Why? (Friday's Children are Certainly Full of Woe)

[JFC]

I stare at the old, dog-eared photograph in my hand.  I haven't looked at it in a long time.  Years, I believe.  It's the same as I remember it.  Maybe a little gloomier.
No, that's probably just my mood at the moment.

It's been about ten years, I think, addressing the subject of the picture in my mind.  Ten years since we last spoke to each other.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh, another "future" story.

I sigh and put the photo back in the folder I keep it stored in, burying it in the back of the drawer with the small pile of things to which I've attached the invisible and fitting label of "memories".

Given the tone of it so far, I'm guessing that this is Miki's POV.

I saw her just now.  Not twenty minutes ago.  At the post office near my new apartment complex.  After ten years.  She has no way of knowing I live in this neighbourhood now, so her visit must have been unplanned.  It couldn't have possibly been an attempt to make herself seen by me.  To rub in my face what we've lost.  No.  What I've lost.

Okay, it most DEFINITELY has to be Miki's POV.  She's had no contact whatsoever with Aya, to the point where she didn't even know that Aya lives in the neighbourhood she's just moved into?  One could call it some type of karma, then again one could also say that fate it just playing a sick joke.  Question is, is Miki going to do something about it? Is she going to find a way to let Aya know that she's living there now? They're bound to run into each other at some point.  Or would Miki just hide from Aya for the rest of her life?  She still knows that it was her fault that they haven't spoken for so long, would Aya even be willing to try to bridge that gap? Would she even recognize or acknowledge Miki?

I wonder what she does these days.  She quit the business a few years after we stopped talking.  The reason she gave to the public and her fans was that she wanted to concentrate on her life and starting a family.  Now whenever her name comes up in the news, it's a sighting of her with a man or with a child, and there is no lack of fervent speculation as to what it all means.  She's done an excellent job avoiding the press and prying eyes.  Nobody really knows what her situation is.  Is she married?  Does she have a child?  What does she do for a living?

You can't help but wonder (especially considering what Miki says about Aya being seen with a guy or with a kid), if she's gotten over Miki? If Aya DID get married and start a family, was it what she really wanted at the time, or was it something she did to get out of the spotlight. Her happiest times were (presumably) when she was on stage performing (espcially with Miki).  Could it be that after Miki's screw-up, performing just became too painful for Aya?

I got kicked out of Hellopro for having a boyfriend for ten months while I'd had Aya for two years, but not before some super-tense meetings. 

...

I drifted around after that trying to find work.  I found some here and there.  It seems like I still had marketable potential.  But the big companies I could have gone to didn't want me.  I wasn't fresh meat.  People knew my name, and I already had a reputation.  They preferred introducing new talent to an unsuspecting audience, not re-using other companies' leftovers.

As much as this sucks from a fanboys' perspective, it's the harsh truth of the entertainment industry.

So now I work for a magazine.  I'm not even sure what my official job description is, but it keeps me busy and amused.  Of all the people to work for, I work for Michishige Sayumi.  At first I refused to work for her, but when I couldn't find anything better, I figured I could just treat her the same as I always did and I could get away with it because we were old comrades who worked side-by-side on a battlefield long ago.

I was pretty much right.  Shige lets me trample all over her playfully, and she keeps telling me she's the cutest thing on Earth.  She certainly is cute, but I'm never going to admit to her that I agree with her.  She never uses her position as owner of the magazine to force me into submission.  She listens to my suggestions and lets me speak honestly with no holds barred.  I guess my job description could be aptly put as "Boss' Right Hand Man".  Not her secretary.  I have a lot of say in what goes into our weekly publication.  I attend meetings and meet high-profile people.  I make big decisions all on my own.  I only make tea for myself (and sometimes Shige if it's cold out and I feel sorry for her).  Not bad for a girl who only finished high school.

It's pretty obvious that the H!P members would have known the official reasons why Miki was booted out, but I can't help but wonder if they also knew about Miki and Aya, and what happened between the two of them?

And way to go Sayu for becoming a Magazine big-wig. I presume this is the same business she had when you wrote her up and had Miki call her in "Private Funeral"?

I sigh.  The front door opens and I wince.  I should have gotten something for lunch.

"I'm home," says a voice.

I smile.  This is probably my favourite thing.  Those rare days meet up at home for lunch on a week day.  It happens maybe once every year if we're lucky.  I lean back and wait.  I hear soft footsteps come towards me and I look up.

"Welcome back," I say, opening my arms for a hug.

Ah, so she and Shouji are still together, huh? They married?

"You're uncharacteristically affectionate today, Micchan."

I laugh.

"I missed you."

WTF...Micchan? But that would mean that's...Hiroshi?

What would my life be if he hadn't come to Tokyo?  He's an old friend from school.  One of the ones I left when I moved down here.  Everyone always thought we'd end up together.  I delighted in proving them wrong for a few years, but it turns out they were right.

Sunovabitch it IS Hiroshi!

He happened to come to school and then find work here, and somehow we picked up our friendship where it was left off when we were teenagers.  Our friendship had always carried that potential to someday become something more.  We were given the chance.

But why?  Why did we have that chance?  Because I messed up what I was really supposed to have.  But I've resigned myself to settling for second best.

Ouch. Painful, yet somewhat understandable. Miki's saying that while she's very happy being with Hiroshi, she's never been happier than when she was with Aya.

I wonder what the near future will hold for me.  Somehow I believe that seeing Aya at the post office can't have been a coincidence.  It must be a sign.  One of those signs that I don't believe in, but a sign nonetheless.  A prelude to a dramatic three-act play that will unfold in my life and rock the steady boat that I sit relatively comfortably on.  I make a mental note to have my proverbial umbrella ready for the downpour.

I say if you feel up to it dude, go for it.

[Novaforever]

Huzzah an OTN1 update!  My day has been officially made!

I apparently missed when you updated this in the past.  Turns out I had never read parts 3 or 4 either, so I got a lot out of this.  I must say that I loved part 4 because I've always liked your character of Ochiai.  Plus there was a return of Hiroshi, too.  I think one of the coolest things about your writings is how they all intertwine with each other.  All of them connect somehow (even if it does involve different realities or alternate endings). 

This part was chock full of the lovely GAM angst that I have grown to expect from you.  I've got to applaud, 'cause no one writes angst quite like you, OTN1.  I love it and hate it so much! 

[OTN1]

I'm half ecstatic that I've finally managed to pick up my pen again, half frustrated that I ended up writing more of this and not the other story that I'm trying to get through.

And way to go Sayu for becoming a Magazine big-wig. I presume this is the same business she had when you wrote her up and had Miki call her in "Private Funeral"?

Yes, it is.

I think one of the coolest things about your writings is how they all intertwine with each other.  All of them connect somehow (even if it does involve different realities or alternate endings).

Haha, thanks.  I like to keep things consistent (even in stories with alternate endings) and make references throughout this series of stories just because it's fun for me to work them in.  I also get a kick out of it when someone picks up on a really minute reference that I think nobody will notice!  Kind of a huge ego booster for me, or something.  So be careful.  Hahaha.

[OTN1]

Prelude 2

I saw Miki at the post office today.  She thinks I didn't see her.  She looked all proud when she dodged her way out of my line of sight, hiding behind the tall man that stood in front of her.

But I saw her.  It was definitely her.

She hasn't changed much.  She looks older, of course, but still the same.  She's aged well, and I'm surprised.  One would think that she would have let herself go downhill.  I guess it's just another one of those surprising aspects that you learn about someone you think you know really well.  And with her, I've got some experience finding out that kind of thing.

I thought that without me, she might have given up caring.  That maybe her last few words to me were true and that I did matter.  That whatever I said mattered.

But evidently I didn't (and still don't) matter quite enough.  She looks like she's doing very well for herself, and part of me is angry because I want her to look rundown because I haven't been there to take care of her.  I want her to feel even more regret about what she's done.

I sigh.  I haven't thought like this in years.  Once I stopped talking to her, I quit thinking about that whole period of my life.  I banished all thoughts of Miki's actions from my mind.  I actually came to accept her in a way.  Not quite forgiveness, but I realised that thinking about it and being angry all the time wouldn't get me anywhere.  I let go of it all.

