Author's note: Thanks to Rhythm, Kyuartz, Matsui XI, Bukiyou Taiyou, Guacamoolee, facarous and Minami-chan for leaving a comment on chapter 37! It's always greatly motivating to receive feedback and read your comments.
Here's finally chapter 38. I hope the quality and length (it's twice longer as a normal chapter, and the longest chapter I've ever written for the trilogy!) will make it up for the wait.
CHAPTER 38
When Rena woke up, the first thing she perceived was the subtle citrus scent reaching her nostrils. A smile unconsciously grazed her lips as she refamiliarized herself with the delicate scent greeting her. Inevitably, a wave of nostalgia swept through her as she remembered those countless mornings she had woken up by Jurina’s side, enveloped by the same, pleasant smell of the younger girl’s characteristic shampooing.
Rena breathed a small sigh of content and kept her eyes closed, wishing to enjoy the soothing sensation as long as possible. Her heartbeat was calm and steady; her mind at peace and her body relaxed. Rena felt plenty rested; she hadn’t slept so well in years. And she was perfectly conscious that the comfort of her hotel bed was far from being the reason for her current blissful state.
Rena began to stretch and she extended her arm to reach the place beside her, expecting nothing else but to find her special person lying there, abruptly pausing when her palm met the cold surface.
Rena knitted her brows, puzzled, and finally peeled her eyes open. As her gaze fell upon the space next to her, she discovered that she was completely alone. The room was plunged into the obscurity and Rena shifted to the side, blinking, taking time to properly adjust to the darkness.
Her senses now fully awakened, her perplexity grew a notch at the profound quietness of the hotel room. Without contest, Jurina always had great difficulty getting up in the morning. However, once she was up and alert, she was anything by restless, rummaging through her drawers frenetically and getting dressed in the speed of light. Strangely, at this précised instant, there seemed to be no sign of the former SKE’s ace.
“Jurina…?” Rena called, her voice still slightly groggy with sleep. “Jurina?” she repeated a few seconds later, a little louder and more assured, her initial confusion giving way to a flash of concern when a dreadful silence greeted her back.
Rena turned around and took a seat in bed, taking a better look at her surroundings. Despite the closed double curtains, Rena could tell the morning was already well advanced by the brightness of the light filtering from underneath. Soon enough, her attention got drawn to the bathroom in expectancy, only to be disappointed when she saw no light appearing at the bottom of the door.
Her heart beat suddenly increased as she assessed and tried to make sense of the situation. Her mind tried to find a logical explanation to Jurina’s absence, yet another less rational side of her emerged as she began to forge a first scenario in her head. Could Jurina have possibly already left for the convention? Rena contemplated this eventuality for a while, however finding it hard to believe that she would have gone without her.
As she ended up crossing out this option, another more pessimistic thought surged within her. Her chest tightened; apprehension fluttered through her. Wait. It couldn’t be… She couldn’t perhaps have invented what happened between she and Jurina yesterday, could she? The reconciliation. Jurina’s forgiveness. The words of love. The kisses exchanged. It couldn’t have been the fruit of her imagination, right?
“No, she was here. I didn’t imagine it…” Rena said to herself, trying not to fall prey to her doubts and fears. If truth be told, this morning looked awfully similar to certain horrible dreams she had had in the past. Nights when her devious mind took advantage of her state of unconsciousness to make up what her heart foolishly desired - to be one day forgiven and reunited with Jurina - only to have her hopes crushed when she awoke from her slumber, and discovered in disarray that everything she had envisioned was only the reflection of her tormented soul.
But this time, it was different: Rena tried to reason. She refused to think that she had imagined everything that happened in this room, not after her delightful evening with Jurina. Rena tilted her head back to the empty space by her side and glided her hand across the surface of the mattress, feeling the soft, yet cold fabric of the white bedsheet beneath her tremulous fingertips. The previous, faint citrus scent she was convinced to have smelled had now entirely vanished, reinforcing her insecurities.
“I didn’t… I didn’t imagine everything, did I?” Rena whispered in anguish. If it was a figment of her imagination, then why could she feel so vividly the pressure of Jurina’s soft lips against hers? Why could she hear with such clarity the words of forgiveness and love Jurina had uttered inside her ear? And why could she still bathe in the comfort Jurina’s warm, reassuring arms had procured her?
