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Author Topic: Gegenschein [Ch.18: Open] - 16/5  (Read 67211 times)

Offline KonaKaga

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Re: [Fic of the Month!] / Gegenschein [Ch.3: Day]
« Reply #40 on: July 06, 2008, 05:18:31 PM »
XD Sayu's a bit grumpy with her hangover, but she can't angry at Risa for being happy, it's her disposition! Wonder what Eri's going to be like when she wakes up :w00t:

So it was Ai, I can't wait to see how she interacts with other characters!
I'll be waiting  :D


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Offline poets

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Re: [Fic of the Month!] / Gegenschein [Ch.3: Day]
« Reply #41 on: July 06, 2008, 06:19:05 PM »
Good chapter, I liked it lots.

Quote
She paused, thinking, before she shuddered. "On second thoughts, it's a good thing you didn't tell them." She closed her eyes. "I don't enjoy being dipped headfirst into a vat of cold water."
I might be looking to much into this (or not) but I think we can expect something special from Sayu. Besides this odd piece of information we also the curious observation Reina did about her smell.

Quote
The convenient thing about the 21st century and all its technological gimmicks was that it enabled her to keep in contact with the one person that mattered to her for the last half eon or so. Pure white teeth flashed in an even, gleaming row as she grinned at the message, complete with pictures and amusing anecdotes, from her child who was at present about halfway across the globe from her, and having a lot of fun making things and people explode, as it were.
HER CHILD!?!?!?!?! :stoned:

Quote
unfortunate incident up in the old Soviet Union when she had been rather rudely awakened from a 20 year nap.
:on lol: Now THAT's a story I'm looking forward to reading on

Quote
We learn, or we die. Someone had told her that, once, at a time when the world was still young and fresh as she herself was. We adapt, even if we do not change
Hmm, who was Ai's master (and Reina's at that)  :dunno:
 
So basically, those are my speculations to date. Now things I found cool is that Ai is about or over 1000 y/o and a forensic investigator. 

*waits for next chapter now*
Rika <3 So funneh

Offline strawb3rrykream

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Re: [Fic of the Month!] / Gegenschein [Ch.3: Day]
« Reply #42 on: July 06, 2008, 08:55:01 PM »
Yeah, Ichigo-chan is fine with me. :lol:
I was so happy to see that you won! And that they was an update!!!!!!
I love how Gaki is still so damn perky in the morning, even if she got slightly intoxicated the night before! And hungover Sayu sounds pretty funny-looking. Poor Eri, still passed out. I wanna know about the dunking head in water business that goes on at Sayu's house. When I read that Ai-chan was Seirei, I literally shrieked several times out loud! XD That's why Gaki was staring at her....cuz she's so hot! :D
Ok, I'll continue this later. The parentals are forcing me to leave the house to go visit the.....grandparentals? XD

Ai-chan has a kid?! I wonder who it is. So Ai-chan is a fairly humanlike vampire. She's not too violent and prefers not to cause trouble. Where does she get her blood if she hasn't killed anyone lately? Ohhhh, so it was Ai-chan's voice that was freaking Reina out the day before? She knew there was a novice and she didn't want her to cause trouble. I think I'm getting most of what's going on. But there is still so much to find out.
« Last Edit: July 07, 2008, 12:25:59 AM by strawb3rrykream »

Offline peti-chan

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Re: [Fic of the Month!] / Gegenschein [Ch.3: Day]
« Reply #43 on: July 08, 2008, 10:25:48 AM »
Hungover, huh? :mon misch: Only Gaki still in her high spirit like always  XD So Seirei is Ai-chan! :w00t: Yay ~ *squeals* No wonder that Reina and Gaki were mesmerized by her presence :twisted: Can't wait for her interactions with others :kekeke:

Offline JFC

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Re: [Fic of the Month!] / Gegenschein [Ch.3: Day]
« Reply #44 on: July 09, 2008, 06:25:32 AM »
Oh Sayu, almost always good for a few chuckles. :lol:


So Seirei is Aichan, eh? The fact that she can take sunlight (to paraphrase what you said, in "certain doses"), as well as the fact that she has a child (which made me go :mon wtf: when I read it), it makes me think that Aichan is actually a dhamphir.
:kekeke:


Now, considering that you said that "Aichan's child" wrote and said she was having fun blowing stuff up, does that mean the child has powers too, or is she just a pyro? XD
Oh, an how AWESOME would it be if the child was Miki? ROLFZ!

