CHAPTER 14
Some things never changed. That’s the thought that crossed Churi’s mind when she entered the dancing room that afternoon of late November 2015, and noticed Jurina teasing Ryoha endlessly. From a very young age, the young Matsui had always been a real flirt. Churi was pretty sure almost every girl in the group had fallen victim to this side of hers at one point or another. The first years, it was quite innocent. Then, Jurina’s words and touches grew bolder when she became a teenager, and got aware of her charms. And the effect she could have on people.
Some members didn’t like the attention, and did their best to avoid Jurina when she happened to be in a flirty mood. The young ace was anything but subtle about her intentions. You could see her coming miles around. Some other girls didn’t mind it. Churi suspected more than a few members enjoyed the attention they were getting. Jurina could be a real smooth talker when she wanted to, and her looks definitely appealed to a lot of girls. The young Matsui was becoming more and more beautiful as the years went by.
Churi understood perfectly well why some members even sought her attention. No matter how many people you were surrounded with, life in an idol group could get pretty lonely. Somehow, Jurina’s flirty side was a breath of fresh air for many girls. It eased the pressure constantly upon their shoulders, and brought them well-needed joy when times were hard.
Despite that, Churi was convinced Ryoha didn’t fall into that last category. The seventeen year old shy girl never complained about it. Yes, Churi sometimes saw her tentatively trying to break free when Jurina tried to pull her into a hug or kiss her, but never had she asked Jurina to stop. It was all the encouragement Jurina needed to continue. Not to mention, you could tell by Jurina’s mischievous expression that she enjoyed very much making Ryoha all flustered.
If truth be told, Churi strongly believed Jurina’s flirty attitude would fade when Rena and her started dating in January. She couldn’t have been more wrong. Jurina’s affectionate behavior with other members could still be witnessed on a daily basis, although it was not as strong as it used to be. Churi’s keen eyes did indeed notice the subtle but gradual changes.
It was a fact: Jurina flirted less in front of Rena. Moreover, she had stopped trying to steal kisses on other girls’ lips. It was a habit of hers that lasted for many years, but came to an halt at the beginning of 2015. Now, she only targeted the members’ cheeks.
Albeit the fact Churi did notice those changes, she wondered at first how Jurina’s - still active - flirty behavior would be received by Rena. After all, she had witnessed in front of her very own eyes the older Matsui’s jealous side. When she spoke about it with Jurina, the latter argued Rena was not the jealous type. Despite hearing loud and clear Jurina’s prompt denial, Churi had a few doubts about it. She recalled vividly Rena’s distant behavior with her when she believed wrongly that Jurina and her were dating. If she wasn’t jealous of their closeness at the time, then she surely was bothered by it.
That’s why, a few months ago, Churi had watched in great interest the scene unfolding in front of her. Rena had entered the dressing room with Airi, and almost immediately set her eyes on Jurina who was flirting with Ryoha. Jurina had her back turned to the door and as a result not noticed Rena’s arrival, and placed a kiss soundly on the poor skittish girl’s cheek.
How was Rena going to react? Was she going to interrupt the moment in anger? Churi held her breath as she followed the moment in anticipation. She wouldn’t even blame Rena if she chose to reprimand her girlfriend. Churi almost choked on her water when she saw Rena’s lips curving up in a smile. Out of all the possibilities that crossed her mind, that reaction truly didn’t make the list. Rena wasn’t frustrated or mad. She was amused. Amused that Jurina was teasing another girl than her. How on earth was that possible?
Churi couldn’t believe her eyes. She didn’t know how long she looked back and forth between them to make sure she wasn’t imagining the whole thing. Rena had looked at Jurina for a few seconds, before taking a seat and focusing on her phone as if nothing happened. Churi did study the older Matsui’s features attentively. Somehow, she wanted to make sure she wasn’t hiding her discomfort behind a mask of indifference. After all, it wouldn’t be the first time she would do such a thing. No matter how good Rena had become at concealing her emotions, she could read her better after all these years.
