![monkey :mon cweepy:](http://forum.jphip.com/Smileys/default/mon_cweepy.gif)
Hello my dear Pervs,
I would like to announce that this will be my final update on JPHIP. I have a few reasons for this.
1. I don't have time anymore.
2. I got things going on in my personal life.
3. There are enough authors to satisfy your cravings.
4. I am unmotivated and over the AKBness.
5. I'm sick of plagiarism of fanfics, I found my on-going fics and one-shots on other sites under other peoples names and all they did was change the names of the characters or the title of the fanfic. So in order to prevent this I have decided to terminate the two on-going fics on JPHIP. I know I have left most of my readers annoyed or pissed off but please understand where I am coming from. If I do decide to update I shall do it privately and PM individuals who notify me that they want to be PMed. However, that is no guarantee I will update due to reasons stated above.
A quick reply,
@Sydney W: Thank you for reading my fics. It's been awesome getting your responses for my fanfics.
@khryz0421: Yes it is real I did update but I'm sorry I won't update after this one.
@Flean: Haha christmas miracle it was! I hope you get well soon as you are sick! Keep writing!
@CrimsonGrxy: Thank you I try hard to make my fanfics flow smoothly. I hope you enjoy this fic as well!
@haruhi16: Hahaha I'm glad you like it enough to consider it a xmas present! um... let's pretend this is a new year's present?
@Haruko: Hahaha I hope you guys appreciate this fanfic as well!
@luckymmsg: hehehe glad that people love it when there OTP are xmas presents in the form of fanfics!
@kahem: LOL!!! do you prefer action scenes filled with blood and gore?
@Megumi: No prob! Christmas is always a time to celebrate!
@Kirachan: I am still moving into your basement!!!!! and I think this is a bit longer than the last fic I wrote!
@Bouchan: Thank you for posting in my other threads as I hate thread bumping!
@FoFchan, Immochan, BFF, Yadong, Candle and Sorachan: Thank you for being my motivation to start writing fanfics!
@moderators: Thank you for not deleting any of my fics xD
@ThankYou Givers: Thank you for everything!!!
@My dearests readers: I am again sorry for this. I hope you enjoy this fic though. I have put in a lot of thought into it.
Anyway, all I can say is that this fic is different to other fics you may have read. I put a bit of thought into the layout, structure and plot and I hope that I don't find it plagiarized some where on here or another site cos most likely I'll crack a shit...
Anywho, I present to you a intelligent comedy,
How to be a hentai 101.
Some people are scared of being called a hentai. But the truth is hentai actually stands for
Having Emotional Needs Towards Attractive Individuals (H.E.N.T.A.I). So no one should be scared to show how much they are emotionally deprived and in need of acceptance from beautiful individuals who neglect their love. Hence, I wrote a bible called How to be a Hentai 101 to help deprived individuals, like myself the infamous Oshima Yuko, gain love from such unique godly individuals who seem to possess such beautiful globes of glory. It’s split into 5 chapters.
1. Deprivation
2. Finding the Globes of Glory
3. Skinship (Some kind innocent necessary sexualised hugging I present)
4. A.B.U.S.E (A Badly Understood Sexual Enigma)
5. AcceptanceChapter One: Deprivation
Deprivation is basically the first step that all individuals tend to feel when they develop into a HENTAI. Basically it is an unknown urge to have something that you are deprived of. In this case it is being deprived of having emotional contact with attractive individuals. When did I realise this? Basically back when I was a young troubled childhood actress.
Although I had a loving family, a great career, talents beyond my years, and too much money for a typical child to spend I still felt emptiness. I felt alone more than I felt satisfied with my life. Now it isn’t the stereotypical life of a depressed egotistical bitch of an actress. As you can tell even now I possess some child like characteristics that make me easily approachable and happy-go-lucky. I was loved by many and hated by hardly any. My dimples attracted multiple eras of men and women who loved to pinch my chubby baby fat cheeks. That was when I noticed that although they loved me, it was not the type of love I was after.
One day I finally found what I had been missing. It was around the time I hit puberty. I was in class learning about how the body physically develops during puberty and although I was learning about naked people growing hair in places we shouldn’t have and the mystical powers females like myself possess. Yes, it is an amazing ability to bleed for 5 days straight every month and still survive. I also learnt something else. Boys can be read easily, when they are horny they basically salute their third arm. Whereas girls just seem to high beam individuals with their nipples and wet themselves. Of course at an early age I considered this absolutely disgusting.
