Chapter 5
I don’t know how we ended up here, sitting and facing each other at opposite ends of Maki’s couch in silence. I sit with my knees hugged to my chest, while she casually has one leg folded under her and the other dangling off the side. We stare and stare. My heart pounds as I wonder what’s going through her mind. I can’t stand the tension any more so I finally look away, fidgeting with my hands.
Maki smiles and slides a little way towards me. Is this amusing for her? I’m here ready to leap off her balcony and she’s having a jolly good time.
“What are you doing?” I question her strange behaviour. She doesn’t reply and continues to stare at me, the lightest smile gracing her lips. My eyes narrow as I realise what it could be.
“Stop it!” I cry out in desperation and embarrassment. She looks a little confused.
“Stop what?” she asks innocently. Oh come on, as if she doesn’t know.
“Stop staring at my wonky eye!” I tell her angrily. I hug my knees tighter to my chest and avoid making eye contact. I’ve never actually told anyone to stop looking at my eye before, so I feel a bit weird about saying it to her. I feel my cheeks burn.
“It’s not wonky. It’s cute and I like it,” Maki simply says, continuing to stare. My cheeks must be shining bright red by now.
She doesn’t say anything as she slides closer again. Now she’s staring at my feet. After a few moments she grabs hold of both my ankles. Oh god, please don’t tell me she has some sort of weird foot fetish. I don’t have time to expand on that strange thought because all of a sudden she yanks my feet towards her. Yelping out as I try to regain some sort of balance, I look up to find her chuckling softly. As she continues to drag me towards her by my feet like a rag doll, I wonder if she’s gone insane. What the hell is she doing?
Maki pulls me so that gradually our bodies are touching, and she’s pulled my legs over hers and around her waist. I blush madly. I look at her and she’s blushing too. I don’t know where to put my hands, so I wrap them around the back of her neck, pulling her closer (if that was even possible in this position). My head reels and I think my heart pounds so hard that she could probably hear it. I swallow several times because my throat feels like a dirt track. Locked in this intimate position I can feel every breath she takes, and she can feel mine.
Finally, our lips meet. We kiss slowly and shyly at first. Our tongues dance intimately against each other, and my hands rake through her hair. The intensity builds as we kiss with more hunger, more force and more fire. We break apart for a moment, our breaths ragged and rough. She pushes me onto my back and kisses me again. Everything feels extremely heated. My heart races and so does my mind. I wonder if she’s ever kissed anyone like this before because it feels really good. After a few moments her hands begin to wander. Gently. Lightly. Barely touching me. I yearn for more.
Never in my wildest dreams had I thought about having Maki locked between my legs while passionately making out with her. Ok, that was a lie. I had thought about it, just never thought something like this would actually happen. Maki breaks away from my lips and I feel disappointed. I instantly forget that as soon as I feel her mouth against my neck. Sucking at my skin, leaving wet, hot trails, she makes me want her more than ever before.
Maki tears herself away from my neck because there’s a loud knocking at her door. Great timing. Nice way to kill the moment, whoever you are. Maki is conflicted, she looks at the door and then at me. The pounding continues. We’re still gasping for air, and she can’t decide what she wants to do. I don’t want her to get up.
“Ignore it,” I say firmly. She raises an eyebrow at my blunt command and shifts slightly on top of me. “Please ignore it?” I try to be a little nicer. Whoever is at the door starts calling out. Maki sighs, giving me an apologetic look and tries to untangle herself from me. I don’t want to let her go, but she’s stronger and manages to remove my grips on her.
“I’m really, really sorry. I’ll make it up to you,” she breathes against my lips, sending a nice, fuzzy feeling through my veins as she gives me a quick kiss. I don’t reply. I finally get to spend time with her, and it’s interrupted by someone hammering at the door. Why am I so upset over this? It’s not like we won’t get this opportunity again. I sigh and lie on the couch like a dead sardine as she answers the door.
I know that I was just trying to hide from my doubts, and now that the moment is ruined I have time to begin doubting again. It’s been two weeks since that conversation with the members of GAM, and one and a half weeks since I last saw Maki before this. I didn’t ask her about what she has to do with Miki and Matsuura-san… I was too scared. I’m not sure if they spoke to her at all after they spoke to me, and I’m not entirely sure that I want to know either. I know I’ve been thinking about it too much because last time Maki asked why I wasn’t ‘all there’. I made up some lame excuse about being tired. I don’t think she believed me…but she didn’t question me any further.
Gah…and wasn’t I the one who said we should talk about things more? So why can’t I bring myself to ask her something so simple? ‘Hey Maki-san, what have you got to do with Fujimoto-san and Matsuura-san?’ Hm…it doesn’t seem too hard…
Maki finally closes the door and returns with a small package. I sit up so that she can sit down beside me.
“What’s that?”
“Who knows. It’s from a family friend – he’s a doctor,” Maki replies, beginning to rip open the cardboard box. I wonder if now would be a good time to ask her. “De-stress Yourself in 10 Easy Steps,” Maki reads out the title of the book that was sent to her. For a moment she just stares at it, her eyes seem to glaze over.
“Maki?” I ask quietly, using the name she had told me to use, saying that I was being too formal all the time. What does the look in her eyes mean? I’m a little concerned now…but all she did was read the book title and then she seemed to be in another world. She blinks, looks at me and smiles.
“A little silly isn’t it? This book I mean,” she says and leaves it on her coffee table. She looks thoughtful. “Might be something you could use actually,” Maki says, reaching over to play with the simple bracelet that I’m wearing. I laugh at her.
