Series of (Un) Love A/N: This is my first time writing a song-fic, and a one-shot. I’m not even sure if this can be considered a one-shot because I have no clue on how to write one. So if this is wrong, then please forgive me. Anyways, this fic was supposed to have a happy ending, coz it was supposed to be a Christmas present from me…But it became a long fic, a sad one, and it totally had bad scenes in it. I hope that you guys can still enjoy this, even though it might not have a happy ending. It’s up to you guys whether it’s a happy ending, or a sad one. That’s why I named this ‘(Un)requited feelings.
Anyways…ENJOY!!!(Un)Requited LoveCouple: KojiYuu
Song: Almost by SNSD’s Jessica
Can you tell me how can one miss what she never had? ~I miss those times I spent with her. Those were the happiest moments I’ve ever had. But I was too stupid to even know that.How could I reminisce when there is no past? ~But how could I even miss her? I told her that I never liked her. That she wasn’t important to me. And that nothing between us, was happening.How could I have memories of being happy with you girl? ~Day and night. Rain and shine. Memories of fun times I had spent with you would flash inside my head.Can someone tell me how can this be? ~Why is this so? How can I miss you? How can I have memories of fun times with you? How can I be thinking about you after such a long time? And how can I do this…After everything I’ve done to you?How could my mind pull up incidents? ~Like that time you and I accidentally got locked up in the classroom until the next morning?Break-up, dates, and times that never happened? ~Why is my mind bringing up these stuff from the past?How could I celebrate a love that’s too late ~Is my love too late?And how could I really mean the words I’m about to say? ~Do I really mean the words “I’m sorry” and “I like you back”? When I just realized my true feelings after I lost you? How can I really mean these words, when I only managed to gain the confidence to try and tell you these?I miss the times that we almost shared ~I miss those ‘times’ that you predicted would happen. We were about to spend more time with each other, that’s what you said.I miss the love that was almost there ~I miss my feelings for you. I miss those times when that warm feeling would cloud my heart, whenever you’re near me.I miss the times that we used to kiss ~I miss those times that you would steal kisses from me whenever my guard is down.I list down my dreams, just let me take my time and reminisce ~I wrote down all the dreams I had of you inside the diary you once gave to me. All those dreams had the two of us, smiling happily. In love.I miss the times that we never had ~I was waiting for us to spend Christmas together. I was waiting for the necklace I found at a store, to get a discount so that I could give it to you. But you never came. You were already gone. And you didn’t even tell me.What happened to us? ~I hurted you.We were almost there ~The feelings were mutual. But why did I date her instead of you? Why did I choose her over you? Why was I so stupid to forget about everything you’ve ever done for me? We were almost there and I just had to be stupid.Who ever said it’s impossible to miss what you never had? When I never had you? ~Everyone said that it’s impossible to have something that you never had. Then why am I missing everything about you? Why do I miss your hugs, your kisses, you warm embraces?I cannot believe I let you go ~How could I let something so precious to me, go? How could I let you go when I can’t last a day without having you to annoy me with your ‘skinships’?What I should have said is… “I love you! You’re the one I love, not Mariko! Please stay with me.”I should have grabbed you up and never let you go ~Why didn’t I realize my feeling sooner? Why was I so stupid? How could I hurt you?I should have went out with you ~I should have accepted your daily confessions.I should have made you mine, girl ~And I should have been yours.Yes, that’s the time I should have broken the rules ~I really wish that I broke the rules.I should have went on a date ~Why didn’t I agree to your offers?Should have found a way to escape ~I should have tried something. Anything would have been better than not doing anything at all.Should have turned that almost into… ~I shouldn’t have stopped my feelings for you and turned that ‘almost’ into love.If it happens now, it’s too late ~Is it too late to tell you how I feel?How could I celebrate a love that wasn’t real ~How I wish that our love WAS realAnd if it didn’t happen, why does my heart feel… ~Because I really do love you.End of song ficHaruna’s POVSnowflakes dropped onto my head, making it look like as if I was wearing a hat made of snow. Although it wasn’t snowing hard, the streets were already filled with piles of white cold ice. And now as I looked around me, it wasn’t much of a surprise that not a single soul, besides me, was in sight.
After turning by a corner, I entered through the gates, while smiling at the few people that were inside the school. I guess that even they decided to come here and take a look around the school like I did.