The sound of the front door opening made her jump and she looked up instantaneously, befuddled when she saw no one else but Jurina entering the hotel room.
“Ah Rena, you’re awake,” Jurina spoke up enthusiastically when she noticed the feminine silhouette on the bed, closing the door behind her and placing her keycard on the table, stopping short when she turned around and their gazes locked. “What… What is it? What happened?” She approached and took a seat by her side, staring back at her worriedly. “Rena, talk to me. What’s wrong?”
When Jurina reached out for her hand and laced their fingers together, Rena jolted out of her daze. “No, I’m…” Rena stammered, having difficulty formulating a coherent explanation. “You weren’t here when I woke up, so I… so I thought…”
“You thought I had left?” Jurina’s face showed amusement, but darkened when the older girl opposite her didn’t respond. “Wait, you did? You really think I would leave you like this? How could I leave you after what happened between us yesterday?”
“Not, it’s not…” Embarrassment rose in Rena’s cheeks as she realized how stupid she must appear.
Clearly, she didn’t want to admit the extent of what had truly crossed her mind in Jurina’s absence: there was no use to concern her with her ridiculous thoughts. “I was just surprised when I woke up and you weren’t here,” Rena forced a smile, trying to sound reassuring. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…” When she noted that her words didn’t have the desired effect and Jurina still looked both worried and confused, she cradled Jurina’s face with her hands, softly kissing her cheek. “It’s nothing. I’m fine, don’t worry.”
Jurina’s expression softened; her features relaxed into a smile. “I needed to make a quick phone call to my agent and I didn’t want to take the risk of waking you up, so I went in the hallway.”
“Oh, I see…” Rena processed the piece of information, indeed noticing the Smartphone secured in Jurina’s hand. Now, she definitely felt ashamed for having drawn such silly conclusions. “Nothing serious, I hope?”
“No, not at all. She sent me a few changes in my work schedule, and I wanted to look over my planning with her. I thought I would be back by the time you wake up…” Jurina’s voice trailed away in unease. “I’m sorry, I should have left you a note.”
“Let’s not think about it anymore, alright?” Rena replied, starting to feel truly bad for having worried the other girl unreasonably with her foolish behavior. “I’m fine. Everything is fine,” she added confidently, not wishing to dwell on the embarrassing subject any longer when her previous fears proved to be completely unfounded. “Tell me,” she squeezed Jurina’s fingers lightly, before asking in curiosity. “What time is it?”
“Ah, about that,” Jurina cleared her throat nervously. “Actually… it’s already quite late. It’s almost 10 a.m.”
“W-What?” A look of stupefaction came to Rena’s face. “Why didn’t you wake me up? I promised Airin we would leave the hotel at 9 a.m. There was a Square Enix conference she didn’t want to miss this morning!”
“I guess I didn’t have the heart to wake you up,” Jurina confessed a little guiltily. “You looked so peaceful and beautiful in your sleep. Was I… Was I wrong?”
Rena felt words failing her, moved by Jurina’s kindness and thoughtfulness. “No, you’re right… I slept extremely well yesterday.”
At the obvious pleasure lighting Jurina’s face, Rena smiled affectionately in return. When Jurina leaned forward to kiss her, Rena gladly welcomed Jurina’s soft lips on hers. They exchanged a first gentle kiss of reacquaintance, then another one, Rena feeling chills down her spine when Jurina gave her a lingering, amorous look.
“About the convention,” Jurina spoke up, gently breaking the kiss. “I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Airi and Akane already left.”
“They did?” Rena exclaimed in disbelief, following Jurina’s retreating form as she went to retrieve a piece of paper from the table.
“When I woke up, I found this under the door,” Jurina explained, handling it to her, and regaining her position next to her.
Rena accepted the note, taking in the hotel header at the top of the letter, recognizing Airi’s handwriting as she began to read.
Rena, Jurina,
You were both sleeping when we left for breakfast and we didn’t want to wake you up, so we thought it was best to leave ahead for the convention. You can join us later at the venue when you’re ready, or maybe you prefer to spend the weekend together?
Airi.“Do you think… they figured it out?” Jurina asked, her voice mingled with hesitation and curiosity.
Rena smiled a little awkwardly, not quite sure how to put it when Jurina had evidently missed all evening Airi’s numerous attempts to play the matchmaker. “I don’t know. It’s… It’s possible.”
