CHAPTER 18
Jurina exhales deeply when her feet meet the blue carpet of the hallway. She can hear her heart racing and she tries to calm down, despite her recent discussion with Rena playing in her head again and again. As she releases her grip on her suitcase she lifts a shaking hand to her cheek, wiping off a tear that managed to leave her eyes despite her best efforts to not let her emotions out. She doesn't cry often, but her latest stressful conversation with Rena coupled with her weariness had taken its toll.
Suddenly aware of her current distraught state she quickly looks up, afraid people may have witnessed it, before sighing in relief when no one is around. She doesn't know what she would have done if a member had seen her like that. She's the ace of SKE, and always had the image of a strong confident girl. She's not supposed to be crying over a girl in the middle of a hotel hallway.
Tilting her head to the closed door behind her, her heart sinks at the thought of the older Matsui. If she couldn't help letting her emotions out, she can only imagine how Rena must be feeling. It's common knowledge that she's a sensitive girl, and Jurina is now pretty sure she didn't imagine this tear on her cheek. How is she supposed to face her after that?
Gripping her suitcase, she slowly moves forward in the hallway, her steps getting heavier and heavier as she can't stop thinking about what she almost confessed. She knows her resolution might have faltered if the older girl had continued to insist. Thankfully, that didn't happened. She doesn't want their relationship to be more awkward than it already promises to be.
When her eyes catch the right room number she stops and lifts her arm to knock. She's glad her hand is not shaking anymore, but she mutters under her breath when her heart still hasn't slowed down as much as she wishes. She catches quick footsteps and tries to clear her head, now focusing on the older girl on the other side. She wants to stay calm, but she can feel her anger building up in anticipation.
"Jurina!" Airi exclaims, opening the door slightly and widening her eyes at the view of the younger girl.
"Airi. Hi," Jurina says, feeling her irritation faltering at the sight of the unexpected appearance, "can I come in?" she demands, a tentative smile moving to her lips.
"Sure," Airi answers, stepping aside to let her pass. When she closes the door and turns around, she notices Jurina who's now scanning the room.
"Where's Churi?" Jurina asks, feeling her anger surfacing again just at the mention of the girl's name.
"In the bathroom," Airi answers, motioning to the closed door, before watching as Jurina doesn't move an inch and stares at the door intensely, as if the action itself could prompt it to open, "What's going on?" she asks, surprised by her strange behavior and sudden irruption.
"I'm sorry but... would you mind switching room?" Jurina asks, averting her eyes nervously. She knows her demand must sound very strange to the girl.
"What? But I thought you wanted to stay with Rena tonight?" she answers, surprised by this new unexpected turn of events. Seeing the girl with her suitcase unsettles her, and her thoughts immediately go to Rena, wondering if something happened between them that prompted the younger girl to leave.
The bathroom's door suddenly opens and Churi comes out, her eyes falling on Jurina.
"Jurina! What are you doing here?" Churi frowns, closing the door behind her and taking a step forward.
"What do you think?" Jurina answers, gripping her suitcase tightly and gritting her teeth in annoyance.
Airi watches the exchange between the two friends, puzzled when it starts to look like a staring contest. If she had to vote, Jurina would definitely be the winner, as she doesn't look happy in the slightest. There's an awkward tension in the room as silence progressively fills the air and Airi clears her throat as to try to dissipate it, frowning when her little action doesn't perturb the girls one bit.
"What is going on?" she finally asks, looking back and forth between them in frustration.
"Yes, explain her, Churi. I can't wait to hear what you have to say," Jurina mutters. She knows her anger is really starting to show but she still tries to contain it the best she can, not willing to let a third party witness it.
"Jurina," Churi sighs, shaking her head in disbelief at the girl's behavior.
When it becomes clear she's not going to get any more information, Airi enters the bathroom and gathers her things, before going back to the bedroom and kneeling to fill her suitcase before closing it. When it's done, she looks up to gaze at the two girls who are still standing in the middle of the room, half hoping for one on them to give her an explanation. When she understands she's not going to get one she gets up and moves to the door, grabbing her coat on her way.
"You obviously have things to discuss. I'll leave you to it," she murmurs, tilting her head at the girls as she speaks. It really bothers her to see them acting this way, especially when she knows how good friends they have become, but she can't really do anything about it.
"I'm really sorry about that," Churi suddenly speaks up, turning to her and grimacing when she realizes how strange the whole situation might look to her friend, "See you tomorrow."
"It's fine," Airi says, briefly glancing at Jurina who's averting her eyes, before smiling at Churi, "Goodnight."
