More Wmatsui and more about Rena's past, hope you like it <3
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Eternity: Disappointment | we meet again
Delusione
Déception
Decepción
Disappointment…
“Disappointment” is the word that describes what I feel, I disappointed myself…
I disappointed myself because I couldn’t control myself, again I made that mistake, and although this time I didn’t take any life, I almost took the life of the person who I love…
“Rena… don’t think about the past, you didn’t take any human life” Yuka said me with a relaxed voice as she hugged me “You are more than you think, you reacted in time, you know how much willpower you need to do that? If it had been me… I can’t believe I have succeeded, even if it had been Mieko instead of Jurina…”
“But I hurt her… I brought too many bad things to Jurina, she shouldn’t be involved in this world, is my fault for dragged her into this, for my foolishness, for the stupid love I feel for her”
“I’ll let you calm down first, you’re not being reasonable, but think well Rena, the only damage you did to Jurina was to make her fall in love with you, the damage is done, and there is no ticket to go back”
Yuka leave me alone after telling me those words, it was true, Jurina love me as much I love her, but what happened could do to change my mind, I said before that there wasn’t much things for what I could get scared, but now, I could be scared of me, hate myself… although I would like to think that everything will be alright, I can’t erase from my mind the mark of my fangs into her neck, watching her skin pale for what I was stealing, for steal her life…
————
“I wouldn’t blame her for anything, I could never blame her for something, I accept her for who she is, I fall in love even knowing how dangerous she was, she doesn’t need to behave like that, she should understand me!” I yelled desperate, for more that I want understand her I couldn’t, I believed that she knowing about my love was enough, I looked for the trouble knowing that she just wanted to protect me, the fool here was me, because I wanted to protect her knowing that I couldn’t do it.
“Her fears are her memories” Mieko said gaining my attention “Rena is afraid thanks to something happened before”
“What happened? If I know what happened I could understand her, we might find a solution” I said trying to make Mieko tell me the story.
“Jurina, there are things that I can’t tell you, I advise you to wait a while, Rena will return to you on her own foot, she loves you too much to just disappear” Mieko said with a smile
“Rena is a stupid vampire” I said reproachfully
“It’s a stupid vampire who is madly in love with you” Mieko said laughing “Just give her some space, she was too shocked to see what she did to you, and I know it wasn’t easy for you too”
“If I have to die, I would rather die at the hands of Rena that at someone else” I answered without hesitation, Mieko looked at me surprised but then smiled
“I said something similar to Yuka, and you know what she told me?” she asked me with a smile on her face, which I shook my head negatively “She said that I was an idiot, the pain of seeing someone beloved die was something horrible, and it was even worse if she knew that was her fault, you had hurt someone before, Jurina? and I don’t mean just physically, but emotionally too”
“I don’t think so…” I answered trying to remember if I had
“Then you can’t really understand very well what it’s that kind of remorse, Jurina, imagine for a moment being in the place of Rena, imagine that you take her by her neck and bite her, drawing her life with every sip you take, when you realize what you had done, you see her on the floor, pale and motionless, not breathing”
“To imagine that makes me feel emptiness in my chest” I answered, I had imagined it, if only imagine it was horrible, Rena must have felt worse
“Now you understand a little more, right? I don’t support the way Rena acted right now, but I can understand her, so try to do it you too”
If understand Rena is give her time, I would do it… but the days passed and I felt them unusually longer…
“Missing Rena?” Yuka wondered as she walked beside me
“I don’t need a bodyguard anymore, Airin isn’t her anymore” I said trying to avoid the subject, talking about Rena, think about her makes my chest hurt and makes the day pass even slower
“What a rude pup we have here” Said laughing “Who would know you will talk with me with such disrespect?… Anyway, Rena hasn’t contacted you?”
“If you’re searching for her, it’s easier to find her on your own than ask me” I answered irritated and started walking faster
“Don’t get angry…” Yuka whispered as she was reaching me “I talked with her a few times, I thought maybe she came to see you already”
“It’s been a month already and I don’t know anything about that stupid vampire, Mieko doesn’t say anything to me, and you… well at least for you I know she’s still in the town” I answered still irritated “Why she doesn’t come? she’s so brave to protect me, but when it comes to face me she acts so cowardly, like the time she erased my memory or when she tried again but she couldn’t, in that time she had no choice but to face me because she couldn’t erased it”
“I declare myself guilty for that first one erased of memory, we influence that” she said apologetically
“You know, I understand she have fears, which I don’t know what are because she doesn’t talk with me, but I understand she have, but still it isn’t an excuse to disappear from my life like that” I said stopping my step and standing in front of Yuka “I mean, first, my life changed because two crazy vampires fight basically for me, Rena because wanted to protect me and Airin because wanted to kill me, then Rena declares her love for me, and when I though everything would be better I make the mistake of going with Airin, I accept my guilt there, still, when more I need Rena she disappears just how she appeared”
Yuka looked at me with an astonished smile and a few seconds later began to clap
“Wow! you have clear your ideas, listen JuriPup, when Rena come to talk to you, let her speak first, I don’t think she will take more time to come, after all she had been separated from you for all this month after spending 18 years at your side, she must feel lonely”
“Okay…” I replied as I had nothing else to say, to be honest I will going to let Rena talk first… after reclaim her, of course, but listening to Yuka, I think I’ll let her speak first after all.