A long pause followed suit, during which Rena wondered what could possibly be going through Jurina’s head as a succession of contradicting expressions crossed her face, until Jurina’s eyes suddenly went wide like saucers. “Wait! Is this why Airi suggested to have dinner? And why she wanted to go to the cinemas with Churi? She was trying… She was trying to leave us alone?”
“I thought you would never notice,” Rena joked, laughing softly at Jurina’s moment of epiphany. “Yes, it was her intention. You see, Airin… From the minute we met in the hotel hallway, she became determined to help us spend more time together.”
Jurina seemed positively stunned by the revelation. “Then I guess… Then I guess I should thank her next time I see her.”
Rena could distinguish a new emotion shining in the depth of Jurina’s brown eyes. Somehow, she could tell she was not only taken aback by Airi’s actions, but also sincerely touched by them. “When you’re ready, we can go and have breakfast. The buffet is still opened for about 20 minutes. We should be able to make it on time,” Jurina said with a self-assured smile. “Then we can go to the convention and text them to find a meeting point inside the venue. What do you think?”
“Oh, sure…” Rena answered, holding back her slight disappointment. “Yes, of course. I’ll get changed and we can go downstairs to have breakfast.”
Jurina played with her fingers and leaned forward in anticipation, their mouths gently coming in contact as they shared a series of slow, sweet exploratory kisses. Rena’s arms slipped around Jurina’s neck, bringing them closer, desiring to erase all negative thoughts from her mind once and for all. Jurina showed no sign of wanting to break free from her embrace and Rena whispered three little words of love against Jurina’s warm lips, shuddering in pleasure when they were immediately returned.
Rena opened her suitcase and took out comfortable clothes to wear for the convention, the next moment stepping inside the bathroom. Not wishing to make Jurina wait too long when she was already terribly late, she decided that it was wiser to wait until after breakfast to have her daily morning shower and, once she was fully clothed, diverted her attention to her makeup bag. As she began to rummage through it, she changed her mind at the last minute, realizing it was also best to leave it aside for now if she didn’t want to lose too much time. Right as she was about to close it and warn Jurina that she was ready to leave, her fingers encountered a red box at the bottom of the makeup bag, causing her heart to skip a beat.
Rena’s feet abruptly paused on the tilted floor, finding herself simply unable to move away or to detach her eyes from the familiar view. Her fingers acted on impulse, opening the small, square box conscientiously. As Rena came face to face with the silver ring hanging on the necklace, she slowly and carefully turned it between her fingertips, studying once more the lovely inscription engraved inside.
Forever yours.In an instant, she felt overwhelmed with emotion.
After her agonizingly painful breakup with Jurina, every time she would put the necklace on and read again the words of love, she couldn’t help but relive the past in a mixture of melancholy and nostalgia. Torn between her wish to go back in time and the need to move forward for her own mental sake, the thought of her fond memories with Jurina too frequently managed to bring the sting of tears to her eyes.
This morning, Rena didn’t know how long she played with the piece of jewelry, admiring at length the meaningful gift she had received for her 25th birthday from Jurina on a sunny afternoon of July in Kyoto. For so long, this ring symbolized Jurina’s unconditional love for her: an affection she had cherished and returned with all her heart, yet ended up hurting in the cruelest way on that fateful day of April 2017.
As Rena reflected upon Jurina’s recent words of forgiveness, and the mutual feelings of love that had been confessed on that emotional snowy evening of December, she found again the courage and faith to believe in their destiny. Could this ring represent a new beginning? A brighter future for she and Jurina? If there was one thing she absolutely didn’t want, it was to take the risk of putting too much pressure on Jurina with her expectations, not when their reconciliation was still fresh and they had barely reconnected.
Rena removed the necklace from the red box, unclipping the clasp of the chain, and carefully placed it around her neck as she had done countless of times in the past. After clipping it back in place, she looked up and studied her reflection through the mirror, her fingertips grazing the outlines of the ring appreciatively.
“Rena, are you alright?” A sudden, soft knock sounded on the bathroom door.
“Yes, I’m ready,” Rena replied, snapping out of her reverie and cautiously tucking the ring under her tee-shirt. Glancing around the bathroom, she made sure one last time she hadn’t forgotten anything, before moving back towards the door. “Sorry for the wait,” she said a little apologetically when she opened and found Jurina standing on the doorstep.