However, I finally found out that boys are useful in some way. They are willing to sacrifice their all to steal pornography. And in the same sense they are stupid enough to hide it in the same place, under their bed or in the bottom draw. The first time I came in contact with the holy sperm bible was when I was 14 years old. I was at the snow with my family and we were staying in a rented out house and I ended up getting the room which was owned by the son. The room was cleaned out and basically empty. However as I was changing the bed sheets the winter edition of Playboy dropped out from under the mattress. I was amazed and unconsciously I was drooling. It was the first time I had seen something so…. Glorious. Now the faces weren’t that attractive but anyone would have wanted to own such well developed globes. It was then that I finally understood what I was missing in life. I was deprived, deprived of such wonderful sets of globes. It was a monstrosity that I found out so late into my life.
Chapter Two: Finding the Globes of Glory
After such a life changing experience I finally began my quest in life to find the globes of glory. And a long and hard journey it was. I did multiple things and experienced many disappointments to reach where I am. In a place filled with all types of globes. AKB48… it was amazing to be surrounded by over 200 pairs of globes. Not all globes are that magnificent though… some don’t even have globes but their personality makes up for what they lack. Anyway back to my story...
Life is not easy mainly as a young lady hitting puberty and finding out about such special things. My quest began when I joined a girl group that didn’t last as long as I had expected. Doll’s Vox was the name of the short lived idol group. It wasn’t a bad group… I guess it was just that the talent there wasn’t as good as it was expected to be and also during the time we were competing with idol groups such as Morning Musume. AKB48 started auditions around the same time but I was too busy chilling out with the globes I had surrounding me to even know about AKB48. The only reason I found out about AKB48 was purely because during my time in recording studios I bumped into someone in the toilet’s from AKB48. And this is one of the real reason’s I auditioned for Team K.
That day I bumped into my twin. Takahashi Minami was her name. I had finally found someone around the same height as me and I was overly excited. Why I remember her so well is because she gave me a gift that I will remember for life. She gave me the chance to meet the most perfect globes of glory in the world. Her name was Kojima Haruna. She had barged into the toilet to find Takamina and in the process had fallen on top of me. It was the first time that I had felt my face being consumed by such softness, such round pureness, such perfection. I was to say the least, in heaven.
From that awkward meeting onwards I pursued the path of Idols You Can Meet. And boy was I happy that paying a fee could get me into a show to see my dearest Nyan Nyan. I however felt that paying not only did damage to my wallet but also made me feel like I was paying my Nyan Nyan’s services like a prostitute. Therefore I made a decision and left Doll’s Vox and auditioned to be in Team K. I trained extremely hard. I knew that I couldn’t let this chance go by, and in the process I will try harder and get my Nyan Nyan’s attention and consume her heart with my love.
Once I made it into Team K I discovered that although I definitely got a lot of attention it was hardly what I wanted. That’s because I was further away from my Nyan Nyan. We had different training times and performance times. My heart was aching despite the smile on my face when I performed. That is because I knew someone else was watching her globes without my permission. Someone was trying to take them from me. Is that what happens every time some discovers a priceless treasure? Someone will always be there to take it…
Chapter Three: Skinship (Some kind innocent necessary sexualised hugging I present)
Everyone always wants to know “What is Skinship?” Well basically it is some kind, innocent, necessary sexualised hugging I present to my loved ones. But of course there is different types of skinship. I can hug someone for a casual grope, but for Nyan Nyan its all out of pure love. She was never accepting of such love though. The first time I had a chance to give her a good amount of skinship she seemed traumatised. It was during the shooting for “Aitakatta” and let’s say she never wanted to say “Aitakatta” to me again for awhile. I was in my zone and she was there and it all made sense. See the target, hit the target. Who knew the target knew how to hit you back.
Every time I had a chance I provided her with my utmost amount of affectionate skinship. My favourite time was in the bath house. I saw EVERYTHING! I was basically drooling enough to fill up the hot spring with my saliva. I didn’t care that Mariko and Acchan were trying hard to drag Takamina into the hot spring at all. They are more of the small boob group and it seems that they enjoy looking at each other’s boobs to compare size and feel better about themselves. Takamina is smart enough to hide hers as she doesn’t have much. I prefer to stay with Miichan and Nyan Nyan. They are just bigger and better. I have to say I got pretty good boobs for my miniature size. Back then I wish Nyan Nyan would just grope mine like everyone else. Then maybe it would be easier for her to accept me into her life. She would say “OMG they are like perfectly paired with mine” but no, that never happened. Instead I spent my time being depressed and sitting down feeling as though my boobs were unwanted by the goddess of all boobs.
I was not worthy… But I knew I had to change this. And I knew I could with some help. I therefore pledged my allegiance to the master of appreciative Skinship. Her name was Meetan, but to me she was my sensei. We became close during the filming of Baby, Baby, Baby. And baby did we get to see everyone’s assets that recording. Dry bikini, wet bikini, small bikini, big bikini, the world of bikinis! That day I learnt different techniques of groping and the best style seemed to be photo taking groping. Not only do you make it seem playful and kiss them, BUT the bonus part is that usually the other girl smiles for the picture and you quickly grope them and have photographic evidence of your success to show the world. Meetan was truly the best sensei ever. We ended up going to a café afterwards to share photos to each other. However, that day when I attempted to grab Nyan Nyan she somehow had a sixth sense and ran off to be with Mariko and Oshima Mai… How can she be close to Oshima Mai and not THE OSHIMA YUKO?!?!?!