Churi follows the girl's retreating form, before turning to Jurina and watching her as she's moving to her bed and setting her suitcase on the ground to open it.
"I can't believe you did that," she exclaims, following Jurina's movements as she's grabbing her pajama.
"You're the one to talk," Jurina growls, now getting up and staring at her, "thanks to you, I made a fool of myself back there."
"What happened? Why did you leave?" Churi asks, crossing her arms over her chest, frustrated things didn't go accordingly to her plan.
"Why did you do this, Churi?" Jurina hisses, throwing her pajama on the bed, "Why do everyone keep sticking their nose in my business? First Mayu, then you!"
"Mayu knows too?" Churi asks, surprised by this new piece of information and ignoring the girl's abrupt action.
"That's not the point. I told you to leave it alone, but you had to go against my wishes!" Jurina exclaims, before exhaling deeply in exasperation.
Churi watches as the girl then moves to the bathroom, her toothbrush in one hand and her pajama in the other, purposely slamming the door behind her.
"I was just trying to help," Churi murmurs, feeling regret filling her chest as she realizes how much her actions made her friend mad. That's clearly not something she expected, and even less wished for.
She sighs when no reply comes and slowly starts to get undressed, before putting her pajama on. When it's done, she gets under the sheets and waits patiently for Jurina to come out, despite hearing the minutes ticking in her head. It's already 10 PM, and as a long exhausting day awaits them tomorrow, they'll soon have to go to bed. They can't keep arguing for hours, but it's out of the question to go to sleep before solving the problem.
"I didn't ask for your help," Jurina retorts when she comes out of the bathroom a few minutes later, her eyes falling on Churi's worried ones.
The older girl notices that despite her harsh words, her tone has considerably softened, and it relieves her to know her friend is slowly calming down.
"I realize it now. I shouldn't have put you in that situation," she admits, getting a nod in reply, "However, I still think you should tell her," she insists, still believing her friend is missing an opportunity.
"You confessed to Airi, and what good did it do to you? She rejected you!" Jurina blurts out, feeling her anger surfacing again at the girl's persistence.
"You're right," Churi murmurs, averting her gaze at the girl's words, "maybe I'm not fit to give love advice after all," she chuckles nervously.
At the girl's sudden change of attitude Jurina winces, realizing what she just said. She knows she has gone too far, and she mentally curses herself for mentioning that. Her anger, on top of her tiredness, were bringing out the worst in her.
"I'm sorry," Jurina whispers, now feeling terrible as she sees how her friend's features are contorting in pain, "I shouldn't have said that."
"Don't be. She did reject me, but I don't regret anything. My feelings for her were eating me alive. I couldn't keep them to myself any longer, and even if it took time, we are friends again," Churi replies, trying to ease the girl's guiltiness with a small comforting smile, despite the uneasiness filling her chest at the little reminder.
"I think it's best if we stop here. It's getting late, and I don't want to say anything I could regret. I've already done enough," Jurina states. She watches Churi expectantly, waiting for her approval, before sighing in relief when she gets a silent nod in return.
When Jurina gets under the sheets Churi switches the light off, before laying on her back and closing her eyes. She can hear her friend sighing loudly by her side and she tilts her head, noticing how she's staring pensively at the ceiling.
"I was finally moving on. I wasn't dreaming about her anymore. There wasn't any awkwardness between us. I really thought we could become friends," Jurina murmurs.
"What changed?" Churi asks.
"She did. She suddenly started acting differently towards me, and I knew my feelings were surfacing again. I was angry with myself for falling for her caring and gentle attitude," Jurina answers, before continuing, "I pushed her away tonight and I'm sure she must be confused. And hurt. Somehow, I have the feeling our relationship is never going to be the same anymore."
"Maybe it's not too late to mend things," Churi says, trying her best to sound hopeful.
"What if I don't want to? What if that's exactly what needed to be done?" Jurina replies.
"What do you mean?" Churi asks, confused.
"I want to move on, and maybe now I'll finally be able to," Jurina finishes, before feeling Churi scooting closer and gently leaning her head on her shoulder. "I'm still mad at you," she declares, her attention now fully on the older girl. Despite her harsh words, her anger has considerably toned down.
"I know," Churi replies, moving tentative fingers to Jurina's stomach and squeezing the ones that are laying on it. She waits for Jurina's reaction, half expecting her to yank her hand away, but a smile moves to her lips when the younger girl intertwines their fingers a few seconds later.
As Airi pushes the door, she's surprised to see the room plunged into darkness. She waits a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to it, and frowns when she notices her friend leaning against the headboard of her bed, obviously still not sleeping. Leaving her suitcase aside she moves forward and goes to sit next to her, surprised to see her staring into space.
