PARTNERS
CHAPTER 23 [END]
It was over. Rena’s graduation concert had ended more than half an hour ago, and the previously fully booked stadium of Nagoya was now completely deserted. After sharing on her way backstage a few words with a couple of SKE girls and staff members who demanded her attention the now graduated girl had finally managed to reach the much awaited shower, more than eager to let the water wash away all the sweat she had accumulated during the two-hour concert.
Rena removed her clothes and turned the water on - waiting a little until it was at the right temperature - before stepping under the shower head. As she closed her eyes a small sigh left her lips in content, relishing the pleasant sensation cooling down her body and relaxing her sore muscles. She really needed that after the very enjoyable - but definitely energetic - two-hour concert.
Just as she was about to take the soap to wash herself she distinguished a light - but perceptible - sobbing coming from another shower nearby. Her hand froze in mid air when she recognized who it belonged to. All the chatting that had been going on in the other showers had now completely ceased. Rena leaned her back against the wall behind her, her chest tightening in pain at the sound of Jurina’s crying.
The young ace had managed to keep her sorrow to herself during the whole concert, even during the last very emotional song
Sore wo seishun to yobu hi. The lyrics of that particular song always managed to moisten a few girls’ cheeks. But Jurina had not cried. Not even at the end when Rena passed the doors of the main stage with a broad smile, and her face progressively disappeared as the doors closed on her.
Of course, she was going to let it out at some point. Rena had expected so from the moment the concert started. But, when she bravely confronted the two-hour concert without shedding a single tear, she believed Jurina was not going to crack in front of an audience. In fact, she figured she would probably prefer waiting until they were just the two of them alone to finally show her true feelings. After all, that’s what she had been doing during all these months.
Rena listened to the sound helplessly, hoping Jurina would manage to find the strength in her to calm down. However, when the sobbing could still be heard a while later - even intensifying a little - Rena understood that was not about to happen. Jurina couldn’t control herself anymore. In front of others, she had kept her emotions to herself during six long months. Now, she had reached her limits.
Rena slowly turned the water off, pondering over her options. There was nothing more difficult than to hear the usually so cheerful ace cry her heart out. In the past, each time she happened to witness any sign of distress in Jurina’s eyes, she made sure to comfort her as best as she could. Of course, she was aware that her words had little to no effect, but it didn’t prevent her from trying.
The current sound of Jurina’s constant, loud crying was becoming unbearable. Decisively, the older Matsui stepped out of the shower. Her eyes fell on the clean, large towel hanging by the sink and she seized it, enveloping her body in the red fabric. Her feet led her to the door leading outside and she stepped in the corridor, halting when she immediately noticed a few members staring at her.
Rena felt self-conscious at all the silent looks directed at her. After swift observation, she realized there was not a hint of disapproval in their eyes, as she half expected. Every single girl in the bathroom knew perfectly well what had triggered the tears of SKE’s ace, but they did not seem to hold it against her. Rena found it somewhat reassuring, even though she would not blame them if they did. After all, she was the only one responsible for Jurina’s distress.
Rena had to admit the unwilling attention was making her slightly nervous. Everyone was looking at her in expectation - watching her every move - and obviously wondering what she was going to do about the situation. However, she didn’t say a word, instead moving towards the shower from where the sobbing was still emitting loudly.
Her steps slowed down when she turned at the corner and saw Churi already standing in front of Jurina’s door. The girl was clad in a green towel and her fist hanging in the air - a few inches from the door - as if she was about to knock. When the latter took in Rena’s presence by her side she lowered her arm and turned around to look at her. Rena was caught off guard when she distinguished the pain visible in her eyes as she addressed her. “Please make it stop.”
Rena found herself at a loss for words. She was conscious that Churi’s demand was only motivated by the deep concern she felt for her young friend - a concern that was justified and that she understood well - but what could she really answer to that? She was already doing her best to put an end to Jurina’s sadness. She had been trying desperately for six months. And each and single time to no avail. When Jurina’s tears thankfully happened to stop, it was only a short respite.
