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Author Topic: Reading Hermann Hesse - Center x Nezumi (Chapter 3)  (Read 559 times)

Offline tigers parade

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Reading Hermann Hesse - Center x Nezumi (Chapter 3)
« on: December 05, 2015, 11:18:29 PM »
Nezumi POV

A couple months ago:

"Nezumi, try smiling."

"What?" We were standing on the rooftop, looking out at the city skyline like we always did.

"You know, show some emotion." Center was grinning cheekily at me. Ignoring her request, I huffed and turned away.

"Come on, lighten up. Nezumi, we're yankees you know. We could die at anytime. You gotta live life while you can."

"My life is fine, thank you."

"Live, love, and laugh," Center prodded. "That's all I'm asking."

I let out a short laugh.

"I'm living and laughing right now," I said matter-of-factly.

"What about love?"

Her question caught me off guard. What about love? I had no idea.

"I...don't know how to love," I answered curtly.

Center was grinning again. Shit, I had gotten myself into trouble.

"Nezumi, I'm gonna change that."

Present:

I closed the book. On the cover, "Narcissus and Goldmund" was printed in fancy letters. I traced the words with my finger, slowly and delicately. Narcissus and Goldmund. I wanted an "and" after my name. Someone to complete me and be by my side. But I didn't have anyone like that.

The door creaked open, and to my surprise, I saw Center standing in the doorway.

"Nezumi? What are you doing here so late?" She frowned. "It's dangerous at night."

"I don't need your worry, Center. I can take care of myself." I answered coldly.

A look of hurt flashed across her face, and she tried changing the subject.

"What are you reading there?"

I held up the book so she could see the title.

"Ah." She nodded. "That's a good one."

She made her way across the room to me, plopping down on my right. We sat in silence for a couple minutes before she turned towards me and spoke.

"You know," she said softly. "Hermann Hesse once said, 'Everything becomes a little different as soon as it is spoken out loud.'"

She gazed at me expectantly. I stared back, not knowing what she wanted. Sighing, she continued:

"You know, lately, I've been feeling a bit different. I want to change things, but I haven't had the slightest idea on how to do that. So, like Hesse said, I'm gonna try saying it out loud."

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. I knew what was coming. She had gotten tired of me.

"Nezumi, I..."

"Wait."

"...What?"

"Before you say anything, I just want you to know that I saw it. The quote about learning what love is, I mean, and the note you wrote beside it."

Center's eyes widened in surprise and I looked down, feeling guilty. The quote had nothing to do with the conversation. I was just desperate for anything to stop what was coming next.

"Center, tell me...later, okay?"

She nodded slowly, then stood up. When she reached the door, she paused, sending a glance over her shoulder at me. Then she stepped out of the room.

I sat there for another ten minutes in silence, contemplating what had just happened.

Well, I guess I had better head home. Center was right about it being dangerous at night.

As I rose, I took a moment to brush off my skirt. All of a sudden, tears came tumbling out of my eyes, splashing upon my shoes. I slumped against the wall, trying to contain my crying. It didn't work. I crumpled into a ball, letting out all my anguish. I loved Center. I loved the way she smiled at me and looked me in the eyes. The way she hugged me tightly after every fight. She was my best friend and my crush.

I had never loved anyone before. Maybe I would have been able to love if I had had a normal childhood. My father and his dirty money, my mom and her ignorance; I grew up alone. I learned to mask my feelings, developing a "cyborg-like" face. I rarely showed emotion. As the years passed, I began believing had that I had no emotions either. My inability to care for anyone fooled me into thinking I would always be alone.

And then Center came along. She stuck with me through thick and thin, even after I had betrayed her multiple times. God, she had almost died because of me. And yet, she was always there. Her loyalty had touched me somehow, and I began to feel again. And gradually, before I knew it, I had fallen in love.

Tired of crying my eyes out, I buried my face in my lap. That girl was something; I really had learned how to love. A thought popped into my head: maybe Center had underlined the love quote for a reason. She was trying to teach me what love was.

Bitterly, I mumbled, "Center, you did it. 'If I know what love is, it is because of you.'"
« Last Edit: May 04, 2016, 07:56:43 AM by tigers parade »

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