Well, of course that never stopped me. It made me try harder. The thing was despite my increasing popularity Nyan Nyan hardly ever paid attention to me. We starred in AKBingo together and every time we were at other music events I tried to be close to her but it never happened. She never gave me the opportunity to be that close to her. However, I tried multiple ways to seduce her, party invitations, shopping dates, dinner and lunch dates, I played my bass guitar and acoustic guitar to seduce her, I even dressed in cute outfits to try and gain her attention. In the end I finally became closer to her. How this happened? I used my resources appropriately. My fellow developing perv Miichan and my first acquaintance Takamina was closely tied to Nyan Nyan. I always spoke about food and invited them and they always brought Acchan, Tomochin, Mariko most importantly Nyan Nyan. Each time they did… I brought my groping hands. However… There is always a consequence to skinship when it comes to Nyan Nyan.
Chapter Four: A.B.U.S.E (A Badly Understood Sexual Enigma)
As I said before my skinship towards her continued but like Newton’s Law III says “For every action there is an equal and opposite action”. This equal and opposite action I learnt was being clawed, slapped, hit, pinched, and knocked over in full force. Most people would call it Abuse if they didn’t know what I did to deserve it… Nyan Nyan would call it Self Defence. But why call it that if in reality she really wanted me to do that to her! I think A.B.U.S.E is that best name for it. It stands for
A Badly Understood Sexual Enigma. And I can easily say that it is the truth in it all. Number One, she wanted it, how I know this? She always stands close enough to me to tempt me to touch them. Number Two, God made them for a reason, it’s not every day an Asian girl gets something that lovely and perfect. Number Three, I’m the perfect height for her, I move forward to hug her and basically my head fits perfectly in between the globes of glory.
Anyway as I continued to give her skinship she continued to give me abuse. It was like we were meant to be. Isn’t it said that opposites attract? And in addition the fans seemed to enjoy it more than we did. Even the fans made a note that Nyan Nyan was just playing hard to get and damn right she was.
I always tried to snuggle into her. I even remember once I had to pretend to cry… however once she felt my drool running down her cleavage she instantly pushed me away and slaughtered me with her handbag. Another time she was playing her Nintendo DS. Actually it worked out quite well. I slid in between her back and the chair and could lean against her. I bet she felt good with my boobs pressed against her back. She was trying to ignore the awesome feeling though. Pretending to concentrate on her game, all I had to do was touch her arm and she was swooning for my love! Basically all I can say is that her hitting me was definitely a badly understood sexual enigma. Most think that she is defending herself but if you interpret it properly it was her way of showing affection towards me. All I had to do was continue doing what I was doing until she confesses her love to me.
Chapter Five: Acceptance
Acceptance is a hard thing for everyone. It was a hard thing for Nyan Nyan to accept me. But it was also hard for me to accept the fact that I had been accepted. I am quite sure that I almost had a heart attack! How it all happened?
Well as I said before it required a lot of groping and sexualised behaviour which would easily be censored by the individuals who are classifying and rating this book. Hence, to keep my idol image I was asked to not speak too much about details of our current relationship. All I can really say is that it happened around the time I won the senbatsu election against Acchan.
Nowadays I look back and see that our love took a lot of time to blossom. It took a lot of time for us to realise how we felt for each other. Media attention nearly ruined my love life as it seemed as though being an actress always seemed to make the media want to create gossip about my love life. Being of accused of dating my co-star was horrible. This is because during this time Nyan Nyan hardly spoke to me until it was cleared up that I was not interested in Eiji Wentz. It was good because that was when I realised that she was indeed in love with me and denying it. She basically told the media that I would not like anyone but her and it was true, she is and always will be my one and only true love.
This is not to say that Nyan Nyan was only after me due to my popularity at the time. Not at all. She actually began showing me some forms of affection even at the previous election when I came second. She kept telling me to try harder and I did. She was never worried about her own ranking that much despite the media trying to portray that all AKB members though about was the ranking they got. Yes, it meant a lot in the sense that it told us who we were to be working with in the future but overall all we cared about was that we were close to the ones we loved. I was happy every time Nyan Nyan was elected into the senbatsu. But who wouldn’t elect her! I remember I voted for her various times as well. I needed to keep her close to me.