"What happened? Did you two have a fight?" she inquires, hoping to finally have an explanation to Jurina's strange request.
"Not really," Rena answers, raising her eyes to meet Airi's.
"Why did she ask to switch rooms?" Airi continues, now clearly confused.
"I wish I knew," Rena chuckles bitterly, feeling tears building up again just at the mention of the girl.
"Okay. I don't understand," Airi admits. She watches Rena a few more seconds, pondering if she should push her a little more, before thinking against it when it looks like she's not going to get anything more from her.
Airi lifts herself up from the mattress and moves to open her suitcase, getting a few things out and entering the bathroom a few minutes later. She can feel a yawn threatening to leave her lips as she finally gets under the sheets, and she tilts her head to Rena, noticing how she still hasn't moved an inch from her sitting position.
"Rena?" she calls, surprised by the girl's odd behavior.
"She was trying to leave and I wanted to know why. She was distancing herself again and I couldn't let that happen," Rena murmurs, her eyes meeting Airi's on the other side of the room, "I so desperately wanted to know what was going on, that I'm afraid I went too far."
"Why do you think that?" Airi asks, not missing the sadness in the girl's tone.
"She pushed me away," Rena whispers, feeling her voice breaking just at the simple admission.
"I didn't speak much with her tonight, but she looked very tired," Airi comments, trying to ease her friend's worries, "I'm sure she'll explain her behavior tomorrow."
"No. I think... I may have lost her," Rena answers, now feeling a tear rolling down her cheek, and noticing how her voice is getting weaker and weaker as she speaks.
"Don't say that. You're the WMatsui. You're bound to stay together," Airi teases in an attempt to cheer the girl up.
"I'm not sure she ever wanted to get stuck with me," Rena smiles faintly, remembering Jurina's words during the shooting of
Majisuka Gakuen 4, before catching Airi who's stifling a yawn, "I'm sorry, you probably want to sleep."
"It's fine, and I told you before. I'm always here for you whenever you feel the need to confide in someone," Airi smiles.
"Thank you," Rena replies, moved by the girl's words and feeling her chest lightening up at the thought of having such a dear and comprehensive friend, until she remembers the concert that awaits them, "I think we should go to sleep."
"It's best if we don't want to faint on stage," Airi teases.
"Yes, we wouldn't want that," Rena answers, her lips curving up in amusement, realizing how her best friend's words have unexpectedly managed to put a smile on her face.
The restaurant room is quiet this morning as most of the members are still dozing off while taking their breakfast. When Yuki who's sitting next Mayu notices the young girl who just arrived she waves at her, receiving a small smile in acknowledgment when their eyes meet.
"You look awful," Mayu exclaims casually, observing the SKE member who's taking a seat by her side.
"Thank you, Mayu. I'm glad I can always count on your bluntness first thing in the morning," Jurina glares at her, before stretching her hand to grab the food in front of her.
"Someone got out of the wrong side of the bed," Mayu mutters, sipping her glass of orange juice.
"Mayu!" Yuki hisses and slaps her arm in annoyance, before looking at Jurina, "Didn't sleep well?," she asks, concern filling her voice at the sight of the girl's tired features.
"Not really, but don't worry. I'll be in top form after a cup of coffee," Jurina replies, pouring the designated liquid in her mug.
"You know you're too young to drink that," Mayu chides, ignoring Yuki's disapproving groan on her left.
"I know, you already mentioned it dozens of times," Jurina sighs, "Trust me, I would prefer to do without it, but I don't have much of a choice today," she finishes, bringing the hot liquid to her lips.
"We still have time until the beginning of rehearsal, and the concert is in more than ten hours. It leaves plenty of time to get ready," Yuki comments, sending her friend a small reassuring smile.
Jurina nods absently before scanning the room in curiosity, noticing how a lot of members are already present, despite the fact it's only 9 AM. A familiar face catches her attention and she gazes at Rena, not missing the sadness in her eyes, before sheepishly looking away. Last night's conversation starts filling her mind and she releases a defeated sigh, wondering how she's going to manage to go through the day.
Yuki glances at the sheet in her hand, her eyes following the lyrics of the song she's going to rehearse in a few minutes. She hasn't performed it for a while, and she's glad to be singing it with Rena again, as their relationship has progressed a lot since Christmas. Much to her surprise, they got on well pretty fast, and she feels a bit sad at the idea that it took them so long to finally get to know each other.
