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Author Topic: Amics, en gran cossirer  (Read 2291 times)

Offline elgie

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Amics, en gran cossirer
« on: May 26, 2008, 05:18:44 PM »
ACT I- Tenso nº 1

She managed to open the classroom door the very moment the ringbell was fading away. With one hand holding the bundle of books and the other one wringing her wet hair out, she headed towards the back of the class and sat in one of the few open seats. Just when the teacher was entering the room her cellphone began to ring loudly; she tried to mute the device as she felt the warning looks of her pissed classmates all over her. The overwhelming sense of embarrassment went further when she saw the caller ID in the small screen before she reluctantly turned the call down.

Amics, en gran cossirer...

Friend, I am in great anguish
and in heavy throes because of you;
and I don't think you are at all affected
by the ills I suffer.


She tried to concentrate on the lecture but a few minutes later she was disturbed again by the muffled beep of the phone. She took a quick glance at the message: "Hi MK! Brkfast wit the bunch, want join?"
She texted the reply as fast as she could, trying not to miss the teacher's dissertation: "Im at class now. C ya latr" and turned the phone off, hoping that she could finally enjoy the class, but soon after her mind was wandering and couldn't concentrate anymore, except for the short moments where the lost words of hopeless lovers from centuries ago were cited by the passionate voice of the lecturer.

Well, why do you take to loving
only to leave all the pain to me?
Why don't we both share it equally?


It took her a few seconds to realize that her sigh had been made audible for the whole class, and now everyone were staring at her again. She decided to emulate one of those great poets, his favorite one, and thus mumbled: "Farai un vers, pos mi sonelh"* and closed her eyes, ready to take a refreshing nap.


*I'll make a verse, since I'm sleepy"
« Last Edit: May 27, 2008, 11:15:34 AM by elgie »

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Offline elgie

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Re: Amics, en gran cossirer
« Reply #1 on: May 26, 2008, 07:23:04 PM »
Mmmm, please comment? I like comments :D

Lady, Love acts in such a way,
when linking two lovers,
that each feels, in his own opinion,
all the pain and all the happiness.


- I'm sorry if the class was so boring to you today - His voice sounded serious, but the mischievous gleam in his dark eyes betrayed the solemn tone of the scold. She took a glance at her watch - oh god I'm late again - and bowed her head apologetically.

- It's my whole fault, sir. I've been having a lack of sleep lately, though that's no excuse... I'll try my best next time.
- I don't mind whatever you do while at class, Ms. Korenaga, as long as you don't disrupt the lecture... and give your assignments within the deadline, which reminds me... how's the work going?
- Well I have a great hardship finding some literature about the matter... especially the psychologic part - how in the hell did she decide to make a paper about the psychological struggles of the people in the middle ages, through the debates about love and emotional liaisons in the works of the first troveurs, when in the beginning she was attending this subject merely because everyone said it was so easy to pass... and there she was, inmersed in that fascinating yet hard to comprehend world of trovar clus and trovar leu, trying to understand the obscure words with a simple dictionary and all the strength of will she could gather.
- I believe there's been some works made about that, not in japanese of course; but if you've been able to translate Marcabru I guess you'll have no problem with them. I can bring you a copy next day.
- Thank you very much, Mr. Hirogawa.
- Forget it. And, by the way, we're doing Bertran de Born next day: I'm sure you'll enjoy it - he winked as she exited the teacher's office.

Once in the train, she flipped through her textbook until she found the reference to Bertran de Born: "Maces and swords, colorful helmets,/ and shields I see rip and break /when the army enters, /and many vassals I see wound each other /where the horses of the dead and the injured / look for a shelter in the forest".

She licked her lips in anticipation. "Oh yes, I'm so going to love this".

For I think, and I am no braggart,
that the entire load of this harsh heartache
is on my shoulders.


Btw, I'd like to credit the translation of the poem that gives title to this fic to this website, Copyright 1996 by Leonardo Malcovati, reprinted by permission of the author. As for the rest of translations, they're by myself, which isn't hard to notice since they're so bad :P
« Last Edit: May 26, 2008, 08:47:35 PM by elgie »

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Offline elgie

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Re: Amics, en gran cossirer
« Reply #2 on: May 26, 2008, 08:39:54 PM »
- And then she said... Oh hey Koretty, you finally made it!  - the crowd of noisy girls cheered her as she approached the waiting room, just minutes before they were due to start the rehearsals - Sorry for disturbing you during your class, I didn't know..