In the end, Rena gave her interlocutor a soft nod and small smile in reply, sign that she was acknowledging her request. Yes, she was confident she would find a way to make Jurina’s tears stop for now. But a tiny voice inside her head immediately reminded her that it would only be a momentarily success. Only one person could truly put an end to Jurina’s misery: Jurina herself. Rena couldn’t wait for that moment to come as she couldn’t bare seeing the object of her affection in such a state of grief. But until then, she would be here to help her in any way she could.
Rena finally tore her eyes away from Churi and turned towards the door, knocking on it twice. “Jurina, I’m coming in.”
No answer. Not that she truly expected one, anyway. The crying was still going on strong as if she had never spoken, but she knew Jurina heard her well. She made sure her voice was loud and clear enough. Rena waited a few seconds - just in case the young girl would manifest herself in any way - until turning the handle when nothing happened. What she found behind made her heart sink. Jurina was standing in the shower - water splashing over her trembling body - her face turned towards the direction of the wall. Judging by the hand placed in front of her mouth, it was obvious she had all along tried her best to choke back her tears.
Jurina showed no sign that she acknowledged her presence, but the sound of the door opening had obviously alerted her. Rena closed the door behind her and moved forward, her eyes shimmering with emotion at the view of the crying girl. Her fingers detached the towel that was hindering her body until now - letting it slip carelessly on the floor - before sliding the door open and embracing the young girl from behind.
Rena didn’t miss the way the naked body tensed against her. Rena felt the warm water now cascading over her own shoulders, but she focused entirely on the girl in her arms. Jurina was not hindering her face with her hands any longer - her arms now falling by her side - but she was not responding to her gesture of comfort. For a moment, Rena feared she was going to reject it, and she tightened her hold around her waist.
The events of January 31 were still vividly imprinted in her mind. At the time, Jurina had denied her affection. Even distanced herself from her. It is true to say things had evolved positively since, but Jurina’s suffering seemed to have reached a higher level today. What if her graduation concert was the last straw for her? What if there was no coming back from that?
“I’m here,” Rena whispered into her ear. Her lips tentatively caressed Jurina’s moistened right cheek, placing a light kiss here. When the action still didn’t provoke much of a reaction, she placed another lingering one. Rena waited, alerted when she saw no sign of improvement.
Rena murmured many words to her. Some were of comfort. Others of love. Words she had relentlessly uttered again and again for the past six months. And that she was ready to repeat if it could help ease Jurina’s sadness just a little. She didn’t know exactly how long it lasted. As the minutes went by, she felt the body against her finally relaxing. And the sobbing dying down a little while later. She pressed her lips against Jurina’s cheek anew. And saw Jurina nodding silently when she told her again how much she truly loved her.
Relief spread through her chest when Jurina’s hands came to join hers at her front. No words were exchanged, but Jurina was finally accepting her demonstration of affection. Now, she hoped Jurina would one day finally be able to return her words of love.
“I don’t want my fans to see me like this,” Jurina murmured, refusing to follow Rena who was about to open the door.
Both girls were now fully dressed and ready to leave, but Rena could well discern the unease in Jurina’s puffy eyes when she turned to look at her. Rena pondered over her declaration - much confused as she was failing to see where she was getting at - before noticing the way Jurina was not gazing at her, but staring at the door leading outside. That’s when it hit her. Jurina didn’t want her heartache to be caught on camera. The cameras that would assault them as soon as they would make their way outside.
Indeed, cameras had not stopped following the members backstage and during the whole time of the preparation of the concert. It was expected, as footage needed to be taken for the DVD and Blu-ray to be released in a couple of months. Everyone was used to cameras following them. In fact, after so many years, they practically forgot their presence. As a result, cameras managed to capture successfully many moments of intimacy. And viewers seemed to love those.
Rena knew what Jurina was implicitly asking of her. But would her demand be fulfilled? She was seriously doubting it, but she wanted to try for Jurina’s sake. “Alright, stay here.”
Rena left the room, and it didn’t take her long to find who she was looking for. In fact, the two familiar cameramen were waiting in the corridor not far from here, and immediately raised their camera in alert when they noticed her approaching. The older Matsui had a slightly embarrassed look on her face when she addressed them. “Please, can you not film Jurina and I?”