I remember that I was disappointed when Aki-P made up the Jankenpon election. I felt as though Nyan Nyan was getting further away from me at the time. The reason why I was disappointed was because this was right after I won the Senbatsu and Heavy Rotation was made. Basically heavy rotation was a MV made that depicted my dream come true. The only thing that wasn’t realistic was that I kissed Acchan and not my Nyan Nyan. But that kiss created something special. It created jealousy in my Nyan Nyan. She was quite jealous and seemed to want to stay close to me at the same time she wanted to stay away from me. She started to get close to Mariko and this made me jealous. But it’s okay because it made as have an emotional argument.
It began when Nyan Nyan invited me over for dinner and half way through dinner Acchan messaged me. Nyan Nyan asked me who messaged and when I said it was Acchan she went ape shit and threw a plate at me demanding to know if we were dating. When I told her we weren’t she continued to scream like a crazy cat saying I was lying to her and playing with her feelings. Then she asked me what I wanted and grabbed my hands and placed them on her globes of glory. Like a hammer hits a nail, a bullet pierces its target, an arrow cuts through the apple, electricity sparks up the engine. I was alive and well. I remember it was the most unforgettable memory. I can say if I ever get Alzheimer’s in the future I hope that my memories of that moment and my memories of Nyan Nyan are never forgotten. Right at that moment my natural instinct took hold of me and I skinshipped like I never skinshipped before. One could say I hail-damaged Nyan Nyan’s face with kisses and tornadoed off her clothes before making her body rain nonstop, her BLEEP gush like a waterfall and made her breath heavily like the cool breeze of the ocean. That night was a night that we never forgot. The funny thing was when I woke up the next morning with my head in between the globes of glory I actually read Acchan’s message properly.
It seems as though Takamina was as jealous as Nyan Nyan. However to our disappointment the little captain didn’t blow up like Nyan Nyan and Acchan didn’t get as much physical affection as I did. Instead the captain shyly confessed and they shared no more than an intimate kiss. However, that was considered normal I guess, the girl can’t even show her flat chest let alone skinship the crap out of a much perverted Acchan. Once Nyan Nyan woke up we just lay there and spoke sweet words into each other’s ears before we continued our work schedule.
When Jankenpon election came up we realised that the possibility of being together was minimal. Mainly when I was knocked out in the first round. Our schedules clashed and I was scared of losing her to the desperate young girls who seemed to fancy her globes as much as I did. However, she would message me and constantly reassure me that it was going to be okay. I was okay with that because we secretly stayed at each other’s house. Her dog was in love with me and I use to take it for walks when Nyan Nyan was busy with her schedule.
Nowadays we just live life the way we want. We are both busy but we found a way to balance our busy schedules. As for my hentainess? Well let’s just saying I am no longer a Hentai. I am no longer Having Emotional Needs Towards Attractive Individuals. You might call me a liar when you see me on television being the typical pervert but if you haven’t noticed I no longer need to fill the void in my life anymore. I have found the love of my life and we are happily together. Of course I still have fun kissing and hugging other girls but Nyan Nyan and I share a more fierce and loving physical relationship that neither of us would give anyone else but each other. All I do know is that Nyan Nyan is releasing her novel
How to be a Tsundere 101. It wasn’t until I read her draft introduction that I found out that there is a deeper meaning to Tsundere. It actually stands for
Teaching Sexually Unsuitable Needy Drooling Eccentric Rapists Etiquette. It made me angry to know that some pervert has been pestering my Nyan Nyan. My Nyan Nyan didn’t let me read the rest of the book because she said she did not want me to get hurt and told me that the individual in her book is now no longer existent in her life. I’m happy that the perverted bastard has left my Nyan Nyan alone.
Anyway, my overall conclusion is that love is real and that it’s not a bad thing to be a Hentai or be called a hentai. This is because once you find what you are looking for and you are accepted for who you are you will realise that it was all worth it in the end. Therefore, just be a hentai! You’ve been deprived for too long, so find that pair of globes and skinship them even though you may cop some abuse and wait to be accepted. Please note that it doesn’t work for everyone! Basically you have to learn to hand groping technique from Meetan Sensei and it seems as though she only accepts chicks with good sized boobs who are as sexually perverted as she is! Anyway hope that helps you all with your love lives! As for now I must continue to spend the rest of my life enjoying the satisfaction that my Hentainess has brought me. I wish you all the best and hope that your love life blossoms like my own.
Your Dearest and Most Perverted One and Only Great Squirrel,
Oshima Yuko~Fin~
Therefore, I am sincerely sorry to my readers but this is what I think it comes down too. I am sure you all follow other authors who will continue to satisfy your needs. I now pronounce the Pervja Ninja Keichan ^_^ officially stripped of her fanfic ninjitsu! This doesn't mean I'm never posting or replying to anyone so feel free to pester me on here or our author hangout JPERVS ^_^ on facebook.
Love you all dearly!
Keichan ^_^