It's my first time posting here, so I'm still trying to get the hang of everything, do bear with me if I end up with a few weird errors here and there. It doesn't help that I currently don't have access to a computer and everything is done using my phone. Anyway, this is a collection of short stories with a range of pairings that happen to strike my writing muse.
So far it's just yuunaa and mogion, but I can almost guarantee that Yuiparu, sakuruppi, and yuriannin will turn up at some point, along with a few Majisuka pairings too.
Contents Page
1. Integrity - Yuuna & Mogion Part I
2.Control (http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=44865.msg1422475#msg1422475) - Yuuna & Mogion Part II
Note: this first chapter is censored because this forum doesn't allow explicit material, and i don't know how explicit is 'too explicit' so i censored it to be safe. If you like Mogion, you might want to read the uncensored version because they have a very physical relationship in this story, and I feel like I've neutered their section here. For the full uncensored version, visit https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1377919/1 (https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1377919/1).
Chapter 1: Integrity | yuunaa & mogion
The dressing rooms of the AKB48 theatres are known to be loud and bustling places.
With girls wandering around in various states of undress, hurryingly preparing for the next stage, or perhaps lazing about while waiting for time to pass. Sometimes it's a place of utmost privacy, with members in the past like Oshima Yuko parading around in naught but their underwear (and sometimes even less so), other times it's filled with cautious girls pretending to be caught unawares by the 'hidden' cameras and pranks. 'Hidden', because really, they can play pranks in the waiting room, but putting cameras hidden into the dressing room of adolescent girls is a most likely a recipe for getting arrested and charged on multiple accounts.
One late night sees the dressing room in neither of these states, but rather silent and devoid of much movement. The only exception being the rustling by a rack of Jabaja outfits.
"C'mon Yuiri, you're not fooling anyone anymore. Everyone knows already," Shinozaki Ayana's voice tinged with disbelief echoes around the empty dressing room.
Most of their friends and fellow team members have already left for home, leaving just the two of them straggling behind, as Yuiri had wanted to get some extra practice in before a performance the following week.
Murayama Yuiri, for her part, is just completely exasperated with Ayanan's insinuations, "I don't know what you think you know, but whatever it is, it's wrong."
"Yuiri, we're from the same generation. I probably know you the best -- well, probably not as well as Nana, but that's a special case if you know what I mean," Ayana finishes her sentence with a suggestive wag of her eyebrows, which earns her a scowl and punch in the arm from the other girl.
"--no I do not," Yuiri interjects, probably automatically at this point as she doesn't even take her eyes off the costume that she's placing back into the dust covers.
"Really," Ayana begins flatly, "Everyone knows you and Naa-chan are dating at this point. You denying it so frequently just makes us believe it more."
Yuiri finishes placing her costume back onto the rack before turning to face her friend, "Well I don't know what to tell you except I deny it because it's not true. Naa-chan and I are a hundred percent NOT dating. Trust me, if we were, I think I'd know."
"But you guys go out on fancy dates -- "
"-- it's just dinner!" Yuiri interrupts with a well rehearsed answer. Well rehearsed because she's had to defend that bloody dinner 'date' one too many times. She completely regrets telling anyone about it.
"--that she pays for you," Ayana points out.
"One time!"
"-- and she paid for your movie tickets."
"Again, one time! In fact, that was the same day, and I paid for popcorn and drinks."
"-- and you two have matching heart necklaces," Ayana finishes, steam rolling over any and all of Yuiri's pitiful protests.
"Necklaces that Nana bought for our friendship. You know, when I was helping her out because she was having a rough time. We talked about that on air for gods sake."
"You guys went to the Halloween broadcast in matching costumes," Ayana says in an absolutely deadpan tone.
"So? You were planning to match with me."
"But I couldn't, because you were already matching with Nana. With costumes that she bought by the way. Good job of snatching yourself a rich girl--
"-- oh my god drop it Ayana!"
Ayana does let the subject slide, probably purely out of self preservation instincts as Yuiri was looking more and more homicidal as the conversation went on, but not before a final, "...fine. But I still think you two are dating."
Yuiri marches for the theatre door and doesn't even glance behind her when she throws back, "Think whatever you like because we're not."
****
Everyone thinks that Murayama Yuiri and Okada Nana are dating.