No, Rena really didn’t mind Jurina’s actions. At all. Churi had to admit it took her quite some time to get used to Rena’s surprising reaction. Of course, Churi knew Jurina was only having fun and no taking any of this flirt thing seriously. After all the time spent by her side, she could now tell the difference. Still. She wasn’t sure she would have been as understanding as Rena if she found herself in her shoes.
To be honest, she still didn’t understand it completely. Today, Rena had entered the room, only to found Jurina teasing Ryoha again. And she didn’t seem to care much more than the first times it happened. As odd as Churi found Rena’s attitude, she progressively came to a realization. Churi was convinced Rena would have mentioned it to Jurina if her behavior bothered her. She also had no doubt Jurina would have stopped acting this way at once if Rena had asked her. The fact that she had not only meant one thing: Rena accepted Jurina for who she was.
Churi reflected on it while watching the two Matsui suddenly exchanging a smile across the room. In her eyes, there was no doubt how strongly they felt about each other. They had been blissfully happy for almost a year now. Churi was one of Jurina’s closest friends, and as a result the latter shared pretty much everything with her. Her relationship with Rena was no exception. Jurina didn’t mention a single fight or problem between them. Yes, she always missed her deeply when the older Matsui happened to be away but apart from that, there was no shadow on the horizon. Churi really hoped nothing would ever erase that bright smile upon Jurina’s lips.
Churi looked up from her phone when she felt a light tap on her shoulder. She was sitting in a corner of the dancing room - waiting for the coach to arrive - when she noticed Airi giving her a sheet. After a quick look at it, she discovered it were the lyrics for SKE’s next single. Churi wondered if it was going to be a upbeat song as usual. She truly didn’t mind it as she enjoyed energetic songs but somehow, she got the feeling by the lyrics that it was going to be a Christmas ballad.
Churi tore her eyes away from the paper, curious to hear Airi’s opinion about it. The latter had quietly taken a seat next to her, and was now focused on a sketch. Churi was not in the least surprised by her action. Each time Airi had the chance, she immerged herself in a drawing. However, Churi couldn’t help but wonder why Airi had been behaving a bit oddly these last weeks. It was very subtle and most members probably didn’t notice a thing. Of course, Churi was conscious that Airi’s new job for Weekly Shonen Jump was keeping her very busy. But her keen senses were telling her there was something more.
Until now, she had waited patiently for her to broach the subject, but Airi had not mentioned anything out of the ordinary during their conversations. Curiosity was really starting to get the best of her. She didn’t know how long she would be able to keep silent if Airi did not say what was obviously occupying her mind. Even though Airi was calm personified, her behavior was not fooling her at all. Airi was hiding something from her.
“Churi,” Airi’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she stared at her, startled. Never her friend had looked so serious, nor her voice been slightly unsteady. “Can we talk after today’s rehearsal? I have something to tell you.”
Churi had absolutely no idea what Airi wanted to tell her. Was it linked to her peculiar behavior these past weeks? Churi hoped so. She was so impatient to know more about it, that she had to refrain herself from asking her to spill the beans right here and now. Not to mention, Airi’s somewhat hesitant look was starting to worry her more than anything. Still, she kept her thoughts to herself and settled for a simple nod. “Alright.”
The twelve members stilled when the music came to an end, watching in expectation their dancing coach. They had been dancing for almost four hours nonstop on the music of their next single, and they were now waiting for their coach’s verdict. As it was a ballad, they didn’t have to dance as energetically as usual. However, the older woman was known to be a perfectionist. They simply knew she wouldn’t be entirely satisfied with them. Her next words confirmed their thoughts.
“This song is a ballad. Your moves need to be absolutely perfect, otherwise the slightest mistake will be noticed. Some of you still need to improve a lot,” the dancing coach affirmed, setting her eyes on a few members as she spoke. “But it will do for today.”
“Thank you,” the twelve girls said in unison, bowing to their professor respectfully. They were all conscious that the woman would go to great lengths to obtain entire satisfaction. And would not give up until she got it.
“We’ll work on your solo tomorrow, Jurina,” the dancing coach announced, looking at the young ace who was about to turn on her heels. “And congratulations.”
