^
I don't know if you mean for all this to be cute or if you really want to make them seem pathetic, LiLith, but I just feel that things are so wrong right now... they seem murderously in love >.< Is that what you really want us to feel? Lol...
Haha.
Yes, that's what I want you all to feel... But just right now. I'll fix it later... Hm... LOL I have to fix the problems I create
About Koha, she had to leave her family, give up on her dreams,... to live with Sayu. But now she has to live alone in that room for months. And when Sayu's back, she just stayed a little and leaves... What Koha did is surely wrong. But I feel sorry for her, more than hating... LOL since somehow, Koha's character here is based on my own character...
That's why I can understand her the most *evil laugh*
@Michi-chan:
Ya~~~y! I'm commenting here again
YAY!!!~~ You're commenting here again!! <3
Chapter 36
When I open my eyes, morning already came.
I take the phone on the table and turn it on. A lot of missed calls from Ai-chan. Now I have to make up a good reason and think about how to apologize everyone. Hope the work this morning is not too important.
I turn around and look at her face.
Last night, after all of that, she fell asleep right away. I intended to leave to arrive at the train station in time, but I couldn’t do that.
Wrapped in the blanket, she was sobbing and trembling uncontrollably, which was heartbreaking to see. When I thought about how lonely she had to stand in this room during the time, all my anger disappeared. She was right, I have everyone around me, but she doesn’t have anyone now but me. Her fear of being alone, I can understand.
“You are my slave.”
I knit my brows and close my eyes, trying to forget what happened last night. What she did, what she said, I have to forget.
“Sayumi…”
I turn to look at her. She was just mumbling. Her eyes are still closed. Suddenly, she nuzzles her head to my chest, and lets out some other mumbles.
I smile and gently stroke her hair. She looks just like an innocent kid now. I chose to love that kid, so I can’t regret or go back. I believe in her. Not now, but surely in the future, she will grow up. I have no choice but believe in her and wait for her. And I think I can handle that.
Slowly, gently, I let go of her. I place her head on the pillow and pull up the blanket. Then I get off the bed, take my clothes and make my way to the bathroom.
I was shock when I first saw myself in the mirror.
It’s not hard to see a lot of bite marks she left on my body. My neck, my shoulders, my stomach. Shoulders and stomach are not the problem, but, all these marks on my neck, I have to find a way to cover them up.
After some make-up, the marks almost disappear. I leave the bathroom and come near to the bed. All of sudden, the phone rings loudly. I quickly run to the table and turn it off in order not to wake her up. I turn back to look at her.
She is still sleeping.
All the noises I made, and even the sound of the cell phone, didn’t wake her up. She must be very tired.
[Koharu-chan, I’m sorry but I have to leave now. Don’t worry, I’ll return home whenever I can. Tonight we have a concert not far from Tokyo. Here’s the ticket Ai-chan told me to give to you. We’ll be very glad if you come with us. \(^O^)/ ]
*
“Where the heck were you?”
“I’m sorry…”
I bow my head in silence.
“Now we have to explain to Tsunku-san. He surely is scary when angry.” Ai-chan sighs.
“I’m very sorry…”
“Ok ok, it’s not that serious. The interview has been delayed.” Gaki-san puts a hand on my shoulder. “But more importantly, are you ok?” She gives me a concerned look. My heart throbs. I’m afraid that she will notice my neck. I quickly turn around.
“I’m fine.”
I sit on the sofa, next to Jun.
“We have to prepare for tonight right now.” Ai-chan knits her brows. “It’s a bit late already. We have to hurry up.”
“Wait…”
Suddenly, Jun puts both her hands on my shoulders.
“What are you doing?” I look at her in surprise.
“What is this?”
“Nothing.” I smack her hands away and turn around.
“Wait!” She grasps my arm and pulls me back. Everyone turns back to look at us.
“What happened?” She stares at me.
“I…”
“What did she do to you?”
Now I can’t hide them anymore. Everyone sees the bite marks. Eri covers her mouth. Reina stares at me in shock, and the same to others.
“Sayumi…” Eri comes near to me.
“What’s those faces for?” I try to let out a smile. “It’s normal to have bite marks…”
“But this is serious!” Jun yells. “She did it again, right?”
