Chapter one
A bitter beginning
“I know it was my decision but it still hurts. Not to have you near me or be able to make you smile is eating away at my soul. The pain is ubearable. I told you not to be so touchy feely with me in front of the cameras but I didn’t think you’d stop being with me altogether. “ she reasoned with her
“What do you want me to do? It was your idea to stop being so close in front of them”
She almost yelled. She hated this too. She wanted to touch her all the time and that restriction was just killing her.
“STOP PUSHING ME AWAY! Just stop pushing me away! Please, I’m begging you , stop pushing me away” What started out as a yell, finished as a tiny whisper. She couldn’t be mad, she knew it was her fault. Her eyes watering with tears she tried to stop them afrom falling. She knew she had to be strong if she was going to tell her.
“…….you’re right and I’m sory, I have been pushing you away. But you made me do it! You told me to! But that’s only cause you’re scared of what they’ll think about us. It’s not me Makoto, it’s you! You pushed me away! You pushed me away cause you’re ashamed of me…..your dirty little secret!” It was a low blow and she knew it, but something told her this wasn’t gonna matter much tonight. What started out as damage control ended up an attack.
“Well if I had known you wouldn’t touch-no, look at me the same way again, I would have let you do whatever you wanted in front of them…hug me, kiss me, fuck me, whatever you want Yossie! You know you were never my dirty little secret! I wanted to tell the world but you were the one who suggested we get some advice from the elders!”
“Oh don’t start with me, you wanted to ask them just as much as I did! Neither of us knew anything on the subject and Im glad we asked! And you know perfectly well they had nothing solid on us! You know they could never prove it! Instead you ran away from me like a coward!” She was starting to get annoyed. There was no way she was gonna lose this time. She just had to win, she was dying to get her touching permit back.
“I did it for both of us! Or do you really hate your fame, family and money so much? You know what they’d do to us if they found out! You know what happened to Maki and Sayaka! You know about all those stories! Kaori, Nachi, Mari all of them! No other band in the world has so many lineup changes. There is a reason they all leave! If they hadn’t fallen in love, do you really think they would have left? Tsunku loves his sales too much to have let them go without a fight!”
“Oh come on Mako, do you really think it happened that way? Grow up! Life isn’t like that! It’s not one big conspiracy theory! They left cause it was their time to go!”
“They left because they were found out! Just like Maki…just like me.”
She admitted, looking down on the ground as the tears in her eyes that threatened to fall, slowly emerged one by one
“What are you saying?” Stunned she replied
“It’s too late Yoshi, they found out” She whispered as the first tear landed on the carpet
“Wha….what do you mean?” She asked shocked
“It’s over… we can no longer be together…no matter how well we hide it now… that’s why I tried…that’s why I tried to stop the rumours, that’s why I asked you to stop acting that way…but they found out….somehow they found out and…..and….and”
“They’re sending you away…aren’t they?”
“I’m sory baby, there was nothing I could do. I told them I started it, I took the fall, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine….. I know being here means a lot and I could never want it as much as you so I bargained with them and I got them to let you stay in Morning Musume-“
“But at what cost?” She asked in a soft voice, filled with sadness
“Yossie-“ She pleaded
“AT WHAT COST MAKOTO?” She yelled angrily. She wasn’t going to be kept in the dark anymore! She wanted answers to everything!
Makoto turned away, hiding the tears that streamed down her cheeks and said
“I have to go away.. I leave in a few months. They’re sending me away to study..”
Yoshi walked up to Makoto and hugged her from behind. She wrapped her arms around the girls waist protectively and possessively.
“Where are they sending you?”
“Far…” she cried
“Where?”
“Overseas…”
“WHERE?” she yelled exasperatedly, giving Makoto a tiny squeeze while trying to control her own tears.
“New Zealand…it’s this small island East of Oceania….It’s pretty crappy and not very famous or popular but at least I wont be hassled by stalkers, wotas or fans”
“….Oceania………….For how long?” she said as she felt a lonely tear slip away and slide down her cheek
“I don’t know…….I think about four years…that is about as long as a college course lasts there I presume….” She said, barely breathing as her crying had made her pant and she could barely breath as she cried the last of her words out.
“Can’t you stay with me?”
She said, with tears in her eyes. Whoever said Hitomi never cried was wrong. She may not cry in front of other people but lord knows she cries. There is however one person, and when she does cry in front of this person she doesn’t feel stupid, guilty or weak, but relieved and lighter. She feels like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders, and she is not afraid to show how she feels.
But not this time. This time she didn’t feel like things could get better. She didn’t feel like the world would be an ok place. She felt like the walls were closing in on her. Like the sky was falling. Like her soul was leaving her body.
This person however was about to leave her life. So what was she supposed to do? She did the only thing she could do at that moment. She collapsed.
Makoto held her up and dragged her to the couch. There she lay her sobbing, sleeping girlfriend to rest while she covered her with a blanket. Yoshi woke up to the sound of birds pecking a window.. She looked around and saw Makoto, asleep on her, sitting on the floor but sprawled out over her chest. She could’ve lay on her. Yoshi wouldn’t have minded but she didn’t want to constrict her passageways as she was crying.
She just didn’t want to cause her any more pain. Like Yoshi Makoto was going through a lot, if not more. Not only was she losing her one true love, but she was also losing her friends and family and moving to a new country, all by herself. There was no way to be with her and she couldn’t be happy with anyone else. And to top it all off she was giving up her career, which contrary to what she had said to make her girlfriend feel better, she absolutely adored.
She loved being on that stage with the wind rushing through her hair and thousands of people cheering for her and singing along with her. She loved singing dancing travelling meeting famous people and having such close friends. But she loved Yoshi the most. That is why she let her have it all. She let her have the job, the friends, the fans and her family and she knew that none of it could amount to what she owed for taking her heart but she had to leave her with something.
She truly believed it was all her fault things turned out that way and she wouldn’t forgive herself. At least not until Yoshi did first.
Yoshi woke up and sat up, trying not to wake Makoto up. But she failed miserably and Makoto sirred awake.
“Yoshi, I’m sory for all the lies… I’m sory for having to go and I wish I didn’t have to but I do…..but while we still have time, can we please get back to the way we were before?”
“No.” She said sternly. Makoto started crying again. She didn’t intend to have this effect on the poor girl. She didn’t want to make her cry. What she did was to make her realise that things could never be the same again. She picked up Makoto’s face from her chin. She lifted it to meet hers and spoke in a soft voice.
“Because before, I didn’t recognise how precious you were to me. I want to make every moment with you last… and….”she blushed “I want to make sweet love to you.”
Topic: Stay (Read 2980 times)