The eighteen year old girl nodded, returning the brief smile directed at her. Then, Jurina followed the other members to the dressing room, her thoughts going back to the incredible discovery she made a few hours ago. Their producer had done something completely unexpected. He had just given her her first solo in SKE48. And it was going to be a coupling song for their next single.
Jurina truly couldn’t believe it when the lyrics were placed in her hands early on. She had not seen it coming at all. Their producer usually informed her when he took a decision about her position in the 48group, or anything else regarding her job as an idol. This time, he had not warned her beforehand. What made him decide to offer her a solo after all these years? Why now? Jurina couldn’t fathom the reason behind the man’s action, but she couldn’t be more ecstatic.
Jurina would lie if she said she had not been waiting for it. When Rena got offered a solo, she couldn’t be happier for her. She was even one of the first to congratulate her. On the other hand, Rena did not particularly share her enthusiasm. If there was one thing the older Matsui dreaded above all, it was standing alone on stage. This solo definitely did not hold well with her shyness.
It didn’t matter how many times Rena stated she should have been the one to get that solo. Of course, the extrovert Jurina did not apprehend like her the exercise of being alone in front of people. But
Kareha no Station was not meant for her. It was a beautiful, well-written ballad that suited the image Rena projected. No one else could have played the part and sang it better than her.
That is why Jurina expected her time to come soon after Rena’s solo. If Rena was offered a solo at such an early stage of the group’s creation, she had no doubt she would get one too. To her surprise, the years went by and she never did. Even though she failed to understand why, Jurina didn’t question once their producer about it. She was happy to pour everything she had on stage. She worked everyday very hard to master their song’s choreographies to the perfection. Her singing had its flaws, but she counterbalanced that fact with her energy and enthusiasm. If she was never going to have a solo, then so be it.
Jurina took a seat in the dressing room, her attention soon getting drawn to her backpack. Just before entering the dancing room for practice, she had slipped inside her bag the lyrics of her solo. Jurina was feeling a bit sweaty and knew she deserved a good shower after practicing their new song. A few members were already leaving the dressing room with fresh clothes in that intent. Despite that, she couldn’t resist taking another peek at the sheet. The temptation to read again those beautiful lyrics was too strong. If truth be told, she even had a bit of a hard time concentrating the first minutes of rehearsal. She couldn’t help thinking about those words.
Without a second of hesitation, Jurina pulled the paper out. Her eyes read first the title printed in bold letters: CENTER. Then, she went through the lyrics printed underneath. Albeit the fact she had read them twice already, her heart started beating faster and warmth spread through her chest instantly. Each word written, each feeling described. It was her.
Of course, she could sometimes identify with situations described in their songs. And in seven years, she sang hundreds of them. Even shed tears when some words hit close to home. But never a song had portrayed her so well. Right now, she didn’t need to look at her reflection in the mirror to know the deep emotion shining in her eyes. She could feel them moistening without her consent. This song was truly the best present she had received in years.
Jurina never doubted their producer’s ability to write good songs. After all, he had been doing it successively for the past ten years. However, she wasn’t in the least happy when she discovered the lyrics of her duet with Mayu,
Rivalry. Yes, the music was catchy. The single even sold very well the following weeks of its release. However, the lyrics couldn’t be more far from the truth. Not a single word depicted accurately her relationship with Mayu.
This unexpected solo was the complete opposite. She wouldn’t change a single sentence or word. It was sheer perfection.
“Our producer outdid himself with this song,” Jurina murmured, overwhelmed by the beautiful lyrics she had just read. Her strengths and weaknesses. Her way of thinking. Her perception of the world. The words didn’t idealize her. They described who she truly was at her core. Jurina didn’t think their producer knew her so well. Yes, they spoke occasionally, and she was aware that he was somewhat fond of her. But this solo? It was as if he knew exactly what was going inside her head. How was that even possible?
Jurina turned to look at Churi who was sitting by her side, and frowned when she saw her eyes growing wide like saucers. What had triggered such an expression? Her incomprehension grew even more when her friend let out a short laugh.