JPH!P :heart:'s kuro808, Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline Estrea

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Re: [Fic of the Month!] / Gegenschein [Ch.3: Day]
« Reply #45 on: July 20, 2008, 07:50:28 AM »
I'm back~ Wow, fewer comments than before. Well, no matter, the show must go on, and it does make replying to comments a little easier...XD

KonaKaga: Unfortunately we won't get to see Eri's awakening. You'll see why. But I hope the chapter won't disappoint anyway. :3

poets: -snickers- I knew everyone would go catatonic over that word. Fun times, yo. And yes, Aichan has had a very colorful past, some of which might even come back to haunt her. :P Just wait and see. >D

Ichigo-chan: We'll get to Sayu's family in good time. Right now you get to see Eri's family first. :P Aichan's an interesting vampire, that's for sure. You will see how other vampires view her, eventually. So many interesting things to consider...>D

peti-chan: Yeah can't take our eyes off Aichan. She's hot, what can I say? Unfortunately, she's not present in this chapter. Not yet, anyway. Her role will be...limited, for a while. XD

JFC: I'm having a lot of fun with Sayu, can you tell? XD As for Aichan's status, well, that'll be explained in the future. As for the burning question of "who the hell is Aichan's CHILD?!", well, just wait and see. >D


Ok, time to post the longawaited (?) chapter!

永遠に咲き続ける花なんていない、すべてはいずれ枯れて朽ち果てしまう。

Currently writing:
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On Hold:
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Offline Estrea

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Re: [Fic of the Month!] / Gegenschein [Ch.3: Day]
« Reply #46 on: July 20, 2008, 07:54:52 AM »
Chapter 4 - Wake


The dead sleep.

In mortuaries and graveyards, they sleep. In the rest from which there is no waking, they sleep.

In the bright sun, light cavorting overhead, they sleep. They do not wake. They aren't supposed to. The day belongs to the living.

The dead sleep. What was it like to sleep like the dead?

One doesn't find out until they are dead. By then, it no longer matters, save to some. It doesn't matter.

She knows what it is like to sleep like the dead. After all, you have to be dead to try it.

And she is, after all, dead. Not dead and not alive. The twilight in between.

She sleeps like the dead. In the day, a corpse in its own right. And by night?

The dead no longer sleep. Not all of them. No longer.

Not anymore.

~*~*~

"How is it that, less than 3 hours ago, you were still all washed out from last night, but now you're perfectly fine?" A voice asked in exasperation, before taking a sip from her drink. The gaudy plastic cup in her hand stood out starkly against the rest of her, all tacky decoration and childish art. It was loud, obnoxiously so. So glaringly strange against her more muted, conservative getup.

Then again, this was an amusement park, or what was left of one. What a pair of college age girls were doing in a rundown entertainment center decades past its time was beyond anyone's guess, at least at a casual glance.

Or perhaps not. There were always other teens, up to their own activities that were less than sanctioned by parental authority; here and there street urchins peeked out from behind worn out tires and rusted barrels, chains clinking as overfed rats scrabbled over them, playing their own games amidst the bright fluorescent and glowing neon.

"I recover fast, my dear dear friend." The one dressed in a combination of pink, white and black flashed a peace sign alongside that megawatt smile that easily beat out the worn old bulbs struggling to maintain their luminiscence in spite of their advancing age. Others had long since given up the battle, appearing a dull, dusty red or green or blue, bereft of illumination.

"Whatever you say, Sayu." The other sighed, looking around the tired old amusement park. The place looked like it had been there for decades, practically rooted to the greens it stood upon. One could not think of these fairgrounds without linking it to this place. It was as if one was synonymous with the other by now.

Inseparable. She knew what that thought triggered, but glanced around involuntarily all the same. One missing from the merry trio. The three musketeers. The...whatever other trio that was out there. Not here.