I tolerated my job for two years after that.  Thank god she got kicked out right away.  If she hadn't been, I would have quit.  Perhaps I should have quit anyway.  Just seeing all those other people made me think of her.  But I stuck through it and worked hard.  I saved up an incredible amount of money.  When I finally went to my manager and showed her the letter of resignation that I was going to hand over to the agency, I had nothing to hold me back.  No insecurities.  I knew exactly what I wanted.

Once I was out of that bad atmosphere, things looked up.  I moved to a suburb of the city where an apartment just as nice as mine was a fraction cheaper, and I invested my money.  I didn't know how to on my own, so I asked a banker friend of mine to help me, and he did so happily and expertly.

I didn't work for a few years.  I didn't have to.  I spent my time relaxing, taking a well-earned break.  I mostly stayed around my neighbourhood and took up some activities in and around home, but I got out and travelled a bit around the country and a few times overseas.  It was during my travels within Japan that I met someone that could distract me from my misery and my recently developed fear of getting close to people.

Kazuyoshi became my best friend, actually, and I told him everything about myself.

Everything.

In turn, he told me everything about himself.

He had a daughter named Yuki from a previous marriage.  She was one-and-a-half years old.  Her mother, Kazuyoshi told me, was actually a lovely woman, but they simply didn't click.  They'd always known that and they had jumped into marriage without any deep consideration.  His ex-wife had agreed to let Kazu take care of Yuki because she was planning to move to China to take up a job there.  Apparently she was always wild and not so good with commitments.  As a result of having sole custody of their daughter, Kazu often brought Yuki along when we got together.

When Yuki started addressing me as "mommy", we knew something had to be done.  Children are intuitive little creatures, though, and Yuki was always exceptionally brilliant.  She could sense something in the air when I was around her father, and so she clung onto the idea of me being her mother.  She knew I wasn't her real mother, but aside from being brilliant, she was forgiving, and didn't seem to have any qualms about welcoming me into her little family of two.  No feeling of being betrayed by her blood mother.  No feeling that I was trying to replace some other woman.

Kazu and I had a discussion.  We didn't have to say much.  It was pretty obvious what we felt.  A few months and a short ceremony later, I officially became Yuki's stepmother.  I swore just the day before that I would never be evil.  I would never treat Yuki like Cinderella.  I told her so much in a half-joking way, but she didn't understand the reference.  One day soon I'll sit her down and make her watch the Disney movie.  Hopefully we'll be able to laugh about it together.

So I became involved in another one of these unconventional relationships that I so much like to be in.  Married to a divorced man who has a daughter and is on amiable terms with his ex-wife.  I don't think my mother has quite forgiven me yet.  My sisters, however, have stopped thinking I'm stark raving mad.  My father straddles a tipsy wall.  On the one hand, he wants to support his wife's opinion.  On the other, he wants to support his daughter.  Thus, he is always dodging the bullet, avoiding questions and simply not becoming involved in anything that requires mention of Kazu.  He is an atypical father.  None of my friends' fathers are like him.  I'm lucky to have him, but sometimes I wish he'd take a firmer stand and tell me what he really thinks.  Whether he approves or not.  I want to know.

I disappeared from the entertainment world right after my retirement.  I refused to be associated with anything public anymore.  I received intermittent requests to do ceremonies or benefit concerts, but I always turned them down, often without reply.  Tsunku, the man who helped me start my career, gave me the occasional call just to check up.  Even though painful memories resurfaced whenever I spoke with him, I took his calls because he was genuine in his caring.  I trusted him to keep his mouth shut and not say a word to anyone about where I was and what I was doing.  I told him about Kazu and Yuki, and I told him I was happy.  He confided in me some of his secrets, and the first time he told me personal things about himself, I felt like I had finally grown up enough and was now invited to go and sit with the grownups at the grownup table.

Ceasing all entertainment industry activities didn't keep me out of newspapers and magazines.  That would go on (and still goes on), but they had nothing but empty speculation.  I was spotted with Kazu or Yuki (or both), and then whole pages were written about my secret pregnancy and the shotgun marriage.  I did my best to ignore it all.  My family and my friends knew the truth.

As for Miki... I didn't care what she thought.  It would be better if she believed those articles.  Then she wouldn't think I was heartbroken forever.  She'd see I had a life.  A post-Miki life.  That she didn't matter anymore.  Not one bit.

I expel another sigh.  Thinking of Miki makes me think about my entire life.  I have to push her out of my mind.  Otherwise I'll sit here all afternoon and reminisce, analyse, criticise, and blah blah blah.  She's not important.  Not important.

But sometimes Kazu tells me that she was important.  Maybe not anymore, but that once upon a time, before step-moms and step-sisters were a thing of reality in my life, she did matter.  I'm not sure that he's right.  Once upon a time I was misguided.  Blind.  Or blinded by something.  I thought something was important when it really wasn't.  I get angry at him for telling me what I thought.  I'm me.  I should know.  He becomes silent when I snap at him, and it makes me feel uncomfortable and guilty.  As if maybe I've just proven the point he was trying to make.

My phone rings.

I check and it's Kazu.  I hold the little ringing machine in my hand and watch it, knowing that after ten more seconds, the caller will be directed to my voicemail box.

After nine seconds, I pick up.

"Hi."

There comes a thoughtful pause from Kazu's end.

"What's bothering you?" he asks.

It's obviously not what he is calling to talk about.  Who calls someone out of the blue and asks "what's wrong?" when they have no idea something could possibly be wrong?  He must've picked up on my mood.  But from one short greeting?  That's pretty amazing.  Yuki definitely gets her smarts from him.

"Nothing," I lie automatically, and then I think better of it.  "Uh, I'll tell you later tonight."

And I will.  Hiding things from people is no good.  I've learned that.

"I hope you're okay," he says, and I can picture him winking at me as he says it.  "I was just calling to ask where you are."

"I'm sitting on the left side of the new couch," I reply in a serious tone.

He laughs, which is what I intended. 

"Is Yuki-chan still out with Aunt Yuu?"

Aunt Yuu is Kazu's aunt.  Yuki loves her more than she loves me and Kazu combined.  That's because Yuu spoils the girl rotten.

"Yeah, they were just breaking for lunch before going to the zoo last time I got mail from them."

"Okay, then.  Come and meet me for lunch!"

He sounds excited.  Maybe something good happened at work.  He works at a lumber company that imports from North America.  He's the head of his department and loves his job.  I've never met someone who loves and knows so much about lumber.  Japan is lucky to have such a dedicated man working for the sake of the people.

I tell him I'll get ready and go meet him.

"Meet me in front of that fountain across from my building, okay?  We're going for Korean," he says enthusiastically.

When he's bursting with excitement, he gets bossy like that.  It's funny because sometimes I check him.  I tell him to stop ordering me around, and he flushes with embarrassment and quickly retracts everything he has said.  This time I don't tease.  I tell him I'll be there as soon as I can.  We hang up, and I sit back on the couch before getting up.

I haven't brought Miki up in conversation in a long time.  A few years at least.  I feel apprehensive about doing it today.  I'm worried.  I don't want him to think that I'm obsessing over something.  Because I'm not.  I'm not obsessing over anything.  It was just a chance meeting. 

A chance meeting, but an odd one.  What are the chances of going to the post office and almost bumping into someone you haven't seen in ten years after you've just moved into a new apartment complex in the neighbourhood?  Maybe she works in the area and was taking some time off to pick up or deliver something.  Kazu happens to work within easy walking distance.  I'll have to be careful in the future.  If Miki does work around here, I don't want to make it a habit of bumping into her.  She might not matter anymore, but-

No.  That's it.  Full stop.  She does not matter anymore.  No more.  The only thing she's important for is as a reminder of the tough lesson that I've learned.

I stand up and go to the washroom, touching up my makeup and then making my way out to make sure I have everything I need in my purse.  I turn off all the lights and lock the door.

I get the strangest sense that I'm forgetting something.  Maybe an umbrella.  But the weather forecast has called for clear skies and zero percent chance of rain.  I shake my head and take the elevator down to the street.