Maybe they have nothing else better to do?
Or is it that they’re lonely, like I am?Putting my cold and freezing hands into my warm pockets, I went into the classrooms and took a look at the desks I used to sit on and saw some of my writings that has been scribbled with several colors of ink.
Guess they didn’t change some of the desks.
Walking out of the classrooms, I then proceeded to go to some of the places where most of the fun times I’ve had, happened. Memories then came rushing into my head, as I walked by the places I loved and missed most terribly.
Memories of my good friends, happy moments and even some hilarious memories that made me laugh out loud.
Oh, how I miss my high school days.Every day was just filled with something fun, something crazy and even better, something unexpected. Like that one time when one of my good friends, Acchan, confessed to another good friend of mine, Minami.
That was seriously the most unexpected day ever. Who would have thought that the Playgirl Maeda Atsuko was in love with the Fail King Takamina? It totally shocked everyone.
Acchan have dated several guys and girls from other schools, and not even for a moment did we consider her to like Minami. It was just shocking. And what’s even more shocking was the scene of those two doing ‘it’ inside the classroom!
However, though memories of my two friends made me laugh, a growing seed of jealously made me stop my laughter.
I envied them.I mean, look at them. Nine years later, they’re getting married. How could they stay in love with each other for such a long time? Even Marichin and I broke up two years after graduation.
They’re so lucky.I’m already 27 years old, yet I have no plans on getting married, nor do I have someone to get married to.
I sighed.
Maybe I shouldn’t have broken up with Marichin. Maybe by now, we would be talking about our marriage, or even better, have the wedding on the same day as Acchan and that midget, Takamina, which was tomorrow. We would probably be getting our dresses ready, with me wearing the white gown and Marichin wearing the suit.
Now that I thinking about it, Marichin would definitely look good in a groom’s suit. After all, she already looked good during that Danso event in one of our school festivals.
ACHOO!A sudden sneeze caused me to stop my thoughts. As I wiped away the tears that came along with my sneeze, I began to wander why it suddenly became cold. Then looking around, I realize the reason why, and was completely taken aback by the sudden change of surroundings.
I was by the cafeteria a moment ago, and now I’m at the campus. How did I get here without even noticing it?Just then, a familiar spot caught my eye, making my thoughts of my previous relationship with Shinoda Mariko, plus the reason as to why I managed to come out without realization, come to a halt.
That tree.Staring at the cherry blossom tree that stood right in front of me, tears began to slowly fall as memories of the past came rushing in, replacing the memories that I was happily reminiscing about.
The last time I stood here, it was March.It was graduation and the cherry tree was starting to blossom. Everyone was laughing, crying, and promising not to forget one another all at the same time.
It was such a sight to behold.
The second last time I stood here, it was Christmas.The cherry tree looked like it was naked due to the missing flowers, but the Christmas lights made it look beautiful. I was leaning on Marichin’s shoulder, happy that I was with the person I thought I loved the most.
And the third last time I stood here…Was it July? Or was it August?I don’t remember if it was before OR after summer break. But there was something I DO remember.
I hurted someone who was very in love with me.I told her to stay away from me. That she was being annoying by always hugging me when I was already with someone else.
And as those thoughts came clouding my mind, my heart suddenly felt a sharp pain when I realized that…
On Christmas, the day that she was looking forward the most to spend with everyone else, she didn’t come.We all waited for her, but she never arrived.
That one event that she loved the most and often referred to as the ‘most beautiful and magical time of the year’ was not celebrated.
Then on our graduation, that last event that we would ever get to see each other again, was not attended.Everyone waited for her to give a speech, since it was her who got the highest grades in the overall exams, she still didn’t show up. Everyone was starting to wonder where she was, and I was getting worried.
FlashbackEveryone was looking around, searching for that one person who was going to start the event with her speech. Murmurs were starting to occur, and soon, the whole place was filled by everyone’s whisperings.
“Where could that Oshima girl be?” Some cried with a hint of annoyance, getting upset that the ceremony was getting delayed.
“Do you think she never prepared a speech and now she’s afraid to go up on stage?” A few asked.
Some sighed out loud with an obvious hint of annoyance.
Others complained.
However, only a few of us sat together, calling and messaging the missing girl, worriedly.