- It's OK, Shiba-chan. I barely had to stand a 10-minute long scold - she answered cheerfully, grabbing a bottle of water before she sat on the arm of the sofa. She then let reality slide by her, sinking in her thoughts while the rest kept chatting and laughing. Shiba-chan was whining again because Rika had been neglecting her lately, always so interested in chasing Yossi around all the while she left her true, faithful friend behind. It all had started that way, when Shiba-chan started to confide in her, complaining about her lost friend and asserting how much she relied in her now. The boost in her confidence, along with a small tad of jealousy, helped to build that strange feeling, something she wouldn't ever dare to feel about another woman.

Friend, if you had one quarter
of the pain that batters me,
you would see my crux;


From her privileged watchtower on the top of the sofa, she observed her as she talked and smiled, moved her hands to emphasize a remark, patted her knee when she seeked her approval for any point she would defend. Just when she couldn't restrain the flush in her ears anymore, she was saved by the bell, that is, the dance instructor, who told them to come out and do their damn job once and for all.

but you don't care about my ills at all;
for – since I cannot extricate myself –
how I am is all the same to you:
good or bad, it doesn't matter.

R.I.P. Jabronisaur

Offline elgie

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Re: Amics, en gran cossirer
« Reply #3 on: May 26, 2008, 09:42:02 PM »
- Are you really OK with this? - she asked while she dialed the number in her cell - I don't want to be a hassle and...
- Hey, there's no problem. I've got some errands to do anyway, so it won't matter.
- Thank you so much... hello? Mr. Hirogawa? It's me, Korenaga... Yes... I know I should be heading to class, but there's been an emergency and I have to cover a... yes, the books, I know... Would you mind if I send a friend to go grab them? No? Thanks and I'm so sorry, no really, I was looking forward this class... yes, see you next week.
- So, where do I head to?
- Mr. Hirogawa's office, in the 2nd floor of the European Literature department. He'll be there by 6, once the class ends.
- All right, I've got plenty of time. 'Tomorrow!
- See ya'.. and thank you! I owe you one! - she waved goodbye as the other girl rushed through the door. Before she could wonder the reason of such a hurry, the answer appeared behind her.
- Hey, where's she going? We were supposed to meet later to go have some tea!
- One would think she's dodging you, Rika-chan - Shiba-chan nudged her friend playfully, but Ishikawa didn't notice her. Well, even though the girl was extremely annoying at times, she could relate to her despair. She approached her.
- It's not because of you, Ishikawa-san. Yoshizawa-san just offered herself to help me get some material for my assignment. She's just a good-hearted friend, that's all.

She wondered if her real intention was to give her some relief... or if, out of jealousy, she had willfully planted some harmful and vain hope in poor Ishikawa's heart.

Lady, it is because these slanderers,
who have taken away my sense and courage away,
are your implacable enemies
that I let it be, not out of fickleness;


The door of the office was full open, since the air conditioning was broken and the evening sticky hot. Yossi tapped the door and entered the small room after the young man in the desk muttered "Come in". He looked focused in the pile of papers spread all over the table and only glanced at the visitor when he heard a feminine voice saying: "Good night, I'm looking for Mr. Hirogawa. Hasn't he arrived yet?"
A little bit offended by that who might have thought he was a mere assistant - an occurrence which, due to his youth, happened once or twice every week - he was ready to spout his usual witty comment, but stopped dead the moment he raised his eyes from the papers he was browsing (a fine edition of Erec et Enide, one of his most beloved latest adquisitions). For one second he thought his mind was playing tricks, turning him into a modern Quixote; the literary world in which he had been inmersed for so many years had come to life in front of his eyes; there stood Carmesina, no not young enough, could it be Angellica, though not quite feminine, or maybe Bradamante, better enough, that fiery Marfisa... yes that is... The  light, blond hair, the big expressive eyes, the slender waist and, most of all, the fair, creamy, soft skin. He could recreate any depiction of the snow in the front and the rose in her cheeks that he had read in all those books. Oh well, the hair is probably dyed and she doesn't, certainly, wear a gown nor an armor, but...

- Maafiwhat? - the vision frowned her eyes and looked at him as if he were some kind of fool. Oh hell, he must have been thinking aloud again... - No excuse me, it's Hirogawa... I'm waiting for Mr. Hirogawa. Not Mafise or whoever that is.
He tried to recover the composure and introduce himself as best as he could, making sure he wouldn't make a fool of himself for a second time. The vision seemed shocked at first, but then started to burst in a frank and delicious laugh. Now that he heard the musical sound of her laughter, he was more sure than ever: he was in love. Completely.
- Hahah OK... I'm sorry, I've made fun enough of you... and haven't introduced myself yet. I'm Yoshizawa Hitomi, and I come on behalf of Korenaga. Now, where are those books?

for now I'm not by your side because, with their braying,
they have set up such deadly snags for you
that we don't enjoy a single happy day.