I take out my phone and message Kazu.

I've just left the building.  Be there soon.

I look down the street in the direction of the post office.  I sigh for the umpteenth time.  I turn on my heels and walk in the opposite direction.

[Novaforever]

Yay!  OTN1 is writing again!  This just made my day.

I hope you keep working on this one.  This one is unlike all your other stories which start happy and end angsty.  If this one starts angsty then it should end happy right?  I mean there is no where to go but up!   *trying to look on the bright side for Miki and Aya's sake*

[JFC]

I also get a kick out of it when someone picks up on a really minute reference that I think nobody will notice!  Kind of a huge ego booster for me, or something.  So be careful.  Hahaha.

That almost sounds like a challenge.

I saw Miki at the post office today.  She thinks I didn't see her.  She looked all proud when she dodged her way out of my line of sight, hiding behind the tall man that stood in front of her.

But I saw her.  It was definitely her.

OSHIT, Aya saw Miki too! It's going to be really interesting to see and hear Aya's thoughts on this. Has she been thinking about Miki the way Miki has been thinking about her, or was she so hurt by "that incident" that she tried to completely push any memories or Miki out of her life?  It would be ridiculous to think or hope that Aya has forgiven Miki for what she did, but considering how deep their relationship was (even before they "got together", they were best friends for many years), could/would she have tried to forget her?

She hasn't changed much.  She looks older, of course, but still the same.  She's aged well, and I'm surprised.  One would think that she would have let herself go downhill.  I guess it's just another one of those surprising aspects that you learn about someone you think you know really well.  And with her, I've got some experience finding out that kind of thing.

I thought that without me, she might have given up caring.  That maybe her last few words to me were true and that I did matter.  That whatever I said mattered.

But evidently I didn't (and still don't) matter quite enough.  She looks like she's doing very well for herself, and part of me is angry because I want her to look rundown because I haven't been there to take care of her.  I want her to feel even more regret about what she's done.

One of the things that made Aya and Miki "work" was how well they completed each other. They needed each other and helped keep each other at their best. 

I guess for Aya, seeing Miki like this (in that she apparently is doing well for herself and hasn't let herself go downhill) sort of gives her the impression that maybe Miki didn't really need her as much as she professed. Part of what makes relationships work is that feeling of being needed, the feeling that you're important enough that your partner can't do without you.  Here Aya can't help but think that "maybe she didn't need me that much after all (if she ever really did)". 

I sigh.  I haven't thought like this in years.  Once I stopped talking to her, I quit thinking about that whole period of my life.  I actually came to accept her in a way.  Not quite forgiveness, but I realised that thinking about it and being angry all the time wouldn't get me anywhere.  I let go of it all.

Well, in a way it's good that she's been able to do this. To continue dwelling on it and being troubled/angered by it just wouldn't be healthy. It would have started to affect how she dealt with co-workers and people in general if she continued to let it bother her like that.  Again, that's not to say that she should have forgiven Miki, but there's no reason for her to bring those issues and feelings when she was with other people who had absolutely nothing to do with it.

I tolerated my job for two years after that.  Thank god she got kicked out right away.  If she hadn't been, I would have quit.  Perhaps I should have quit anyway.  Just seeing all those other people made me think of her.  But I stuck through it and worked hard.  I saved up an incredible amount of money.  When I finally went to my manager and showed her the letter of resignation that I was going to hand over to the agency, I had nothing to hold me back.  No insecurities.  I knew exactly what I wanted.

Remaining in H!P must have, undoubtedly been very painful for Aya. Even with Miki gone, there's just too much history between the two of them there.  As for "knowing what she wanted", at the time...what exactly was that? To just get away from H!P? From all the memories of Miki? From everthing?

It was during my travels within Japan that I met someone that could distract me from my misery and my recently developed fear of getting close to people.

Kazuyoshi became my best friend, actually, and I told him everything about myself.

Everything.

In turn, he told me everything about himself.

Well, regardless of who it was, Aya NEEDED to talk to someone about "what happened". She probably couldn't talk to anyone else in H!P about it, as everyone there was just too close to the situation (and/or to Aya and/or Miki) to truly be objective about it all. Aya needed to talk to someone who had absolutely no knowledge of it, she needed to tell someone who wouldn't/couldn't make any judgements based on how well they knew the situation or either of them.  The fact that he was so open with Aya (much in the same way that Miki was) must have given her a sense of security, since he wasn't holding anything back, and was being completely honest with her.

Reading this part, I can't help but wonder if Miki has been as forward with Hiroshi about her history with Aya as Aya has been with Kazuyoshi? Miki's obviously the type of person who can open up to people if she really feels close to them, but would she have told Hiroshi about this, about what happened and how she lost Aya? It's obviously a part of her life that she's ashamed of, but assuming that he didn't already know, would she have kept it from him?  Has Miki been able to talk to someone about it the way that Aya was able to with Kazuyoshi?

He had a daughter named Yuki from a previous marriage.  She was one-and-a-half years old.  Her mother, Kazuyoshi told me, was actually a lovely woman, but they simply didn't click. 

...

When Yuki started addressing me as "mommy", we knew something had to be done. 

...

Kazu and I had a discussion.  We didn't have to say much.  It was pretty obvious what we felt.  A few months and a short ceremony later, I officially became Yuki's stepmother. 

...

So I became involved in another one of these unconventional relationships that I so much like to be in.  Married to a divorced man who has a daughter and is on amiable terms with his ex-wife.

While it looks like Aya's managed to find some happiness here, you can't help but wonder, is she truly happy, or is she like Miki and settling for "second-best"?  How much of a factor was Yuki's attachment to her when Aya agreed/decided to marry Kazuyoshi, and how much of it was truly because it was what she really wanted?  Miki had made it clear that for her, even though she's happy with Hiroshi, nothing would/could ever top being with Aya.  So then, how does Aya really feel about Kazuyoshi?

Tsunku, the man who helped me start my career, gave me the occasional call just to check up.  Even though painful memories resurfaced whenever I spoke with him, I took his calls because he was genuine in his caring.  I trusted him to keep his mouth shut and not say a word to anyone about where I was and what I was doing.  I told him about Kazu and Yuki, and I told him I was happy.  He confided in me some of his secrets, and the first time he told me personal things about himself, I felt like I had finally grown up enough and was now invited to go and sit with the grownups at the grownup table.

Given what he did and what he said to Miki when he fired her, and what she said from her POV, it indeed would appear that he favoured Aya more and would be more likely to side with her.  Does Aya know that though? It's pretty safe to assume that Tsunku hasn't been keeping in touch with and checking on Miki the way he's been doing with Aya.  Does she realize, know, or even care about what he did/said when he fired Miki?  If she didn't know, and she found out, would her opinion of him change? 

What if the roles had been reversed, and it was Aya who had cheated on Miki and had gotten FRIDAY'd? Would he have been as stern with her as he was with Miki? Or would have been more forgiving because she was one of, if not the darling of H!P?  More importantly, would Miki have reacted the way that Aya did?

As for Miki... I didn't care what she thought.  It would be better if she believed those articles.  Then she wouldn't think I was heartbroken forever.  She'd see I had a life.  A post-Miki life.  That she didn't matter anymore.  Not one bit.

I find that last part hard to believe. If Miki didn't matter to Aya anymore, then she wouldn't be so concerned about showing Miki that she had "moved on" so to speak.  The question here though is, why does she want Miki to see that she wasn't heartbroken? Was it because she wanted to show her that she could indeed move on, or was it because somewhere, deep down, she didn't want Miki to worry about her being lonely/heartbroken. There are 2 ways for her to say "See? I'm okay and I don't need you." One way is spiteful, and is said like slap in the face, the other way is like telling someone, "Look, I can do it on my own now" like when a child learns to ride a bicycle on two wheels for the first time without mom/dad having to hold them up.  It's pretty clear that Aya was trying to give Miki a message here, but in which way was she trying to give/tell her that message?

