Entry 1:
Tough and Rough Jurimayu | Angst ; Romance
If there was anything at all that would help her avoid this, she would do it. But leaving right now wasn’t an option for her. Twisting the doorknob, Jurina braced herself. She is about to break her down further than she already was.
Stepping into their house, she spotted her at the dining table. She didn’t even glance at her. That alone told her just how badly she was struggling. To make it worse was the last thing she wanted to do. Unfortunately, life was cruel as it was also the first thing that was about to happen.
Jurina joined her in the kitchen, standing next to where she was seated.
“They cut off the phone service.” Mayu suddenly spoke, not even looking up from the paperwork she was doing.
“You’re kidding,” Jurina said, although she knew what she said was true. She suddenly felt guilt sinking through her. This really is going to be harder than she thought.
“Nope,” she shook her head. “We forgot to pay the bill.”
When Mayu said 'forgot' she really meant ‘couldn’t.’ They had been struggling paying off their bills for the past few months and finally failed paying last month’s.
Now it seemed they were paying the price.
Jurina was never good with dealing bad news, so she carefully thought how to say it. She clenched fer fist and spit the news she had been dreading to tell her.
“I,” she drew a deep breath “I got laid off today.”
Mayu is strong. She could have cried – Jurina wouldn’t have blamed her – but she didn’t. Instead she shook her head in disbelief, uttering a plain: “No.”
This recession was really taking its toll on everyone, but Jurina felt the effects weighing on her harder than anything else ever had. To see Mayu shut her eyes and rest her head on her hands, evidently suffering through it all, was the worst thing Jurina could’ve seen in that moment.
She listened to her sigh, and then watched as she looked up at her. Their eyes met for the first time since she arrived home.
“We barely even had enough money for food when you had a job.” Mayu said softly.
It was true. With all their income going to bills and both their schooling, good meals were left a privilege.
“I’ll find a new one soon,” Jurina promised.
“That’s not gonna be easy.”
There was something in Mayu’s tone that set Jurina off. It wasn’t like she was mocking her, but no faith was evident in her voice. She had always been optimistic, but now she sounded like she had given up.
That’s why Jurina couldn’t help it when her voice raised and tone sharpened in her reply. “You don’t have to tell me!”
Immediate regret flooded her when she caught Mayu glance at her. Her eyebrows knit together and there was a shining film over her eyes as she gazed at her.
Mayu hated it when Jurina yelled, and Jurina hated making her feel the need to hate.
“Sorry,” she apologized sincerely.
Mayu’s gaze lingered a few extra seconds before she told her, “No, it’s fine,” and turned back to whatever she was working on.
Jurina finally realized what it was that she was writing on. “Is that your resume?”
Mayu only nodded.
“You looking for a new job?”
Mayu was holding a fairly stable job right now but if she could find something with better wages, Jurina would support her transfer fully. “Actually, I’m looking for a second job.”
But Jurina wouldn’t support this one.
“No.” Jurina spoke firmly. “You’re not working two jobs.” She wouldn’t let her.
Mayu gathered her things from the table and headed out of the kitchen, Jurina trailing shortly behind her.
“We don’t have much of a choice now that you lost yours.” She spoke, again in the same hopeless tone.
Jurina bit her tongue to keep from cursing. “Look – It’s not my fault I was fired.”
“I never said it was.”
“That’s what you meant.”
Their voices were calm but cold enough to say that something was building up.
Mayu had been heading to the bedroom, but Jurina cut in front of her to block the doorway. She attempted a side-step past her, but failed.
“Don’t put words in my mouth.” Mayu said.
“Well then quit putting so much pressure in me!”
And just like that, she broke down Mayu’s previous strength. With Mayu, it was hard sometimes. One minute she was holding her ground and the next she could barely stand. She desperately ran her hand through her hair.
“Don’t think you’re the only one feeling pressure!” Her voice cracked, close to tears. “You think I like this life? No, I don’t! I hate it!” She almost said she ‘regretted everything’ but she managed to stop herself. That would be too much.