Their friends start comparing 'Yuunaa stories' on showroom of all places, but the two of them are adamantly denying it. Because well, it's not true. They're not dating. Simple as that.
Everything that they 'do' according to their friends, is nothing more than friendship. They support each other yes, they meet up outside work hours for meals, they watch movies, and sometimes sleepover one another's places -- everything is inocuously as nothing more than friends. Sometimes Yuiri would really like to hammer her friends (particularly Ayanan and Saki) in the head until the fact sinks in. She and Nana are just friends.
The vibration by her left thigh draws Yuiri out of her reverie and she pulls her thoughts back to the present as she reaches for her ringing phone. The caller ID flashes across the screen. Huh, speaking of the devil. She wonders what Nana could possibly be calling about at this time, because she's quite sure that her junior is in the middle of a shoot.
"Moshi moshi?"
"Yuu-chan."
One word and Yuiri can already tell that this is a bad day. Naa-chan's hyperglycemia has a huge mental component, it is part of an eating disorder after all, and some days are worse than others. Naa-chan sounds on the verge of a panic attack, so it's up to Yuiri to keep calm. She maintains a level voice and hopes that it's enough to keep Nana's anxiety from spiking any further.
"Naa-chan, do you need me to come to you?"
"No, no I'm in the middle of a shoot," Nana says quickly, her words running together like she hasn't had time to take a proper breath.
"If you're sure? Well if you change your mind, I can pop over quickly, it's no trouble," she offers her help, and leaves it entirely up to Nana, because it's important that Nana has a choice. Control is an important component of a lot of mental disorders, and while Yuiri is no professional, she is quick to learn.
"I just...I need to..."
"Alright, listen to my voice. You can do that okay. Just close your eyes and listen to me. Brethe deeply, in...and out. In and out alright?"
"Okay...okay."
"Good, good, you're doing good," and Yuiri starts to ramble on about nothing in particular, mostly her day -- leaving out the parts where Ayanan was insinuating things again, that's the last thing Nana needs right now.
Eventually Nana's breathing starts to even out, and she replies to Yuiri's nonsense.
"All good?"
"Yeah, better. Thank you Yuu-chan."
"Of course, I told you, no need to thank me. So what set it off?"
"It's stupid."
"It's not," Yuiri counters immediately, "You know it's better for you if you pinpoint the reason."
"...Might've eaten too much of the catering during the break and panicked about not being able to fit into my costume. Told you it's --
"-- not stupid," Yuiri says firmly, and she's about to say something else because she can feel Nana about to argue with her, but then there's a rustle on the otherside, and some loud voices in the background. Probably the director Yuiri thinks, which probably means it's time for Nana to go.
"I gotta go. Thank you again Yuu-chan. What do i do without you."
"Okay, come to my house when you're done."
"Don't you have a job tomorrow? I don't want to impose."
"Come to my house tonight or I'll hunt you down and drag you back, and then that would be an imposition," Yuiri says and doesn't give Nana any time to come up with an excuse because she hangs up. Sometimes the only way to deal with Nana's self flagellation is to just be equally stubborn.
So no, despite how it may appear to others, Yuiri and Nana are not dating.
Does Yuiri wish they are?
Well...that's a different story altogether.
****
When Nana steps through Yuiri's apartment later that night, she collapses onto the couch, and Yuiri herself is over there within seconds, arms thrown around Nana, who clings onto her like a lifeline. Yuiri runs her hands through the soft locks of Nana's hair, and rubs soothing circles around her back.
She wishes she can do more to make Nana feel better. Yes, she wishes that they are dating. Because then perhaps she'll be allowed to cross that boundary to make Nana feel just a bit better. She wishes they're dating so she can kiss those worries away. She wishes they're dating so that perhaps her assurances might carry more weight when they reach Nana's ears, then perhaps Nana might believe them. She wishes they are dating so that this doesn't feel so taboo.
So why aren't they dating?
Well, it's not for lack of reciprocation. That much is all over Nana's face, which doesn't even factor in her words or her behaviour.
Nana's calmed down by now, and she's staring up at Yuiri with that look in her eyes again -- the one filled with reckless want, the one where her eyes are lidded and red with fresh tears, and her gaze heavy and directed at Yuiri's lips, and Yuiri smoothly maneouvures herself out of Nana's grasp and off the couch.
