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Author Topic: LoyalFlutist's OS Haven - Trapped [Mayuki] (08/08/21)  (Read 111061 times)

Offline Llyloo

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Re: LoyalFlutist's OS Haven - I've Always Loved You (JuriMayu) [03/28/13]
« Reply #40 on: March 29, 2013, 10:03:08 AM »
Eeeeh. Eeeeh. You're cruel. During all the fic I started to think to change my OTP for JuriMayu. (Even if when I think it's the first couple that I loved in AKB48 xD and still really love them).

My heart of Mayuki's fan is sad but... WOW *w* I really love that fic, I really love JuriMayu, they're so cute *w* I want moaaaar.

Mayuki is still my OTP... I keep hope in them èwé.

Thanks you ♥♥♥

And me I want wandering ship èwé. XD

Offline mayuki_daisuki

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Re: LoyalFlutist's OS Haven - I've Always Loved You (JuriMayu) [03/28/13]
« Reply #41 on: March 29, 2013, 12:26:45 PM »
LoyalFlutist-san :shifty: what do you mean by this fic??
I love Jurimayu, but Mayuki is still no.1 in my heart!! :angry1:
hauu...I love the fic, it's so sweet and well written as always, but it's so sad :fainted: :badluck:
again you managed to make me shed tears :on speedy: :on drench:
but what I can I say you are an amazing writer :mon wind:
hope you recover well, and looking forward to further updates :heart: :yep:
thanx for the os :cow: :bow:
My kami-oshi is Mayuyu, and my oshimen is Oku Manami.

Offline Wmatsui22

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Re: LoyalFlutist's OS Haven - I've Always Loved You (JuriMayu) [03/28/13]
« Reply #42 on: March 30, 2013, 01:00:04 PM »
I've Always Love You

Wow! a JuriMayu fanfic... :D

This One-Shot is very nice but a slight clif hanger?

I also like the playful side of Jurina and flirting with Mayu :D

This two is very cute couple!

It's so sad for Yukirin....

Thanks for making this nice one-shot!

Please make  more!

I am a fan of AkB48.

I really love their songs.

I really like their fan fiction.

Offline Seigus

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Re: LoyalFlutist's OS Haven - I've Always Loved You (JuriMayu) [03/28/13]
« Reply #43 on: March 30, 2013, 02:22:45 PM »
Thank you for this one-shot. Jurina's bubbly and straightforward personality is always a joy to read about and we can count on her to cheer up the heartbroken Mayuyu. BUT! I'm still sticking by my OTP :P Even if the ship appears to be sinking, I will still believe in them. Someone gave me a very good piece of advice: Just keep shipping!

Anyway, the main point of this post is not to advertise my OTP but to wish you all the best with your surgery. May you have a smooth and speedy recovery. Take good care and I'll wait patiently for your return! :deco:

Offline qweakb

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It rare to read JuriMayu fic to me.. Thank you  :kneelbow:

I love this pair too even though Mayuki is the best ><

@qweakb: I will have part 2 for it later~  :glPosteriores:

can't wait for the part 2 to come!!!!

It seems that many of you both on Tumblr and on here want a second part to it. Very well! I'll hopefully get to write it after I recover from my surgery.

get well soon :)
Become AKB fan after watching AKB0048.
Oshimen : Takamina and Mayu
Favorite pair : TakaAstu, Mayukirin, KumiYuria, Wmatsui, JirinaMayu etc.
(After reading the fanfic, my favorite pair just keep increasing :( )

Offline LoyalFlutist

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@ChuuuPuffss: I'm sure Mayuki will give us more surprises in the future. :3

@Llyloo: LOL, Mayuki is still my OTP too, don't worry! :P

@mayuki_daisuki: Oh nosh! Tissue once more, mayuki_daisuki-san? *tissue* Don't worry! Mayuki is still my OTP! XD

@Wmatsui22: I'll let you decide if it's a cliffhanger or not~ And Jurina is always a flirt, especially with Rena and Mayu. 8D

@seigus: And keep on shipping indeed! I don't plan on losing any hope for my pairing (I think), so no worries. XD

@qweakb: Mayuki forever,  haha~ :)

It seems that this fiction made it look like I stopped believing in Mayuki and turned into a JuriMayu shipper instead or something. Although the previous one shot did focus on the negativity of their relationship, I can assure you all that I still ship Mayuki with my captain's hat. 8D

New OS and hopefully I'll have the motivation in the future to write continuations to the other one shots. (I didn't forget about it, so don't worry!)

Melting the Cold Heart [Mayuki]

My tongue clicked against the roof of my mouth. Eyes squinted till they were just barely opened for my view. The smell of flames ignited from the Bunsen burner wafted up gently into the air as the blue color shot upward towards the ceiling a couple centimeters. White gloved hands carefully picking up a test tube from a nearby black metal rack, I was examining the clear liquid within the thin glass container. Goggles protecting the pair of eyes on my face from any debris or unwanted substances, I inhaled deeply when I had my left hand operate the silver clamp’s handle.

I was squeezing the handle till I got the claw grabbing ahold of the test tube. With a release, the two end point securely tightened its hold on the glass container; keeping it safe from any slips and accidental drops. Exhaling quietly through my nostrils, my left hand moved the tube over the burning flame.

The bottom of the test tube was just barely above the tip of the blue flames. The clear liquid in a few seconds soon bubbled and created a reaction. The bubbling though was reproducing at an unexpectedly rapid rate. My eyebrows scrunched together, which formed a frown upon my face.

‘This isn’t right… I don’t remember such chemical reactions occurring with this specific cation…’

My train of thoughts though were interrupted when the door slammed opened from the corner of my eyes on the right side. I was forced to put a halt towards my experiment when a female figure came stepping into the lab room. I knew who exactly it was that came into the room and I quickly motioned the young lady with one hand to stay at a safe distance from my working space.

“Sorry about interrupting your experiment, Doctor Watanabe, but we have a request about your assistance in the United States,” her soft, gentle voice spoke to me from the right end of the white lab table. I immediately turned off the Bunsen burner equipment and saw the fire extinguished instantly. Placing aside the test tube into the rack once more, I removed the clamp. Placing it gently with care upon the white shiny surface of the table, I removed my goggles with my right hand in one motion.

Fixing my black bangs at a certain angle, I was quickly brushing my long, black hair tied back into a ponytail with a white scrunchie. I straightened my back; a loud crack resonating into the air due to my spine suddenly moving from its fixed position not too long ago. My eyes flicked over to the other girl and blinked.

Kashiwagi Yuki was her name. Kashiwagi Yuki is my assistant at the Watanabe Laboratory. Ever since I’ve opened up my small private business back a few years ago, I didn’t have much helper and partners till last year. It was strange, but I preferred to work alone. Riding solo on many of my investigations on new foreign substances and diving even more into current chemicals in hopes of discovering a new theory was what I had planned all along. As a side job, not only was I a private scientist in her own little world full of chemistry but also an epidemiologist.

When the world caught sight of my name and status, they knew that I could help solve and determine new diseases that were spreading all around the world (such as the HIV/AIDS and Yellow Fever to the seasonal flu and common cold). So I was constantly being requested to assist of the requesters investigations when a new, soon-to-be infamous epidemic rose up from its origin in many different parts of the world. As much as I liked working alone, that sort of job required that I work with a team; at the most, one extra person. So I began hiring new, bright students, scientists and statisticians that I’ve known and trusted in a long time period.