Jurina hated fighting with her, but sometimes, it can’t be helped. They hardly ever fought because there was nothing to fight about in the first place. But with the way things were going lately, arguing was how she blew off steam. Surely that was the same for Mayu.
“Same goes with me, Mayu!” The raising of her voice was inevitable. She was yelling now. “I hate worrying about things are gonna work out. Or if they ever will!”
For the second time in the past five minutes, she gave her that look—the look of pure, irrefutable sadness. It killed her to see Mayu look so upset. Jurina felt a pang of regret strike her once again.
“Don’t yell,” was all she said, but it was enough to hear the soft pleading her request held.
Now Jurina was frantically thinking of what else to say. She could just stay and finish it now, but she knew her frustration was too much to contain and would end up yelling again. She didn’t want that. She can’t afford to hurt her more. So instead, she shook her head and headed down the hall towards the front door.
“Where are you going?” Mayu asked, still grounded at the same spot. However, Jurina wasn’t calm enough to reply without snapping. So she left without a word.
Jurina entered the local bar three blocks away from their home. All she needed was a few hours to calm down. The bartender set the full glass in front of Jurina, who picked it up then set it back down. She shouldn’t be drinking but leaving it was just another waste of money.
She thought of Mayu. She was sure that, now that she was alone she could allow herself to cry as openly as she wanted. They said it was healthy to cry, but the idea of her alone, shedding bitter tears was almost too much to bear.
They didn’t plan for this. Who would plan on being poor and working minimum wage just to feed themselves? All Jurina could ever think of now was that she could have listened to everyone who had told the moving in together wasn’t a good idea.
She was sixteen and Mayu was nineteen when they moved in together. Now they were four years older. Both were paying their way through university and on top of bills and food.
She admitted it now, moving in together at such a young age was stupid, but at the time it seemed like a great idea. It’s a new adventure, they said. Now, it was left a burden. Things went fairly well the first two years, where they held up good jobs and managed their money responsibly. When the recession hit, Jurina was fired. Eventually, she picked up another job in labour but today that role ended as well.
Slowly, things had changed. They were no longer living together. Instead, they were surviving together.
Earlier, when Mayu told her she was going to apply for a second job, Jurina didn’t mean to snap. It was just the idea of her working two jobs while she failed to hold up her only job was unfair. She would rather swallow her pride and admit to her parents that they were right about not moving in together than watch Mayu balance two jobs, school, and their relationship. She can’t afford that.
Maybe this was all just a test of their relationship. Mayu was the girl for her; she was sure of it. But maybe there was some greater power up there that wanted them to suffer to prove it. If there was, this was a cruel way of testing them.
“Hey. You gonna drink that?”
Jurina noticed that an older woman had pulled up a stool next to her during her time of daydreaming.
“Uh…no.” She replied, sliding the glass to her neighbour.
The older woman chugged down the half of the alcohol before asking, “What’s got you all beat up?”
Jurina hid her eyes with her fringe. Was she really that obvious? Probably. She would bet that she had never looked so pathetic before. It was odd, but with this stranger questioning her, Jurina felt an overwhelming need to let it all out to confide in someone. After all, this woman did ask.
“My girlfriend is at home, probably crying.” Jurina started slow. “I can’t even be there because I hate seeing her upset. I was laid off for the second time in six months and we’re dirt poor. I can’t even spare enough money to buy her something nice…something she deserves.”
Saying those words was like a weight lifted from her shoulders. The power of speech was incredible. She realized it now.
The woman beside her chuckled, “You’re poor? I’m the one ripping drinks off a broke kid.”
Despite her situation, Jurina grinned. “Nah, don’t worry about it.”
“I wasn’t.”
She grinned again, appreciating the woman’s blunt honesty.
“Life’s gonna throw you curve balls,” the other woman started. “You just gotta suck it up and deal with them.”
