This could well be my last tribute to miss Yonezawa Rumi..
Blog entry from 120205
http://ameblo.jp/rumifu-blog/entry-11156559967.html#main[To Everyone]It's been a while
I'm sorry I can't update my blog until now
And thank you for your many comments during that time
I've done things I shouldn't have done as an AKB48 member
I've brought trouble to many people
I've betrayed the fans
I'm really sorry that as of today I stopped being an AKB48 member
Today is the last day for me as an AKB48
As well as the last AKB handshake event
From this point, let me express frankly what i'm feeling now
Because i'm clumsy, i'm sorry if there is any incomplete words
To be honest, i'm afraid of this last handshake event
It's not because i'm worried of the possibility of harsh words thrown to me
But rather it's because I feel really painful of the reality that when today is over
I stopped being Yonezawa Rumi from AKB48
I can't perform on stage anymore
I can't sing together with the members anymore
I can't talk with the fans in my beloved handshake events anymore
I know what it means to quit
I planned to accept the fact
But I really can't feel it at all
I know it's my own fault and what myself decided
But the truth is, I still can't accept the fact.
But today,
After I talked with the fans
Finally I can find my resolve.
From the day my resignation has been decided until now
I think of what I have given to the fans all these 5 years
“I can't do anything”...i told to myself.
Like, “Be a senbatsu member!” or
“Please appear more on TV!” and such
Regretfully I can't answer your voices of hope
Even when you have gone though the trouble and make me an oshi
I feel really sorry as an oshimen.
Even so,
Thanks for today's event
I can really feel in my heart that
“I'm glad being an AKB”
“I'm glad I can meet you all”
is what I feel
Even when I should have been cursed for my actions
Even I had prepared to accept any words throwed at me
I just can't imagine these kind of warm words that I accepted
“Ganbare”
“I will support you from now on”
“I'm glad I have you as my oshimen”
Even if I always been supported all this 5 years,
To the very end I kept being pushed on my back
I don't know if I used this words correctly, but
I was really happy to accept your tears and words of encouragement
I understand that the tears that you shed is not a happy tears
But,
I'm really thankful of all the feeling that you give for me
I'm really glad to have been loved this much
Is what I feel in my heart.
Even when I write this long I still can't fully express my gratitude
I fully realized now that I love you guys very much
I know it's like, “If you have that feeling then don't break the rule”
Yes, I think it's really that way
I've made a mistake
But,
I absolutely want to meet again with you
Thinking of the support you've given and how I love you guys.
You said
“I'll wait for you”
or also
“ I've been waiting for you”
Being pushed on the back like this,
I think I can work hard again from now
No, i'll work hard.
Really sorry to have worried you
Maybe there will be someone who'll feel unpleasant reading my words
Who hate me so much that won't forgive me
I accept wholeheartedly the harsh words given to me today
To you guys who feel as such
I'll live my life to the fullest
in hope that someday you can accept my feelings
My activities as AKB48 is finished
I've spent 5 years in AKB48
The memories we've spent together and the feeling and power that I accepted
Till the day we meet again,
I'll work hard no matter what i'm facing in the future
What made me feel that way is
AKB48
Member and staff
And most importantly because of you
I'm glad that I can give the last goodbye as an AKB member
Thank you very much for coming
And
For the Yonera, Thank you so much for supporting me all this 5 years!
I'll do what I can to see you again, i'll work hard.
Please be well, till the day we meet again.
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Thank you Yonechan, without you there maybe i won't enjoy my AKB fandom as much. I know i'm not much of a fans for you lately, but one thing you should know that i always wishes of your well being.
Yeah, till the day we meet again..