Aside from Yuki, that is. She’s special. I’m unsure what exactly has gotten over my head when I first recruited her a few months ago. She was bright and very organized, but she wasn’t someone that would meet my expectations in this working place. I upheld very strict rules and expect many to follow them. And sadly, Yuki wasn’t one of them. Rather she has a tendency to break them. Though she constantly tells me to loosen my bolts within my ‘cyborg’ system, I merely shrugged it off and scolded her about her actions.

Rubbing my forehead, which was surprisingly slightly sweaty, I closed my eyelids for a brief moment before reopening them. “They wanted me where exactly in the United States?” the tone of my voice could be described to be a mixture of a robot and a cold, ice cube found in Antarctica. It was my usual tone I’ve always been carrying around ever since… that ‘incident’ in my graduate years of college. (For those of you wondering, a quick summary of the 'incident' involved a lab and an accident that scarred me for life.) Combined with my distant and cold shoulders I frequently give out, it’s no wonder why no one could admit that they hated my attitude and personality in my presence.

Yuki brushed a lock of her black, long raven hair and tucked it behind her right ear. With a black suit and skirt accompanied by the same-colored heels, she adjusted her glasses and pushed it up on the ridge of her nose. “California, Doctor Watanabe.”

I simply replied back with a small nod of my head.

“Who is it from?”

“Doctor Oshima Yuko.”

“Her? I haven’t heard from her in so long…”

A small sigh left my barely parted lips. Oshima Yuko… That girl was just full of troubles. She always dragged me into her little mishaps back in our college years. Nothing much to state other than the fact that they were as embarrassing as HELL to even utter about it. Shaking my head, I glanced back at my lab work before returning my attention back to Yuki.

“Okay then. I’ll prepare myself for the trip tomorrow.” I noticed that it was already in the late evening where the sun was beginning to set from the clear windows behind my back. “I will make a report of my little travel for about a month and hopefully resolve whatever issue that squirrel has to offer.”

Then making a mini-shooing motion with my right gloved hand, I dragged my gaze back to my work. “I’ve got work to finish, so you can take your leave, Kashiwagi-san-“

Before I was able to finish my sentence, the young lady in front of me took a step forward. The sentence that I was about to conclude was pulled to a sudden stop. Confused at her action, I scrunched my eyebrows together.

“Is something the matter, Kashiwagi-san?”

“Doctor Watanabe, I…I...”

Her words. They were beginning to stutter out of her mouth as though a printer was hiccupping papers out of its exit. One of my eyebrows were raised, listening patiently to the words that were, in a very painfully slow manner, spoken out.

“After all of the months… That I have been with you… Though you were cold, sometimes mean and very strict, I really do… admire you.”


Is this the appropriate time where I could laugh? I don’t think so… Seeing as how serious and… ‘pink’ the young lady was reacting before my eyes, this was no matter that I should chuckle upon. Keeping the blank expression still on as one of my very few facial features, Yuki took in a deep breath before continuing on.

“Unlike the rumors others have spread about you in this building, I view you differently from them all.” Taking a step forth once again, she was closing in the distance between the two of us. I was a little surprised about her move, so my body unconsciously took one step back. “I haven’t properly spoken to you back in our college years… which was probably due to being three years ahead of you, I never would’ve expected you to, right after your graduation from college, give me a call.”

“And… Where exactly are you going with this?”

“I-I’m… I just wanted to tell you… how much I really care for you and that… I… I… I really love you!”

By the time she had just blurted out her feelings, I was trapped in-between the cold white wall of the lab from behind and the taller girl standing right before me. And all I could do was stare back. Stare deeply into her dark brown eyes. There was some hesitation before I opened my mouth.

“I... I never really had anyone feel that way for me…”

Hastily my eyes glanced downward and focused on the edges of my white lab coat that reached down to the upper part of my knee within the black khakis. The black shoes that were accompanied by white cotton socks were standing above the white marble stone floor. Reflection of the bright white light from above could be seen.

Ironic enough, it was my turn to become… shy and embarrassed. It was difficult for me to express my opinion on the situation at hand. Words that wanted to exit out of my mouth only traveled as far as the larynx. Mind became utterly blank and all thoughts became jumbled in a heap of mess that could be described as newspaper being blown into parts by a strong gust of wind. I felt the skin on my cheeks flare up a bit.

Now that I think about it, the only person that I had truly cared for was this person standing right here, right now. She was the only person that made me actually… frustrated. The only person to get a load of my scolding. The only person that actually came up to check on me in a daily basis despite the cold shoulders I have given to her. The only person that I have actually gone out to have a quick lunch break with. The only person that… I was able to show my other sides that did not include the robotic, cyborg personality. 

Yuki then lifted my head up with one hand under my chin gently. She forced my eyes to come into direct contact with hers. Though she probably was blushing at an even brighter color than I was, she uttered, “So… do you feel the same way to… me?”

I blinked once. Then twice. Then after the third time, a small chuckle slipped from the corner of my closed lips. “I suppose you could say that…”

There was suddenly a smile that crossed through her face when she has heard of my response. Then a giggle.

"Very well then, doctor. I'm glad to hear that from you..." Leaning in close till our noses were just barely touching each other, we could feel our breaths mixed in together. Her arms were on both sides of my head, keeping our fixed in one spot. Slight tension was felt between the two of us, but our lips closed the tiny gap from us two. When it met, I swore it was something... new. Gentle yet straight to the point. My eyes automatically closed and went with the motion of the other girl. It was short-lived though and as much as I wanted to hold onto it as long as possible, Yuki separated. "I need to help you pack your bags on your trip, doctor," she explained to me.

Pushing herself off from the wall, she was about to take her leave when I reached out towards her. My left hand hastily ripped off the white glove that were protecting my right hand and had that now-exposed hand grab one of Yuki's wrist. She paused in her steps, looking over her shoulder with surprise. I felt my cheeks flushed even brighter and tried hard not to instinctively glance away from her face.

"I-I should come too..."

She was confused, tilting her head to the side at a minimal angle to the left. "What are you saying, doctor-"

"I... want you to come with me."


"Oh, and drop the 'doctor' and 'san,' Kashiwagi-san. Just call me... Mayu."

"Only if you will drop mine too, Mayuyu."


"Yeah, that's your nickname from now on."

I rolled my eyes at the childish nickname that I have just earned and received from this young lady. Letting go of her wrist, I tore off the other latex-free glove and threw it in a nearby contamination trash for safety reasons. Once I had thrown away the gloves, I shot a look at the experiments that were left on the table. Then for once, I shrugged my shoulders and decided to have someone else clean up the mess after me. As we both left the room, I noticed that the heart of mine that was once cold has now 'melted' thanks to the girl that is known as Kashiwagi Yuki. So with a small, but unrecognizable smile, I turned off the lights and closed the door shut behind me.

"You'll come to treasure these scars."

HIATUS: The Virus | How Far Are You Prepared To Go? | Sanity | Hidden Truth | Disappearance (Season 2) *Tumblr-only* | Vengeance
ACTIVE: Majisuka Gakuen OS | OS | Idol Royale
REMAKE: Disappearance S1 | Wandering Ship | Hidden Truth
COLLABORATIONS: Phantom Pain w/Llyloo

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Offline Llyloo

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Re: LoyalFlutist's OS Haven - Melting the Cold Heart (Mayuki) [05/03/13]
« Reply #46 on: May 04, 2013, 12:18:46 PM »
You really love Docteur Watanabe xD. Mayu is often doc' with you ~~

I love that OS, go write more ! èwé.