“Are you serious?” Churi exclaimed in disbelief. Her eyes searched briefly Rena in the room - noticing her chatting with Airi a bit further away - until setting them on the confused girl in front of her. “Have you read the sheet properly?”
“What? Of course I have,” Jurina defended herself. “The lyrics are incredible. I don’t know about the music, but I can’t wait to s…”
Jurina was interrupted when Churi suddenly tapped repeatedly the left corner of the sheet with her index. Jurina was more than taken aback by her action, but took a curious look at what she was trying to show her. Her friend was pointing at two very small lines printed in the upper left corner of the paper.
“I can’t believe you didn’t notice,” Churi continued. This time, she couldn’t help but smile in amusement at Jurina’s reaction. Choc was now written all over her face. “Our producer didn’t write the lyrics of your solo.”
“Ten minutes? Thank you.”
Rena hang up and slid her phone back inside the pocket of her coat. Once the rehearsal was over she had taken a quick shower, and was now heading to a television studio for the recording of a thirty-minute show about mangas. While waiting for the taxi she had just booked to arrive, the older Matsui thought back to the dance practice.
A smile had fallen upon her lips when she heard the notes of their new single for the first time. The lyrics were nice, and it was an enchanting melody. It was due to be released just before Christmas, truly a perfect moment in Rena’s eyes. She had no doubt people were going to love it. If truth be told, she had also been a bit surprised. The group was known for its energetic side, and it was not so often that they sang ballads. It was even rarer for a ballad to be chosen as the side A of a new single. At best, it was a coupling song.
She also had to admit the slow rhythm suited better her non-athletic body. Of course, she had improved a lot on that aspect since her first arrival in the group. It’s not like she had a choice on that matter, anyway. SKE’s songs were physically demanding, and their dancing coach inflexible. Sometimes, Rena wasn’t sure who was more intransigent regarding their choreographies: their dancing coach or Jurina. The latter didn’t tolerate the slightest mistake either. Not only was she very hard on herself, she also made sure the other girls mastered their choreographies. It was not uncommon to see her help another member with her moves if she considered she didn’t know them well enough.
Nevertheless, Rena still couldn’t proclaim herself a sporty girl. Far from it. It was not that she did not enjoy dancing on those upbeat tunes. After all,
Oki Doki was one of her favorite songs. And the joyful melody was pretty famous for being one of SKE’s most physically challenging songs. She sometimes even joked about it with Airi who always apprehended the immediate lack of energy that followed that particular song.
No, Rena was not afraid of a four-hour rehearsal anymore. Her body had gotten used to it overtime. Moreover, she knew how to preserve her strength effectively to not exhaust herself. It took her many years to find the right balance, but it was essential if she wished to survive in the idol group.
Rena really liked the new song, but something slightly bothered her: the composition of the senbatsu. Not many new girls were in it. In fact, it respected almost scrupulously the senbatsu of their previous single. Up to the position of each member. Maybe she shouldn’t be surprised. It had been this way from the start. SKE’s management rarely made bold decisions. When AKB changed the composition of their senbatsu quite frequently, SKE stuck to the same old one again and again.
To no one surprise, Jurina and her were still the double center. Rena couldn’t deny that there was a reassuring feeling to it. Each time she discovered she would be dancing by Jurina’s side again, she felt relieved. They worked well together on stage. Their moves always matched perfectly. In fact, they didn’t need anymore to rehearse a lot to be synchronized. It came naturally to them. Rena knew she could count on Jurina to handle the choreography. And the feeling was mutual.
Rena remembered hearing a few members voicing their concern when they happened to change positions. It was always disconcerting when a member had to suddenly change position for a song. The poor girl lost her regular landmark, and had to adjust very quickly to a new one. It could lead to confusion and mistakes. They were all professionals, but not infallible. That is why a change of position was sometimes welcomed, but always apprehended. It could give the opportunity for a girl to be more at the front, but it also required of her to be more attentive. Thankfully, Rena didn’t have to worry about that. Just like Jurina was the eternal center of SKE, her position was set in stone by her side.