“It’s tough.” Jurina was actually thankful this woman was sitting here with her. Not only did it feel relieving to finally share her situation with someone. It was also nice to feel…successful next to a thin, thirty year-old woman ‘ripping drinks’ off a twenty year-old. “I want to prove that we can do it.” She added, hearing the purpose in her own voice. “To our parents, to me and to her.”
“I feel you.”
The strangest sense washed over Jurina. She felt like this woman could really relate to her and truly understood what she’s going through.
“Mind telling me about her?”
No one had ever asked her to describe Mayu before, so the woman’s request came a little surprise. It wasn’t like it’s hard to describe her. The problem was that there was too much to tell.
“She doesn’t listen to anyone,” Jurina started. “But so selfless that she keeps every burden to herself. She’s competitive and smart. She’s probably the strongest person I know. But when she cries…” she bit her lower lip before continuing, “she just lets it all out.” She paused, trying to figure out how to finish. “She’s unlike anyone else. She’s all I ever wanted.”
The older woman playfully pushed Jurina and smiled. “You ever tell her all that?”
Jurina didn’t reply, ashamed of her answer. Yes, she’d told Mayu all of that before, but not nearly enough. They didn’t really talk so much anymore as they argue out their frustration. Their days of pure fluff and romance were long gone.
A silence took over them where they sat still. At least fifteen minutes must have passed when Jurina realized she had found the calm that she had been searching for. It was probably time to head home. She rose from the stool and started heading away when the husky voice of her confidant spoke up a final time.
“Hey,” she called out. “I’m not the smartest person around, but take this from a worn out woman like me.”
“Things might seem hard now, but if you work at it, they’ll get better.” She paused to drink the last of the alcohol in front of her before continuing. “That girl sounds special. Don’t let one little rough patch screw up a good thing. I did, and look at me.” She added as she gestured at her thin figure.
To be honest, Jurina found her beautiful. She could have mistook her as a model if it wasn’t for her unruly hair and dress.
“Don’t just hang on; move forward and fight.”
Jurina smiled and turned around to face the door. “Next time I’ll see you, I’ll be the one ripping drinks off you.” She started walking away, leaving the waving hand of the older woman unseen.
That was a piece of advice she knew she’d hold onto forever. Things were hard, fighting to pull her and Mayu down. Well, they would just have to fight back harder. And suddenly, Jurina exactly knew how to start.
Her talk with the woman in the bar gave Jurina some insight on what had been missing lately. Something that she and Mayu desperately needed but hadn’t made the time for since this entire mess started.
She knocked on their bedroom door before opening it. Peeking inside, she saw Mayu curled up on the bed. Her eyes still red from her previous crying. After a moment she pushed the door open fully.
“Hey.”
Mayu looked up instantly, her gaze resting on her expectantly.
“I want to show you something.”
There was no argument this time. Instead, Mayu just stood up and followed her out the door and down the hallway. Upon reaching the living room, she froze.
Jurina didn’t really do much other than tidy things up and set out two wine glasses with a bottle of champagne, but Mayu’s expression told her it was more than enough. No, Mayu was never crazy about romantics, but she was still a girl and it was natural for her to grow emotional at such an act.
“What is all this?” Mayu asked quietly as Jurina gave her a damp rose – one Jurina picked from the neighbourhood since there was nothing left from her remaining money she bought with the champagne. Jurina circled around to the table and picked up the champagne.
“Well, lately, everything has been focused around work and money.” She told her, impressed at the reaction she had gotten out of her. Mayu continued staring at her in complete awe. “We’ve been so busy with everything that we barely have time to just talk anymore.” Jurina smiled at her when she started giggling despite the previous depression existing between them.
“So tonight’s just about us.”
For a while Mayu just stood at the other side of the room, keeping eye contact with her. Finally, she joined her by the couch and picked up one of the wine glasses.
Jurina cracked open the bottle and poured them both a glass before taking a seat next to her.
“So what got you to do all this?” Mayu asked in a soft voice – one that Jurina hadn’t heard in quite some time.