Offline kahem

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Re: LoyalFlutist's OS Haven - Melting the Cold Heart (Mayuki) [05/03/13]
« Reply #47 on: May 04, 2013, 02:09:40 PM »
So cute!!!! If I was Mayuyu I would also melt, especially if Yuki wears glasses hehe

Offline mayuki_daisuki

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Re: LoyalFlutist's OS Haven - Melting the Cold Heart (Mayuki) [05/03/13]
« Reply #48 on: May 04, 2013, 02:24:55 PM »
thanx for the tissue  :lol:
mayuyu and yuki so cute and sweet!! :heart: :yep:
the dashing dr.watanabe and hot assistant kashiwagi yuki   XD
thanx for this  :cow: :bow:
My kami-oshi is Mayuyu, and my oshimen is Oku Manami.

Offline Shinoki

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Re: LoyalFlutist's OS Haven - Melting the Cold Heart (Mayuki) [05/03/13]
« Reply #49 on: May 04, 2013, 03:48:39 PM »
<3 <3 <3
I'm a bit curious about the incident......
hooray for oshiri sisters......
mayuyu~~~ banzai!

Offline Chanaline

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Re: LoyalFlutist's OS Haven - Melting the Cold Heart (Mayuki) [05/03/13]
« Reply #50 on: May 04, 2013, 04:29:02 PM »
I love it!! It was really interesting!! :inlove:
Mayuki = Cutest couple

Married?!-Mayuki fanfic (maybe it will have another pair)

Offline cisda83

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Re: LoyalFlutist's OS Haven - Melting the Cold Heart (Mayuki) [05/03/13]
« Reply #51 on: May 04, 2013, 05:45:04 PM »
Melting the Cold Heart

Interesting and sweet fic there

I like it...

Thank you for the OS

Can't wait to see more

 :twothumbs :twothumbs :twothumbs

Offline LoyalFlutist

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Re: LoyalFlutist's OS Haven - Melting the Cold Heart (Mayuki) [05/03/13]
« Reply #52 on: May 29, 2013, 01:01:19 AM »
Just got this idea popped into my head while typing up my research paper on Jack London (which is completely irrelevant to this fiction, LOL)

Been a while since I actually wrote a wMatsui OS (last one I wrote was a Tumblr-only drabble). I haven't gotten a chance to actually revise and edit it, so yeah. Sorry if it's crappy. >_< Hope you like it though! :cathappy:

From Friends to Lovers [wMatsui]

A cell phone was in a young girl’s hand. The light blue with a single key chain hanging off of it swung gently back and forth as the buttons were being pressed upon with the girl’s fingers. The short black hair covered both sides of her face while staring at the screen below her face. A screen containing all of the inbox of text and mail messages popped up. Multiple mails and texts were seen from many different individuals, but there was one that was unread and recently sent.

Interested by the person that has sent this texts, she highlighted the name ‘Matsui Rena’ and pressed one of the many buttons on her phone. Instantly the message was shown.

‘Jurina… I just wanted to tell you that… I love you. Do you love me back?’

The cell phone carrier that was so-called ‘Jurina’ stared with widen expression at the bright screen. Her jaw dropped down from shock.

“H-How do I answer this?” she questioned to herself out loud. The girl was fumbling with her phone, unsure of what to reply back for her heart was beating wildly against her chest…


The alarm clock beeped obnoxiously and loudly throughout the bedroom of a single, young girl. Next moment, the annoying beeping sound ceased to exist. This was due to the girl’s left hand slamming the ‘off’ button of her electronic clock. Leaving her bare arm outward, she merely grumbled a couple incomprehensible words before raising her upper body from the soft mattress.

Her short, black hair was disheveled and a complete mess. It was in all sorts of directions; some even resting on top of her face. The pair of eyes were still closed, weariness heavily hinted. A loud yawn escaped out of her now-opened mouth as her two arms stretch up into the air. Instinctively her left hand left the device and came to cover her mouth. It took her a short moment to finally open her eyes.

“Man… That was all a… dream?” she muttered in a soft tone as she ruffled and combed through her messy bed hair with her right hand.

What was the dream trying to tell her? Maybe it was just probing her of her real emotions towards the person that she was close friends with for merely a few months. Matsui Jurina was her name and the person that she was close with was another person that shared her last name: Matsui Rena. The two were classmates. Rena was a year older than the younger girl and the two always hung out asides from their other friends. Although nothing romantic has spurted up between the two, the younger girl couldn’t exactly comprehend why she had dreamt such scenario.

‘Maybe it’s just trying to tell me that my relationship with her is going well,’ Jurina rubbed her lower chin with one of her hands while kicking aside the dark blue blanket that covered the lower portion of her body. Her eyes examined her surroundings while pondering over such dream.

Light blue walls covered with posters of idol groups and sport teams hung all around. From the very right of the room contained her desk; a backpack and few textbooks right beside the wooden furniture. Sitting above the desk is a single shelf holding all of her personal awards and medals gained from being a part of the school track team. Then on the left side of the desk was a closed white door. Right in front of her bed was a closet that holds all of her school uniforms and other clothing pertaining to her sleep wear and outside activity.

Now sitting on the edge of her bed, she pinched the bridge of her nose. “I should clean myself and get dressed for school today.” Sliding out of the bed lazily, her bare feet scurried over to the nearest bathroom outside of her bedroom.

After getting dressed and cleaning herself up, she ran down the stairs and into the kitchen. “Jurina!” her mother, who was the complete opposite of her tall daughter’s height, called out to her when the younger girl zipped right by the woman. “You’re going to be late for school!”

“I know that, mom!” Jurina replied back while swiftly grabbing the bento box prepared for her thanks to her mother. Her mother simply sighed and turned her attention away from cleaning the dishes. “By the way, don’t forget about your backpack and books-“

“Mom,” the daughter rolled her eyes. “I’m not a kid anymore. I’m in high school and I got ‘em all, so don’t worry!”

“Listen to our kid, honey,” the father of Jurina commented his own opinion on the situation as he appeared right behind Jurina. One of his hands rested right on top of his daughter’s shoulder, patting it affectionately. “She’s grown up to be a mature, sweet child.”

The mother was about to speak more, but held her words back behind the barrier that is called her teeth. A soft exhale left her mouth instead accompanied by her eyes closing for a brief moment. Then they opened and a small smile formed on her lips. “Alright then, Jurina. Now go to school before you’re really late!”

“H-Hai!” In a flash, the daughter of the two ran out of the house.

“Aiya… She left the door opened again by accident,” the father chuckled as he clicked the door shut from inside.


“Matsui Jurina, you’re late,” the teacher, Ms. Shinoda Mariko, stated when she saw the young female student skid her way right into the back of the classroom. Jurina was out of breath, sweat trailing down the side of her face from sprinting so fast. The distance between her home and the school was slightly farther than she had estimated it to be; overestimating her ability to make it in time by foot. All of the students within the class all turned their head towards the out of breath girl. Feeling slightly embarrassed, she bowed her head. “G-Gomenasai, sensei!”

Mariko merely waved her hand in the air. “Please try to arrive on time, Jurina. Now take a seat.” She stuck her tongue out playfully at Jurina, who in return stuck her tongue back at her. As much as they were a teacher and a student, their relationship was close. They’ve known each other long ago as friends way back when Jurina was a baby and Mariko was a middle school student. How they became friends was merely a coincidence at the park long ago.

As she trended through the many desks, she passed by a few of her friends; whom they all waved their greetings and exchanged smile. Once she reached to her desk located in the middle row of the classroom, there was the person that she was looking forward to being with. Matsui Rena sat right next to the window on the left; the left side of Jurina’s seat. When she took her seat, Rena shyly waved her hand towards the younger girl’s direction.

“I thought you weren’t going to be here today,” Rena spoke in her soft voice. Jurina simply giggled nervously and dropped her backpack by her the side of her desk. “I thought I was going to be alone in this class for today.”