And it was...strange. She shook her head, continuing to take in her surroundings. It looked more...dilapidated, somehow, even more so in the receding glow of daylight. She had been here before, some years back, at night, and it had looked...different. Perhaps it was the night that hid the ruin, the rust and decay from young, energetic eyes eager for the bright lights and fun rides.

A sneaky move to intercept the fat straw of her drink jolted her out of her thoughts. Reflexively, she jerked away, leaving a pouting Sayumi grasping air with her pursed lips.

"Why so serious, Gaki-san?" Sayumi grinned impudently at the somber non-expression that the other had just sported seconds ago, which was now a mask of disapproval directed at the younger. "Let's put a smile on that face~"

"You're almost 20, Sayu. Grow up a little." Risa sighed as her face was once again unnaturally stretched out, courtesy of Sayumi's hands pulling at her cheeks. Briefly, she wondered why she ever told them about how she felt no pain when her cheeks were pinched. It was like giving them the license to pinch it whenever possible, just to try and elicit a reaction (in Sayumi's case), or just marvel at it (Eri).

"And did you just quote someone...?" Risa raised an eyebrow as the younger released her, still cackling in childish glee. The self proclaimed ichiban kawaii cocked her head to the side, arm still linked with the older girl's as she replied.

"Why, don't you ever read DC comics?" She tapped her chin. "Oh yeah, I forgot that you like Crayon Shin-chan instead~"

Risa flushed, mentally cursing Eri for uncovering her secret stash of old manga under her bed. She just knew that the devil next to her wouldn't just let her off so easily after finding out about something like that.

Lights danced in Sayumi's dark eyes, twin orbs rolling around with lively energy and sly anticipation. Risa, anxious to cut off the teasing before it really started, quickly started on another thread of conversation, hoping to divert the attention off herself.

"Why are we here again? You said something about Kame being here, but you never said why." To tell the truth, that was something Risa was definitely curious about. There were still so many things she didn't know about Eri, who was arguably her closest friend at the university.

Granted, they hadn't known other for as long as Sayu and Eri had (Since forever! Sayumi had piped up when asked for the first time). Even this city itself was still relatively new to her, having just moved in here only 2 years ago. Her little family unit moved around a lot, since her father often traveled for work, and tended to bring them along whenever there was a change in his base of operations. As a result, she had never really stayed in a place longer than 3 or 4 years at most.

Sometimes she wondered if having a permanent place to call home would be nicer. Better than a semi-nomadic existence, certainly.

"Ah ah ah~ You're woolgathering again, Gaki-saaaaaaaaan~" Sayumi tugged at Risa's sleeve, trying to get her attention. Risa smiled weakly.

"Sorry, I think I didn't get enough sleep from last night. It's starting to kick in..." She apologized sheepishly, tugging at the strands of her long hair. Sayumi patted her arm sympathetically, seeming to settle into a less hyper mode. Risa was always amazed by how easily the younger girl shifted between her moods. It was as if there had been no difference between how she was acting before and after, even if the gulf had been so very wide.

"Eririn's mom works here, and she wanted Eri to come here today. That's why she bolted so fast earlier." Sayumi said easily with the familiarity of an old friend. Risa couldn't help but feel a twitch of envy at how easily the knowledge came to the younger girl. She wondered how long it would take for her to achieve the same level of awareness, assuming she could stay long enough to.

Shaking the minute melancholy away, Risa smiled faintly as she glanced around again. "And what would she be doing here?" Somehow, she couldn't quite imagine Eri's mother working as a attendant for any of the rides. Maybe manning some of the booths? She was still pondering the possibilities as Sayumi replied.

"Oh, she runs one of the attractions." The younger girl smiled mysteriously, lips quirking strangely with some hidden joke. "You'll see."

"Mou, tell me!" Risa pouted, nudging Sayumi playfully in the side, but her junior laughingly avoided all attempts to weasel the truth out of her. They were still horsing around randomly until Sayumi suddenly blurted.

"And here we are!"

Risa stopped. Looked. And just stared, struck speechless.

Sayumi giggled at her stunned senpai, tugging at her arm to drag her in.

"Time to get our fortunes told~"

~*~*~

Sunset.

