Zhen: sorry for the late update for Newyear Os.
enjoy~
Deserve Better
==Jurina==“Not again.” I whisper in a small voice.
Why do you have to let yourself to be hurt like this? I just don’t understand. The tears you cried for him, does it worth it? He doesn’t even care. Maybe because it is true that love is blind. You don’t even see it yourself... How much he has hurt you.
“Jurina…..~” You call out my name again with the sweet voice of yours while running towards my direction.
So many lies within that smile of yours. How much pain have you been hiding behind?
“Yes, Rena-chan?” I just smile back to her as she clings onto my shoulder. I don’t mind… But it hurts a little knowing she doesn’t belong to me.
“Nee... Can I stay over your house this New Year Eve?” She just looked at me with her beautiful orbs not knowing how much power she has over me.
“E-em…..Sure.” I’m sure I sounded nervous. Why would she want to be with me? Wouldn’t she normally go to her boyfriend’s house or something?
“Really? YAAY!! I get to go to your house then.” Her face was smiling widely, like a kid that had just gotten her candy.
“Won’t you want to spend your time with your boyfriend?” I didn’t know why would I ask her, even though I knew it will upset her feelings. But I couldn’t help it. I'm just curious of it.
“Nope. I’m not going to spend my New Year with him this year. I’m going to spend with my best friend, which is you.” I know behind that smile of hers are actually tears, trying to cover up all the sadness she has.
“Oh. Really?” Maybe it's time. It is time for you to face the truth that he doesn’t love you. Live a lie, that he is not good enough for you.
Bzz...Bzz….
You just slide your phone screen and read the text he just sent, with your arms around my neck. Letting me read whatever is shown on the screen.
“He's planning to go somewhere on New Year but he is going to make up to me by taking me to Osaka after New year.” She said it happily.
Always the same... You keep giving him one more chance. In the end, he will never keep his promise. The games he play, he has been playing from the start. The heart of yours is the bet he has. You give, he takes and he breaks it. He’ll never change... why won’t you understand?
Maybe those who are in love are fools... so am I. You deserve better.
==Rena==“So tomorrow I’ll follow you back home kay?” I hope you can’t hear my heartbeat as my chest leans against your back. Maybe it's just me….. I couldn’t hold back my feelings.
I have a crush on my best friend since the day we met. Yes. I’m not joking. I thought she was cute and everything. At that time I never knew what a "crush" really means. Thinking maybe I was just admiring her, in everyway. Because of our different personality, she could do the things she wanted to. She is always cold to those that are around her but I know better than anyone else that she is the kindest and the most caring person in the world. Maybe we are the complete opposite, attracted to each other. And I’m just an ordinary girl that is too afraid to tell you that I love you.
“I guess so. Tomorrow, meet me after school then.” You just answered with your famous poker face that doesn’t show any emotion.
I was reading my boyfriend’s text, thinking maybe it’s time. I know. I’m a horrible person that is using Airin to cover up my feelings for Jurina. I’m sure that Jurina doesn’t swing that way. I know….. I’m disgusting. If I tell her my feelings for her, she will stay away and be disgusted by it. I won’t want that to happen.
I have these thoughts before. Maybe I was wrong... Maybe I was wrong thinking that I love you, I was thinking the feeling I have for you was merely just a friendship with admiration. I was thinking maybe if I try to love Airin, then perhaps my feelings for you will fade away a little more. But I was wrong. All these years, as I was kissing him and making out with him, my mind flashed images of you, Jurina. How can I hold on to these feelings for you much longer?
“So what’cu doing? Jurina~” Just a little bit... let me hold on to you. I know we will never be together. I just want to hold on to you a little longer until the time comes. The time when you will find your love. You deserve better.
I am a fool that is in love with you.
“Nothing, just reading and thinking.”
“What’ca thinking about? Someone?” Oh… she is reading a medical magazine. I'm wondering if she is going to be a doctor in the future. I bet she can, since she is so smart and beautiful.
“Maybe.” Eh? Really? Who is she thinking about? Em. I’m curious now. But she won’t tell me even if I ask her though.
“Ne? Why did you accept Airin again?” She suddenly asked me with her poker face.
“Why not? He is handsome and smart. Well, he asked me out so I just went with the flow and accept him.”
“Do you love him?” She asked out of curiousity I guess.