Matsui Rena is considered to be the most beautiful girl in class. No, the entire school. Her long, straight black hair reaching just right below her two shoulders accompanied by her angelic smile and perfect, pale skin could make just about anyone faint from either cuteness or beauty. She was, however, awkward socially and tends to shy away from socially active individuals. This would lead to the reason why she doesn’t have many friends she can talk to without being praised and worshiped upon like a god. It’s a wonder though to how she befriended Jurina when she herself is a social butterfly (not to mention a flirty girl).

The younger girl out of the two scratched the back of her head and almost laughed out loud. “Well, I wouldn’t want to miss the day of being with my best friend-“

“Matsui Jurina, can you please be silent?” The teacher warned Jurina. She was busy writing math equations up on the board; only stopping in the middle just to scold the girl. When Jurina didn’t respond back nor say another word, Mariko returned her attention back to scribbling the equation on the blackboard. Hanging her head in defeat, Rena nearby giggled silently and took out another notebook.

The older girl took the mechanical pencil that laid on top of her desk and wrote on the very notebook that she had just pulled out. In a few seconds, she threw the book on top of Jurina’s desk soundlessly. When Jurina finally got all of her items and equipment needed to take notes for her first class, she was not surprised to see the familiar notebook on top of her desk. Placing her items right next to it, she opened it up to the very first page.

The first page had already been filled with the two girls’ writings. All sorts of messages were being exchanged to each other accompanied by the use of emoticons and anime drawings. She flipped through the pages, relieving the memory of their weird, but hilarious, conversations all inked either in pen or the lead of the pencil. It was how they first met. Through writing each other notes when Rena was uncomfortable speaking to the younger girl at first. Probably because they seated right next to each other and Rena had no one else to talk to, she turned her focus to Jurina. Maybe it was thanks to that fortunate situation that made the two girls meet with each other.

Jurina soon came upon the very page that Rena had just written in.

‘Looks like we’ll have to resort using this notebook again to converse with each other during class. ^_^;’

Jurina smiled at the message and wrote a response back.

‘Yeah. But it doesn’t really matter. As long as I get to talk to you~ ;3’

When their teacher turned her back towards the class to write more on the board, Jurina quickly passed the notebook over to Rena’s direction. When she received it, she giggled and took her attention off of her actual class notes for a couple seconds just to write back to the girl sitting right next to her.

That’s how the two girls had their conversations with each other during class. Just passing each other notes and drawings. It’s funny how the teachers never caught them during their transactions. (Maybe they were sneaky enough to be doing this ever since they first met?)

Class progressed through and soon, the end of the day had already come before they all knew it. The sun is setting in the distance and many of the students in their classroom have already exited the room. Some were participating in clubs; others were merely hanging out in the hallway and walking their way to their preferred destination after school. This left the two girls alone in the room. Jurina was leaning her back against the edges of the desk with her backpack on as she watched the other girl.

“Rena-chan? I had this really weird dream…” Jurina started explaining as she waited for the older girl to finish packing up her bags. Rena turned her head towards Jurina’s direction before refocusing back on packing her books to show that she was still paying attention. “I had this dream… As silly as it may sound, of you confessing to me.”

If Rena was drinking any sort of liquid at the moment, she would’ve sprayed them all out of her mouth. Mouth opened wide and whipping her head over to the girl, she stared in disbelief. “E-E-EHHHHHHH???”

Jurina fidgeted within her spot and tried to look at anywhere but Rena’s face. “Well… I mean, it was you confessing via text to my phone…”

“And… what did I text to you?”

“That you loved me and if I did love you back.”


There was that awkward silence between the two girls. This long, extended silence that would just make about anyone take their leave from the room. Jurina gulped and tugged at the end of her white collared sailor uniform. ‘D-Did I say something wrong? Maybe I shouldn’t really have said anything about that dream…’ But just when she was going to apologize, Rena threw in her thoughts.

“Er… Jurina-chan?”

“Hm? Hai?”

“Ano… About that dream you had… That’s… um…” Jurina was unsure where this was going for Rena was turning slightly red. Her eyes were roaming around the room and saw everything except for the only person standing in front of her. She bit the bottom of her lip while hesitating to finish her statement. “I… That’s… um… That’s how… I feel…. About you.”


Now this took Jurina by surprise. With this kind of response, she wasn’t sure of whether to respond happily or to respond with silence. While she was pondering what she should say, words just came blurting out of her mouth without a second thought.

“Well, I feel the same about you.”

‘Wait.’ The younger girl was taken aback by the words that came out of her mouth. ‘What. The. Hell. Did. I. Just. Say.’ She wasn’t thinking with what she just said. Was this really how she felt towards Rena? This just automatically came out, so it maybe that?

The older girl standing in front of her might as well be nicknamed a tomato for her face was as red as one. Jurina swore that any redder and she could have steam rise from the very tip of her head. Covering her face with her two own hands, she mumbled words that wasn’t audible to the younger girl. Jurina raised one of her eyebrows while she too blushed from such saying. Coming closer to the other girl, she used her two hands to gently remove Rena’s.

“Rena, please, listen to me,” she pleaded the girl to listen to her. Her face now exposed, Rena eyes slowly dragged its ways to making contact with Jurina’s. She gulped; feeling very nervous from such high tension between the two individuals. “Rena… I really do… love you. Ever since we’ve first met, I felt our bond as friends grow right on the very spot. But as time progressed by, you were always there by my side… Through the tough times and the good times, you were always with me.”

Taking her hands into her own, Jurina squeezed them lightly with a sense of comfort. “I wanted to say… Thank you for being there with me… But there was something… more? Even though I’ve only viewed you as a friend… Until now when you proclaim your love to me, I felt that I have loved you all along too.”

Rena then stuttered her words out while keeping her eyes connected with Jurina’s. “I-I’ve always liked you when I first met you. I-It’s strange… I just feel really… comfortable with you despite us barely knowing each other for a few months. I-I’m just not good with my words, but I really do love you. You provided me comfort that I needed and vice versa.”

When she had finished speaking, the two had just noticed how close they have gotten. So close that their breaths mixed in together. Jurina then trailed her hands from Rena’s hands to her arms. Keeping her grip on the two, she leaned forward instinctively. “Then let us seal our love to each other then.” In one move, she connected their lips with each other. It was their first kiss. And to both of their surprise, it wasn’t as scary nor as bad as they have expected it to be. The older girl didn’t resist and instead, applied a bit more pressure against Jurina’s lips.

Though their kiss was only a few seconds, it felt like eternity for the two girls. After separating, Jurina had her arms wrapped around Rena’s fragile body like a protective blanket. The older girl leaned her head against the younger girl’s body, closing her eyes with a smile on her face. Jurina too smiled and closed her eyes. 

"You'll come to treasure these scars."

HIATUS: The Virus | How Far Are You Prepared To Go? | Sanity | Hidden Truth | Disappearance (Season 2) *Tumblr-only* | Vengeance
ACTIVE: Majisuka Gakuen OS | OS | Idol Royale
REMAKE: Disappearance S1 | Wandering Ship | Hidden Truth
COLLABORATIONS: Phantom Pain w/Llyloo

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Zine Projects: Our Future Days (The Last of Us) [Pre-order TBA] | IDOLIZED! (Love Live!) [Pre-order - Digital] | Eizineken! (Eizouken Ni Wa) [Packaging] | Tales from the Animal Forest (Animal Crossing) [Pre-order TBA] | Amor Fati (Fate/Grand Order) [Creation Period]

Offline Rena-chan Daisuki

  • I'm a Silent Reader n only post sometimes~
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  • College Student n Statue Maker
so sweet......
this kind of moment
is what i always imagine

good job :twothumbs
ps: i hope seeing more of WMatsui from ur work

Offline cisda83

  • ecchi
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From Friends to Lovers [wMatsui]

Jurina was so innocent... the way she trying to interpret her dream was so cute...