But what about SKE’s future? She did not agree with SKE’s management’s choices. Their reluctance to include fresh blood was nothing but a mistake in her eyes. What was going to happen to the group once Jurina and her would be gone? Will SKE be able to survive the departure of its figureheads? Rena wanted to believe that they were not irreplaceable, but SKE’s management was not leaving the opportunity for other girls to shine.
Rena turned on her heels when she heard a familiar voice calling her name. A smile immediately plastered her face at the view of Jurina approaching, until it vanished when she noticed the baffled look she was giving her. Just as she was about to interrogate her about it, Jurina spoke up in a feeble murmur.
“You wrote me a song.”
Rena wanted to laugh. She
finally realized it. When they entered the dancing room early on and the young Matsui did not say a word to her about it, it was not hard to guess she had not read the paper in its integrality. At some point, Rena had thought of broaching the subject, until refraining from doing so. The rehearsal was about to begin, and Jurina would realize it soon or later anyway. Not to mention, she was not aware herself that their producer would include her solo in their next single. It had taken her by complete surprise.
“I did,” Rena confirmed. Her smile broadened when Jurina was still staring at her in utter perplexity a few seconds later. It was not every day you could render Jurina Matsui completely speechless. The sight was very entertaining. As a result, she couldn’t help but tease her a bit. “Don’t tell me you hate it.”
Rena was caught off guard when Jurina reduced the distance and wrapped her arms around her neck. Soft lips brushed her skin, and a kiss was placed on her cheek. “Idiot. You know I love it.”
The older Matsui didn’t miss the slight tremble in the young girl’s voice, clear evidence of her emotional state. With one arm she circled Jurina’s waist, while she caressed the back of her head. “I’m glad.”
“Why did you do this for me?” Jurina asked after a little while, disentangling herself to look at her.
Rena wasn’t surprised when she noticed a few silent tears, and she wiped them off Jurina’s cheeks carefully, before taking her hand and giving it a light squeeze. The young girl immediately intertwined their fingers together. “Don’t you remember? A few months ago, I told you I wanted to write a song for SKE48.”
Rena guessed by Jurina’s bewilderment that she absolutely did not recall this particular conversation. To be honest, she did not blame her. She had said those words very casually in the train that led them to Tokyo. That day, Jurina was so frustrated by the improbable lyrics of
Rivalry that she had a hard time memorizing them. Rena had agreed they didn’t reflect the true nature of her relationship with Mayu, before declaring she would one day write a song of her own.
“A month ago, I went to see our producer with the song I had written. I didn’t know how my request would be received. I knew my action to be quite bold, but I didn’t want to give up without trying,” Rena explained. She paused, watching Jurina attentively. Her silence and intense expression told her that she was waiting eagerly for her next words. She complied to her unvoiced request willingly.
“At first, he didn’t even speak much. He merely accepted the sheet and read the lyrics in front of me. When, a few seconds later, he placed the sheet back on the table without saying a word, I was convinced he would refuse. I could see no emotion whatsoever on his face. To my surprise, he accepted.”
“Our producer has always been a man very hard to decipher,” Jurina conceded. “But if you wanted to write a song about the group, why did it become a solo for me?”
“I don’t know,” Rena admitted. “I guess my initial intention changed along the way. Plus, in a sense, I’m still writing about SKE. You’re part of it, aren’t you?”
Jurina giggled at the light teasing she could discern in Rena’s tone. Maybe she would never understand what prompted Rena to write such a beautiful song for her, but one thing was certain: she was going to treasure this precious gift.
Jurina couldn’t help but wrap her arms around Rena’s neck again, the gesture making the other girl laugh. Her eyes shut when she felt the older Matsui embracing her in return. She let out a soft sigh, relishing their closeness. It didn’t take long before her thoughts went back to the lyrics of the song, still moved by the beautiful present Rena had just given her.
“You deserve it, Jurina,” Rena whispered.
Rena’s sweet voice was all it took for her to shed a few more tears.
TO BE CONTINUED