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Author Topic: "Promise Me..."  (Read 4597 times)

Offline ach0i

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"Promise Me..."
« on: November 25, 2007, 01:05:56 AM »
Hey everyone. This is my first posted fanfic.
Please enjoy and help me make it better. ^-^





Chapter 1:



It is a sunny morning, though the air is crisp and smells of smoke coming from the chimneys of the street-side eateries and markets miles away.
They seem to be getting ready for the busy day ahead. I tighten my grasp onto my book bag, fighting off the grogginess.

We walk opposite sidewalks, it’s comfortable this way. It is a new beginning of sorts.
A new town; a new high school; a new chance at life…for her at least.

We continue to walk to our new high school in silence.

---------

The bell has rung.

“Good morning class, and welcome to a new semester.
You all are juniors now, one more year and then it’s off into the big world. So study hard and stay positive!”

“Yes sir.” We all chime in.

The teacher looks around and meets my gaze.

“Ah! I almost forgot! We have two new students joining us.
They both transferred here from Yokohama.
Why don’t you two stand up and introduce yourselves to the class up here?”

We both stand up and go to the front. I pass a glance at her.
She looks disinterested and averts her gaze by staring out the window.
This was my signal to speak for us both.

“Hello. I am Fujimoto Keiji and this is Fujimoto Miki. We are cousins, our fathers are brothers.
Both of our fathers work together in a trades company and have been transferred here to Tokyo.
We are pleased to meet you all.”

We both take a short bow and return to our seats and class resumes.
The teacher gives out questions for us to answer, row by row. It’s Miki’s turn to answer.

“I don’t know.” She replies.

She’s doodling on her notebook, her textbook isn’t even open. The teacher chuckles.
“Please try harder next time.” He continues on to the next student and she resumes drawing.

It is two hours into History when we have a short break. I look towards Miki. She is staring off into space.
She looks out the window and then looks down at her desk. I see a group of girls walking towards her desk.
It seems they are all introducing themselves to her.

“Hey there, I’m Takahashi Ai, and this is Niigaki Risa, Tanaka Reina, Kamei Eri, and Michishige Sayumi.”
They all respond with a “Hey”.

“So you’re from Yokohama, right?” Takahashi asks.

Miki glances up at them and looks at them for a moment.

“Yeah, that’s right…”

‘Amazing…they got her to speak.’

They continue to question her and shockingly, she responds.
‘I guess she’s ready to move on…’


The break ends and it’s time to switch classes.

_______________________



Offline JFC

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Re: "Promise Me..."
« Reply #1 on: November 25, 2007, 04:53:27 AM »
Quote
“Hey there, I’m Takahashi Ai, and this is Niigaki Risa, Tanaka Reina, Kamei Eri, and Michishige Sayumi.”
They all respond with a “Hey”.

“So you’re from Yokohama, right?” Takahashi asks.

Miki glances up at them and looks at them for a moment.

“Yeah, that’s right…”

‘Amazing…they got her to speak.’
They continue to question her and shockingly, she responds.
‘I guess she’s ready to move on…’
THIS part was what drew my attention here. At first Miki just seemed to be...well...typical Miki. But when Keiji makes that remark about her "moving on", you can't help but wonder, move on...from what?  :dunno:

JPH!P :heart:'s Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline ach0i

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Re: "Promise Me..."
« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2007, 07:31:36 AM »
...time will tell. :)

Offline ach0i

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Re: "Promise Me..."
« Reply #3 on: November 25, 2007, 07:17:41 PM »
Chapter 2:


The next class was PE. We suited up and all met out on the track.
I looked around and found Miki standing alone.
I figured I’d go stand with her, but as I walked towards her, the PE teacher blew her whistle.

We began stretching and then did timed laps around the track. Miki quickly past me and began leading the class.

“Wow! Look at the new girl.”
“Dang, she’s fast.”
“Who is that?”
People started to talk about her.