==Jurina==
“Are you jealous, Jurina? Awhhh...Don’t be, I’ll always love you.” I know you love me, love me as a friend, as a best friend. You never look at me like how you look at him. She just cuddles onto my neck and she tightens the hug. Rena, you never know how much effect you have on me.
“N-no…. Why would I? Anyway... Aren’t you going back home soon? Why are you still here?” Suddenly I could feel the warmness around my body gone as she let go of her hug.
“AH! I better be going now then.. I have to go buy my favourite snack.”
“Melon Pan again?” Her favourite snack of all time. I know what she likes and dislike, but why doesn’t the boyfriend? Yes, maybe I’m just overprotective over her. But what can I do with these feelings I have for her?
“Yap. you know me well, Jurina.” She just giggle and smile. The smile that I always want to keep to myself. “Anyway, don’t forget about tomorrow. See you Jurina.” She just waves her hand and skipped out of the classroom.
Maybe, maybe I should just give up on her. Besides, it's New year isn't it? Forgetting about my crush sounds like a good new year resolution. I packed my bag and walk out of the door and back home. While having a lot of thoughts in my head running.
==Rena=="Fuuuh" I am so full. I thought of buying like 2 Melon Pan. But I end up buying like 10 of them because of the sale they have. It was so tasty, my mom actually scold me for not eating a proper dinner. And I didn't think it was my fault that Melon Pan tasted great especially when they are from Melon Cafe. The famous Melon Cafe that sells limited edition Melon Pan, made by the great chief Oshima. Okay, the addiction of Melon Pan in me can't be saved anymore.
"Rena, why are you packing?" My mom walked by my room door and stop as she saw that I'm packing for tomorrow stay over.
"Have you forgotten that I'm staying over at Jurina's house for tomorrow?"
"Oh right. I'm sorry. I was thinking you are running away from home." My mom chuckled.
"W-what? Why should I?"
"Nothing. Enjoy your night there kay~ " There she goes like wind out of my room.
"Geez. Of course I will." I should probably go sleep early after I finish packing my things for tomorrow overnight.
Let’s hope tomorrow will be alright. I hope that I can control my feelings for you and not letting it overflow in me.
==Jurina==“Thank you for the food.” I help my mom to clean up the table after our dinner and wash the dishes. “Are you going anywhere for New Year? Because your mother and I are going down to grandpa’s house for New year. Do you want to follow us?” My father was sitting on the couch with his tea on his hand and asked.
“Maybe not. Rena-chan is coming over tomorrow and staying the night.” I totally forgot to tell them that Rena is coming over, well not that they mind.
“Rena-chan is coming over? Oh. That’s great. I was worrying that you will be all alone at home. But now Rena-chan is coming over and staying, I'm relieved.”
“Ohhh. Rena-chan is coming over tomorrow? Ah. you should have told me about it… I’ll prepare the futon and everything for you before we leave the house tomorrow kay?” As for my mother, well just doing her job as a mother I guess.
“Dad! I’m not a kid anymore, you gonna stop worrying about me. And mom, don’t worry about it. I’ll do it myself.” I just pouted and sat on the couch and join the family.
“Awh. But you will always be our little kiddo. That is afraid of being alone in the house.” My dad smirks and put his hand on my head and start ruffling and messing up my hair.
“I’m not scared anymoreee.”
“Rightttt….” My dad answered sarcastically.
“I guess our daughter has grown up huh.” My mom just smiled at us.
“Of course! It's New Year! Means I'm one year older now.” I smile proudly to them.
“Hai..hai. Now hurry up go back your room and do your assignment.”
“Kay.”
I wish... a part of me is wishing that tomorrow I can tell you my feelings but I know I can’t because you already have him. Him that you deeply in love with. I guess it’s too selfish to wish you’ll be mine forever and ever.
Second. Minutes. Hours passing fast with all of the worrying thoughts running in my head.
“Jurina~” A voice was calling out to me, a voice that can make my heart skip a beat. It’s her….
“Rena.” I murmured and flash a smile to her.
==Rena==Again. That smile. That smile that makes my heart running and won’t settle down. Jurina why are you being so unfair? You should know, that smile of yours can make everyone fall head over heels for you.
“Are we going now?”