Both men lowered their cameras slowly and looked back at her in astonishment. It was definitely not the first time she tentatively tried to prevent cameras from filming her. It happened a few times the very first years she joined the group, especially when she got caught crying alone by the cameraman who followed her practically everywhere.
After realizing her pleas had no effect whatsoever and the camera kept on rolling nevertheless, she accepted her fate. Unfortunately, she had no choice in the matter. The man was only doing what he was told, and it was part of her job as an idol to have cameras filming her all the time.
Rena was very familiar with the two men gazing at her. They had been filming and following Jurina and her for years. Sometimes, they would even chat a bit off-camera. However, what she was asking of them was unconceivable. And she knew she still had not fully convinced them when she read the unease in their eyes. Just as she was about to formulate her request again, she saw her personal cameraman opening his mouth to speak.
“I guess we have enough footage,” the man agreed, turning to look at the other cameraman. Considering the silence of the latter, it was obvious he was hesitating a lot about this. Rena was more than glad that her cameraman was going to comply to her wishes, but if Jurina’s cameraman refused to cooperate, then it was much useless.
“Takumi-san, I know this is a difficult decision to make,” Rena addressed kindly the twenty eight years old short-haired man. “But Jurina would be grateful if exceptionally you did not film her this one time.”
Rena opened the bathroom’s door and took a look outside, glad when there was no sign of the two cameramen anymore. At the sound of soft footsteps behind her she tilted her head, noticing Jurina now standing by her side. Despite her previous crying evident all over her face, she could discern the relief in her eyes. Both cameramen had thankfully complied to her wishes.
“Thank you,” Jurina uttered in a soft murmur.
Rena took her hand and squeezed it, not letting it go once as she lead them both through the corridor. There were a few staff members and SKE girls present, and Rena acknowledged the faint smiles directed at her. Some girls even bid her farewell one last time on her way. The older Matsui replied to each of them politely, while feeling the trembling of Jurina’s fingers inside her hand.
Rena kept advancing, aware that the young girl was still in a fragile, emotional state. And hearing everyone around them saying goodbye to the Nagoya princess and wishing her the best, was another reminder that she wouldn’t be considered a SKE member once she would have passed the door leading outside. Clearly, it was not helping in any way Jurina to control her emotions.
Rena quickened up her a pace little, willing to pull Jurina out of her torment as soon as possible. When the large door leading outside was finally within reach she pushed it without further ado, and stepped aside to let Jurina move towards the taxi awaiting them. After checking that the young girl was inside, she turned one last time in the direction of the corridor.
Without surprise, all pairs of eyes were still glued to her. In fact, the place had suddenly fallen dead silent. Everyone was conscious that it was probably the last time they would ever meet the older Matsui. Or even gaze at her. Rena even noticed her personal cameraman appearing alongside Jurina’s at the end of the corridor. Both their cameras were lowered, clear sign that they were not filming that moment. And considering how everyone seemed currently moved by Rena’s departure, it would definitely have made a very touching scene.
Rena couldn’t help but send them one last grateful smile at the concession they had agreed to make. She stayed on the doorstep a little while longer - reflecting whether she should make one last statement - before thinking against it. She had already spoken to each member; and in great lengths with a few very emotional ones. She had thanked all the staff members she had worked with during all these years.
What more could she say? No, nothing more needed to be added. Rena gave them one last smile and inclined her head to them, before passing the door that led to the outside world.
The ride back to her apartment was painful to say the least. As soon as Rena joined the other Matsui in the taxi tears sprang to Jurina’s eyes, and the young girl didn’t waste a second to settle her head against Rena’s shoulder. Rena did catch at some point the driver gazing at them through the rear mirror curiously - definitely wondering why one of the girls on the backseat of his car was crying her eyes out - but not a word left his lips nonetheless.
By the time they reached her apartment, Jurina’s sobbing had stopped. But it did not reassure Rena. Somehow, she knew it could start again at any minute. Once she was facing her front door the older girl rummaged through her bag in determination, impatient to get inside as fast as possible.
She still remembered vividly a conversation in particular she had six months ago with her next door neighbor. That day - just as she was about to enter her apartment - the elderly woman had startled her by opening her door suddenly, and asking her worriedly about her
’young and nice friend Jurina-san’. Apparently, when the latter left her apartment in a haste that day of January 31, she looked quite distraught.