Rena understood by Jurina’s slight worried look that she had been hogging the bathroom for unusually long, and she knew her inadvertent reminiscence of the past was in cause. “I’m good to go,” she took Jurina’s hand, pressing a light, reassuring kiss to her cheek. “Let’s go and have breakfast.”
She didn’t have to wait long to see Jurina’s expression changing and drawing in a slow, steady smile of happiness.
They left the hotel room soon after and walked in the direction of the elevator, Airi’s note soon coming back to the forefront of Rena’s mind. For some odd reason, Rena realized she wasn’t as impatient anymore to attend the manga and anime convention. As she stepped inside the elevator and tried to figure out her strange change of heart, everything suddenly made sense. Of course, her best friend knew her all too well.
Rena leaned her back against the elevator’s wall and observed pensively Jurina while she pressed the Reception button, the doors immediately closing in response. “We could also do as Airin suggested…” she started, a little hesitant. “And spend the day together.”
Her question owed her Jurina’s clear surprise. “What? But… this convention is important to you, isn’t it? You came all the way here to go to this event. I don’t want you to miss it.”
“Yes, I was looking forward to it,” Rena admitted in all-honesty. “But right now, I just want to spend more time with you. So, if you feel like it too, we could spend the day together? Just the two of us?”
When Jurina made no immediate reply, Rena realized her mistake. “I’m sorry, it was selfish of me. I forgot that you came here to spend the weekend with Akane. I shouldn’t have said that,” she paused, feeling embarrassed, before adding tentatively. “I’m sure we’ll have the opportunity to see each other when we go back to Nagoya. Let’s stick to our initial plan and go the conven-”
“I also want to spend the weekend with you,” Jurina interrupted her, catching Rena off guard, and quickly closing the distance between them. “In fact, I wanted to ask you the same thing earlier on, if you wanted us to spend the weekend together, but as I remembered that you came here to be with Airi, I didn’t know… I didn’t want to…”
Rena felt warmth spread through her chest at Jurina’s genuine confession, wondering what she had done to deserve to have such a loving, considerate person in her life. She put her arms around Jurina and held her close. “Then it’s settled,” she dropped her chin on Jurina’s shoulder with a sigh of pleasure, her heart pounding in anticipation. “Let’s spend the weekend together.”
“What about this one?”
Rena’s feet paused, checking in curiosity the new clothing store Jurina was showing to her. “Yes, let’s take a look around,” she agreed, smiling to herself when Jurina didn’t waste time in bringing her inside.
After a nice breakfast at the hotel restaurant, they had both contemplated how to pass the day, before deciding to go out and visit the area of Makuhari Messe. They spent most of the morning simply enjoying each other’s company and strolling in the streets, stopping now and then to admire the several Christmas illuminations decorating the districts and beautiful window shops.
This Saturday of late December, the city was filled with Christmas spirit, the magical atmosphere emphasized by the enchanting sight of the snow covering the streets and parks. Around lunch time, they settled at the
Pesce d'Oro restaurant to enjoy a delicious dish of pasta and seafood, then opted for spending the rest of the afternoon exploring the Aeon Mall Makuhari Shintoshin.
Every now and then, Jurina would casually catch her hand and Rena wouldn’t hesitate to intertwine their fingers, listening to Jurina’s amusing stories and shooting anecdotes while sharing in return a book or a videogame she was currently invested into. Right after lunch, they had visited the Tsutaya bookstore - Jurina buying a cooking book full of new recipes she was eager to try – while she couldn’t resist herself a brand-new pair of red sneakers at the Adidas store. More than once, Rena rejoiced at how easy and natural their interactions felt, almost as if those three years of separation had never existed.
While Jurina would be busy checking some item she was interested in, Rena would occasionally steal a look at her from aside, finding Jurina’s enthusiasm not only downright adorable, but her manifest happiness greatly communicative. They were having nothing else but a wonderful time, and she came to wish this carefree moment between them would never end. It was now the beginning of the afternoon, and they had until now been enjoying every minute of their day together.