Thinking of Miki makes me think about my entire life.  I have to push her out of my mind.  Otherwise I'll sit here all afternoon and reminisce, analyse, criticise, and blah blah blah.  She's not important.  Not important.

But sometimes Kazu tells me that she was important.  Maybe not anymore, but that once upon a time, before step-moms and step-sisters were a thing of reality in my life, she did matter.  I'm not sure that he's right.  Once upon a time I was misguided.  Blind.  Or blinded by something.  I thought something was important when it really wasn't.  I get angry at him for telling me what I thought.  I'm me.  I should know.  He becomes silent when I snap at him, and it makes me feel uncomfortable and guilty.  As if maybe I've just proven the point he was trying to make.

Kazuyoshi's right, even if Aya wants to deny it, Miki was a very big part of her life for a long time. She, in part, helped Aya define who she is now (obviously both in good and bad ways).  She can't deny her past, she can't deny that for a long time, she was her other half, and vice versa. You can't just erase that.

"Okay, then.  Come and meet me for lunch!"

...

I tell him I'll get ready and go meet him.

"Meet me in front of that fountain across from my building, okay?  We're going for Korean," he says enthusiastically.

Oh shit...this is where it'll get interesting.

What are the chances of going to the post office and almost bumping into someone you haven't seen in ten years after you've just moved into a new apartment complex in the neighbourhood?

...

I'll have to be careful in the future.  If Miki does work around here, I don't want to make it a habit of bumping into her.

Damn, that means that they've both just recently moved into the neighbourhood. I wonder how close their respective apartment buildings are to each other? (Don't tell me that you're looking for so much angst that you actually had them move into the same or neighbouring building. O_O)

She might not matter anymore, but-

maybe she does.

I get the strangest sense that I'm forgetting something.  Maybe an umbrella.  But the weather forecast has called for clear skies and zero percent chance of rain.  I shake my head and take the elevator down to the street.

Dude, what is it with you and umbrellas?   Come to think of it, a LOT of fics her have recently been obsessed with umbrellas.

I take out my phone and message Kazu.

I've just left the building.  Be there soon.

I look down the street in the direction of the post office.  I sigh for the umpteenth time.  I turn on my heels and walk in the opposite direction.

Hot damn, here we go. o_o

[OTN1]

Haha, I like your logic, Novaforever.  Unfortunately, I'm not a very logical person, so nobody can say how this one will end.  Well, except me.  But it's all a big secret.

JFC, seeing as you how to analyse deeply, I'm wondering what you're going to have to say about future chapters and the ending.  Just a few more to go before I'm finished this story (it's not too long).  I'm almost finished writing it, but there's a big connecting chunk that has yet to be penned.  I've also gotten back into Restart and wrote a chapter today.  I have plenty of ideas again.  I want to finish off this one first, and then finish Restart.  And then... that's it!

[OTN1]

Act I

My vision is blurred by the tears pouring out of my eyes.  Hiroshi says something to me, but I can't pay attention to him.  Whatever he's saying is unimportant in the face of my greatest challenge since I was born.  I look in the direction of the door where two customers have just entered.

"Miki!" Hiroshi's voice finally gets through to me, and I sniff, looking back at him.

I'm still blind.

"Are you okay?"

I grab a tissue from my purse and wipe my eyes and nose, followed by gulping all of my water down.  A waiter who is sensitive to my distress is standing nearby, and he quickly fills my glass up again.

"Ahhh," I gasp, finally able to make a sound, my breath laboured.  "That was spicy."

I shudder as I think of the size of the chilli pepper I just ate.  It was just sitting there in my food looking all mild and delicious.  How was I supposed to know that this restaurant used the real thing and not the dumbed down version for wimps (of which I can swallow down ten at a time)?  I hadn't been mentally prepared.  I like my food spicy, but I have to know.  I need that vital information.

"Why'd you eat it?"

Does he have to ask me such a stupid question?  It's food and was on my plate.  Do I have to explain it to him?

I reply by scowling, and he pouts angrily at my reaction.  We sit there glaring each other while I take frequent sips of water to sooth my burning mouth.  The waiter hovers nearby, frightened by the looks on our faces but obligated to refill my water glass.

"Oh, come on," he finally huffs out in a frustrated voice.  "Don't glare at me like that."

I can't help but smirk.  He's always the first to break.  I let the smirk turn into a pleasant smile, and I stop looking at him as if I want to kill him.

"Then don't ask me stupid questions," I sniff jokingly.  "Are you done yet?"

I eye his plate which has one last bean sprout left on it.  He looks down at it and then catches my eye.

"That's a statement," he says, indicating the solitary bean sprout.  "I won't eat it.  It stays behind."

I roll my eyes at his wannabe artiste-ness, and he stands up and goes off to pay the bill.  I hurry close after, wishing I had a bottle of water to take with me.  My tongue hurts.  I stand beside Hiroshi as he pays and I look through my bag for anything to soothe my mouth.  A piece of gum, a candy, a chocolate... anything.

I get a prickly sense at the back of my neck.  It's like my Spidey senses are acting up, except that I don't have Spidey senses.  I look around the restaurant and see a few couples and a family.  It's on the later side of lunch time, but it looks like none of them have ordered anything yet.

I brush off the feeling, hook my arm around Hiroshi's, and pull him out of the restaurant as he fumbles to put his change away.  I take a look back and see movement out of the corner of my eye, but all I see are people ordering lunch.  No assassin coming to shoot me.

I pull Hiroshi over to a nearby ice cream shop, and finally my mouth is soothed and starts to return to its normal state.  We stand on the street in front of the shop and eat our cones.  I look at all the people walking by us, keeping a careful eye out for anyone I know.

"What's got you all riled up today?"

He sounds a bit rude asking, and if I didn't know him any better, I'd shove him away and stalk off.  I know, however, that it's his weird way of displaying curiosity. 

"I'm not riled up.  I'm just recovering from that pepper."

Hiroshi bites down into his ice cream with top and bottom teeth.  I suppress a wince.  It looks painfully cold to do that.  He doesn't notice my discomfort at his way of eating ice cream, and he continues obliviously, staring at me and waiting for an answer.

"Did something happen to you this morning?"

I shake my head.

"I went shopping.  That's all."

I don't even want to mention the post office.  If I do, I might start to say too much.

"You're no fun."

He scrunches his nose up at me and then takes off walking, his legs capable of long strides.

"Wh- hey!" I yell angrily, running to catch up with him.

"If you're going to be like that then I may as well get back to work."

He sounds a bit angry with me.

"I went to the post office and saw someone I used to know a long time ago, okay?  I'm just a little worked up because of that."

He stops walking at his fast pace and slows down to a slow shuffle, allowing me to keep up with him perfectly well.

"Old friend?"

"Something like that.  We parted on bad terms," I mumble.

He takes a deep breath and thinks it through.

"Since when does Micchan get all gloomy about people that are obviously not worth having as friends?"

I would have laughed if he'd been right, which he would have been in any other situation.  In this case, however, I'm the one who is not worthy to be had as a friend.  I'm the one who did something very, very wrong.

"Since it's Micchan's fault," I reply.

"The reason why you fought?"

I nod.

He thinks again.  It looks like he's going to pull up the best thing he can from his mind and pass on his wisdom to me.

He slaps me on the shoulder like I'm one of the guys.

"The past is the past, eh?" he laughs.  "You lived it, you learned from it.  Now you get over it!"

He gives me a cheerful grin, to which I reply with a nervous smile that must look more like a grimace.  He then takes off with his long strides again.

"Walk me to work, will you?" he asks me.

I stay silent, but jog to catch up with him, shocked by his reply to my worry.  He really has no idea the kind of terrible things I've done in the past.  The way I've lied.

He can never know.

I walk him all the way to work.  If he thought I was riled up before, I wonder what he thinks now.  He doesn't seem to notice that I've become one hundred times tenser, however.  I say goodbye to him at his office, and I then wander back down the street in the general direction of my house, hoping to make it back without incident.

[JFC]

JFC, seeing as you how to analyse deeply, I'm wondering what you're going to have to say about future chapters and the ending.

Just depends on if I have a lot to pull out of my ass.