Jurina grinned, finding the answer funny herself. “A heartbroken woman at a bar.”
Raising an eyebrow, Mayu giggled. “What?”
“Well, long story,” Jurina answered simply.
“Hmn,” Mayu took a sip of her drink and made a face. “And where’d you get this?”
“I stole it from the widower next door.” Jurina joked as she whispered and pointed her thumb outside the door.
“You’re feeding me wine you stole from a widower?” Mayu eyed at her with a tiny smirk playing on the edge of her lips. “What kind of girlfriend are you?”
The two broke out in laughter. It was incredible. Jurina felt some of the tension between them slipping away and it was back to the way things were. Not completely, but better nonetheless. Just hearing Mayu joke like that again was enough to tell her tonight was the smartest thing she could’ve done right now.
“So what exactly was it about this woman that got you to set all this up?” Mayu collected her lips to make a pout. “Are you cheating on me now?” she narrowed her eyes.
Mayu had a way of sending Jurina into silence with her playful expressions. After working through her loss of words due to her innate cuteness, Jurina answered. “No way,” she pinched Mayu’s nose with her free hand. “She just helped me realize how important it is to take time for stuff like this.”
“Oh, yeah?” Mayu teased her.
“She asked me to describe you.”
Again, she wore that cute expression. “And what did you say?”
Jurina recounted to her what had come out of her mouth in the spur of the moment. With each word, she watched Mayu’s eyes reflected joy and contentment. She had never heard any of that in a long time.
“You know, you’re pretty great yourself.” Mayu winked once she finished and offered her a wink.
Despite the bliss they were feeling now, there was still a lingering sadness in both of them. It was all the stress that had been welling up. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy to overcome because of one peaceful night. But for the first time they felt like they could beat it. And now, that was all that mattered.
“I’ve missed times like this,” Mayu told her earnestly. “I forgot how relaxing it was to forget about our problems.” She set her glass on the table and adjusted herself to lean on Jurina.
Jurina responded by wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Many people wouldn’t even consider it real intimacy, but Jurina knew, it meant the world to Mayu just to have her arm offered – the comfort of her, simply being there.
“I’m sorry for earlier,” Mayu said quietly. “I was stressed and taking it all out on you.”
Jurina didn’t like Mayu taking the blame for something that was partially her fault too. “No, I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”
“I hate fighting.”
Jurina looked down to see a tiny pout formed on her lips. She would want to talk about this further but resisted herself. Not now. “How are you?” It was a simple question, but she realized that it was always left unasked on many situations.
“Better.” Mayu replied. “You?”
"I feel great," Jurina shifted slightly to face Mayu, “so great that I'm scared of what tomorrow will bring us."
Their eyes stayed connected for a few seconds. Jurina's eyes were longing and Mayu can't help but stretch out her arms, inviting the other girl to an embrace. "Come here."
Jurina promptly collapsed to Mayu's arms and entrusted their weights to the couch. Mayu ran her fingers through the taller girl's hair and pressed their foreheads together. Their breaths mixed together like an alluring fragrance.
"Don't worry." Mayu gently spoke. "From now on, we will bring our own tomorrow."
The city lights retreated and the streets were immediately engulfed with silence. Mattresses shared the exhaustion of the broken and the whole as they drift off in sleep. The rustling of swaying leaves served as the lullaby of the troubled and weary. Stars shone with the laughter of sneaking lovers at night. The breeze tugged every corner cold.
But neither felt cold that night as they cuddled on the same couch. Using their arms as blankets, they comforted each other. Mayu's gentle humming echoed through the room, washing away every trace of doubt and fear in Jurina.
Jurina had fallen for Mayu once and it was like she was being granted the pleasure of experiencing it all again; and it felt amazing.
Just like the first time.
FIN
Topic: [Louise-sama OS Thread] 10: Plain Ceiling (MariHaru Ft. Jurina OS) (Read 14249 times)