The new shop they had entered was quite crowed at this period of the year; families, couples and friends doing last minute shopping for the annual festivities. As she and Jurina were wandering in the Women’s clothing section, a switch flipped inside Rena’s head when she caught sight of a charming, blue pair of winter gloves. The matching woolen scarf on the above shelf also grabbed her attention and she seized both items without delay, soon casting a glance around.
She didn’t have to search long to find the person she was looking for studying a winter hat a few shelves away.
“Found something you like?” Rena approached and questioned once she stood beside the other girl. The undivided attention Jurina was giving to this specific woolen hat with red and blue stripes was enough proof and information to tell that it undeniably appealed to her.
“I like this hat,” Jurina replied, confirming her predictions. “I think I want to buy it,” she put it on and checked her appearance through the shop mirror, before glancing back at her in expectation. “What do you think?”
“It does look nice on you,” Rena replied sincerely.
A smile of happiness plastered Jurina’s features. “Then it’s decided. I’m buying it,” she stated with assurance, until noticing the scarf and pair of gloves Rena was holding. “Did you find anything for you?”
“It’s not for me,” Rena said, gently wrapping the scarf around Jurina’s neck, before holding out the pair of matching gloves. “Try them on?”
Albeit startled, Jurina complied to her request and slipped on the first glove, then the second. “They are comfortable and warm,” she nodded in agreement, turning towards the mirror to take another good look at herself. “And I like the scarf too.”
Rena’s face shone with satisfaction and pleasure. “Good, then it’s yours. I’m buying them.”
Jurina stared back at her in amazement. “Eh? Why? You don’t need to. I have money. I can pay.”
“I know you do,” Rena’s voice tinted with amusement. “What I meant is, I’m buying them for you as a gift.”
“You don’t,” Jurina babbled nervously, heat rising in her cheeks. “It’s really nice of you, but you don’t need to give me a present. I didn’t give you anything today.”
“And I’m not asking you to,” Rena smiled warmly, shaking her head in protest. “I’m not expecting anything in return.”
Rena could almost see the gears turning within Jurina’s head as she looked her full in the eye for an endless time. “No, really, I can’t accept…”
Rena laughed in bewilderment. “You don’t have to make such a big deal about it. It’s a very simple and modest present…”
“It doesn’t matter,” Jurina refused stubbornly.
Rena began to quietly cry out of sheer frustration. “Can you please…” she took a determined step forward, tugging onto the end of Jurina’s scarf. “Can you please not be so difficult and let me do this for you? Please?”
A look of astonishment crossed Jurina’s face.
When no further retort left Jurina’s lips, Rena breathed a sigh of relief. “I see certain things haven’t changed,” she added teasingly, running her fingers along the fabric of Jurina’s blue woollen scarf. “You’re still as obstinate as ever.”
“I’m not-” Jurina began to protest, before stopping short when the corners of Rena’s mouth curved upwards in amusement. “Alright, maybe sometimes…” Jurina admitted timidly. “Thank you, Rena. Thank you for these gifts.”
It always amazed Rena how the 23-year-old girl standing in front of her could act so self-confidently in front of a crowd of thousand people, yet at the same time behave like a flustered, little girl when confronted with the simple act of receiving a gift. At the cute sight, Rena dropped a gentle kiss on Jurina’s cheek, chuckling softly when the younger girl spontaneously embraced her. For nothing in the world, she would want that charming duality in Jurina’s personality to change.
It was past 4 p.m. when they decided to give their feet a well-deserved respite and settled down at a café inside the shopping center. After they both checked the menu and agreed on what to take, Rena rose from her seat to go and order, taken aback when Jurina jumped on her feet and insisted on doing it. Despite finding Jurina’s behavior a little peculiar, Rena easily relented and didn’t think too much about it, passing it off as a simple act of kindness. For a little while, Rena followed distractedly Jurina’s silhouette as she made her way to the cashier, until she heard her cellphone beeping and drew her attention to the device laying on the table.
As she unlocked the screen and checked her messages, she saw that she had received a new text from Airi.