Everyone was getting tired of waiting. Fortunately, our wait came to an end as the principal walked up to the front of the stage with the microphone in his hand.
“Would everyone please sit back down? We shall commence our graduation ceremony, without the speech of the top student,” he then looked at our small group.
“but by the second top student.” The principal said into the microphone, and everyone turned to our small group.
Takamina nudged Mariko to stand up, but as she did, she grabbed my hand and looked at me, as if asking for help.
“Go.” I mouthed to her, giving her a slight push.
She walked up to the stage, continuously looking at me and our friends, and the door, hoping that Yuuchan would be bursting through the door.
Unfortunately for her, Yuuchan never did burst through the door, nor did she reply to our calls or messages.The rest of the ceremony went smoothly after Marichin’s unprepared and a bit hilarious speech, though I’m not really sure how she did. I was just too busy looking at the door, at my phone or even looking around.
Why is Yuuchan not here? Did she get into an accident? Is she alright? Did she forget that today was our graduation? Or…Worrying questions filled my mind, causing to fidget continuously. But then, one thing crossed my mind, making all of my worries pushed aside.
Is she still mad at me?So much that she won’t even go to her own graduation?My questions received their answers soon enough.
“I’m sure that some of you are wondering why Shinoda Mariko, and not Oshima Yuko, gave the speech.” The principal started, before taking a big breath.
“Oshima Yuko is no longer a student of our school.”What?“She has been given a chance to study abroad, and start her university life even though she still hasn’t graduated.”he smiled.
“I am quite proud to say that she has passed the exam for the Harvard University with flying colors. Due to that, she has left the country to start her freshman year.”“Let us all hope that she continues on her pursue to attain happiness.” He then walked to his seat and began clapping. The teachers followed him, smiling as they remembered their top and favorite student.
Many, clapped.
Others, cheered.
Few, were sad.
And as for me…
I was too shocked to even give any other kind of emotion.End of FlashbackShe never did tell me about her exams or anything related to that. So that was the reason why after she wasn’t around during the school’s sport festival, or even Christmas. Apparently, she left in September. A month after I last saw her. And the last time I saw her…
…was the time that I told her I was in love with Marichin.That was also when I told her that she was being annoying by being beside me all the time.
Staring at the naked cherry blossom tree in front of me, I touched the branches that had no flowers, before sighing and walked out of the school, hoping that by leaving the place where all my pains began, would make me feel better.
But no…Even after walking several yards away…
Even though I’m near my house…
I can still feel the pain in my heart.
And it hurts.A lot.It hurts a lot, to know that I hurted someone who loved me. Who loved me so much that she endured all my cold treatments to her.
Now lying here on my bed, the place of my comfort, the place where I can stop worrying about stuff from the outside of my house, I lay awake. Tossing and turning, I tried to close my eyes and sleep. But…
Closing my eyes, I could imagine her crying face.
Opening my eyes, I could imagine her smiling face.
Either way, she was still in my mind.
When I opened my eyes for probably the nth time, it’s already two in the morning. And I really need to get some sleep. In just a few hours, Acchan and Takamina are getting married.
And as the best ‘man’, I have to be punctual.
I think I did manage to sleep, without myself even realizing it. When I woke up, it was already ten in the morning, two hours away from the time needed for me to be at the church. I got up from my bed, bathe, and dressed up.
Looking at myself in the mirror, I saw myself in a suit. I bet Yuuchan would love seeing me in this. She always said I looked handsome in men’s clothing, but then, she said that I looked good in anything I wear.
My eyes widened the moment I realized that I was thinking about her again, even though I already instructed my mind many times not to. I managed to eat, but I was imagining her eating with me.
Before getting into my car, I opened the passenger’s door, imagining that she was going to ride with me.
“I think I’m going mad.” I sighed to myself when I realized what I was doing.
I got into my car and started driving to the church. But on my way, I passed by the school again. I saw the cherry blossom tree and I gripped my wheel hard.
After passing by the school, I drove by a bakery and cafes. I would stare at them for a while whenever the traffic light turned red, giving me a chance to reminisce.
“Happy anniversary!” her voice rang in my head, still sounding the same as I used to hear from her. The image of her saying that to me could be seen in front of one of the cafes.