Ah... it's so nice to have a teacher as your friend... you don't get detention from being late.

Very interesting way of confession...

But at least they loved each other...

It was sweet story there...

Thank you for the OS

Can't wait to see more OS

 :twothumbs :twothumbs :twothumbs

Offline LoyalFlutist

  • clinical scientist
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  • DRG @ Sargatanas (FFXIV)
    • animeminafans
Re: LoyalFlutist's OS Haven - From Friends to Lovers (wMatsui) [05/28/13]
« Reply #55 on: June 15, 2013, 04:10:59 AM »
I will warn that this is triggering about self-harm since it's pretty detailed (gathering from personal experience). So don't read it if you're uncomfortable about... well... reading these sort of things.

Otherwise, enjoy it! (or not) :cow:

The Struggle [JuriMayu]

“Mayu-chan! Mayu-chan! Take a look at this!”

My eyes lazily dragged over to the left side of my vision. A tall girl compared to my height turned half of her body towards my direction and showed me a sketch that she has done on her notebook. A poorly drawn figure of a female figure was standing right smack dab in the middle of the college-ruled page. Short hair scrawled right next to the oval-shaped head was accompanied by ridiculous pair of dots that represents her eyes. Arms and legs were drawn out like stick figures and the clothing was messily thrown on the figure. I raised one of my eyebrows as the shorter haired girl used the end of her mechanical pencil to point at the drawing.

“This is our sensei, Shinoda Mariko,” she chuckled.

“Jurina,” I rolled my eyes as I leaned back on my chair with my arms across my chest. “I know you draw better than that.”

Matsui Jurina in front of me stuck out her tongue with her eyes closed for a second. “I drew Shinoda Sensei on purpose this way.” The short black-haired girl flashed a dimpled smile at my direction when she reopened her eyes. A sigh came out of my barely parted lips in response.

At this time, it was already lunch and all of the students either scurried off to the cafeteria, the rooftop or within this classroom. Jurina and I both dragged our desks together earlier along with a few of our classmates. Bento box all sat on top of the wooden desk; each sitting in front of us. I wasn’t in the mood to be eating anything, showing off the light pink bento box still wrapped neatly in its same-colored cloth. However, aside from doodling on her notebook, Jurina has already eaten half of her lunch. The bamboo chopstick laid neatly on top of her box as she flipped to the next empty page.

I straightened my back, keeping my arms still crossed over my chest. My eyes then flicked over to the right, watching the other girls that combined their desks with us.

Takahashi Minami was easily seen to be staring with her mouth wide open at her best friend, Maeda Atsuko, who was sitting right next to her on the right. She was speechless at the huge amount of food the other girl could intake in such short amount of time. (Atsuko loves food, so it’s no surprise she would eat so much. It’s a mystery how skinny she is to this day.) Then there was Kojima Haruna across from the two, who was trying to ignore the talkative and perverted Oshima Yuko on her left. She rolled her eyes and even blocked Yuko’s attempt to touching her chest.

“You perverted squirrel!” she exclaimed, which was followed by a loud smack on a certain someone’s head. I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw Yuko hold the top of her head with two hands. Her eyes were watery and she rubbed the spot where she just earned a smack from the other brown-haired girl. “Itai… Why did you have to hit me, Nyan Nyan!” she whimpered while exaggerating her painful expression. Squinting her eyes and clenching her jaw closed, all she received was a groan of irritation from Haruna’s direction.

Then across from where both Jurina and I sat, there was both Kashiwagi Yuki and Matsui Rena. The two girls were busy reading out of a fashion magazine. Small giggles were heard from their direction, hinting that they were reading and staring at a specific clothing they liked.

“I really love her dress here,” Yuki commented while pointing her index finger to one of the two pages. The pale girl sitting next to her, Rena, took a bite into her melon bread before responding back to the other black-haired girl. She bobbed her head slowly and took another bite into her bread. “Her white dress does suit the upcoming summer season.”

While the six were on their own, Jurina from my left side nudged her elbow on my arm. “Neh, Mayuyu,” she began to speak when I returned my attention back to my friend. “Aren’t you hot wearing that gray sweater of yours?”

I blinked back at her. Then I felt my heart pick up its pace. No, it wasn’t becoming faster because I was embarrassed nor nervous. It was… fear. Fear from hearing that question. My heart was pounding against my chest roughly as I responded back in a cool manner compared to my internal self.

“No…” I muttered, bringing my arms closer to my body. My right hand was tugging at the sleeves’ surface, tearing my eyes away from her face. “No, I’m not hot.”

“Isn’t it almost summer though? I’m sweating like crazy here if I were in your situation!” she rubbed her eyes with both of her hands like a little child. I flicked my gaze back to her and smirked. “Let’s just say I’m capable of dealing with the heat. I’m just prone to getting cold easily even in such hot weather.”

Jurina simply gave me a ‘hah?’ and a confused expression written all over her own face. “That’s crazy of you,” she chuckled forcefully as her right arm came from behind my back and smacked it playfully a few times. If I decided to eat today, I probably would’ve accidentally dropped my chopstick due to her rough personality. Smiling at her with the corner of my mouth twitching, I saw her retract her hand away from me. My smile dropped instantly and returned to the usual feature I’ve had plastered on my face. “Anyway, I’m going to draw you something and hopefully give it to you tomorrow when we see each other in school again,” she said to me as her left hand picked up the mechanical pencil once more. While she stared at the blank page before her, a small smile formed on my face when I heard those words.

But then… something didn’t feel… right. My right hand soon trailed down to the end of my left sleeve, tugging at it nervously. There was a short stinging pain as the inside cloth of the sleeve brushed against a small part of my skin. I bit the bottom of my lip. This feeling… It’s always been here, but I didn’t want it to come back again so soon…

‘Resist the urge, Mayu,’ I mentally commanded myself. ‘You’ve done it three days ago and you’ve held it this long… Try to keep it in for another day at least…’

As much as I wanted to persuade myself, the urge to just do ‘it’ was strong. Even at such setting and happy atmosphere around me, it didn’t do anything to stop the strong urge.  A long exhale left my nose as I glanced over at Jurina. The smile on my face was still there despite feeling ‘strange.’ The younger girl was pondering deeply; her facial feature reflecting her serious side. Her hand holding the pencil was against one side of her face; staring watch the blank page. A few long minutes has passed by before she managed to rip her hand away from her face and place the lead on top of the paper.

An outline was made and slowly formed into a rough, yet proper, sketch of a head. It was simple and showed the basic shapes that even preschoolers could point out and name them. But before Jurina was able to continue her work, the sound of the bell ringing signaled that it was the end of lunch. A few groans and complaints were heard in the background as desks and chairs were soon shuffled back to its original position. I shot a look at Jurina. She closed her notebook and sighed loudly.

“Looks like I’ll have to finish it when I get home,” she stated as she adjusted her desk in the correct spot.

“I can’t wait to see what it looks like,” I told her when the two of us walked to the back of the classroom to drop off our bento box in a safer location. Jurina turned her head towards me and smiled. “I’m sure it won’t look as good as yours though, Mayu-chan.”

I rolled my eyes for the second time that day. “Mou, Jurina… I told you to stop comparing our work to each other. I’ve been drawing longer than you have!”