There was quite a lot of people today, but I still managed to get you a few goodies. Square Enix and Capcom made some big announcement and we were able to try out a few new games in demonstration. We’re currently attending a panel with Yuki Tabata; he just announced a sequel to Black Clover. After the convention, there’s a special projection at the Aeon cinema of the movie adaptation of The Promised Neverland that Akane wants to go. Maybe we can all meet later for dinner? I hope your day is going well with Jurina.Rena’s face spread into a smile of pleasure. Airi’s enthusiasm might be somewhat contained in her message, she could easily read between the lines: it was more than obvious that her best friend was truly enjoying herself. “Airin just texted me,” Rena spoke up, when she noticed from her peripheral vision Jurina returning to the table. “It looks like they are having a good time.”
“Really? I’m happy to hear that,” Jurina brightened at the news, sliding into the chair opposite her. “Yes, I’m really glad to know that they are getting along.”
For a shrinking moment Jurina paused and Rena frowned, seeing Jurina’s expressive face changing and becoming almost somber. “To be honest, I’m relieved. They used to be such close friends but all of a sudden, everything changed. They stopped seeing each other as often, and I always felt bad about it…”
“Why? You’re not responsible,” Rena said, bewildered, before sighing regretfully. “I am…”
When she faced Jurina’s surprise, a look of sadness passed over Rena’s features. “Akane wanted to understand the situation better, which was legitimate and completely understandable. And Airin… she was only following my wishes; protecting the truth for my sake. It took me a while to realize that what I was asking of her was terribly unfair. Akane was her friend too, and she shouldn’t have been put in such a difficult situation. But the harm was already done.”
Rena felt a slight constriction in her throat and lapsed into silence. It was the second time that she shared her feeling of guilt with someone else. Even if she knew Airi had never held it against her - refusing her words of apology and affirming she had nothing to feel sorry for - Rena knew deep down that she had acted wrongly and insensitively. “I just hope that someday Akane will be able to accept me again. Forgive me for the hurt I caused you, and for being the source of disagreements between she and Airin.”
“I think…” Jurina paused and maneuvered her thoughts. “I think she already has,” she continued, her tone confident again. “Otherwise, she wouldn’t have accepted to go to the convention with Airi, and we wouldn’t be sitting here together.”
Rena met Jurina’s hopeful gaze with a faint smile. She could tell Jurina was doing her best to sound reassuring, but she didn’t manage to share her faith. She didn’t fool herself into believing things were so easy, not when her breakup with Jurina had formed a rift between she and one of Jurina’s closest friends. Even if she had indeed witnessed Akane acting in connivance with Airi the previous evening, she was lucid that it would take some time to regain Akane’s complete trust.
The serious exchange was broken by the arrival of the male waiter, Rena allowing herself to relax as she gladly welcomed the interruption. She watched with interest as the waiter placed Jurina’s dessert - the banana and chocolate pancake, along with her mango fruit yoghurt - in front of her, concealing a smile as a satisfied light instantly came into Jurina’s eyes, before the waiter turned towards her.
Rena could see everything had been baked and prepared down to the finest detail as she studied, quite impressed, her matcha chiffon cake that looked delicious, but couldn’t contain her surprise when she discovered the heart-shaped cream at the top of her hot café Moka. Rena listened absentmindedly as the male waiter excused himself and left the table, before raising her gaze in slight confusion, only to see Jurina looking at her with a secret smile.
That’s when it hit her.
Now, she understood why Jurina was so adamant on ordering.
Rena’s heart fluttered in her chest and she admired the beautiful, perfectly shaped-heart cream inside her cup of coffee. Jurina’s special attention was incredibly cheesy yet lovely at the same time, and she smiled back at her fondly, her lips forming a silent thank you. She could tell Jurina was definitely proud of herself and the reaction she had provoked when she saw the younger girl beaming with affection and delight.
They were halfway through their dessert, Rena discussing a Japanese TV show she was watching at the moment, when she noticed that Jurina seemed slightly elsewhere. Rena arched an eyebrow at Jurina’s strange behavior before her attention got drawn to the new music playing in the background, recognizing one of SKE’s most famous and oldest songs, Oki Doki. As a certain conversation they both had back in September during Jurina’s graduation concert came rushing back, Rena wondered if the joyful, energic tune playing in the air couldn’t be the reason for Jurina’s current distracted look.
Rena stopped eating, and gazed at her a little worriedly. “Jurina? Are you alright?”
Her words seemed to bring Jurina back to reality, as her eyes immediately refocused back on her. “Ah yes, I’m fine. I’m sorry. It just makes me feel a little nostalgic when I hear an old SKE song. It brings back so many memories. You’ll think it’s silly,” Jurina shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “But the first weeks following my graduation, it was weird to hear their music on the radio or see the group performing on TV shows without me. There were times in which I felt not myself, almost melancholic.”