You used to celebrate the day we met. The day that we became ‘official’.Is it too late to celebrate that? Is it too late to want to celebrate that?I managed to reach the venue soon, saving me from any further reminiscing. Getting out of my car, I started heading towards the ‘groom’, and heard Takamina talking to Acchan on the phone.
“Don’t worry, Atsuko. The wedding will go fine.”I could just imagine Acchan panicking in her dressing room while talking to Takamina. Chuckling, I decided to take a walk around the place. But before then, I heard Takamina say…
“I love you.” and then I was out of ear-shot’s way.
I love you, huh?Sitting on a rock bench, I began to sigh. I miss her touch. I miss her ‘skinship’, even though I acted reluctant to hug her back. And then, I began to miss everything.
Her kisses on my cheeks, on my hand, on my…
Lips.I looked up at the sky, and suddenly, almost every cloud that passed by, reminded me my dreams of you.
Of us.I sighed.
I can’t even stop myself from thinking about her. Looking at my watch, I began to wonder when the wedding would start. But before I could even wonder any further, I saw your name engraved on the side of my watch.
This watch was what you gave to me for the last Christmas we spent together.
The Christmas that we were still happy as friends, but nothing more, to me that was.
I never did manage to give you your present, didn’t I?Sighing, I began to massage my temples. How did everything ended up this way?
Ah. I know.I hurted you.Fortunately for me and my guilty self, Miichan interrupted my daydreaming. Normally, I would glare at her, but now, I’m thankful that she did.
I stood up and followed her to the entrance of the church, where I saw Mariko.
Walking to her side, I greeted her with a friendly hello. Mariko greeted me back with a friendlier hello, and soon, we were engaged in a conversation. The priest then motioned for Takamina to enter the church, even though the bride has yet to arrive.
Several minutes passed and Acchan finally arrived, wearing a luxurious white gown that made her face even more beautiful.
Wow, Takamina sure is lucky.When I turned to Takamina to congratulate her, I found her sniffing and crying, making everyone that has seen her, sweatdropped.
Miichan saw this and began laughing at her, making Takamina turn to her with a glare and send her a deadly glare to stop her from laughing any further, since it was supposed to be a formal event.
Miichan only gave stuck-out tongue at her, not even feeling the threat from the shorter girl.
Acchan smiled at her, and Takamina wiped away the forming tears, while saying ‘I love you’ as she ignored Miichan’s snickering. Miichan began to copy Takamina’s ‘I love you’ and I sweatdropped when Takamina took a candle and threw it at Miichan’s head.
Miichan turned to her and walked towards the glaring girl. They began to bicker and such, but I was too busy thinking, to even try and stop them.
“I love you! You’re the one I love, not Mariko! Please stay with me.” that’s what I should have told you.
But no.I told you some harsh stuff instead.
“You mean nothing to me! Stop staying close to me all the time! It’s annoying!”I should have hugged you, stopped your flowing tears, and told you how much you meant to me when you saw me kissing Mariko in the classroom.
But then again, no.I stayed where I was, and watched you as you ran.
I’m sure that if I did do all of those stuff, I would have been happier with you, than I had been with Mariko. I wouldn’t be standing here, regretting anything.
And even though I was dating her, I should have done something about it. I should have at least tried to keep you beside me, and told you how I really felt the moment I rejected you.
I wish that I agreed to go eat with you. Or maybe went to the movie.I should have at least let my feelings for you let loose. I should have tried to stop being so cold to you, confusing you by being kind and doing stuff that, as you said, ‘warm’.
I should have turned that ‘almost’ into love.I sighed and separated the two bickering girls. After seeing that there was no longer anything to watch, everyone got into their positions and waited to enter the church with their pairs.
I looked at Mariko, who only smiled at me and went to Miichan’s side, making me arch my eyebrows.
Wasn’t she the maid of honor? Isn’t she supposed to walk down with the best man, which is me?“Don’t worry, the maid of honor will be here soon.” Miichan winked at me. I looked at her confusingly and Acchan laughed. The two of them, including Mariko, then began to whisper among themselves, and would look at my way every now and then, making me feel uncomfortable.
Somehow, I feel that they’re planning something.Just then, a car drove into the church and headed at me, scaring me to death. I gave a sigh of relief when the car came to a halt, just several meters away from me. A woman in casual clothing came out and apologized at me, before walking to Acchan and the others.