“Yes, we are. Give me a moment.” I just stand in front of her and look at her calmly packing her things into her bag. Her hand gesture is so graceful as she do her things. Jurina, you are making me crazy.
“I’m done.”
“Rena-chan?” She waves her hand infront of my face to bring me back to earth.
“Em... Yes?” I snap back and answer her nervously.
“Haha. Are you okay? It’s so unlike you to daydream. What are you thinking?” She giggle and asked.
“You.” I answered.
“Uh? Me?” She pointed her finger on herself and gives me the confuse look.
“Yes. you. Why are you so slow?” I just smile back to her, and hit her softly on her shoulder.
“Mou. I’m not.” she just pouted. See I told you that she is cute and beautiful. Well, just time to time. Not always.
“Let’s go shall we now?” Suddenly, her lips curved back the beautiful smile that I have always love.
==Jurina== It was a silent road trip back home, maybe I shall speak up or something.
“So? How’s your relationship with Airin? Is he treating you well?” Out of curiousity I asked her this question, knowing the answer will hurt myself. I’m just an idiot am I?
“Em…… He is. He is very kind.” Well. that’s because you only know one side of him.
“So what about you? Do you have someone you like?” She bows down to peek on my face as I was looking on the floor while walking. Knowing she is gazing at me, I stare back at her. Suddenly, our footsteps slowed down and stopped in the middle of the road as our little staring contest going on. In a swift second, I feel that I once again is mesmerised with her beautiful appearance. How I wish we could stare at each other all day long.
On the spur of the moment, I could feel her face drew closer to mine. It feels like electricity is running through my body, making me shock for a moment.
“N-no... One.” She chuckled as she backs off. I blushed hard at the sudden closeness we had a second ago.
“Liar.”
“I’m not lying.” I refute on what she had said.
“Why are you so nervous then?”
“No. I’m not.” Try my best to put up my poker face.
“Pft. Kay then.”
“What's so funny?”
“Nothing. It's just that you look so cute.”
“HUH?” I look at her with my eyes widen.
“Hahaha. Yap, you are cute alright.” She raise her hand up and pinch my cheek softly.
“Mou….Can you stop treating me like a kid? I know I’m younger than you alright.” I just pouted at her. Deep down, I'm feeling flattered because of her comment.
“Haha. You are a kid. What are you saying? And it is a fact that you are 2 years younger.” She just playfully stuck out her tongue.
“But you are the one that always act like one though.” I giggle.
“Hm? Fine. You want a serious Rena around?” She stop her walking and start looking serious all of a sudden.
“I didn’t say so.”
“.....” She just continue staring at me.
“Oh, come on Rena-chan. I love you the way you are. I’m sorry okay?” I reach out my hand to hers and drag her to move.
“Humph. You better be loving me.” I just softly laugh at her words. I love you more than you think.
==Rena==After 30 mins of walking, we finally reached her house.
“Where is your parents?” Noticing her house is empty, no one's at home.
“They went back to grandpa house.”
“Oh. I see.” Wait. It means only both of us tonight?
“So what do you want for dinner? I’ll cook.” She voiced out once again. I don’t want to admit it, but I really miss her cooking.
“Em…… Anything you cook.” I smile back to her.
“Okay then.” She make her way through the kitchen while answering me with her usual poker face. “Oh, go put your bag in my room and have a shower first. When you're done, come down. I think the dinner will be ready by then. I’m sure you still remember where my room is, right?”
“Haha. Of cause, I remember. Alright, then.” I walk myself to her room.
Once I reached her room, I put my bag near the bed and look around the room. It's the same, nothing changed since the last time I came over. The scent of hers is my addiction, I’m going crazy soon. I wonder how long can I hide my desires for her. I took my towel, clothes for change and rush into the toilet. I need to cool myself down.
==Jurina==Here am I cooking Omurice for the two of us. It didn’t take long to prepare everything, I set up the table and put the food on it. Before I knew it, she is out from the bathroom. I gazed upon her as I see her wet hair dripping. I have to admit she look very sexy. I shake off my thoughts and welcome her to the table.
“It looks tasty. I’m hungry now.” I giggle at her words, because she look so cute and sexy at the same time.
“Haha. Well, Let’s eat and you can tell me if it is tasty or not.” I just grin with a proud face. She took a bite and start eating it.
“It's amazing! How could you cook such delicious food?” She asked as she kept eating non-stop.