A pair of eyes popped open, burning a fiery red. They pierced the musty darkness, an unearthy glow pushing back the creeping shadows. They blinked, and the glow subsided. The darkness returned, or remained, but it was no impediment to the sole occupant of the cellar. There was no darkness for a vampire.

The abrupt shift from the death-sleep to consciousness was jarring as always, and she continued to stare, unblinkingly, at the faint tracery of brick underneath peeling paint. Noted the crumbling mortar, the flecks of dust and sand floating suspended in still air.

The scent of water, not so far away. Caked dirt, dried lizard droppings. Water lapping against cold stone, ebb and flow, splashing. An industrious spider, playing the trapeze artist. She exhaled. Watched the dust stir, air moist against dead flesh. Not cold. Not hot either. Temperature no longer bore meaning for her.

It was always thus, upon waking. Connecting back to reality, the mind having to realize, night after night, that it is not dead. Her own body, stone cold and stiff with the touch of death. Rigor mortis, was it?

No matter. She turned inward, reasserting control over her body. Commanded a finger to move. After a moment's hesitation, it did.

It relieved her. It was a continual worry that one day, she would find that her undead body would no longer respond to her conscious mind. That the whole experience had been some freaky out-of-body incident. Except that she was never out of it. Not literally, anyway.

She sat up, flexing her fingers, rotated her head on her neck. A smile, as she realized what had been missing for a while.

No rats. Not since the first few nights since she had taken up residence in here. Rats might not be rocket geniuses, but they were pretty good at survival. Sharing a space with a bloodsucking predator was hardly conducive towards their little rodent lives, and the resident rat population had vacated the area in record time after the change in tenancy.

She sat still for a long minute, silent as the grave, registering everything around her through her enhanced senses. Waited, too, for the last dregs of sunlight to be completely gone. She had no desire to be caught in the sun, even for a few seconds. Sunburns were bad enough when she was human; it was lethal as a vampire.

When she did move, sliding off moldering crates that had been serving as a bed of sorts, there was nary a creak, nor even a whisper of dust on dust. It was fluid, sinuous, inhuman. The spider swung the other way, disappearing through a crack. No living creature with any sense would linger in the company of a predator unveiled.

Unmoving, she could almost pass as one more shadow in that abandoned cellar. Here was the true face of the hunter, not so much cloaked in shadow as being one with it. The silent predator, ready to strike. The aura of danger hung heavy in the air. Even the roaches scrambled away, eager to escape.

She shifted, dampening her movements, her vampiric presence, and became...Reina again. Almost.

No longer human, merely pretending to be one. If it were the wolf in sheep's clothing that had to be feared, what of one draped in human skin?

I am the wolf in shepherd's clothing. Her grin was pointed. And tonight, I hunt bigger game.

Tonight, the sheep could sleep well until dawn returned as their shield. Tonight, Reina had other plans.

Time to get busy.

~*~*~

"...we have Tarot, crystal ball and tea leaf readings. Which system would you prefer?" A warmly cheery voice chirped on, only to be greeted with that same disbelieving silence that had remained so ever since the pair had been seated.

"Psst. Say something!" Another low voice hissed, punctuated by a harsh poke in the arm. Risa jumped, finally getting with the program.

"Um..." Was all she could think of saying, which wasn't very productive at all, unfortunately. Next to her, Sayumi rolled her eyes upward and sighed theaterically.

"Oh dear lord, why are you so shy around other people? You do a perfectly fine job of being loud when it was just us." Sayumi waved her hand around, before her finger finally settled on the benign-looking lady seated across from them at the table.

"It's just Eri's mother, for god's sake. Not some creepy stranger trying to sell you life insurance or cheat you of your life savings. I hope you don't mind, obaa-san." She addressed the woman, now revealed as Eri's mother. "Gaki-san's mind just crashed, it probably just has to reboot now."

"Do you think we have to reformat it too?" Another voice cut in, also obviously amused. Sayumi grinned proudly at her best friend, who was standing behind her mother.

"Finally! A joke that makes sense! I'm so proud of you, Eririn~" The devil girl shared a mutual grin with the older woman seated across from her as Eri pouted.