I've also gotten back into Restart and wrote a chapter today.  I have plenty of ideas again.  I want to finish off this one first, and then finish Restart.

Awesome!

And then... that's it!

For the time being.

My vision is blurred by the tears pouring out of my eyes.  Hiroshi says something to me, but I can't pay attention to him.  Whatever he's saying is unimportant in the face of my greatest challenge since I was born.  I look in the direction of the door where two customers have just entered.

And heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere we go.

"Ahhh," I gasp, finally able to make a sound, my breath laboured.  "That was spicy."

I shudder as I think of the size of the chilli pepper I just ate.  It was just sitting there in my food looking all mild and delicious.  How was I supposed to know that this restaurant used the real thing and not the dumbed down version for wimps (of which I can swallow down ten at a time)?  I hadn't been mentally prepared.  I like my food spicy, but I have to know.  I need that vital information.

Eh? 

"Are you done yet?"

I eye his plate which has one last bean sprout left on it.  He looks down at it and then catches my eye.

"That's a statement," he says, indicating the solitary bean sprout.  "I won't eat it.  It stays behind."

I roll my eyes at his wannabe artiste-ness, and he stands up and goes off to pay the bill.

Huh? So...have Aya and Kazuyoshi even arrived there yet?

I get a prickly sense at the back of my neck.  It's like my Spidey senses are acting up, except that I don't have Spidey senses.  I look around the restaurant and see a few couples and a family.  It's on the later side of lunch time, but it looks like none of them have ordered anything yet.

I brush off the feeling, hook my arm around Hiroshi's, and pull him out of the restaurant as he fumbles to put his change away.  I take a look back and see movement out of the corner of my eye, but all I see are people ordering lunch.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm...maybe Aya and Kazuyoshi DID arrive, but were seated in a different section of the restaurant where they wouldn't see Miki and Hiroshi. And even though Miki did look towards the entrance, they might have arrived when she was tearing up from the chili and was "blinded" by her own waterworks. Talk about freakish coincidences.

If that's what happened, dude that's just an insanely cruel tease on your part. 

"Did something happen to you this morning?"

...

"I went to the post office and saw someone I used to know a long time ago, okay?  I'm just a little worked up because of that."

He stops walking at his fast pace and slows down to a slow shuffle, allowing me to keep up with him perfectly well.

"Old friend?"

"Something like that.  We parted on bad terms," I mumble.

Ah, so this means she HASN'T told Hiroshi about Aya. Will she continue to keep this to herself? He might end up finding everything out anyway.

"Since when does Micchan get all gloomy about people that are obviously not worth having as friends?"

...

"Since it's Micchan's fault," I reply.

"The reason why you fought?"

I nod.

Damn, poor Hiroshi really has no clue about what happened.  Miki must have been too ashamed of it to tell him, lest he think less of her.

"The past is the past, eh?" he laughs.  "You lived it, you learned from it.  Now you get over it!"

Heh...that's how guys look at and deal with things like this.  Unfortunately this time, it's just not that easy, at least, it isn't for Miki.

He really has no idea the kind of terrible things I've done in the past.  The way I've lied.

He can never know.

It could be now that Miki's just plain scared of losing Hiroshi like how she lost Aya. She might be thinking that if he knew what she had done, that he wouldn't want to be with her anymore.  She knows what it's like to hurt the person she loves and lose them because of it. She's done it once already, she likely doesn't want to risk it happening to her a second time.

I walk him all the way to work.  If he thought I was riled up before, I wonder what he thinks now.  He doesn't seem to notice that I've become one hundred times tenser, however.  I say goodbye to him at his office, and I then wander back down the street in the general direction of my house, hoping to make it back without incident.

Ok, THIS is where the angst/drama is gonna pop up, right?  If she DOES see Aya (and/or vice versa)...what will Miki do? Will she try and hide again? Pretend like she doesn't recognize her (like that would work)? Act as if nothing happened (no way she could do that)?

[Novaforever]

Yay new chapter!

I wish Aya could hear Hiroshi's words of wisdom on 'the past is the past.'  They her and Miki could make up and everything would be lovey dovey and perfect. 

Of course that would never happen so perfectly in one of your stories now would it? 

[Amarghetta]

Just a few more to go before I'm finished this story (it's not too long).  I'm almost finished writing it, but there's a big connecting chunk that has yet to be penned.  I've also gotten back into Restart and wrote a chapter today.  I have plenty of ideas again.  I want to finish off this one first, and then finish Restart.  And then... that's it!

You shouldn't make promises you can't keep... Especially when you work so hard to build the tension up.

[JFC]

Especially when you work so hard to build the tension up.

He loves doing that to us.

[OTN1]

Haha, no, I mean it this time.  I've planned out an ending for the entire series.  I could keep writing alternate stories in the same world, but it's getting tedious.  Everything's starting to sound the same to me.  One might look at it as "my style", but to me it seems more like I just have limited ways of expressing things, and they've all become exhausted, overused.

But the end is still a little while away.

[OTN1]

Act II

We walk into a Korean restaurant.  The room isn't that big, but it's long, making it appear twice as spacious as it is in reality.  Kazu is updating me on his morning.  He's gotten a promotion and is now in charge of a new sub-department in addition to his regular one.

"...  so we got Canfor to sign the deal with us after such a short period of time.  And they met all our requirements.  No compromises.  If it proceeds well, we'll start the operation within the month and..."

Kazu continues to talk, but I do not continue to listen.  I come face to face with her and fear spills through my guts.

She's crying and she looks right up at me.  Across from her is a man whose face I can't see.  What did he say to make her cry?  Did I just walk in on a break-up?

But then she wipes her face with a tissue and drinks water as the man says something to her in surprise and concern.

"...spicy," is all I hear from the conversation.

"This way," Kazu says, tugging at my elbow to lead me to a table.

I tear my eyes off of Miki.  Why is she here at a Korean restaurant that I'm supposed to be enjoying my lunch at?  Who is that guy with her?  And why did she do a stupid thing like that and order a dish too spicy to eat?

We sit down.  I happen to take a seat where, if I shift a bit, I can see Miki's table.  I have to be careful our eyes don't meet.  She looked right at me a few seconds ago, but I don't think she saw me because of her tears.

Kazu goes on about his dead trees while I sit and pretend to listen, all the while dreading the moment when Miki realises I'm in the room and comes up to me to talk.

No, she wouldn't do that.  She's either too cool or too scared of me.  Once we fell out, she wasn't one of those annoying stalker-types that kept calling to ask if we could talk.  She got the message and stayed away from me.

"... and with fifteen bananas, we can create a thermonuclear shield that will bring balance to the force."

"Fifteen bananas, huh?" I mumble, imagining feeling a hand tap my shoulder.

"In our battle against the Temperons."

"Oh, those Temperons," I agree, looking down at my hands.

I feel a hand tap my arm, and I jerk up, looking up and beyond Kazu.

"Right here," Kazu says.

I look at him and see him waving one hand at me, the other on my arm.  I sigh with relief and give him an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry," I say.

"No problem.  I was having fun talking to you about imaginary aliens."

I smile warily.

Should I say something to him?  Should I alert him to the fact that Miki is sitting in this very room?  Or should I just keep my mouth shut and not make a big deal of it?  If I point out that she's in here, I'll have to explain about the post office, and if she happens to overhear me... it's not a situation I'd like to be in. 

I'll keep quiet.  I'll tell him later.  Besides, when I walked in, it looked like the two were almost finished their meal.

"Would now be a good time to tell me what's up with you?" Kazu asks, interrupting my internal debate.

"No," I say quickly.  "Later when you get home, okay?  Now I want to enjoy lunch with you."

I smile and chuckle inwardly at myself as I begin to relax.  There's nothing to get worked up about.  So what if that girl is sitting across the room from me?  It's not like I'm obligated to talk to her.  It's not like I did something terrible to her.  It's not like she can hurt me now.  There's nothing she could say - nothing - that could make me hate her more than I hated her for a long time.  The hate has worn off with time, and so while I would push her out of the way of a oncoming traffic or call the police if a gun was pointed at her head, I would not want to speak with her.  I have nothing to say to her.  I am indifferent to her and her opinion.  I'm beyond it all.