“I don’t get what you are saying.”
“She rapes you again, right?”
I don’t know what to say. I sit on the chair, bowing my head. They just keep silent.
“And you want to hide us? You want to continue that relationship?” Now it’s Reina’s turn.
“…”
“Being able to love the person who rapes you again and again, you’re so kind, or you’re just not normal too?”
“Reina!”
I start crying.
“So what should I do? Leaving her alone? Why are you so cruel? She had to lose everything because of me! Now you tell me to abandon her?”
“She won’t die if you break up with her! But you’ll die if you continue this relationship. Don’t be so stupid…”
“That’s enough, Reina.” Ai-chan interrupts. “We’ll talk about that later. The concert tonight is more important…”
“WTH is more important?” Eri screams out. “It’s Sayu that is more important! Don’t be so cold-blood!”
“Calm down, Eri.”
“How can you force her to sing when she’s in that mood?”
“Eri…” I grab her hand. “I can do it. We better go… Ai-chan was right, the concert is more important. We can talk later.”
“Ok, you and Sayu can stay here a little more.” Ai-chan sighs. “We’re leaving. We’ll wait for you two. Don’t be too late.”
As soon as they leave, Eri comes sit next to me.
“Sayumi.”
“Yeah…”
“I think I have to agree to Reina this time. You have to break up, soon.”
“Why do even you say that to me? I can’t leave her side. What will happen to her if I do that?”
“Why don’t you realize anything? She’s just that crazy when it comes to you.”
“H-huh?”
“I never think she’s terrible or something. I just think she loves you way too much. Whenever it comes to you, she loses her control. That’s why you better leave her.”
“But…” My tears drop. “I love her… I want to be by her side, no matter what…”
“Sayu…”
“We have nothing but each other… We only want to stay together and make each other happy… Isn’t it the simplest thing? Why does it have to be so difficult?”
I keep crying. Eri didn’t say anything. She sits by my side, holds my hand tightly. That makes me cry even more.
“I was wrong…” She smiles sadly. “It’s not only her that is too crazy in love…”
I hold her hand more tightly.
“You and her can’t be happy together, because you two love each other too much… Reina and me can’t be happy together too, because we don’t love each other much enough. Funny, isn’t it?”
After that, we didn’t say anything else. I just keep crying like a child. In Eri’s arms, the smell of the perfume she used since we were together brings me back to some memories. Suddenly, I don’t want to move from this place. Eri’s shoulders are small, but not trembling. Her hands are not as warm as Koha’s, but soft and gentle. The softness slowly makes me calm down.
I realize that I’ve owed Eri too much.
*
No new message or call.
What’s happening?
I tried to call her a lot of times. But I can’t hear her voice.
“Sayu, what are you doing? The concert is gonna start. Let’s go to the dressing room.”
I quickly put the phone into the bag and run after Eri.
“Did she come?”
“Huh?”
“You gave her that ticket right? Did she come yet?”
“Um… I don’t know…”
She smiles.
“Just put it aside. For now, we have to focus on the performance, right?”
I smile and nod.
“Eri.”
“Hm?”
I stop walking and look into her eyes.
“When the concert ends, let’s go to eat some sushi.” I smile. “Just the two of us.”
The concert almost ends now. We still have to do the encore though. I check my phone every time we go to the dressing room. But nothing happens. I can’t be patient anymore.
Suddenly, the sound of the phone interrupts my thoughts. It’s her message. I quickly run to a room.
“Sayumi? What are you doing? The encore is starting now.” Reina shouts to me.
“I have some problems with the bow.” I quickly open the message.
[Sayu-chan, sorry, I can’t go to watch the concert.
What I did to you last night, I hope you can forgive me some day.
Sorry but I don’t know what to do than leaving your side.
Please be happy from now on.]
I feel like something cuts my heart into pieces.
I stand there, and keep reading the message, again and again. It takes me a while to react. I quickly call her back.
“Hello?”Thanks God. This time she finally takes the call.
“WTF are you doing?” My voice is trembling.
“I’m sorry…”“Where are you now?”
“Home…”“STAY THERE! IF YOU MOVE EVEN A CM, I’LL KILL YOU!!” I scream out. My whole body is trembling too. I quickly open the door.