"My jokes make sense!" Warm laughter reverbrated around the little pavilion.

"Eri, I gave birth to you, and I know you best. Few of your jokes ever make sense." The woman smiled. "We just find it funny because we love you."

"Mom!" Sayumi smirked and gave two thumbs up to Eri's mother, who winked back in response, before adding. "I'm sure your friends agree." Her penetrating gaze swept over the still catatonic Risa and gleeful Sayu. "And as friends to my beloved baby, I would like you to call me Yuriko. Obaa-san makes me feel old."

"I'm not a baby!" Eri pouted again, and this time Risa recovered enough to join in the teasing.

"You're not acting like you're not." Risa jabbed playfully, regaining enough of her mental faculties to find it in herself to taunt everyone's favorite turtle. Eri frowned at the sentence, puzzling her way through it, even as Sayu mock-winced.

"Oooh, too many negatives~" She dramatically made signs to ward off evil. "Away with you, sentence-mutiliating creature!"

It was to Risa's credit that she was able to appear completely composed as she commented, looking right at Yuriko, who was smiling at the children's antics.

"It's awfully difficult to babysit both of them, isn't it?" Risa said conversationally to the older woman, whose smile grew wider.

"Oh, you should have seen them as children. Absolute terrors, both of them. Lovable little rascals." Yuriko recounted fondly, even as both Eri and Sayumi paused to stare at the exchange, temporarily unable to think of anything meaningful to say.

"I'm sorry to have missed it then." Risa noted with genuine regret. Yuriko reached over the table and patted her hand comfortingly.

"Don't worry, there are always the photos." Amazingly, neither had cracked so much as a smile yet. Meanwhile, the pair being discussed at the moment paled, mortified by the turn of the conversation.

"Mom!" and "Yuriko-obaasan!" rang out at the exact same time, horrified expressions covering both girls' face. Risa snickered. "Gotcha."

Eri turned puppy eyes at Risa. "You wouldn't really do that to us, would you?"

"Depends." Risa quickly avoided that deadly gaze. The Gorgon only turned people to stone. Eri's puppy eyes turned them to liquid mush. Risa much preferred her brains intact and functioning, thank you very much.

Yuriko chuckled again, clapping her hands and rubbing them together in anticipation. "Well now girls, I believe we were interrupted from a fortune reading." She paused, looking at Risa. "Risa-chan, was it? Would you still like a reading?"

"Um." Risa got stuck again, wanting to find the right words to phrase the burning question in her mind, so as not to offend her friend's mother. "Well, that is..."

"You don't believe in things like this, do you?" Yuriko said knowingly, and Risa flushed, caught out. Yuriko smiled, putting away her 'tools' and clearing the area between her and the girls.

"I don't blame you. Mysticism doesn't have much of a place in the modern world. It's all just brushed off as superstitious nonsense now." The lady, her middle years now showing in the subtle tracery of wrinkles as she smiled, a note of sadness coloring her words.

"I believe you though, Yuriko-obaasan." Sayumi said firmly, no jest in her tone. Yuriko smiled warmly at the youngest of the trio.

"Of course you would." There was an impish grin edging those thin lips. Sayu grinned back, eyes alight again with that rolling spark of poorly concealed amusement. Eri was giggling as well. Risa couldn't help but feel like she was missing out on something.

"You should let her try though, Gaki-san. She's not a fake." Sayumi turned to Risa earnestly. "Besides, it's not like it's going to cost you anything. Right, Yuriko-obaasan?"

"Oh I wouldn't know, times are too hard for me to work for free..." Sayu looked mildly ashamed of herself, at least until she noticed the jovial twinkle in Yuriko's eye. Eri, who already knew what her mother would do, was already ssexy beasting behind her hands.

"I was just joking, my dear. Anyone who takes care of my little Eri deserves a free reading should they wish it." Yuriko's eyes shone with an intensity that had unnerved Risa ever since she first stepped in. Clear eyes, with hidden depths. Risa wondered what the woman really saw.

"Besides, I believe I still owe you for chaperoning Eri from the party last night." An immediate silence followed these words, and the trio passed startled glances among each other. Eri shook her head vigorously from behind her mother, waving her hands frantically to mean that she hadn't said anything.