Rena had to admit she found herself at a loss for words, and it took her a few long seconds to come up with a semblance of an explanation. Frankly, she wasn’t even sure she managed to convince the older woman successfully, considering the light frown the latter gave her once she finished babbling an answer. Matsuda-san may be 70 years old, she was not senile yet.
That’s why Rena had absolutely no wish to cross path with the older woman tonight, or any other neighbor for all that. She valued her privacy more than anything, and it always made her uncomfortable when people tried to pry into her personal life. Of course, her neighbor was only showing her concern for the young Matsui she happened to meet a couple of times over the last year and a half. But as she had no other choice but to leave important elements out of her answer, it was a very tricky subject for her to broach.
Rena’s fingers finally met the small, metallic object and she retrieved it at once, inserting the key in the lock and opening the door at once. Rena leaned her back against the door once she shut it behind them, gazing at Jurina who was silently taking her jacket and shoes off. She was more than glad that they managed to make it safely to her apartment without meeting anyone on their way. At least, that was an issue she didn’t have to worry about anymore.
But it didn’t ease her mind. She watched Jurina’s every move carefully, bothered to see her avoiding eye contact. Jurina abhorred appearing weak in front of others. Somehow, she believed she had to maintain this image of a strong person at all cost. That it was her duty as ace of SKE and leading member. That was why Rena guessed she was deeply embarrassed by the fact she had cracked in front of others earlier on in the shower.
“Go and take a seat in the kitchen. I’ll make us something to eat.” Rena heard herself saying, albeit the fact she was not feeling hungry. And Jurina wasn’t probably much either. Nevertheless, she saw her nodding at her and doing as instructed. Another time, maybe the young girl would have argued. Rena figured she was probably too exhausted right now - mentally and physically - to even consider voicing her disapproval one second.
Rena was in her pajamas and ready to go to sleep when she heard the light sobbing coming from her bathroom. She looked up from her book at once - a manga she was only half distractedly reading anyway - and tried to catch a glimpse of Jurina through the partially closed door. When she failed miserably to do so she put her glasses and book away and got out of bed, pushing the door softly a few seconds later. Jurina - clad in her pajamas - was sitting on the stool, tears falling down her cheeks for the umpteenth time today.
“No, Jurina,” Rena pleaded, moving forward to stand right in front of her and pulling her head into her chest gently. Two arms wrapped around her waist in reaction, and she caressed the young girl’s hair to try and soothe her.
“I’m sorry,” Jurina’s muffled voice sounded against Rena’s red tee-shirt. “I want to make it stop. But I simply can’t help it.”
Rena felt the tears wetting the thin fabric of her tee-shirt progressively, and she listened again to the manifestation of Jurina’s despair. She had heard it so many times these last few months. And even more these last couple of hours. She should be pretty much used to it by now. But the truth was, it still affected her as much as the very first time. And feeling discouraged at how powerless she was.
After a little while, Jurina calmed down on her own, and Rena took that opportunity to take a step back to look at her. Her beautiful face looked puffy and tear-stained, and the older Matsui brushed away with her thumb one last tear that was sneakily escaping Jurina’s left eye.
Then, she turned on her heels and kneeled in front of the cupboard under the sink, retrieving a clean washcloth from the pile. She made sure to dampen it enough under the water, before facing Jurina again and starting to wash her face softly.
Rena was aware that it was not going to erase completely the signs of her distraught state, but she couldn’t stand seeing her like that. The young girl had always been such a bright and joyful person. Tears were not meant for her. Sadness was not an emotion that qualified Jurina Matsui.
Lost in her musing, Rena felt suddenly Jurina’s hand covering hers and stopping her in her process. Their eyes met silently, and she found herself a bit confused when Jurina removed the washcloth from her cheek and put it aside. Her confusion grew even more when the young girl pulled her tentatively into her lap. Rena looked at her questioningly, but when it was obvious by the other girl’s silence that she was not going to provide her an explanation, she simply did as asked.
Jurina leaned her head against her chest, and for a moment Rena was afraid she might cry again. She even waited expectantly for the tears to fall, already patting lightly Jurina’s head in anticipation. To her surprise, no such sound came out of Jurina’s mouth. In fact, they stayed in each other’s arms for a while, without sharing a single word. Rena did now and then kiss Jurina’s temple, not missing the way it made the other girl’s body relax.