R.I.P. Jabronisaur

Offline elgie

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Re: Amics, en gran cossirer
« Reply #4 on: May 27, 2008, 12:02:17 PM »
ACT II - Gap nº 1

- ...And the very nature of the gap is the exaggeration, just like Sir Oliver tests his own limits in The Pilgrimage of Charlemagne... Hamada, please do read...
- "Do brag, Sir Oliver, says Roland the courteous/Sure, says the Count, as long as Charles permits/Shall the King take her daughter, whose hair is so blond,/and put us in her chamber in a discreet bed,/and I'll have her one hundred times that very night,/ otherwise shall I lose my head: that is my pledge"

She laughed heartily along with the rest of the class. The bright and cheerful atmosphere hadn't yet faded away when she saw a group of weird people entering the room and sneaking through the back rows of the class. They wore hats and sunglasses, and at least one of them had a leather jacket put on, despite the hot weather. They passed by her confused classmates and once they arrived next to her, waved cheerfully and sat in the few free seats just behind her. Then one of them took her glasses off and a naughty Fujimoto poked her cheek:
- 'Morning, Miki the second!

I'll make a verse about nothing
It isn't about me nor about anybody else;
It isn't about love nor about youth;
Though it was found as I slept
On a horse
*

The rest of the group took their disguises off. She sighed in despair: only the Miki, the Fujimoto, the Great one could have the insane idea of bringing the most of her team colleagues to one of her classes. Just to embarrass her, or maybe to enjoy the atonishment of the other students, who were starting to recognize the bunch of idols that had just entered the room.

*The first act was a Tenso, that is a debate, in this case of different points of view about love; now starts the Gap, or the show off, a humoristic game where people compete to see who sill say the wildest and most exaggerate boast. And yes I'm an unsufferable pedantic geek :P

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Offline zay05ohayou

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Re: Amics, en gran cossirer
« Reply #5 on: May 28, 2008, 02:51:05 AM »
Woah this sounds so poetic! Is this about Korekitty? and I'm guessing most of the characters are in Gatas Brilhantes?
It's pretty good. The dialogues though are somewhat confusing. I couldn't tell which one was which.
Baroque poetry huh? Interesting. I'm very curious now on where you're headed with the story.  :)

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Offline elgie

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Re: Amics, en gran cossirer
« Reply #6 on: May 28, 2008, 06:57:37 PM »
Quote
The dialogues though are somewhat confusing. I couldn't tell which one was which.
The problem when you soak in this kind of literature just to get the right feeling, is that you end using the same codes, as "I'm saying you know who but can't say who and can't say you know either" :P

'Neeeway, next chap!!! :D


- I understand you're very attached to your mates, Ms. Korenaga, but isn't this a bit too much?

I don't know what time I was born,
I'm not cheerful nor sad,
I'm not  a stranger nor well known,
Nor I can help it


- I'm sorry... I wasn't aware of their plan, Mr. Hirogawa. Trust me... and, of course, I didn't invite them... on the contrary, I've tried to keep them as far of the campus as it's possible, but.. you just can't fight Fujimoto. She does what she feels like to.
- Well, it's not that big a deal. Actually it's refreshing, to have those young ladies here, although they might be a distraction for the rest of the students... but it's not their fault
- Young Ladies?- whispered Mai, who was sitting with the rest on the floor of the corridor - What century did this lad come from?
- Oh, I find it cute! - replied Yossi - And you get used to it once you listen to him for a couple minutes.
- By the way Yoshiko, what the hell took you so long the other day? You were supposed to grab a couple books and spent almost two hours here! Were you having some, uhm, private lesson or what? - Mai tickled Yossi's side playfully, pulling some nervous giggles off the latter.
- Hey! Stop! It's not what you think, idiot. I spent half the time unburying the poor man from a pile of old books...
- What? How?
- He fell off the ladder while he was browsing the shelf and swept all the tomes along with him.
- Oooh poor guy! - laughed Shibata - he seems a bit clumsy, huh?
- I bet Yoshiko finds that cute too - joked Mai.
- What're you talking about? - an obviously angry Korenaga stood in the entrance of the classroom, glaring at her mates. They all  got up and, to a signal from their leader, bowed in front of her friend.
- We're sorry for bringing so much trouble - they apologized in unison.
- It's all forgotten on my part - as long as it doesn't appear on my records, she thought - Now, who're you saying is cute? - Mai opened her mouth, only to receive a severe kick in her shin.
- Nothing - answered Yossi - we just saw a, er, cute kitten through the window some minutes ago and- she was interrupted by a sudden racket coming from the classroom. The girls looked inside and saw the teacher recovering from a weird paralysis, where he had dropped all the books and material he was carrying.
- A bit clumsy, indeed - mumbled Shibata as they entered the room and helped the young man to tidy up the mess. Yossi gathered all the stuff and put it on the hands of Hirogawa, though she had to help him not to lose his balance again. The touch almost made the poor man drop his things again, so he had to tighten the grip, keeping part of Yossi's hand within a couple tomes of the Tirant lo Blanc. Hirogawa freezed in terror, he tried to loosen the grip so that she could free her hand, but he was petrified and his body didn't respond. Oh my, he thought, you're doing it all wrong again...