 Just then, another girl past me in a blur. She was starting to catch up with Miki, then she past her.
I caught a glimpse of Miki’s eyes. ‘Great. She’s in competitive-mode now.’
It continued on for the last 8 laps. Miki leading, then the other girl; back and forth.
It ended with the other girl barely passing her by 2 seconds.

“Yoshizawa has a new competitor it seems!” It was the PE teacher.
Miki was on the ground, out of breath when the PE teacher walked towards her.

“Hey, Fujimoto! You should join the track team! We could use you in the long relays.” Miki only nodded.

I looked at the other girl; she was also out of breath.
But she turned her head towards Miki’s direction and smiled.

The rest of PE class was filled with “beginning of the year” physical fitness testing.
People were astonished by Miki’s athletic abilities, which I knew all too well.
‘I wonder if she’ll join some sports teams again.’

__________________________


Offline Gomaki

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Re: "Promise Me..."
« Reply #4 on: November 25, 2007, 07:58:48 PM »
Interesting...  :)
Yomiki~?  :D

keep going!^^

Offline Kreuz_Asakura

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Re: "Promise Me..."
« Reply #5 on: November 25, 2007, 09:03:10 PM »
Ok, ok, did I read Fujimoto Miki? Did I read Yoshizawa too? :w00t:
Now you have all my atention :D

Offline JFC

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Re: "Promise Me..."
« Reply #6 on: November 25, 2007, 09:42:26 PM »
Quote
We began stretching and then did timed laps around the track. Miki quickly past me and began leading the class.

...

 Just then, another girl past me in a blur. She was starting to catch up with Miki, then she past her.
I caught a glimpse of Miki’s eyes. ‘Great. She’s in competitive-mode now.’

...

“Yoshizawa has a new competitor it seems!” It was the PE teacher.
Miki was on the ground, out of breath when the PE teacher walked towards her.

...

I looked at the other girl; she was also out of breath.
But she turned her head towards Miki’s direction and smiled.
Athletic rivalries usually come with mutual respect, and can often develop strong bonds of friendship as well. We still don't know what issues Miki has right now, but considering how she's putting forth this much effort in a new environment with a bunch of new people, maybe Keiji's right, and Miki really is ready to "move on".


Quote
The rest of PE class was filled with “beginning of the year” physical fitness testing.
People were astonished by Miki’s athletic abilities, which I knew all too well.
Hopefully, the other students don't start getting jealous of Miki's skills and start alienating/avoiding her because of it.

JPH!P :heart:'s Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline ach0i

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Re: "Promise Me..." [ch. 3]
« Reply #7 on: November 25, 2007, 10:03:26 PM »
Chapter 3:


Lunch period was next. We both bought food and sat next to each other, at last. 
She took some of my food, out of habit; I was fine with it.

“You seem happier…”
“Mm.” She said while munching. She took more of my food.

“Hey, can we sit here?”

I looked up and it was the group of girls from before. I looked at Miki and she nodded.
They started mindless chatter with Miki, about how she liked school so far and what not.
Miki just answered in short replies and nods. She continued to take my food.

Finally I was noticed.

“You’re Keiji right?” It was that Takahashi Ai girl.

“Uh...yeah.” I looked at her.

‘My god, she’s beautiful.’ I averted my gaze and the other girls laughed.

There was a large clattering as a tray of food was thrown on the table.
I looked up and it was the girl from PE. Yoshizawa-san.

“Ahh jeez. You’re making a big entrance aren’t you?” This time it was Reina.

Yoshizawa scratched her head and waved a “Yo.” to the girls. Then she eyed Miki.

“Ey’ you, you’re a pretty good athlete.”

Miki continued to eat nonchalantly.

“My name’s Yoshizawa Hitomi.” Yoshizawa continued.

“We call her Yossie.” It was Reina again to speak.

Miki looked up from her food finally. Yoshizawa smiled at her.

Miki got up from the table. She was done with her meal and walked off.