Rena didn’t know how long they stayed in that position. To be honest, she truly missed this kind of closeness. It had been so long since they had really held each other. Lastly, it was always Rena holding Jurina, and mostly for comforting reasons. She missed their true moments of intimacy and Jurina’s affectionate behavior.
That was why she was pleasantly surprised when she noticed Jurina pulling away from the embrace, only to lean forward to initiate a kiss. A mixture of joy and hope spread through her chest when their lips met. If anything, she was happy Jurina was finally making the first move. Jurina never rejected her when she happened to hug her or kiss her, but it was obvious by the uncertainty in her gestures that the intimacy was making her somewhat ill-at-ease. She still had not completely forgiven her for her decision to graduate.
Now, after witnessing Jurina’s change of attitude, she was starting to have hope. She definitely wouldn’t have felt so confident a few hours ago, but maybe the tide was finally turning in her favor. It was not a desperate kiss. Far from it. In fact, it looked a lot like any other gentle kiss they had shared in the past. It was not invasive. There was no will to dominate the other. It was a simple show of affection. One she almost feared she would not see any more when she let - a couple of times - dark thoughts invade her mind.
This evening, something had changed. A page had been turned. Not only for her, but also for Jurina. She had released all the sadness she had accumulated these last six months. Shed so many tears it had probably drained the little energy she had left after tonight’s concert. And maybe it was for the best. Now that she had completely let everything out, she was going to be able to move on. And finally forgive her.
Rena couldn’t help but smile when Jurina deepened the kiss. The young girl was prolonging their moment of intimacy, much to her delight. And Rena made sure to pour all her feelings for her into that kiss when she followed her lead willingly.
The older Matsui was pretty sure her face was glowing with happiness when - a little while later - they pulled away to catch some air. Maybe her joy was infectious, because she saw Jurina’s mouth tugging into a genuine smile. Oh, how much she missed seeing it.
I got her back, Rena thought, caressing the girl’s cheek gently. There were no words strong enough to describe how happy she was feeling right now. This loving expression that she adored so much. She was finally seeing it again. And her smile broadened even more when Jurina leaned into her touch.
However, Rena got a bit concerned when she saw Jurina now looking back at her with a serious expression. Unconsciously, she held her breath in anticipation, feeling that she was about to say something important. Jurina didn’t make her wait very long, as she opened her mouth to speak soon after.
“I love you Rena,” Jurina affirmed with a soft nod. “But please don’t break my heart again.”
Rena didn’t say anything, letting the words sink in. Warmth invaded her at the declaration of love she had waited for so long. She had now forgiven her. There was not a single doubt about it. And it couldn’t make her happier. However, she also paid carefully attention to her very last words. Those that reminded her of what she had done. Of the deep sorrow she had caused Jurina all this time.
“I promise,” Rena answered. She did notice her own voice slightly quivering, and she momentarily wondered where it was coming from. Was she being emotional because Jurina was finally forgiving her? Or was it because she was reminded of all the pain her decision had caused them both? In the end, Rena realized it didn’t really matter. They were finally reunited. And she didn’t want anything to split them apart again.
THE END
EDIT 03/06/16: I’ve made some changes, and decided that
Partners officially ends with the chapter
23.
Partners was getting way longer than initially planned - not because I’m adding things along the way - but because it’s taking me longer than I thought to properly develop the plot I had in mind when I started
Heartbeat in early September 2014. And I wish to keep each part of this long series as much balanced as possible. That’s why I think it’s a good place to stop
Partners with chapter
23, as it closes an important narrative arc.
So the story continues with its sequel and
final part,
Destiny.
I hope you enjoyed reading
Partners. I want to thank all the readers that have been showing me their constant support by leaving a “like”, a comment, or even sending PMs. As a writer, all those things (as little they may seem) give me in fact great motivation to write. I really mean it. So please keep showing me your support in the sequel
Topic: Heartbeat (20/20) + Partners (23/23) + Destiny (41/41 END) [WMatsui] - REPLIES (Read 353359 times)