"I told you I can see these things." Yuriko, completely unruffled, still maintaining that kindly maternal exterior, helped to put Risa at ease, even though the girl still felt a prickling to her instincts.

Sayu flicked a quick look at Risa, who caught it reflexively. You can trust her, those eyes said. Wordless communication between her and Sayu wasn't the best, but the universal sisterhood of all women generally made it slightly easier to read these things. She relaxed, calming herself.

"Um, ok." Her voice did not reflect her enforced calm, the lack of certainty showing in her wavering agreement. Yuriko smiled kindly at her, though her eyes never lost that piercing quality that appeared to look straight into her soul.

Despite herself, Risa trembled. Did she really want to know what lay ahead for her?

"Do I need to, um, pick anything?" Risa asked, blinking rapidly to get some moisture into her widened eyes. Yuriko shook her head.

"No, all that's just for amateurs to play with. It's just for show." She smiled ironically. "People these days need a more visual statement for the workings of destiny."

"It's probably television's fault." Sayumi noted clinically, and she shared a look of understanding with Yuriko. Eri stood silent, watching quietly while one hand toyed with the chains of the pendant hidden underneath her clothes. Her eyes had taken on the same fathomless depths that Risa had rarely seen in her usually goofy friend.

What have I gotten myself into? She smiled nervously, feet shifting underneath the table to hide her growing unease.

"Relax, I'm not going to hurt you." The voice was soothing, and Risa exhaled, trying to release the tension from her muscles. Next to her, Sayumi gave her a comforting squeeze on the arm, before moving away, careful to make no physical contact with her.

"Now, give me your hand, and we can get started." Risa gulped, and reached out slowly. Her breathing became shallow, before she remembered enough of her father's teachings to fall back on a deeper, meditative kind of breathing. Oddly, that was all she really needed.

Her mind cleared, and when she spoke, she had no conscious memory of manipulating her lips to form the words.

"I'm ready."

===============================


So I watched the Dark Knight on Friday. Does it show? :D

Enjoy.

永遠に咲き続ける花なんていない、すべてはいずれ枯れて朽ち果てしまう。

Currently writing:
- Lilium-related things. God save my soul.

On Hold:
- Everything Else. Too many to list.

I'm also on AO3!
http://archiveofourown.org/users/Estrea

Offline strawb3rrykream

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Re: [Fic of the Month!] / Gegenschein [Ch.4: Wake]
« Reply #47 on: July 20, 2008, 08:09:36 AM »
Interesting opening.
So Eri's mom's a fortune teller? And it really seems like she can see the future. Scary.... :lol: But she sounds like a really nice lady!!! I wanna know what Sayu and Eri were like as kids! Sounds cute!! It probably won't fit in your story, though. I wonder if Eri can do something similar then, because of the same look in her eyes.
And Reina. She just lays low during the day, huh? Sleeping but not really. Dead but not really. Can her body really stop responding to her mind, even if she's a vampire? Or is she just being paranoid?
More Ai-chan!!!!

Offline poets

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Re: [Fic of the Month!] / Gegenschein [Ch.4: Wake]
« Reply #48 on: July 20, 2008, 09:54:32 PM »
Damn you~ you're such a tease sometimes!  :banghead: cutting it off right there... on purpose! *sighs* w/e *sits on floor and pouts* I'll just wait.... here... on the floor... mad! 

GakiXShige were really cute at the beginning <3

Eri's family is into that kind of stuff... hmmm.... I've been wondering where the vampire hunter is going to emerge from (considering if one emerges, which I think will. You don't have vampires and not have some kind of vampire hunter)

And now all I keep thinking is "if there's going to be any kind of Tanakame romantic relationship it's gonna be really interesting"

P.S. The way you wrote Reina's part was *kisses the tips of her finger a la Italiano* Bellissimo
Rika <3 So funneh

Offline takagakifan

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Re: [Fic of the Month!] / Gegenschein [Ch.4: Wake]
« Reply #49 on: July 20, 2008, 10:35:18 PM »
Quote
"Why so serious, Gaki-san?" Sayumi grinned impudently at the somber non-expression that the other had just sported seconds ago, which was now a mask of disapproval directed at the younger. "Let's put a smile on that face~"

HAHA i just saw the movie yesterday
No one on the corner got swagga like us!