Understanding crossed Rena’s face.
“I don’t think it’s silly at all,” Rena gently disagreed. “You were SKE’s center for more than ten years. I don’t expect you to turn the page and move on so easily from something that had such a deep impact on your life.”
“I guess…” Jurina’s voice trailed away uncertainly.
After a thoughtful pause, Jurina continued in a lighter tone. “But you were right when you told me the feeling would eventually fade away. It took me a while, but now, when I look at these girls and see how hardworking they are, how much they fight for SKE and never give up no matter what, I feel more at ease. I know I need to take my distance from the group, but as long as SKE will exist, I will keep supporting them, even from afar.”
Rena couldn’t help but feel impressed by her candid honesty; she knew Jurina meant strongly everything she said. “I know you will keep on supporting them. And I also know you will remain a role model for them and the future generations; a person they will always look up to for everything you’ve accomplished.”
“And to you too,” Jurina said, conviction filling her voice as she reached across the table to catch Rena’s hand in hers. “SKE was never just about me. The group would never have grown and thrived so much without your passion and dedication. I would never have been able to lead the group and gain so much confidence in myself without your support and presence by my side.”
Rena gently laced Jurina’s fingers with her own, moved by her touching declaration and the warmth of Jurina’s smile. It certainly wasn’t the first time Jurina said such words so vibrantly, yet the influence Jurina liked to attribute her on her role in the idol group still managed to destabilize her. Somehow, it was hard for her to wrap her head around the concept that a person as ordinary and unpretentious as herself could truly have been a driving force for someone else.
But maybe it was a little unfair of her to demean her importance and cast some doubt upon Jurina’s profound convictions. After all, a certain enthusiastic, energetic and extroverted young girl named Jurina Matsui had a long time ago equally played a crucial part in her life, bringing her out of her shell, pushing back her limits, and offering her one of the most significant lessons of her life: that nothing is impossible when you believe in yourself.
It was already pitch dark outside when they reached the hotel after dinner, Jurina astonished and admittedly a little disappointed by how exceptionally fast the day had gone by. Rena slid the keycard inside the lock and, after parting ways with Akane and Airi and bidding them goodnight, they both entered the hotel room, Jurina realizing how much she had truly missed out these last three years. She used to believe so ardently that her work accomplishments were enough to make her a happy person.
Spending only one single day with the 29-year-old long, brown-haired actress named Rena Matsui had been enough to put in question her deepest beliefs.
If she had to be entirely honest with herself, she had vainly attempted to act strong and mature during all these years. To convince herself that she was plenty capable of moving on. That she would eventually manage to forget about that special person who had been an intrinsic part of her universe for almost ten years, and whom she had admired, praised and loved so wholeheartedly. No, nothing had ever been the same anymore without Rena. And after this perfect day together, Jurina was conscious that her life would simply never be complete again if Rena wasn’t fully by her side.
Jurina’s eyes followed her affectionately while Rena removed her gloves and boots and placed her warm, black winter coat inside the closet. Rena commented how pleasant the dinner was with Akane and Airi and she couldn’t help but agree, feeling once more drunk with happiness when Rena drew closer and connected their lips in a gentle kiss. After exchanging a lingering, loving smile, Rena made her way to the bathroom and Jurina heaved a deep contented sigh, before glancing down to the brand-new blue pair of gloves that she was wearing.
For a while, she couldn’t help but feel stupidly, childishly giddy, feeling the color rush into her cheeks, before slipping off her gloves and hanging her coat next to Rena’s. While she listened to the sound of water falling in the shower, she went to take one last look of appreciation at the snowy view outside, then closed the double curtains, soon falling lost in thoughts. The previous evening, she had been overwhelmed with happiness, her raw, intense emotions guiding every single one of her words, actions and affectionate gestures. She had purely enjoyed the present moment, not thinking too seriously about what laid ahead of them.
After the small incident that occurred this morning, Jurina was aware certain things were left unsaid, and she ought to speak her mind to wash away any possible remaining uncertainties between she and Rena. It had taken her a while to grasp Rena’s unusual behavior; why she looked so unusually fragile and destabilized, so frightened that she had left her behind. It was completely ridiculous to believe such a thing: Jurina had thought at the time, wondering why on earth such a strange idea would cross Rena’s head.