Since I've been bewitched tonight
on a high hill
.

- Hirogawa!- The voice of the Dean resounded in the hall, breaking the enchantment in the weird atmosphere. - Is that Korenaga with you?
- Uh, yes sir? - Korenaga answered in a scared voice. Only then she did notice that she hadn't seen Fujimoto in all that time. Oh shit, she thought.

The Dean appeared in front of the classroom's door, his trousers soaked in what seemed green paint, and one half of his jacket missing. Also, he was reeking of some nauseating substance.

- You should head to the Head Department's office... NOW!
Korenaga looked at her teacher with a sad expression in her face and held out her hand.
- It's been a pleasure, sir. Perhaps I'll see you again in class... in ten years or so.- And she exited the room dragging her feet.
« Last Edit: May 28, 2008, 07:01:04 PM by elgie »

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Offline zay05ohayou

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Re: Amics, en gran cossirer
« Reply #7 on: May 29, 2008, 07:03:24 AM »
Lol is Mikitty in trouble or something? Hmm... am I wrong or does Korekitty like Mikitty?

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Offline elgie

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Re: Amics, en gran cossirer
« Reply #8 on: August 06, 2008, 10:18:19 PM »
Shibata had a feeling of guilt as she watched Korenaga drag her feet behind the furious steps of the Dean. They walked through the corridors of the department and crossed a small yard that led to another building. The sign in the door read "Biology department" which, assuming Fujimoto was nearby, made the whole party utterly distressed.

I don't know whether I'm asleep
or awake, unless someone tells me so,
My heart's almost broken
of a sharp pain,
And I don't give a damn
by Saint Marcel!


Their worst fears came true as they approached another corridor. One of the laboratory doors was fully open and stained with disgusting drops of some undefined substance. They peeked through the lab - the whole room was a mess of liquids and lab assistants shouting at each other:

- How in they hell should I tell you? Don't leave the damn spinning machine open*!
- Hey I close it each day! It was already open and working when I came today!
- Idiot!

But the worst was yet to come. Once they reached the end of the corridor, they found themselves in a bigger laboratory, which was covered in smoke - someone had thrown a bunch of papers to an alcohol burner, conveniently put in a sink so that the fire didn't spread - and there was the mighty Fujimoto, laughing, holding something that ressembled a laser pointer, only it was bigger. The smoke had created a thick fog in which the laser projected its straight beam.

- Hey look!- She laughed, wielding the laser- I'm Luke Skywalker!**

I'm sick and I think I'll die
though I don't know more than what I hear
I want a doctor next to me
And I don't know which one,
good doctor is it, if he can cure me;
he isn't if I get worse.


*: No, really. I saw a sign like that posted on a spinning machine once. So much to wonder about the scientists' proverbial clumsiness :P

**: This one's real, too. Only the "fog" was created by a dozen of Physics students smoking lke crazies :lol: 
« Last Edit: August 06, 2008, 10:30:30 PM by elgie »

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Offline elgie

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Re: Amics, en gran cossirer
« Reply #9 on: August 08, 2008, 12:31:09 AM »
Act II - Tenso nº 2
Korenaga sat in her usual spot at the sofa, reading a book. Shibata aproached her carefully.

- Did they accept our explanation?
- Yeah, they finally believed I wasn't responsible for you... behavior. - Korenaga bit her lip. She was mad at them, of course, but she didn't want to hurt her. All that silly joke had ended with no serious consequences for her, fortunately, although Fujimoto was still really mad for having been banned from the campus.
Shibata went silent and motioned to leave the room when Korenaga took her by the arm.