“But I still say yours is still better,” she stuck out her tongue at me before patting me on the top of my head. I puffed my cheeks when she messed up my black hair. “I’ll talk to you more once class is over.” And with that said, she rushed off to where her desk was located. I grumbled quietly to myself as I fixed my hair; especially my black bangs. As I walked over to my desk, which was located on the opposite end of Jurina and at the very back of the classroom, I tried to push away the bad feeling that was bothering me.


“I’ll see you tomorrow, Mayuyu! And oh! I’ll text you when I get back home!” Jurina waved to me before taking her leave. The two of us usually would walk home together; she dropping me off more like it since my house is a tad bit closer to the school compared to hers. I nodded and waved back to her. “Sayonara!” I called back out to her.

When I saw that she was far enough, I turned back around to face my house. There was the black gate that kept all intruders outside and away from getting inside of the small land my house resided in. Easily unlocking it from the other side with one of my hands slipping through the black metal bars, I pushed it opened. The sound of the gate creaked loudly as it moved forth. Walking inside, I closed it gently behind me. Once I securely locked it in, I adjusted the black straps of my school bag over my shoulder and proceeded forth to the front of my house.

It wasn’t a small house but neither was it large. It’s a two story house that could hold at the most two parents and two kids. As I approach the front white door of my house, I pulled out a rusty, brown key from my left pocket and inserted it within the keyhole. Twisting it clockwise, I heard a click. I then removed the key from the keyhole and twisted the golden doorknob.

“I’m home,” I announced loudly as I came into my home. Removing my shoes one by one with one hand, I glanced around my surrounding. No response was heard and neither was there any sign of my parents’ presence in the house. After removing my shoes, I walked into my house with my white socks on. Heading straight into the kitchen to my right, there was a little white sticky note written on top of the kitchen counter.

‘Your Father and I are not going to be home for about a week or two due to work. Forgive us for leaving without informing you.’

My mother seems to have written the note in a hurry for her cursive handwriting was nearly unreadable. Scratching the back of my neck, I pulled the sticky note off of the counter and crumbled it up. I then threw it away as I passed by a nearby trash can. ‘I need to head to my room first...’

With my school bag still on me, I exited the kitchen and went to my right. Up the stairs I went, it split into two different direction: left which contains my parents’ bedroom and bathroom and the right, which contains my room and my personal bathroom. I turned towards the direction where I needed to go, taking my time climbing up. When I reached to the top, immediately I went into my room.

There were posters greeting me when I entered upon my private and personal bedroom. Posters of idol groups and anime were scattered around the walls. Dramas and some of my favorite actors too hung up on the walls of my room. Across from where I stood was my desk and to the very left of the room was my bed. A window with its curtains opened stood in between both the desk and furniture, letting the outside light shine into the room. The closet and dresser was seen located on my left as I closed the door behind me.

I threw my bag on top of my bed; my shoulder feeling the relief of carrying the heavy load from the bag. Stifling a yawn, I walked over to my small, black rolling chair and sat down upon it. My back instantly leaned backward and rested comfortably from behind as I stared at the wooden table before my eyes. Few paperwork were seen to be unfinished laid around here and there while a small cup holding all of my utensils sat in front of me. Hanging up on the walls were a few pictures that both Jurina and I have taken along with my other classmates. Many of them were either taken at school, amusement park, field trips, or just a hangout session at a restaurant. All of our faces brightly smiling and flashing their best expression at the camera… Or at least, most of them.

There was me in almost all of the photos. Upon closer examination would show my smile being… forced. It wasn’t easily to decipher that I was plastering a fake smile on my face on such happy occasion and when those I’m being surrounded with in the photo were truly flashing a smile. As I observed the photos hanging on my desk, I felt the ends of my mouth lower. My eyebrows were felt to scrunch together, forming a frown.

My eyes trailed down from the photos and down to one of the many drawers built within this desk. I pushed myself on the chair back a few inches before opening the one drawer I’ve kept my eyes on. Sliding opened, it revealed some common materials that everyone would see in a student’s desk. Notebooks, scrap pieces of papers for scratching notes, calculator… And a single band-aid.

I picked up the one object that was sitting isolated from the rest of the items. It was standing out from the others. Examining it back and front, I was about to stick the medical object back into the drawer when something stopped me in my track.

That feeling again. It… it was there again. I gulped when I felt it. My eyes shot down at my left arm and stared at it for a brief moment. It was covered up warmly by a gray-colored knitted sweater approved by the school. My heart was beating faster once again when I hesitantly slipped out of my sweater.

The school uniform underneath of my sweater was shown. The sailor’s uniform that was common during the summer season was shown as I took it off. My eyes was still trained on my left arm when I finally tore it off. The sleeves now gone from covering my entire arm, I squinted my eyes at such sight I was faced with.

Scars. Scabs. Red blood. Bumps from the fresh new wounds. I brought my shaky right hand over to the wrist of mine and trailed the tip of my fingers slowly over the wounds both old and new. Tears threaten to escape my eyes when I saw the gruesome marks made intentionally on my body. When my fingers brushed upon one of the newer wounds from three days ago, I winced when a stinging pain flashed across. I quickly retracted my hand from my wrist, still feeling the aching pain from that one wound.

The wound that was newly created was actually on the same spot that has been cut before. Only this time it was deeper. Red slash mark across made it look as though someone had used the end of a knife and dragged it from one end of my wrist to another. The pain lingered around as though someone provoking and poking at my wounded area with a sharp object. I never treated my wound, especially when I cut, so I wouldn’t be surprised if an infection occurred. I bit the bottom of my lip as the urge to do ‘it’ again was coming strong.

“Oh god, not again,” I whispered in a painful voice as I felt my right hand unconsciously reach out to the same opened drawer. The hand this time reached in a little deeper till it hit the end of the drawer. When it came out, there was a box cutter in hand. I stared in horror when I knew what I wanted to do.

It’s like an addiction. You just can’t seem to stop it. No matter what you do, the thought of just… cutting will come back. It haunts you. Haunts you like a ghost cursed upon your entire life. When you cut at first, it felt like the worse thing you’ve ever committed in your life. It hurts like hell. You don’t understand why you brought the blade and cleanly sliced it right through your skin, breaking it and letting the blood flow. But just when you swore to yourself you’ll never do such reckless act ever again, you did it anyway. You did it only because your aching heart couldn’t take on the pain anymore.

My parents weren’t home for the most part due to work and when they are, they didn’t really act like ‘parents.’ They were just there. Just a part of my life as pedestrians you past by on your way to work or school. They just… didn’t feel like someone that cared about you. Just there in your life with the status ‘Your Parents.’ I did everything in my life alone; I’ve struggled through my life alone. Even though I’ve had friends in my life, there are certain emotions that I couldn’t easily express out in public or even to anyone in general. I’ve learned to hide behind a ‘cyborg’ image (thus where my nickname of ‘Cyborg’ came from) and fake a smile every single day. And when you learn to keep that act up on a daily basis, it soon became a personification of you.

But when I come home, I just break down when I’m alone. I’m unsure why I resorted to cutting, but it’s better than having the terrible feeling of wanting to go away deep within your aching heart. The first time was stupid. However, I soon came running and wielding the blade in my hand before I knew it almost every single time I felt like I want to… vanish and disappear from this world.

Soon when I tried to stop myself from cutting myself a few months ago, it worked. Only for a short while, that is. Relapsing effect came along with cutting and I yearn for the blade to just come into contact with my skin. I yearn for it to cut and do its work. I yearn for the blood coming out of my wound. I yearn to hurt myself no matter what state of mind I was at the moment. When I’m smiling, I still want to cut. When I cry, it only made the urge to cut even stronger than normal.