“Good girl” She said as she gave me pats on the head, perhaps she seriously sees me as a pet?… “See you later pup” She said and left the place, after listening how she calls me “Pup” I felt she really sees me like a pet…
After that conversation with Yuka days continued passing and I didn’t have news about Rena… two weeks more passed…
“I’ll go do my homework” I told my parents as I went to my room, but once I was in the door I saw a figure standing at the window, a figure I knew well, her long hair blowing through the gentle breeze that came through the open window “Rena…” I whispered as I approached her to see if it was really her, but it wasn’t necessary to get too close, I took just a couple of steps and she turned to me, it was really her…
“Hi…” she said softly as she took a few steps back, seeing her action, I stopped my progress towards her
“Why are you here?” I asked coldly at see how she took those steps back, at see that bothered me, more than a month to her to finally come to see me and the first thing she did was get away?
“I was expecting something like that” she whispered with a sad smile “I thought a lot about what happened” Rena started talking “Jurina… for more that I love you, I can only bring you misfortunes, we are so different, our worlds are and I don’t want… I don’t want to hurt you again… maybe now you hate me or fear me… so I decided to get away from you”
“That’s all?” I asked frustrated and watching her straight in the eye
“I think… I think it’s the best I can do, I will not bother you again” she said after a few seconds
“And that’s it? that's all you will say?” I asked even more frustrated, trying to keep my voice as low as possible so that my parents wouldn’t hear me
“Yes…” She replied in a whisper and turned facing the window again, but before she could take a step I walked as fast as I could to her, before I could reach her she turned watching me surprised, I took her arm and watched her in the eyes
“Listen to me stupid vampire” I said holding my desire to shout “Use your stupid strength and speed to carry me and take us to a place away from here where we can talk better” I ordered firmly
Rena had expression of not understanding what was happening, but obeyed my words, she picked me up and jumped out the window, with great speed ran as I hugged her, I missed the feeling of having her so close to me, breathing her scent… but I was still angry with her.
After a few minutes she stopped at a small park, left me on the floor and stood in front of me waiting for me to say something, but I said nothing, I approached her and with all the strength I could muster I slapped her, for the loud sound it make the slap I could knew it was strong, but I didn’t care, I know I didn’t do nothing to her… but Rena groaned and saw me surprised as covered with her hand where I had hit her.
“It hurt you? hmmm?” I asked angry, as I lifted my voice, after saw that she didn't say anything I continue talking “Now that I hear all the nonsense that you just say is my turn to talk” I said as I came more closer to her “You think you can appear in my life, make me fall in love with you and then just come to tell me that you’re too dangerous to be with me?” for every step I took she backed one, her surprised expression at see me how I was talking to her, says me how scared was “ You think so much about me that you don’t stop a second to think about yourself, you think so much about what I could think that you don’t let me say what I really think!!” I yelled frustrated “You can’t understand that I doesn’t care if you’re a stupid monster who goes crazy when you’re hungry? I don’t care if you are a dangerous being that can harm me anytime!”
Rena had stopped to go back as she ran into a tree at her back that prevented her, I was a few centimeters from her face
“I don’t care how dark it can be your past, or can be your vampire self” I said in a calmer way as I took her face with my hands “I don’t care because I know you wouldn’t hurt me intentionally, because I know, although the situation gets too bad, you will find the way to stop you like you did that time… I know because I know how much you love me, how much you supported holding all those years following me in the shadows without even being able to be close to me, all that for the love you have for me”
Without thinking more, I gave in to my urge to kiss her, after all this month I needed her, I wanted her… but more than anything, I wanted to show her how much I loved her, that I wasn’t afraid of her, just as she felt the same, she kissed me too
———————
I had never seen Jurina so angry, raising her voice so high, the slap I got hurt a lot, although we’re very strong and endure wounds of almost any type, the pain we felt is like a normal person, the way she told she didn’t care what I was, made my doubts disappear, the way she said how much she loved me made me happy, and that kiss, showed me that she feel the same I feel.