“What are you doing there?” Reina knits her brows. “Let’s go back to the stage.”
“Tell everybody that I’m very sorry.”
“Huh?”
I take my bag and run.
“SAYUMI! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? STOP!!”
*
I run on the stairs. My heart is beating and throbbing fast. I stop to breathe a few seconds and try to calm down. Then I continue to run, run and run.
I quickly open the door.
“Koharu-chan?”
I stand there, look around the room. That must be a joke. She won’t leave me alone. Never.
I run to the bedroom.
She’s not here too.
I look at the wardrobe.
My heart is beating faster and faster.
Slowly, I come near to the wardrobe and open it.
I kneel down on the floor.
Everything seems to disappear from my eyes.
I realize that’s because my eyes are already full of tears.
Suddenly, I see a sheet of paper on the table.
Sayu-chan,
Do you remember the day we first met?
Those days when I was a kid, with you always by my side, as my mentor. I’m wondering whether they’re precious to you? Me thinks not (lol) since I was always annoying you. I even made you cry sometimes. I’m really sorry about that. Anyway, for me, they’re precious memories, because you were there, beside me.
Do you remember the day you told me that you had your first kiss with Kamei-san with that bright smile on your face?
I was almost crying, but finally I ended up giving you a smile. I can’t believe how strong I was that day.
Have you ever noticed
That I love you during that period of time?
Surely not. (lol) Sometimes I even want to scream out that, why don’t you pay any attention to me? Every time I saw you and her together, you hold her hands, you lean to her shoulders, you enjoy her kisses…
I just wanted to run to hug you tightly, grasp your hand, and take you away from her.
But I couldn’t do that.
We can’t always do whatever we want, especially when it comes to the person we love.
That’s why, the day you and her broke up, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I couldn’t help but kiss, and hug, and hold you in my arms. And when I had you with me, I was always like dreaming. Every morning I woke up with you sleeping beside me, my heart skipped beating. I keep talking to myself, “A, I have you. Not a dream.”
I was always afraid that you didn’t really love me. You just wanted to forget her, or you just wanted someone to be by your side and share your loneliness. I wanted you to love me, only me. I wanted your eyes to see no one but me. Sometimes I even wanted to kill you, then you’ll belong to only me, forever.
Sometimes I find myself so scary.
And when I saw you kiss another girl not me, my heart was like cut by a knife.
I ended up doing those terrible things to you. After that, I was thinking, “This is the end for us.”
But, you hugged me, and kissed me, and forgave me.
I was very surprised, and kept wondering, “Since when you started to love me that much?”
“I’ll definitely make you happy from now on.” That’s what I always reminded myself. I will do anything to make you happy, even if I have to sacrifice everything, my family, my pride, my dreams.
No matter what I say now, everything can’t be back to the beginning. I know, if now I hug you, and beg you to forgive me once more, you’ll forgive me again.
But I can’t do that, because now I realize,
As long as we’re still together, I’ll continue to keep you in my confinement forever.
I have to give you your freedom.
Please don’t search for me. Because I’m going to somewhere that you will never find me there. And please don’t wait for me, because I’ll never return.
Please, forget me.
But, you can remember that, I love you. No matter what happened, that is still the truth.
Sayoonara.
Someone, please tell me, this is a joke.
I look around.
Is there anyone here?
Is that you standing somewhere in this room, and when I start to cry, you’ll run to me and laugh at me and say to me that, “You’re such a crybaby!” ?
So I have to cry, then you’ll appear in front of my eyes.
But I’m already crying now. Why are you still not here?
Can you hear me crying?
Please run to me.I scream out.
My eyes are full of tears, my heart tightens, I feel like I can’t breathe anymore.
No matter how much I cry out
You will never come here and hold me in your arms like you always did anymore.
The moment I saw the empty room with you gone
I knew this time I was really left behind in this strange world
When I look around the room,
Your images were like still there.
When I lied on my bed
Your flavor was still there.
Your smiles, your tears, your words
All of them seemed to be still there.
But, where are you now?
Topic: ---CIRCLE--- (♥KohaSayu♥) chapter 44 (1/1) (Read 78442 times)