"I kind of tuned out.  What were you saying about a can of four?" I ask, trying to get Kazu back onto his beloved topic of trees.

"Oh, Canfor.  The lumber company.  So we signed a contract with them..."

And just as he begins to explain everything I tuned out for the first time around, I see Miki and her date get up.  I look over Kazu's shoulder carefully and watch as they leave.  The man goes ahead and pays for the dinner and Miki walks up to him, still looking a bit pained from the spiciness of the food.

All of a sudden, as if she knows somebody is watching her, her head twitches up and she looks around the restaurant through searching eyes.  I feel a chill go up my spine as I watch her eyes seeking out the person that's staring at her.  I shrink back a fraction of a centimetre, and then as her eyes sweep by our table, I bend down and rummage through my purse, pretending to grab at a vibrating phone.

When I straighten up and put my purse back down without retrieving anything, I see that Kazu is still talking and Miki has turned away, apparently satisfied with her inspection of the restaurant.  I see her cling onto her companion's arm and pull him out, and a flash of something goes through me.  Perhaps it's sympathy.  For the guy.

Good luck handling her, I think.

I wonder if she can be completely honest with him.  If she can tell him about her past and still have his respect.

As soon as Miki is gone, though, I stop thinking about her.  She's like a mosquito.  Only an issue when in sight, but when not around, forgotten.  Kazu and I finish our meal with a normal conversation.  A very family-oriented one.  We discuss schools for Yuki.  The time is coming soon for her to start primary school, and we want to make sure she goes to a respectable one.

We leave the restaurant talking about the schools available in our neighbourhood, and by that time, I've forgotten all about the post office encounter.

"Don't you think Yuki'd like a sister?  Or brother?" Kazu asks me while in the middle of crossing an intersection.

I stop.  Kazu has to grab my arm and pull me to safety because the light has turned red.  We get to the sidewalk and I refuse to go a step further until I've thought about what he's just said to me.

We haven't talked about that in a long time.  We did initially, but he was so distressed at the thought of having to be away on frequent business trips that he refused to let anything happen while he wasn't around for half of it.  We decided there was no rush.  We had Yuki.  We were young.

But now with things soaring at work and fewer business trips, he can be home more often.  I'm more than ready for it.  I'm not getting any younger.  But now is not a good time to talk about, what with being on a busy street corner.

"Maybe she does need some company," I agree with a smile.  "See you after work."

He smiles back happily and says goodbye quietly.  I walk home, cheerful, nothing able to shatter my happy world.

[OTN1]

Act III

I push the post office incident out of my mind.  Several days pass and I mostly forget it has happened. 

Shige calls me in for a one-on-one meeting on Friday afternoon, telling me that she has a new project we're going to get started on for the issue that will appear in the last week of next month.

"Anniversaries," she says to me when I walk into her office.

I take a seat and look at her blankly.

"Whose?"

"Suzuki Haruka: three years.  Onitsuka Mayo: four years.  Yumi: two years.  Do you know what all these three have in common?"

I don't know what she's getting at.

"They're all girls?" I ask.

Shige shakes her head, no doubt wondering where all my intelligence has gone.

"Um, they all like the colour pink?" I try again, only trying half-heartedly to guess at what she's talking about.

This time she rolls her eyes.

"June!" she tells me in a shrill, all-knowing voice.

"Their birthdays?" I ask, wondering if it's part of my job description to know those kinds of inane details.

"No!" she scolds me.  "Their month of debut."

Oh.

Well how the hell was I supposed to know that?

"I hate June," I mutter.

"Here we go again," Shige mutters back in response.

Here we go again, I think about her statement.

"I know that you have some built-in genes that don't let you let go of your past, but could you, like, try for once not to mention it out loud?"

Oh, nice one, Shige, I think.  You actually sound intelligent.  You also sound like Hiroshi.

"I wasn't complaining about that," I say defensively.

She thinks I'm making reference to getting kicked out of the Project.

"About what?" Shige asks.

Is she dumb?  She's the one implying things with her sentences.

"Getting kicked out," I roll my eyes.  "And anyway, I wasn't talking about that.  I just hate the month."

Plenty of other things - good and bad - have happened in June.  I traditionally hold it as my unlucky month of the year.

"Well, if it's not that, then it's something else.  But you know, it doesn't really matter what it is.  Why should you let it bother you anymore?"

"Listen," I say, shifting to the edge of my chair.  "I don't have a complex where I can't let go of the past, or whatever.  I just don't like this month."

I'm actually itching for her to continue.  I feel a need to yell something at somebody.  Shige makes an excellent scapegoat for my pent up frustrations.  She always forgives me in the end.

"Maybe it's because it's Matsuura-san's birthday," Shige goes on, not seeming to have heard me.

There's an unspoken rule between us.  We don't talk about Aya.  All she knows is that Aya and I don't talk anymore, but she never questions it.  She has respected that until this very moment.

"What??" I ask in disbelief.  "That has nothing to do..."

"I know you guys haven't talked in forever.  Maybe that's what's bothering you," she says, sounding thoughtful and a little inquisitive.

The girl must be taking random shots.  She can't possibly know I saw the girl just days ago.  It must be all one huge coincidence.

It's ridiculous.  Why does this sort of thing have to happen in my life?  Why can't my life be normal?  Without stupid occurrences that seem more like instances of divine intervention rather than just coincidence.

"No, that's not it."

"Or maybe it's 'cause you got dumped by the guy that caused you to lose your first job," she continues.

That was a cruel thing to bring up.

Right at the end of June, that oh-so-wonderful, funny, relatively new, great guy introduced a new element into our relationship, and that was the break-up.  He had found someone else, and he'd given me a day's notice before going to move in with her.  Some who knew what I did to Aya would have thought I had it coming to me, but it was a very different situation.  I cared about both people.  Mister Spectacular stopped caring about me completely.  It was like the light bulb illuminating his eyes died and could not be replaced.

Don't.  Freaking.  Remind me.

If Shige were a doctor, I'd complain about her bad bedside manner.

"It was-"

"-an amicable break-up," Shige says with me.  "I know, I know."

She doesn't believe that, though.  Of course not.  I always say it, but a few people know it's not true.  I've even talked to her about it when she was caught in a similar situation and I was imparting my wisdom.

"Then maybe it's the recent rainy weather," she finally finishes, a hint of a caustic tone in her words.

"Yeah, it's the weather.  Makes me cranky," I mumble, praying that our discussion is over.

"Anyway," Shige says, reverting to her bubbly tone, bouncing up from her chair and handing me a paper.  "Take a look at this.  It's just an outline of my idea.  Let's set a meeting for tomorrow and discuss it.   Bring your ideas!"

I find myself taking the paper and switching to my professional demeanour, making some preliminary comments off the top of my head.  I then excuse myself to go back to my own office.  When I get there, I sit at my desk.

Do I really let the past have such a hold on me?  It's not like I'm still longing for days of old.  I no longer obsess about going back into time and fixing my huge mistakes.  I don't constantly sit there and think "I wish Aya'd forgive me."  But Shige's right.  I have to stop thinking negatively.  Hiroshi's right.  The past is the past.  I've got to get over that last bit of it.  I'm almost there.

I look at the list of names on the sheet of paper Shige has given me, and I start to think about past Junes.  June twelve years ago: good.  Eleven years ago: good. Ten years ago: everything went bad.  The next two Junes I wallowed in self-pity the entire month.  Now the month approaches again, and while in the last few years nothing has gone awry, I still remember certain things.  The weather reminds me.  The things in the city that I see remind me.  The dates on the calendar remind me.

However, this is work.  I don't want to let our readers down by being so self-involved that I don't do my part properly in producing an interesting magazine for them to read.  I swallow whatever hesitation I have, and I jump into the work.

That evening, Hiroshi and I go out to meet some friends of ours.  We are lucky and have Saturday off, so we can stay out late and sleep in late.  There's nothing like a night out to erase all worries from my mind. 

