4.3
I have to go and talk to Aya. She hasn't returned my phone calls, and her e-mails have been brusque. Not warm at all. I'm walking to her apartment now so that we can talk face-to-face. I don't like going over uninvited, but I have little choice, and this is very important.
What do I want to talk about?
Us.
It's pretty much over. Last weekend was the big deciding factor. Two days after it happened, she called and apologised tersely. She didn't explain herself. She just told me that she's been in a weird space lately and that she made some bad judgement calls. I've tried inviting her out for dinner three times this week, but each time, she claims work as her reason for not being able to join me. I've foolishly believed all week that if we can meet and talk and get things out in the open, we can start over.
Unfortunately, I no longer think there's any repairing this relationship. I think she's full of doubts. I don't know the cause of the doubts, and I might never know. She doesn't talk to me like she talks to her best friend. It hurts.
I reach her apartment, practising what I'm going to say to her when I see her. I don't want to be the one to dump her. It seems too cruel. I want us to talk it out like civilised human beings and reach a conclusion together. Let it be our last act as a couple. An amicable break-up.
I reach out to open the front door of the building, but the presence of another person doing the same thing comes to my attention.
I look, and my heart sinks. It's that "best friend" of Aya's. Miki. I can imagine this is not going to go well.
"What the hell are you doing here??"
I'm fine, thanks. You? I think sarcastically.
"Right back at you," I say, keeping my cool.
I refuse to stoop to her level. This girl has it in for me, so I don't want to give her the satisfaction of losing it.
She stands there staring at me, trying to intimidate me. As if some girl a head shorter than me could scare me.
Okay, I'm lying. It works. I'm scared. She's got some powerful glare.
"I'm going to see Aya," I say, wishing to avoid any more awkwardness.
"I'm going to see Aya," she says possessively.
Oh great, I think. Now she's going to think that I'm trying to crash their little holiday get-together plans. That's the last thing I want to do. I just want to clear the air between me and Aya so that we can get our lives back on track.
"I won't be long," I sigh.
I have a feeling that once I get up there, Aya will be forced to talk to me and want to get it over with quickly. Then Miki can have her for the rest of the day. The rest of her life, if she wants.
"I don't care," Miki snaps.
She's such a liar that it's embarrassing. I rub my head, feeling pained.
"Why do you hate me so much?" I ask her, suddenly feeling like talking to this girl.
If I'm going to go up and be all open with Aya, I may as well start down here and get this girl to talk to me. She has a problem with me and I want to know what it is before I go any further. She might say something important. Something I need to know about myself that I don't notice.
"I'm only trying to make her happy, not hurt her," I assure her.
"She doesn't need you to make her happy. She's perfectly happy without you."
What is she talking about? Has Aya told her that? Or is this another one of her insults to me?
Perfectly happy without me? I think Miki's trying to say she thinks Aya is perfectly happy with her.
She's jealous, plain and simple. Here I come, taking up a bit of Aya's time, and suddenly The Best Friend isn't invited over so often. Aya should choose her friends more wisely, though, because Miki is acting like she's twelve, not twenty.
"You mean with you," I tell her.
I don't expect her to praise my wit or anything, but her response is exceedingly ferocious.
"Shut up. Just stay away from her."
Oh, that pisses me off.
"Why?" I demand angrily. "She's my girlfriend."
And when I say those words - "she's my girlfriend" - Miki scowls at me even more.
What the hell is going on with her? Is she in love with her best friend or something? That's ridiculous.
If I had to guess, I'd say she's mentally unbalanced. One of those possessive types. Doesn't like her friends to have other friends because she needs all the attention.
I no longer feel the need to walk on eggshells around her. It's time for some payback for these months of being snubbed.
"Yeah, that's right. My. Girlfriend. Not yours," I remind her.
I know that gets to her. I can see it in her eyes.
"I didn't say she was mine. I don't want her," she says to me in an uncaring voice.
Again she lies. Is this girl pathetic or what?
"Then why are you getting so riled up 'cause of me? What did I do to make you hate me so much?"
I really want to know if she has a good answer.
"Just... Just stay away from her. She doesn't love you," she falters for a moment before hardening again.
I know she has an answer to my question, but she just can't say it. She can't say, "Tachibana, I'm jealous of you. It's stupid to hate you because of that, but I do." She'll be admitting to being a fool if she says that.
She turns around to leave. Maybe she's going to cry. I don't care. I want to take another stab at her. Something to show her that I'm not going to stand here and take crap like that from her. Aya's still my girlfriend, and whether or not Miki likes that, she should respect her friend's choices.
"Yeah, well, she doesn't love you either," I call out to her. "Or at least I don't see how she could."
I see her become incredibly tense, and for a moment, I swear she's going to turn around and pummel me.
I breathe out a bit in exasperation and a bit in relief when she walks away silently. She's let me have the last word. She's let me win.
But doesn't she realise I'm not a winner here? Didn't Aya tell her about the disaster last weekend? Can't she see the truth? That yes, Aya really doesn't love me? That she doesn't even like me much? And why does Miki act like some sort of jealous ex-boyfriend? What is she thinking? What does she think she is to Aya?
I lose my desire to talk to anyone. I turn away from the door and head back home.
Honestly, I don't care to know anything more about Miki, and Aya, and about their friendship. I've had it with these girls. I'm not getting mixed up in it anymore. They've been friends far longer than I've known Aya, so I'd better leave and let them either fix what's screwy in their friendship, or let it remain broken forever.
Either way, I'm out.