She looks up to watch Mayu who's rehearsing the
River's steps with Rie and Sae, smiling at how serious the girl looks when she's so focused. As their eyes suddenly meet in the mirror Mayu sends a playful wink and Yuki smiles, hiding her amusement in her sheet at her girlfriend's flirty attitude. Even if Mayu always works hard during rehearsal, she always finds a moment to show her affection, making Yuki's heart flutter each time it happens. She may look cold to others, it's never the case when it comes to her. Yuki diverts her attention when she hears the dancing room's door opening, and smiles at the girl who's looking at her.
"Hi Rena!" she exclaims, waving at her as she approaches.
"Good morning Yuki," Rena answers, a bit annoyed by her hoarse voice. She really thought her two cups of coffee would help her get rid of her tiredness.
"Ready to rehearse
Tonari no Banana?" Yuki inquires, frowning when she notices the girl's tired features. Apparently, Jurina is not the only one who had trouble sleeping.
"Yes," Rena answers, stifling a small yawn before taking a look at the sheet.
"I was thinking, maybe we could do something during the performance? Fans really liked the 'wink' thing!" Yuki exclaims, watching the older Matsui in expectation.
"Really?" Rena raises an eyebrow, still a bit doubtful about the joke's success, "what do you suggest?"
"Let me think about it," Yuki answers, "I'll definitely come up with something funny."
"Okay," Rena chuckles, amused by the girl's enthusiasm.
"Before we start to rehearse, I wanted to talk to you about something," Yuki murmurs, getting closer to the girl to make sure the other members can't catch their conversation.
"Yes? What is it?" Rena asks in surprise, not missing Yuki's sudden odd behavior.
"About what you saw during New Year's Eve..." Yuki's voice trails off, feeling ashamed at the memory of having been caught in such a situation in front of the girl.
"We don't have to talk about it," Rena answers swiftly when she notices the hesitation in the girl's voice.
"I want to," Yuki assures, now full of determination, "I know you've been avoiding the subject for weeks now and I want to make sure it's not going to be a problem," she finishes, watching the older Matsui in apprehension.
"I wasn't really trying to avoid the subject, I just didn't know what to say," Rena admits, averting her eyes slightly in embarrassment, "I never noticed anything unusual between Mayu and you, and it really took me by surprise."
"I understand. After all, we are being very careful in public," Yuki nods.
"When did you realize she was more than a friend?" Rena asks, curious to know how it all started, and still a bit bothered by the fact she didn't see anything. She always believed to be very observant.
"That's a good question," Yuki answers, a bit surprised by the unusual blunt question, before thinking thoroughly, "Maybe when I started thinking way too much about her?" she chuckles, glancing at Mayu who's drinking a bottle of water and talking to the other members.
"I see," Rena smiles, following Yuki's eyes on Mayu.
"It's hard to say, but it's probably a combination of many things. You care and get concerned for the person more than usual, and of course, your heart can't stop fluttering when you look at her and when she touches you," Yuki murmurs, lifting her hand to the designated organ, "You just feel differently."
"Okay," Rena murmurs, wondering why Yuki's words are ringing true to her ears.
"When she confessed the first time, I rejected her," Yuki whispers, sadness filling her heart just at the memory of Mayu's pained eyes.
"Really? Why? You didn't feel the same way?" Rena asks, surprised by this new piece of information.
"I did, but I was afraid of change. I treasured this beautiful friendship we had, and I thought it would be enough. I was wrong," Yuki answers, her mouth tugging into a smile at the memory of what happened next, "Does it answer your question?" she asks, noticing how the older Matsui seems lost in thoughts.
"Yes, thank you for sharing," Rena smiles.
"Don't thank me. We're friends," Yuki replies, before noticing the surprise in Rena's eyes, "I mean, I think we are. We talk to each other quite often and I like you. Or am I going too fast?" she stammers, wondering if she has misinterpreted their relationship.
"No, you're right. We are," Rena chuckles, amused by the girl's sudden uneasiness.
"Thank God. I don't know what I would have done if you had said no," Yuki's voice pitches up, releasing a deep sigh in relief.
"I'm sorry," Rena waves her hand in apology, before starting to laugh, "you're really funny, Yuki."
"Thanks, I guess?" Yuki smiles, amused by the girl's reaction, "Should we go and rehearse
Tonari no Banana?" she suggests, noticing how Mayu and the other members are now leaving the room, leaving both girls alone.
"Yes," Rena answers, swiftly wiping the tears off her cheeks, "I'm ready," she assures, moving closer to the mirror.
"Okay," Yuki nods and prepares the CD player, the joyful music soon filling the air.
TO BE CONTINUED
Topic: Heartbeat (20/20) + Partners (23/23) + Destiny (41/41 END) [WMatsui] - REPLIES (Read 365214 times)