“Haha. I’m flattered by your words.”
“I’m sure you can be a great wife next time!” That comment just got my cheek all heat up, at the same time….. I feel sad.
“Thanks.” I say it in a small voice.
After we finish our food, she help me to wash the dishes. As for me, I went and took a shower and change into a much more comfortable clothes. When I came out from the bathroom, I see her sitting at my study table looking through my stuff. Ah, I hope she didn’t see anything that she shouldn’t have……..
==Rena==After we finished eating dinner, I help her to wash the dishes as I told her to go shower. it didn’t take long to wash the dishes. After I finish, I went to her room and wait for her. I look around the study table and saw our photo together. Ah, how cute. I sat down and took the photo that was plastered on the wall. The photo was taken when we were in high school. As I was looking at our faces ,I noticed there are words on it. I turn the photo around and saw some words written on it.
“You deserve better.”
I frowned, feeling confused. Is she saying about me? Or herself?
Suddenly, I could hear the door knob being turned. She’s done? I turn around with the photo being held behind my back and face her. She walk in with her skyblue shorts and plain white shirt. She look so sexy with her legs being exposed and her body curves can been seen by the shirt. She looked at me while raising an eyebrow.
“What are you doing?”
“N-nothing.” I said and turn my face away from her
“You are lying. What are you hiding from me?” She walked towards me and put both her hands around the chair handle.
“No. I’m not.”
“Look at me and say it.”
“J-Jurina... You’re too near.”
“I’m not going to move until you look me in the eyes.” After hearing what she said, I slowly turn my face around. My heart starts beating like a drum as her face is just a mere few inches from mine.
I feel like crying. She’s so near yet so far. It hurts. It just hurts a lot. The girl I love so much is standing in front of me and I can’t reach out to her. I know deep down inside I love her deeply, knowing the fact it will never change our relationship. I don’t want us to be strangers.
Not knowing that my tears fall along my cheek.
==Jurina==“Then tell me why are you crying?” I gently use my thumb and wipe her tears away.
“Don’t cry…” I pulled her into a hug as I whisper into her ear.
“......” Silent is the reply, only sobbing I could hear. I pat her head with my hand and softly says her name.
“Rena...”
“I-it h-hurts.”
“I know it hurts, and I’m sorry.” I said. My heart hurts too.
“.....” All I could hear is her crying in my arms.
“I’m sorry, Jurina.” She let go of my hug and start wiping her tears away.
“It’s okay.” As she let go, I saw something fall off from her hand.
It’s a photo of me and her. The one that I never wanted her to see. But it’s too late I guess. I pick it up from the floor and put in on the table.
“What do you mean by you deserve better…?”
“......” I didn’t want to reply her, all I could do is look down.
“Nee. Answer me.” She hold my hand close to hers.
“Nothing.”
“Jurina…I thought we are best friend?”
“...Because you are…. that’s why.” I said it in a soft voice.
“What do you mean…?”
“Rena, don’t make it harder than it already is for me.”
“What did I do to make you feel that way?”
“......”
“I understand….. so you want to leave me huh?”
“What? No….” Why would she think like that?
“Then tell me why?”
“Because you have him.”
“Him? You mean Airin? He is just my boyfriend, Jurina. You do know that nothing will come between us. Our friendship will never break.”
“Rena. You… don’t understand.” I could feel my voice is cracking.
“What do you mean…. by I don’t understand?”
“I love you, Rena…..” That’s it. Our friendship will fall apart now, because of my confession. My tears fall, I cried.
“J-jurina.”
==Rena==I’m shock. Really? Does Jurina loves me like how I love her? Or does she love me as a friend? I don’t know. I don’t know…… I never thought that she will love me.
“J-jurina.”
“I’m sorry…..” She run out of the room. Why did she run? Wait….
“Jurina!” I shout her name, running out of the room to chase after her.
“JURINA.” I shouted.
She stops her footsteps in front of the doorway. I could see she’s scared, she was trembling. She was afraid... like me.
“Do you mean it?”
“.....” Silent was all I got.
“Jurina? Do you mean what you have said?”
“....It doesn’t matter since you have him…” She say it in a soft voice.
“It matters! It matters to me!” I raise out my voice and pull her around to face me. She cried, tears running down her cheek.