"Do you want a drink? I'll get some tea," she flees to the kitchen. Her body's tingling, every place that Nana touches is on fire, her face is probably red, and her heart sounds like thunder in her ears.
Yuiri isn't strong like Nana. She doesn't have the willpower to resist. Any longer and she might've leaned down to kiss her, and that crosses the thin line that they've been dancing around for years. Nana might think she's weak, but she's stronger than Yuiri ever will be when it comes to this. There's a reason why Yuiri plays 'Tsundere' everytime they're on camera, it's because she's too blatantly obvious if she doesn't. She's not strong enough to dance so close to temptation. Boy is temptation oh so tantalizingly sweet. When Naa-chan's warm in her arms, and murmuring 'I love yous' in her ears, Yuiri wants to say 'fuck it' to the love ban and kiss her senseless.
But Nana is strong.
"It's okay to love, you can't control your feelings. Just don't act on it," she says. Nana always did have an interesting way of getting around the love ban.
They aren't allowed to date. So they don't. Because Nana loves her career, loves the group, and Yuiri loves Nana, and so she stays strong for her. They spend time together, share their hopes, their fears, their dreams, and their troubles, they bare their hearts and souls to each other, but only ever in words. Words are all they share, because they can't do anymore, and it infuriates Yuiri whenever a fellow member suggests otherwise. Because Yuiri would love to take Nana in her arms, and have her in truly everyway possible, but she can't. Yes, they're 'practically dating', close to it, but they're not, and Yuiri will punch out the next idiot who claims they're breaking the rules when she's tearing herself apart trying to abide by them.
Sometimes she imagines what it's like to kiss Nana. Will she taste as sweet as she smells? Will her lips be smooth, or soft, or slightly chapped? Will her skin feel like silky fire under Yuiri's fingers? Will she cry loudly, or muffle her whimpers as she comes undone beneath her? Yuiri wants to know, oh she burns to know.
When Nana presses her forehead against Yuiri's, eyes closed, and breathing in sync, bathing her scent all over Yuiri while whispering 'I love you' under her breath, Yuiri can almost trick herself into believing it's enough. It has to be for now.
It's not.
Yuiri breaks away first. She always does, because she's weak. Because Nana's scent, Nana's...Nana overwhelms her, and she knows she'll succumb to their emotions if she doesn't. It's unbelievably frustrating when the others make light of what she so longingly yearns for. What Nana takes oh so very seriously. They're members of AKB48. They're not allowed to date. So they don't. Because Nana sets herself up as an example for the juniors to follow, and Yuiri won't take that from her. She just wishes everyone else would stop.
The only two who don't are Mogi Shinobu and Mukaichi Mion. Probably because they're in the exact same boat...Sort of. The self proclaimed official couple of AKB approaches Yuiri and Nana shortly after that 'lovey dovey' AKbingo episode they shot, featuring their so-called couple moments. Evidently Mogi and Mion saw something between them and reached out. There's a mutual understanding between the four of them. Two pairs in love, but not able, or perhaps no willing to do anything about it.
Mogi doesn't know how Nana and Yuiri do it.
How they shower each other in emotional affection, in kissless declarations of love, and silent understanding, all the while reigning their baser instincts in. Mogi knows she and Mion can't do that. So they don't -- their's is an entirely different dance, around a different type of boundary.
Mion slides beneath the sheets to join her, and then Mogi is a little too busy kissing her to do anymore semi-emotional pondering. Mion is rough today, all teeth and nails clawing at her back. There's an explicit sense of frustration eminating from theyounger girl today, and Mogi knows exactly what to do to alleviate that. As she kisses back, teeth biting down on Mion's bottom lip, she wonders what happened to get Mion so riled up. Perhaps the shoot didn't go as well as she wanted? Mion never did like doing photo ops.
Mogi's breath hitches, and she nearly flinches when a set of teeth latches against the pulse point on her neck. A hand on her shoulder keeps her down, as Mion's weight presses down on top of her, a thigh settling between her own has lightning shooting up her spine. Yup, someone really pissed Mion off today. Mogi wonders who she has to thank for this, as she snakes a hand up Mion's shirt, grinning in satisfaction when the younger girl lets out a strangled gasp. Satisfaction exhuding from her almost smugly as Mion whimpers and the hands around her back clench tighter. The elder girl shivers as a flash of pleasure floods through her when Mion presses her knees down on either side of Mogi's thigh and lowers herself down.