It’s an addiction that I can’t stop. An addiction that I wish I could put a full stop. And I know that therapy isn’t going to get me anywhere since it doesn’t look like I can put this to a stop anytime soon.

My right hand was shaking badly when I brought the sharp object on a clean, smooth part of my wrist. In between two old scars that barely faded away. I was breathing heavily; inhaling and exhaling rapidly. Hyperventilation came into play with my respiratory system. My mouth was opened; my hands becoming numb. All thoughts came to a stop in my mind as it blanked out. I didn’t know what I was doing anymore.

And before I knew it, I was panting at a bloody blade in my right hand. The skin where I had just touched upon mere seconds ago was now a crimson red line. The crimson red line filled with blood as it leaked on both ends of the new wound. It wasn’t bleeding to the point it was dripping from my arm, but it was bleeding. I just stared at the wound… Kept on staring as though I was seeing it for the first time in my entire life.

That broke off when I heard a ding coming from my cell phone. I flicked my eyes directly at my school bag, which was located on top of my bed still. ‘Is Jurina texting me or something?’ When that one thought ran through my mind, I suddenly was slapped with realization. ‘Oh shit. What did I just do to myself!?’

I began panicking, unable to clearly comprehend to what lead me to bring the cursed blade upon my wrist once more.

I got up from my seat, switching views at both my wrist and the bloodied box cutter. I closed my mouth and clench my teeth, hearing my every breath from my eardrums. ‘I have to clean it up quick and fast.’


[Next Day]

“Oi~ Mayuyu!” I stared at Jurina with a dull expression when I saw her calling for my attention as usual. Sighing quietly, I tossed out whatever attention I have towards her. The two of us were walking to school for the morning and we just left my house. We have a lot of time in our hand and quite a distance to cover before we reach our destination. So we took as much time as we needed.

The younger yet taller girl suddenly took ahold of my right hand since she was walking on my left side. I swore my heart could’ve stopped when she did that. But to my luck, I was still in my sweater and wearing a wrist band in addition to covering up my tracks in case I was forced to pull my sleeves down. So the next second, I was exhaling loudly with relief when Jurina didn’t ask about my sudden reaction to her holding my hand. She glanced at my direction and grinned.

“Since today’s Friday, do you want to hang out tomorrow morning?” she asked. “I found this great place in Akihabara to hang out and buy some of those anime stuff you always like.”

We both then stopped in our track. “So what do you think?”

There was a small pause coming from me before I answered with a shrug from both of my shoulders. “Sure. I don’t see why not.”

A giggle left Jurina’s barely parted lips as her hand trailed up to my wrist. I nearly flinched as the fresh new cut I’ve recreated yesterday came back to bite me with its consequential pain. I tried hard to keep a straight face on as she and I resumed walking. Only this time with her hand holding onto my wrist instead. To worsen my position, she was happily swinging it back and forth from our plan for the next day. As much as I liked to stay in the position with Jurina and too happily swing my arms with her, I had to bite back the pain. I didn’t want to be rude and brush off my best friend’s excitement over an incident that I’ve hidden from everyone, so I kept my mouth shut.

‘It’s going to be a long walk…’


The school day has ended and I’ve landed myself back at my house once more. Jurina had already dropped me off and waved farewell before leaving me.

“Remember about tomorrow, Mayuyu!” her voice echoed within my head. “I’ll stop by the house at around 8 o’clock, so you better be up by then! If not, I’ll take pictures of your sleepy face!”

A little red anger mark could be imagined forming on the corner of my head. ‘Remind me why I gave Jurina the spare key to this house…’ Since she was my best friend and she’s slept over at my house a few times, I gave her the other duplicate in case my parents weren’t home and I’ve lost it. But she hasn’t recklessly used the key to get into my house and always informed me when she was going to be coming; always informing at least thirty minutes ahead of time.

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I went up the stairs and straight to my room. ‘Tomorrow’s the day to hang out with Jurina…’ I glanced at a nearby calendar that hanged on one part of my wall. ‘Guess I’ll have to remind myself to wake up early for that occasion… And…’ I tugged the end of my left sleeve. ‘I should try hard to keep myself from doing anything reckless tonight.’

With that thought in mind, I performed my usual activity I always did when I was alone at home and when I wasn’t cutting. I organized my desk of any books and papers that were scattered around; I cleaned up my room for a bit; I checked my closet and took out the clothes that I was going to wear tomorrow; I checked my purse to see if there was anything that I needed to put in it; texted Jurina back; took a quick shower. Dressed in my pajamas, which consisted of matching plain blue colored shirt and pant, I went straight to the bathroom to organize the medicine cabinet.

‘I’m surprised the urge to cut isn’t bothering me much tonight,’ I wondered to myself while making my way to the bathroom. ‘Maybe because I’m hanging out with one of my friends tomorrow, it isn’t affecting me much?’ Emotions can really be hard to decipher and understand sometimes. But as I was pondering and wondering about it, I flicked on the light of the bathroom.

It was small and merely holds a bathtub, a sink and the toilet. Just enough for one person to do their personal cleaning and needs. When I walked over to the cabinet, I stared at the mirror. I saw myself. I saw a Japanese girl staring back at me. Her dark brown eyes and perfect black bangs that swayed to one side accompanied by her dark straight hair. The female figure was in her pajamas, just blinking with her usual normal expression looking back at me. It’s a wonder how this girl staring at me can be a cutter… It’s a wonder really.

I shook my head and opened the medical cabinet.

All sorts of medicines could be seen. Advil, Tylenol, and more were seen. Both pills and liquid form of these substances were seen on the shelves. As I reached out and reorganized them in the correct order, a sudden thought flashed through my mind.

‘Kill yourself.’

I halted in the middle of my action from putting back an Advil pill bottle. I squinted my eyes in confusion. What was I thinking there for a split second? That’s ridiculous. I shook my head once again and resumed putting the bottle back in its proper position.

‘Isn’t it better if you weren’t here anymore?’

I froze in my spot once more. And this time, I knew that I wasn’t thinking straight. My left hand was still gripping around the bottle even though I was placing it back on the shelf. Blinking, I retracted my hand along with the medical object. My breathing pace picked up along with my heartbeat when I stared at the bottle. ‘Just take the damn pills and it’ll all be over. Why keep cutting when you know no one cares enough to even know why you kept a sweater on at such hot season.’

These thoughts… They were coming back to me. And it was getting worse.

‘Take it. Isn’t it better if you weren’t alive in the first place? Your parents didn’t care for you at all.’ As much as I wanted to put these dangerous and triggering thoughts aside, I couldn’t. It just kept coming in waves like the ocean tidal waves during the night. I was consumed by my own self-hatred. My self-hatred had already taken control of my mind and action.

Before I knew it, I had about a dozen or so clear blue pills staring at me on the palm of my right hand.

‘I wanted to… die.’

I never knew I wanted to die this badly before. I didn’t know what overcame me, but I began to realize why I cut. I cut because I wanted to die. But because I was a coward, I didn’t perform any sort of action that would lead me to die. I simply kept on cutting… and cutting… and cutting as a bad habit.

Dying seems like a peaceful way to end all suffering in my life. All of the bad thoughts and bad scenarios that had happened in my life all came back to me; tormenting me of remembering such terrible memories. Soon I was crying. Tears flowed down my cheeks uncontrollably as I bent down with my other hand gripping the opposite arm. I was beginning to hyperventilate again.