During the course of their dinner with Akane and Airi, her mind had wandered a few times back to this conversation. When she reflected upon her own current state of mind, she finally managed to put the pieces back together. When Rena had confessed her feelings for her, and to never stopping loving her all these years, it had felt almost… surreal. If Rena hadn’t been standing right in front of her and repeated her words of love, she could easily have convinced herself she was imagining the whole scene.
This morning too, when she had woken up and gazed down upon the lovely sight of Rena sleeping peacefully by her side, she had also experienced a slight sensation of disbelief. Maybe she had been focusing too much on her own overwhelming thoughts and feelings to not pay enough attention to what was happening under her nose. To remember that Rena wasn’t always the strong, composed and mature girl that magazines liked to portray, but could sometimes also be shy, fragile and insecure.
Jurina felt a little remorseful for failing to interpret the situation better. She and Rena were in fact going through a similar phase: they were both having a hard time accepting that life was truly giving them a second opportunity.
“Jurina? Are you alright?” Jurina’s eyes shot up when she saw Rena stepping out of the bathroom: she hadn’t even heard the water stopping. Rena was now dressed in her pajamas, and gazing at her in a mixture of curiosity and concern. “You seem elsewhere… What’s on your mind?”
“There’s something important I need to tell you,” Jurina walked towards her decisively, feeling her heart thumping erratically as she knew she was about to pour her heart out and there would be no turning back after that.
“What is it?” Rena asked affectionately, planting a gentle kiss on Jurina’s cheek. “You know you can tell me everything.”
“I know why you looked scared this morning, why you believed I had left you. But Rena, what is happening right now between us is real. I want you back in my life,” Jurina murmured earnestly, gathering her against her chest. “Not for a day, a weekend, a few weeks or months. Not for an occasional phone call to keep in touch with each other’s life. Not for a brief conversation around a cup of coffee to catch up with lost time. I want us to be as we were before. No, even more. I don’t want us to hide. I want to proudly be able to say that you’re the person that I love.”
Jurina’s lips brushed hers in a kiss, tightening her hold when she felt Rena’s body quivering against her. When their lips slowly disconnected, Jurina held her breath in anticipation and her eyes came to study Rena’s face, feeling the muscles in her stomach clenching nervously as she awaited Rena’s reaction.
Rena’s eyes were brimming with happiness as she caught Jurina’s hand inside hers to place it over her heart, warmth filling Jurina from within when she felt the irregular fluttering beneath her palm. As Rena guided next her fingers to her neck and the piece of jewelry she was wearing, Jurina’s eyes widened in disbelief when Rena pulled it out and she discovered it was far from any ordinary pendant.
It was a silver ring.
Her silver ring.
“Y-You still wear it?” Jurina couldn’t hide the sudden tremor in her voice as the implication sank in.
Pleasure found their way to Jurina’s eyes and she drew her face to hers in a renewed embrace. She sought Rena’s mouth with her own, before showering kisses around her lips and along her jaw, kissing her with a new fervor, a hunger that belied her outward calm. “No matter what happens next, no matter the moments of hardships we might go through in our lives, I’m never letting you go again. Never…”
“I love you,” Rena whispered huskily against her lips, then kissed her on the forehead, the nose, the cheek, and finally gently back on the mouth. “You and no one else. I truly mean it, Jurina. I mean i-”
Jurina smothered her last words with a quick press of her lips, feeling Rena’s arms bringing them even closer in response. Her pulse quickened when she felt Rena’s hands roaming up and down her back, urgently caressing her body through the fabric of her tee-shirt. When Rena’s fingers cleverly found a breach underneath and moved upwards to glide over her skin, she shivered with delight, realizing how much she had truly missed and craved for Rena’s sensual touch.
Jurina’s eyes fluttered open, her heart racing at the clear, more intimate direction the strong emotional moment they were sharing was taking, the double meaning of Rena’s gaze very obvious as it reflected her love and need for her all at once.
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Author's note: I had the censor the last part of the chapter to respect the guidelines of JPHIP.
You can find the full, uncensored version of this chapter
HERE.
TO BE CONTINUED