“Do you understand? you don’t need to run away from me, stay with me please… I don’t want to think about a world without you” she said as she hugged me, I felt tears cross my blouse wetting it gradually “I know you understand that stay this month away from you was a torture…”
“It was…” I replied in a whisper, circling her body with my arms forming a hug “Are you sure to go ahead with this?” I asked still hesitantly
“After everything I said you still have doubts? Rena, trust me” She said as she separated from my hug and watched me with reproachfully eyes
“It’s not as if I don’t trust you… I don’t trust me…” who should answer that question should be me…
“Rena… Mieko told me that you were afraid because of something that happened earlier… can you tell me? maybe I can help you”
Her question took me by surprise, but maybe she was right… my fear comes from that incident… it was a good time to tell her…
“Then… I will tell you…” I said as I watched the black sky
When Airin left me to my fate, I avoided approaching people, I knew that sooner or later I would have to drink blood from them, but what I knew about to be a vampire? I just knew what I had read in books, or what I had heard among people.
But one thing was clear, vampires kills humans and drank their blood, they only existed for that, the only way to kill them would be a stake through the heart or sunlight
I was so wrong to believe that, how wrong were those who had said those things.
The sun doesn’t kill us, and kill us with help of a stake through the heart? we doesn’t have one beating… and drink human blood, yes, we need blood, but don’t necessarily need to kill the person. Another legend that was said was that bite a human and let them live it would became them vampires, but that’s another lie, to transform a human must be under certain circumstances, to bite them an let them live don’t harm them, you only must delete the memory of the person and they can continue their normal life.
I didn’t know all that, I didn’t know what happened if we didn’t drink blood, for us that is the source of our energy, and yet I denied my body to have it, with the passing of the days I was losing weight, my appearance was changed to one mere skeletal, I began to be mentally unstable, hallucinating things… was when I met Yuka and Mieko, no… they found me
They give me a place to stay and were concerned about me, they told me that they saw in me a daughter, I gave them the urgency to protect me and so they did. But I didn’t know what to think, to me all vampires were evil, I didn’t trust them, and although they offered me blood I refused, even trying to explain me that I needed it I refused to drink it.
The days continued to advance until I reach my limit, what happened after that I could know thanks to two versions, which were the one of newspapers had and what Yuka told me.
When a vampire reaches his limits, attacks every living thing that gets in their way, regardless of anything and not caring if he kills or not, I had reached that limit and started to attack people.
When I regained consciousness I was in a bed, Yuka and Mieko were on my side, both with serious expressions, but in their eyes I could felt the sorry they felt for me
“If you don’t drink blood, it passes what happened, we wanted to avoid it but you wouldn’t listen…”
That was all I was told at that moment, by my side I had a lot of newspapers from around the country with bloody headlines, in short, a slaughter had happened, dozens of people had been attacked by something, didn’t know whether an animal or a person was the murderer, peoples bodies completely drained, not a drop of blood on them, broken necks, decapitated, mutilated…
Yuka didn’t deny these facts, but not all of those people had been killed in that way, they hid what actually happened.
I killed 7 persons, but the rest were just people who were in the wrong place and time, Yuka tried to stop me, but she was unable to, she had to fight agains me and in the fight many people were injured, about things that were launching or we broke, we cause an uproar and damage, even I caused great injuries in Yuka…
“Even now I don’t remember anything about that… just like I don’t remember when I attacked you, I just remember from the time I realized that I was hurting you” I finished my story, Jurina watched me with sympathetic eyes and hugged me tenderly
“You already said that you stopped, at least with me, what happened was due to special circumstances, on both occasions… ignorance was the cause of the first and the second the fight with Airin” Jurina said with sympathetic voice
“Still…”
“Stop blaming yourself, it isn’t your fault, I’ll see that never happen that again, I keep abreast of your meals” she said with a smile on her face “If is necessary to donate blood I will do it gladly, that because I imagine you will not want to take it direct from my neck” she continued saying with a smile
“No thanks” I replied in disgust “I don’t like the smell of your blood”
“What? but you seem to like it a lot earlier” Jurina said offended
“I think it was just by the circumstance, you were the only living thing nearby, then I guess I didn’t care or know how your blood smelled… maybe that was why I stopped…” I said mockingly
“Yeah! seems you feel more lively now, you are annoying me already” She smiled, and she was right… Talk with Jurina about all this made me feel better and more secure in our relationship “So… you will be with me forever?”
“Forever…” I replied with a smile…
But beneath that smile I was hiding another fear… “Forever”… Jurina doesn’t have a “forever” how long shall I be with her? how long I will can protect her? human life is so fragile and change from one moment to another so fast… Jurina is human, her life is limited… but mine isn’t… I’m afraid to be alone now that I know her and we love each other… I’m afraid of that moment when Jurina life will ends…