“Is that so?” I ask playfully, wondering what she’s getting at. Her face remains serious as she pulls me into her arms and rests her head on mine.
“Yeah.”
My smile turns into a frown. Maki sounded sort of… defeated in her answer. For several minutes we sit in silence, thinking about whatever it is we think about. I wonder what she’s thinking about, and why she’s suddenly so uneasy. Maybe Miki said something to her… or maybe she has something to say to me… or maybe… maybe I’m just over analysing things again. I close my eyes and listen her steady breathing.
“All I wanted was for you to relax,” Maki says softly. My eyes snap open. What? What is she talking about? I haven’t voiced any concerns to her… and I haven’t showed any strain to her… at least I think I haven’t…
“What do you mean?” I say, moving my head to look at her. Her eyes show worry.
“I mean…something’s still bothering you. You didn’t say anything to me last time, and I let it be because I thought it would go away…but it hasn’t. Why can’t you just tell me?” Maki asks me sadly. My heart wrenches. She’s been worrying all this time? Why didn’t she say anything to me? Well, I could say the same for myself I suppose… but Maki was keeping quiet about it all this time. I look away uncomfortably… she hit the nail right on the head and I don’t know how to answer her.
“There’s nothing going on Maki,” I look up at her again, hoping she’ll buy it. Why can’t I be honest with her? She gazes into my eyes, searching for some sort of truth. I wonder if she can hear how fast my heart is beating right now.
“Even Miki said that you weren’t yourself lately,” she tells me. I narrow my eyes at the mention of Miki’s name. So Miki had been in contact with Maki? Why would she be? I thought they had nothing to do with each other the moment Gomattou’s activities had stopped.
“Fujimoto-san? What did she say about me?” I ask carefully, not wanting to give away my annoyance with Miki.
“That you were zoning out a lot, and you always had an anxious look on your face…things like that,” Maki replies. I can feel the tension between us steadily rising. It’s rising slowly, but it’s definitely there.
“What would she know?” I ask defensively. How would she know if I have something bothering me or not. In any case Miki is the cause of this entire situation. Why is she playing the innocent guardian? It’s Maki’s turn to narrow her eyes at me, and she pulls her arms away from me.
“Hey, Miki’s just looking out for you,” Maki defends Miki. My blood begins to curdle as I resent the very being that is Miki. I sit there and stare at the coffee table. Whose side is Maki on here? I hear her sigh. “Reina… Miki just told me what she saw, ok? There’s no need to be angry at her. I just asked her to keep an eye on you because I can’t always be there… I get worried about you, you know?” she says calmly, trying to reassure me. It doesn’t work. She asked Miki to keep an eye on me? I’m not some pre-schooler who needs to be looked after all the time. I look at Maki with disbelief as a sense of betrayal washes over me.
“So you think I need babysitting?” I ask her angrily. For half a second she looks confused and then understands what I’m saying. She shakes her head, her eyes full of panic.
“That’s not it! I just wanted to make sure that you’re ok, and Miki always knows when something isn’t right with people…” Maki tries to explain to me, tries to offer some sort of answer that would cool me down.
“I don’t have to be looked after all the time. So what if I’m four years younger than you? If you don’t like it then why did turn up again after all those years? What was the point in that if you were just going to put a watchdog on me? Why would you need one? To make sure I don’t fall and hurt myself? Is that it?”
I don’t even know what the words coming out of my mouth mean anymore. All that matters is that I say something – anything – so that I don’t break down and start crying. I don’t want to cry in front of Maki again. I don’t want to show her that weakness that is the cause of this all, the weakness that I can’t seem to control whenever I’m around Maki. I look at Maki – the shock and hurt in her eyes wrenches at my chest but I don’t say anything to try and ease it. Instead I just sit there stiffly, my eyes locked on hers.
“No,” Maki replies, her voice a mere whisper. This doesn’t even seem to be about Miki anymore, it’s turned into something about us. Seeing the tears form in her eyes is making myself tear up, my chest feels all tight as I try to fight it back.
“Forget it,” I stand up and promptly walk towards the door. I don’t want her to see me crying, so this is all I can do. I’m so frustrated and angry at her, but why do the tears have to show up all the time?
“Reina!” Maki calls out to me.
I don’t stop. I don’t turn around. I don’t say goodbye.
I slam the door shut before she can stop me and run into the elevator. Once the doors close I allow the tears to flow freely, the drops falling onto the floor, making me feel worse by the second.
Why did I get so angry at Maki? Did I overreact? Maybe Miki is partially to blame, because if Maki hadn’t mentioned her name, I wouldn’t have reacted the way I did. Great, now I just sound like I’m looking for someone to lay the blame on. I wipe at my face as I try to calm down.
I know it was more about that fact that Maki thinks that I need to be watched, like some juvenile, making sure I don’t get myself into some sort of trouble. I begin to think that I should go back upstairs to Maki and patch things up with her. It’s at this moment that I feel swamped by shame and embarrassment for acting the way I did. How can I look her in the eye after I carelessly ran out on her? I didn’t even try and listen to what she had to say…
The elevator reaches ground floor. I don’t go back up to Maki. I just keep on walking.
A small part of me wishes that Maki never stepped back into my life. It’s only a small part… but right now it feels so strong.
Topic: Sun (updated 25th April!!! CHAPTER 12 up!) (Read 23234 times)