Rena was mostly giving her the key out of practicality. However, her heart still raced at the idea that Rena was entrusting her with it. She felt deeply moved.
Jurina turned the key in the door, her arrival met with complete silence. Yes, it appeared Rena was truly away. Jurina took her jacket and shoes off, and placed them carefully in the hallway as usual. Her steps led her first to the living room, until she pushed the door of the bedroom. What she found behind made her pause: Rena was sleeping on her desk.
Jurina didn’t move, and watched with a loving smile the older girl’s sleeping form. The light that was penetrating the room through the small window was illuminating the sleeping girl, enhancing her shiny, long black hair. Jurina found the view simply beautiful. It was just impossible not to stare.
Jurina finally entered the room after a little while. When she happened to stand by Rena’s side, she leaned over to place a kiss on Rena’s temple. It was a tender, very light kiss, as she didn’t wish to disturb the girl in her sleep. The position certainly didn’t look comfortable, but Jurina was aware that Rena had not been sleeping well lately.
These last two months, she found her working at her desk in the middle of the night a couple of times. Jurina knew how hard working Rena was. But lately, it seemed her work was draining all her energy.
Jurina also guessed Airi’s graduation was affecting her emotionally. It didn’t matter how much she stated she was fine. Someone’s graduation always affected other members. It was even worse when it was a girl you were especially close to. Rena was not made of stone. No matter how well she had perfected her mask of indifference over the years, there was still a sensitive soul behind.
Rena still had her glasses on, and Jurina guessed she must have fallen asleep right in the middle of what she was doing. Indeed, there was a pen in her hand, and a white paper under the sleeping girl’s face. Jurina retraced her steps back to the living room to retrieve her present in the plastic bag, before entering the bedroom again.
She carefully placed the object wrapped in red paper on the desk, along with the matching red envelop. A pleased smile moved to her lips when she observed the disposition. Her gift would be the first thing Rena was going to see when she would open her eyes. It was perfect.
Jurina pondered over what to do next while waiting for Rena to wake up. She clearly wanted to be here when she would wake, to watch her reaction when she would discover her present and read her letter. Her attention got drawn again to what Rena was doing before falling asleep, and she took a curious peek at the white sheet. Most of it was covered by Rena’s face, but she could still see fragments of words.
It was apparently a letter Rena was writing to someone, judging by her handwriting. In order to take a better look at it, she leaned forward a little. She frowned slightly when she noticed the letter was addressed to their producer. What could Rena possibly be writing him about? She had not mentioned her anything about it.
She could tell it was something important. Indeed, Rena had crossed out a few things, obviously not satisfied with her choice of words. Because she couldn’t see the sheet properly, most of the sentences didn’t make sense. Rena’s handwriting also definitely lacked its typical neatness. In the end, Jurina decided to give up. She made a mental note to ask Rena about it later.
Just as she was about to straighten up and leave it alone, a word captured her attention. A word that made her heart stop.
Graduation.
TO BE CONTINUED
Topic: Heartbeat (20/20) + Partners (23/23) + Destiny (41/41 END) [WMatsui] - REPLIES (Read 353788 times)