“Sorry I’m late!” the woman apologized and lowered her head as everyone stared at her. Acchan smiled at her and told her that it was fine.
I’m in a church, and I want to be with you. But how can I celebrate a love that wasn’t real?During the meantime, my eyes couldn’t stop staring at her. I started wondering who she was ,and what was her relationship with Acchan, since I’ve never seen her with Takamina or Acchan.
Besides, I thought that everyone has arrived, so I have no clue as to who she was.
But then…
Those eyes.When her eyes locked with mine, I instantly knew who she was.
Could it be?Acchan walked towards me, while pulling her along. I could see that she was reluctant to follow Acchan. But she had no choice. Acchan was the bride, and the girl had such a strong grip on her wrist. Acchan took my hand and made me hold the other woman’s hand.
“See? I told you that the maid of honor would arrive.” Miichan told me, sending me a smirk as she walked to my side.
Acchan turned to the ‘captured’ woman and said, “This girl right here is Takamina’ best man, Haruna.” Before turning to me.
“And this girl right here is my maid of honor, Yuko.” she looked at me and gave me a smile, though I could see the sadism in it.
Acchan is such a sadist. Now I’m starting to pity Takamina.
Miichan was probably snickering behind me as she watched me gaping at the girl who had occupied my mind for the past…several years. However, I was too busy staring at her, wondering what I should do, to even smack the Gachapin girl.
“It has been a long time, Haruna.” she smiled at me.
Haruna? What happened to the nickname you used to call me with?“Y-yeah.” I couldn’t find anything to say to you.
Fortunately, the wedding started and Acchan had to go behind me and Yuko. Miichan would consistently look at me, giving me one of her annoying smirks, making me want to walk up to her and smack the life out of her.
Now I get why Takamina gets annoyed at her.
She probably planned this. But then…I turned to Acchan, who gave me one of her innocent smiles. Narrowing my eyes, I then concluded that even Acchan was part of this.
“Is there something wrong, Haruna?”I looked at you.
Can’t you call me Nyan Nyan, like how you used to?Shaking my head at her, I then smiled.
“No. Nothing.”I looked in front of me and sighed in relief when it was our turn to walk down the aisle. This means that I could stand away from her until I’ve figured out what to do.
When the two of us have finally walked down the aisle, she proceeded to stand on the place where Acchan was supposed to stand.
Everyone watched the bride as she walked down the aisle, with beautiful and watering eyes. Everyone whispered among themselves, saying that Acchan was so beautiful and such. Everyone was paying attention to her, but not me. I was too busy looking at the maid of honor.
She looked so beautiful.Nine years have passed, and she grown even more beautiful. If she WAS the one wearing Acchan’s gown, I’m sure that she’ll be even more beautiful.
I want to go there, to where you are, and tell you how I really feel. How sorry I am. And how much I love you. But if I did that, would you forgive me?I want to apologize to you. But then…
”I hate you.”My eyes opened wide as I remembered what she said, and I looked away.
She can’t possibly hate me that much, right? But then, she looked at me with so much hurt in her eyes as she had tears falling from her eyes that day.
“I wish I never met you.” you told me before turning away and left me there.
I wonder if you still hate me as much as you did before. I’m not sure if you’ve forgiven me, but it is obvious that you are uncomfortable with me.
I can also see that you’re trying hard not to look back at me. It’s a good thing though. Because that would just make things awkward.
I’m still staring at her, even though the bride has reached the groom. The ceremony continued, but I never did pay any attention, making me look like a fool in front of everyone in the room.
But did you know what?
I didn’t even care.
Because the girl I love,
The girl I spent every day thinking about,
The girl who has finally come back after nine years,
And the girl who I should have requited feelings with years ago,
Is standing here in front of me.
I’ll apologize.
And maybe.
Just maybe.
If she’d forgive me,
And still have even just a bit of feeling left for me,
I’ll be the most happiest to be with her.
And have…
A Requited LoveTHE ENDWoah~ I can’t believe I managed to finish this without another story in line. I thought that this would become a long fic, and I’m so glad that it wasn’t! YEAH! Goal has been attained! Anyways…
THANK YOU FOR READING!!! Byee~!
Topic: [AKB48] Series of (Un)Love - (Un)Selfish Love (05/14/14) (Read 76058 times)