Offline JFC

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Re: [Fic of the Month!] / Gegenschein [Ch.4: Wake]
« Reply #50 on: July 21, 2008, 12:12:03 AM »
Eri's mom's cool. :thumbsup

Can't help but wonder though what she's doing in a run-down amusement park. If she is indeed the real deal, she could probably set up a little shop for herself in town and do well for herself.


Ok, just what IS the deal with Sayu and that little "inside joke" she and Eri's mom shared?


Also,
Quote
Risa gulped, and reached out slowly. Her breathing became shallow, before she remembered enough of her father's teachings to fall back on a deeper, meditative kind of breathing.

now I'm wondering what the deal is with Risa's dad (like, what does/did he do, and how was it that he taught these breathing exercises to her)?

JPH!P :heart:'s kuro808, Fushigidane, ChrNo, Jab & marimari. Always.

Offline Grisours

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Re: [Fic of the Month!] / Gegenschein [Ch.4: Wake]
« Reply #51 on: July 21, 2008, 03:23:10 AM »
Eri's mom sure is interesting. I so wanna know what she'll say to Risa... I bet is going to be important, or true, or something meaningful like that  :D
And Reina... well, she sure is on the mood for a hunt...
keep it up!  :grin:

Offline Sukoshi

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Re: [Fic of the Month!] / Gegenschein [Ch.4: Wake]
« Reply #52 on: July 21, 2008, 03:28:27 AM »
ah that was a nice chapter...I like how it appears all normal but you get the feeling that something horrible is about to happen...I guess the run down amusement park has that kind of horror movie vibe...though of course Reina's awakening certainly did heighten the feeling.

hmm...so is Gaki like the only normal one in this story?  Because so far it seems Sayu has her sixth sense powers, Eri's mom can see things...and well Eri seems normal but that just can't be the case, I mean she's Eri, right? XD  Oh wait..I forgot about the ending bit where Eri's eyes changed...okay, so she has powers too  :heart:  So yeah...I'm certainly curious about Gaki san.

Offline Regent

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Re: [Fic of the Month!] / Gegenschein [Ch.4: Wake]
« Reply #53 on: July 21, 2008, 03:30:13 AM »


Your descriptive skills are just great; I've been meaning to delurk and say that for some time. Not only do you thoroughly describe the scene, you capture my attention and draw me in by doing it in an interesting way. For me, this is hard to get across to someone who is not familiar with the concept, but it really seperates decent stories from great ones.

The interaction between the "Three Muskateers" continues to be really fun, and you're doing a good job in consistently portraying their personalities. The hints about Risa's family and past (family moving around a lot for her father's work, the breathing exercises he taught her) have me curious too.

I enjoyed the glimpse of Reina's thought process when you described her waking up, but also you don't give away too much too soon. The vamp characters have a real aura of mystery about them- which is fitting.

This chapter continues to draw me further in, I get a definite sense of forboding from the atmosphere of the park. It just feels like the "calm before the storm," something is definitely building. Looking forward to the next chapter!

Offline lollipopgirl

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Re: [Fic of the Month!] / Gegenschein [Ch.4: Wake]
« Reply #54 on: July 21, 2008, 03:45:07 AM »
I don't like that run-down amusement park... it's scary! :scared: Give me a vampire's lair any day :P

I feel sorry for Gaki-san, she seems like she tries so hard to fit in with Sayu and Kame at times but she just can't match their weirdness... Damn being normal, damn it to hell!

 :mon bat: Hungry, awake and red-eyed vampire Reina is sexy  :drool: But then again, I'm weird.

I'm sorry, I can't remember what else I was gonna say  :doh: but seeing you were hoping for this reaction AI-CHAN HAS A CHILD!!!!! :mon closeup:

Warning - while you were typing 3 new replies have been posted. You may wish to review your post.
 :mon freeze: Holy crap!!!

Offline rokun

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Re: [Fic of the Month!] / Gegenschein [Ch.4: Wake]
« Reply #55 on: July 22, 2008, 10:05:06 PM »
AH! I never thought I'd say this to you, but that was too short!! XD It's like a prologue to the real story, where nothing actually happens in itself... lol.