Mogi breathes in the site of Mion sitting a top of her, eyes screwed shut, whines leaving her throat. It's intoxicating the way Mion's breath hitches from the pleasure that she derives from Mogi's body. Evidently it's not enough though because her rhythym is off, and her hands clench into fists in frustration.
"Mogi," Mion whines.
And Mogi's teeth bearing smile widens, "I know," without another word exchaned between them, Mogi places either hand on Mion's shoulders and levers herself up, pushing Mion's back into her bed, as she settles between the younger girl's legs, she chances a glance up, and sure enough, Mion is looking at her with a gaze that could melt diamond, with her lower lip caught between her teeth. Mogi finds her mouth quirking into a smirk at the sight. A moment passes between them, almost like they're caught in a spell, unable to move, unable or perhaps unwilling to look away.
Mion caves first, as she always does, and seizes Mogi's right hand, dragging it towards her, and Mogi complies. She never gets tired of this, of watching the way Mion gasps, and groans, the way her hands curl into the sheets, the way her eyes roll into the back of her head she she comes apart underneath Mogi, whimpering all the while as Mogi helps her ride through it all. When at last, Mion's breathing slows back down, Mogi lays down next to Mion, pulling the younger girl so that her back is pressed against Mogi's front.
Mogi thinks 'I love you', and perhaps Mion thinks it back, but they don't say a word. They never do.
There's a love ban within AKB, and well, technically Mogi and Mion aren't in love. How could they be when they've never actually talked to each other beyond work and casual outings? Speaking aloud makes it real, and they're not allowed to be real.
Mogi doesn't know how Yuiri and Nana let their words flow freely, but deny themselves the taste of each other's lips. Mogi used to think she and Mion decided on the better arrangement.
In the beginning, they'd sparked a passion that burned like a raging forest fire. Unquenchable, always hungering for more, they could barely keep their hands off each other in public, let alone when behind closed doors.
But the years have calmed it down to a manageable simmer, and neither of them felt the need to be in such constant close proximity - instead there's another desire that emerges. Because suddenly the silent confessions, aren't enough anymore. Mogi wants something tangible, something she can hear and remember. She wants the words to fall from Mion's lips as freely as her sighs do.
After six years, Mogi needs to hear the words come out of Mion's mouth. Hell, the words are threatening to burst out from her own. Because after all of these years, the silence is deafening and Mogi wants nothing more than to break it.
Nana and Yuiri are all over each other during the Instagram live. Mogi watches them fondly from the corner of her eyes, they're like magnets, opposites that are uncontrollably, constantly drawn to each other, like she and Mion were in the early days. Except they've gone on totally opposite trajectories, for Nana and Yuiri have probably never touched each other beyond what theyre doing on camera right now. For Mogi, it's enough that Mion is by her side, close enough to touch, the memories of those soft hands forever imprinted in her mind. But it's another distance that seems insurmountable - the one that Nana and Yuiri makes it look so easy.
"What do you want for your birthday?" Mion asks Nana.
Who then replies with a cheeky, "I want love." Obviously directed at Yuiri only.
And it's the usual for the two of them, but it pierces like an arrow through Mogi's chest, because those are the words Mogi so desperately needs to say, but doesn't. Because Mion is in senbatsu and receiving a lot of jobs and exposure. She's getting a major push and anything else would complicate that. So Mogi bites her tongue, and contents herself by feeling the thrum of Mion's heart beating against her chest.
There's a poetic tragedy in here somwhere, about four people, two pairs in love, but kept torn apart by powers beyond their control. By expectations to fufil the wishful fantasies of others.
Or perhaps just four idiots stubbornly suffering in a misery of their own making. After all, it's not like other members haven't dated, most in much riskier positions than they are, meeting up with men. It's integrity that keeps them from acting on their emotions. Combined with a love for the group, and a particular idea of what it means to be part of it.
And if that particular idea changes, then maybe, just maybe, someone might take the first step. Or mayhaps no idea need to be changed, and things will keep going as they are, until someone breaks or crumbles.
*****
Feel free to throw comments, suggestions, and criticisms down below. I welcome discussion