The group of girls and Yoshizawa watched her walk off.

“What the hell is her problem?” Yoshizawa snapped.

“Maybe she’s just shy.” Sayumi replied.

“Yeah, maybe she was shocked by how suave you are.” Risa added.

“Don’t be sarcastic with me!” yelled Yoshizawa.

Then they looked at me. I had just finished my food.

“Please excuse me…and her…”

I walked from the table and looked for Miki.

_______________________

« Last Edit: November 25, 2007, 10:04:27 PM by ach0i »

Offline JFC

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Re: "Promise Me..."
« Reply #8 on: November 25, 2007, 10:25:21 PM »
Quote
Lunch period was next. We both bought food and sat next to each other, at last.
She took some of my food, out of habit; I was fine with it.

...

She took more of my food.

...

 She continued to take my food.
Yeah, that seems pretty normal for Miki. :P



Quote
Finally I was noticed.

“You’re Keiji right?” It was that Takahashi Ai girl.

“Uh...yeah.” I looked at her.

‘My god, she’s beautiful.’ I averted my gaze and the other girls laughed.
Can't help but wonder though if he'd have been noticed by them if he hadn't been sitting with Miki at the time. :D



Quote
Miki got up from the table. She was done with her meal and walked off.

The group of girls and Yoshizawa watched her walk off.

“What the hell is her problem?” Yoshizawa snapped.

“Maybe she’s just shy.” Sayumi replied.

“Yeah, maybe she was shocked by how suave you are.” Risa added.

“Don’t be sarcastic with me!” yelled Yoshizawa.

Then they looked at me. I had just finished my food.

“Please excuse me…and her…”

I walked from the table and looked for Miki.
They don't know why she's being the way that she is. Sooner or later Keiji's probably going to tell them about whatever it is that's bothering Miki. At the same time, can't help but wonder if Miki even cares if she's alienated or not. :(

JPH!P :heart:'s Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline Rick-e

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Re: "Promise Me..."
« Reply #9 on: November 26, 2007, 02:41:57 AM »
Interesting first chapters! Wonder what made miki so shy like that? hopefully the girls will help her open up =D

Gaki-san 大好き!

Offline ach0i

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Re: "Promise Me..."
« Reply #10 on: November 26, 2007, 06:14:15 AM »
eh..after chapter 4

it'll take a little longer...

i really want to shape the story and direct it to miki's past.

thanks for the all the reader's thoughts for now. :)

Offline JFC

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Re: "Promise Me..."
« Reply #11 on: November 26, 2007, 05:58:29 PM »
Don't worry about it if it takes you a bit longer. It's no problem for us. :yep:

JPH!P :heart:'s Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline ach0i

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Re: "Promise Me..."
« Reply #12 on: November 26, 2007, 09:55:31 PM »
Chapter 4:


I had just walked out of the cafeteria when I saw Miki walk out of the restrooms.
I caught up with her.

“What’s wrong?” I questioned her. I knew something was up.

“Nothing…”

“You’re not thinking about…”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s been a year now.”

“…”

The rest of the day went on normal, we had three other classes and then school was finally over.
We walked home, this time on the same side of the road.

“That girl…Yoshizawa”, Miki started.

“Yeah, what about her?”

“She’s completely the opposite.”

I thought about it…

“Yeah, she is.”

“Do you think I’ll…”

I looked at her. She was staring off into the horizon.

“You promised me. Remember?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I promise.”


________________

I feel like my story's becoming too generic.... :banghead:
i wonder how i'll spice this up.
expect long delays now.. :-\

Offline JFC

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Re: "Promise Me..."
« Reply #13 on: November 27, 2007, 01:00:44 AM »
A year? :O  Whatever it is that's been bothering/hurting Miki must have been really big to have affected her this long. Evidently something about Yossi has triggered Miki to start speaking up, but what exactly? Does she remind her of someone?