The following Saturday, we wake up at noon and go out for lunch.  After we are stuffed with soba, we take a walk in the park.  We're talking about a story one of our friends told us yesterday, and I hang onto his arm, squeezing it as I laugh until a tear makes it way out of the corner of my eye.

It is then, gasping for breath from so much laughter, that I come face-to-face with the last person I want to meet.

[Amarghetta]

Haha, no, I mean it this time.  I've planned out an ending for the entire series.  I could keep writing alternate stories in the same world, but it's getting tedious.  Everything's starting to sound the same to me.  One might look at it as "my style", but to me it seems more like I just have limited ways of expressing things, and they've all become exhausted, overused.

But the end is still a little while away.

Well, it was bound to happen, I guess. This isn't General Hospital, after all.
Just don't run away from the creative scene, it'd be such a waste...

It is then, gasping for breath from so much laughter, that I come face-to-face with the last person I want to meet.

JFC's right, you just love building the tension up.

[OTN1]

Well, it was bound to happen, I guess. This isn't General Hospital, after all.
Just don't run away from the creative scene, it'd be such a waste...

A quick check up in the Wiki showed me that General Hospital has lasted for a long time.  Hah, god forbid I write something obnoxiously neverending like that.  Good thing I'm stopping myself.

I would never run away from the creative scene!  No arts, no life.

[OTN1]

Act IV

Kazu and I have a nice and long talk that evening after tucking Yuki into bed.  When I was a bit younger, planning the future used to come with a mixture of fear and excitement (mostly the latter), but now this time, it comes with a huge sense of relief.  It's a comfort to learn that we both are on the same wavelength.

A few days pass, and I feel recharged.  I consider the future of my career.  I have a secret from the world.  I may have removed myself from the entertainment industry, but I have certainly not taken music out of my life.  I've kept practicing on my own, and I've been working on creating my own music.  Kazu is my greatest supporter.  He's always hinted that I should go back out into the public and show them what I've been doing.  I've always ignored those hints.  But now... Now I might consider it.  I don't want to make a big deal about it, but it would be nice to show where I've managed to go since quitting the business.

On Saturday, Kazu has a day off.  Yuki goes off to play with her second cousin, so Kazu and I go for a long walk in the park.  We stop for ice cream and eat it by a tiny pond filled with carp.  Then we continue on our way, no plan in mind.

We walk along a small path wide enough only for two.  I notice another couple in the distance coming towards us, so I make a note to remember to move out of the way when we cross paths.  What I don't make a mental note of is what to do in case it's Miki, and of course (because my life is full of silly twists of fate) it happens to be Miki and that man I saw with her at the Korean restaurant.

I notice this when they are about three metres away.  I look up and simply don't believe what I see.  Miki is hanging off of Korean restaurant man's arm and laughing till she's crying about something.  This is the second time I've seen her crying in the past few days, although these tears are brought on not by sorrow.  The last time I saw her crying out of distress was ten years ago.

She looks up, her eyes lock with mine, and then it's clear that we're in a whole load of something that is not shaping up to be pleasantly fragrant like fresh roses.

I stop.  She stops.  Kazu looks at her.  I look at Kazu.  He recognises her.  Miki looks at Kazu.  She looks at the man she's with.  I look at the man she's with.  He does not show any sign of recognition.  He looks at Kazu.  He looks at Miki.  Miki looks at me.  I look back at her.  She takes in a breath.  Maybe she's going to say something.

Say "excuse me" and walk by.  There's not even an acquaintanceship between the two of us.

"Friend of yours?" Miki's man asks, seeing the obvious flash of recognition between us.

Don't start.  Please, I find myself begging desperately in my mind.

She's hanging off of his arm and they seem close, but if he doesn't know who I am, then I wonder how close they really are. 

Also, have I really changed that much in ten years?  Have people forgotten my face?  He seems to be at an age where he should have known who I was growing up unless he was raised in a remote island village in Okinawa or a foreign country.

"Yeah," Miki says in a quiet tone.  "Old co-worker."

The man looks at me a little more closely and understanding lights his eyes up.  Now he recognises who I am.  I guess he hasn't seen an updated photograph of me in years, much like the rest of the public.  I've been largely forgotten.  Three quarters of my old fans probably wouldn't notice me in a crowd.

"Long time ago," I add redundantly, speaking my first words.

There's a silence.  I can feel Kazu beside me.  Miki, Kazu, and I understand the tension in this situation.  It seems as though this man Miki is with hasn't a clue.  Miki has let go of his arm.  The four of us stand as if locked in a face-off.  The awkwardness doesn't come close to anything I've felt before.

"I'm Tabe.  Nice to meet you," Kazu says suddenly, addressing Miki and the mystery man.

What are you doing?

"Oh.  Sato Hiroshi.  The pleasure's mine."

Now the man has a name.  It sounds vaguely familiar, but I don't have time to think about it.  My eyes lock with Miki's.  She looks away.

"Fujimoto," Miki says simply to Kazu, and then gives him a trace of a smile to lighten the impact of her greeting.  "I used to work with Aya-chan."

She gestures toward me with a brief flick of the hand.  I cringe at my name being spoken by her.  In a way it seems right that she still address me like that, but in another way she shouldn't even be using my name.  It's strange.  I should simple be "this girl" or "her".  Not "Aya-chan" or "Matsuura-san".

"Yes.  I've heard so much from Aya," Kazu says pleasantly, and for a moment I want to kick him.

Great.  Now Miki can jump to conclusions and imagine what sort of a nasty picture I've painted of her.

Miki's reaction is no reaction at all.  If she's upset to find out I've told Kazu things, she hides it well.  No surprise there.

The tension is such that I can see the man named Sato starting to feel it.  I look up at Kazu, who meets my gaze for a brief second before turning his head to Miki.

"Say, why don't you two go grab a coffee and catch up.  I've got to go and attend to some business anyway," he says.

Oh my god.  You are dead, Kazu.  Dead.  When we get home tonight, I'm going to beat you to a bloody pulp, drown your head in the toilet, fling you over the side of the balcony and-

"Oh, I don't want to take up any of your time," Miki says quickly, addressing me verbally but looking at Kazu.

However, her oblivious man (whose aggravatingly innocent role in all this reminds me briefly of a certain boy I used to date), pipes up.

"Yeah, why don't you two go on?"

I can tell from the way Miki's eyes narrow the slightest bit that she, too, wants to murder the man she's with.

Now wouldn't that make an interesting novel?  Two girls with a complicated history reunite ten years later and murder their respective husbands, leading to a thrilling epic tale of two girls turned friends turned lovers turned enemies turned accomplices in crime over the course of over a decade.  Racy.  Unsettling.  A page turner.

"I think-" I start.

"Excellent, then.  It's settled," Kazu says, clapping his hands together and then turning to Miki.  "It was nice to meet you."

And before I know it, the two boys have walked off, leaving me and Miki standing in the middle of a park on a sunny, warm day.

"What the hell, Hiroshi," Miki mutters under her breath.

I see she hasn't lost her particular charming self over the years.

I don't say anything to her.  What do you say to someone you haven't seen in ten years?  Someone who you used to be so close to but then was betrayed by?  She doesn't say anything either.  I wonder if guilt is eating at her.

"I'm sorry," she says suddenly, cutting into my thoughts.

For a second I think that she's apologising for ten years ago, but then she speaks some more.

"I didn't mean for us to get us into this situation."

It's not like she could have prevented it.  We both happen to be strolling through the same park at the exact same time.  We also both happen to have aggravating significant others.

We don't speak another word, and in silent agreement, we start to walk to an empty bench by the fountain.  We sit down facing the water and both look forward. 

Just as I've always thought.  We have nothing to say to each other.

"So is that guy your husband?"

No.  She doesn't deserve to ask that question.  She doesn't deserve to know anything about my life now.

"Yes," I reply simply.

I'm too polite to avoid answering a straightforward question.

"What are you now?  Tabe Aya?"

It sounds funny to hear her say that.  Like she's tasted something peculiar and isn't quite sure what to make of it.  Like tasting two fruits never before mixed together.

"Oh, no.  I kept my name," I reply firmly.

