Thank you for the comments.
@StrongStyle9Q I forgot to add that she also gives me uncaring and chaotic vibes too. But even so, bondage is still the most controversial, isn't it?
That particular one is so out of nowhere.
@mayuki_daisuki I remember a fortune-telling for Mayu where it said she'll start liking women or something in 2021, which fuels my MaYuki feels, especially this year.
@LoyalFlutist I have zero idea about what I'm doing so I've never expected to receive such praise. Whatever good writing I may have made, I'm afraid I have to admit that I just stumbled into it by accident ^^; In fact, I've only read about what a strong voice in writing is because of your review. But I'll do my best to learn about that.
Btw to everyone who might read this, don't feel pressured or obligated to read and/or review everytime I post haha we're all just here to have fun (or well I'm hoping you're having fun, because I am).
Also, it's almost disappointing that my 69th post isn't some sort of debut NSFW work in the perv forum but hey, doing significant things at the right time isn't my thing; I posted a tangentially-Yuko-birthday fic in May.
Anyway, my most recent tHeRaPeUtIc output is... angst? Hmm. That sounds contradictory.
As She Commands
Even before Jurina instinctively opened her eyes, she could feel a person walking back and forth in the bedchamber.
Light footsteps following the same path over and over. The slap of bare feet on cold tiles. An even, unhurried pace. The gait of a noblewoman.
It was a familiar set of signs: her queen was pacing barefoot on the cold floor to shock her brain into activity, a part of her morning routine on days when she had to make difficult decisions.
Jurina's deliberation finished in a flash, and she opened her eyes to see her monarch in front of the room, pacing, as she expected.
"Your Grace, is everything alright?"
Her voice was hoarse. Even her throat was yet to wake, but the first order of business for any knight is to make sure that their liege is well.
The question made Queen Rena cease her casual pacing and smile at the younger woman.
Squinting through the sunlight filtering in through the window, the now fully-awake knight noticed that her monarch was wearing her nightdress which flowed with her body's movements. Long wavy hair, red lips, a gentle smile. A visit from a goddess so early in the morning.
The queen sat on the edge of the bed and Jurina immediately moved closer to her, as Rena predicted she would. She awarded the behavior with a kiss on the silently pleading lips.
"Good morning, my brave knight," she ran a long, graceful finger along the knight's strong jaw, watching as her eyes closed to savor the gentle contact.
"I received a report from our scouts. An army of about twenty thousand approaching the valley."
Jurina opened her eyes against her will. She understood immediately: she was being sent away to face the enemy.
As Rena's most valiant and gifted general, this was no surprise. But leaving her queen alone in the company of others was something she hated more than the war itself.
"I will make preparations and leave as soon as possible," she stated firmly. However, her body refused to support the urgency in her tone when she found herself not wanting to leave the bed, much less the room.
The queen rose from the bed and moved in front of the mirror to address the non-existent imperfections in her hair.
Distance yourself, but not so much. Dangle close enough to keep her wanting. "Would you suggest who among my harem I should spend the first night of your march with? For luck."
An unbearable twinge of pain surged through Jurina's chest and filled her head with the fiery heat of jealousy.
Luck? What did Her Majesty sleeping with another woman have to do with Jurina's luck on the battlefield? She won all her battles through her own skill and mettle, not from luck, and definitely not from whomever Rena took to bed.
Even so, she had to answer as her queen desires.
"…Isn't…Akane…your favorite?" she bit out through gritted teeth. Jurina gripped the sheets tighter and tighter until her knuckles turned white. She already knew the answer, and it hurt. She didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to hear that she wasn't Rena's only woman. Try as she might to school her features into a neutral – or even pleasant – expression, she knew it was not as convincing as she'd like. Especially to her sharp-eyed mistress.
Rena took her time replying, delighting at the sight of her knight's struggle to hide her discomfort. She turned back to the mirror before the other could notice the smirk that came to her lips.
Pretend you don't see their pain. Make each remark with no regard for their feelings. It's not you who's causing them pain; it's their fault for assuming they are special to you. "How observant of you. That's correct. Fetch her from the harem and take her to my chambers on the night of your departure."
"Yes, Your Grace."
"And tell the harem masters that the other girls will be following their usual order for the following nights."
"…As you wish."
Jurina finally mustered enough strength to put her clothes and armor on. As an attempt to pull herself out of her miserable state, she clung to the memory of the beautiful queen helping her remove them during the previous night. After fastening the last buckle on her armor, she stood with her back straight, trying to feel like the fearsome warrior-commander that she is and not the heartbroken little girl that she felt like she was being.
With sword and helmet in hand, she moved to the door.
"Jurina."
She stiffened at the sickly-sweet call of her name.
The queen noticed.
When you're done hurting them for the moment, don't give them an opportunity to think about how cruel you actually are. Reel them back in and remind them that they love only you and that they can belong to no one else but you. Rena put her hands on Jurina's shoulders and pulled her in for another kiss. Longer, deeper than the one from earlier.
"I will think of you every day until you are back in my embrace. Will you promise to do the same for me?" she smiled again. That gentle smile that promised Jurina the world yet gave her nothing but the emptiness in her chest when she left the queen's chambers.
"I will think of you every
moment that I am away, Your Grace," Jurina answered as her queen wanted: with the bitter realization that she was speaking the truth.
Rena graced her with a satisfied smile, one more kiss, and let her leave.
Barely a moment after closing the door, Jurina rested her back against the wall. It hurt so much yet Rena also gave her so much joy. She's been stuck in this painful back-and-forth for so long that she could practically hear Rena's thoughts as she performed every practiced step in the cycle of breaking her heart and giving her hope that she can be hers alone. She believes the other women in the queen's harem could imagine those thoughts as well.
Years and years of serving the queen, years of Rena accepting her love but never truly returning it, years of fighting in her name, it was everything Jurina wanted yet it tore her inside. She kept hoping that Her Majesty, Queen Rena would eventually love only her, that she would see her as something more than just her servant and plaything.
But that was all she was. And nothing more.
A/N: I AM IN PAIN. Rena's appearance and personality are heavily based on her character, Kikuno, from Promise Cinderella, which I just finished binge-watching in all of its English-subbed glory. She's so beautiful and so sexy evil, I can't get her out of my head!