JPH!P :heart:'s Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline Kreuz_Asakura

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Re: "Promise Me..."
« Reply #14 on: November 27, 2007, 01:20:35 AM »
Mmm... I think I need to read more to say something, but yeah, this fic seems interesting
I'll be waiting for the next chapters

Offline kazitakato

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Re: "Promise Me..."
« Reply #15 on: December 07, 2007, 03:25:04 PM »
pleaseeee........ :wriggly: :wriggly:...in the name of all that is holy......let there be an Ayaya appearance for a GAM moment......

or maybe she has something to do with Miki's past?  :glasses:hmm....the plot thickens.....

spreading the usa-chan love....i mean darkness(thanks to JFC)

Offline Haruka

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Re: "Promise Me..."
« Reply #16 on: January 16, 2009, 04:23:35 AM »
People really kill me with half fics T_T


God!! She knows she's HOT!

Offline JFC

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Re: "Promise Me..."
« Reply #17 on: January 16, 2009, 04:35:42 AM »
People really kill me with half fics T_T
And you're killing everyone else by needlessly bumping up fics that have not been updated in months, if not YEARS.

Your posts wouldn't be as annoying if you actually contributed some new thoughts/ideas by making some comments about the stories themselves, but since almost all of your posts are just

"OHMAHGAD! DIS ISH AWESUM!!! UPDATE PLZ! UPDATE PLZ! UPDATE PLZ!!!"

they simply don't.


Keep in mind, if you're reading a fic, and the very LAST post in it is older than 6 months, then it's NOT very likely that it's going to get updated anytime soon. You posting "UPDATE PLZ! UPDATE PLZ! UPDATE PLZ!" won't do anything but:
a) get people's hopes up that a fic has been updated, and
b) get people PISSED OFF at you when they realize that it has NOT been updated.

JPH!P :heart:'s Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline Haruka

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Re: "Promise Me..."
« Reply #18 on: January 16, 2009, 04:55:24 AM »
People really kill me with half fics T_T
And you're killing everyone else by needlessly bumping up fics that have not been updated in months, if not YEARS.

Your posts wouldn't be as annoying if you actually contributed some new thoughts/ideas by making some comments about the stories themselves, but since almost all of your posts are just

"OHMAHGAD! DIS ISH AWESUM!!! UPDATE PLZ! UPDATE PLZ! UPDATE PLZ!!!"

they simply don't.


Keep in mind, if you're reading a fic, and the very LAST post in it is older than 6 months, then it's NOT very likely that it's going to get updated anytime soon. You posting "UPDATE PLZ! UPDATE PLZ! UPDATE PLZ!" won't do anything but:
a) get people's hopes up that a fic has been updated, and
b) get people PISSED OFF at you when they realize that it has NOT been updated.


That's true o_O

but I can't enter in pleople's mind xD litteraly ._.

I must admit I'm reading all the fanfic forum xD cause I like read ._.

Can give some ideas but that really didn't help if the writer do not answer x_x

Some maybe could continue it, but it will be weird suck into another history.

I'm jus bring it back some memory's cause this forum looks cool at me =3

Hope people come back too.

Ideas mmmmm... You're really pissed off xD

Well I have a lot of it, but can tell them right now, I'm off =3

Duty calls -_-


God!! She knows she's HOT!

Offline JFC

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Re: "Promise Me..."
« Reply #19 on: January 16, 2009, 05:14:50 AM »
Ideas mmmmm... You're really pissed off xD
You haven't seen me pissed off. Trust me, it's not pretty.


Well I have a lot of it, but can tell them right now, I'm off =3

Duty calls -_-
Next time, if you DO have a lot of ideas about the actual stories, then try SHARING them. That would be much, much, much, much, MUCH preferable to the repetitive "UPDATE PLZ! UPDATE PLZ! UPDATE PLZ!" posts that you've been making so far. This area grows when people actually contribute to the conversation/discussion of the stories. The more significant and substantial posts that you make here, then the more welcome you will be here.

JPH!P :heart:'s Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

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