- I don't want you to feel bad about this... I mean...

But I fear your anger so much
That I'm completely chastened,
For you I feel sorrow and torture
and my body's hurt


- ...I was angry at first, but since nothing happened it's of no use. And I can't afford to lose a friend. - A friend, indeed... Despite all the nights thinking about the correct choice of words, the countless hours in front of the mirror trying to display her best expression, the reams of paper wasted in discarded letters, she felt unworthy enough not to dare a love confession. She even felt unworthy of Shibata's friendship, but, as they say, one doesn't look a gift horse in the mouth.
- Come on, Koretty... you're not going to lose me. - I would, if you ever knew, thought Korenaga - Look, why don't you come with Rika-chan and me to go have some drinks? It's my treat, OK?

It wasn't exactly OK. The offer sounded attractive enough, but that despairing feel of jealousy started to grow again at the thought of having to share her "date". Oh, well. The gift horse and all that crap, yes that's a good idea, we'll meet at 6.

At  night, while I lay in my bed,
I wake up so many times,
And since I never take advantage,
I failed my attempt.




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Offline zay05ohayou

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Re: Amics, en gran cossirer
« Reply #10 on: August 09, 2008, 10:48:06 AM »
Miki is very much a trouble maker. Hah, Luke Skywalker.  XD The 'fog' thing sounds cool. I wonder if i could try that in my Chemistry class. Though I'm pretty sure I'd get suspended if i tried.

I'm sensing the characters have some deep feelings for each other but its not reciprocated back... Hmm.. I thought Korekitty fancied Miki but maybe i'm wrong? Is it Ayumi she likes? and Ayumi likes Rika?

For some reason I imagine a musical whenever I read this. Takarazuka is getting into my head.  :sweatdrop: Oh, btw, I'm having trouble learning who's dialogue is who's and if they are dialogues. No complaints about the story. It seems like the type of genre I like.  :)

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Offline elgie

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Re: Amics, en gran cossirer
« Reply #11 on: August 09, 2008, 09:36:18 PM »
Yeah, sorry for the dialogues, that's the part I suck at the most. :) Actually I try to skip them as much as possible because I always fail to make them look (or sound?) as they should...

Well, the only thing for sure now is that Korechan likes Ayumi. Although, being the cour d'amours the lead theme, we can't be sure whether it's real love or just a platonic infatuation...

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Offline zay05ohayou

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Re: Amics, en gran cossirer
« Reply #12 on: August 10, 2008, 08:37:23 AM »
How about you place a "Korenaga POV or Ayumi POV" to lose the confusion a bit? or color the dialogues corresponding to the person talking. It's just a suggestion, I don't want you to change it out of your comfort area. I'm guessing you like writing it from just one perspective and like what one person is thinking. BTW, your translations are pretty good. It easy to understand. 'Cour D'Amours' = Court of Love?? That's a poem right? Are you able to tell me where I can have a look at it?

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Offline elgie

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Re: Amics, en gran cossirer
« Reply #13 on: August 10, 2008, 09:35:49 AM »
"Cour d'amours" is, actually, a part of the Carmina Burana.

As for giving a different format to the dialogues... well I'm very classical in the sense that I write as if you were going to read the text in a book,so I'm not too prone to fantasies :P Except for when I'm trying an experimental format, I stick to the classical dialogue scheme.
« Last Edit: August 10, 2008, 09:39:13 AM by elgie »

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Offline JFC

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Re: Amics, en gran cossirer
« Reply #14 on: August 12, 2008, 01:25:27 AM »
Only thing that confused me was how in the second post of this thread we have Kore-chan talking with Shiba-chan, then all of a sudden in the third post she's apparently talking to Yossi all of a sudden. There was no break or indication between those two posts to indicate a change in scenery or setting, so it looked (at least to me) that both posts were part of the same scene. For now I'm assuming that it was indeed a change in scene and that we're just to assume that at some point in between them that we're not aware of, Kore-chan parts company with Shiba-chan and later on meets up with Yossi.

Anyway...let's see here.

Kore-chan - :heart: -> Shiba-chan
Shiba-chan - :heart: -> Rika
Rika - :heart: -> Yossi
Prof. Hirogawa - :heart: -> Yossi
Yossi - maybe :heart: -> Rika?

Right? :D
« Last Edit: August 12, 2008, 01:30:23 AM by JFC »

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