‘Just tip the damn pills into your mouth and swallow them.’ It isn’t that hard, yet I’m struggling to bring my mouth opened. And when I did manage to bring my mouth opened, I was terrified of trying to even bring my hand close to it.

After ten agonizing minutes with the only sound of my rapid breaths leaving my system, I was already at the stage where I just needed to tip my hand to let the foreign object enter my mouth. Just tip it slightly and it’ll be all over. Just tip it slightly and it’ll all be over…

“I can’t!” I yelled at myself. “I can’t do this!”

But I wanted to at the same time. I just wanted all of this to end. All of this damn suffering from cutting and being alone to end.

“M-MAYUYU!? What the HELL are you doing!?”

That voice. That familiar voice. Instantly in a flash, I saw the pills all dropped and scattered on the hard floor beneath my feet. My body was pulled by someone rough and greeted with warmth. A tight grip was held on both sides of my body. The scent… It was also familiar.

“Mayuyu… Oh god, what were you thinking?” Matsui Jurina spoke through her teeth as she tightened her hug around my frail, small body. I was speechless. Speechless that my best friend came to me at such timing. Was it luck or was it misfortune that she came at this time?

When I didn’t answer, it seemed that Jurina panicked.

“Mayu,” she firmly said my name. We still didn’t separate and kept close to each other, feeling both of our bodies tremble with fear and horror. “Please… Don’t leave us behind… Don’t leave me behind… I love you oh god, don’t leave me behind.”

I felt wet drops falling down upon my shoulders, soaking up small parts of my pajamas. But that didn’t matter for I simply slumped in her grip and cried. I cried and my tears ran down as though they were waterfalls. I cried and cried and… cried for a long time. And I heard Jurina’s hand rubbing my back, trying to soothe and calm me down while she too was crying. I buried my face into her shoulders as she rested her chin on top of my head. We both soon were sitting down on the bathroom’s cold flooring; her body trying to provide the warmth in contrast with the temperature in this room.

I didn’t want to die. I truly didn’t want to die. I’m so scared and couldn’t believe I was so close to ending my life. Just what was I thinking?

When I’ve finally calmed down, to two of us separated.

“Mayuyu… What lead you to turn out like this?” Jurina questioned me as her right hand caressed one side of my face. In her eyes I saw worries. Worries… Sadness… Guilt. It made me sad to see her feel all of those emotions just from me alone. From me acting so recklessly and on instinct. I shook my head slowly left and right in her arms, feeling numb from such traumatizing event occurring not too long ago.

“I don’t… know what overcame me… I felt… that there’s no reason to live… My parents stopped caring for me since who knows when and… I-I began cutting… Thinking that I could erase the pain in my heart… I thought I had no one to turn to tell how I felt…”

Jurina frowned at me. “But I’m always here for you, you know that…” There was silence hanging in the air between us before she spoke again. “Were you… scared?”

I thought about it. Then I nodded my head in a slow motion. “I-I guess… I meant, I’ve been fighting my own battle for a very long time… without anyone’s help… for 16 whole years of my life.”

There was a sigh coming from the other girl before she brought me into another hug. And this time, instead of letting me go, she lifted my right arm up between the two of us. Although she wasn’t looking at what was underneath the sleeve of my pajama, her fingers went under it. It came upon the scars; feeling the bumps and the scabs left behind from such brutal infliction. Her eyes sadden when she felt them. “God, Mayu… I’m so sorry… I-I didn’t know…”

“You don’t need to apologize… Jurina,” I interrupted in a small voice. “You’ve… saved me from tonight. If-If it weren’t for you coming in… I-I would’ve… been…”

I took in a shaky breath, trying hard not to think about what would’ve happened if Jurina hadn’t come for me. The taller girl removed her hand from under my sleeve and reached up to the other side of my face; holding it with both of her hands. “Don’t think about it, Mayuyu. You’re alright and safe right now.” When she reassured to me that I wasn’t in anymore danger, I leaned against her body and turned my body around so my back was resting against the front part of her body.

It was… strange to suddenly open up to someone. Especially when it’s your best friend. To open up and tell them why you cut… Why you almost committed suicide… Why this all had to happen… This was new. As I closed my aching eyes from crying so much, a question still lingered within my mind.


“Hm?” When she heard me call out her name, she responded back with a gentle squeeze from behind; her arms still wrapped around my body. I shuddered slightly and tried to focus on the warmth coming from her body.

“Why did you suddenly… come here at this time?”

“Oh. I forgot to give you something.”

My eyes opened up when I felt one of her arms disappear from wrapping protectively around my body. I turned my head around to my left to see what she was doing. I was soon faced with a drawing on a single sheet of notebook paper.

A picture… of me.

“I forgot to give you this during school, so I wanted to stop by your house and give it to you. But you didn’t answer the doorbell at all. So… I had to go in with that spare key you gave to me. I’m sorry for the sudden intrusion.”

My eyes fell upon the drawing. It was an accurate depiction of me if I were an anime character. The eyes… The hair… The bangs… The smile… The smile that looked… sincere instead of the fake smile I had to wear almost every single day in the outside world. I then looked at her and gave her my smile. The smile I had though wasn’t the one I usually wear. It was… an actual smile full of being grateful.

“Arigatou… Jurina… For everything.”

She smiled back at me; trying to dry her wet cheeks with the back of her arm.

"Don't you ever try to do anything that reckless, Mayuyu... I really do care for you... Remember that I'm always there for you." She then picked up both of my hands with hers as though she was protecting them. "So let's clean up this place. I'll sleep over here tonight if you don't mind and we'll have fun tomorrow, okay?"

"You'll come to treasure these scars."

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Offline Sherin

  • 4Ever Jurina's Oshi
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Re: LoyalFlutist's OS Haven - The Struggle (JuriMayu) [06/15/13]
« Reply #56 on: June 15, 2013, 06:26:22 AM »
"Personal Experiece" you said.

True, this is so fully detailed with how one feel about the lack of warmth from a family, thinking their parents don't care or love them. In the end, friends are friends, families are families.

"It's hurt but at the same time, it's relieving the inside pain. It's stupid, it's a shallow thinking and it's bad but it works. The pain works." These kinds of thinkings are pretty bad.

Lol, you do know writing these kind of stuff isn't good for your mind, right? XD

But it was a good read. It's rare to find a fully detailed expressive emotion from one's pov like this after all, though I think Mayu is seriously too weak-minded here. It's not the end of world for her yet.

Everyday Juriken

Offline Yuki88

  • The Nocturnal Black Snow
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Re: LoyalFlutist's OS Haven - The Struggle (JuriMayu) [06/15/13]
« Reply #57 on: June 15, 2013, 08:53:16 AM »

Personal experience....  :cry:

I ever had that kind of thought ("what's my purpose of living, I should just vanish" etc) but I never had the heart to actually attempt suicide.
Ugh... I... Dunno  :cry:
Anai Chihiro is my one and only.

"Are we nothing more than the captain and her vice captain?"

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Offline cisda83

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Re: LoyalFlutist's OS Haven - The Struggle (JuriMayu) [06/15/13]
« Reply #58 on: June 15, 2013, 09:39:32 AM »
The Struggle [JuriMayu]

Oh... there was so angst

Oh.. Mayu self inflict by cutting...

Luckily Jurina was there.. now to help Mayu get better...

Thank you for the OS

Can't wait to see more OS

 :twothumbs :twothumbs :twothumbs

Offline Llyloo

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Re: LoyalFlutist's OS Haven - The Struggle (JuriMayu) [06/15/13]
« Reply #59 on: June 15, 2013, 12:40:47 PM »
-hugs- çwç you make me crying.

I really like that os, even if... hm... the topic broke my heart.

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