"That's just like you," she comments with a small, genuine smile that seems out of place here.

And she would know, wouldn't she.  I have to resign myself to the fact that despite her stupidity in the past, she knows my character well.

"What about you?  Married?"

She shakes her head.

"Not yet.  It's been a busy few years."

What has she been doing? I wonder.

Nothing to put her on billboards or television commercials is all I can figure out.  It's amazing how even when you completely ignore the entertainment industry, you can know so much just from the everyday things you see pasted on every available surface in the city.

"What have you been up to?"

The part of me that doesn't want to talk to her is slowly diminishing.  I'm extremely wary of what I say to her, but once faced with the beast, curiosity outweighs flight instincts, and I decide a little poking and prodding can't hurt.

She raises curious eyebrows at me.

"I suppose you don't read that magazine, then."

Enigmatic reply.  She's been in a magazine recently?  For what?  Modelling?  She's too old for that.  She doesn't look it, but she can't get away with lying about her age since it's an easily checkable fact.

"Remember Shige-san?  Sayu?"

Michishige Sayumi?  A name I haven't heard in years.  I nod.

"She's the head of the most famous girls' magazine in the country.  Ever heard of Superbly?  I work right beside her editing that."

I try not to let my jaw drop in surprise.  Of course I've heard of Superbly.  Nobody in Japan hasn't heard of it.  I've never touched a copy, but I've seen the cover of it at stores since it started as a small, humble fashion magazine.  To learn that Miki is some sort of high-ranking staff member of that magazine sends me into fits of disbelief.  That's only half of the astonishment I feel to hear that Michishige heads the publication.
 
How could a dolt like Miki be an editor?  Aren't editors supposed to be intelligent university graduates who are good at reading and writing and have an excellent command of the Japanese language?  Aren't editors supposed to be... not like Miki at all?  Where'd she get the smarts to do that sort of thing?  Miki meeting deadlines while under strict management is fine because she's motivated by a natural aversion to punishment.  But Miki meeting deadlines while being the management is impossible to believe.  Simply impossible.

"Oh," I say aloud, hiding my true thoughts.

She looks at me.  Peripheral vision allows me to see her eyes studying my face.

"You don't believe it, do you," she states.

I angle my head to return her look.

"But it's true.  Some time in the past ten years I really grew up.  Left that path of youth we used to walk down.  It's far behind me now."

She really has changed.  I can tell.  She's still the same Miki, but she's done extraordinarily well for herself.  Working as the sub-head of Superbly, living with a tall, handsome gentleman, and still looking not a day over twenty-five.

But as I look in her eyes closely now for the first time in ten years, I see something more there.  Under the thick layer of good feeling rests a kind of uneasiness.  It's probably brought out by my presence, but it seems something she's accustomed to.

"Are you happy?"

Maybe I'm bullying her with this question.  Maybe I'm trying to wrest out some admission of misery from her.

Her look doesn't change at all.

"Yeah."

She sounds like she means it.

"Are you?" she shoots back.

I think over my life. 

Am I happy?

Yes.  Yes, I definitely am.  I'm surrounded by people who love me and who I love back.  That's what I've always needed and wanted.

"Yeah," I echo her reply.

But there's one thing I'm not happy about, and that's her.  I realise that she represents my one failure in life.  The one big one.  She represents all my regret, because she's the only thing I truly regret.  But not in the way one might think.  I think if I never got to know her, I wouldn't be the person I am now, so I don't regret meeting her.  Kazu is right.  She was important.  Was.  I guess the thing that I regret is that it couldn't have worked out for the better or at least ended in a cleaner way.  That maybe it was destined to happen this way, and nothing could stop that stupidity we went through.  I regret that it happened, but understand that it had to happen.  We had to carry it out to the bloody, painful conclusion.

"Have any regrets?"

More bullying courtesy of me.  But I'm curious.  That's all.

She shoots me a look.

Should I not go there?  Or does she not mind and is just surprised?

"Don't we all?" she asks with a hint of acidity in her voice.

Well, I'd say I just struck a nerve.  However, I don't feel so good about it.  I need to stop before I become nasty, cruel.

I stand up, making it clear that I want this conversation to end soon.

"Well, I hope that you can get over them.  No use worrying about the past anymore."

It almost sounds like forgiveness coming from me.

She stares down at the dirt.

"See you," I finally say after she doesn't reply.

I turn around to go, thinking that leavings things like this will be a lot better than how they've stood for the past ten years.  I'm not refusing to acknowledge her and she's not begging for forgiveness.

"Aya," she calls out before I can leave.

Do I want to hear what she's going to say?  I kind of don't.  Her voice sounds a little anxious.

Don't say anything stupid, I beg her.  Don't say anything awkward.  Don't say anything to rehash a past that's done and over with and buried underneath heaps of rubble.  And most of all, don't admit your undying love for me.  Just let me walk away.

I stop and turn around, taking a few paces forward to the bench so that she doesn't have to broadcast her thoughts to the ravens that are puttering about nearby.

"I'm really sorry," she says quietly.  "For everything."

This time, I know for sure that it's an apology for all that mess.  I haven't heard one in ten years.

I've imagined this moment before.  We meet again after many years and she apologises... and I snub her.  I rub her bad deeds in her face, or I just ignore her words.  I say something nasty to hurt her.

"It's okay.  Don't worry anymore," I reply in the same genuine tone.

And then I give her a bit of a smile.  Not a big one.  Just a small, comforting one.

I am Ayaya, after all, and always will be no matter how much I grow up and remove myself from the period I used that name.  Hatred doesn't suit me.  Love does.  Compassion does.  It's time I remember that.  If I can smile and forgive Miki, then my heart can be saved from becoming a bitter, vengeful organ that holds grudges that do nothing but fester and make me feel like a dreadful person.

I hope that she can tell I mean it.  I want her to stop thinking about it.  I don't want to see her or anyone suffer.  The past is the past, after all, and I should make an example of taking my own advice.

I get a good look at her face before I nod goodbye and turn around to walk home.  I'm conscious of every step I take.  I half expect to hear footsteps come running after me, Miki asking in a roundabout and awkward way if we can be friends again.  But I know deep inside that she won't do that.  Before I turned around to leave, I saw in her eyes acceptance.  I saw gratitude.  And I saw understanding.  We're not best friends again, and we can probably never be, of which I am ninety-nine point nine nice nine percent sure of that.  I am sure she knows that, too.  She knows that it's best to just leave things as they are: on the good side of neutral.

And if we see each other on the street again from this day on, we can exchange polite greetings and continue on our separate ways.

I have a feeling, though, that this isn't our last meeting.  Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring, but the way things have always worked out in my life, twists of fate seem to rain down on me in sheets.  If I decide to go back out into the public world, we might end up crossing paths at work.  Regardless of the direction of my career, we might end up in the same line at the supermarket.

The past will never come back.  Only our future will come.  And it won't be nearly as shiny and ideal as the one we imagined together a decade ago.  But that's okay.  We have our other sources of happiness.  Or at least I do.

I walk home no longer wanting to kill Kazu.  I want to hug him and thank him.  Not many people would do what he's done for me.  Because of him, I've discovered that I'm able to forgive.  That, I now know, is one of the most important things you can do with your heart.  Now that I've written the final sentence of the book that's been unfinished and waiting for years to be concluded, I feel renewed, and after ten years of going through life as though swimming through molasses, I can now start living life at my normal, vibrant pace.

I stop once I'm far away enough, and I turn around.  I can't see Miki, but I imagine that I can.  In real life, I take a deep breath and hold it in to remember everything that has just happened before turning around and walking home; in my mind, I smile at her, wave bye-bye, and skip off cheerfully towards the horizon.

[Amarghetta]

I would never run away from the creative scene!  No arts, no life.

Good to know!

I stop once I'm far away enough, and I turn around.  I can't see Miki, but I imagine that I can.  In real life, I take a deep breath and hold it in to remember everything that has just happened before turning around and walking home; in my mind, I smile at her, wave bye-bye, and skip off cheerfully towards the horizon.

The end?

[OTN1]

In keeping with Friday story tradition (?), there's still one more story left to tell.