As for what I want to say, hmm. I hope you'll bear with me. You know I'm strange and go with my impressions of things more than actual fact, but I think your story is descriptive and deep enough that it might not work too badly on it.

So okay, we have mainly vampires Aichan and Reina so far. And then we have your "three musketeers" (which btw, I challenge you to think up a different "trio name" to call them each time you mention it ;)): Gaki, Kamei, and Shige. Aichan and Reina we don't know a whole lot about yet, and the story really isn't focusing on them too terribly much. We know Aichan has connections apparently throughout the world, such as with her "child" blowing up stuff (the rest of you do realize what I imagine she means about "child", right? :mon sweat: like with respect to other vampire stories...). Speaking of, she's not like blowing up stuff over in the mideast somewhere, is she? Cause that would be awesome... though a potentially risky storyline. She's also been alive for millennia, so she's bound to have made some friends in that time (as well as enemies I'm sure). She also seems to have made quite an impression on our dear Reina, who doesn't really seem to know who she is yet. It'll be interesting to see if she discovers it.

Now, as to the trio who seem most significant so far. Why are they significant? As others have pointed out, there seem to be hints at some kind of powers for Kamei and Shige. Why do I have this nagging feeling that Risa is going to be the truly exceptional one, though? Like I said, impressions... I have a feeling the genuine fortune she's going to be told will be quite interesting. You could have easily made Eri's mom just a regular fortune teller that may or may not be (most likely not be) the real thing, but made a point that she is. To me, it shows there's something that needs to be revealed. What I'm curious about is that it seems to be linked to Reina, since her little "waking" passage fell nicely in between parts of the tale of the musketeers. Also, like the vampires, she seems to be the mysterious character in this subdrama. It's especially intriguing because events involving them have mostly been from her point of view. So we think we should know most about her, no? But Sayu, Eri, we're starting to know what's up... we've gotten hints about what might be a little special about them... Gaki's the void atm. I'm looking forward to her next run-in with Aichan, or even Reina. Will it be significant enough to be foretold?

As you always tell me...: MOAR! :yep:

Offline poets

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Re: [Fic of the Month!] / Gegenschein [Ch.4: Wake]
« Reply #56 on: July 23, 2008, 02:19:02 AM »
Good points Rokun! Hadn't thought much on Gaki, so you pointing out was good.

"three musketeers" (which btw, I challenge you to think up a different "trio name" to call them each time you mention it ;)):

*Exclimation mark (!) pops over her head*
Got it!
*takes out paper and a pen. Scribbles "The Chipmunks" on it*
Muwahahah
*Folds it and sticks into an envelope. Mails it to the PM BOX of Estrea*
 :gmon bang:
 


Disclaimer: the previous was meant as a joke and not to be taken srs  :grin:
« Last Edit: July 23, 2008, 02:21:30 AM by poets »
Rika <3 So funneh

Offline peti-chan

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Re: [Fic of the Month!] / Gegenschein [Ch.4: Wake]
« Reply #57 on: July 29, 2008, 09:07:46 PM »

:mon bat: Hungry, awake and red-eyed vampire Reina is sexy  :drool: But then again, I'm weird.

Well, so I guess it means I'm also weird cos I have exactly the same opinion on this issue :lol:

I also can't wait to find out what role in the story play Eri, Sayu and Gaki(especially Gaki :roll: )Cause now everything is very mysterious about those three  :mon dunno: And I have to admit that I love our Morning Musume counterparts of Atos, Portos and Aramis in this story :lol:


Offline mads

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Re: Gegenschein [Ch.4: Wake]
« Reply #58 on: August 02, 2008, 09:41:36 AM »
I'm surprised to so a vampire story in here, just cause I'm reading "The Historian" at the moment.

Keep up the good work, cant wait to see the next chapter. You are definitely one of my favorite authors in here :0)

Offline kRisZ

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Re: Gegenschein [Ch.4: Wake]
« Reply #59 on: August 02, 2008, 05:44:37 PM »
me likes  the story a lot :yep:

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