“....why?” Cracked voice was heard.
“If only you knew…… I love you too.”
“.....W-what?” Her eyes open wide. I guess she was shock of what she heard.
“I too love you.”
“B-but didn’t you love Airin? What about him? D-did you cry because of him? Aren’t you all sad because of him?”
==Jurina==I can’t believe it. She said she loves me…. I never thought that this will ever happen to me. Aren’t all your tears you cried for him? Aren’t you the one that is madly in love with him? Aren’t you the one that……
“No. I have always loved you. I try…. I tried to hide my feelings for you. I have always love you from the start. Because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of changes.”
So the reasons behind all of her tears was because of me? I am the cause?
“What you said it isn’t true?” I asked.
She pull me close with her hand linked together with mine and slowly leaned forward and kiss me. Slowly the kiss became passionate, due to lack of oxygen the kiss was break apart and we were forced to breath each other’s exhalation. Our forehead met each other’s, she closes her eyes and trying to catch her breath back.
“Does that prove that I love you?” Lips curve into a small smile as she said it.
“Mou….. You should have told me that you love me.” I buried my head in her shoulder.
“Then why didn’t you tell me earlier then?”
“Because I am afraid….” I said it in a soft tone.
“So am I….”
“But… What about Airin then? Didn’t you love him?” I stare at her with a curious look.
“Em….. No.”
“Then why did you date him?”
“Because I wanted to forget the feeling I have for you.” She moved her hand up to my left cheek and caress it softly.
“Just because of that?”
“What else?”
“Didn’t you love him?”
“I try… But It’s seem that my heart longs for you, since the very beginning.”
I was once again mesmerised by her. I don’t seem to have any reaction other than smiling like a fool knowing my love wasn’t an unrequited love. She loves me, like how I love her.
“Let’s go back to my room.” I held her hand and walk back to my room together. As we reach my doorstep, I turn around and give Rena a peck on the lips. I could see she raised her hand up and touch her lips. A mere minutes realising what I just did, her face flash red.
==Rena==“Sneaky…” I hit her softly. So this is how it is to be with the one you love. My heart beats fast with whatever small movement she do to me. I could feel like a thousand butterflies flying in my stomach when she kisses me. I’ve never felt anything like this when i’m around Airin. I guess I’m madly in love with her…..
“Only to you.” She flashes a cheeky smile at me. I think I’ve found an addiction in my life, Matsui Jurina is my drug.
“Did you regret it?” I asked her.
“I did.”
“....R-really? You know you can always back out. Before we fall deeper...” I can hear my voice cracking up, and tears is at the verge of falling from my eyes.
“It’ss too late. I have already fallen.” I look back up and a drop of my tear fall from the corner of my eyes.
“Huh?” She brought her finger up and wipe away my tears.
“I did regret. I regret not telling you my feeling earlier.” A small giggle from her mouth could be heard. I hit her softly and pouted. “Mou….”
==Jurina==“Then… What about you? Did you regret it?” I look into her beautiful eyes and wanting to know did she regret being with me.
“It has always been you.” Knowing what I was asking, she flashed a smile, wrapping her arms around my waist and planted a kiss on my lips.
The kiss was short and sweet at first but slowly it became a passionate kiss. I am certain that this girl in front of my eyes has officially captivates my heart. I raise up my fingers, caressing her cheek and giving her a short kiss, without her knowing I pull her down and pin her on the bed with me on top of her.
“Em... I like dominant Jurina.” She lets out a laugh as I use my finger to play with her fringe and slowly admiring her face. I always know she is beautiful, and never failed to capture my heart. My lips curved into a smile.
“Really? What else do you like about me?”
She wraps her arms around my neck and pull me down before an inch apart from her lips. She smiles softly and whispered into my ears.
“Everything.” I could feel my face turning a shade red. “Awh… Is my Jurina blushing? You are so cut-” I quickly crash my lips on hers, I could see it on her face that she had totally caught off guard, I just smile and soon she slowly return the kiss.
“What’s that for?” She asked after pulling out from our kiss.
“For teasing and loving everything about me.” I just show her my playful smile. I lean down toward her face and give a small kiss on her forehead and whisper. “Nee. I love you, Rena. And Happy New Year.”
You deserve someone better, someone that will treat you right. Someone like me. If you want, I’ll be there any place, anytime.
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